,transcriber's ,note3 ,footnotes have been numbered and relocated to the end of the chapter in which they occur4 ,they are marked by #a1 #b1 etc4 ,,the ,,life ,,and ,,letters ,,of ,,elizabeth ,,prentiss ,,author ,,of ,,stepping ,,heavenward ,,by ,,george ,l4 ,,prentiss ,this memoir was undertaken at the request of many of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' old and most trusted friends1 who felt that the story of her life should be given to the public4 ,much of it is in the nature of an autobiography4 ,her letters1 which with extracts from her journals form the larger portion of its contents1 begin when she was in her twentieth year1 and continue almost to her last hour4 ,they are full of details respecting herself1 her home1 her friends1 and the books she wrote4 ,a simple narrative1 interspersed with personal reminiscences1 and varied by a sketch of her father1 and passing notices of others1 who exerted a moulding influence upon her character1 completes the story4 ,a picture is thus presented of the life she lived and its changing scenes1 both on the natural and the spiritual side4 ,while the work may fail to interest some readers1 the hope is cherished that1 like ,,stepping ,,heavenward1 it will be welcomed into ,christian homes and prove a blessing to many hearts2 thus realising the desire expressed in one of her last letters3 ,much of my experience of life has cost me a great price and ,i wish to use it for strengthening and comforting other souls4 ,g4 ,l4 ,p4 ,,kauinfels1 ,september #aa1 #ahhb4 ,,contents4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,the ,,child ,,and ,,the ,,girl4 #ahah-ahci4 ,i4 ,birth-place and ,ancestry4 ,the ,payson ,family4 ,seth ,payson4 ,edward ,payson4 ,his ,mother4 ,a ,sketch of his ,life and ,character4 ,the ,fervor of his ,piety4 ,despondent ,moods1 and their ,causes4 ,his bright1 natural ,traits4 ,how he prayed and preached4 ,conversational ,gift4 ,love to ,christ4 ,triumphant ,death4 ,,ii4 ,birth and ,childhood of ,elizabeth ,payson4 ,early ,traits4 ,devotion to her ,father4 ,his ,influence upon her4 ,letters to her ,sister4 ,removal to ,new ,york4 ,reminiscences of the ,payson ,family4 ,,iii4 ,recollections of ,elizabeth's ,girlhood by an early ,friend and ,schoolmate4 ,her own ,picture of herself before her ,father's ,death4 ,favorite ,resorts4 ,why ,god permits so much ,suffering4 ,literary ,tastes4 ,letters4 ,what are ,little ,babies ,for8 ,opens a ,school4 ,religious ,interest4 ,,iv4 ,the dominant ,type of ,religious ,life and ,thought in ,new ,england in the ,first ,half of this ,century4 ,literary ,influences4 ,letter of ,cyrus ,hamlin4 ,a strange ,coincidence4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,the ,,new ,,life ,,in ,,christ4 #ahdj-ahda4 ,i4 ,a memorable ,experience4 ,letters to her ,cousin4 ,goes to ,richmond as a ,teacher4 ,mr4 ,persico's ,school4 ,letters4 ,,ii4 ,her ,character as a ,teacher4 ,letters4 ,incidents of ,school ,life4 ,religious ,struggles1 ,aims1 and ,hope4 ,oppressive ,heat and ,weariness4 ,,iii4 ,extracts from her ,richmond ,journal4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,passing ,,from ,,girlhood ,,into ,,womanhood4 #ahda-ahde4 ,i4 ,at ,home ,again4 ,marriage of her ,sister4 ,ill-health4 ,letters4 ,spiritual ,aspiration and ,conflict4 ,perfectionism4 ,very1 ,very ,happy4 ,work for ,christ what makes ,life attractive4 ,passages from her ,journal4 ,a ,point of ,difficulty4 ,,ii4 ,returns to ,richmond4 ,trials ,there4 ,letters4 ,illness4 ,school ,experiences4 ,to the ,year #ahdc4 ,glimpses of her daily ,life4 ,why her ,scholars love her ,so4 ,homesick4 ,a ,black ,wedding4 ,what a ,wife should be4 ,a ,presentiment4 ,notes from her ,diary4 ,,iii4 ,her ,views of ,love and ,courtship4 ,visit of her ,sister and ,child4 ,letters4 ,sickness and ,death of ,friends4 ,ill-health4 ,undergoes a surgical ,operation4 ,her ,fortitude4 ,study of ,german4 ,fenelon4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,young ,,wife ,,and ,,mother4 #ahde-ahej4 ,i4 ,marriage and ,settlement in ,new ,bedford4 ,reminiscences4 ,letters4 ,birth of her ,first ,child4 ,death of her ,mother-in-,law4 ,letters4 ,,ii4 ,birth of a ,son4 ,death of her ,mother4 ,her ,grief4 ,letters4 ,eddy's ,illness and her own ,cares4 ,a ,family ,gathering at ,newburyport4 ,extracts from ,eddy's ,journal4 ,,iii4 ,further ,extracts from ,eddy's ,journal4 ,ill-,health4 ,visit to ,newark4 ,death of her ,brother-in-,law1 ,s4 ,s4 ,prentiss4 ,his ,character4 ,removal to ,newark4 ,letters4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,in ,,the ,,school ,,of ,,suffering4 #ahea-aheh4 ,i4 ,removal to ,new ,york1 and first ,summer there4 ,letters4 ,loss of ,sleep and ,anxiety about ,eddy4 ,extracts from ,eddy's ,journal1 ,describing his last ,illness and ,death4 ,lines entitled1 ,to ,my ,dying ,eddy44 ,,ii4 ,birth of her ,third ,child4 ,reminiscences of a ,sabbath ,evening ,talk4 ,story of the ,baby's ,sudden ,illness and ,death4 ,summer of #aheb4 ,lines entitled1 ,my ,nursery4 ,,iii4 ,summer at ,white ,lake4 ,sudden ,death of her ,cousin1 ,miss ,shipman4 ,quarantined4 ,little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays4 ,how she wrote it4 ,the ,flower of the ,family4 ,her ,motive in ,writing it4 ,letter of ,sympathy to a bereaved ,mother4 ,a ,summer at the ,seaside4 ,henry and ,bessie4 ,,iv4 ,a memorable ,year4 ,lines on the ,anniversary of ,eddy's ,death4 ,extracts from her ,journal4 ,little ,susy's ,six ,teachers4 ,the ,teachers' ,meeting4 ,a ,new ,york ,waif4 ,summer in the ,country4 ,letters4 ,little ,susy's ,little ,servants4 ,extracts from her ,journal4 ,alone with ,god4 ,v4 ,ready for new ,trials4 ,dangerous ,illness4 ,extracts from her ,journal4 ,visit to ,greenwood4 ,sabbath ,meditations4 ,birth of another ,son4 ,her ,husband resigns his ,pastoral ,charge4 ,voyage to ,europe4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,in ,,retreat ,,among ,,the ,,alps4 #aheh-ahfj4 ,i4 ,life ,abroad4 ,letters about the ,voyage1 and the ,journey from ,havre to ,switzerland4 ,chateau d',oex4 ,letters from there4 ,the ,chlet ,rosat4 ,the ,free ,church of the ,canton de ,vaud4 ,pastor ,panchud4 ,,ii4 ,montreux4 ,the ,swiss ,autumn4 ,castle of ,chillon4 ,death and ,sorrow of ,friends at ,home4 ,twilight ,talks4 ,spring ,flowers4 ,,iii4 ,the ,campagne ,genevrier4 ,vevay4 ,beauty of the ,region4 ,birth of a ,son4 ,visit from ,professor ,smith4 ,excursion to ,chamouni4 ,whooping-cough and ,scarlet-fever among the ,children4 ,doctor ,curchod4 ,letters4 ,,iv4 ,paris4 ,sight-seeing4 ,a sick ,friend4 ,london and its ,environs4 ,the ,queen and ,prince ,albert4 ,the ,isle of ,wight4 ,homeward4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,the ,,struggle ,,with ,,ill-,,health4 #ahfa-ahfe4 ,i4 ,at ,home again in ,new ,york4 ,the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,increasing ,ill-health4 ,the ,summer of #ahfa4 ,death of ,louisa ,payson ,hopkins4 ,extracts from her ,journal4 ,summer of #ahfb4 ,letters4 ,despondency4 ,,ii4 ,another care-worn ,summer4 ,letters from ,williamstown and ,rockaway4 ,hymn on ,laying the ,corner-stone of the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,,iii4 ,happiness in her ,children4 ,the ,summer of #ahfd4 ,letters from ,hunter4 ,affliction among ,friends4 ,,iv4 ,death of ,president ,lincoln4 ,dedication of the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,growing ,insomnia4 ,resolves to try the ,water-cure4 ,its beneficial ,effects4 ,summer at ,newburgh4 ,reminiscences of an ,excursion to ,palz ,point4 ,death of her ,husband's ,mother4 ,funeral of her ,nephew1 ,edward ,payson ,hopkins4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,the ,,pastor',s ,,wife ,,and ,,daughter ,,of ,,consolation4 #ahff-ahfh4 ,i4 ,happiness as a ,pastor's ,wife4 ,visits to ,newport and ,williamstown4 ,letters4 ,the ,great ,portland ,fire4 ,first ,summer at ,dorset4 ,the new ,parsonage occupied4 ,second ,summer at ,dorset4 ,little ,lou's ,sayings and ,doings4 ,project of a ,cottage4 ,letters4 ,the ,little ,preacher4 ,illness and ,death of ,mrs4 ,edward ,payson and of ,little ,francis4 ,,ii4 ,last ,visit from ,mrs4 ,stearns4 ,visits to old ,friends at ,newport and ,rochester4 ,letters4 ,goes to ,dorset4 ,fred and ,maria and ,me4 ,letters4 ,,iii4 ,return to ,town4 ,death of an old ,friend4 ,letters and ,notes of ,love and ,sympathy4 ,an ,old ,ladies' ,party4 ,scenes of ,trouble and ,dying ,beds4 ,fifty ,years ,old4 ,letters4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,stepping ,,heavenward4 #ahfi4 ,i4 ,death of ,mrs4 ,stearns4 ,her ,character4 ,dangerous ,illness of ,prof4 ,smith4 ,death at the ,parsonage4 ,letters4 ,a ,visit to ,vassar ,college4 ,letters4 ,getting ready for the ,general ,assembly4 ,gates ,ajar4 ,,ii4 ,how she earned her ,sleep4 ,writing for young ,converts about speaking the ,truth4 ,meeting of the ,general ,assembly in the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,reunion1 ,d4,d4's1 and ,strawberry ,short-cake4 ,enacting the ,tiger4 ,getting ,ready for ,dorset4 ,letters4 ,,iii4 ,the new ,home in ,dorset4 ,what it became to her4 ,letters from there4 ,,iv4 ,return to ,town4 ,domestic ,changes4 ,letters4 ,my ,heart sides with ,god in everything4 ,visiting among the ,poor4 ,conflict isn't ,sin4 ,publication of ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,her ,misgivings about it4 ,how it was received4 ,reminiscences by ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner4 ,letters4 ,the ,rev4 ,wheelock ,craig4 ,v4 ,recollections by ,mrs4 ,henry ,b4 ,smith ,,chapter ,x4 ,,on ,,the ,,mount4 #ahgj4 ,i4 ,a happy ,year4 ,madame ,guyon4 ,what sweetens the ,cup of earthly ,trials and the ,cup of earthly ,joy4 ,death of ,mrs4 ,julia ,b4 ,cady4 ,her ,usefulness4 ,sickness and ,death of other ,friends4 ,my ,cup runneth over4 ,letters4 ,more ,love to ,thee1 ,o ,christ4 ,,ii4 ,her ,silver ,wedding4 ,i have lived1 ,i have loved4 ,no ,joy can put her out of ,sympathy with the ,trials of ,friends4 ,a ,glance backward4 ,last ,interview with a dying ,friend4 ,more ,love and more ,likeness to ,christ4 ,funeral of a little ,baby4 ,letters to ,christian ,friends4 ,,iii4 ,lines on going to ,dorset4 ,a ,cloud over her4 ,faber's ,life4 ,loving ,friends for one's own sake and loving them for ,christ's sake4 ,the ,bible and the ,christian ,life4 ,dorset ,society and ,occupations4 ,counsels to a young ,friend in ,trouble4 ,don't stop praying for your ,life6 ,cure for the ,heart-sickness caused by the ,sight of human ,imperfections4 ,fenelon's ,teaching about ,humiliation and being patient with ,ourselves4 ,,iv4 ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told4 ,country and ,city4 ,the ,law of ,christian ,progress4 ,letters to a ,friend bereft of three ,children4 ,sudden ,death of another ,friend4 ,go on2 step faster4 ,fenelon and his ,influence upon her religious ,life4 ,lines on her ,indebtedness to him4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,in ,,her ,,home4 ,i4 ,home-life in ,new ,york4 ,,ii4 ,home-life in ,dorset4 ,,iii4 ,further ,glimpses of her ,dorset ,life4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,the ,,trial ,,of ,,faith4 #ahga-ahgb4 ,i4 ,two ,years of ,suffering4 ,its ,nature and ,causes4 ,spiritual ,conflicts4 ,ill-health4 ,faith a ,gift to be won by ,prayer4 ,death-bed of ,dr4 ,skinner4 ,visit to ,philadelphia4 ,daily ,food4 ,how to read the ,bible so as to love it more4 ,letters of ,sympathy and ,counsel4 ,prayer for ,holiness brings ,suffering4 ,perils of human ,friendship4 ,,ii4 ,her ,husband called to ,chicago4 ,lines on going to ,dorset4 ,letters to young ,friends on the ,christian ,life4 ,narrow ,escape from ,death4 ,feeling on returning to ,town4 ,her ,praying ,circle4 ,the ,chicago ,fire4 ,the true ,art of ,living4 ,god our only safe ,teacher4 ,an easily-besetting ,sin4 ,counsels to young ,friends4 ,letters4 ,,iii4 ,holiness and ,usefulness go hand-in-hand4 ,no two ,souls dealt with exactly alike4 ,visits to a stricken ,home4 ,another ,side of her ,life4 ,visit to a ,hospital4 ,christian ,friendship4 ,letters to a bereaved ,mother4 ,submission not inconsistent with ,suffering4 ,thoughts at the ,funeral of a little ,wee ,davie4 ,assurance of ,faith4 ,funeral of ,prof4 ,hopkins4 ,his ,character4 ,,iv4 ,christian ,parents to expect ,piety in their ,children4 ,perfection4 ,people make too much ,parade of their ,troubles4 ,higher ,life ,doctrines4 ,letter to ,mrs4 ,washburn4 ,last ,visit to ,williamstown4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,peaceable ,,fruit4 #ahgc-ahgd4 ,i4 ,effect of spiritual ,conflict upon her religious ,life4 ,overflowing ,affections4 ,her ,husband called to ,union ,theological ,seminary4 ,baptism of ,suffering4 ,the ,character of her ,friendships4 ,no perfect ,life4 ,prayer4 ,only ,god can satisfy a ,woman4 ,why human ,friendship is a ,snare4 ,letters4 ,,ii4 ,goes to ,dorset4 ,christian ,example4 ,at ,work among her ,flowers4 ,dangerous ,illness4 ,her ,feeling about ,dying4 ,death an ,invitation from ,christ4 ,the ,under-current bears ,home4 ,more ,love1 more ,love6 ,a ,trait of ,character4 ,special ,mercies4 ,what makes a sweet ,home4 ,letters4 ,,iii4 ,change of ,home and ,life in ,new ,york4 ,a ,book about ,robbie4 ,her ,sympathy with young ,people4 ,i have in me two different ,natures4 ,what ,dr4 ,de ,witt said at the ,grave of his ,wife4 ,the ,way to meet little ,trials4 ,faults in ,prayer-meetings4 ,how special ,theories of the ,christian ,life are formed4 ,sudden ,illness of ,prof4 ,smith4 ,publication of ,golden ,hours4 ,how it was received4 ,,iv4 ,incidents of the ,year #ahgd4 ,starts a ,bible-reading in ,dorset4 ,begins to take ,lessons in ,painting4 ,a ,letter from her ,teacher4 ,publication of ,urbane and ,his ,friends4 ,design of the ,work4 ,her ,views of the ,christian ,life4 ,the ,mystics4 ,the ,indwelling ,christ4 ,an ,allegory4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,work ,,and ,,play4 #ahge-ahgg4 ,i4 ,a ,bible-reading in ,new ,york4 ,her ,painting4 ,grace for ,grace4 ,death of a young ,friend4 ,the ,summer at ,dorset4 ,bible-readings there4 ,encompassed with ,kindred4 ,typhoid ,fever in the ,house4 ,watching and ,waiting4 ,the ,return to ,town4 ,a ,day of ,family ,rejoicing4 ,life a ,battle-field4 ,,ii4 ,the ,moody and ,sankey ,meetings4 ,her ,interest in them4 ,mr4 ,moody4 ,publication of ,griselda4 ,goes to the ,centennial4 ,at ,dorset again4 ,her ,bible-readings4 ,a ,moody-meeting ,convert4 ,visit to ,montreal4 ,publication of ,the ,home at ,greylock4 ,her ,theory of a happy ,home4 ,marrying for ,love4 ,her ,sympathy with young ,mothers4 ,letters4 ,,iii4 ,the ,year #ahgg4 ,death of her ,cousin1 the ,rev4 ,charles ,h4 ,payson4 ,last ,illness and ,death of ,prof4 ,smith4 ,let us take our ,lot in ,life just as it comes4 ,adorning one's ,home4 ,how much ,time shall be given to it8 ,god's ,delight in ,his beautiful ,creations4 ,death of ,dr4 ,buck4 ,visiting the sick and bereaved4 ,an ,ill-turn4 ,goes to ,dorset4 ,the ,strangeness of ,life4 ,kauinfels4 ,the ,bible-reading4 ,letters4 ,,iv4 ,return to ,town4 ,recollections of this ,period4 ,ordinary ,christians and ,spiritual ,conflict4 ,a tired ,sunday ,evening4 ,we may make an ,idol of our ,joy4 ,publication of ,pemaquid4 ,kezia ,millet4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,forever ,,with ,,the ,,lord4 #ahgh4 ,i4 ,enters upon her last ,year on ,earth4 ,a ,letter about ,the ,home at ,greylock4 ,her ,motive in writing ,books4 ,visit to the ,aquarium4 ,about ,worry4 ,her ,painting4 ,saturday ,afternoons with her4 ,what she was to her ,friends4 ,resemblance to ,madame de ,broglie4 ,recollections of a ,visit to ,east ,river4 ,a ,picture of her by an old ,friend4 ,goes to ,dorset4 ,second ,advent ,doctrine4 ,last ,letters4 ,,ii4 ,little ,incidents and ,details of her last ,days on ,earth4 ,last ,visit to the ,woods4 ,sudden ,illness4 ,last ,bible-reading4 ,last ,drive to ,hager ,brook4 ,reminiscence of a last ,interview4 ,closing ,scenes4 ,death4 ,the ,burial4 ,,appendix ,,chapter ,i4 ,,the ,,child ,,and ,,the ,,girl4 #ahah-ahci4 ,i4 ,birth-place and ,ancestry4 ,seth ,payson4 ,edward ,payson4 ,his ,mother4 ,a ,sketch of his ,life and ,character4 ,the ,fervor of his ,piety4 ,despondent ,moods and their ,cause4 ,bright1 natural ,traits4 ,how he prayed and preached4 ,conversational ,gift4 ,love to ,christ4 ,triumphant ,death4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss was fortunate in the place of her birth4 ,she first saw the light at ,portland1 ,maine4 ,maine was then a district of ,massachusetts1 and ,portland was its chief town and seaport1 distinguished for beauty of situation1 enterprise1 intelligence1 social refinement and all the best qualities of ,new ,england character4 ,not a few of the early settlers had come from ,cape ,cod and other parts of the old ,bay ,state1 and the blood of the ,pilgrim ,fathers ran in their veins4 ,among its leading citizens at that time were such men as ,stephen ,longfellow1 ,simon ,greenleaf1 ,prentiss ,mellen1 ,samuel ,fessenden1 ,ichabod ,nichols1 ,edward ,payson1 and ,asa ,cummings2 men eminent for private and public virtue1 and some of whom were destined to become still more widely known1 by their own growing influence1 or by the genius of their children4 ,but while favored in the place of her birth1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss was more highly favored still in her parentage4 ,for more than half a century the name of her father has been a household word among the churches not of ,new ,england only1 but throughout the land and even beyond the sea4 ,it is among the most beloved and honored in the annals of ,american piety4 #a ,he belonged to a very old ,puritan stock1 and to a family noted during two centuries for the number of ministers of the ,gospel who have sprung from it4 ,the first in the line of his ancestry in this country was ,edward1 who came over in the brig ,hopewell1 ,william ,burdeck1 ,master1 in #afce-f1 and settled in the town of ,roxbury4 ,he was a native of ,nasing1 ,essex ,co41 ,england4 ,among his fellow-passengers in the ,hopewell was ,mary ,eliot1 then a young girl1 sister of ,john ,eliot1 the illustrious ,apostle to the ,indians4 ,some years later she became his wife4 ,their youngest son1 ,samuel1 was father of the ,rev4 ,phillips ,payson1 who was born at ,dorchester1 ,massachusetts1 #agje1 and settled at ,walpole1 in the same ,state1 in #agcj4 ,he had four sons in the ministry1 all1 like himself1 graduates of ,harvard ,college4 ,the youngest of these1 the ,rev4 ,seth ,payson1 ,d4,d41 ,mrs4 ,prentiss' grandfather1 was born ,september #cj1 #ageh1 was ordained and settled at ,rindge1 ,new ,hampshire1 ,december #d1 #aghb1 and died there1 after a pastorate of thirty-seven years1 ,february #bf1 #ahbj4 ,his wife was ,grata ,payson1 of ,pomfret1 ,conn4 ,he was a man widely known in his day and of much weight in the community1 not only in his own profession but in civil life1 also1 having several times filled the office of ,state senator4 ,when in #ahai a plan was formed to remove ,williams ,college to a more central location1 and several towns competed for the honor1 ,dr4 ,payson was associated with ,chancellor ,kent of ,new ,york1 and ,governor ,john ,cotton ,smith of ,connecticut1 as a committee to decide upon the rival claims4 ,he is described as possessing a sharp1 vigorous intellect1 a lively imagination1 a very retentive memory1 and was universally esteemed as an able and faithful minister of ,christ4 #b ,edward1 the eldest son of ,seth and ,grata ,payson1 was born at ,rindge1 ,july #be1 #aghc4 ,his mother was noted for her piety1 her womanly discretion1 and her personal and mental graces4 ,edward was her first-born1 and from his infancy to the last year of his life she lavished upon him her love and her prayers4 ,the relation between them was very beautiful4 ,his letters to her are models of filial devotion1 and her letters to him are full of tenderness1 good sense1 and pious wisdom4 ,he inherited some of her most striking traits1 and through him they passed on to his youngest daughter1 who often said that she owed her passion for the use of the pen and her fondness for rhyming to her grandmother ,grata4 #c ,edward ,payson was in all respects a highly-gifted man4 ,his genius was as marked as his piety4 ,there is a charm about his name and the story of his life1 that is not likely soon to pass away4 ,he belonged to a class of men who seem to be chosen of ,heaven to illustrate the sublime possibilities of ,christian attainment--men of seraphic fervor of devotion1 and whose one overmastering passion is to win souls for ,christ and to become wholly like ,him themselves4 ,into this goodly fellowship he was early initiated4 ,there is something startling in the depth and intensity of his religious emotions1 as recorded in his journal and letters4 ,nor is it to be denied that they are often marred by a very morbid element4 ,like ,david ,brainerd1 the missionary saint of ,new ,england1 to whom in certain features of his character he bore no little resemblance1 ,edward ,payson was of a melancholy temperament and subject1 therefore1 to sudden and sharp alternations of feeling4 ,while he had great capacity for enjoyment1 his capacity for suffering was equally great4 ,nor were these native traits suppressed1 or always overruled1 by his religious faith2 on the contrary1 they affected and modified his whole ,christian life4 ,in its earlier stages1 he was apt to lay too much stress by far upon fugitive frames1 and to mistake mere weariness1 torpor1 and even diseased action of body or mind1 for coldness toward his ,saviour4 ,and almost to the end of his days he was1 occasionally1 visited by seasons of spiritual gloom and depression1 which1 no doubt1 were chiefly1 if not solely1 the result of physical causes4 ,it was an error that grew readily out of the brooding introspection and self-anatomy which marked the religious habit of the times4 ,the close connection between physical causes and morbid or abnormal conditions of the spiritual life1 was not as well understood then as it is now4 ,many things were ascribed to ,satanic influence which should have been ascribed rather to unstrung nerves and loss of sleep1 or to a violation of the laws of health4 #d ,the disturbing influence of nervous and other bodily or mental disorders upon religious experience deserves a fuller discussion than it has yet received4 ,it is a subject which both modern science and modern thought1 if guided by ,christian wisdom1 might help greatly to elucidate4 ,the morbid and melancholy element1 however1 was only a painful incident of his character4 ,it tinged his life with a vein of deep sadness and led to undue severity of self-discipline2 but it did not seriously impair the strength and beauty of his ,christian manhood4 ,it rather served to bring them into fuller relief1 and even to render more striking those bright natural traits--the sportive humor1 the ready mother wit1 the facetious pleasantry1 the keen sense of the ridiculous1 and the wondrous story-telling gift--which made him a most delightful companion to young and old1 to the wise and the unlettered alike4 ,it served1 moreover1 to impart peculiar tenderness to his pastoral intercourse1 especially with members of his flock tried and tempted like as he was4 ,he had learned how to counsel and comfort them by the things which he also had suffered4 ,he may have been too exacting and harsh in dealing with himself2 but in dealing with other souls nothing could exceed the gentleness1 wisdom1 and soothing influence of his ministrations4 ,as a preacher he was the impersonation of simple1 earnest1 and impassioned utterance4 ,although not an orator in the ordinary sense of the term1 he touched the hearts of his hearers with a power beyond the reach of any oratory4 ,some of his printed sermons are models in their kind2 that e4g4 on ,sins estimated by the ,light of ,heaven1 and that addressed to ,seamen4 ,his theology was a mild type of the old ,new ,england ,calvinism1 modified1 on the one hand1 by the influence of his favorite authors--such as ,thomas ,kempis1 and ,fenelon1 the ,puritan divines of the seventeenth century1 ,john ,newton and ,richard ,cecil--and on the other1 by his own profound experience and seraphic love4 ,of his theology1 his preaching and his piety alike1 ,christ was the living centre4 ,his expressions of personal love to the ,saviour are surpassed by nothing in the writings of the old mystics4 ,here is a passage from a letter to his mother1 written while he was still a young pastor3 ,i have sometimes heard of spells and charms to excite love1 and have wished for them1 when a boy1 that ,i might cause others to love me4 ,but how much do ,i now wish for some charm which should lead men to love the ,saviour6444 ,could ,i paint a true likeness of ,him1 methinks ,i should rejoice to hold it up to the view and admiration of all creation1 and be hid behind it forever4 ,it would be heaven enough to hear ,him praised and adored4 ,but ,i can not paint ,him2 ,i can not describe ,him2 ,i can not make others love ,him2 nay1 ,i can not love ,him a thousandth part so much as ,i ought myself4 ,o1 for an angel's tongue6 ,o1 for the tongues of ten thousand angels1 to sound ,his praises4 ,he had a remarkable familiarity with the word of ,god and his mind seemed surcharged with its power4 ,you could not1 in conversation1 mention a passage of ,scripture to him but you found his soul in harmony with it--the most apt illustrations would flow from his lips1 the fire of devotion would beam from his eye1 and you saw at once that not only could he deliver a sermon from it1 but that the ordinary time allotted to a sermon would be exhausted before he could pour out the fullness of meaning which a sentence from the word of ,god presented to his mind4 #e ,he was wonderfully gifted in prayer4 ,here all his intellectual1 imaginative1 and spiritual powers were fused into one and poured themselves forth in an unbroken stream of penitential and adoring affection4 ,when he said1 ,let us pray1 a divine influence seemed to rest upon all present4 ,his prayers were not mere pious mental exercises1 they were devout inspirations4 ,no one can form an adequate conception of what ,dr4 ,payson was from any of the productions of his pen4 ,admirable as his written sermons are1 his extempore prayers and the gushings of his heart in familiar talk were altogether higher and more touching than anything he wrote4 ,it was my custom to close my eyes when he began to pray1 and it was always a letting down1 a sort of rude fall1 to open them again1 when he had concluded1 and find myself still on the earth4 ,his prayers always took my spirit into the immediate presence of ,christ1 amid the glories of the spiritual world2 and to look round again on this familiar and comparatively misty earth was almost painful4 ,at every prayer ,i heard him offer1 during the seven years in which he was my spiritual guide1 ,i never ceased to feel new astonishment1 at the wonderful variety and depth and richness and even novelty of feeling and expression which were poured forth4 ,this was a feeling with which every hearer sympathised1 and it is a fact well-known1 that ,christians trained under his influence were generally remarkable for their devotional habits4 #f ,dr4 ,payson possessed rare conversational powers and loved to wield them in the service of his ,master4 ,when in a genial mood--and the mild excitement of social intercourse generally put him in such a mood--his familiar talk was equally delightful and instructive4 ,he was1 in truth1 an improvisatore4 ,quick perception1 an almost intuitive insight into character1 an inexhaustible fund of fresh1 original thought and incident1 the happiest illustrations1 and a memory that never faltered in recalling what he had once read or seen1 easy self-control1 and ardent sympathies1 all conspired to give him this preeminence4 ,without effort or any appearance of incongruity he could in turn be grave and gay1 playful and serious4 ,this came of the utter sincerity and genuineness of his character4 ,there was nothing artificial about him2 nature and grace had full play and1 so to say1 constantly ran into each other4 ,a keen observer1 who knew him well1 both in private and in public1 testifies3 ,his facetiousness indeed was ever a near neighbor to his piety1 if it was not a part of it2 and his most cheerful conversations1 so far from putting his mind out of tune for acts of religious worship1 seemed but a happy preparation for the exercise of devotional feelings4 #g ,this coexistence of serious with playful elements is often found in natures of unusual depth and richness1 just as tragic and comic powers sometimes co-exist in a great poet4 ,the same qualities that rendered him such a master of conversation1 lent a potent charm to his familiar religious talks in the prayer-meeting1 at the fireside1 or in the social circle4 ,always eager to speak for his ,master1 he knew how to do it with a wise skill and a tenderness of feeling that disarmed prejudice and sometimes won the most determined foe4 ,even in administering reproof or rebuke there was the happiest union of tact and gentleness4 ,what makes you blush so8 said a reckless fellow in the stage1 to a plain country girl1 who was receiving the mail-bag at a post office from the hand of the driver4 ,what makes you blush so1 my dear8 ,perhaps1 said ,dr4 ,payson1 who sat near him and was unobserved till now1 ,perhaps it is because some one spoke rudely to her when the stage was along here the last time4 ,edward ,payson was graduated at ,harvard ,college in the class of #ahjc4 ,in the autumn of that year he took charge of an academy then recently established in ,portland4 ,resigning this position in #ahjf1 he returned home and devoted himself to the study of divinity under his father's care4 ,he was licensed to preach in ,may1 #ahjg1 and a few months later received a unanimous call to ,portland1 where he was ordained in ,december of the same year4 ,on the #hth of ,may1 #ahaa1 he was married to ,ann ,louisa ,shipman1 of ,new ,haven1 ,conn4 ,an extract from a manly letter to ,miss ,shipman1 written a few weeks after their engagement1 will show the spirit which inspired him both as a lover and a husband3 ,when ,i wrote my first letter after my late visit1 ,i felt almost angry with you and quite so with myself4 ,and why angry with you8 ,because ,i began to fear you would prove a dangerous rival to my ,lord and ,master1 and draw away my heart from ,his service4 ,my ,louisa1 should this be the case1 ,i should certainly hate you4 ,i am ,christ's2 ,i must be ,christ's2 ,he has purchased me dearly1 and ,i should hate the mother who bore me1 if she proved even the innocent occasion of drawing me from ,him4 ,i feared that you would do this4 ,for a little time the conflict of my feelings was dreadful beyond description4 ,for a few moments ,i wished ,i had never seen you4 ,had you been a right hand1 or a right eye1 had you been the life-blood in my veins 7and you are dear to me as either7 ,i must have given you up1 had ,i continued to feel as ,i did4 ,but blessed be ,god1 ,he has shown me my weakness only to strengthen me4 ,i now feel very differently4 ,i still love you dearly as ever1 but my love leads me to ,christ and not from ,him4 ,dr4 ,payson received repeated invitations to important churches in ,boston and ,new ,york1 but declining them all1 continued in the ,portland pastorate until his death1 which occurred ,october #bb1 #ahbg1 in the forty-fifth year of his age4 ,the closing months of his life were rendered memorable by an extraordinary triumph of ,christian faith and patience1 as well as of the power of mind over matter4 ,his bodily suffering and agonies were indescribable1 but1 like one of the old martyrs in the midst of the flames1 he seemed to forget them all in the greatness of his spiritual joy4 ,in a letter written shortly after his death1 ,mrs4 ,payson gives a touching account of the tender and thoughtful concern for her happiness which marked his last illness4 ,knowing1 for example1 that she would be compelled to part with her house1 he was anxious to have a smaller one purchased and occupied at once1 so that his presence in it for a little while might make it seem more home-like to her and to her children after he was gone4 ,to tell you 7she adds7 what he was the last six memorable weeks would be altogether beyond my skill4 ,all who beheld him called his countenance angelic4 ,she then repeats some of his farewell words to her4 ,begging that1 she would not dwell upon his poor1 shattered frame1 but follow his blessed spirit to the realms of glory1 he burst forth into an exultant song of delight1 as if already he saw the ,king in ,his beauty6 ,the well-known letter to his sister ,eliza1 dated a few weeks before his departure1 breathes the same spirit4 ,here is an extract from it3 ,were ,i to adopt the figurative language of ,bunyan1 ,i might date this letter from the land of ,beulah1 of which ,i have been for some weeks a happy inhabitant4 ,the celestial city is full in my view4 ,its glories beam upon me1 its breezes fan me1 its odors are wafted to me1 its sounds strike upon my ear1 and its spirit is breathed into my heart4 ,nothing separates me from it but the river of death1 which now appears but as an insignificant rill1 that may be crossed at a single step1 whenever ,god shall give permission4 ,the ,sun of ,righteousness has been gradually drawing nearer and nearer1 appearing larger and brighter as ,he approached1 and now ,he fills the whole hemisphere1 pouring forth a flood of glory1 in which ,i seem to float like an insect in the beams of the sun1 exulting yet almost trembling while ,i gaze on this excessive brightness1 and wondering1 with unutterable wonder1 why ,god should deign thus to shine upon a sinful worm4 ,a single heart and a single tongue seem altogether inadequate to my wants2 ,i want a whole heart for every separate emotion1 and a whole tongue to express that emotion4 ,but why do ,i speak thus of myself and my feelings8 why not speak only of our ,god and ,redeemer8 ,it is because ,i know not what to say--when ,i would speak of them my words are all swallowed up4 ,and thus1 gazing already upon the ,beatific ,vision1 he passed on into glory4 ,what is written concerning his ,lord and ,master might with almost literal truth have been inscribed over his grave3 ,the zeal of ,thy house hath eaten me up4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,birth and ,childhood of ,elizabeth ,payson4 ,early ,traits4 ,devotion to her ,father4 ,his ,influence upon her4 ,letters to her ,sister4 ,removal to ,new ,york4 ,reminiscences of the ,payson ,family4 ,elizabeth ,payson was born about three o'clock--so her father records it--on ,tuesday afternoon1 ,october #bf1 #ahah4 ,she was the fifth of eight children1 two of whom died in infancy4 ,all good influences seem to have encircled her natal hour4 ,in a letter to his mother1 dated ,october #bg1 ,dr ,payson enumerates six special mercies1 by which the happy event had been crowned4 ,one of them was the gratification of the mother's wish for a daughter rather than a son4 ,another was ,god's goodness to him in sparing both the mother and the child in spite of his fear that he should lose them4 ,this fear1 strangely enough1 was occasioned by the unusual religious peace and comfort which he had been enjoying4 ,he had a presentiment that in this way ,god was forearming him for some extraordinary trial2 and the loss of his wife seemed to him most likely to be that trial4 ,god has been so gracious to me in spiritual things1 that ,i thought ,he was preparing me for ,louisa's death4 ,indeed it may be so still1 and if so ,his will be done4 ,let ,him take all--and if ,he leaves us ,himself we still have all and abound4 ,the next day he writes3 ,still ,god is kind to us4 ,louisa and the babe continue as well as we could desire4 ,truly1 my cup runs over with blessings4 ,i can still scarcely help thinking that ,god is preparing me for some severe trial2 but if ,he will grant me ,his presence as ,he does now1 no trial can seem severe4 ,oh1 could ,i now drop the body1 ,i would stand and cry to all eternity without being weary3 ,god is holy1 ,god is just1 ,god is good2 ,god is wise and faithful and true4 ,either of ,his perfections alone is sufficient to furnish matter for an eternal1 unwearied song4 ,could ,i sing upon paper ,i should break forth into singing1 for day and night ,i can do nothing but sing ,let the saints be joyful1 etc41 etc4 ,but ,i must close4 ,i can not send so much love and thankfulness to my parents as they deserve4 ,my present happiness1 all my happiness ,i ascribe under ,god to them and their prayers4 ,surely1 a home inspired and ruled by such a spirit was a sweet home to be born into6 ,the notices of ,elizabeth's childhood depict her as a dark-eyed1 delicate little creature1 of sylph-like form1 reserved and shy in the presence of strangers1 of a sweet disposition1 and very intense in her sympathies4 ,until ,i was three years old mother says ,i was a little angel1 she once wrote to a friend4 ,her constitution was feeble1 and she inherited from her father his high-strung nervous temperament4 ,i never knew what it was to feel well1 she wrote in #ahdj4 ,severe pain in the side1 fainting turns1 the sick headache1 and other ailments troubled her1 more or less1 from infancy4 ,she had an eye wide open to the world about her1 and quick to catch its varying aspects of light and beauty1 whether on land or sea4 ,the ships and wharves not far from her father's house1 the observatory and fort on the hill overlooking ,casco ,bay1 the ,white ,mountains far away in the distance1 ,deering's oaks1 the rope-walk1 and the ancient burying-ground--these and other familiar objects of the dear old town1 commemorated by ,longfellow in his poem entitled ,my ,lost ,youth1 were indelibly fixed in her memory and followed her wherever she went1 to the end of her days4 ,in her movements she was light-footed1 venturesome to rashness1 and at times wild with fun and frolic4 ,her whole being was so impressionable that things pleasant and things painful stamped themselves upon it as with the point of a diamond4 ,whatever she did1 whatever she felt1 she felt and did as for her life4 ,allusion has been made to the intensity of her sympathies4 ,the sight or tale of suffering would set her in a tremor of excitement2 and in her eagerness to give relief she seemed ready for any sacrifice1 however great4 ,this trait arrested the observant eye of her father1 and he expressed to ,mrs4 ,payson his fear lest it might some day prove a real misfortune to the child4 ,she will be in danger of marrying a blind man1 or a helpless cripple1 out of pure sympathy1 he once said4 ,but by far the strongest of all the impressions of her childhood related to her father4 ,his presence was to her the happiest spot on earth1 and any special expression of his affection would throw her into an ecstasy of delight4 ,when he was away she pined for his return4 ,the children all send a great deal of love1 and ,elizabeth says1 ,do tell ,papa to come home1 wrote her mother to him1 when she was six years old4 ,her recollections of her father were singularly vivid4 ,she could describe minutely his domestic habits1 how he looked and talked as he sat by the fireside or at the table1 his delight in and skillful use of carpenters' tools1 his ingenious devices for amusing her and diverting his own weariness as he lay sick in bed1 e4g41 tearing up sheets of white paper into tiny bits1 and then letting her pour them out of the window to make believe it snowed1 or counting all the bristles in a clothes-brush1 and then as she came in from school1 holding it up and bidding her guess their number--his coolness and efficiency in the wild excitements of a conflagration1 the calm deliberation with which he walked past the horror-stricken lookers on and cut the rope by which a suicide was suspended2 these and other incidents she would recall a third of a century after his death1 as if she had just heard of or just witnessed them4 ,to her child's imagination his memory seemed to be invested with the triple halo of father1 hero1 and saint4 ,a little picture of him was always near her4 ,she never mentioned his name without tender affection and reverence4 ,nor is this at all strange4 ,she was almost nine years old when he died2 and his influence1 during these years1 penetrated to her inmost being4 ,she once said that of her father's virtues one only--punctuality--had descended to her4 ,but here she was surely wrong4 ,not only did she owe to him some of the most striking peculiarities of her physical and mental constitution1 but her piety itself1 if not inherited1 was largely inspired and shaped by his4 ,in the whole tone and expression of her earlier religious life1 at least1 one sees him clearly reflected4 ,his devotional habits1 in particular1 left upon her an indelible impression4 ,once1 when four or five years old1 rushing by mistake into his room1 she found him prostrate upon his face--completely lost in prayer4 ,a short time before her death1 speaking of this scene to a friend1 she remarked that the remembrance of it had influenced her ever since4 ,what somebody said of ,sara ,coleridge might indeed have been said with no less truth of ,elizabeth ,payson3 ,her father had looked down into her eyes and left in them the light of his own4 ,the only records of her childhood from her own pen consist of the following letters1 written to her sister1 while the latter was passing a year in ,boston4 ,she was then nine years old4 ,,portland1 ,may #ah1 #ahbh4 ,my dear sister3--,i thank you for writing to such a little girl as ,i am1 when you have so little time4 ,i was going to study a little catechism which ,miss ,martin has got1 but she said ,i could not learn it4 ,i want to learn it4 ,i do not like to stay so long at school4 ,we have to write composition by dictation1 as ,miss ,martin calls it4 ,she reads to us out of a book a sentence at a time4 ,we write it and then we write it again on our slates1 because we do not always get the whole2 then we write it on a piece of paper4 ,miss ,martin says ,i may say my ,sunday-school lesson there4 ,mr4 ,mitchell has had a great many new books4 ,i have been sick4 ,doctor ,cummings has been here and says ,e4 is better and he thinks he will not have a fever4444 ,g4 goes to school to ,miss ,libby1 and ,h4 goes to ,master ,jackson4 ,h4 sends his love4 ,good-bye4 ,your affectionate sister1 ,e4 ,,payson1 ,september #bi1 #ahbh4 ,my dear sister3--,i think you were very kind to write to me1 when you have so little time4 ,i began to go to ,mrs4 ,petrie's school a week ago yesterday4 ,i stay at home ,mondays in the morning to assist in taking care of ,charles or such little things as ,i can do4 ,g4 goes with me4 ,when mother put ,charles and him to bed1 as soon as she had done praying with them1 ,g4 said1 ,mother1 will this world be all burnt up when we are dead8 ,she said1 ,yes1 my dear1 it will4 ,what1 and all the dishes too8 will they melt like lead8 and will the ground be burnt up too8 ,o what a nasty fire it will make4 ,i saw the ,northern lights last night4 ,i sleep in a very large pleasant room in the bed with mother4444 ,i have a very pleasant room for my baby-house over the porch which has two windows and a fireplace in it1 and a little cupboard too4 ,e4 ,wood and ,i are as intimate as ever4 ,i suppose you know that ,mr4 ,wood is building him a brick house4 ,mrs4 ,merril's little baby is dead4 ,it was buried yesterday afternoon4 ,mr4 ,mussey lives across the street from us4 ,he has a great many elm trees in his front yard4 ,his house is three stories high and the trees reach to the top4 ,we have heard two or three times from ,e4 since he went away4 ,yesterday all the ,sabbath-schools walked in a procession and then went to our meeting-house and ,mr4 ,william ,cutter addressed them4 ,i am your affectionate sister1 ,e4 ,payson4 ,her feeble constitution exposed her to severe attacks of disease1 and in ,may1 #ahcj1 she was brought to the verge of the grave by a violent fever4 ,her mother was deeply moved by this event1 and while recording in her journal ,god's goodness in sparing ,elizabeth1 wonders whether it is to the end that she may one day devote herself to her ,saviour and do something for the honor of religion4 ,in the latter part of #ahcj ,mrs4 ,payson removed to ,new ,york1 where her eldest daughter opened a school for girls4 ,it was during this residence in ,new ,york that ,elizabeth1 at the age of twelve years1 made a public confession of ,christ and came to the ,lord's table for the first time4 ,she was received into the ,bleecker street--now the ,fourth avenue--,presbyterian church1 then under the pastoral care of the ,rev4 ,erskine ,mason1 ,d4,d41 ,may #a1 #ahca4 ,toward the close of the same year the family returned to ,portland4 ,in a letter addressed to her husband1 one of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' oldest friends now living1 ,miss ,julia ,d4 ,willis1 has furnished the following reminiscences of her early years4 ,while they confirm what has been said about her childhood1 they are especially valuable for the glimpses they give of her father and mother and sister4 ,the ,willis and ,payson families were very intimate and warmly attached to each other4 ,mr4 ,nathaniel ,willis1 the father of ,n4 ,p4 ,willis the poet1 was well known in connection with ,the ,boston ,recorder1 of which he was for many years the conductor and proprietor4 ,both ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,willis cherished the most affectionate veneration for the memory of ,dr4 ,payson4 ,so long as she lived their house was a home to ,mrs4 ,payson and her daughters1 whenever they visited ,boston4 ,as a preacher ,dr4 ,payson could not fail to make a strong impression even on a child4 ,years ago in ,new ,york ,i once told ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 who was too young1 at her father's death1 to remember him well in the pulpit1 that the only public speaker who ever reminded me of him1 was ,edwin ,booth in ,hamlet4 ,i surprised1 and1 ,i am afraid1 a little shocked her1 but it was quite true4 ,the slender figure1 the dark1 brilliant eyes1 the deep earnestness of tone1 the rapid utterance combined with perfect distinctness of enunciation1 in spite of surroundings the best calculated to repel such an association1 recalled him vividly to my memory4 ,my father's connection with the religious press after his removal from ,portland to ,boston1 brought many clergymen to our house1 who often1 in the kindness of their hearts1 requited hospitality by religious conversation with the children1 not church members1 and presumably1 therefore1 impenitent4 ,i did not always appreciate this kindness as it deserved1 and often exercised considerable ingenuity to avoid being alone with them4 ,in ,dr4 ,payson's case1 ,i soon learned1 on the contrary1 to seek such occasions4 ,i was sure that before long he would look up from his book1 or his manuscript1 and have something pleasant or playful to say to me4 ,his general conversation1 however1 was oftener on religious than on any other subjects1 but it was so evidently from the fullness of his heart1 and his vivid imagination afforded him such a wealth of illustration1 that it was delightful even to an impenitent child4 ,years afterward when ,i read in his ,memoir of his desponding temperament1 of his seasons of gloom1 of the sense of sin under which he was bowed down1 it seemed impossible to me that it could be my ,dr4 ,payson4 ,i visited ,portland and was an inmate of his family1 at the commencement of the illness that finally proved fatal4 ,he was not confined to his bed1 or to his room1 but he was forbidden1 indeed unable1 to preach1 unable to write or study2 he could only read and think4 ,still he did not shut himself up in his study with his sad thoughts4 ,i remember him as usually seated with his book by the side of the fire1 surrounded by his family1 as if he would enjoy their society as long as possible1 and the children's play was never hushed on his account4 ,nor did he forget the young visitor4 ,when the elder daughter1 to whom my visit was made1 was at school1 he would care for my entertainment by telling a story1 or propounding a riddle1 or providing an entertaining book to beguile the time till ,louisa's return4 ,among the group in that cheerful room1 ,i remember ,lizzy well1 a beautiful child1 slender1 dark-eyed1 light-footed1 very quiet1 evidently observant1 but saying little1 affectionate1 yet not demonstrative4 ,one evening during my visit1 ,mrs4 ,payson not being quite well1 the elders had retired early1 leaving ,louisa and myself by the side of the fire1 she preparing her school lesson and ,i occupied in reading4 ,the lesson finished1 ,louisa proposed retiring1 but ,i was too much interested in my book to leave it and promised to follow soon4 ,she left me rather reluctantly1 and ,i read on1 too much absorbed in my book to notice the time1 till near midnight1 when ,i was startled by hearing ,dr4 ,payson's step upon the stairs4 ,i expected the reproof which ,i certainly deserved1 but though evidently surprised at seeing me1 he merely said1 ,you here8 you must be cold4 ,why did you let the fire go out8 ,bringing in some wood he soon rekindled it1 and began to talk to me of the book ,i was reading1 which was one of ,walter ,scott's poems4 ,he then spoke of a poem which he had been reading that day1 ,southey's ,curse of ,kehama4 ,he related to me with perfect clearness the long and rather involved story1 with that wonderful memory of his1 never once forgetting or confusing the strange ,oriental names1 and repeating word for word the curse3 ,i charm thy life1 from the weapons of strife1 ,from stone and from wood1 from fire and from flood1 ,from the serpent's tooth1 and the beasts of blood1 ,from sickness ,i charm thee1 and time shall not harm thee1 etc41 etc4 ,i listened1 intent1 fascinated1 forgot to ask why he was there instead of in his bed1 forgot that it was midnight instead of mid-day4 ,it was not till on bidding me good night he added1 ,i hope you will have a better night than ,i shall1 that it occurred to me that he must be suffering4 ,the next day ,i learned from his wife that when unable to sleep on account of his racking cough1 he often left his bed at night1 the cough being more endurable when in a sitting posture4 ,i never saw ,dr4 ,payson after that visit1 nor for several years any of the family1 except ,louisa1 who spent a year with us while attending school in ,boston to fit herself as a teacher to aid in the support of her younger brothers and sister4 ,when ,i was next with them1 ,louisa was already at the head of a school in which her young sister was the brightest pupil1 and to the profits of which she laid no personal claim1 all going untouched into the family purse4 ,several young girls1 ,louisa's pupils1 had been received as boarders in the family1 and occasionally a clergyman was added to the number4 ,it was during this visit that ,i first learned to appreciate ,mrs4 ,payson4 ,now that she stood alone at the head of the household1 either her fine qualities were in bolder relief1 or ,i being older1 was better able to estimate them4 ,the singular vivacity of her intellect made her a delightful companion4 ,then her youth had been passed in the literary circles of ,new ,haven and ,andover1 and she had much to tell of distinguished people known to me only by reputation4 ,i admired her firm yet gentle rule1 so skilfully adapted to the varying natures under her charge2 her conscientious study of that homely virtue economy1 so distasteful to one of her naturally lavish temper1 always ready to give to those in need to an extent which called forth constant remonstrances from more prudent friends2 her alacrity also in all household labors1 which the more excited my wonder1 knowing the little opportunity she could have had to practise them amid the wealth of her father's house before the ,embargo1 which later wrecked his fortune with those of so many other ,new ,england merchants4 ,she was1 indeed1 of a most noble nature1 hating all meanness and injustice1 and full of helpful kindness and sympathy4 ,no woman ever had warmer or more devoted friends4 ,both at this time and in subsequent visits1 as she advanced from childhood to girlhood1 ,i remember ,lizzy well2 although my attention was chiefly absorbed by the elder sister of my own age1 my principal companion when present1 and correspondent when absent4 ,the two sisters were strongly contrasted4 ,louisa1 as a child1 was afflicted with a sensitive1 almost morbid shyness and reserve1 and an incapacity for enjoying the society of other children whose tastes were uncongenial with her own4 ,the shyness passed with her childhood1 but the sensitiveness and exclusiveness never quite left her4 ,her love of books was a passion1 and she would resent an unfair criticism of a favorite author as warmly as if it were an attack on a personal friend4 ,to ,lizzy1 on the contrary1 a friend was a book which she loved to read4 ,human nature was her favorite study4 ,there seemed to be no one in whom she could not find something to interest her1 none with whom there was not some point of sympathy4 ,combined with this wide and genial sympathy was another quality which helped to endear her to her companions1 viz41 an entire absence of all attempt to show her best side1 or put the best face on anything that concerned her4 ,an ingenuous frankness about herself and her affairs--even about her little weaknesses--was one of her most striking traits4 ,no one1 indeed1 could know her without learning to love her dearly4 ,yet if ,i should say that in my visits to ,portland1 ,lizzy always appeared to me pre-eminently the life and charm of the household1 it would not be exactly true1 though she would have been so of almost any other household4 ,the ,payson family was a delightful one to visit1 all were so bright1 and in the contest of wits that took place often between ,lizzy and her merry brothers1 it was sometimes hard to tell which bore off the palm4 ,i do not know that ,i ever thought of her at that time as an author4 ,if anybody had predicted to me that one of that group would be the writer of books1 which would not only have a wide circulation at home1 but be translated into foreign languages1 ,i should certainly have selected ,louisa1 and ,i think most persons who knew them would have done the same4 ,the elder sister's passion for books1 her great powers of acquisition1 the range of her attainments--embracing not only modern languages and their literature1 but ,latin1 ,greek and ,hebrew--her ability to maintain discussions on ,german metaphysics and theology with learned ,professors1 all seemed to point her out as the one likely to achieve distinction in the literary world4 ,i do not remember whether it was ,lizzy's early contributions to ,the ,youth's ,companion1 showing already the germ of the creative power in her1 or her letters to her sister1 which first suggested to me that the pleasure her friends found in her conversation might yet be enjoyed by those who would never see her4 ,louisa had given up her school for the more congenial employment of contributing to magazines and reviews and of writing children's books4 ,and as the greater literary resources of ,boston drew her thither1 she was often for months a welcome guest at our house1 where she first met ,professor ,hopkins of ,williamstown1 and whom she afterward married4 ,the letters which ,lizzy wrote to her at those times were never allowed to be the monopoly of one person2 we all claimed a right to read them4 ,the ease with which in these she seemed to talk with her pen1 the mingled pathos and humor with which she would relate all the little joys and sorrows of daily life1 leaving her readers between a smile and a tear1 showed the same characteristics which afterward made her published writings so much more generally attractive than the graver ones of her elder sister4 ,but ,louisa's failing health soon after her marriage1 and the long years of suffering which followed1 prevented her ever doing justice to the expectations her friends had formed for her4 ,the occasion of my next visit to ,portland was a letter from ,mrs4 ,payson to my mother1 who was her constant correspondent1 in which she spoke sadly of an indisposition she feared was the precursor of serious illness1 but which chiefly troubled her on account of ,lizzy's distress that her school prevented her being constantly with her mother4 ,an offer on my part to come and take her place1 in her hours of necessary absence1 was at once accepted4 ,mrs4 ,payson's illness proved less serious than had been feared1 and once more ,i passed several pleasant weeks in that house2 but the pleasantest hours of the day were those in which ,lizzy1 returning from school1 sat down at her mother's bedside and amused her with her talk about her pupils1 their various characters and the progress they had made in their studies1 or related little incidents of the school-room--with her usual frankness not omitting those which revealed some fault1 or what she considered such1 on her part1 especially her impulsiveness that led her often to say things she afterward regretted4 ,as an example1 one of her pupils was reading ,french to her and coming to the expression ,mon ,dieu6 so common in ,french narratives1 had pronounced it so badly that ,lizzy exclaimed1 ,mon ,doo8 ,he would not know himself what you meant6 ,the laugh which it was impossible to repress1 did not diminish her compunction at what she feared her pupils would regard as irreverence on her part4 ,i believe ,i always cherished sufficient affection for my teachers1 and yet ,i was not a little astonished on accompanying ,lizzy to school one day1 to see as we turned the corner of a street a rush of girls with unbonneted heads1 to greet their young teacher for whom they had been watching1 and escort her to her throne in the school-room1 and evidently in their hearts4 ,for a year or two after this visit ,i have no recollection of her1 or indeed of any of the ,payson family4 ,death1 meanwhile1 had been busy in my own home1 and my memory is a blank for anything beyond that sad circle4 ,since that date you have known her better than ,i4 ,i wish that these recollections of a time when ,i knew her better than you1 were not so meagre4 ,if we were not thousands of miles apart1 and ,i could talk with you1 instead of writing to you1 perhaps they would not appear quite so unsatisfying4 ,yet1 trivial as they are1 ,i send them1 in the persuasion that any trifle that concerned her or hers is of interest to you4 ,,geneva1 ,switzerland1 ,feb4 #a1 #ahgi4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,recollections of ,elizabeth's ,girlhood by an early ,friend and ,schoolmate4 ,her own ,picture of ,herself before her ,father's ,death4 ,favorite ,resorts4 ,why ,god permits so much ,suffering4 ,literary ,tastes4 ,letters4 ,what are ,little ,babies ,for8 ,opens a ,school4 ,religious ,interest4 ,it is to be regretted that the letters referred to by ,miss ,willis1 and indeed nearly all of ,elizabeth's family letters1 written before she left her mother's roof1 have disappeared4 ,but the following recollections by ,mrs4 ,m4 ,c4 ,h4 ,clark1 of ,portland1 will in part supply their place and serve to fill up the outline1 already given1 of the first twenty years of her life4 ,in the volume of sketches entitled1 ,only a ,dandelion1 you will find1 in the story of ,anna and ,emily1 some very pleasing incidents relating to the early life of dear ,elizabeth4 ,anna was ,lizzy ,wood1 her earliest playmate and friend4 ,miss ,wood was a sweet girl1 the only sister of ,dr4 ,william ,wood1 of ,portland4 ,she died at an early age4 ,emily was ,mrs4 ,prentiss herself4 ,i remember her once telling me about the visit at ,aunt ,w4's1 and believe that nearly all the details of the story are founded in fact4 ,it is her own picture of herself as a little girl1 drawn to the life4 ,several traits of the character of ,emily1 as given in the sketch1 are on this account worthy of special note4 ,one is her very intense desire not only to be loved1 but to be loved alone1 or much more than any one else2 and to be assured of it over and over again4 ,when ,anna returned from her journey1 she brought the same presents to ,susan ,morton as to ,emily4 ,on discovering this fact ,emily was greatly distressed4 ,i thought you would be so glad to get all these things6 said ,anna4 ,and so ,i am1 said ,emily1 ,i only want you to love me better than any other little girl1 because ,i love you better4 ,well1 and so ,i do1 returned ,anna2 ,i love you ten times as well as ,i love ,susan ,morton4 ,this satisfied ,emily1 and for many days her restless little heart was as quiet and happy as a lamb's4 ,another trait is brought out in the incident that occurred on her returning home from ,anna's4 ,she had written1 or rather scratched1 the word ,anna1 over one whole side of her room1 while odd lines of what purported to be poetry filled the other4 ,but this was not all4 ,her sister produced the beautiful ,bible which had been given ,emily by her ,aunt ,lucy1 on her seventh birthday1 and showed her father how all its blank leaves were covered with ,annas4 ,her father took the book with reverence1 and ,emily understood and felt the seriousness with which he examined her idle scrawls4 ,it was a look that would have risen up before her and made her stay her hand1 should she ever again in her life-long have been tempted thus to misuse the word of ,god2 just as the angel stood before ,balaam in the narrow path he was struggling to push through4 ,but ,emily never again was thus tempted2 and ever after her ,bible was sacredly kept free from blot1 or wrinkle1 or any such thing4 ,her father now took her with him to his study1 and gave her a great many pieces of paper1 some large and some small1 on which he told her with a smile1 she could write ,anna's name to her heart's content4 ,emily felt very grateful2 this little kindness on her father's part did her more good than a month's lecture could have done1 and made her resolve never to do anything that could possibly grieve him again4 ,she went away to her own little baby-house and wrote on one of the bits of paper1 some verses1 in which she said she had the best father in the world4 ,when they were done1 she read them over once or twice1 and admired them exceedingly2 after which1 with a very mysterious air1 she went and threw them into the kitchen fire4 ,this incident1 so prettily related1 illustrates the intensity of her friendships1 shows that she had begun to write verses when a mere child1 and gives a very pleasant glimpse of her father and of her devotion to him4 ,my intimate acquaintance with her commenced in #ahcb1 when we were members of ,miss ,tyler's ,sabbath-school class4 ,miss ,tyler was a daughter of ,rev4 ,dr4 ,bennett ,tyler1 her father's successor4 ,she was greatly pleased when ,i told her ,i was going to attend her sister's school1 which was opened in the spring of #ahcc1 on the corner of ,middle and ,lime streets4 ,my seat was next to hers and we were placed in the same classes4 ,our homes were near each other on ,franklin street1 and we always walked back and forth together4 ,she was at this time a prolific writer of notes4 ,sometimes she would meet me on ,monday morning with not less than four1 written since we had parted on ,saturday afternoon4 ,she used to complain now and then1 that ,i wrote her only one to four or five of hers to me4 ,in the pleasant summer afternoons we loved to take long walks together4 ,one was down by the shore behind the eastern promenade4 ,here we would find a sheltered nook1 and with our backs to the world and our faces toward the islands and the ocean1 would sit in rapt enjoyment of the scene1 speaking scarcely a word1 until one or the other exclaimed with a long-drawn sigh3 ,well1 it is time for us to go home4 ,another of our places of resort was the old cemetery on ,congress street1 which in those days was very retired4 ,our favorite spot here was the summit of a tomb1 which stood on the highest point in the grounds4 ,it was the old style of tomb--a broad marble slab1 supported by six small stone pillars on a stone foundation1 and surrounded by two steps raised above the soil4 ,it was a very quiet retreat4 ,we could hear the distant hum of the city and at the same time enjoy a view of the water and shipping1 as the land sloped down toward the harbor4 ,i remember well that one dark spring day1 as we sat there cuddled up under the broad slab1 ,lizzy gave me an account of a book she had just been reading4 ,it was the ,memoir of ,miss ,susanna ,anthony1 by old ,dr4 ,hopkins1 of ,newport4 ,she told me what a good and holy woman ,miss ,anthony was1 how much she suffered and how beautifully she bore her sufferings4 ,my sympathy was strongly excited and ,i exclaimed1 ,i do not see how it is right for ,god1 who can control all things1 to permit such suffering6 ,lizzy replied very sweetly1 ,well1 ,carrie1 we can't understand it1 but ,i have been thinking that this might be ,god's way of preparing ,his children for very high degrees of service on earth1 or happiness in heaven4 ,i was deeply impressed with this remark2 somehow it seemed to stand by me1 and ,i think it was a corner-stone of her faith4 ,this summer--that of #ahcc--;her mother fitted up for her exclusive use a small room called the ,blue ,room1 where she had all her books and treasures--among them a writing desk which had been her father's4 ,here all her leisure hours were spent4 ,it was my privilege to be admitted to this sanctuary1 and many pleasant hours we passed together there4 ,i think ,elizabeth was always religious4 ,she knew a great deal then about the ,bible and often talked with me of divine things4 ,she seemed to feel a deep interest in my spiritual welfare4 ,she loved to share with me her favorite books4 ,to her ,i was indebted for my acquaintance with ,george ,herbert1 and with ,wordsworth4 ,she induced me to read ,owen on the #acc;d ,psalm1 and ,flavel's ,fountain of ,life4 ,in #ahcd we both began to attend the ,free street ,seminary1 of which the ,rev4 ,solomon ,adams was then ,principal4 ,her sister had become assistant teacher with him4 ,our desks adjoined each other and we were together a great deal4 ,she was an admirable scholar1 very studious1 prompt and ready at recitation4 ,her influence and example1 added to her friendship and sympathy1 were invaluable to me at this period4 ,one day1 about this time1 she told me of her engagement with ,mr4 ,willis1 to become a contributor to ,the ,youth's ,companion4 ,this paper was one of the first1 if not the first1 of its class published in this country1 and had a wide circulation among the children throughout ,new ,england4 ,most of the pieces in ,only a ,dandelion1 first appeared1 ,i think1 in the ,youth's ,companion1 among the rest several in verse4 ,they are written in a sprightly style1 are full of bright fancies as well as sound feeling and excellent sense1 and foretoken plainly the author of the ',susy' books4 ,in #ahce ,lizzy went to ,ipswich and spent the summer in the school there4 ,it was then under the care of ,miss ,grant1 and was the most noted institution of its kind in ,new ,england4 ,a year or two later1 ,mr4 ,n4 ,p4 ,willis returned from ,europe1 and with his ,english bride made a short visit at ,mrs4 ,payson's4 ,miss ,payson talked with him of ,elizabeth's taste for writing poetry and showed him some of her pieces4 ,he praised and encouraged her warmly1 and this was1 ,i think1 one of the influences that strengthened her in the purpose to become an author4 ,upon my telling her one day how much ,i liked a certain ,sunday-school book ,i had just read1 she smilingly asked1 ,what would you think if some day ,i should write a book as good as that8 ,i saw a good deal of her home life at this time4 ,it was full of filial and sisterly love and devotion4 ,amidst the household cares by which her mother was often weighed down and worried1 she was an ever-near friend and sympathizer4 ,to her brothers1 too1 she endeared herself exceedingly by her helpful1 cheery ways and the strong vein of fun and mirthfulness which ran through her daily life4 ,in the spring of #ahcg ,mrs4 ,payson sold her house on ,franklin street and rented one in the upper part of the city4 ,lizzy used to call it the pumpkin house1 because it was old and ugly2 but its situation and the opportunity to indulge her rural tastes made amends for all its defects4 ,in a letter to her friend ,miss ,e4 ,t4 of ,brooklyn1 ,n4 ,y41 dated ,may #ba1 #ahcg1 she thus refers to it3 ,since your last letter arrived we have left our pleasant home for an old yellow one above ,john ,neal's4 ,now don't imagine it to be a delicate straw-color1 neither the smiling hue of the early dandelion4 ,no1 it once shone forth in all the glories of a deep pumpkin2 but time's effacing fingers have sadly marred its beauty4 ,mr4 ,neal's ,aunt ,ruth1 a quiet old ,quakeress1 occupies a part of it and we ,paysons bestow ourselves in the remainder4 ,this comes to you from its great garret4 ,here ,i sit every night till after dark as merry as a grig4 ,the mind is its own place4 ,with all the inconveniences of the house ,i would not exchange it at present for any other in the city4 ,the situation is perfectly delightful4 ,casco ,bay and part of ,deering's ,oaks lie in full view4 #h ,the ,oaks are within a few minutes' walk4 ,back-,cove is seen beyond1 and rising far above the blue ,white ,mountains4 ,the ,arsenal stares us in the face1 if we look out the end windows and the ,westbrook meeting-house is nearer than ,mr4 ,vail's by a quarter of a mile4 ,i never believed there was anything half so fine in this region4 ,i think nothing of walking anywhere now4 ,one day1 after various domestic duties1 ,i worked in my tiny garden four hours1 and in the afternoon a party of girls came up for me to go with them to ,bramhall's hill4 ,we walked from three till half past six1 came back and ate a hasty1 with some of us a furious supper1 and then all paraded down to second parish to singing-school4 ,i expect to live out in the air most of the summer4 ,i mean to have as pleasant a one as possible1 because we shall never live so near the ,oaks and other pretty places another summer4 ,if you were not so timid ,i should wish you were here to run about with me1 but who ever heard of ,e4 ,t4 running8 ,now1 ,ellen1 ,i never was meant to be dignified and sometimes--yea1 often--,i run1 skip1 hop1 and once ,i did climb over a fence6 ,very unladylike1 ,i know1 but ,i am not a lady4 ,in the fall of #ahcg ,mrs4 ,payson moved again4 ,the incident deserves mention1 as it brought ,lizzy into daily intercourse with the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,french and his wife4 ,mr4 ,french was rector of the ,episcopal church in ,portland1 and afterward ,professor and ,chaplain at ,west ,point4 ,he was a man of fine literary culture and ,mrs4 ,french was a very attractive woman4 ,in a letter dated ,night before ,thanksgiving1 and addressed to the early friend already mentioned1 ,lizzy refers to this removal and also gives a glimpse of her active home life3 ,i have been busy all day and am so tired ,i can scarcely hold a pen4 ,amidst the beating of eggs1 the pounding of spices1 the furious rolling of pastry of all degrees of shortness1 the filling of pies with pumpkins1 mince-meat1 apples1 and the like1 the stoning of raisins and washing of currants1 the beating and baking of cake1 and all the other ings1 7in all of which ,i have had my share7 thoughts of your ladyship have somehow squeezed themselves in4 ,we have really bidden adieu to ,pumpkin ,place1 as ,mrs4 ,willis calls it1 and established ourselves in a house formerly occupied by old ,parson ,smith--and very snug and comfortable we are1 ,i assure you4 ,in the midst of our moving1 after ,i had packed and stowed and lifted1 and been elbowed by all the sharp corners in the house1 and had my hands all torn and scratched1 ,i spied the new ,knickerbocker 'mid a heap of rubbish and was tempted to peep into it4 ,lo and behold1 the first thing that met my eye was the ,lament of the ,last ,peach4 #i ,i didn't care to read more and forthwith returned to fitting of carpets and arranging tables and chairs and bureaus--but all the while meditating how ,i should be revenged upon you4 ,as to ----'s request ,i am sorry to answer nay2 for ,i feel it would be the greatest presumption in me to think of writing for a magazine like that4 ,i do not wish to publish anything1 anywhere1 though it would be quite as wise as to entrust my scraps to your care4 ,my mother often urges me to send little things which she happens to fancy1 to this and that periodical4 ,without her interference nothing of mine would ever have found its way into print4 ,but mammas look with rose-colored spectacles on the actions and performances of their offspring4 ,have you laughed over the ,pickwick ,papers8 ,we have almost laughed ourselves to death over them4 ,i have not seen ,lizzy ,d4 for a long time1 but hear she is getting along rapidly4 ,if ,i could go to school two years more1 ,i should be glad1 but of course that is out of the question4444 ,it is easier for you to write often than it is for me4 ,you have not three tearing1 growing brothers to mend and make for4 ,i am become quite expert in the arts of patching and darning4 ,i am going to get some pies and cake and raisins and other goodies to send to our girl's sick brother4 ,if ,i had not so dear and happy a home1 ,i should envy you yours4 ,you say you do not remember whether ,i love music or not4 ,i love it extravagantly sometimes--but have not the knowledge to enjoy scientific performances4 ,the simple melody of a single voice is my delight4 ,mrs4 ,french1 the ,episcopal minister's wife1 who is a great friend of ours and lives next door 7so near that she and sister talk together out of their windows71 has a baby two days old with black curly hair and black eyes1 and ,i shall have a nice time with it this winter4 ,do you love babies8 ,the question with which this letter closes1 suggests one of ,lizzy's most striking and loveliest traits4 ,she had a perfect passion for babies1 and reveled in tending1 kissing1 and playing with them4 ,here are some pretty lines in one of her girlish contributions to ,the ,youth's ,companion1 which express her feeling about them3 ,what are little babies for8 ,say6 say6 say6 ,are they good-for-nothing things8 ,nay6 nay6 nay6 ,can they speak a single word8 ,say6 say6 say6 ,can they help their mothers sew8 ,nay6 nay6 nay6 ,can they walk upon their feet8 ,say6 say6 say6 ,can they even hold themselves8 ,nay6 nay6 nay6 ,what are little babies for8 ,say6 say6 say6 ,are they made for us to love8 ,yea6 ,,yea66 ,,yea666 ,in the fall of #ahch ,mrs4 ,payson purchased a house in ,cumberland street1 which continued to be her residence until the family was broken up4 ,you remember the charming little room ,lizzy had fitted up over the hall in this house1 how nicely she kept it1 and how happy she was in it4 ,one of the windows looked out on a little flower garden and at the close of the long summer days the sunset could be enjoyed from the west window4 ,she had had some fine books given her1 which1 added to the previous store1 made a somewhat rare collection for a young girl in those days4 ,about this time1 having been relieved of her part of domestic service by the coming into the family of a young relative--whose devotion to her was unbounded--she opened in the house a school for little girls4 ,it consisted at first of perhaps eight or ten1 but their number increased until the house could scarcely hold them4 ,she was a born teacher and her young pupils fairly idolized her4 #aj ,in this year1 too1 she took a class in the ,sabbath-school composed of nearly the same group who surrounded her on the week-days1 and they remained under her care as long as she lived in ,portland4 ,the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,vail having retired from the pastorate of the second parish in the autumn of #ahcg1 ,cyrus ,hamlin1 just from the ,theological ,seminary at ,bangor1 became the stated supply for some months4 ,his preaching attracted the young people and during the winter and spring there was much interest in all the ,congregational churches4 ,following the example of the other pastors1 ,mr4 ,hamlin invited persons seriously disposed to meet him for religious conversation4 ,elizabeth besought me1 with all possible earnestness and affection1 to go to ,mr4 ,hamlin's meeting4 ,one day she came to see me a short time before the hour1 saying that ,i was ever on her mind and in her prayers1 that she had talked with ,mr4 ,hamlin about me1 nor would she leave me until ,i had promised to attend the meeting4 ,i did so2 and from that time we were united in the strong bonds of ,christian love and sympathy4 ,what a spiritual helper she was to me in those days6 ,what precious notes ,i was all the time receiving from her6 ,the memory of her tender1 faithful friendship is still fresh and delightful1 after the lapse of more than forty years4 #aa ,in the summer of #ahch the ,rev4 ,jonathan ,b4 ,condit1 ,d4,d41 was called from his chair in ,amherst ,college and installed pastor of our church4 ,he was a man of very graceful and winning manners and wonderfully magnetic4 ,he at once became almost an object of worship with the enthusiastic young people4 ,the services of the ,sabbath and the weekly meetings were delightful4 ,the young ladies had a praying circle which met every ,saturday afternoon1 full of life and sunshine4 ,indeed1 the exclusive interest of the season was religious2 our reading and conversation were religious2 well-nigh the sole subject of thought was learning something new of our ,saviour and ,his blessed service4 ,all ,lizzy's friends and several of her own family were rejoicing in hope4 ,and she herself was radiant with joy4 ,for a little while it seemed almost as if the shadows in the ,christian path had fled away1 and the crosses vanished out of sight4 ,the winter and spring of #ahdj witnessed another period of general religious interest in ,portland4 ,large numbers were gathered into the churches4 ,lizzy was greatly impressed by the work1 her own ,christian life was deepened and widened1 she was blessed in guiding several members of her beloved ,sunday-school class to the ,saviour1 and was thus prepared1 also1 for the sharp trial awaiting her in the autumn of the same year1 when she left her home and mother for a long absence in ,richmond4 ,from her earliest years she was in the habit of keeping a journal1 and she must have filled several volumes4 ,i wonder that she did not preserve them as mementos of her childhood and youth4 ,perhaps because her afterlife was so happy that she never needed to refer to such reminiscences of days gone by4 ,i have thus given you1 in a very informal manner1 some recollections of her earlier years4 ,i have been astonished to find how vividly ,i recalled scenes1 events and conversations so long past4 ,i was startled and shocked when the news came of her sudden death4 ,but ,i can not feel that she was called to her rest too soon4 ,she seemed to me singularly happy in all the relations of life2 and then as an author1 hers was an exceptional case of full appreciation and success4 ,i have ever regarded her as favored among women--blessed in doing her ,master's will and testifying for ,him1 blessed in her home1 in her friends1 and in her work1 and blessed in her death4 ,,portland1 ,december #ca1 #ahgh4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,the ,dominant ,type of ,religious ,life and ,thought in ,new ,england in the ,first ,half of this ,century4 ,literary ,influences4 ,letter of ,cyrus ,hamlin4 ,a ,strange ,coincidence4 ,a brief notice of the general type of religious life and thought1 which prevailed at this time in ,new ,england1 will throw light upon both the preceding and following pages4 ,elizabeth's early ,christian character1 although largely shaped by that of her father1 was also1 like his1 vitally affected by the religious spirit and methods then dominant4 ,several distinct elements entered into the piety of ,new ,england at that period1 7#a47 ,there was1 first of all1 the old ,puritan element which the ,pilgrim ,fathers and their immediate successors brought with them from the mother-country1 and which had been nourished by the writings of the great ,puritan divines of the seventeenth century--such as ,baxter1 ,howe1 ,bunyan1 ,owen1 ,matthew ,henry1 and ,flavel--by the ,imitation of ,christ1 and ,bishop ,taylor's ,holy ,living and ,dying1 and by such writers as ,doddridge1 ,watts1 and ,jonathan ,edwards of the last century4 ,this lay at the foundation of the whole structure1 giving it strength1 solidity1 earnestness1 and power4 7#b47 ,but it was modified by the so-called ,evangelical element1 which marked large sections of the ,church of ,england and most of the ,dissenting bodies in ,great ,britain during the last half of the eighteenth and the early part of the nineteenth century4 ,the writings of ,john ,newton1 ,richard ,cecil1 ,hannah ,more1 ,thomas ,scott1 ,cowper1 ,wilberforce1 ,leigh ,richmond1 ,john ,foster1 ,andrew ,fuller1 and ,robert ,hall--not to mention others--were widely circulated in ,new ,england and had great influence in its pulpits and its ,christian homes4 ,their admirable spirit infused itself into thousands of lives1 and helped in many ways to improve the general tone both of theological and devotional sentiment4 7#c47 ,but another element still was the new ,evangelistic spirit1 which inaugurated and still informs those great movements of ,christian benevolence1 both at home and abroad1 that are the glory of the age4 ,dr4 ,payson's ministry began just before the formation of the ,american ,board of ,commissioners for ,foreign ,missions1 and before his death mission-work had come to be regarded as quite essential to the piety and prosperity of the ,church4 ,the ,lives of ,david ,brainerd1 ,henry ,martyn1 ,harriet ,newell1 and others like them1 were household books4 7#d47 ,nor should the revival element be omitted in enumerating the forces that then shaped the piety and religious thought of ,new ,england4 ,the growth of the ,church and the advancement of the cause of ,christ were regarded as inseparable from this influence4 ,a revival was the constant object of prayer and effort on the part of earnest pastors and of the more devout among the people4 ,far more stress was laid upon special seasons and measures of spiritual interest and activity than now--less upon ,christian nurture as a means of grace1 and upon the steady1 normal development of church life4 ,many of the most eminent1 devoted1 and useful servants of ,christ1 whose names1 during the last half century1 have adorned the annals of ,american faith and zeal1 owed their conversion1 or1 if not their conversion1 some of their noblest and strongest ,christian impulses1 to revivals of religion4 7#e47 ,to all these should perhaps1 be added another element--namely1 that of the new spirit of reform and the new ethical tone1 which1 during the third and fourth decades of this century especially1 wrought with such power in ,new ,england4 ,of this influence and of the philanthropic idea that inspired it1 ,dr4 ,channing may be regarded as the most eminent representative4 ,it brought to the front the humanity and moral teaching of ,christ1 as at once the pattern and rule of all true progress1 whether individual or social2 and it was widely felt1 even where it was not distinctly recognised or understood4 ,whatever errors or imperfections may have belonged to it1 this influence did much to soften the dogmatism of opinion1 to arouse a more generous1 catholic type of sentiment1 to show that the piety of the ,new ,testament is a principle of universal love to man1 as well as of love to ,god1 and to emphasise the sovereign claims of personal virtue and social justice4 ,these truths1 to be sure1 were not new2 but in the great moral-reform movements and conflicts--to a certain extent even in theological discussions--that marked the times1 they were asserted and applied with extraordinary clearness and energy of conviction2 and1 as the event has proved1 they were harbingers of a new era of ,christian thought1 culture and conduct1 both in private and public life4 ,such were some of the religious influences which surrounded ,mrs4 ,prentiss during the first twenty years of her life1 and which helped to form her character4 ,she was also strongly affected1 especially while passing from girlhood into early womanhood1 by the literary influences of the day4 ,poetry and fiction were her delight4 ,she was very fond of ,wordsworth1 ,tennyson1 and ,longfellow2 while the successive volumes of ,dickens were read by her with the utmost avidity4 ,mrs4 ,payson's house was a good deal visited by scholars and men of culture4 ,her eldest daughter had already become somewhat widely known by her writings4 ,in the extent1 variety and character of her attainments she was1 in truth1 a marvel4 ,indeed1 she quite overshadowed the younger sister by her learning and her highly intellectual conversation4 ,and yet ,elizabeth also attracted no little attention from some who had been first drawn to the house by their friendship for ,louisa4 #ab ,among her warmest admirers was ,mr4 ,john ,neal1 then well known as a man of letters2 he predicted for her a bright career as an author4 ,still1 it was her personal character that most interested the visitors at her mother's house4 ,this may be illustrated by an extract from a letter of ,mr4 ,hamlin to a friend of the family in ,new ,york1 written in ,april1 #ahch1 while he was their temporary pastor4 ,mr4 ,hamlin has since become known throughout the ,christian world by his remarkable career as a missionary in ,turkey1 and as organiser of ,robert ,college4 ,a few months after the letter was written he set sail for ,constantinople1 accompanied by his wife1 whose early death was the cause of so much grief among all who knew her4 #ac ,i should like to write a long letter about dear ,elizabeth4 ,i have seen her more since ,louisa left and ,i love her more4 ,she has a peculiar charm for me4 ,i think she has a quick and excellent judgment1 refined sensibilities1 and an instinctive perception of what is fit and proper4444 ,it seems to me there is a great deal of purity--of the spirituelle--about her feelings4 ,but ,i can not tell you exactly what it is that makes me think so highly of her4 ,it is a nameless something resulting from her whole self1 from her sweet face and mouth1 her eye full of love and soul1 her form and motion4 ,i do not think she likes me much1 ,i have paid so much attention to ,louisa and so little to herself4 ,yet she is not one of those who claim attention1 but rather shrinks from it4 ,she may have faults of which ,i have no knowledge4 ,but ,i am charmed with everything ,i have seen of her4 ,how strange are the chance coincidences of human life6 ,in another letter to the same friend in ,new ,york1 in which ,mr4 ,hamlin refers in a similar manner to ,elizabeth1 occur these words3 ,in a few weeks ,i hope to be in ,dorset1 among the ,green ,mountains1 where my thoughts and feelings have their centre above all places on this earth4 ,i wish you could be present at my wedding there on the third of ,september4 ,how little did he dream1 when penning these words1 or did his friend dream while reading them1 that1 after the lapse of more than forty years1 the dear ,elizabeth would find her grave near by the old parsonage in which that wedding was to be celebrated1 while the dust of the lovely daughter of ,dorset would be sleeping on the distant shores of the ,bosphorus6 #a ,for many years after the publication of his ,memoir1 it was so often given to children at their baptism that at one time those who bore it1 in and out of ,new ,england1 were to be numbered by hundreds1 if not thousands4 ,i once saw the deaths of three little ,edward ,paysons in one paper1 wrote ,mrs4 ,prentiss in #ahcb4 #b ,he was the author of a curious work entitled1 ,proofs of the real ,existence1 and dangerous ,tendency1 of ,illuminism4 ,charlestown1 #ahjb4 ,by ,illuminism he means an organised attempt1 or conspiracy1 to undermine the foundations of ,christian society and establish upon its ruins the system of atheism4 #c ,i spent part of last evening reading over some old letters of my grandmother's and never realised before what a remarkable woman she was both as to piety and talent4--,from a letter of ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 written in #ahfd4 #d ,in a letter to his mother1--written when ,elizabeth was three years old1 he says3 ,e4 has a terrible abscess1 which we feared would prove too much for her slender constitution4 ,we were almost worn out with watching2 and1 just as she began to mend1 ,i was seized with a violent ague in my face1 which gave me incessant anguish for six days and nights together1 and deprived me almost entirely of sleep4 ,three nights ,i did not close my eyes4 ,when well nigh distracted with pain and loss of sleep1 ,satan was let loose upon me1 to buffet me1 and ,i verily thought would have driven me to desperation and madness4 #e ,the late ,president ,wayland4 #f ,prof4 ,calvin ,e4 ,stowe1 ,d4,d4 #g ,the late ,rev4 ,absalom ,peters1 ,d4,d4 #h ,i can see the breezy dome of groves1 ,the shadows of ,deering's ,woods2 ,and the friendships old and the early loves ,come back with a ,sabbath sound1 as of doves ,in quiet neighborhoods4 ,and the verse of that sweet old song1 ,it flutters and murmurs still3 ,a boy's will is the wind's will1 ,and the thoughts of youth are long1 long thoughts4 --,,longfellow',s ,my ,lost ,youth4 #i ,the ,lament of the ,last ,peach had been written by her a year before when in ,brooklyn1 and her friend's brother had sent it to ,the ,knickerbocker1 the popular ,magazine of that day4 ,here it is3 ,,lament ,,of ,,the ,,last ,,peach4 ,in solemn silence here ,i live1 ,a lone1 deserted peach2 ,so high that none but birds and winds ,my quiet bough can reach4 ,and mournfully1 and hopelessly1 ,i think upon the past2 ,upon my dear departed friends1 ,and ,i1 the last--the last4 ,my friends6 oh1 daily one by one ,i've seen them drop away2 ,unheeding all the tears and prayers ,that vainly bade them stay4 ,and here ,i hang alone1 alone-- ,while life is fleeing fast2 ,and sadly sigh that ,i am left ,the last1 the last1 the last4 ,farewell1 then1 thou my little world ,my home upon the tree1 ,a sweet retreat1 a quiet home ,thou mayst no longer be2 ,the willow trees stand weeping nigh1 ,the sky is overcast1 ,the autumn winds moan sadly by1 ,and say1 the last--the last6 #aj ,dear ,lizzy is in her little school4 ,her pupils love her dearly4 ,she will have about thirty in the summer4--,letter of ,mrs4 ,payson1 ,march #bh1 #ahci4 #aa ,three years later ,elizabeth thus referred to this period in the life of her friend3--,during the time in which she was seeking the ,saviour with all her heart1 ,i was much with her and had an opportunity to see every variety of feeling as she daily set the whole before me4 ,the affection thus acquired is1 ,i believe1 never lost4 ,if ,i live forever1 ,i shall not lose the impressions which ,i then received--the deep anxiety ,i felt lest she should finally come short of salvation1 and then the happiness of having her lost in contemplation of the character of ,him whom she had so often declared it impossible to love4 #ab ,old friends of her father also became much interested in her4 ,among them was ,simon ,greenleaf1 the eminent writer on the law of evidence1 and ,judge ,story's successor at ,harvard4 ,on removing to ,cambridge1 in #ahcc1 he gave her with his autograph a little volume entitled1 ,hours for ,heaven2 a small but choice selection of prayers1 from eminent ,divines of the ,church of ,england1 which long continued to be one of her books of devotion4 #ac ,see the touching memorial of her1 ,light on the ,dark ,river1 prepared by her early friend1 ,mrs4 ,lawrence4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,the ,,new ,,life ,,in ,,christ4 #ahdj-ahda4 ,i4 ,a ,memorable ,experience4 ,letters to her ,cousin4 ,goes to ,richmond as a ,teacher4 ,mr4 ,persico's ,school4 ,letters4 ,miss ,payson was now in her twenty-first year1 a period which she always looked back to as a turning-point in her spiritual history4 ,the domestic influences that encompassed her childhood1 her early associations1 and the books of devotion which she read1 all conspired to imbue her with an earnest sense of divine things1 and while yet a young girl1 as we have seen1 she publicly devoted herself to the service of her ,god and ,saviour4 ,for several years her piety1 if marked by no special features1 was still regarded by her young friends1 and by all who knew her1 as of a decided character4 ,but during the general religious interest in the winter of #ahcg-h1 even while absorbed in solicitude for others1 she began herself to question its reality4 ,for some months ,i had no hope that ,i was a ,christian1 and pride made me go on just as if ,i felt myself perfectly safe4 ,nothing could at that time have made me willing to have any eye a witness to my daily struggles4 ,and yet she often longed for the sympathy and assistance of ,christian friends1 and to her unwillingness to confide in them she afterwards attributed much of the suffering that followed4 ,i do not know exactly how ,i passed out of that season1 but my school commenced in ,april1 and ,i became so interested in it that ,i had less time to think of and to watch myself4 ,the next winter most of my scholars were deeply impressed by divine things1 and1 of course1 ,i could not look on without having my own heart touched4 ,it was my privilege to spend many delightful weeks in watching the progress of minds earnestly seeking the way of life and early consecrating themselves to their ,saviour4 #a ,but after a while a severe reaction set in and in the course of the summer she became careless in her religious habits1 shrank from the ,lord's table as a place of absolute torture1 and while spending a fortnight in ,boston in the fall1 entirely omitted all exercises of private devotion4 ,she had now reached a crisis which was to decide her course for life4 ,during the winter of #ahci-dj1 she passed through very deep and harrowing exercises of soul4 ,her spiritual nature was shaken to its foundation1 and she could say with the ,psalmist1 ,out of the depths have ,i cried unto ,thee1 ,o ,lord4 ,for several months she was in a state similar to that which the old divines depict so vividly as being under conviction4 ,her sense of sin1 and of her own unworthiness in the sight of ,god1 grew more and more intense and oppressive4 ,at times she abandoned all hope1 accused herself of having played the hypocrite1 and fancied she was given over to hardness of heart4 ,at length she sought counsel of her pastor and confided to him her trouble1 but he did not know exactly what to do with me4 ,in the midst of her distress1 and as its effect1 no doubt1 she was taken ill and confined to her room1 where in solitude she passed several weeks seeking rest and finding none4 ,sometimes ,i tried to pray1 but this only increased my distress and made me cry out for annihilation to free me from the agony which seemed insupportable4 ,with a single interval of comparative indifference1 this state of mind continued for nearly four months4 ,she thus describes it3 ,it was in vain that ,i sought the ,lord in any of the lofty pathways through which my heart wished to go4 ,at last ,i found it impossible to carry on the struggle any longer alone4 ,i would gladly have put myself at the feet of a little child1 if by so doing ,i could have found peace4 ,i felt so guilty and the character of ,god appeared so perfect in its purity and holiness1 that ,i knew not which way to turn4 ,the sin which distressed me most of all was the rejection of the ,saviour4 ,this haunted me constantly and made me fly first to one thing and then another1 in the hope of finding somewhere the peace which ,i would not accept from ,him4 ,it was at this time that ,i kept reading over the first twelve chapters of ,doddridge's ,rise and ,progress1--the rest of the book ,i abhorred4 ,so great was my agony that ,i can only wonder at the goodness of ,him who held my life in ,his hands1 and would not permit me in the height of my despair to throw myself away4 ,it was in this height of despair that thoughts of the infinite grace and love of ,christ1 which she says she had hitherto repelled1 began to irradiate her soul4 ,a sermon on ,his ability to save unto the uttermost deeply affected her4 #b ,while listening to it my weary spirit rested itself1 and ,i thought1 'surely it can not be wrong to think of the ,saviour1 although ,he is not mine4' ,with this conclusion ,i gave myself up to admire1 to love and to praise ,him1 to wonder why ,i had never done so before1 and to hope that all the great congregation around me were joining with me in acknowledging ,him to be chief among ten thousand and the ,one altogether lovely4 ,on going home she could at first scarcely believe in her own identity1 the feeling of peace and love to ,god and to all the world was so unlike the turbulent emotions that had long agitated her soul4 ,from this time my mind went slowly onward1 examining the way step by step1 trembling and afraid1 yet filled with a calm contentment which made all the dealings of ,god with me appear just right4 ,i know myself to be perfectly helpless4 ,i can not promise to do or to be anything2 but ,i do want to put everything else aside1 and to devote myself entirely to the service of ,christ4 ,her account of this memorable experience is dated ,august #bh1 #ahdj4 ,while writing it1 she adds1 ,i have often laid aside my pen1 to sit and think over in silent wonder the way in which the ,lord has led me4 ,how in later years she regarded certain features of this experience1 is not fully known4 ,the record passed at once out of her hands1 and until after her death was never seen by anyone1 excepting the friend for whose eye it was written4 ,many of its details had1 probably1 faded entirely from her memory4 ,it can not be doubted1 however1 that she would have judged her previous state much less severely1 would hardly have charged it with hypocrisy1 or denied that the ,saviour had been graciously leading her1 and that she had some real love to ,him1 before as well as after this crisis4 ,so much may be inferred from the record itself and from the narrative in the preceding chapter4 ,her tender interest in the spiritual welfare of her friends and pupils1 the high tone of religious sentiment that marks her early writings1 the books she delighted in1 her filial devotion1 the absolute sincerity of her character1 all forbid any other conclusion4 #c ,the indications1 too1 are very plain that her morbidly-sensitive1 melancholy temperament had much to do with this experience4 ,her account of it shows1 also1 that her mind was unhappily affected by certain false notions of the ,christian life and ordinances then1 and still1 more or less prevalent--notions based upon a too narrow and legal conception of the ,gospel4 ,hence1 her shrinking from the ,lord's table as a place of torture1 instead of regarding it in its true character1 as instituted on purpose to feed hungry souls1 like her own1 with bread from heaven4 ,but for all that1 the experience was a blessed reality and1 as these pages will attest1 wrought a lasting change in her religious life4 ,no doubt the ,spirit of ,god was leading her through all its dark and terrible mazes4 ,it virtually ended a conflict which the intensely proud elements of her nature rendered inevitable1 if she was to become a true heroine of faith--the conflict between her ,master's will and her own4 ,her ,master conquered1 and henceforth to her dying hour ,his will was the sovereign law of her existence1 and its sweetest joy also4 ,the following extracts from letters to her cousin1 ,george ,e4 ,shipman1 of ,new ,york1 now widely known as the founder of a ,foundling ,home at ,chicago1 will throw additional light upon her state of mind at this period4 ,mr4 ,shipman was the friend to whom the account of her experience already mentioned was addressed4 ,he had just spent several weeks in ,portland1 and to his ,christian sympathy1 kindness1 and counsels while there and during the two following years1 she felt herself very deeply indebted4 #d ,,portland1 ,august #bb1 #ahdj4 ,i am always wondering if any body in the world is the better off for my being in it4 ,and so if ,i was of any comfort to you1 ,i am very glad of it4 ,i do want1 ,i confess1 the privilege of offering you sometimes the wine and oil of consolation1 and if ,i do it in such a way as to cause pain with my unskilful hand1 why1 you must forgive me4444 ,mr4 ---- talked to me as if he imagined me a blue-stocking4 ,just because my sister wears spectacles1 folks take it for granted that ,i also am literary4 ,aug4 #beth4--,you ask if ,i find it easy to engage in religious meditation1 referring in particular to that on our final rest4 ,this is another of my trials4 ,i can not meditate upon anything1 except indeed it be something quite the opposite of what ,i wish to occupy my mind4 ,you know that some ,christians are able in their solitary walks and rides to hold1 all the time1 communion with ,god4 ,i can very seldom do this4 ,yesterday ,i was obliged to take a long walk alone1 and it was made very delightful in this way2 so that ,i quite forgot that ,i was alone4444 ,i am beginning to feel1 that ,i have enough to do without looking out for a great1 wide place in which to work1 and to appreciate the simple lines3 ,the trivial round1 the common task1 ,would furnish all we ought to ask2 ,room to deny ourselves2 a road ,to bring us daily nearer ,god4 ,those words daily nearer ,god have an inexpressible charm for me4 ,i long for such nearness to ,him that all other objects shall fade into comparative insignificance1--so that to have a thought1 a wish1 a pleasure apart from ,him shall be impossible4 ,sept4 #abth4--,at ,sabbath-school this morning1 while talking with my scholars about the ,lord ,jesus1 my heart1 which is often so cold and so stupid1 seemed completely melted within me1 with such a view of ,his wonderful1 wonderful love for sinners1 that ,i almost believed ,i had never felt it till then4 ,such a blessing is worth toiling and wrestling for a whole life4 ,if a glimpse of our ,saviour here upon earth can be so refreshing1 so delightful1 what will it be in heaven6 ,sept4 #agth4--,i have been reading to-day some passages from ,nevins' ,practical ,thoughts4 #e ,perhaps you have seen them2 if so1 do you remember two articles headed1 ,i must pray more1 and ,i must pray differently8 ,they interested me much because in some measure they express my own feelings4 ,i have less and less confidence in frames1 as they are called4 ,i am glad that you think it better to have a few books and to read them over and over1 for my own inclination leads me to that4 ,one gets attached to them as to ,christian friends4 ,do not hesitate to direct me over and over again1 to go with difficulties and temptations and sin to the ,saviour4 ,i love to be led there and left there4 ,sometimes when the exceeding sinfulness of sin becomes painfully apparent1 there is nothing else for the soul to do but to lie in the dust before ,god1 without a word of excuse1 and that feeling of abasement in ,his sight is worth more than all the pleasures in the world4444 ,you will believe me if ,i own myself tired1 when ,i tell you that ,i made fourteen calls this afternoon4 ,but even the unpleasant business of call-making has had one comfort4 ,some of the friends of whom ,i took leave1 spoke so tenderly of ,him whose name is so precious to ,his children that my heart warmed towards them instantly1 and ,i thought it worth while to have parting hours1 sad though they may be1 if with them came so naturally thoughts of the ,saviour4 ,besides1 ,i have been thinking since ,i came home1 that if ,i did not love ,him1 it could not be so refreshing to hear unexpectedly of ,him4444 ,i did not know that mother had anything to do with your father's conversion1 and when ,i mentioned it to her she seemed much surprised and said she did not know it herself4 ,pray tell me more of it1 will you8 ,i have felt that if1 in the course of my life1 ,i should be the means of leading one soul to the ,saviour1 it would be worth staying in this world for no matter how many years4 ,did you ever read ,miss ,taylor's ,display8 ,sister says the character of ,emily there is like mine4 ,i think so myself save in the best point4 ,we come now to an important change in her outward life4 ,she had accepted an invitation to become a teacher in ,mr4 ,persico's school at ,richmond1 ,virginia4 ,mr4 ,persico was an ,italian1 a brother of the sculptor of that name1 a number of whose works are seen at ,washington4 ,he early became interested in our institutions1 and as soon as he was able1 came to this country and settled in ,philadelphia as an artist4 ,he married a lady of that city1 and afterward on account of her health went to ,richmond1 where he opened a boarding and day school for girls4 ,there were four separate departments1 one of which was under the sole care of ,miss ,payson4 ,her letters to her family1 written at this time1 have all been lost1 but a full record of the larger portion of her ,richmond life is preserved in letters to her cousin1 ,mr4 ,shipman4 ,the following extracts from these letters show with what zeal she devoted herself to her new calling and how absorbed her heart was still in the things of ,god4 ,they also throw light upon some marked features of her character4 ,,boston1 ,september #bc4 ,i had1 after leaving home1 an attack of that terrible pain1 of which ,i have told you1 and believed myself very near death4 ,it became a serious question whether1 if ,god should so please1 ,i could feel willing to die there alone1 for ,i was among entire strangers4 ,i never enjoyed more of ,his presence than that night when1 sick and sad and full of pain1 ,i felt it sweet to put myself in ,his hands to be disposed of in ,his own way4 ,the attack referred to in this letter resembled angina pectoris1 a disease to which for many years she was led to consider herself liable4 ,whatever it may have been1 its effect was excruciating4 ,mother was telling me the other day1 she wrote to a friend1 that in her long life she had never seen an individual suffer more severe bodily pain than she had often tried to relieve in me4 ,i remember scores of such hours of real agony4 ,in the present instance the attack was doubtless brought on1 in part at least1 by mental agitation4 ,no words1 she wrote a few months later1 can describe the anguish of my mind the night ,i left home2 it seemed to me that all the agony ,i had ever passed through was condensed into a small space1 and ,i certainly believe that ,i should die1 if left to a higher degree of such pain4 ,,richmond1 ,september #cj1 #ahdj4 ,about twelve o'clock1 when it was as dark as pitch1 we were all ordered to prepare for a short walk4 ,in single file then out we went4 ,it seems that a bridge had been burned lately1 and so we were all to go round on foot to another train of cars4 ,there were dozens of bright1 crackling bonfires lighted at short intervals all along1 and as we wound down narrow1 steep and rocky pathways1 then up steps which had been rudely cut out in the side of the elevated ground1 and as far as we could see before us could watch the long line of moving figures in all varieties of form and color1 my spirits rose to the very tiptop of enjoyment4 ,i wished you could have a picture of the whole scene1 which1 though one of real life1 was to me at least exceedingly beautiful4 ,we reached ,richmond at one o'clock4 ,mr4 ,persico was waiting for us and received us cordially4444 ,when ,i awoke at eight o'clock1 ,i felt forlorn enough4 ,imagine1 if you can1 the room in which ,i opened my eyes4 ,it is in the attic1 is very low and has two windows4 ,my first thought was1 ,i never can be happy in this miserable hole2 but in a second this wicked feeling took flight1 and ,i reproached myself for my ingratitude to ,him who had preserved me through all my journey1 had made much of it so delightful and profitable1 and who still promised to be with me4 ,oct4 #b4--;,i will try to give you some account of our doings1 although we are not fully settled4 ,we have risen at six so far1 but intend to be up by five if we can wake4 ,as soon as we are dressed ,i take my ,bible out into the entry1 where is a window and a quiet corner1 and read and think until ,louisa #f is ready to give me our room and take my place4 ,at nine we go into school1 where ,miss ,lord #g reads a prayer1 and from that hour until twelve we are engaged with our respective classes4 ,at twelve we have a recess of thirty minutes4 ,this over1 we return again to school1 where we stay until three1 when we are to dine4 ,all day ,saturday we are free4 ,this time we are to have ,monday1 too1 as a special holiday1 because of a great ,whig convention which is turning the city upside-down4 ,there is one pleasant thing1 pleasant to me at least1 of which ,i want to tell you4 ,as ,mr4 ,persico is not a religious man1 ,i supposed we should have no blessing at the table1 and was afraid ,i should get into the habit of failing to acknowledge ,god there4 ,but ,i was much affected when1 on going to dine the first day ,i came1 he stood leaning silently and reverentially over his chair1 as if to allow all of us time for that quiet lifting up of the heart which is ever acceptable in the sight of ,god4 ,it is very impressive4 ,miss ,lord reads prayers at night1 and when ,mrs4 ,persico comes home we are to have singing4444 ,that passage in the #aaith ,psalm1 of which you speak1 is indeed delightful4 ,i will tell you what were some of my meditations on it4 ,i thought to myself that if ,god continued ,his faithfulness toward me1 ,i shall have afflictions such as ,i now know nothing more of than the name1 for ,i need them constantly4 ,i have trembled ever since ,i came here at the host of new difficulties to which ,i am exposed4 ,surely ,i did again and again ask ,god to decide the question for me as to whether ,i should leave home or not1 and believed that ,he had chosen for me4 ,it certainly was against my own inclinations4444 ,oct4 #abth4--,this morning ,i had a new scholar1 a pale1 thin little girl who stammers1 and when ,i spoke to her1 and she was obliged to answer1 the color spread over her face and neck as if she suffered the utmost mortification4 ,i was glad when recess came1 to draw her close to my side and to tell her that ,i had a friend afflicted in the same way1 and that consequently1 ,i should know how to understand and pity her4 ,she held my hand fast in hers and the tears came stealing down one after another1 as she leaned confidingly upon my shoulder1 and ,i could not help crying too1 with mingled feelings of gratitude and sorrow4 ,certainly it will be delightful to soothe and to console this poor little thing4444 ,you do not like poetry and ,i have spent the best part of my life in reading or trying to write it4 ,n4 ,p4 ,willis told me some years ago1 that if my husband had a soul1 he would love me for the poetical in me1 and advised me to save it for him4 ,oct4 #bgth4--,sometimes when ,i feel almost sure that the ,saviour has accepted and forgiven me and that ,i belong to ,him1 ,i can only walk my room repeating over and over again1 ,how wonderful6 ,and then when my mind strives to take in this love of ,christ1 it seems to struggle in vain with its own littleness and falls back weary and exhausted1 to wonder again at the heights and depths which surpass its comprehension4444 ,if there is a spark of love in my heart for anybody1 it is for this dear brother of mine1 and the desire to have his education thorough and complete has grown with my growth4 ,you1 who are not a sister1 can not understand the feelings with which ,i regard him1 but they are such as to call forth unbounded love and gratitude toward those who show kindness to him4 ,nov4 #c;d4--,i have always felt a peculiar love for the passage that describes the walk to ,emmaus4 ,i have tried to analyse the feeling of pleasure which it invariably sheds over my heart when dwelling upon it1 especially upon the words1 ,jesus ,himself drew near and went with them1 and these1 ,he made as though ,he would go further1 but yielded to their urgent1 ,abide with us4 444 ,this is one of the comforts of the ,christian2 ,god understands him fully whether he can explain his troubles or not4 ,sometimes ,i think all of a sudden that ,i do not love the ,saviour at all1 and am ready to believe that all my pretended anxiety to serve ,him has been but a matter of feeling and not of principle2 but of late ,i have been less disturbed by this imagination1 as ,i find it extends to earthly friends who are dear to me as my own soul4 ,i thought once yesterday that ,i didn't love anybody in the world and was perfectly wretched in consequence4 ,nov4 #abth4--,the more ,i try to understand myself1 the more ,i am puzzled4 ,that ,i am a mixture of contradictions is the opinion ,i have long had of myself4 ,i call it a compound of sincerity and reserve4 ,unless you see just what ,i mean in your own consciousness1 ,i doubt whether ,i can explain it in words4 ,with me it is both an open and a shut heart--open when and where and as far as ,i please1 and shut as tight as a vise in the same way4 ,i was probably born with this same mixture of frankness and reserve1 having inherited the one from my mother and the other from my father4444 ,i have often thought that1 humanly speaking1 it would be a strange1 and surely a very sad thing if we none of us inherit any of our father's piety2 for when he prayed for his children it was1 undoubtedly1 that we might be very peculiarly the ,lord's4 ,h4 was to be the missionary2 but if he can not go himself1 and is prospered in business1 ,i hope he will be able to help send others4 ,i have been frightened1 of late1 in thinking how little good ,i am doing in the world4 ,and yet ,i believe that those who love to do good always find opportunities enough1 wherever they are4 ,whether ,i shall do any here1 ,i dare not try to guess4 ,dec4 #c;d4--,how ,i thank you for the interest you take in my ,bible class4 ,they are so attentive to every word ,i say that it makes me deeply feel the importance of seeking each of those words from the ,holy ,spirit4 ,many of them had not even a ,bible of their own until now1 nor were they in the habit of reading it at all4 ,among others there are two grand-daughters of ,patrick ,henry4 ,i wish ,i could give you a picture of them1 as they sit on ,sabbath evening around the table with their eyes fixed so eagerly on my face1 that if ,i did not feel that the ,lord ,jesus was present1 ,i should be overwhelmed with confusion at my unworthiness4444 ,mr4 ,persico is a queer man4 ,last ,sabbath ,miss ,l4 asked him if he had been to church4 ,oui1 ,mlle41 said he2 vous tiez l'glise de l'homme--moi1 j'tais l'glise de ,dieu--dans les bois4 ,there is the bell for prayers2 it is an hour since ,i began to write1 but ,i have spent a great part of it with my eyes shut because ,i happened to feel more like meditating than writing1 if you know what sort of a feeling that is4 ,oh1 that we might be enabled to go onward day by day--and upward too4 ,i have been making violent efforts for years to become meek and lowly in heart4 ,at present ,i do hope that ,i am less irritable than ,i used to be4 ,it was no small comfort to me when sister was home last summer1 to learn from her that ,i had succeeded somewhat in my efforts4 ,but though ,i have not often the last year been guilty of harsh speeches1 ,i have felt my pride tugging with all its might to kindle a great fire when some unexpected trial has caught me off my guard4 ,i am persuaded that real meekness dwells deep within the heart and that it is only to be gained by communion with our blessed ,saviour1 who when ,he was reviled1 reviled not again4 ,sabbath ,evening1 #hth4--,i wanted to write last evening but had a worse pain in my side and left arm than ,i have had since ,i came here4 ,while it lasted1 which was an hour and a half1 ,i had such pleasant thoughts for companions as would make any pain endurable4 ,i was asking myself if1 supposing ,god should please suddenly to take me away in the midst of life1 whether ,i should feel willing and glad to go1 and oh1 it did seem delightful to think of it1 and to feel sure that1 sooner or later1 the summons will come4 ,those pieces which you marked in the ,observer ,i have read and like them exceedingly1 especially those about growth in grace4444 ,you speak of the goodness of ,god to me in granting me so much of ,his presence1 while ,i am here away from all earthly friends4 ,indeed ,i want to be able to praise ,him as ,i never yet have done1 and ,i don't know where to begin4 ,i have felt more pain in this separation from home on mother's account than any other1 as ,i feel that she needs me at home to comfort and to love her4 ,since she lost her best earthly friend ,i have been her constant companion4 ,i once had a secret desire for a missionary life1 if ,god should see fit to prepare me for it1 but when ,i spoke of it to mother she was so utterly overcome at its bare mention that ,i instantly promised ,i would never for any inducement leave or forsake her4 ,i want you to pray for me that if poor mother's right hand is made forever useless1 #h ,i may after this year be a right hand for her1 and be enabled to make up somewhat to her for the loss of it by affection and tenderness and sympathy4444 ,i don't remember feeling any way in particular1 when ,i first began to write for the press1 as you call it4 ,i never could realise that more than half a dozen people would read my pieces4 ,besides1 ,i have no desire of the sort you express1 for fame4 ,i care a great deal too much for the approbation of those ,i love and respect1 but not a fig for that of those ,i don't like or don't know4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,her ,character as a ,teacher4 ,letters4 ,incidents of ,school-,life4 ,religious ,struggles1 ,aims1 and ,hopes4 ,oppressive ,heat and ,weariness4 ,miss ,payson had been in ,richmond but a short time before she became greatly endeared to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,persico1 and to the whole school4 ,she had a rare natural gift for teaching4 ,fond of study herself1 she knew how to inspire her pupils with the same feeling4 ,her method was excellent4 ,it aimed not merely to impart knowledge but to elicit latent powers1 and to remove difficulties out of the way4 ,while decided and thorough1 it was also very gentle1 helpful1 and sympathetic4 ,she had a quick perception of mental diversities1 saw as by intuition the weak and the strong points of individual character1 and was skillful in adapting her influence1 as well as her instructions1 to the peculiarities of every one under her care4 ,the girls in her own special department almost idolised her4 ,the parents also of some of them1 who belonged to ,richmond and its vicinity1 seeing what she was doing for their daughters1 sought her acquaintance and showed her the most grateful affection4 ,although her school labors were exacting1 she carried on a large correspondence1 spent a good deal of time in her favorite religious reading1 and together with ,miss ,susan ,lord1 the senior teacher and an old ,portland friend1 pursued a course of study in ,french and ,italian4 ,at the table ,mr4 ,persico spoke ,french1 and in this way she was enabled to perfect herself in the practice of that language4 ,of her spiritual history and of incidents of her school life during the new year1 some extracts from letters to her cousin will give her own account4 ,,richmond1 ,january #c1 #ahda4 ,if ,i tell you that ,i am going to take under my especial care and protection one of the family--a little girl of eleven years whom nobody can manage at all1 you may wonder why4 ,i found on my plate at dinner a note from ,mrs4 ,persico saying that if ,i wanted an opportunity of doing good1 here was one2 that if ,nannie could sleep in my room1 etc41 it might be of great benefit to her4 ,the only reason why ,i hesitated was the fear that she might be in the way of our best hours4 ,but ,i have thought all along that ,i was living too much at my ease1 and wanted a place in which to deny myself for the sake of the ,one who yielded up every comfort for my sake4 ,nannie has a fine character but has been mismanaged at home1 and since coming here4 ,she often comes and puts her arms around me and says1 ,there is one in this house who loves me1 ,i do know4 ,i receive her as a trust from ,god1 with earnest prayer to ,him that we may be enabled to be of use to her4 ,from morning to night she is found fault with1 and this is spoiling her temper and teaching her to be deceitful4444 ,i have been reading lately the ,memoir of ,martyn4 ,i have1 of course1 read it more than once before1 but everything appears to me now in such a different light4 ,i rejoice that ,i have been led to read the book just now4 ,it has put within me new and peculiar desires to live wholly for the glory of ,god4 ,jan4#acth4--,i understand the feeling about wishing one's self a dog1 or an animal without a soul4 ,i have sat and watched a little kitten frisking about in the sunshine till ,i could hardly help killing it in my envy--but oh1 how different it is now6 ,i have felt lately that perhaps ,god has something for me to do in the world4 ,i am satisfied1 indeed1 that in calling me nearer to ,himself ,he has intended to prepare me for ,his service4 ,where that is to be is no concern of mine as yet4 ,i only wish to belong to ,him and wait for ,his will1 whatever it may be4 ,jan4 #adth4--,i used to go through with prayer merely as a duty1 but now ,i look forward to the regular time for it1 and hail opportunities for special seasons with such delight as ,i once knew nothing of4 ,sometimes my heart feels ready to break for the longing it hath for a nearer approach to the ,lord ,jesus than ,i can obtain without the use of words1 and there is not a corner of the house which ,i can have to myself4 ,i think sometimes that ,i should be thankful for the meanest place in the universe4 ,you ask if ,i ever dream of seeing the ,lord4 ,no--,i never did1 neither should ,i think it desirable2 but a few days ago1 when ,i woke1 ,i had fresh in my remembrance some precious words which1 as ,i had been dreaming1 ,he had spoken to me4 ,it left an indescribable feeling of love and peace on my mind4 ,i seemed in my dream to be very near ,him1 and that ,he was encouraging me to ask of ,him all the things of which ,i felt the need4 ,jan4 #agth4--,i did not mean to write so much about myself1 for when ,i took out my letter ,i was thinking of things and beings far above this world4 ,i was thinking of the hour when the ,christian first enters into the joy of his ,lord1 when the first note of the new song is borne to his ear1 and the first view of the ,lamb of ,god is granted to his eye4 ,it seems to me as if the bliss of that one minute would fully compensate for all the toils and struggles he must go through here2 and then to remember the ages of happiness that begin at that point6 ,oh1 if the unseen presence of ,jesus can make the heart to sing for joy in the midst of its sorrow and sin here1 what will it be to dwell with ,him forever6 ,my ,bible class1 which consists now of eighteen1 is every week more dear to me4 ,i am glad that you think poor ,nannie well off4 ,she has an inquiring mind1 and though before coming here she had received no religious instruction and had not even a ,bible1 she is now constantly asking me questions which prove her to be a first-rate thinker and reasoner4 ,she went to the theatre last night and came home quite disgusted1 saying to herself1 ,i shouldn't like to die in the midst of such gayeties as these4 ,she urged me to tell her if ,i thought it wrong for her to go1 but ,i would not1 because ,i did not want her to stay away for my sake4 ,i want her to settle the question fairly in her own mind and to be guided by her own conscience rather than mine4 ,she is so grateful and happy that1 if the sacrifice had been greater1 we should be glad that we had made it4 ,and then if we can do her any good1 how much reason we shall have to thank ,god for having placed her here6 ,feb4 #aath4--,my thoughts of serious things should1 perhaps1 be called prayers1 rather than anything else4 ,i have constant need of looking up to ,god for help1 so utterly weak and ignorant am ,i and so dependent upon ,him4 ,sometimes in my walks1 especially those of the early morning1 ,i take a verse from the ,daily ,food to think upon2 at others1 if my mind is where ,i want it should be1 everything seems to speak and suggest thoughts of my ,heavenly ,father1 and when it is otherwise ,i feel as if that time had been wasted4 ,this is not keeping the mind on the stretch1 and is delightfully refreshing4 ,all ,i wish is that ,i were always thus favored4 ,as to a hasty temper1 ,i know that anybody who ever lived with me1 until within the last two or three years1 could tell you of many instances of outbreaking passion4 ,i am ashamed to say how recently the last real tempest occurred1 but ,i will not spare myself4 ,it was in the spring of #ahch1 and ,i did not eat anything for so long that ,i was ill in bed and barely escaped a fever4 ,mother nursed me so tenderly that1 though she forgave me1 ,i never shall forgive myself4 ,since then ,i should not wish you to suppose that ,i have been perfectly amiable1 but for the last year ,i think ,i have been enabled in a measure to control my temper1 but of that you know more than ,i do1 as you had a fair specimen of what ,i am when with us last summer4 ,it has often been a source of encouragement to me that everybody said ,i was gentle and amiable till my father's death1 when ,i was nine years old4444 ,while reading to-night that chapter in ,mark1 where it speaks of ,jesus as walking on the sea1 ,i was interested in thinking how frequently such scenes occur in our spiritual passage over the sea which is finally to land us on the shores of the home for which we long4 ,while they were toiling in rowing1 ,jesus went to them upon the water and would have passed by till ,he heard their cries1 and then ,he manifested ,himself unto them saying1 ,it is ,i4 ,and when ,he came to them1 the wind ceased and they wondered4 ,surely we have often found in our toiling that ,jesus was passing by and ready at the first trembling fear to speak the word of love and of consolation and to give us the needed help1 and then to leave us wondering indeed at the infinite tenderness and kindness so unexpectedly vouchsafed for our relief4 ,feb4 #acth--,i do not think we should make our enjoyment of religion the greatest end of our struggle against sin4 ,i never once had such an idea4 ,i think we should fight against sin simply because it is something hateful to ,god1 because it is something so utterly unlike the spirit of ,christ1 whom it is our privilege to strive to imitate in all things4 ,on all points connected with the love ,i wish to give my ,saviour1 and the service ,i am to render ,him1 ,i feel that ,i want teaching and am glad to obtain assistance from any source4 ,i hardly know how to answer your question4 ,i do not have that constant sense of the ,saviour's presence which ,i had here for a long time1 neither do ,i feel that ,i love ,him as ,i thought ,i did1 but it is not always best to judge of ourselves by our feelings1 but by the general principle and guiding desire of the mind4 ,i do think that my prevailing aim is to do the will of ,god and to glorify ,him in everything4 ,of this ,i have thought a great deal of late4 ,i have not a very extensive sphere of action1 but ,i want my conduct1 my every word and look and motion1 to be fully under the influence of this desire for the honor of ,god4 ,you can have no idea of the constant observation to which ,i am exposed here4 ,feb4 #bast4--,i spent three hours this afternoon in taking care of a little black child 7belonging to the house71 who is very ill1 and as ,i am not much used to such things1 it excited and worried me into a violent nervous headache4 ,i finished ,brainerd's ,life this afternoon1 amid many doubts as to whether ,i ever loved the ,lord at all1 so different is my piety from that of this blessed and holy man4 ,the book has been a favorite with me for years1 but ,i never felt the influence of his life as ,i have while reading it of late4 ,she alludes repeatedly in her correspondence to the delight which she found on the ,sabbath in listening to that eminent preacher and divine1 the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,wm4 ,s4 ,plumer1 who was then settled in ,richmond4 ,in a letter to her cousin she writes3 ,i have become much attached to him2 he seems more than half in heaven1 and every word is full of solemnity and feeling1 as if he had just held near intercourse with ,god4 ,i wish that you could have listened with me to his sermons to-day4 ,they have been1 ,i think1 blessed messages from ,god to my soul4 ,all her letters at this time glow with religious fervor4 ,how wonderful is our divine ,master6 she seemed to be always saying to herself4 ,it has become so delightful to me to speak of ,his love1 of ,his holiness1 of ,his purity1 that when ,i try to write to those who know ,him not1 ,i hardly know what is worthy of even a mention1 if ,he is to be forgotten4 ,and several years afterwards she refers to this period as a time when she shrank from everything that in the slightest degree interrupted her consciousness of ,god4 ,the following letter to a friend1 whose name will often recur in these pages1 well illustrates her state of mind during the entire winter4 ,to ,miss ,anna ,s4 ,prentiss4 ,richmond1 ,feb #bf1 #ahda4 ,your very welcome letter1 my dear ,anna1 arrived this afternoon1 and1 as my labors for the week are over1 ,i am glad of a quiet hour in which to thank you for it4 ,i do not thank you simply because you have so soon answered my letter1 but because you have told me what no one else could do so well about your own very dear self4 ,when ,i wrote you ,i doubted very much whether ,i might even allude to the subject of religion1 although ,i wished to do so1 since that almost exclusively has occupied my mind during the last year4 ,i saw you in the midst of temptations to which ,i have ever been a stranger1 but which ,i conceived to be decidedly unfavorable to growth in any of the graces which make up ,christian character4 ,it was not without hesitation that ,i ventured to yield to the promptings of my heart1 and to refer to the only things which have at present much interest for it4 ,i can not tell you how ,i do rejoice that you have been led to come out thus upon the ,lord's side1 and to consecrate yourself to ,his service4 ,my own views and feelings have within the last year undergone such an entire change1 that ,i have wished ,i could take now some such stand in the presence of all who have known me in days past1 as this which you have taken4 ,my first and only wish is henceforth to live but for ,him1 who has graciously drawn my wandering affections to ,himself4444 ,you speak of the faintness of your heart--but they who wait upon the ,lord shall renew their strength1 and ,i do believe the truth of these precious words2 not only because they are those of ,god1 but also because my own experience adds happy witness to them4 ,i have lived many years with only just enough of hope to keep me from actual despair4 ,the least breath was sufficient to scatter it all and to leave me1 fearful and afraid1 to go over and over again the same ground2 thus allowing neither time nor strength for progress in the ,christian course4 ,i trust that you will not go through years of such unnecessary darkness and despondency4 ,there is certainly enough in our ,saviour1 if we only open our eyes that we may see it1 to solve every doubt and satisfy every longing of the heart2 and ,he is willing to give it in full measure4 ,when ,i contemplate the character of the ,lord ,jesus1 ,i am filled with wonder which ,i can not express1 and with unutterable desires to yield myself and my all to ,his hand1 to be dealt with in ,his own way2 and ,his way is a blessed one1 so that it is delightful to resign body and soul and spirit to ,him1 without a will opposed to ,his1 without a care but to love ,him more1 without a sorrow which ,his love can not sanctify or remove4 ,in following after ,him faithfully and steadfastly1 the feeblest hopes may be strengthened2 and ,i trust that you will find in your own happy experience that joy and peace go hand in hand with love--so that in proportion to your devotion to the ,saviour will be the blessedness of your life4 ,when ,i begin ,i hardly know where to stop1 and now ,i find myself almost at the end of my sheet before ,i have begun to say what ,i wish4 ,this will only assure you that ,i love you a thousand times better than ,i did when ,i did not know that your heart was filled with hopes and affections like my own1 and that ,i earnestly desire1 if ,providence permits us to enjoy intercourse in this or in any other way1 we may never lose sight of the one great truth that we are not our own4 ,i pray you sometimes remember me at the throne of grace4 ,the more ,i see of the ,saviour1 the more ,i feel my own weakness and helplessness and my need of ,his constant presence1 and ,i can not help asking assistance from all those who love ,him4444 ,oh1 how sorry ,i am that ,i have come to the end6 ,i wish ,i had any faculty for expressing affection1 so that ,i might tell you how much ,i love and how often ,i think of you4 ,her cousin having gone abroad1 a break in the correspondence with him occurred about this time and continued for several months4 ,in a letter to her friend1 ,miss ,thurston1 dated ,april #bast1 she thus refers to her school3 ,there are six of us teachers1 five of them born in ,maine--which is rather funny1 as that is considered by most of the folks here as the place where the world comes to an end4 ,although the ,south lifts up its wings and crows over the ,north1 it is glad enough to get its teachers there1 and ministers too1 and treats them very well when it gets them1 into the bargain4 ,we have in the school about one hundred and twenty-five pupils of all ages4 ,i never knew till ,i came here the influence which early religious education exerts upon the whole future age4 ,there is such a wonderful difference between most of these young people and those in the ,north1 that you might almost believe them another race of beings4 ,mrs4 ,persico is beautiful1 intelligent1 interesting1 and pious4 ,mr4 ,persico is just as much like ,john ,neal as difference of education and of circumstances can permit4 ,mr4 ,n4's strong sense of justice1 his enthusiasm1 his fun and wit1 his independence and self-esteem1 his tastes1 too1 as far as ,i know them1 all exist in like degree in ,mr4 ,persico4 ,the early spring1 with its profusion of flowers of every hue1 so far in advance of the spring in her native ,state1 gave her the utmost pleasure2 but as the summer approached1 her health began to suffer4 ,the heat was very intense1 and hot weather always affected her unhappily4 ,i feel1 she wrote1 as if ,i were in an oven with hot melted lead poured over my brain4 ,her old trouble1 too--organic disease of the heart it was now suspected to be--caused her much discomfort4 ,while writing1 she says in one of her letters1 ,i am suffering excruciating pain2 ,i can't call it anything else4 ,her physical condition naturally affected more or less her religious feelings4 ,under date of ,july #abth1 she writes3 ,the word conflict expresses better than any other my general state from day to day4 ,i have seemed of late like a straw floating upon the surface of a great ocean1 blown hither and thither by every wind1 and tossed from wave to wave without the rest of a moment4 ,it was a mistake of mine to imagine that ,god ever intended man to rest in this world4 ,i see that it is right and wise in ,him to appoint it otherwise4444 ,while suffering from my ,saviour's absence1 nothing interests me4 ,but ,i was somewhat encouraged by reading in my father's memoir1 and in reflecting that he passed through far greater spiritual conflicts than will probably ever be mine4444 ,i see now that it is not always best for us to have the light of ,god's countenance4 ,do not spend your time and strength in asking for me that blessing1 but this--that ,i may be transformed into the image of ,christ in ,his own time1 in ,his own way4 ,early in ,august she left ,richmond and flew homeward like a bird to its nest4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,extracts from her ,richmond ,journal4 ,were her letters to her cousin the only record of ,miss ,payson's ,richmond life1 one might infer that they give a complete picture of it2 for they were written in the freedom and confidence of ,christian friendship1 with no thought that a third eye would ever see them4 ,but it had another and hidden side1 of which her letters contain only a partial record4 ,her early habit of keeping a journal has been already referred to4 ,she kept one at ,richmond1 and was prevented several years later from destroying it1 as she had destroyed others1 by the entreaty of the only person who ever saw it4 ,this journal depicts many of her most secret thoughts and feelings1 both earthward and heavenward4 ,some passages in it are of too personal a nature for publication1 but the following extracts seem fairly entitled to a place here1 as they bring out several features of her character with sunlike clearness1 and so will help to a better understanding of the ensuing narrative3 ,,richmond1 ,october #c1 #ahdj4 ,how funny it seems here6 ,everything is so different from home6 ,i foresee that ,i shan't live nearly a year under these new influences without changing my old self into something else4 ,heaven forbid that ,i should grow old because people treat me as if ,i were grown up6 ,i hate old young folks4 ,well6 whoever should see me and my scholars would be at a loss to know wherein consists the difference between them and me4 ,i am only a little girl after all1 and yet folks do treat me as if ,i were as old and as wise as ,methusaleh4 ,and ,mr4 ,persico says1 ,oui1 ,madame4 ,oh6 oh6 oh6 ,it makes me feel so ashamed when these tall girls1 these damsels whose hearts are developed as mine won't be these half dozen years 7to say nothing of their minds71 ask me if they may go to bed1 if they may walk1 if they may go to ,mr4 ,so-and-so's1 and ,miss ,such-a-one's to buy--a stick of candy for aught ,i know4 ,oh1 oh1 oh6 ,i shall have to take airs upon myself4 ,i shall have to leave off little words and use big ones4 ,i shall have to leave off sitting curled up on my feet1 turkey-fashion4 ,i shall have to make wise speeches 7,but a word in your ear1 ,miss--,i won't74 ,oct4 #bgth--,this ,richmond is a queer sort of a place and ,i should be as miserable in it as a fish out of water1 only there is sunshine enough in my heart to make any old hole bright4 ,in the first place1 this dowdy chamber is in one view a perfect den--no carpet1 whitewashed walls1 loose windows that have the shaking palsy1 fire-red hearth1 blue paint instead of white1 or rather a suspicion that there was once some blue paint here4 ,but what do ,i care8 ,i'm as merry as a grig from morning till night4 ,the little witches down-stairs love me dearly1 everybody is kind1 and--and--and--when everybody is locked out and ,i am locked into this same room1 this low attic1 there's not a king on the earth so rich1 so happy as ,i6 ,here is my little pet desk1 here are my books1 my papers4 ,i can write and read and study and moralise1 ,i don't pretend to say think--and then besides1 every morning and every night1 within these four walls1 heaven itself refuses not to enter in and dwell--and ,i may grow better and better and happier and happier in blessedness with which nothing may intermeddle4 ,mr4 ,persico is a man by himself1 and quite interesting to me in one way1 that is1 in giving me something to puzzle out4 ,i like him for his exquisite taste in the picture line and for having adorned his rooms with such fine ones--at least they're fine to my inexperienced eye2 for when ,i'm in the mood1 ,i can go and sit and dream as it seemeth me good over them1 and as ,i dream1 won't good thoughts come into my heart8 ,as to ,mrs4 ,p41 ,i hereby return my thanks to ,nature for making her so beautiful4 ,she has a face and figure to fall in love with4 ,k4 has also a fine face and a delicate little figure4 ,miss ---- ,i shall avoid as far as ,i can do so4 ,i do not think her opinions and feelings would do me any good4 ,she has a fine mind and likes to cultivate it1 and for that ,i respect her1 but she has nothing natural and girlish in her1 and ,i am persuaded1 never had4 ,she hates little children2 says she hates to hear them laugh1 thinks them little fools4 ,why1 how odd all this is to me6 ,i could as soon hate the angels in heaven and hate to hear them sing4 ,that1 to be sure1 is my way1 and the other way is hers--but somehow it doesn't seem good-hearted to be so very1 very superior to children as to shun the little loving beautiful creatures4 ,i don't believe ,i ever shall grow up6 ,but1 ,miss ----1 ,i don't want to do you injustice1 and ,i'm much obliged to you for all the flattering things you've said about me1 and if you like my eyes and think there is congeniality of feeling between us1 why1 ,i thank you4 ,but oh1 don't teach me that the wisdom of the world consisteth in forswearing the simple beauties with which life is full4 ,don't make me fear my own happy girlhood by talking to me about love--oh1 don't6 ,dec4 #a4--;,i wonder if all the girls in the world are just alike8 ,seems to me they might be so sweet and lovable if they'd leave off chattering forever and ever about lovers4444 ,if mothers would keep their little unfledged birds under their own wings1 wouldn't they make better mother- birds8 ,now some girls down-stairs1 who ought to be thinking about all the beautiful things in life but just lovers1 are reading novels1 love-stories and poetry1 till they can't care for anything else4444 ,now1 ,lizzy ,payson1 where's the use of fretting so8 ,go right to work reading ,leighton and you'll forget that all the world isn't as wise as you think you are1 you little vain thing1 you6 ,alas and alas1 but this is such a nice world1 and the girls don't know it6 ,dec4 #b4--,what a pleasant walk ,i had this morning on ,ambler's ,hill4 ,the sun rose while ,i was there and ,i was so happy6 ,the little valley1 clothed with white houses and completely encircled by hills1 reminded me of the verse about the mountains round about ,jerusalem4 ,nobody was awake so early and ,i had all the great hill to myself1 and it was so beautiful that ,i could have thrown myself down and kissed the earth itself4 ,oh1 sweet and good and loving ,mother ,nature6 ,i choose you for my own4 ,i will be your little lady-love4 ,i will hunt you out whenever you hide1 and you shall comfort me when ,i am sad1 and laugh with me when ,i'm merry1 and take me by the hand and lead me onward and upward till the image of the heavenly forceth out that of the earthly from my whole heart and soul4 ,oh1 how ,i prayed for a holy heart on that hillside and how sure ,i am that ,i shall grow better6 and what companionable thoughts ,i've had all day for that blessed walk6 #hth4--,my life is a nice little life just now1 as regular as clockwork4 ,we walk and we keep school1 and our scholars kiss and love us1 and we kiss and love them1 and we read ,lamartine and ,i worship ,leighton1 good1 wise1 holy ,leighton1 and we discourse about everything together and dispute and argue and argue and dispute1 and ,i'm quite happy1 so ,i am6 ,as to ,lamartine1 he's no great things1 as ,i know of1 but ,i want to keep up my knowledge of ,french and so we read twenty pages a day4 ,and as to our discourses1 my fidgety1 moralising sort of mind wants to compare its doctrines with those of other people1 though it's as stiff as a poker in its own opinions4 ,you're a very consistent little girl6 you call yourself a child1 are afraid to open your mouth before folks1 and yet you're as obstinate and proud as a little man1 daring to think for yourself and act accordingly at the risk of being called odd and incomprehensible4 ,i don't care1 though6 ,run on and break your neck if you will4 ,you're nothing especial after all4 #ith4--,to-night1 in unrolling a bundle of work ,i found a little note therein from mother4 ,whew1 how ,i kissed it6 ,i thought ,i should fly out of my senses1 ,i was so glad4 ,but ,i can't fly now-a-days1 ,i'm growing so unetherial4 ,why1 ,i take up a lot of room in the world and my frocks won't hold me4 ,that's because my heart is so quiet1 lying as still as a mouse1 after all its tossings about and trying to be happy in the things of this life4 ,oh1 ,i am so happy now in the other life6 ,but as for telling other people so--as for talking religion--,i don't see how ,i can4 ,it doesn't come natural4 ,is it because ,i am proud8 ,but ,i pray to be so holy1 so truly a ,christian1 that my life shall speak and gently persuade all who see me to look for the hidden spring of my perpetual happiness and quietness4 ,the only question is3 ,do ,i live so8 ,i'm afraid ,i make religion seem too grave a thing to my watching maidens down-stairs2 but1 oh1 ,i'm afraid to rush into their pleasures4 #beth4-- 444 ,i've been our ,lizzy all my life and have not had to display my own private feelings and opinions before folks1 but have sat still and listened and mused and lived within myself1 and shut myself up in my corner of the house and speculated on life and the things thereof till ,i've got a set of notions of my own which don't fit into the notions of anybody ,i know4 ,i don't open myself to anybody on earth2 ,i can not2 there is a world of something in me which is not known to those about me and perhaps never will be2 but sometimes ,i think it would be delicious to love a mind like mine in some things1 only better1 wiser1 nobler4 ,i do not quite understand life4 ,people don't live as they were made to live1 ,i'm sure 444 ,i want soul4 ,i want the gracious1 glad spirit that finds the good and the beautiful in everything1 joined to the manly1 exalted intellect--rare unions1 ,i am sure1 yet possible ones4 ,little girl6 ,do you suppose such a soul would find anything in yours to satisfy it8 ,no--no--no--,i do not4 ,i know ,i am a poor little goose which ought to be content with some equally poor little gander1 but ,i won't4 ,i'll never give up one inch of these the demands of my reason and of my heart for all the truths you tell me about myself--never6 ,but descend from your elevation1 oh speculating child of mortality1 and go down to school4 ,oh1 no1 no school for a week1 and ,i guess ,i'll spend the week in fancies and follies4 ,it won't hurt me4 ,i've done it before and got back to the world as satisfied as ever1 indeed ,i have4 ,jan4 #a1 #ahdl4--,we've been busy all the week getting our presents ready for the servants1 and a nice time ,i've had this morning1 seeing them show their ivory thereat4 ,james made a little speech1 the amount of which was1 he hoped ,i wouldn't get married till ,i'd done been here two or three years1 because my face was so pleasant it was good to look at it6 ,i was as proud as ,lucifer at this compliment1 and shall certainly look pleasant all day to-day1 if ,i never did before4 ,monsieur and the rest wished me1 ,i won't say how many1 good wishes1 rushing at me as ,i went in to breakfast--and ,milly privately informed ,lucy that she liked ,miss ,payson a heap better than she did any body else1 and then came and begged me to buy her6 ,i buy her6 ,heaven bless the poor little girl4 ,i had some presents and affectionate notes from different members of the family and from my scholars--also letters from sister and ,ned1 which delighted me infinitely more than ,i'm going to tell you1 old journal4 ,took tea at ,mr4 ,p4's and ,mrs4 ,p4 laughed at her husband because he had once an idea of going to ,new ,england to get my little ladyship to wife 7for the sake of my father1 of course74 ,mr4 ,p4 blushed like a boy and fidgeted terribly1 but ,i didn't care a snap--,i am not old enough to be wife to anybody1 and ,i'm not going to mind if people do joke with me about it4 ,i've had better things to think of on this ,new ,year's day--good1 heavenward thoughts and prayers and hopes1 and if ,i do not become more and more transformed into the ,divine1 then are prayers and hopes things of nought4 ,oh1 how dissatisfied ,i am with myself4 ,how ,i long to be like unto ,him into whose image ,i shall one day be changed when ,i see ,him as ,he is6 ,i believe nobody understands me on religious points1 for ,i can not1 and1 it seems to me1 need not parade my private feelings before the world4 ,cousin ,g41 ,god bless him6 knows enough1 and yet my letters to him do not tell the hundredth part of that which these four walls might tell1 if they would4 ,i do not know that ,i am not wrong1 but ,i do dislike the present style of talking on religious subjects4 ,let people pray--earnestly1 fervently1 not simply morning and night1 but the whole day long1 making their lives one continued prayer2 but1 oh1 don't let them tell others of1 or let others know half how much of communion with ,heaven is known to their own hearts4 ,is it not true that those who talk most1 go most to meetings1 run hither and thither to all sorts of societies and all sorts of readings--is it not true that such people would not find peace and contentment--yes1 blessedness of blessedness--in solitary hours when to the ,searcher of hearts alone are known their aspirations and their love8 ,i do not know1 ,i am puzzled2 but ,i may say here1 where nobody will ever see it1 what ,i do think1 and ,i say it to my own heart as well as over the hearts of others--there is not enough of real1 true communion with ,god1 not enough nearness to ,him1 not enough heart-searching before ,him2 and too much parade and bustle and noise in doing ,his work on earth4 ,oh1 ,i do not know exactly what ,i mean--but since ,i have heard so many apparently ,christian people own that of this sense of nearness to ,god they know absolutely nothing--that they pray because it is their habit without the least expectation of meeting the great yet loving ,father in their closets--since ,i have heard this ,i am troubled and perplexed4 ,why1 is it not indeed true that the ,christian believer1 ,god's own adopted1 chosen1 beloved child1 may speak face to face with his ,father1 humbly1 reverently1 yet as a man talketh with his friend8 ,is it not true8 ,do not ,i know that it is so8 ,oh1 ,i sometimes want the wisdom of an angel that ,i may not be thus disturbed and wearied4 #adth4--,now either ,miss ----'s religion is wrong and mine right1 or else it's just the other way4 ,i wrote some verses1 funny ones1 and sent her to-day1 and she returned for answer that verse in ,proverbs about vinegar on nitre1 and seemed distressed that ,i ever had such worldly and funny thoughts4 ,i told her ,i should like her better if she ever had any but solemn ones1 whence we rushed into a discussion about proprieties and ,i maintained that a mind was not in a state of religious health1 if it could not safely indulge in thoughts funny as funny could be4 ,she shook her head and looked as glum as she could1 and ,i'm really sorry that ,i vexed her righteous soul1 though ,i'm sure ,i feel funny ever so much of the time1 can not help saying funny things and cutting up capers now and then4 ,i'll take care not to marry a glum man1 anyhow2 not that ,i want my future lord and master to be a teller of stories1 a wit1 or a particularly funny man--but he shan't wear a long face and make me wear a long one1 though he may be as pious as the day is long and must be1 what's more4 ,oh1 my6 ,i don't think ,i was so very naughty4 ,i saw ,miss ---- laughing privately at these same verses1 and she rushed in to ,mrs4 ,p4 and read them to her1 and then copied them for her aunt and paid twenty-five cents postage on the letter4 ,i should like to know how she dared waste so much time in unholy employments6 ,as ,i was saying1 and am always thinking1 it's rather queer that people are so oddly different in their ideas of religion4 ,heaven forbid ,i should trifle with serious and holy thoughts of my head and heart--but if my religion is worth a straw1 such verse-writing will not disturb it4 ,january #afth4--,i wonder what's got into me to-day--,i feel cross1 without the least bit of reason for so feeling4 ,i guess ,i'm not well1 for ,i'm sure ,i've felt like one great long sunbeam1 ,i don't know how many months1 and it doesn't come natural to be fretful4 #agth4--,i knew ,i wasn't well yesterday and to-day am half sick4 ,we got through breakfast at twenty minutes to eleven1 and as ,i was up at seven1 ,i got kind o' hungry and out of sorts4 ,this afternoon went to church and heard one of ,dr4 ,e4's argumentative sermons4 ,but there's something in those ,prayer-book prayers1 certainly1 if men won't or can't put any grace into their sermons4 ,i wish ,i had a perfect ideal ,sunday in my head or heart1 or both4 ,if ,i'm very good ,i'm tired at night1 and if ,i'm bad my conscience smites me--so any way ,i'm not very happy just now and ,i'm sick and mean to go to bed and so6 #ahth4--,had a talk with ,nannie4 ,she has a thoughtful mind and who knows but we may do her some good4 ,i love to have her here1 and for once in my life like to feel a little bit--just the least bit--old2 that is1 old enough to give a little sage advice to the poor thing1 when she asks it4 ,she says she won't read any more novels and will read the ,bible and dear knows what else she said about finding an angel for me to marry1 which heaven forbid she should do1 since ,i'm too fond of being a little mite naughty1 to desire anything of that sort4 ,after she was in bed she began to say her prayers most vehemently and among other things1 prayed for ,miss ,payson4 ,i had the strangest sensation1 and yet an almost heavenly one1 if ,i may say so4 ,may it please ,heaven to listen to her prayer for me1 and mine for her1 dear child4 ,but suppose ,i do her no good while she lives so under my wing8 #aith4--,up early--walked and read ,leighton4 ,mr4 ,p4 amused us at dinner by giving a funny account in his funny way1 of a mistake of ,e4---- ,h4----'s4 ,she asked me the ,french for as4 ,aussi quoth ,i4 ,thereupon she tucked a great ,o4 ,c4 into her exercise and took it to him and they jabbered and sputtered over it1 and she insisted that ,miss ,payson said so and he put his face right into hers and said1 ,will you try to prove that ,miss ,payson is a fool1 you little goose8 and at last ,miss ,a4 understood and explained4 ,read ,leighton after school and thirty-two pages of ,lamartine--then ,mr4 ,p4 called--then ,miss ---- teased me to love her and kept me in her paws till the bell rang for tea4 ,why can't ,i like her8 ,i should be so ashamed if ,i should find out after all that she is as good as she seems1 but ,i never did get cheated yet when ,i trusted my own mother wits1 my instinct1 or whatever it is by which ,i know folks--and she is found wanting by this something4 #bhth4--,mrs4 ,persico has comforted me to-day4 ,she says ,mr4 ,t4 came to ,mr4 ,p4 with tears in his eyes 7could such a man shed tears87 and told him that ,i should be the salvation of his child--that she was already the happiest and most altered creature1 and begged him to tell me so4 ,i was ashamed and happy too--but ,i think ,mr4 ,p4 should have told him that if good has been done to ,nannie1 it is as much--to say the least--owing to ,louisa as to me4 ,l4 always joins me in everything ,i do and say for her1 and ,i would not have even an accident deprive her of her just reward for anything4 ,nannie sat on the floor to-night in her night-gown1 thinking4 ,at last she said1 ,miss ,payson8 ,well1 little witch8 ,you wouldn't care much if you should die to-night1 should you8 ,no1 ,i think not4 ,nor ,i1 said she4 ,why1 do you think you should be better off than you are here8 ,yes1 in heaven1 said she4 ,why how do you know you'll go to heaven8 ,she looked at me seriously and said1 ,oh1 ,i don't know--,i don't know--,i don't think ,i should like to go to the other place4 ,we had then a long talk with her and it seems she's a regular little believer in ,purgatory--but ,i wouldn't dispute with her4 ,i guess there's a way of getting at her heart better than that4444 ,why is it that ,i have such a sensitiveness on religious points1 such a dread of having my own private aims and emotions known by those about me8 ,is it right8 ,i should like to be just what the ,christian ought to be in these relations4 ,miss ---- expects me to make speeches to her1 but ,i can not4 ,if ,i thought ,i knew ever so much1 ,i could not1 and she annoys me so4 ,oh1 ,i wish it didn't hurt my soul so to touch it6 ,it's just like a butterfly's wing--people can't help tearing off the very invisible down so to speak1 for which they take a fancy to it1 if they get it between fingers and thumb1 and so ,i have to suffer for their curiosity's sake4 ,am ,i bound to reveal my heart-life to everybody who asks8 ,must ,i not believe that the heavenly love may1 in one sense1 be hidden from outward eye and outward touch8 or am ,i wrong8 ,feb4 #a1 #ahdl4--,rose later than usual--cold1 dull1 rainy morning4 ,read in ,life of ,wilberforce4 ,defended ,nannie with more valor than discretion4 ,this evening the storm departed and the moonlight was more beautiful than ever2 and ,i was so sad and so happy1 and the life beyond and above seemed so beautiful4 ,oh1 how ,i have longed to-day for heaven within my own soul6 ,there has been much unspoken prayer in my heart to-night4 ,i don't know what ,i should do if ,i could have my room all to myself--and not have people know it if even a good thought comes into my mind4 ,i shall be happy in heaven1 ,i know ,i shall--for even here prayer and praise are so infinitely more delightful than anything else4 #c;d4--,woke with headache1 got through school as best ,i could1 then came and curled myself up in a ball in the easy-chair and didn't move till nine1 when ,i crept down to say good-bye to poor ,mrs4 ,persico4 ,miss ,l4 and ,miss ,j4 received me in their room so tenderly and affectionately that ,i was ashamed4 ,what makes them love me8 ,i am sure ,i should not think they could4 #ajth4--,i wonder who folks think ,i am1 and what they think8 ,sally ,r---- sent me up her book of autographs with a request that ,i would add mine4 ,i looked it over and found very great names1 and did not know whether to laugh or cry at her funny request1 which ,i couldn't have made up my mouth to grant4 ,how queer it seems to me that people won't let me be a little girl and will act as if ,i were an old maid or matron of ninety-nine6 ,poor ,mr4 ,persico is terribly unhappy and walks up and down perpetually with such a step4 #abth4-- 444 ,i am sure that in these little things ,god's hand is just as clearly to be seen as in ,his wonderful works of power1 and tried to make ,miss ---- see this1 but she either couldn't or wouldn't4 ,it seems to me that ,god is my ,father1 my own ,father1 and it is so natural to turn right to ,him1 every minute almost1 with either thank-offerings or petitions1 that ,i never once stop to ask if such and such a matter is sufficiently great for ,his notice4 ,miss ---- seemed quite astonished when ,i said so4 #afth4-- 444 ,i've been instituting an inquiry into myself to-day and have been worthily occupied in comparing myself to an onion1 though in view of the fragrance of that highly useful vegetable1 ,i hope the comparison won't go on all fours ,but ,i have as many natures as an onion has--what d'ye call 'em--coats8 ,first the outside skin or nature--kind o' tough and ugly2 anybody may see that and welcome4 ,then comes my next nature--a little softer--a little more removed from curious eyes2 then my inner one--myself--that 'ere little round ball which nobody ever did or ever will see the whole of--at least1 s'pose not4 ,now most people see only the outer rind--a brown1 red1 yellow1 tough skin and that's all2 but ,i think there's something inside that's better and more truly an onion than might at first be guessed4 ,and so ,i'm an onion and that's the end4 #agth4--,mrs4 ,p4's birthday1 in honor of which cake and wine4 ,mr4 ,p4 was angry with us because we took no wine4 ,if he had asked me civilly to drink his wife's health1 ,i should probably have done so1 but ,i am not to be frightened into anything4 ,i made a funny speech and got him out of his bearish mood1 and then we all proceeded to the portico to see if the new ,president had arrived--by which means we obtained a satisfactory view of two cows1 three geese1 one big boy in a white apron and one small one in a blue apron1 three darkies of feminine gender and one old horse2 but ,harrison himself we saw not4 ,mr4 ,persico says it's ,tyler's luck to get into office by the death of his superior1 and declares ,harrison must infallibly die to secure ,john ,tyler's fate4 ,it's to be hoped this won't be the case4 #i ,march #fth4--,miss ,l4 read to us to-day some sprightly and amusing little notes written her years ago by a friend with whom she still corresponds4 ,i was struck with the contrast between these youthful and light-hearted fragments and her present letters1 now that she is a wife and mother4 ,i wonder if there is always this difference between the girl and woman8 ,if so1 heaven forbid ,i should ever cease to be a child6 #ahth4--,headache--,nannie sick2 held her in my arms two or three hours2 had a great fuss with her about taking her medicine1 but at last out came my word must1 and the little witch knew it meant all it said and down went the oil in a jiffy1 while ,i stood by laughing at myself for my pretension of dignity4 ,the poor child couldn't go to sleep till she had thanked me over and over for making her mind and for taking care of her1 and wouldn't let go my hand1 so ,i had to sit up until very late--and then ,i was sick and sad and restless1 for ,i couldn't have my room to myself and the day didn't seem finished without it4 ,it is a perfect mystery to me how folks get along with so little praying4 ,their hearts must be better than mine1 or something4 ,what is it8 ,but if ,god sees that the desire of my whole heart is to-night--has been all day--towards ,himself1 will ,he not know this as prayer1 answer it as such8 ,yes1 prayer is certainly something more than bending of the knees and earnest words1 and ,i do believe that goodness and mercy will descend upon me1 though with my lips ,i ask not4 #bdth4--,had a long talk with ,mr4 ,persico about my style of governing4 ,he seemed interested in what ,i had to say about appeals to the conscience1 but said my youthful enthusiasm would get cooled down when ,i knew more of the world4 ,i told him1 very pertly1 that ,i hoped ,i should never know the world then4 ,he laughed and asked1 ,you expect to make out of these stupid children such characters1 such hearts as yours8 ,no--but better ones4 ,he shook his head and said ,i had put him into good humor4 ,i don't know what he meant4 ,i've been acting like ,sancho to-day--rushing up stairs two at a time1 frisking about1 catching up ,miss ,j---- in all her maiden dignity and tossing her right into the midst of our bed4 ,who's going to be schoolma'am out of school8 ,not ,i6 ,i mean to be just as funny as ,i please1 and what's more ,i'll make ,miss ---- funny1 too1--that ,i will6 ,she'd have so much more health--,christian health1 ,i mean--if she would leave off trying to get to heaven in such a dreadful bad way4 ,i can't think religion makes such a long1 gloomy face4 ,it must be that she is wrong1 or else ,i am4 ,i wonder which8 ,why it's all sunshine to me--and all clouds to her6 ,poor ,miss ----1 you might be so happy6 ,april #ith4--,holiday4 ,we all took a long walk1 which ,i enjoyed highly4 ,i was in a half moralising mood all the way1 wanted to be by myself very much4 ,we talked more than usual about home and ,i grew so sad4 ,oh1 ,i wonder if anybody loves me as ,i love6 ,i wonder6 ,i long for mother1 and if ,i could just see her and know that she is happy and that she will be well again6 ,it is really a curious question with me1 whether provided ,i ever fall in love 7for ,i'll fall in love1 else not go in at all7 ,i shall leave off loving mother best of anybody in the world8 ,i suppose ,i shall be in love sometime or other1 but that's nothing to do with me now nor ,i with it4 ,i've got my hands full to take care of my naughty little self4 #agth4--,mrs4 ,persico got home to-night #aj and what a meeting we had6 what rejoicing6 ,how beautiful she looked as she sat in her low chair1 and we stood and knelt in a happy circle about her6 ,a queen--an angel--could not have received love and homage with a sweeter grace4 ,sue ,irvine cried an hour for joy and ,i wished ,i were one of the crying sort1 for ,i'm sure ,i was glad enough to do almost anything4 ,beautiful woman6 ,we sang to her the ,welcome ,home1 ,miss ,f4 singing as much with her eyes as with her voice1 and ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,persico both cried1 he like a little child4 ,oh1 that such evenings as this came oftener in one's life6 ,all that was beautiful and good in each of our hidden natures came dancing out to greet her at her coming1 and all petty jealousies were so quieted and--why1 what a rhapsody ,i'm writing6 ,and to-morrow1 our good better natures tucked away1 dear knows where1 we shall descend with business-like airs to breakfast1 wish each other good morning1 pretend that we haven't any hearts4 ,oh1 is this life6 ,i won't believe it4 ,our good genius has come back to us2 now all things will again go on smoothly2 once more ,i can be a little girl and frolic up here instead of playing ,miss ,dignity down-stairs4 ,may #gth4--,this evening ,i passed unavoidably through ,miss ----'s room4 ,she was reading ,byron as usual and looked so wretched and restless1 that ,i could not help yielding to a loving impulse and putting my hand on hers and asking why she was so sad4 ,she told me4 ,it was just what ,i supposed4 ,she is trying to be happy1 and can not find out how2 reads ,byron and gets sickly views of life2 sits up late dreaming about love and lovers2 then1 too tired to pray or think good thoughts1 tosses herself down upon her bed and wishes herself dead4 ,she did not tell me this1 to be sure1 but ,i gathered it from her story4 ,i alluded to her religious history and present hopes4 ,she said she did not think continued acts of faith in ,christ necessary2 she had believed on ,him once1 and now ,he would save her whatever she did2 and she was not going to torment herself trying to live so very holy a life1 since1 after all1 she should get to heaven just as well through ,him as if she had been particularly good 7as she termed it74 ,i don't know whether a good or a bad spirit moved me at that minute1 but ,i forgot that ,i was a mere child in religious knowledge1 and talked about my doctrine and made it a very beautiful one to my mind1 though ,i don't think she thought it so4 ,oh1 for what would ,i give up the happiness of praying for a holy heart--of striving1 struggling for it6 ,yes1 it is indeed true that we are to be saved simply1 only1 apart from our own goodness1 through the love of ,christ4 ,but who can believe himself thus chosen of ,god--who can think of and hold communion with ,infinite ,holiness1 and not long for the ,divine image in his own soul8 ,it is a mystery to me--these strange doctrines4 ,is not the fruit of love aspiration after the holy8 ,is not the act of the new-born soul1 when it passes from death unto life1 that of desire for assimilation to and oneness with ,him who is its all in all8 ,how can love and faith be one act and then cease8 ,i dare not believe--,i would not for a universe believe--that my very sense of safety in the love of ,christ is not to be just the sense that shall bind me in grateful self-renunciation wholly to ,his service4 ,let me be sure of final rest in heaven--sure that at this moment ,i am really ,god's own adopted child2 and ,i believe my prayers1 my repentings1 my weariness of sin1 would be just what they now are2 nay1 more deep1 more abundant4 ,oh1 it is because ,i believe--fully believe that ,i shall be saved through ,christ--that ,i want to be like ,him here upon earth ,it is because ,i do not fear final misery that ,i shrink from sin and defilement here4 ,oh1 that ,i could put into that poor bewildered heart of hers just the sweet repose upon the ever present ,saviour which ,he has given unto me6 ,the quietness with which my whole soul rests upon ,him is such blessed quietness6 ,i shall not soon forget this strange evening4 #a ,she refers to this1 doubtless1 in a note to ,mr4 ,hamlin1 dated ,march #bh1 #ahci4 ,mr4 ,h4 was then in ,constantinople4 ,it seems as if a letter to go so far ought to be a good one1 so ,i am afraid to write to you4 ,but we 'think to you' every day1 and hope you think of us sometimes4 ,i have been so happy all winter that ,i have some happiness to spare1 and if you need any you shall have as much as you want4 #b ,the sermon was preached by her pastor1 the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,condit1 ,april #aith4 #c ,there is one thing ,i recall as showing the very early religious tendency of ,lizzy's mind4 ,it was a little prayer meeting which she held with a few little friends1 as long ago as her sister kept school in the large parlor of the house on ,middle street1 before the death of her father4 ,it assembled at odd hours and in odd places4 ,i also remember her interest in the spiritual welfare of her young companions1 after the return of the family from their sojourn in ,new ,york4 ,she showed this by accompanying some of us1 in the way of encouragement1 to ,dr4 ,tyler's inquiry-meeting4 ,then during the special religious interest of #ahch1 she felt still more deeply and entered heartily into the rejoicing of those of us who at that time found peace in believing4 ,the next year ,i accompanied my elder sister ,susan to ,richmond1 and during my absence she gave up her ,christian hope and passed through a season of great darkness and despondency1 emerging1 however1 into the light upon a higher plane of religious experience and enjoyment4 ,she sometimes thought this the very beginning of the life of faith in her soul4 ,but as ,i used to say to her when the next year we were together at ,richmond1 it seemed to me quite impossible that any one who had not already received the grace of ,god1 could have felt what she had felt and expressed4 ,i do not doubt in the least that for years she had been a true follower of ,christ4--,letter from ,miss ,ann ,louisa ,p4 ,lord1 dated ,portland1 ,december #cj1 #ahgh4 #d ,it may be proper to say here1 that while but few of her letters are given entire1 it has not been deemed needful specially to indicate all the omissions4 ,in some instances1 also1 where two letters1 or passages of letters1 relate to the same subject1 they have been combined4 #e ,an excellent little work by ,rev4 ,william ,nevins1 ,d4,d4 ,dr4 ,nevins was pastor of the first ,presbyterian ,church in ,baltimore1 where he died in #ahce1 at the age of thirty-seven4 ,he was one of the best preachers and most popular religious writers of his day4 #f ,miss ,ann ,louisa ,p4 ,lord4 #g ,miss ,susan ,lord4 #h ,referring to a serious accident1 by which her mother was for some time deprived of the use of her right hand4 #i ,but1 singularly enough1 it was4 ,president ,harrison died ,april #d1 #ahda1 just a month after his inauguration1 and ,mr4 ,tyler succeeded him4 #aj ,from ,philadelphia1 where she had undergone a surgical operation4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,passing ,,from ,,girlhood ,,into ,,womanhood4 #ahda-ahde4 ,i4 ,at ,home again4 ,marriage of her ,sister4 ,ill-,health4 ,letters4 ,spiritual ,aspiration and ,conflict4 ,perfectionism4 ,very1 very ,happy4 ,work for ,christ what makes ,life attractive4 ,passages from ,her ,journal4 ,a ,point of ,difficulty4 ,not long after ,elizabeth's return from ,richmond1 her sister was married to the ,rev4 ,albert ,hopkins1 ,professor in ,williams ,college4 ,the wedding had been delayed for her coming4 ,i would rather wait six years than not have you present1 her sister wrote4 ,this event brought her into intimate relations with a remarkable man2 a man much beloved in his day1 and whose name will often reappear in these pages4 ,the next two or three months showed that her ,richmond life1 although so full of happy experiences1 had yet drawn heavily upon her strength4 ,they were marked by severe nervous excitement and fits of depression4 ,this1 however1 passed away and she settled down again into a busy home life4 ,but it was no longer the home life of the past4 ,the year of absence had left a profound impression upon her character4 ,her mind and heart had undergone a rapid development4 ,she was only twenty-two on her return1 and had still all the fresh1 artless simplicity of a young girl1 but there was joined to it now the maturity of womanhood4 ,of the rest of the year a record is preserved in letters to her cousin4 ,these letters give many little details respecting her daily tasks and the life she led in the family and in the world2 but they are chiefly interesting for the light they shed upon her progress heavenward4 ,her whole soul was still absorbed in divine things4 ,at times her delight in them was sweet and undisturbed2 then again1 she found herself tossed to and fro upon the waves of spiritual conflict4 ,perfectionism was just then much discussed1 and the question troubled her not a little1 as it did again thirty years later4 ,but whether agitated or at rest1 her thoughts all centered in ,christ1 and her constant prayer was for more love to ,him4 ,,portland1 ,sept4 #ae1 #ahda4 ,the ,lord ,jesus is indeed dear to me4 ,i can not doubt it4 ,his name is exceedingly precious4 ,oh1 help me1 my dear cousin1 to love ,him more1 to attain ,his image1 to live only for ,him6 ,i blush and am ashamed when ,i consider how inadequate are the returns ,i am making ,him2 yet ,i can praise ,him for all that is past and trust ,him for all that is to come4 ,i can not tell you how delightful prayer is4 ,i feel that in it ,i have communion with ,god--that ,he is here--that ,he is mine and that ,i am ,his4 ,i long to make progress every day1 each minute seems precious1 and ,i constantly tremble lest ,i should lose one in returning1 instead of pressing forward with all my strength4 ,no1 not my strength1 for ,i have none1 but with all which the ,lord gives me4 ,how can ,i thank you enough that you pray for me6 ,sept4 #ahth4--,i am all the time so nervous that life would be insupportable if ,i had not the comfort of comforts to rejoice in4 ,i often think mother would not trust me to carry the dishes to the closet1 if she knew how strong an effort ,i have to make to avoid dashing them all to pieces4 ,when ,i am at the head of the stairs ,i can hardly help throwing myself down1 and ,i believe it a greater degree of just such a state as this which induces the suicide to put an end to his existence4 ,it was never so bad with me before4 ,do you know anything of such a feeling as this8 ,to-night1 for instance1 my head began to feel all at once as if it were enlarging till at last it seemed to fill the room1 and ,i thought it large enough to carry away the house4 ,then every object of which ,i thought enlarged in proportion4 ,when this goes off the sense of the contraction is equally singular4 ,my head felt about the size of a pin's head2 our church and everybody in it appeared about the bigness of a cup1 etc4 ,these strange sensations terminate invariably with one still more singular and particularly pleasant4 ,i can not describe it--it is a sense of smoothness and a little of dizziness4 ,if you never had such feelings this will be all nonsense to you1 but if you have and can explain them to me1 why ,i shall be indeed thankful4 ,i have been subject to them ever since ,i can remember4 ,i never met with a physician yet who seemed to know what is the matter with me1 or to care a fig whether ,i got well or not4 ,all they do is to roll up their eyes and shake their heads and say1 ,oh6 444 ,as to the wedding1 we had a regular fuss1 so that ,i hardly knew whether ,i was in the body or out of it4 ,the ,professor was here only two days4 ,he is very eminently holy1 his friends say1 and from what ,i saw of him1 ,i should think it true4 ,this was the point which interested sister in him4 ,as soon as the wedding was over my spirits departed and fled4 ,it is true enough that marriage involves one union1 but many separations4 ,oct4 #agth4--,we had a most precious sermon this afternoon from the ,baptist minister on the words1 ,christ is all and in all4 ,i longed to have you hear the ,saviour thus dwelt upon4 ,i did not know how full the ,apostles were of ,his praise--how constantly they dwelt upon ,him1 till it was spread before me thus in one delightful view4 ,oh1 may ,he become our all--our beginning and our ending--our first and our last6 ,i do love to hear ,him thus honored and adored4 ,let us1 dear cousin1 look at our ,saviour more4 ,let us never allow aught to come between our hearts and our ,god4 ,speak to me as to your own soul1 urging me onward1 and if you do not see the fruits of your faithfulness here1 may you see when sowing is turned to reaping4 ,oct4 #bdth4--,i must call upon you to rejoice with me that ,i have to-day got back my old ,sunday-school class4 ,i wondered at their being so earnest about having me again1 yet ,i trust that ,god has given me this hold upon their affections for some good purpose4444 ,i do not know exactly how to discriminate between the suggestions of ,satan and those of my own heart1 but for a week past1 even while my inclinations and my will were set upon ,christ1 something followed me in my down-sittings and my uprisings1 urging me to hate the ,lord ,jesus2 asking if ,his strict requirements were not too strait to be endured2 and it has grieved me deeply that such a thought could find its way into my mind4 ,i have prayed for thee that thy faith fail not is my last refuge4 ,how graciously did ,jesus provide a separate consolation for each difficulty which ,he foresaw could meet ,his disciples on their way4 ,nov4 #hth4--,mother has been sick4 ,the doctor feared inflammation of the brain2 but she is better now4 ,i have had my first experience as a nurse1 and ,dr4 ,mighels says ,i am a good one4 ,whenever ,i think of ,god's wonderful1 wonderful goodness to me and of my own sinfulness1 ,i want to find a place low at the foot of the cross where ,i may cover my face in the dust1 and yet go on praising ,him4 ,you do not know how all things have been made new to me within less than two years4 ,still1 ,i struggle fiercely every hour of my life4 ,for instance1 my desire to be much beloved by those dear to me1 is a source of constant grief4 ,some weeks ago1 a person1 who probably did not know this1 told me that ,i was remarkably lovable and that everybody said so4 ,i was so foolish1 so wicked1 as to be more pleased by this than ,i dare to tell--but enough so to give me after-hours of bitter sorrow4 ,sometimes it seems to me that ,i grow prouder every day1 and ,i wanted to ask mother if she did not think so2 but ,i thought perhaps ,god is showing me my pride as ,i had never seen it that ,i may wage war against this1 ,his enemy and mine4 ,i do not believe anybody else has such an evil nature as ,i4 ,but let us never rest till we are satisfied with being counted as nothing1 that our ,saviour may be all in all4 ,it seems no small portion of the joy ,i long for in heaven1 to be thus self-forgetful in love to ,christ4 ,how strange that we do not now supremely love ,him4 ,how ,i do long to live with those who praise ,him4 ,i long to have every ,christian with whom ,i meet speak of ,him with love and exalt ,him4 #a ,nov4 #abth4--,i have been very unwell and low-spirited4 ,the cause of this1 folks seem to agree1 was over-exertion during mother's sickness4 ,to tell the truth1 ,i was so anxious about her that ,i did not try to save my strength at all1 and excitement kept me up1 so that ,i was not conscious of any special fatigue till all was over and the reaction came1 when ,i just went into a dead-and-alive state and had the blues outrageously4 ,it seemed as if ,i could do nothing but fold my hands and cry4 ,sister is coming home this winter4 ,i would like you to see this letter of hers4 ,she is as nearly a perfectionist now as your father is4 ,she begs me to read the ,new ,testament and to pray for a knowledge of the truth4 ,and so ,i have for a year and a half1 and this is what ,i learn thereby3 ,the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked--at least such ,i find mine to be4 ,to be sure1 that ,i am not perfect is no proof that ,i may not become so2 however1 ,i feel most sympathy with those who1 like ,martyn1 ,brainerd1 and my father1 had to fight their way through4 ,yet her remarks threw my mind into great confusion at first and ,i knew not what to do2 thereupon ,i went at once with my difficulties to the ,lord and tried to seek the truth1 whatever it might be1 from ,him4 ,it seems to me that ,i am safe while in ,his hands1 and that if those things are essential1 ,he will not withhold them from me4 ,truly1 if there is a royal road to holiness1 and if in one moment of time sin may be crushed and forever slain1 ,i of all others should know it2 for at present the way is thronged with difficulties4 #b ,it seems to me that ,i am made of wants--,i need everything4 ,at the same time1 how great is the goodness of ,god to me6 ,i long to have my heart so filled with the one single image of my ,redeemer1 that it shall ever flow in spontaneous adoration4 ,such a ,saviour6 ,i am pained to the very depths of my soul because ,i love ,him so little4444 ,if ,i am only purified and made entirely the ,lord's1 let ,him take ,his own course and make the refining process ever so painful4 ,when the shore is won at last1 ,who will count the billows past8 ,dec4 #afth4--,do you remember what father said about losing his will when near the close of his life8 ,that remark has always made the subject of a lost will interesting to me4 ,there is another place where he wishes he had known this blessedness twenty years before4 #c ,dec4 #ahth4--,i am very1 very happy2 and yet it is hardly a happiness which ,i can describe4 ,you know what it is to rejoice in the sweet consciousness that there is a ,saviour--a near and a present ,saviour2 and thus am ,i now rejoicing2 grateful to ,him for ,his holy nature1 for ,his power over me1 for ,his dealings with me1 for a thousand things which ,i can only try to express to ,him4 ,oh1 how excellent above all treasures does ,he now appear6 ,one minute of nearness to the ,lord ,jesus contains more of delight than years spent in intercourse with any earthly friend4 ,i could not but own to-night that ,god can make me happy without a right hand or a right eye4 ,lord1 make me ,thine1 and ,i will cheerfully give ,thee all4 ,dec4 #bb;d4--,as to my ,italian and ,tasso1 ,i am ashamed to tell you how slow ,i have been4 ,between company and housework and sewing ,i have my hands about full1 and precious little time for reading and study4 ,still1 ,i feel that ,i live a life of too much ease4 ,i should love to spend the rest of my existence in the actual service of the ,lord1 without a question as to its ease and comfort4 ,reading ,brainerd this afternoon made me long for his loose hold on earthly things4 ,i do not know how to attain to such a spirit4 ,is it by prayer alone and the consequent sense of the worth of ,divine things that this deadness to the world is to be gained--or1 by giving up1 casting away the treasures which withdraw the heart or have a tendency to withdraw it from ,god8 ,this is quite an interesting question to me now1 and ,i should really like it settled4 ,the thought of living apart from ,god is more dreadful than any affliction ,i can think of4 ,here are some passages from two leaves of her journal which escaped the flames4 ,they touch upon another side of her life at this period4 ,december #a1 #ahdl4--,i went to the sewing-circle this afternoon and had such a stupid time6 ,enough gossip and nonsense was talked to make one sick1 and ,i'm sure it wasn't the fault of my head that my hair didn't stand on end4 ,now my mother is a very sensible mother1 but when she urges me into company and exhorts me to be more social1 she runs the risk of having me become as silly as the rest of 'em4 ,she fears ,i may be harmed by reading1 studying and staying with her1 but heaven forbid ,i should find things in books worse than things out of them4 ,i can't think the girls are the silly creatures they make themselves appear4 ,they want an aim in life1 some worthy object2 give them that1 and the good and excellent which1 ,i am sure1 lies hidden in their nature1 will develop itself at once4 ,when the young men rushed in and the girls began looking unutterable things1 ,i rushed out and came home4 ,i can't and won't talk nonsense and flirt with those boys6 ,oh1 what is it ,i do want8 ,somebody who feels as ,i feel and thinks as ,i think2 but where shall ,i find the somebody8 #gth4--,frolicked with ,g41 rushed up stairs with a glass-lamp in my hand1 went full tilt against the door1 smashed the lamp1 got the oil on my dress1 on two carpets1 besides spattering the wall4 ,first consequence1 a horrible smell of lamp-oil2 ,second1 great quakings1 shakings1 and wonderings what my ma would say when she came home2 ,third1 ablutions1 groanings1 ironings2 ,fourth1 a story for the ,companion long enough to pay for that 'ere old lamp4 ,letting alone that1 ,i've been a very good girl to-day2 studied1 made a call1 went to see ,h4 ,r4 with books1 cakes1 apples1 and what's more1 my precious tongue wherewith ,i discoursed to her4 #adth4--,busy all day4 ,carried a basket full of wittles to old ,ma'am ,burns1 heard an original account of the deluge from the poor woman1 wished ,i was as near heaven as she seems to be1 studied1 sewed1 taught ,t4 and ,e41 tried to be a good girl and didn't have the blues once4 #bjth4--,spent most of the afternoon with ,lucy1 who is sick4 ,she held my hand in hers and kissed it over and over1 and expressed so much love and gratitude and interest in the ,sunday-school that ,i felt ashamed4 #bdth--,helped mother bake all the morning1 studied in the afternoon1 got into a frolic1 and went out after dark with ,g4 to shovel snow1 and then paddled down to ,l----'s with a ,christmas-pudding1 whereby ,i got a real backache1 legache1 neckache1 and all-overache1 which is just good enough for me4 ,i was in the funniest state of mind this afternoon6 ,i guess anybody1 who had seen me1 would have thought so6 #beth1 ,saturday4--,got up early and ran down to ,sally ,johnson's with a big pudding1 consequence whereof a horrible pain in my side4 ,i don't care1 though4 ,i do love to carry puddings to good old grannies4 ,jan4 #a1 #ahdb4--;,began the ,new ,year by going to see ,lucy1 fainting1 tumbling down flat on the floor and scaring everybody half out of their wits4 ,i don't think people ought to like me1 on the whole1 but when they do1 aint ,i glad8 ,i wonder if perfectly honest-hearted people want to be loved better than they deserve1 as in one sense ,i1 with yet a pretty honest heart1 do8 ,i wonder how other folks think1 feel inside8 ,wish ,i knew6 ,most of the year #ahdb was passed at home in household duties1 in study1 and in trying to do good4 ,never had she been busier1 or more helpful to her mother2 and never more interested in the things of ,god4 ,it was a year of genuine spiritual growth and also of sharp discipline4 ,the true ideal of the ,christian life revealed itself to her more and more distinctly1 while at the same time she had opportunity both to learn and to practise some of its hardest lessons4 ,a few extracts from letters to her cousin will give an inkling of its character4 ,march #ai1 #ahdb4--,sometimes ,i have thought my desire to live for my ,saviour and to labor for ,him had increased4 ,it certainly seems wonderful to me now that ,i could ever have wished to die1 as ,i used to do1 when ,i had done nothing for ,god4 ,the way of life which appears most attractive1 is that spent in persevering and unwearying toil for ,him4 ,there was a warmth and a fervency to my religious feelings the first year after my true hope which ,i do not find now and often sigh for2 but ,i think my mind is more seriously determined for ,god than it was then1 and that my principles are more fixed4 ,still ,i am less than the least of all4444 ,i have read not quite five cantos of ,tasso4 ,you will think me rather indolent1 but ,i have had a great deal to do1 which has hindered study and reading4 ,may #c;d--,the ,christian life was never dearer to me than it is now1 but it throngs with daily increasing difficulties4 ,you1 who have become a believer in perfection1 may say that this conflict is not essential1 and indeed ,i have been so weary1 of late1 of struggling that ,i am almost ready to fly to the doctrine myself4 ,i have certainly been made more willing to seek knowledge on this point from the ,holy ,spirit4 ,sept4 #cjth--,you speak of indulging unusually1 of late1 in your natural vivacity and finding it prejudicial4 ,here is a point on which ,i am completely bewildered4 ,i find that if for a month or two ,i steadily set myself to the unwearied pursuit of spirituality of mind and entire weanedness from the world1 a sad reaction will follow4 ,my efforts slightly relax1 ,i indulge in mirthful or worldly 7in the sense of not religious7 conversation1 delight in it1 and find my health and spirits better for it4 ,but then my spiritual appetites at once become less keen1 and from conversation ,i go to reading1 from reading to writing1 and then comes the question3 ,am ,i not going back8--and ,i turn from all to follow hard after the ,lord4 ,is this a part of our poor humanity1 above which we can not rise8 ,this is a hard world to live in2 and it will prove a trying one to me or ,i shall love it dearly4 ,i have had temptations during the last six months on points where ,i thought ,i stood so safely that there was no danger of a fall4 ,perhaps it is good for us to be allowed to go to certain lengths1 that we may see what wonderful supplies of grace our ,lord gives us every hour of our lives4 ,october #ast--,i have had two or three singular hours of excitement since ,i left writing to you last evening4 ,if you were here ,i should be glad to read you a late passage in my history which has come to its crisis and is over with--thanks to ,him1 who so wonderfully guides me by ,his counsel4 ,if ,i ever saw the hand of ,god distinctly held forth for my help1 ,i have seen it here1 coming in the right time1 in the right way1 all right4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,returns to ,richmond4 ,trials there4 ,letters4 ,illness4 ,school ,experiences4 ,to the ,year #ahdc4 ,glimpses of her daily ,life4 ,why her ,scholars love her so4 ,homesick4 ,a ,black ,wedding4 ,what a ,wife should be4 ,a ,presentiment4 ,notes from her ,diary4 ,in ,november of this year1 at the urgent solicitation of ,mr4 ,persico1 ,miss ,payson returned to ,richmond1 and again became a teacher in his school4 ,but everything was now changed1 and that for the worse4 ,mr4 ,persico1 no longer under the influence of his wife1 who had fallen a prey to cruel disease1 lost heart1 fell heavily in debt1 and became at length hopelessly insolvent4 ,later1 he is said to have been lost at sea on his way to ,italy4 ,the whole period of ,miss ,payson's second residence in ,richmond was one of sharp trial and disappointment4 ,but it brought out in a very vivid manner her disinterestedness and the generous warmth of her sympathies4 ,at the peril of her health she remained far into the summer of #ahdc1 faithfully performing her duties1 although1 as she well knew1 it was doubtful if she would receive any compensation for her services4 ,as a matter of fact1 only a pittance of her salary was ever paid4 ,of this second residence in ,richmond no other record is needed than a few extracts from letters written to a beloved friend who was passing the winter at the ,south1 and whose name has already been mentioned4 ,a sentence in the first of these letters deserves to be noted as affording a key to one side of her character1 namely3 the depressing sense of inferiority which was born with me4 ,all her earlier years were shadowed by this morbid feeling2 nor was she ever quite free from its influence4 ,it was1 probably1 at once a cause and an effect of the sensitive shyness that clung to her to the last4 ,perhaps1 too1 it grew in part out of her irrepressible craving for love1 coupled with utter incredulity about herself possessing the qualities which rendered her so lovable4 ,it is one of the faults of my character1 she wrote1 to fancy that nobody cares for me4 ,when1 dear ,anna1 ,i had taken my last look at the last familiar face in ,portland 7,i fancy you know whose face it was7 ,i became quite as melancholy as ,i ever desire to be1 even on the principle that by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better4 ,i dare say you never had a chance to feel1 and therefore will not be able to understand1 the depressing sense of inferiority which was born with me1 which grew with my growth and strengthened with my strength1 and which1 though somewhat repressed of late years1 gets the mastery very frequently and makes me believe myself the most unlovable of beings4 ,it was with this feeling that ,i left home and journeyed hither1 wondering why ,i was made1 and if anybody on earth will ever be a bit the happier for it1 and whether ,i shall ever learn where to put myself in the scale of being4 ,this is not humility1 please take notice--for humility is contented1 ,i think1 with such things as it hath4 ,to ,miss ,anna ,s4 ,prentiss4 ,richmond1 ,nov4 #bf1 #ahdb ,when ,i reached ,richmond last night1 tired and dusty and stupefied1 ,i felt a good deal like crawling away into some cranny and staying there the rest of my life2 but this morning1 when ,i had remembered mother's existence and yours and that of some one or two others1 ,i felt more disposed to write than anything else4 ,your note was a great comfort to me during two and a half hours at ,portsmouth1 and while on my journey4 ,i thought pages to you in reply4 ,how ,i should love to have you here in ,richmond1 even if ,i could only see you once a month1 or know only that you were here and never see you6 ,with many most kind friends about me1 ,i still shall feel very keenly the separation from you4 ,there is nobody here to whom ,i can speak confidingly1 and my hidden spirit will have to sit with folded wings for eight months to come4 ,to whom shall ,i talk about you1 pray8 ,on the way hither ,i fell in love with a little girl who also fell in love with me1 and as ,i sat with her over our lonely fire at ,philadelphia and in ,washington1 ,i could not help speaking of you now and then1 till at last she suddenly looked up and asked me if you hadn't a brother1 which question effectually shut my mouth4 ,in a religious point of view ,i am sadly off here4 ,there is a different atmosphere in the house from what there used to be1 and ,i look forward with some anxiety to the future4 ,the little girl referred to received soon after a letter from ,miss ,payson4 ,in enclosing it to a friend1 more than thirty-seven years later1 she wrote3 ,i cried bitterly when she left us for ,richmond4 ,she was out and out good and true4 ,when my father was taking leave of us1 the last night in ,washington1 she proposed that as we had enjoyed so much together1 we should not separate without a prayer of thanks and blessing-seeking1 a proposal to which my father most heartily responded4 ,here is an extract from the letter3 ,when ,i look over my school-room ,i am frequently reminded of you1 for my thirty-six pupils are1 most of them1 about your age4 ,i have some very lovable girls under my wing4 ,i should be too happy if there were no unruly members among these good and gentle ones2 but in the little world where ,i shall spend the greater part of the next eight months1 as well as in the great and busy one1 which as yet neither you or ,i know much about1 ,i fancy there are mixtures of the just and the unjust1 of the evil and the good4 ,we have a very pleasant family this year4 ,the youngest 7for ,i omit the black baby in the kitchen7 we call ,lily4 ,she is my pet and plaything1 and is quite as affectionate as you are4 ,then comes a damsel named ,beatrice1 who has taken me upon trust just as you did4 ,you may be thankful that your parents are not like hers1 for she is to be educated for the world2 music1 ,french and ,italian crowd almost everything else out of place1 and as for religious influences1 she is under them here for the first time4 ,how thankful ,i feel when ,i see such cases as this1 that ,god gave me pious parents1 who taught me from my very birth1 that ,his fear is the beginning of wisdom6 ,my room-mate we call ,kate4 ,she is pious1 intelligent1 and very warm-hearted1 and ,i love her dearly4 ,she is an orphan--,mrs4 ,persico's daughter 444 ,i am rather affectionate by nature1 if not in practice1 and though ,i know that nearness to the ,friend1 whom ,i hope ,i have chosen1 could make me happy in any circumstances1 ,i do not pretend to be above the desire for earthly friends1 provided ,he sees fit to give them to me4 ,i believe my father used to say that we could not love them too much1 if we only gave ,him the first place in our hearts4 ,let us earnestly seek to make ,him our all in all4 ,it is delightful1 in the midst of adversities and trials1 to be able to say ,there is none upon earth that ,i desire besides ,thee1 but it requires more grace1 ,i think1 to be able to use such language when the world is bright about us4 ,you have known little of sorrow as yet1 but if you have given your whole1 undivided heart to ,god1 you will not need affliction1 or to have your life made so desolate that weariness must toss you to ,his breast4 ,there is a bright side to religion1 and ,i love to see ,christians walking in the sunshine4 ,i trust you have found this out for yourself1 and that your hope in ,christ makes you happy in the life that now is1 as well as gives you promise of blessedness in that which is to come4 ,before she had been long in ,richmond she was seized with an illness which caused her many painful1 wearisome days and nights4 ,referring to this illness1 in a letter to ,miss ,prentiss1 she writes3 ,it is dull music being sick away from one's mother1 but ,i have a knack at submitting myself to my fate2 so my spirit was a contented one1 and ,i was not for a moment unhappy1 except for the trouble which ,i gave those who had to nurse me4 ,i thought of you1 at least two-thirds of the time4 ,as my little pet1 ,lily ,l41 said to me last night1 when she had very nearly squeezed the breath out of my body1 ,i love you a great deal harder than ,i hug you2 so ,i say to you--,i love you harder than ,i tell1 or can tell you4 ,a happy ,new-,year to you1 dear ,anna4 ,how much and how little in those few old words6 ,consider yourself kissed and good-night4 ,the ,new ,year was destined to be a very eventful one alike to her friend and to herself4 ,she seemed to have a presentiment of it1 at least in her own case1 as some lines written on a blank leaf of her almanac for that year attest3 ,with mingling hope and trust and fear ,i bid thee welcome1 untried year2 ,the paths before me pause to view2 ,which shall ,i shun and which pursue8 ,i read my fate with serious eye2 ,i see dear hopes and treasures fly1 ,behold thee on thy opening wing ,now grief1 now joy1 now sorrow bring4 ,god grant me grace my course to run ,with one blest prayer--,his will be done4 ,a little journal kept by her during the following months gives bright glimpses of her daily life4 ,the entries are very brief1 but they show that while devoted to the school1 she also spent a good deal of time among her books1 kept up a lively correspondence with absent friends1 and contributed her full share to the entertainment of the household by holding soirees in her room1 reading to the girls1 writing stories for them1 and helping to play goose and other games4 ,to ,miss ,anna ,s4 ,prentiss1 ,richmond1 ,feb4 #bb1 #ahdc4 ,thanks to the ,father of his ,country for choosing to be born in ,virginia6 for it gives us a holiday1 and ,i can write to you1 dearest of ,annas4 ,you don't know how delighted ,i was to get your long-watched-for letter4 ,you very kindly express the wish that you could bear some of my school drudgery with me4 ,i would not give you that1 but you should have love from some of these warm-hearted damsels1 which would make you happy even in the midst of toil and vexation4 ,i can't think what makes my scholars love me so4 ,i'm sure it is a gift for which ,i should be grateful1 as coming from the same source with all the other blessings which are about me4 ,i believe my way of governing is a more fatiguing one than that of scolding1 fretting1 and punishing4 ,there is a little bit of a tie between each of these hearts and mine--and the least mistake on my part severs it forever2 so ,i have to be exceedingly careful what ,i do and say4 ,this keeps me in a constant state of excitement and makes my pulse fly rather faster than1 as a pulse arrived at years of discretion1 it ought to do4 ,i come out of school so happy1 though half tired to death1 wishing ,i were better1 and hoping ,i shall become so2 for the more my scholars love me1 the more ,i am ashamed that ,i am not the pink of perfection they seem to fancy me4 ,evening4--,i have just come up here to my lonely room 7which1 if ,i hadn't the happiest kind of a heart in the world1 would look right gloomy7 and have read for the third time your dear1 good letter1 and all ,i wish is that ,i could tell you how ,i love you1 and how angry ,i am with myself that ,i did not know and love you sooner4 ,it seems so odd that we should have been born and raised so near each other and yet apart4 ,you say you are a believer in destiny4 ,so am ,i--particularly in affairs of the heart2 and ,i hope that we are made friends now for something more than the satisfaction which we find in loving4 ,i am in danger of forgetting that ,i am to stay in this world only a little while and then go home4 ,will you help me to bear it in mind8444 ,how must the ,pilgrim's ,progress interest a mind that has never learned the whole book by rote in childhood4 ,i have often wished ,i could read it as a first-told tale1 and so ,i wish about the xiv4 of ,john and some other chapters in the ,bible4 ,your incidental mention that you have family prayers every evening produced a thousand strange sensations in my mind4 ,i hardly know why4 ,did ,i ever tell you how ,i love and admire the new ,bishop ,johns8 ,and how if ,i am a good ,presbyterian1 as they say here1 ,i go to hear him whenever and wherever he preaches4 ,i don't think him a great man1 but he has that sincerity and truthfulness of manner which win your love at once4 #d 444 ,what nice times you must have studying ,german6 ,i dreamed the night ,i read your account of it that ,i was with you1 and that you said ,i was as stupid as an owl4 ,i have the queerest mind somehow4 ,it won't work like those of other people1 but goes the farthest way round when it wants to go home1 and ,i never could do anything with it but just let it have its own way1 and live the longer4 ,they are having a nice time down in the parlor worshipping ,miss ,ford1 the light and sunshine of the house1 who leaves to-morrow for ,natchez1 and ,i am going down to help them4 ,so1 good-night4 ,to the same4 ,april #bd4 ,since ,i wrote you last we have all had a good deal to put our patience and philosophy and faith to the test1 and ,i must own that ,i have been for some weeks about as uncomfortable as mortal damsel could be4 ,everything went wrong with ,mr4 ,persico1 and his gloom extended to all of us4 ,i never spent such melancholy weeks in my life1 and became so homesick that ,i could hardly drag myself into school4 ,in the midst of it1 however1 ,i made fun for the rest1 as ,i believe ,i should do in a dungeon2 and now it is all over1 ,i look back and laugh still4 ,we had a black wedding--a very black one--in my schoolroom the other night2 our cook having decided to take to herself a lord and master4 ,it was the funniest affair ,i ever saw4 ,such comical dresses6 such heaps of cake1 wine1 coffee1 and candy6 such kissings and huggings6 ,the man who performed the ceremony prayed that they might obey each other1 wherein ,i think he showed his originality and good sense1 too4 ,then he held a book upside down and pretended to read1 dear knows what6 but the ,professor--that is to say1 ,mrs4 ,p4--laughed so loud when he said1 ,will you take this wo-man to be your wedded husband that we all joined in full chorus1 whereupon the poor priest 7who was only the sexton of ,st4 ,james'7 was so confused that he married them over twice4 ,i never saw a couple in their station in life provided with a tenth part of the luxuries with which they abounded4 ,we worked all day ,saturday in the kitchen1 making and icing cake for them1 and a nice frolic we had of it1 too4 ,do you love babies8 ,we have a black one in the lot whom ,i pet for want of something on which to expend my love4 ,when ,i find anything that will interest the whole family1 ,i read it aloud for general edification4 ,the girls persuaded me into writing a story to read to them1 and locked me into my room till it was done4 ,it was the first love-story ,i ever wrote1 for hitherto ,i have not known enough about such things to be able to do it4 ,this reminds me that you asked if ,i intend forgetting you after ,i am married4 ,i have no sort of idea what ,i shall do1 provided ,i ever marry4 ,but if ,i ever fall in love ,i dare say ,i shall do it so madly and absorbingly as to become1 in a measure and for a season1 forgetful of everything and everybody else4 ,still1 though ,i hate professions1 ,i don't see how ,i can ever cease to love you1 whatever else ,i forget or neglect4 ,there is a restlessness in my affection for you that ,i don't understand--a half wish to avoid enjoyment now1 that ,i may in some future time share it with you4 ,and yet ,i have a presentiment that we may have sympathy in trials of which ,i now know nothing4 ,i am ashamed of myself1 of late1 that these subjects of love and matrimony find a place in my thoughts which ,i never have been in the habit of giving them1 but people here talk of little else and ,i am borne on with the current4 ,i think that to give happiness in married life a woman should possess oceans of self-sacrificing love and ,i1 for one1 haven't half of that self-forgetting spirit which ,i think essential4 ,i am glad you like the ,christian ,year1 and ,i see you are quite an ,episcopalian4 ,well1 if you are like the good old ,english divines1 nobody can find fault with your choice4 ,mr4 ,persico was brought up a ,catholic but professes to be a nothingarian now4 ,for myself1 this only ,i know that ,i earnestly wish all the tendencies of my heart to be heavenward1 and ,i believe that the sincere inquirer after truth will be guided by the ,infinite ,mind4 ,and so on that faith ,i venture myself and feel safe as a child may feel1 who holds his father's hand4 ,life seems full of mysteries to me of late--and ,i am tempted to strange thoughtfulness in the midst of its gayest scenes4 ,how true was the presentiment described in this letter1 will appear in her correspondence with the same friend more than a quarter of a century later4 ,to ,anna ,s4 ,prentiss1 ,richmond1 ,june #a1 #ahdc ,i believe you and ,i were intended to know each other better ,i have found a certain something in you that ,i have been wanting all my life4 ,while ,i wish you to know me just as ,i am1 faults and all1 ,i can t bear to think of ever seeing anything but the good and the beautiful in your character1 dear ,anna1 and ,i believe my heart would break outright should ,i find you to be otherwise than just that which ,i imagine you are4 ,i don't know why ,i am saying this2 but ,i have learned more of the world during the last year than in any previous half dozen of my life1 and the result is dissatisfaction and alarm at the things ,i see about me4 ,i wish ,i could always live1 as ,i have hitherto done1 under the shelter of my mother's wing4444 ,i ought to ask your pardon for writing in this horrid style1 but ,i was born to do things by steam1 ,i believe1 and can't do them moderately4 ,as ,i write to1 so ,i love you1 dear ,anna1 with all my interests and energies tending to that one point4 ,i was amused the other day with a young lady who came and sat on my bed when ,i was sick 7for ,i am just getting well from a quite serious illness71 and after some half dozen sighs1 wished she were ,anna ,prentiss that she might be loved as intensely as she desired4 ,this is a roundabout way of saying how very dear you are to me4 ,what chatter-boxes girls are6 ,i wonder how many times ,i've stopped to say ,my dear1 don't talk so much--for ,i am writing in school4 ,june #bgth--,mr4 ---- brought ,the ,home to me and ,i have laughed and cried over it to my heart's content4 ,out of pure self-love1 because they said she was like me1 ,i liked poor ,petra with the big nose1 best of the bunch--though1 to be sure1 they liken me to somebody or other in every book we read till ,i begin to think myself quite a bundle of contradictions4 ,i have a thousand and one things to say to you1 but ,i wonder if as soon as ,i see you ,i shall straightway turn into a poker1 and play the stiffy1 as ,i always do when ,i have been separated from my friends4 ,i am writing in a little bit of a den which1 by a new arrangement1 ,i have all to myself4 ,what if there's no table here and ,i have to write upon the bureau1 sitting on one foot in a chair and stretching upwards to reach my paper like a monkey8 ,what do ,i care8 ,i am writing to you1 and your spirit1 invoked when ,i took possession of the premises1 comes here sometimes just between daylight and dark1 and talks to me till ,i am ready to put forth my hand to find yours4 ,oh6 ,anna1 you must be everything that is pure and good1 through to the very depths of your heart1 that mine may not ache in finding it has loved only an imaginary being4 ,not that ,i expect you to be perfect--for ,i shouldn't love you if you were immaculate--but pure in aim and intention and desire1 which ,i believe you to be4 #bith4--,do you want to know what mischief ,i've just been at8 ,there lay poor ,miss ----1 alias ,weaky as we call her1 taking her siesta in the most innocent manner imaginable1 with a babe-in-the-wood kind of air1 which proved so highly attractive that ,i could do no less than pick her up in my arms and pop her 7,i don't know but it was head first71 right into the bathing-tub which happened to be filled with fresh cold water4 ,poor1 good little ,weaky6 ,there she sits shaking and shivering and laughing with such perfect sweet humor1 that ,i am positively taking a vow never to do so again4 ,well1 ,i had something quite sentimental to say to you when ,i began writing1 but as the spirit moved me to the above perpetration of nonsense1 ,i've nothing left in me but fun1 and for that you've no relish1 have you8 ,i made out to cry yesterday and thereby have so refreshed my soul as to be in the best possible humor just now4 ,the why and wherefore of my tears1 which by the way ,i don't shed once in an age1 was briefly the withdrawal from school of one of my scholars1 one who had so attached herself to me as to have become almost a part of myself1 and whom ,i had taught to love you1 dear ,anna1 that ,i might have the exquisite satisfaction of talking about you every day--a sort of sweet interlude between grammar and arithmetic which made the dull hours of school grow harmonious4 ,she had a presentiment that her life was to close with our school session1 from which ,i couldn't move her even when her health was good1 and she says that she prays every day1 not that her life may be lengthened1 but that she may die before ,i am gone4 ,i am superstitious enough to feel that the prayer may have its answer1 now that ,i see her drooping and fading away without perceptible disease4 ,the only time ,i ever witnessed the rite of confirmation was when the hands of the good bishop rested upon her head1 and no wonder if ,i have half taken up arms in defense of this laying-on of hands1 out of the abundance of my heart if not from the wisdom of my head4 ,well1 ,i've lost my mirthful mood1 speaking of her1 and don't know when it will come again4 ,i have taken it into my head that you will visit ,niagara on your way home from the ,south and have half a mind to go there myself4 ,did your brother bring home the poems of ,r4 ,m4 ,milnes8 ,i half hope that he did not1 since ,i want to see you enjoy them for the first time1 particularly a certain ,household ,brownie story1 with which ,i fell in love when ,president ,woods sent us the volume4 ,here follow a few entries in her diary3 ,may #a4---;,holiday4 ,into the country all of us1 white1 black1 and gray4 ,sue ,empie devoted herself to me like a lover and so did ,sue ,lewis1 so ,i was not at a loss for society4 ,my girls made a bower1 wherein ,i was ensconced and obliged to tell stories to about forty listeners till my tongue ached4 ,july #ahth4--,left ,richmond4 ,aug4 #bnd4--,left ,reading for ,philadelphia4 #eth4--,williamstown and saw mother1 sister and baby4 #afth4--,president ,hopkins' splendid address before the ,alumni--also that of ,dr4 ,robbins4 #ahth4--,left ,williamstown and reached ,nonantum ,house at night4 ,saw ,aunt ,willis1 ,julia1 ,sarah1 ,ellen1 etc4 #bbnd4--,came home1 oh so very happy6 ,dear1 good home6 #bcrd4--,callers all day1 the second of whom was ,mr4 ,p4 ,there have been nineteen people here and ,i'm tired6 #beth4--,what didn't ,i hear from ,anna ,p4 to-day6 #cast4--,rode with ,anna ,p4 to ,saccarappa to see ,rev4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,h4 ,b4 ,smith--took tea at the ,p4s and went with them to the ,preparatory ,lecture4 ,i do nothing but go about from place to place4 ,sept4 #ast4--,just as cold as cold could be all day4 ,spent evening at ,mrs4 ,b4's1 talking with ,neal ,dow4 #ith4--,cold and blowy and disagreeable4 ,went to see ,carrie ,h4 ,came home and found ,mr4 ,p4 here2 he stayed to tea--read us some interesting things--told us about ,mary and ,william ,howitt4 #ajth4--,our church was re-opened to-day4 ,mr4 ,dwight preached in the morning and ,mr4 ,chickering in the afternoon4 ,september #aath she marked with a white stone and kept ever after as one of the chief festal days of her life1 but of the reason why there is here no record4 ,the diary for the rest of the year is blank with the exception of a single leaf which contains these sentences3 ,celle qui a besoin d'admirer ce qu'elle aime1 celle1 don't le jugement est pntrant1 bien que son imagination exalte1 il n'y a pour elle qu'un objet dans l'univers4 ,celui qu'on aime1 est le vengeur des fautes qu'on a commis sur cette terre2 la ,divinit lui prte son pouvoir4 ,,mad4 ,,de ,,stael4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,her ,views of ,love and ,courtship4 ,visit of her ,sister and ,child4 ,letters4 ,sickness and ,death of ,friends4 ,ill-,health4 ,undergoes a ,surgical ,operation4 ,her ,fortitude4 ,study of ,german4 ,fenelon4 ,the records of the next year and a half are very abundant1 in the form of notes1 letters1 verses and journals2 but they are mostly of too private a character to furnish materials for this narrative1 belonging to what she called the deep story of my heart4 ,they breathe the sweetness and sparkle with the morning dew of the affections2 and while some of them are full of fun and playful humor1 others glow with all the impassioned earnestness of her nature1 and others still with deep religious feeling4 ,she wrote3 ,my heart seems to me somewhat like a very full church at the close of the services--the great congregation of my affections trying to find their way out and crowding and hindering each other in the general rush for the door4 ,don't you see them--the young ones scampering first down the aisle1 and the old and grave and stately ones coming with proud dignity after them8444 ,i feel now that dans les mystres de notre nature aimer1 encore aimer1 est ce qui nous est rest de notre heritage cleste1 and oh1 how ,i thank ,god for my blessed portion of this celestial endowment6 ,love in a word was to her1 after religion1 the holiest and most wonderful reality of life2 and in the presence of its mysteries she was--to use her own comparison--like a child standing upon the seashore1 watching for the onward rush of the waves1 venturing himself close to the water's edge1 holding his breath and wooing their approach1 and then1 as they come dashing in1 retreating with laughter and mock fear1 only to return to tempt them anew4 ,her only solicitude was lest the new interest should draw her heart away from ,him who had been its chief joy4 ,in a letter to her cousin1 she touches on this point3 ,you know how by circumstances my affections have been repressed1 and now1 having found liberty to love1 ,i am tempted to seek my heaven in so loving4 ,but1 my dear cousin1 there is nothing worth having apart from ,god2 ,i feel this every day more and more and the fear of satisfying myself with something short of ,him--this is my only anxiety4 ,this drives me to the throne of ,his grace and makes me refuse to be left one moment to myself4 ,i believe ,i desire first of all to love ,god supremely and to do something for ,him1 if ,he spares my life4 ,early in ,december her sister1 ,mrs4 ,hopkins1 with an infant boy1 came to ,portland and passed a part of the winter under the maternal roof4 ,the arrival of this boy--her mother's first grandchild--was an event in the family history4 ,here is her own picture of the scene3 ,it was a cold evening1 and grandmamma1 who had been sitting by the fire1 knitting and reading1 had at last let her book fall from her lap1 and had dropped to sleep in her chair4 ,the four uncles sat around the table1 two of them playing chess1 and two looking on1 while ,aunt ,fanny1 with her cat on her knees1 studied ,german a little1 looked at the clock very often1 and started at every noise4 ,i have said1 all along1 that they wouldn't come1 she cried at last4 ,the clock has just struck nine1 and ,i am not going to expect them any longer4 ,i knew ,herbert would not let ,laura undertake such a journey in the depth of winter2 or1 at any rate1 that ,laura's courage would tail at the last moment4 ,she had hardly uttered these words1 when there was a ring at the doorbell1 then a stamping of feet on the mat1 to shake off the snow1 and in they ,came1 ,lou1 and ,lou's papa1 and ,lou's mamma1 bringing ever so much fresh1 cold air with them4 ,grandmamma woke up1 and rose to meet them with steps as lively as if she were a young girl2 ,aunt ,fanny tossed the cat from her lap1 and seized the bundle that held the baby2 the four uncles crowded about her1 eager to get the first peep at the little wonder4 ,there was such a laughing1 and such a tumult1 that poor ,lou1 coming out of the dark night into the bright room1 and seeing so many strange faces1 did not know what to think4 ,when his cloaks and shawls and capes were at last pulled off by his auntie's eager hands1 there came into view a serious little face1 a pair of bright eyes1 and a head as smooth as ivory1 on which there was not a single hair4 ,his sleeves were looped up with corals1 and showed his plump white arms1 and he sat up very straight1 and took a good look at everybody4 ,what a perfect little beauty6 ,what splendid eyes6 ,what a lovely skin6 ,he's the perfect image of his father6 ,he's exactly like his mother6 ,what a dear little nose6 ,what fat little hands1 full of dimples6 ,let me take him6 ,come to his own grandmamma6 ,let his uncle toss him--so he will6 ,what does he eat8 ,is he tired8 ,now1 ,fanny6 you've had him ever since he came2 he wants to come to me2 ,i know he does6 ,these1 and nobody knows how many more exclamations of the sort1 greeted the ears of the little stranger1 and were received by him with unruffled gravity4 ,aunt ,fanny devoted herself during the following weeks to the care of her little nephew4 ,her letters written at the time--some of them with him in her arms--are full of his pretty ways2 and when1 more than a score of years later1 he had given his young life to his country and was sleeping in a soldier's grave1 his sayings and doings formed the subject of one of her most attractive juvenile books4 ,a few extracts from her letters will give glimpses of her state of mind during this winter1 and show also how the thoughtful spirit1 which from the first tempered the excitements of her new experience1 was deepened by the loss of very dear friends4 ,,portland1 ,december #i1 #ahdc4 ,last evening ,i spent at ,mrs4 ,h4----'s with ,abby and a crowd of other people4 ,john ,neal told me ,i had a great bump of love of approbation1 and conscientiousness very large1 and self-esteem hardly any2 and that he hoped whoever had most influence over me would remedy that evil4 ,he then went on to pay me the most extravagant compliments1 and said ,i could become distinguished in any way ,i pleased4 ,thinks ,i to myself1 ,i should like to be the best little wife in the world1 and that's the height of my ambition4 ,don't imagine now that ,i believe all he says1 for he has been saying just such things to me since ,i was a dozen years old1 and ,i don't see as ,i am any great things yet4 ,do you8 ,jan4 #c;d1 #ahdd4--,sister is still here and will stay with us a month or two yet4 ,her husband has gone home to preach and pray himself into contentment without her4 ,though he was here only a week1 his quiet ,christian excellence made us all long to grow better4 ,it is always the case when he comes1 though he rather lives than talks his religion4 ,i never saw1 as far as piety is concerned1 a more perfect specimen of a man in his every-day life4 ,do you pray for me every night and every morning8 ,don't forget how ,i comfort myself with thinking that you every day ask for me those graces of the ,spirit which ,i so long for4 ,indeed1 ,i have had lately such heavenward yearnings6444 ,why do you ask if ,i pray for you1 as if ,i could love you and help praying for you continually and always4 ,i have no light sense of the holiness a ,christian minister should possess4 ,i half wish there were no veil upon my heart on this point1 that you might see how1 from the very first hour of your return from abroad1 my interest in you went hand-in-hand with this looking upward4 ,jan4 #bb;d4--,we have all been saddened by the repeated trials with which our friends the ,willises are visited this winter4 ,mrs4 ,willis is still very ill1 and there is no hope of her recovery2 and ,ellen1 the pet of the whole household--the always happy1 loving1 beautiful young thing--who had been full of delight in the hope of becoming a mother1 lies now at the point of death2 having lost her infant1 and with it her bright anticipations4 ,for fourteen years there had not been a physician in their house1 and you may imagine how they are all now taken1 as it were1 by surprise by the first break death has threatened to make in their peculiarly happy circle4 ,our love for all the family has grown with our growth and strengthened with our strength1 and what touches them we all feel4 ,feb4 #hth4--,how is it that people who have no refuge in ,god live through the loss of those they love8 ,i am very sad this morning1 and almost wish ,i had never loved you or anybody4 ,last night we heard of the death of ,julia ,willis' sister1 and this morning learn that a dear little girl in whom we all were much interested1 and whom ,i saw on ,saturday only slightly unwell1 is taken away from her parents1 who have no manner of consolation in losing this only child4 ,there is a great cloud throughout our house1 and we hardly know what to do with ourselves4 ,when ,i met mother and sister yesterday on my return from your house1 ,i saw that something was the matter of which they hesitated to tell me2 and of whom should ,i naturally think but of you--you in whom my life is bound up2 and1 when mother finally came to put her arms around me1 ,i suffered for the moment that intensity of anguish which ,i should feel in knowing that something dreadful had befallen you4 ,she told me1 however1 of poor ,ellen's death1 and ,i was so lost in recovering you again that ,i cared for nothing else all the evening1 and until this morning had scarcely thought of the aching1 aching hearts she has left behind4 ,her poor young husband1 who loved her so tenderly1 is half-distracted4 ,oh1 ,i have blessed ,god to-day that until ,he had given me a sure and certain hold upon ,himself1 ,he had not suffered me to love as ,i love now6 ,it is a mystery which ,i can not understand1 how the heart can live on through the moment which rends it asunder from that of which it has become a part1 except by hiding itself in ,god4 ,i have felt ,ellen's death the more1 because she and her husband were associated in my mind with you4 ,i hardly know how or why2 but she told me much of the history of her heart when ,i saw her last summer on my way home from ,richmond1 at the same time that she spoke much of you4 ,she had seen you at our house before you went abroad1 and seemed to have a sort of presentiment that we should love each other4 ,but ,i ought to beg you to forgive me for sending you this gloomy page2 yet ,i was restless and wanted to tell you the thoughts that have been in my heart towards you to-day--the serious and saddened love with which ,i love you1 when ,i think of you as one whom ,god may take from me at any moment4 ,i do not know that it is unwise to look this truth in the face sometimes--for if ever there was heart tempted to idolatry1 to giving itself up fully1 utterly1 with perfect abandonment of every other hope and interest1 to an earthly love1 so is mine tempted now4 ,feb4 #acth4--,mother is going to ,boston with sister on ,saturday1 provided ,i am well enough 7which ,i mean to be71 as ,mrs4 ,willis has expressed a strong wish to see her once more4 ,we heard from them yesterday again4 ,poor ,ellen's coffin was placed just where she stood as a bride1 less than eight months ago1 and her little infant rested on her breast4 ,there is rarely a death so universally mourned as hers2 she was the most winning and attractive young creature ,i ever saw4 ,feb4 #bast4--,are you in earnest8 ,are you in earnest8 ,are you really coming home in ,march8 ,i am afraid to believe1 afraid to doubt it4 ,i am crying and laughing and writing all at once4 ,you would not tell me so unless you really were coming1 ,i know 444 ,and you are coming home6 7,how madly my heart is beating6 lie still1 will you87 ,i almost feel that you are here and that you look over my shoulder and read while ,i write4 ,are you sure that you will come8 ,oh1 don't repent and send me another letter to say that you will wait till it is pleasanter weather2 it is pleasant now4 ,i walked out this morning1 and the air was a spring air1 and gentlemen go through the streets with their cloaks hanging over their arms1 and there is a constant plashing against the windows1 of water dripping down from the melting snow2 yes1 ,i verily believe that it is warm1 and that the birds will sing soon--,i do1 upon my word 444 ,i wouldn't have the doctor come and feel my pulse this afternoon for anything4 ,he would prescribe fever powders or fever drops1 or something of the sort1 and bleed me and send me to bed1 or to the insane hospital2 ,i don't know which4 ,i could cry1 sing1 dance1 laugh1 all at once4 ,oh1 that ,i knew exactly when you will be here--the day1 the hour1 the minute1 that ,i might know to just what point to govern my impatient heart--for it would be a pity to punish the poor little thing too severely4 ,i have been reading to-day something which delighted me very much2 do you remember a little poem of ,goethe's1 in which an imprisoned count sings about the flower he loves best1 and the rose1 the lily1 the pink1 and the violet1 each in turn fancy themselves the objects of his love4 #e ,you see ,i put you in the place of the prisoner at the outset1 and ,i was to be the flower of his love1 whatever it might be4 ,well1 it was the ,forget-me-not4 ,if there were a flower called the ,always-loving1 maybe ,i might find out to what order and class ,i belong4 ,dear me2 there's the old clock striking twelve1 and ,i verily meant to go to bed at ten1 so as to sleep away as much of the time as possible before your coming1 but ,i fell into a fit of loving meditation1 and forgot everything else4 ,you should have seen me pour out tea to-night6 ,why1 the first thing ,i knew1 ,i had poured it all out into my own cup till it ran over1 and half filled the waiter1 which is the first time ,i ever did such a ridiculous thing in my life4 ,but1 dearest1 ,i bid you good night1 praying you may have sweet dreams and an inward prompting to write me a long1 long1 blessed letter1 such as shall make me dance about the house and sing4 ,feb4 #bb;d4--,oh1 ,i am frightened at myself1 ,i am so happy6 ,it seems as if even this whole folio would not in the least convey to you the gladness with which my heart is dancing and singing and making merry4 ,the doctor seems quite satisfied with my shoulder1 and says it's first-rate2 so set your heart at rest on that point4 ,i hope there'll be nobody within two miles of our meeting4 ,suppose you stop in some out of the way place just out of town1 and let me trot out there to see you8 ,oh1 are you really coming8 ,to ,g1 ,e4 ,s4 ,march #d1 #ahdd4 ,i must write a few lines to tell you1 my dear cousin1 that ,i am thinking of and praying for you on your birthday4 ,i have but one request to offer either for you or for myself1 and that is for more love to our ,redeemer4 ,i bless ,god that ,i have no other want4444 ,i do not know why it is1 but ,i never have thought so much of death and of the certainty that ,i1 sooner or later1 must die1 as within a few months past4 ,i am not exactly superstitious1 but this daily and hourly half-presentiment that my life will not be a long one1 is singularly subduing1 and seems to lay a restraining hand upon future plans4 ,i am not sorry1 whatever may be the event1 that it is so4 ,i dread clinging to this world and seeking my rest in it4 ,i am not afraid to die1 or afraid that anything ,i love may be taken from me2 ,i only have this serious and thoughtful sense of death upon my mind4 ,you know how we have loved the ,willis family1 and can imagine how we felt the death of their youngest daughter1 who was dear to everybody4 ,and ,mrs4 ,willis is1 probably1 not living4 ,this has added to my previous feeling on the subject1 which was1 perhaps1 first occasioned by the sudden and terrible loss of my poor friend1 ,mr4 ,thatcher1 a year ago this month4 #f ,god forbid ,i should ever forget the lessons ,he saw ,i needed1 and dare to feel that there is a thing upon earth which death may not touch4 ,oh1 in how many ways ,he has sought to win my whole heart for ,his own6 ,march #bb;d4--,i was interrupted last night by the arrival of ,g4 ,l4 ,p41 after his four months' absence in ,mississippi1 improved in health1 and in looks1 and in spirits1 and quite as glad to see me1 ,i believe1 as even you1 in your goodness of heart1 say my lover ought to be4 ,but ,i will tell you the truth1 my dear cousin1 ,i am afraid of love4 ,there is no other medium1 save that of the happiness of loving and being loved1 by which my affections could be effectually turned from divine to earthly things4 ,am ,i not then on dangerous ground8 ,yet ,god mercifully shows me that it is so1 and when ,i think how ,he has saved me hitherto through sharp temptations1 it seems wicked1 distrust of ,him1 not to feel that ,he will save me through those to come4 ,i know now there are some of the great lessons of life yet to be learned2 ,i believe ,i must suffer as long as ,i have an earthly existence4 ,will not then ,god make that suffering but as a blessed reprover to bring me nearer ,himself8 ,i hope so4 ,during the winter her health had become so much impaired1 that great anxiety was felt as to the issue4 ,in a letter to her friend1 ,miss ,ellen ,thurston1 dated ,april #bj1 #ahdd1 she writes3 ,you remember1 perhaps1 that on the afternoon you were so good as to come and spend with me1 ,i was making a fuss about a little thing on my shoulder4 ,well1 ,i had at last to have it removed1 and though the operation was not in itself very painful1 its effects on my whole nervous system have been most powerful4 ,i have lost all regular habits of sleep--for a week ,i do not know that ,i slept two hours--and am ready to fly into a fit at the bare thought of sitting still long enough to write a common letter4 ,i have1 however1 the consolation of being pitied and consoled with1 as there's something in the idea of cutting at the flesh which touches the heart1 a thousand times more than some severer sufferings would do4 ,i am getting quite thin and weak upon it1 and ,i believe mother firmly expects me to shrink into nothing1 though ,i am a pretty bouncing girl still4 ,owing to some mishap the healing process was entirely thwarted1 and after a very trying summer1 the operation had to be repeated4 ,this time it was performed by that eminent surgeon and admirable ,christian man1 ,dr4 ,john ,c4 ,warren of ,boston1 assisted by his son1 ,dr4 ,j4 ,m4 ,w4 ,dr4 ,warren told ,miss ,payson's friend1 who had accompanied an invalid sister to ,new ,york1 that he thought it would require about five minutes2 but it proved to be much more serious than he had anticipated4 ,miss ,willis1 in her letter from ,geneva already quoted1 thus refers to it3 ,my next meeting with ,lizzy revealed a striking trait of her character1 which hitherto ,i had had no opportunity of observing--her wonderful fortitude under suffering4 ,i was at the seashore with my sister and family when1 her little child being taken suddenly very ill in the night1 ,i went up to ,boston by an early train to bring down as soon as possible our family physician4 ,on arriving at his house ,i was disappointed at being told that he could not come at once1 being engaged to perform an operation that morning4 ,while waiting for the return train1 ,i called at my father's office and was surprised to hear that ,lizzy was the patient4 ,a painful tumor had developed itself on the back of her neck1 and she had come up with her mother to ,boston to consult ,dr4 ,warren1 who had advised its immediate removal4 ,i went at once to see her4 ,she greeted me with even more than her usual warmth and after stating in a few words the object of her coming to ,boston and that she was expecting the doctors every moment1 she added3 ,you will stay with me1 ,i am sure4 ,mother insists on being present1 but she can not bear it4 ,she will be sure to faint4 ,if you will promise to stay1 ,i can persuade her to remain in the next room4 ,seeing the distress in my face at the request1 she said1 ,i will be very good4 ,you will have nothing to do but sit in the room1 to satisfy mother4 ,it was impossible to refuse and ,i remained4 ,there was no chloroform then to give blessed unconsciousness of suffering and every pang had to be endured1 but she more than kept her promise to be good4 ,not a sound or a movement betrayed suffering4 ,she spoke only once4 ,after the knife was laid aside and the threaded needle was passed through the quivering flesh to draw the gaping edges of the wound together1 she asked1 after the first stitch had been completed1 in a low1 almost calm tone1 with only a slight tremulousness1 how many more were to be taken4 ,when the operation was over1 and the surgeons were preparing to depart1 she questioned them minutely as to the mark which would be left after healing4 ,i was surprised that she could think of it at such a moment1 knowing how little value she had always set on her personal appearance1 but her mother explained it afterward by referring to her betrothal to you1 and the fear that you would find the scar disfiguring4 #g ,in a letter to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 #h she herself writes1 ,sept4 #f3 ,i had no idea of the suffering which awaited me4 ,i thought ,i should get off as ,i did the first time4 ,but ,i have a great deal to be thankful for4 ,on ,wednesday1 to my infinite surprise and gladness1 ,george pounced down upon me from ,new ,york1 having been quite cut to the heart by the account mother gave him4 ,everybody is so kind1 and ,i have had so many letters1 and seen so many sympathising faces1 and dear ,lizzy sounds so sweet to my insatiable ears2 and yet--and yet--,i would rather die than live through the forty-eight hours again which began on ,monday morning4 ,somebody must have prayed for me1 or ,i never should have got through4 ,an extract from another of her letters1 dated ,portland1 ,september #aath1 belongs here3 ,i must tell you1 too1 about ,dr4 ,warren 7the old one74 ,when mother asked him concerning the amount he was to receive from her for his professional services1 he smiled and said3 ,i shall not charge you much1 and as for ,miss ,payson1 when she is married and rich1 she may pay me and welcome--but not till then4 ,i told him ,i never expected to be rich1 and he replied1 with what mother thought an air of contentment that said he knew all about it3 ,well1 we can be happy without riches1 and such a good1 happy smile shone all over his face as ,i have seldom been so fortunate as to see in an old man4 ,as for the young one1 he seemed as glad when ,i was dressed on ,sunday with a clean frock and no shawl1 as if it were really a matter of consequence to him to see his patients looking comfortable and well4 ,i am getting along finely2 there is only one spot on my shoulder which is troublesome1 and they ordered me on a very strict diet for that--so ,i am half-starved this blessed minute4 ,we went to ,newburyport on ,monday1 and stayed there with ,anna till yesterday afternoon4 ,i think the motion of the cars hurt me somewhat1 but by the time you get here ,i do hope ,i shall be quite well4 ,evening4-- 444 ,i have had such happy thoughts and prayers to-night6 ,you should certainly have knelt with me in my little room1 where1 for the first time a year ago this evening1 ,i asked ,god to bless us2 and you too1 perhaps1 then began first to pray for me4 ,oh1 what a wonderful time it was6444 ,i hope you have prayed for me to-day--,i don't mean as you always do1 but with new prayers wherewith to begin the new year4 ,god bless you and love you6 ,but this period was also one of large mental growth4 ,it was marked especially by two events that had a shaping influence upon both her intellectual and religious character4 ,one was the study of ,german4 ,she was acquainted already with ,french and ,italian2 she now devoted her leisure hours to the language and works of ,schiller and ,goethe4 ,these opened to her a new world of thought and beauty4 ,her correspondence contains frequent allusions to the progress of her ,german reading4 ,here is one in a letter to her cousin3 ,i have read ,george ,herbert a good deal this winter4 ,i have also read several of ,schiller's plays--,william ,tell and ,don ,carlos among the rest--and got a great deal more excited over them than ,i have over anything for a long while4 ,george has a large ,german library1 but ,i don't suppose ,i shall be much the wiser for it1 unless ,i turn to studying theology4 ,did you read in ,goethe's ,wilhelm ,meister1 the ,bekenntnisse einer schnen ,seele8 ,i do think it did my soul good when ,i read it last ,july4 ,the account she gives of her religious history reminded me of mine in some points very strongly4 ,the other incident was her introduction to the writings of ,fenelon--an author whom1 in later years1 she came to regard as an oracle of spiritual wisdom4 ,in the letter just quoted1 she writes3 ,i am reading ,fenelon's ',maximes des ,saints1' and many of his ideas please me exceedingly4 ,some of his ',lettres ,spirituelles' are delicious--so heavenly1 so child-like in their spirit4 #i #a ,jan1 #a1 #ahde4--;,i used never to confide my religious feelings to any one in the world4 ,i went on my toilsome1 comfortless way quite by myself4 ,but when at the end of this long1 gloomy way1 ,i saw and knew and rejoiced in ,christ1 then ,i forgot myself and my pride and my reserve1 and was glad if a little child would hear me say ,i love ,him6--glad if the most ignorant1 the most hitherto despised1 would speak of ,him4 #b ,later she writes3 ,i have had a long talk with sister to-day about ,leighton4 ,she claims him1 as all the ,perfectionists do1 as one of their number2 though1 by the way1 in the common acceptation of the word1 she is not a ,perfectionist herself1 but only on the boundary-line of the enchanted ground4 ,i am completely puzzled when ,i think on such subjects4 ,i doubt if sister is right1 yet know not where she is wrong4 ,she does not obtrude her peculiar opinions on any one1 and ,i began the conversation this afternoon myself4 #c ,oh1 what a blessed thing it is to lose one's will6 ,since ,i have lost my will ,i have found happiness4 ,there can be no such thing as disappointment to me1 for ,i have no desires but that ,god's will may be accomplished4 ,christians might avoid much trouble if they would only believe what they profess1 viz43 that ,god is able to make them happy without anything but ,himself4 ,they imagine that if such a dear friend were to die1 or such and such blessings to be removed1 they should be miserable2 whereas ,god can make them a thousand times happier without them4 ,to mention my own case3 ,god has been depriving me of one blessing after another2 but as every one was removed1 ,he has come in and filled up its place2 and now1 when ,i am a cripple and not able to move1 ,i am happier than ever ,i was in my life before or ever expected to be2 and if ,i had believed this twenty years ago1 ,i might have been spared much anxiety4 #d ,the ,right ,rev4 ,john ,johns1 ,bishop of the ,protestant ,episcopal ,church of ,virginia1 was a man of apostolic simplicity and zeal1 and universally beloved4 ,an almost ideal friendship existed between him and ,dr4 ,charles ,hodge1 of ,princeton4 ,dear1 blessed1 old ,john1 ,dr4 ,h4 called him when he was seventy-nine years old4 ,see ,life of ,dr4 ,hodge1 pp4 #efd-efi4 ,bishop ,johns died in #ahgf4 #e ,das ,blmlein ,wunderschn4 ,lied des gefangenen ,grafen1 is the title of the poem4 ,goethe's ,samtliche ,werke4 ,vol4 ,i41 p4 #aea4 #f ,see appendix ,a1 p4 #ecc4 #g ,the horrible operation is over1 ,heaven be praised6 ,it was far more horrible than we had anticipated4 ,they were an hour and a quarter1 before all was done4 ,i was very brave at first and wouldn't leave the room1 but ,i found myself so faint that ,i feared falling and had to go4 ,lizzy behaved like a heroine indeed1 so that even the doctors admired her fortitude4 ,she never spoke1 but was deadly faint1 so that they were obliged to lay her down that the dreadful wound might bleed2 then there was an artery to be taken up and tied2 then six stitches to be taken with a great big needle4 ,most providentially dear ,julia ,willis came in about ten minutes before the doctors and though she was greatly distressed1 she never faints1 and staid till ,lizzy was laid in bed4444 ,she was just like a marble statue1 but even more beautiful1 while the blood stained her shoulders and bosom4 ,you couldn't have looked on such suffering without fainting1 man that you are4--,from a letter of ,mrs4 ,payson1 dated ,boston1 ,sept4 #b1 #ahdd4 #h ,her friend1 ,miss ,prentiss1 had been married1 in the previous autumn1 to the ,rev4 ,jonathan ,f4 ,stearns1 of ,newburyport4 #i ,explication des ,maximes des ,saints sur la ,vie ,intrieure is the full title of the famous little work first named4 ,it appeared in ,january1 #afig4 ,if measured by the storm it raised in ,france and at ,rome1 or by the attention it attracted throughout ,europe1 its publication may be said to have been one of the most important theological events of that day4 ,the eloquence of ,bossuet and the power of ,louis ,,xiv4 were together exerted to the utmost in order to brand its illustrious author as a heretical ,quietist2 and1 through their almost frantic efforts1 it was at last condemned in a papal brief4 ,but1 for all that1 the little work is full of the noblest ,christian sentiments4 ,it pushes the doctrine of pure love1 perhaps1 to a perilous extreme1 but still an extreme that leans to the side of the highest virtue4 ,after its condemnation the ,pope1 ,innocent ,,xii41 wrote to the ,french prelates1 who had been most prominent in denouncing ,fenelon3 ,peccavit excessu amoris divini1 sed vos peccastis defectu amoris proximi--i4e41 ,he has erred by too much love of ,god1 but ye have erred by too little love of your neighbor4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,young ,,wife ,,and ,,mother4 #ahde-ahej4 ,i4 ,marriage and ,settlement in ,new ,bedford4 ,reminiscences4 ,letters4 ,birth of her ,first ,child4 ,death of her ,sister-in-,law4 ,letters4 ,on the #afth of ,april1 #ahde1 ,miss ,payson was married to the ,rev4 ,george ,lewis ,prentiss1 then just ordained as pastor of the ,south ,trinitarian church in ,new ,bedford1 ,mass4 ,here she passed the next five and a half years2 years rendered memorable by precious friendships formed in them1 by the birth of two of her children1 by the death of her mother1 and by other deep joys and sorrows4 ,new ,bedford was then known1 the world over1 as the most important centre of the whale-fishery4 ,in quest of the leviathans of the deep its ships traversed all seas1 from the tumbling icebergs of the ,arctic ,ocean to the ,southern ,pacific4 ,but it was also known nearer home for the fine social qualities of its people4 ,many of the original settlers of the town were ,quakers1 and its character had been largely shaped by their friendly influence4 ,husbands and wives1 whether young or old1 called each other everywhere by their ,christian names1 and a charming simplicity marked the daily intercourse of life4 ,into this attractive society ,mrs4 ,prentiss was at once welcomed4 ,the ,arnold family in particular--a family representing alike the friendly spirit1 the refinement and taste1 the wealth1 and the generous hospitality of the place--here deserve mention4 ,their kindness was unwearied2 flowers and fruit came often from their splendid garden and greenhouses2 and1 in various other ways1 they contributed from the moment of her coming to render ,new ,bedford a pleasant home to her4 ,but it was in her husband's parish that she found her chief interest and joy4 ,his people at first welcomed her in the warmest manner on her sainted father's account1 but they soon learned to love her for her own sake4 ,she early began to manifest among them that wonderful sympathy1 which made her presence like sunshine in sick rooms and in the house of mourning1 and1 in later years1 endeared her through her writings to so many hearts4 ,while her natural shyness and reserve caused her to shrink from everything like publicity1 and even from that leadership in the more private activities of the church which properly belonged to her sex and station1 any kind of trouble instantly aroused and called into play all her energies4 ,the sickness and death of little children wrought upon her with singular power2 and1 in ministering aid and comfort to bereaved mothers1 she seemed like one specially anointed of the ,lord for this gentle office4 ,now1 after the lapse of more than a third of a century1 there are those in ,new ,bedford and its vicinity who bless her memory1 as they recall scenes of sharp affliction cheered by her presence and her loving sympathy4 ,the following reminiscences by one of her ,new ,bedford friends1 written not long after her death1 belong here3 ,oh1 that ,i had the pen of a ready writer6 ,how gladly would ,i depict her just as she came to ,new ,bedford1 a youthful bride and our pastor's wife1 more than a third of a century ago6 ,my remembrances of her are still fresh and delightful2 but they have been for so many years silent memories that ,i feel quite unable fully to express them4 ,and yet ,i will try to give you a few simple details4 ,several things strike me as ,i recall her in those days4 ,our early experiences in the struggle of life had been somewhat similar and this drew us near to each other4 ,she was naturally very shy and in the presence of strangers1 or of uncongenial persons1 her reserve was almost painful2 but with her friends--especially those of her own sex--all this vanished and she was full of animated talk4 ,her conversation abounded in bright1 pointed sayings1 in fine little touches of humor1 in amusing anecdotes and incidents of her own experience1 which she related with astonishing ease and fluency1 sometimes also in downright girlish fun and drollery2 and all was rendered doubly attractive by her low1 sweet woman's voice and her merry1 fitful laugh4 ,yet these things were but the sparkle of a very deep and serious nature4 ,even then her religious character was to me wonderful4 ,she seemed always to know just what was prompting her1 whether1 nature or grace2 and her perception of the workings of the two principles was like an instinct4 ,while ,i1 though cherishing a ,christian hope1 was still struggling in bondage under the law1 she appeared to enjoy to the full the glorious liberty of the children of ,god4 ,and when ,i would say to her that ,i was constantly doing that which ,i ought not and leaving undone so much that ,i ought to do1 she would try to comfort me and to encourage me to exercise more faith by responding1 ,oh1 you don't know what a great sinner ,i am2 but ,christ's love is greater still4 ,there was a helpful1 assuring1 sunshiny influence about her piety which ,i have rarely seen or felt in any other human being4 ,and almost daily1 during all the years of separation1 ,i have been conscious of this influence in my own life4 ,i remember her as very retiring in company1 even among our own people4 ,but if there were children present1 she would gather them about her and hold them spell-bound by her talk4 ,oh1 she was a marvellous storyteller6 ,how often have ,i seen her in the midst of a little group1 who1 all eyes and ears1 gazed into her face and eagerly swallowed every word1 while she1 intent on amusing them1 seemed quite unconscious that anybody else was in the room4 ,mr4 ,h---- used to say1 ,how ,i envy those children and wish ,i were one of them6 ,mrs4 ,prentiss received much attention from persons outside of our congregation1 and who1 from their position and wealth1 were pretty exclusive in their habits4 ,but they could not resist the attraction of her rare gifts and accomplishments4 ,new ,bedford at that time1 as you know1 had a good deal of intellectual and social culture4 ,this was particularly the case among the ,unitarians1 whose minister1 when you came to us1 was that excellent and very superior man1 the ,rev4 ,ephraim ,peabody1 ,d4,d41 afterwards of ,king's ,chapel in ,boston4 ,one of the leading families of his flock was the ,arnold family1 whose garden and grounds were then among the finest in the ,state and at whose house such men as ,richard ,h4 ,dana1 the poet1 the late ,professor ,agassiz1 and others eminent for their literary and scientific attainments1 were often to be seen4 ,this whole family were warmly attached to ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 and after you left ,new ,bedford1 often referred to their acquaintance with her in the most affectionate manner4 ,and ,i believe ,mr4 ,arnold and his daughter used to visit you in ,new ,york4 ,the father1 mother1 daughter1 and aunt are all gone4 ,and what a change have all these vanished years wrought in the ,south ,trinitarian society6 ,i can think of only six families then worshipping there1 that are worshipping there now4 ,but so long as a single one remains1 the memory of ,mrs4 ,prentiss will still be precious in the old church4 ,the story of the ,new ,bedford years may be told1 with slight additions here and there1 by ,mrs4 ,prentiss' own pen4 ,most of her letters to her own family are lost2 but the letters to her husband1 when occasionally separated from her1 and others to old friends1 have been preserved and afford an almost continuous narrative of this period4 ,a few extracts from some of those written in #ahde1 will show in what temper of mind she entered upon her new life4 ,the first is dated ,portland1 ,january both1 just after ,mr4 ,prentiss received the call to ,new ,bedford3 ,i have wished all along1 beyond anything else1 not so much that we might have a pleasant home1 pleasant scenery and circumstances1 good society and the like1 as that we might have good1 holy influences about us1 and ,god's grace and love within us4 ,and for you1 dear ,george1 ,i did not so much desire the intellectual and other attractions1 about which we have talked sometimes1 as a dwelling-place among those whom you might train heavenward or who would not be a hindrance in your journey thither4 ,through this whole affair ,i know ,i have thought infinitely more of you than of myself4 ,and if you are happy at the ,north ,pole shan't ,i be happy there too8 ,i shall be heartily thankful to see you a pastor with a people to love you4 ,only ,i shall be jealous of them4 ,to her friend1 ,miss ,thurston1 she writes from ,new ,bedford1 ,april #bhth3 ,i thank you with all my heart for your letter and for the very pretty gift1 which ,i suppose to be the work of your own hands4 ,i can not tell you how inexpressibly dear to me are all the expressions of affection ,i have received and am receiving from old friends4 ,we have been here ten days1 and very happy days they have been to me1 notwithstanding ,i have had to see so many strange faces and to talk to so many new people4 ,and both my sister and ,anna tell me that the first months of married life are succeeded by far happier ones still2 so ,i shall go on my way rejoicing4 ,as to what your brother says about disappointment1 nobody believes his doctrine better than ,i do2 but life is as full of blessings as it is of disappointments1 ,i conceive1 and if we only know how1 we may often1 out of mere will1 get the former instead of the latter4 ,i have had some experience of the conflict and dismay of this present evil world2 but then ,i have also had some of its smiles4 ,neither of these ever made me angry with this life1 or in love with it4 ,i believe ,i am pretty cool and philosophical1 but it won't do for me at this early day to be boasting of what is in me4 ,i shall have to wait till circumstances bring it out4 ,i can only answer for the past and the present--the one having been blessed and gladdened and the other being made happy and cheerful by lover and husband4 ,i'll tell you truly1 as ,i promised to do1 if my heart sings another tune on the #agth of ,april1 #ahdh4 ,i only hope ,i shall enter soberly and thankfully on my new life1 expecting sunshine and rain1 drought and plenty1 heat and cold--and adapting myself to alternations contentedly--but who knows8 ,we are boarding at a hotel1 which is not over pleasant4 ,however1 we have two good rooms and have home things about us4 ,i like to sit at work while ,mr4 ,prentiss writes his sermons and he likes to have me--so1 for the present1 a study can be dispensed with4 ,in a few weeks we hope to get to housekeeping4 ,i like ,new ,bedford very much4 ,to her husband she writes1 ,june #ah3 ,i can not help writing you again1 though ,i did send you a letter last night4 ,it is a very pleasant morning1 and ,i think of you all the time and love you with the happiest tears in my eyes4 ,i have just been making some nice crispy gingerbread to send ,mrs4 ,h----1 as she has no appetite1 and ,i thought anything from home would taste good to her4 ,i hope this will please you4 ,mother called with me to see her yesterday4 ,she looks very ill4 ,i have no idea she will ever get well4 ,we had a nice time at the garden last night4 ,mr4 and ,miss ,arnold came out and walked with us nearly an hour1 though tea was waiting for them1 and ,miss ,a4 was very particularly attentive to me 7for your dear sake671 and gave me flowers1 beautiful ones1 and spoke with much interest of your sermons4 ,oh1 ,i am ready to jump for joy1 when ,i think of seeing you home again4 ,do please be glad as ,i am4 ,i suppose your mother wants you too2 but then she can't love you as ,i do--,i'm sure she can't--with all the children among whom she has to divide her heart4 ,give my best love to her and ,abby4 ,how ,i wish ,i were in ,portland1 helping you pack your books4 ,but ,i can't write any more as we are going to ,mrs4 ,gibbs' to tea4 ,mother is reading ,hamlet in her room4 ,she is enjoying herself very much4 ,mrs4 ,gibbs1 whose name occurs in this letter1 was one of those inestimable friends1 who fulfill the office of mother1 as it were1 to the young minister's wife4 ,she was tenderly attached to ,mrs4 ,prentiss and her loving-kindness1 which was new every morning and fresh every evening1 ceased only with her life4 ,her husband1 the late ,capt4 ,robert ,gibbs1 was like her in unwearied devotion to both the pastor and the pastor's wife4 ,the summer was passed in getting settled in her new home1 and receiving visits from old friends4 ,early in the autumn she spent several weeks in ,portland4 ,after her return1 ,nov4 #b1 she writes to ,miss ,thurston3 ,i was in ,portland after you had left1 and got quite rested and recruited after my summer's fatigue1 so that ,i came home with health and strength1 if not to lay my hand to the plough1 to apply it to the broom-handle and other articles of domestic warfare4 ,just what ,i expected would befall me has happened4 ,i have got immersed in the whirlpool of petty cares and concerns which swallow up so many other and higher interests1 and talk as anxiously about good help and bad1 as the rest of 'em do4 ,i sometimes feel really ashamed of myself to see how virtuously ,i fancy ,i am spending my time1 if in the kitchen1 and how it seems to be wasted if ,i venture to take up a book4 ,i take it that wives who have no love and enthusiasm for their husbands are more to be pitied than blamed if they settle down into mere cooks and good managers4444 ,we have had right pleasant times since coming home2 never pleasanter than when1 for a day or two1 ,i was without help1 and my husband ground coffee and drew water for me1 and thought everything ,i made tasted good4 ,one of the deacons of our church--a very old man--prays for me once a week at meeting1 especially that my husband and ,i may be mutual comforts and enjoyments of each other1 which makes us laugh a little in our sleeves1 even while we say ,amen in our hearts4 ,we have been reading aloud ,mary ,howitt's ,author's ,daughter1 which is a very good story indeed--don't ask me if ,i have read anything else4 ,my mind has become a complete mummy1 and therefore incapable of either receiving or originating a new idea4 ,i did wade through a sea of words1 and nonsense on my way home in the shape of two works of ,prof4 ,wilson--,the ,foresters and ,margaret ,lindsay--which ,i fancy he wrote before he was out of his mother's arms or soon after leaving them4 ,the girls in ,portland are marrying off like all possessed4 ,it reminds me of a shovel full of popcorn1 which the more you watch it the more it won't pop1 till at last it all goes racketing off at once1 pop1 pop1 pop2 without your having time to say ,jack ,robinson between4 ,my position as wife of a minister secures for me many affectionate attentions1 and opens to me many little channels of happiness1 which conspire to make me feel contented and at home here4 ,i do not know how a stranger would find ,new ,bedford people1 but ,i am inclined to think society is hard to get into1 though its heart is warm when you once do get in4 ,we are very pleasantly situated1 and our married life has been abundantly blessed4 ,i doubt if we could fail to be contented anywhere if we had each other to love and care for4 ,we went to hear ,templeton sing last night4 ,i was perfectly charmed with his hunting song and with some others1 and better judges than ,i were equally delighted4 ,i had a letter from ,abby last week4 ,she is in ,vicksburg and in fine spirits1 and fast returning health4 ,her letters during #ahdf glow with the sunshine of domestic peace and joy4 ,in its earlier months her health was unusually good and she depicts her happiness as something wonderful4 ,all the day long her heart1 she says1 was running over with a love and delight she could not begin to express4 ,but her letters also show that already she was having foretastes of that baptism of suffering1 which was to fit her for doing her ,master's work4 ,in ,january she revisited ,portland1 where she had the pleasure of meeting ,prof1 and ,mrs4 ,hopkins with their little boy1 and of passing several weeks in the society of her own and her husband's family4 ,but ,portland had now lost for her much of its attraction4 ,i've seen all the folks1 she wrote1 and we've said about all we've got to say to each other1 and though ,i love to be at home1 of course1 it is not the home it used to be before you had made such another dear1 dear home for me4 ,oh1 do you miss me8 do you feel a little bit sorry you let me leave you8 ,do say1 yes4444 ,but ,i can't write1 ,i am so happy6 ,i am so glad ,i am going home6 ,early in ,december her first child was born4 ,writing a few weeks later to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 she thus refers to this event3 ,what a world of new sensations and emotions come with the first child6 ,i was quite unprepared for the rush of strange feelings--still more so for the saddening and chastening effect4 ,why should the world seem more than ever empty when one has just gained the treasure of a living and darling child8 ,the saddening effect in her own case was owing in part1 no doubt1 to anxiety occasioned by the fatal illness of her husband's eldest sister1 to whom she was tenderly attached4 ,the following letter was written under the pressure of this anxiety3 ,to ,miss ,thurston1 ,new ,bedford1 ,jan4 #ca1 #ahdg ,i dare say the idea of ,lizzy ,payson with a baby seems quite funny to you1 as it does to many of the ,portland girls2 but ,i assure you it doesn't seem in the least funny to me1 but as natural as life and ,i may add1 as wonderful1 almost4 ,she is a nice little plump creature1 with a fine head of dark hair which ,i take some comfort in brushing round a quill to make it curl1 and a pair of intelligent eyes1 either black or blue1 nobody knows which4 ,i find the care of her very wearing1 and have cried ever so many times from fatigue and anxiety1 but now ,i am getting a little better and she pays me for all ,i do4 ,she is a sweet1 good little thing1 her chief fault being a tendency to dissipation and sitting up late o' nights4 ,the ladies of our church have made her a beautiful little wardrobe1 fortunately for me4 ,i had a lot of company all summer2 my sister1 her husband and boy1 ,mr4 ,stearns and ,anna1 ,mother ,prentiss1 ,julia ,willis1 etc4 ,i had also my last visit from ,abby1 whom ,i little thought then ,i should never see again4 ,our happiness in our little one has been checked by our constant anxiety with regard to ,abby's health1 and it is very hard now for me to give up one who has become in every sense a sister1 and not even to have the privilege of bidding her farewell4 ,george went down about a week since and will remain till all is over4 ,i do not even know that while ,i write she is yet living4 ,she had only one wish remaining and that was to see ,george1 and she was quite herself the day of his arrival1 as also the day following1 and able to say all she desired4 ,since then she has been rather unconscious of what was passing1 and ,i fervently trust that by this time her sufferings are over and that she is where she longed and prayed to be4 #a ,you can have no idea how alike are the emotions occasioned by a birth and a death in the family4 ,they seem equally solemn to me and ,i am full of wonder at the mysterious new world into which ,i have been thrown4 ,i used to think that the change ,i saw in young1 giddy girls when they became mothers1 was owing to suffering and care wearing upon the spirits1 but ,i see now that its true source lies far deeper4 ,my brother ,h4 has been married a couple of months1 so ,i have one sister more4 ,i shall be glad when they are all married4 ,some sisters seem to feel that their brothers are lost to them on their marriage1 but if ,i may judge by my husband1 there is fully as much gain as loss4 ,i am sure no son or brother could be more devoted to mother and sisters than he is4 ,of course the baby is his perfect comfort and delight2 but ,i need not enlarge on this point1 as ,i suppose you have seen papas with their first babies4 ,a great sucking of a very small thumb admonishes me that the little lady in the crib meditates crying for supper1 so ,i must hurry off my letter4 ,abby ,lewis ,prentiss died on ,saturday1 ,january #cj1 #ahdg1 at the age of thirty-two4 ,long and wearisome sufferings1 such as usually attend pulmonary disease1 preceded the final struggle4 ,it was toward the close of a stormy winter's day1 that she gently fell asleep4 ,a little while before she had imagined herself in a very beautiful region which her tongue in vain attempted to describe1 surrounded by those she loved4 ,among her last half-conscious utterances was the name of her brother ,seargent4 ,the next morning witnessed a scene of such wondrous splendor and loveliness as made the presence of ,death seem almost incredible4 ,the snow-fall and mist and gloom had ceased2 and as the sun rose1 clear and resplendent1 every visible object--the earth1 trees1 houses--shone as if enameled with gold and pearls and precious stones4 ,it was the ,lord's day2 and well did the aspect of nature symbolise the glory of ,him1 who is the ,resurrection and the ,life4 ,on receiving the news of his sister's death1 her brother ,seargent1 writing to his mother1 thus depicted her character3 ,my heart bleeds to the core1 as ,i sit down to mingle my tears with yours1 my dear1 beloved mother4 ,i can not realise that it is all over2 that ,i shall never again1 in this world1 see our dear1 dear ,abby4 ,gladly would ,i have given my own life to preserve hers4 ,but we have consolation1 even in our extreme grief2 for she was so good that we know she is now in heaven1 and freed from all care1 unless it be that her affectionate heart is still troubled for us1 whom she loved so well4 ,we can dwell with satisfaction1 after we have overcome the first sharpness of our grief1 upon her angel-like qualities1 which made her1 long before she died1 fit for the heaven where she now is4444 ,you have lost the purest1 noblest1 and best of daughters2 ,i1 a sister1 who never to my knowledge did a selfish act or uttered a selfish thought4 ,with the exception of yourself1 dear mother1 she was1 of all our family circle1 the best prepared to enter her ,father's house4 ,some extracts from letters written at this time1 will show the tenderness of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' sisterly love and sympathy1 and give a glimpse also of her thoughts and occupations as a young mother4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,new ,bedford1 ,feb4 #ag1 #ahdg ,if ,i loved you less1 my dear ,anna1 ,i could write you twenty letters where ,i now can hardly get courage to undertake one4 ,how very dearly ,i do love you ,i never knew1 till it rushed upon my mind that we might sometime lose you as we have lost dear ,abby4 ,how mysteriously your and ,mary's and my baby are given us just at this very time1 when our hearts are so sore that we are almost afraid to expose them to new sufferings by taking in new objects of affection6 ,but it does seem to me a great mercy that1 trying as it is in many respects1 these births and this death come almost hand in hand4 ,surely we three young mothers have learned lessons of life that must influence us forever in relation to these little ones6 ,i have been like one in the midst of a great cloud1 since the birth of our baby1 entirely unconscious how much ,i love her2 but ,i am just beginning to take comfort in and feel sensible affection for her4 ,i long to show the dear little good creature to you4 ,but ,i can hardly give up my long-cherished plans and hopes in regard to ,abby's seeing and loving our first child4 ,almost as much as ,i depended on the sympathy and affection of my own mother in relation to this baby1 ,i was depending on ,abby's4 ,but ,i rejoice that she is where she is1 and would not have her back again in this world of sin and conflict and labor1 for a thousand times the comfort her presence could give4 ,but you don't know how ,i dread going home next summer and not finding her there6 ,it was a great mercy that you could go down again1 dear ,anna4 ,and indeed there are manifold mercies in this affliction--how many we may never know1 till we get home to heaven ourselves and find1 perhaps1 that this was one of the invisible powers that helped us on our way thither4 ,i had a sweet little note from your mother to-day4 ,i would give anything if ,i could go right home1 and make her adopt me as her daughter by a new adoption1 and be a real blessing and comfort to her in this lonely1 dark time4 ,eddy ,hopkins calls my baby his4 ,how children want to use the possessive case in regard to every object of interest6 ,i find the blanket that ,mrs4 ,gibbs knit for me so infinitely preferable1 from its elasticity1 to common flannel1 that ,i could not help knitting one for you4 ,if ,i say that ,i have thought as many affectionate thoughts to you1 while knitting it1 as it contains stitches1 ,i fancy ,i speak nothing but truth and soberness--for ,i love you now with the love ,i have returned on my heart from ,abby1 who no longer is in want of earthly friends4 ,dear little baby thought ,i was knitting for her special pleasure1 for her bright eyes would always follow the needles as she lay upon my lap1 and she would smile now and then as if thanking me for my trouble4 ,the ladies have given her an elegant cloak1 and ,miss ,arnold has just sent her a little white satin bonnet that was made in ,england1 and is quite unlike anything ,i ever saw4 ,only to think1 ,i walked down to church last ,sunday and heard ,george preach once more6 ,march #c;d4--,we could with difficulty1 and by taking turns1 get through reading your letter--not only because you so accurately describe our own feelings in regard to dear ,abby1 but because we feel so keenly for you4 ,i often detect myself thinking1 ,now ,i will sit down and write ,abby a nice long letter2 or imagining how she will act when we go home with our baby2 and as you say1 ,i dream about her almost every night4 ,i used always to dream of her as suffering and dying1 but now ,i see her just as she was when well1 and hear her advising this and suggesting that1 just as ,i did when she was here last summer4 ,life seems so different now from what it did6 ,it seems to me that my youth has been touched by ,abby's death1 and that ,i can never be so cheerful and light-hearted as ,i have been4 ,but1 dear ,anna1 though ,i doubt not this is still more the case with you1 and that you see far deeper into the realities of life than ,i do1 we have both the consolations that are to be found in ,christ--and these will remain to us when the buoyancy and the youthful spirit have gone from our hearts4 ,march #abth4 444 ,i had been reading a marriage sermon to ,george from ,martyria1 and we were having a nice conjugal talk just as your little stranger was coming into the world4 ,g4 is so hurried and driven that he can not get a moment in which to write4 ,he has a funeral this afternoon1 that of ,mrs4 ,h41 a lady whom he has visited for two years1 and a part1 if not all1 of that time once a week4 ,i have made several calls since ,i wrote you last--two of them to see babies1 one of whom took the shine quite off of mine with his great blue-black eyes and eyelashes that lay halfway down his cheeks4 ,the latter part of ,april she visited ,portland2 while there she wrote to her husband1 ,april #bg3 ,just as ,i had the baby to sleep and this letter dated1 ,i was called down to see ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,dwight and their little ,willie4 ,the baby woke before they had finished their call1 and behaved as prettily and looked as bright and lovely as heart could wish4 ,dr4 ,dwight held her a long time and kissed her heartily4 #b ,i got your letter soon after dinner1 and from the haste and the je ne sais quoi with which it was written1 ,i feared you were not well4 ,alas1 ,i am full of love and fear4 ,how came you to walk to ,dartmouth to preach8 ,wasn't it by far too long a walk to take in one day8 ,i heard ,dr4 ,carruthers on ,sunday afternoon4 ,he made the finest allusion to my father ,i ever heard and mother thought of it as ,i did4 ,to-day ,i have had a good many callers--among the rest ,deacon ,lincoln4 #c ,when he saw the baby he said1 ,oh1 what a homely creature4 ,do tell if the ,new ,bedford babies are so ugly8 ,mrs4 ,s41 thinking him in earnest1 rose up in high dudgeon and said1 ,why1 we think her beautiful1 ,deacon ,lincoln4 ,well1 ,i don't wonder1 said he4 ,i expect she will get measles and everything else1 for lots of children come to see her and eat her up4 ,mother1 baby and ,i spend to-morrow at your mother's4 ,do up a lot of sleeping and grow fat1 pray do6 ,and oh1 love me and think ,i am a darling little wife1 and write me loving words in your next letter4 ,wednesday4--,we have a fine day for going up to your mother's4 ,and the baby is bright as a button and full of fun4 ,aren't you glad8 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,portland1 ,may #bb1 #ahdg ,we have just been having a little quiet ,saturday evening talk about dear ,abby1 as we sat here before the lighting of the lamps1 and ,i dare say ,i was not the only one who wished you here too4 ,i came up here from my mother's on ,monday morning and have had a delightful week4 ,i can not begin to tell you how glad ,i am that we are going to make you a little visit on our way home4 ,i do so want to see you and your children1 and show you our darling little baby that ,i can hardly wait till the time comes4 ,i suppose you have got your little folks off to bed1 and so if you will take a peep into the parlor here you will see how we are all occupied--mother in her rocking-chair1 with her specs on1 studying my ,dewees on ,children2 ,george toe to toe with her1 reading some old ,german book1 and ,lina #d curled upon the sofa1 asleep ,i fancy1 while ,i sit in the corner and write you from dear ,abby's desk with her pen4 ,mercy and ,sophia watch over the cradle in the dining-room1 where mother's fifteenth grandchild reposes1 unconscious of the honor of sleeping where honorables1 reverends1 and reverendesses have slumbered before her4 ,how strange it seems that my baby is one of this family--bone of their bone1 and flesh of their flesh6 ,i need not say how ,i miss dear ,abby1 for you will see at once that that which was months ago a reality to you1 has just become such to me4 ,it pains me to my heart's core to hear how she suffered4 ,dear1 dear ,abby6 how ,i did love her1 and how thankful ,i am for her example to imitate and her excellencies to rejoice in6 ,your uncle ,james ,lewis #e spent last night here1 and this morning he prayed a delightful prayer1 which really softened my whole soul4 ,i do not know when ,i have had my own wants so fervently expressed1 or been more edified at family worship1 and his allusion to ,abby was very touching4 ,the following extracts from letters written to her husband1 while he was absent in ,maine1 may be thought by some to go a little too much into the trifling details of daily life and feeling1 but do not such details after all form no small part of the moral warp and woof of human experience8 ,to her husband ,new ,bedford1 ,august #bgth4 ,i heard this morning that old ,mrs4 ,kendrick was threatened with typhus fever1 and went down soon after breakfast to see how she did1 and1 as ,i found ,mrs4 ,henrietta had watched with her and was looking all worn out1 ,i begged her to let me have her baby this afternoon1 that she might have a chance to rest2 so1 after dinner1 ,sophia went down and got her4 ,at first she set up a lamentable scream1 but we huddled on her cloak and put her with our baby into the carriage and gave them a ride4 ,she is a proper heavy baby1 and my legs ache well with trotting round the streets after the carriage4 ,think of me as often as you can and pray for me1 and ,i will think of you and pray for you all the time4 ,tuesday ,evening4--,you see ,i am writing you a sort of little journal1 as you say you like to know all ,i do while you are away4 ,our sweet baby makes your absence far less intolerable than it used to be before she came to comfort me4444 ,i have felt all soul and as if ,i had no body1 ever since your precious letter came this morning4 ,i have so pleased myself with imagining how funny and nice it would be if ,i could creep in unperceived by you1 and hear your oration6 ,i long to know how you got through1 and what ,mr4 ,stearns and ,mr4 ,smith thought of it4 ,i always pray for you more when you are away than ,i do when you are at home1 because ,i know you are interrupted and hindered about your devotions more or less when journeying4 ,i have had callers a great part of to-day1 among them ,mrs4 ,leonard1 ,mrs4 ,gen4 ,thompson1 ,mrs4 ,randall1 and ,capt4 ,clark4 #f ,capt4 ,c4 asked for nobody but the baby4 ,the little creature almost sprang into his arms4 ,he was much gratified and held her a long while1 kissing and caressing her4 ,i think it was pretty work for you to go to reading your oration to your mother and old ,mrs4 ,coe1 when you hadn't read it to me4 ,i felt a terrible pang of jealousy when ,i came to that in your letter4 ,i am going now to call on ,miss ,arnold4 ,friday1 ,sept1 #c;d4--,yesterday forenoon ,i was perfectly wretched4 ,it came over me1 as things will in spite of us1 ,suppose he didn't get safely to ,brunswick6 and for several hours ,i could not shake it off4 ,it had all the power of reality1 and made me so faint that ,i could do nothing and fairly had to go to bed4 ,i suppose it was very silly1 and if ,i had not tried in every way to rise above it might have been even wicked1 but it frightened me to find how much ,i am under the power of mere feeling and fancy4 ,but do not laugh at me4 ,sometimes ,i say to myself1 ,what ,,madness to love any human being so intensely6 ,what would become of you if he were snatched from you8 and then ,i think that though ,god justly denies us comfort and support for the future1 and bids us lean upon ,him now and trust ,him for the rest1 ,he can give us strength for the endurance of ,his most terrible chastisements when their hour comes4 ,saturday4--,i am a mere baby when ,i think of your getting sick in this time of almost universal sickness and sorrow and death4444 ,yesterday ,mrs4 ,gibbs and ,mrs4 ,leonard took me1 with ,sophia and baby1 to the cemetery1 and on a long ride of three hours--all of which was delightful4 ,in the afternoon baby had an ill-turn which alarmed me excessively1 because so many children are sick1 but ,i gave her medicine and think she will soon be well again4 ,mrs4 ,gibbs and ,mrs4 ,randall and others sent me yesterday a dozen large peaches1 two melons1 a lot of shell-beans and tomatoes1 a dish of blackberries and some fried corn-cakes--not an atom of the whole of which shall ,i touch1 taste1 handle1 or smell2 so you need not fear my killing myself4 ,mrs4 ,capt4 ,delano1 where the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,brock from ,england stayed1 has just lost two children after a few days' illness4 ,they were buried in one coffin4 ,old ,gideon ,howland1 the richest man here1 is also dead4 ,the papers are full of deaths4 ,our dear baby is nine months old to-day1 and may ,god1 if ,he sees best1 spare her to us as many more2 and if ,he does not1 ,i feel as if ,i could give her up to ,him--but we don't know what we can do till the time comes4 ,i hear her sweet little voice down stairs and it sounds happy1 so ,i guess she feels pretty comfortable4 ,sabbath ,evening4--,the baby is better1 and ,i dare say it is my imagination that says she looks pale and puny4 ,she is now asleep in your study1 where too ,i am sitting in your chair4 ,i came down as soon as ,i could this morning1 and have stayed here all day4 ,it is so quiet and pleasant among your books and papers1 and it was so dull up-stairs6 ,i thought before your letter came1 while standing over the green1 grassy graves of ,lizzie ,read1 ,mary ,rodman1 and ,mrs4 ,cadwell1 #g how ,i should love to have dear ,abby in such a green1 sweet spot1 where we could sometimes go together to talk of her4 ,i must own ,i should like to be buried under grass and trees1 rather than cold stone and heavy marble4 ,should not you8 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,birth of a ,son4 ,death of her ,mother4 ,her ,grief4 ,letters4 ,eddy's ,illness and her own ,cares4 ,a ,family ,gathering at ,newburyport4 ,extracts from ,eddy's ,journal4 ,passing over another year1 which was marked by no incidents requiring special mention1 we come again to a birth and a death in close conjunction4 ,on the #bb;d of ,october1 #ahdh1 her second child1 ,edward ,payson1 was born4 ,on the #agth of ,november1 her mother died4 ,of the life of this child she herself has left a minute record1 portions of which will be given later4 ,in a letter to his sister1 dated ,new ,bedford1 ,november #bast1 her husband thus refers to her mother's departure3 ,we have just received the sad intelligence of ,mother ,payson's death4 ,she passed away very peacefully1 as if going to sleep1 at half-past five on ,friday afternoon4 ,dear ,lizzy was at first quite overwhelmed1 as ,i knew she would be--for her attachment to her mother was uncommonly tender and devoted2 but she is now perfectly tranquil and will soon1 ,i trust1 be able to think of her irreparable loss with a melancholy pleasure even4 ,there is much in the case that is peculiarly fitted to produce a cheerful resignation4 ,mrs4 ,payson has been a severe sufferer2 and since the breaking up of her home in ,portland1 she has felt1 ,i think1 an increasing detachment from the world4 ,i was exceedingly struck with this during her visit here last winter4 ,she seemed to me to be fast ripening for heaven4 ,it is such a comfort to us that she was able to name our little boy6 #h ,mrs4 ,payson died in the #feth year of her age4 ,she was a woman of most attractive and admirable qualities1 full of cheerful life and energy1 and a whole-hearted disciple of ,jesus4 ,a few extracts from ,mrs4 ,prentiss' letters will show how deeply she felt her loss4 ,to her youngest brother she writes3 ,how gladly ,i would go1 if ,i could1 to see you all1 and talk over with you the thousand things that are filling our minds and hearts6 ,we can not drain this bitter cup at one draught and then go on our way as though it had never been4 ,the loss of a mother is never made up or atoned for2 and ours was such a mother2 so peculiar in her devotion and tenderness and sympathy6 ,i can not mourn that her sorrowful pilgrimage is over1 can not think for a moment of wishing she were still on earth1 weeping and praying and suffering--but for myself and for you and for all ,i mourn with hourly tears4 ,she has sacrificed herself for us4 ,to her friend1 ,miss ,lord1 she writes1 ,jan4 #ca3 ,it seems to me that every day and hour ,i miss my dear mother more and more1 and ,i feel more and more painfully how much she suffered during her last years and months4 ,dear ,louise1 ,i thought ,i knew that she could not live long1 but ,i never realised it1 and even now ,i keep trying to hope that she has not really gone4 ,just in this very spot where ,i now sit writing1 my dear mother's great easy-chair used to sit1 and here1 only a year ago1 she was praying for and loving me4 ,o1 if ,i had only known she was dying then1 and could have talked with her about heaven till it had grown to seeming like a home to which she was going1 and whither ,i should follow her sooner or later6 ,but it is all over and ,i would not have her here again1 if the shadow of a wish could restore her to us4 ,i only earnestly long to be fitting1 day by day1 to meet her again in heaven4 ,god has mingled many great mercies with this affliction1 and ,i do not know that ,i ever in my life so felt the delight of praying to and thanking ,him4 ,when ,i begin to pray ,i have so much to thank ,him for1 that ,i hardly know how to stop4 ,i have always thought ,i would not for the universe be left unchastised--and now ,i feel the smart1 ,i still can say so4 ,lotty's visit was a great comfort and service to me1 but ,i was very selfish in talking to her so much about my own loss1 while she was so great a sufferer under hers4 ,since she left my little boy has been worse than ever and pined away last week very rapidly4 ,you can form no idea1 by any description of his sufferings1 of what the dear little creature has undergone since his birth4 ,i feel a perfect longing to see ,portland and mother's many dear friends there1 especially your mother and a few like her4 ,i am very tired as ,i have written a great part of this with baby in my lap--so ,i can write no more4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,feb4 #ag1 #ahdi4 ,dear little ,eddy has found life altogether unkind thus far1 and ,i have had many hours of heartache on his account but ,i hope he may weather the storm and come out safely yet4 ,the doctor examined him all over yesterday1 particularly his head1 and said he could not make him out a sick child1 but that he thought his want of flesh owing partly to his sufferings but more to the great loss of sleep occasioned by his sufferings4 ,instead of sleeping twelve hours out of the twenty-four1 he sleeps but about seven and that by means of laudanum4 ,isn't it a mercy that ,i have been able to bear so well the fatigue and care and anxiety of these four hard months8 ,i feel that ,i have nothing to complain of1 and a great deal to be thankful for4 ,on the whole1 notwithstanding my grief about my dear mother's loss1 and my perplexity and distress about baby1 ,i have had as much real happiness this winter as it is possible for one to glean in such unfavorable circumstances4 ,by far the greatest trial ,i have to contend with1 is that of losing all power to control my time4 ,a little room all of my own1 and a regular hour1 morning and night1 all of my own would enable me1 ,i think1 to say1 ,now let life do its worst6 ,i am no stranger1 ,i assure you1 to the misgivings you describe in your last letter2 ,i think them the result of the wish without the will to be holy4 ,we pray for sanctification and then are afraid ,god will sanctify us by stripping us of our idols and feel distressed lest we can not have them and ,him too4 ,reading the life of ,madame ,guyon gave me great pain and anxiety1 ,i remember4 ,i thought that if such spiritual darkness and trial as she was in for many years1 was a necessary attendant on eminent piety1 ,i could not summon courage to try to live such a life4 ,of all the anguish in the world there is nothing like this--the sense of ,god1 without the sense of nearness to ,him4 ,i wish you would always think aloud when you write to me4 ,i long to see you and the children and ,mr4 ,s41 and so does ,george4 ,poor ,g4 has had a very hard time of it ever since little ,eddy's birth--so much care and worry and sleeplessness and labor1 and how he is ever to get any rest ,i don't see4 ,these are the times that try our souls4 ,let nobody condole with me about our bodies4 ,it is the struggle to be patient and gentle and cheerful1 when pressed down and worn upon and distracted1 that costs us so much4 ,i think when ,i have had all my children1 if there is anything left of me1 ,i shall write about the ,battle of ,life more eloquently than ,dickens has done4 ,i had a pleasant dream about mother and ,abby the other night4 ,they came together to see me and both seemed so well and so happy6 ,i feel perfectly happy now1 that my dear mother has gone home4 ,to the ,same1 ,may #g1 #ahdi4 ,i used to think it hard to be sick when ,i had dear mother hanging over me1 doing all she could for my relief1 but it is harder to be denied the poor comfort of being let alone and to have to drag one's self out of bed to take care of a baby4 ,mr4 ,stearns must know how to pity me1 for my real sick headaches are very like his1 and when racked with pain1 dizzy1 faint and exhausted with suffering1 starvation and sleeplessness1 it is terrible to have to walk the room with a crying child6 ,i thought as ,i lay1 worn out even to childishness1 obliged for the baby's sake to have a bright sunlight streaming into the chamber1 and to keep my eyes and ears on the alert for the same cause1 how still we used to think the house must be left when my father had these headaches and how mother busied herself all day long about him1 and how nice his little plate of hot steak used to look1 as he sat up to eat it when the sickness had gone--and how ,i am suffering here all alone with nobody to give me even a look of encouragement4 ,george was out of town on my sickest day4 ,when he was at home he did everything in the world he could do to keep the children still1 but here they must be and ,i must direct about every trifle and have them on the bed with me4 ,i am getting desperate and feel disposed to run furiously in the traces till ,i drop dead on the way4 ,don't think me very wicked for saying so4 ,i am jaded in soul and body and hardly know what ,i do want4 ,if ,t4 comes1 ,george1 at all events1 will get relief and that will take a burden from my mind4444 ,i want ,lina to come this summer4 ,there is a splendid swing on iron hooks under a tree1 at the house we are going to move into4 ,won't that be nice for ,jeanie and ,mary's other children1 if they come8 ,i wish ,i had a little fortune1 not for myself but to gather my folks together with4 ,i shall not write you1 my dear1 another complaining letter2 do excuse this4 ,this letter shows the extremity of her trouble2 but it is a picture1 merely4 ,the reality was something beyond description2 only young mothers1 who know it by experience1 can understand its full meaning4 ,now1 however1 the storm for a while abated4 ,the young relative1 whose loving devotion had ministered to the comfort of her dying mother1 came to her own relief and passed the next six months at ,new ,bedford1 helping take care of ,eddy4 ,in the course of the spring1 too1 his worst symptoms disappeared and hope took the place of fear and despondency4 ,referring to this period1 his mother writes in ,eddy's journal3 ,on the ,saturday succeeding his birth1 we heard of my dear mother's serious illness1 and1 when he was about three weeks old1 of her death4 ,we were not surprised that his health suffered from the shock it thus received4 ,he began at once to be affected with distressing colic1 which gave him no rest day or night4 ,his father used to call him a little martyr1 and such indeed he was for many long1 tedious months4 ,on the #afth of ,february1 the doctor came and spent two hours in carefully investigating his case4 ,he said it was a most trying condition of things1 and he would gladly do something to relieve me1 as he thought ,i had been through enough to kill ten men4 444 ,when ,eddy was about eight months old1 the doctor determined to discontinue the use of opiates4 ,he was now a fine1 healthy baby1 bright-eyed and beautiful1 and his colic was reducing itself to certain seasons on each day1 instead of occupying the whole day and night as heretofore4 ,we went through fire and water almost in trying to procure for him natural sleep4 ,we swung him in blankets1 wheeled him in little carts1 walked the room with him by the hour1 etc41 etc41 but it was wonderful how little sleep he obtained after all4 ,he always looked wide awake and as if he did not need sleep4 ,his eyes had gradually become black1 and when1 after a day of fatigue and care with him he would at last close them1 and we would flatter ourselves that now we too should snatch a little rest1 we would see them shining upon us in the most amusing manner with an expression of content and even merriment4 ,about this time he was baptized4 ,i well remember how in his father's study1 and before taking him to church1 we gave him to ,god4 ,he was very good while his papa was performing the ceremony1 and looked so bright and so well1 that many who had never seen him in his state of feebleness1 found it hard to believe he had been aught save a vigorous and healthy child4 ,my own health was now so broken down by long sleeplessness and fatigue1 that it became necessary for me to leave home for a season4 ,dr4 ,mayhew promised to run in every day to see that all went well with ,eddy4 ,his auntie was more than willing to take this care upon herself1 and many of our neighbors offered to go often to see him1 promising to do everything for his safety and comfort if ,i would only go4 ,not aware how miserable a state ,i was in1 ,i resolved to be absent only one week1 but was away for a whole month4 ,a part of the month1 with her husband and little daughter1 she passed at ,newburyport4 ,his brother1 ,s4 ,s4 ,prentiss--whose name was then renowned all over the land as an orator and patriot--had come ,north for the last time1 bringing his wife and children with him4 ,it was a never-to-be-forgotten family gathering under the aged mother's roof4 ,on my return 7she continues in ,eddy's journal7 ,i found him looking finely4 ,he had had an ill-turn owing to teething which they had kept from me1 but had recovered from it and looked really beautiful4 ,his father and uncle ,s4 ,s4 had been to see him once during our vacation1 and we were now expecting them again with his ,aunt ,mary and her three children and his grandmother4 ,we depended a great deal on seeing ,eddy and ,una together1 as she was his twin cousin and only a few hours older than he4 ,but on the very evening of their arrival he was taken sick1 and1 although they all saw him that night looking like himself1 by the next morning he had changed sadly4 ,he grew ill and lost flesh and strength very fast1 and no remedies seemed to have the least effect on his disorder1 which was one induced by teething4444 ,for myself ,i did not believe anything could now save my precious baby1 and had given him to ,god so unreservedly1 that ,i was not conscious of even a wish for his life4444 ,when at last we saw evident tokens of returning health and strength1 we felt that we received him a second time as from the grave4 ,to me he never seemed the same child4 ,my darling ,eddy was lost to me and another--and yet the same--filled his place4 ,i often said afterward that a little stranger was running about my nursery1 not mine1 but ,god's4 ,indeed1 ,i can't describe the peculiar feelings with which ,i always regarded him after this sickness1 nor how the thought constantly met me1 ,he is not mine2 he is ,god's4 ,every night ,i used to thank ,him for sparing him to me one day longer2 thus truly enjoying him a day at a time4 ,an extract from a letter to ,miss ,lord1 written on the anniversary of her mother's death1 will close the account of this year4 ,if ,i were in ,portland now1 ,i should go right down to see you4 ,i feel just like having a dear1 old-fashioned talk with you4 ,i was thinking how many times death had entered that old ,richmond circle of which you and ,i once formed a part2 ,mrs4 ,persico1 ,susan1 ,charlotte ,ford1 ,kate ,kennedy1 and now our own dearest ,lotty1 all gone4 ,i can not tell you how much ,i miss and grieve for ,lotty4 #i ,i can not be thankful enough that ,i went to ,portland in the summer and had that last week with her1 nor for her most precious visit here last winter4 ,whenever you think of any little thing she said1 ,i want you to write it down for me1 no matter whether it seems worth writing or not4 ,i know by experience how precious such things are4 ,this is a sad day to me4 ,indeed1 all of this month has been so1 recalling as it has done1 all ,i was suffering at this time last year1 and all my dear mother was then suffering4 ,i can hardly realise that she has been in heaven a whole year1 and that ,i feel her loss as vividly as if it were but yesterday--indeed1 more so4 ,i do not feel that this affliction has done me the good that it ought to have done and that ,i hoped it would4 ,as far as ,i have any excuse it lies in my miserable health4 ,i want so much to be more of a ,christian2 to live a life of constant devotion4 ,do tell me1 when you write1 if you have such troubled thoughts1 and such difficulty in being steadfast and unmovable8 ,oh1 how ,i sigh for the sort of life ,i led in ,richmond1 and which was more or less the life of the succeeding years at home6 ,my husband tries to persuade me that the difference is more in my way of life1 and that then being my time for contemplation1 now is my time for action4 ,but ,i know1 myself1 that ,i have lost ground4 ,you must bear me in mind when you pray1 my dear ,louise1 for ,i never had so much need of praying nor so little time or strength for it4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,further ,extracts from ,eddy's ,journal4 ,ill-health4 ,visit to ,newark4 ,death of her ,brother-in-law1 ,s4 ,s4 ,prentiss4 ,his ,character4 ,removal to ,newark4 ,letters4 ,the record of the new year opens with this entry in ,eddy's journal3 ,january1 #ahej4--;,eddy is now fourteen months old1 has six teeth1 and walks well1 but with timidity4 ,he is1 at times1 really beautiful4 ,he is very affectionate1 and will run to meet me1 throw his little arms round my neck and keep pat-pat-patting me1 with delight4 ,miss ,arnold sent him1 at ,new ,year's1 a pretty ball1 with which he is highly pleased4 ,he rolls it about by knocking it with a stick1 and will shout for joy when he sees it moving4 ,he is crazy to give everybody something1 and when he is brought down to prayers1 hurries to get the ,bible for his father1 his little face all smiles and exultation1 and his body in a quiver with emotion4 ,he is like lightning in all his movements1 and is never still for an instant4 ,it is worth a good deal to see his face1 it is so brimful of life and sunshine and gladness4 ,her letters1 written during the winter and spring1 show how in the midst of bodily suffering1 depression1 and sorrow her views of life were changing and her faith in ,god growing stronger4 ,three of her brothers were now in ,california1 seeking their fortunes in the newly-discovered gold mines4 ,to one of them she writes1 ,march #ajth3 ,i was delighted yesterday by the reception of your letter4 ,i do not wonder that ,lotty's death affected you as it did--but however sharp the instruments by which these lessons come to us1 they are full of good when they do come4 ,as ,i look back to the time when ,i did not know what death was doing and could do1 ,i seem to myself like a child who has not yet been to school4 ,the deaths of our dear mother and of ,lotty have taken fast hold of me4 ,life is entirely changed4 ,i do not say this in a melancholy or repining temper1 for ,i would not have life appear otherwise than in its true light4 ,all my sickly1 wicked disgust with it has been put to the blush and driven away4 ,i see now that to live for ,god1 whether one is allowed ability to be actively useful or not1 is a great thing1 and that it is a wonderful mercy to be allowed to live and suffer even1 if thereby one can glorify ,him4 ,i desire to live if it is ,god's will1 though ,i confess heaven looks most attractive when either sin1 sorrow1 or sickness weary me4 ,but ,i must not go on at this rate1 for ,i could not in writing begin to tell you how different everything looks as ,i advance into a knowledge of life and see its awful sorrows and sufferings and changes and know that ,i am subject to all its laws1 soon to take my turn in its mysterious close4 ,my dear brother1 let us learn by heart the lessons we are learning1 and go in their strength and wisdom all our days4444 ,our children are well4 ,eddy has gone to be weighed 7he weighed twenty-four pounds74 ,he is a fine little fellow4 ,i have his nurse still1 and ought to be in excellent health1 but am a nervous old thing1 as skinny and bony as ,i can be4 ,i can think of nothing but birds' claws when ,i look at my hands4 ,but ,i have so much to be thankful for in my dear husband and my sweet little children1 and love all of you so dearly1 that ,i believe ,i am as rich as if ,i had the flesh and strength of a giant4 ,i am going this week to hear ,miss ,arnold read a manuscript novel4 ,this will give spice to my life4 ,warmest love to you all4 ,again1 ,may #ajth1 she writes3 ,it would be a great pleasure to me to keep a journal for you if ,i were well enough1 but ,i am not4 ,i have my sick headache now once a week1 and it makes me really ill for about three days4 ,towards night of the third day ,i begin to brighten up and to eat a morsel1 but hardly recover my strength before ,i have another pull-down1 just as ,i had got to this point the door-bell rang1 and lo6 a beautiful ,may-basket hanging on the latch for ,annie1 full of pretty and good things4 ,i can hardly wait till morning to see how her eyes will shine and her little feet fly when she sees it4 ,george has been greatly distressed about ,s4 ,s41 and has1 ,i think1 very little1 if any1 hope that he will recover4 ,dr4 ,tappan #aj spent ,tuesday night here4 ,we had a really delightful visit from him4 ,he spoke highly of your classmate1 ,craig1 who is just going to be married4 ,he told us a number of pleasant anecdotes about father4 ,eddy has got big enough to walk in the street4 ,he looks like a little picture1 with his great forehead and bright eyes4 ,he is in every way as large as most children are at two years4 ,his supreme delight is to tease ,a4 by making believe strike her or in some other real boy's hateful way4 ,she and he play together on the grass-plat1 and ,i feel quite matronly as ,i sit watching them with their balls and wheel-barrows and whatnots4 ,this little scamp has1 ,i fear1 broken my constitution to pieces4 ,it makes me crawl all over when ,i think of you three fagging all day at such dull and unprofitable labor4 ,but ,i am sure ,providence will do what is really best for you all4 ,we think and talk of and pray for you every day and more than once a day1 and1 in all my ill-health and sufferings1 the remembrance of you is pleasant and in great measure refreshing4 ,i depend more upon hearing from you all than ,i can describe4 ,what an unconquerable thing family affection is6 ,she thus writes1 ,may #cjth1 to her old ,portland friend1 ,miss ,lord3 ,i have written very few letters and not a line of anything else the past winter1 owing to the confusion my mind is in most of the time from distress in my head4 ,three days out of every seven ,i am as sick as ,i well can be--the rest of the time languid1 feeble1 and exhausted by frequent faint turns1 so that ,i can't do the smallest thing in my family4 ,i hardly know what it is so much as to put a clean apron on to one of my children4 ,to me this is a constant pain and weariness2 for our expense in the way of servants is greater than we can afford and everything is going to destruction under my face and eyes1 while ,i dare not lift a finger to remedy it4 ,i live in constant alternations of hope and despondency about my health4 ,whenever ,i feel a little better1 as ,i do to-day1 ,i am sanguine and cheerful1 but the next ill-turn depresses me exceedingly4 ,i don't think there is any special danger of my dying1 but there is a good deal of my getting run down beyond the power of recovery1 and of dragging out that useless existence of which ,i have a perfect horror4 ,but ,i would not have you think ,i am not happy2 for ,i can truly say that ,i am1 most of the time1 as happy as ,i believe one can be in this world4 ,all my trials and sufferings shut me up to the one great ,source of peace1 and ,i know there has been need of every one of them4 ,i have not yet made my plans for the summer4 ,our doctor urges me to go away from the children and from the salt water1 but ,i do not believe it would do me a bit of good4 ,i want you to see my dear little boy4 ,he is now nineteen months old and as fat and well as can be4 ,he is a beautiful little fellow1 we think1 and very interesting4 ,he is as gallant to ,a4 as you please1 and runs to get a cushion for her when their supper is carried in1 and won't eat a morsel himself till he sees her nicely fixed4 ,george has gone to ,boston1 and ,i am lonely enough4 ,i would write another sheet if ,i dared1 but ,i don't dare4 ,what she here says of her happiness1 amidst the trials of the previous winter1 is repeated a little later in a letter to her husband3 ,i can truly say ,i have not spent a happier winter since our marriage1 in spite of all my sickness4 ,it seems to me ,i can never recover my spirits and be as ,i have been in my best days1 but what ,i lose in one way perhaps ,i shall gain in another4 ,just think how my ambition has been crushed at every point by my ill-health1 and even the ambition to be useful and a comfort to those about me trampled underfoot1 to teach me what ,i could not have learned in any other school6 ,in the month of ,june she went on a visit to ,newark1 ,new ,jersey1 where her husband's mother and sister now resided2 ,dr4 ,stearns having in the fall of #ahdi accepted a call to the ,first ,presbyterian church in that city4 ,while she was in ,newark news came of the dangerous illness1 and1 soon after1 of the death at ,natchez of her brother-in-law1 ,mr4 ,s4 ,s4 ,prentiss4 ,the event was a great shock to her1 and she knew that it would be a crushing blow to her husband4 ,her letters to him1 written at this time1 are full of the tender love and sympathy that infuse solace into sorrow-stricken hearts4 ,here is an extract from one of them1 dated ,july #aath3 ,i can't tell you how it grieves and distresses me to have had this long-dreaded affliction come upon you when you were alone4 ,though ,i could do so little to comfort you1 it seems as if ,i must be near you4444 ,but ,i know ,i am doing right in staying here--doing as you would tell me to do1 if ,i could have your direct wish1 and you don't know how thankful ,i am that it has pleased ,god to let me be with dear mother at a time when she so needed constant affection and sympathy4 ,yes there are wonderful mercies with this heavy affliction1 and we all see and feel them4 ,poor mother has borne all the dreadful suspense and then the second blow of to-day far better than any of us dared to hope1 but she weeps incessantly4 ,anna is with her all she can possibly be1 and ,mr4 ,stearns is an angel of mercy4 ,i have prayed for you a great deal this week1 and ,i know ,god is with you1 comforts you1 and will enable you to bear this great sorrow4 ,and yet ,i can't help feeling that ,i want to comfort you myself4 ,oh1 may we all reap its blessed fruits as long as we live6 ,let us withdraw a while from everything else1 that we may press nearer to ,god4 ,we were in a state of terrible suspense all day ,tuesday1 all day ,wednesday1 and until noon to-day2 starting at every footfall1 expecting telegraphic intelligence either from you or from the ,south1 and deplorably ignorant of ,seargent's alarming condition1 notwithstanding all the warning we had had4 ,with one consent we had put far off the evil day4444 ,and now ,i must bid you good-night1 my dearest husband1 praying that you may be the beloved of the ,lord and rest in safety by ,him4 ,the early years of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' married life were in various ways closely connected with that of this lamented brother2 so much so that he may be said to have formed one of the most potent1 as well as one of the sunniest1 influences in her own domestic history4 ,not only was he very highly gifted1 intellectually1 and widely known as a great orator1 but he was also a man of extraordinary personal attractions1 endeared to all his friends by the sweetness of his disposition1 by his winning ways1 his wit1 his playful humor1 his courage1 his boundless generosity1 his fraternal and filial devotion1 and by the charm of his conversation4 ,his death at the early age of forty-one called forth expressions of profound sorrow and regret from the first men of the nation4 ,after the lapse of nearly a third of a century his memory is still fresh and bright in the hearts of all1 who once knew and loved him4 #aa ,notwithstanding the shock of this great affliction1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss returned to ,new ,bedford much refreshed in body and mind4 ,in a letter to her friend ,miss ,lord1 dated ,september #adth1 she writes3 ,i spent six most profitable weeks at ,newark2 went out very little1 saw very few people1 and had the quiet and retirement ,i had long hungered and thirsted for4 ,since ,i have had children my life has been so distracted with care and sickness that ,i have sometimes felt like giving up in despair1 but this six weeks' rest gave me fresh courage to start anew4 ,i have got some delightful books--,manning's ,sermons4 #ab ,they are 7letting the ,high-churchism go7 most delightful2 ,i think ,susan would have feasted on them4 ,but she is feasting on angels' food and has need of none of these things4 ,in ,october of this year ,mrs4 ,prentiss bade adieu to ,new ,bedford1 never to revisit it1 and removed to ,newark2 her husband having become associate pastor of the ,second ,presbyterian church in that place4 ,in the spring of the following year he accepted a call to the ,mercer street ,presbyterian church in ,new ,york1 and that city became her home the rest of her days4 ,although she tarried so short a time in ,newark1 she received much kindness and formed warm friendships while there4 ,she continued to suffer much1 however1 from ill-health and almost entirely suspended her correspondence4 ,a few letters to ,new ,bedford friends are all that relate to this period4 ,in one to ,mrs4 ,j4 ,p4 ,allen1 dated ,november #b;d1 she thus refers to an accident1 which came near proving fatal3 ,yesterday we went down to ,new ,york to hear ,jenny ,lind2 a pleasure to remember for the rest of one's life4 ,if anything1 she surpassed our expectations4 ,in coming home a slight accident to the cars obliged us to walk about a mile1 and ,i must needs fall into a hole in the bridge which we were crossing1 and bruise and scrape one knee quite badly4 ,the wonder is that ,i did not go into the river1 as it was a large hole1 and pitch dark4 ,i think if ,i had been walking with ,mr4 ,prentiss ,i should not only have gone in myself1 but pulled him in too2 but ,i had the arm of a stronger man1 who held me up till ,i could extricate myself4 ,you can't think how ,i miss you1 nor how often ,i wish you could run in and sit with me1 as you used to do4 ,i have always loved you1 and shall remember you and yours with the utmost interest4 ,we had a pleasant call the other day from ,captain ,gibbs4 ,seeing him made me homesick enough4 ,i could hardly keep from crying all the time he stayed4 ,it seems to us both as if we had been gone from ,new ,bedford more months than we have days4 ,mr4 ,prentiss said yesterday that he should expect if he went back directly1 to see the boys and girls grown up and married4 ,to ,mrs4 ,reuben ,nye1 ,newark1 ,feb #ab1 #ahea4 ,mr4 ,prentiss and ,mr4 ,poor have just taken ,annie and ,eddy out to walk1 and ,i have been moping over the fire and thinking of ,new ,bedford friends1 and wishing one or more would happen in4 ,i am just now getting over a severe attack of rheumatism1 which on leaving my back intrenched itself in ,mr4 ,p4's shoulder4 ,i dislike this climate and am very suspicious of it4 ,everybody has a horrible cold1 or the rheumatism1 or fever and ague4 ,mr4 ,prentiss says if ,i get the latter1 he shall be off for ,new ,england in a twinkling4 ,i think he is as well as can be expected while the death of his brother continues so fresh in his remembrance4 ,all the old cheerfulness1 which used to sustain me amid sickness and trouble1 has gone from him4 ,but ,god has ordered the iron to enter his soul1 and it is not for me to resist that will4 ,our children are well4 ,we have had much comfort in them both this winter4 ,mother ,prentiss is renewing her youth1 it is so pleasant to her to have us all near her4 7,eddy and ,a4 are hovering about me1 making such a noise that ,i can hardly write4 ,eddy says1 ,when ,i was tired1 ,poor tarried me47 ,mr4 ,poor carries all before him4 #ac ,he is very popular throughout the city1 and ,i believe ,mrs4 ,p4 is much admired by their people4 ,mr4 ,prentiss is preaching every ,sabbath evening1 as ,dr4 ,condit is able to preach every morning now4 ,i feel as much at home as ,i possibly could anywhere in the same time1 but instead of mourning less for my ,new ,bedford friends1 ,i mourn more and more every day4 ,to ,mrs4 ,allen she writes1 ,feb4 #ba3 ,i know all about those depressed moods1 when it costs one as much to smile1 or to give a pleasant answer1 as it would at other times to make a world4 ,what a change it will be to us poor sickly1 feeble1 discouraged ones1 when we find ourselves where there is neither pain or lassitude or fatigue of the body1 or sorrow or care or despondency of the mind6 ,i miss you more and more4 ,people here are kind and excellent and friendly1 but ,i can not make them1 as yet1 fill the places of the familiar faces ,i have left in ,new ,bedford4 ,i am all the time walking through our neighborhood1 dropping into ,deacon ,barker's or your house1 or welcoming some of you into our old house on the corner4 ,eddy is pretty well4 ,he is a sweet little boy1 gentle and docile4 ,he learns to talk very fast1 and is crazy to learn hymns4 ,he says1 ,tinkle1 tinkle leetleeverybody1 and give 'tatoes to beggar boys4 ,mother ,prentiss seems to thrive on having us all about her4 ,she lives so far off that ,i see her seldom1 but ,mr4 ,p4 goes every day1 except ,sundays1 when he can't go--rain or shine1 tired or not tired1 convenient or not convenient4 ,since my mother's death he has felt that he must do quickly whatever he has to do for his own4 #a ,i found dear ,abby still alive and rejoiced beyond expression to see me4 ,she had had a very feeble night1 but brightened up towards noon and when ,i arrived seemed entirely like her old self1 smiling sweetly and exclaiming1 ,this is the last blessing ,i desired6 ,oh1 how good the ,lord is1 isn't ,he8 ,it was very delightful4 ,the doctor has just been in and he says she may go any instant1 and yet may live a day or two4 ,mother is wonderfully calm and happy1 and the house seems like the very gate of heaven4444 ,i so wish you could have seen ,abby's smile when ,i entered her room4 ,and then she inquired so affectionately for you and baby3 ,now tell me everything about them4 ,she longs and prays to be gone4 ,there is something perfectly childlike about her expressions and feelings1 especially toward mother4 ,she can't bear to have her leave the room and holds her hand a good deal of the time4 ,she sends ever so much love4-- ,extract from a letter1 dated ,portland1 ,january #bg1 #ahdg4 #b ,the late ,rev4 ,william ,t4 ,dwight1 ,d4,d41 pastor of the ,third ,church in ,portland4 ,he was a son of ,president ,dwight1 an accomplished man1 a noble ,christian citizen1 and one of the ablest preachers of his day4 ,for many years his house almost adjoined ,mrs4 ,payson's1 and both he and ,mrs4 ,dwight were among her most cherished friends4 #c ,a devoted friend of her father's1 one of his deacons1 and a genial1 warm-hearted1 good man4 #d ,a niece of her husband1 a lovely child1 who died a few years later in ,georgia4 #e ,rev4 ,james ,lewis1 a venerated elder and local preacher of the ,methodist ,episcopal ,church1 then nearly eighty years of age4 ,he died in #ahee1 universally beloved and lamented4 ,he entered upon his work in #ahjj4 ,during most of those fifty-five years he was wont to preach every ,sabbath1 often three times1 rarely losing an appointment by sickness1 and still more rarely by storms in summer or winter4 ,he lived in ,gorham1 ,maine1 and his labors were pretty equally divided among all the towns within fifteen miles round4 ,his rides out and back1 often over the roughest roads or through heavy snows1 averaged1 probably1 from fifteen to twenty miles4 ,it was estimated that he had officiated at not less than #a1ejj funerals1 sometimes riding for the purpose forty miles4 ,his funeral and camp-meeting sermons included1 he could not have preached less than from #h1jjj to #i1jjj times4 ,he never received a dollar of compensation for his ministerial services4 ,though a hard-working farmer1 his hospitality to his itinerant brethren was unbounded4 ,in several towns of ,cumberland and adjoining counties1 he was the revered patriarch1 as half a century earlier he had been the youthful pioneer of ,methodism4 ,when he departed to be with ,christ1 there was no better man in all the ,state to follow after him4 #f ,one of a number of old whaling captains in her husband's congregation1 in whom she was interested greatly4 ,they belonged to a class of men sui generis--men who had traversed all oceans1 had visited many lands1 and were as remarkable for their jovial large-hearted1 social qualities1 when at home1 as for their indomitable energy1 ,yankee push1 and adventurous seamanship1 when hunting the monsters of the deep on the other side of the globe4 #g ,two bright girls and a young mother1 who had died not long before4 #h ,her sickness lasted six weeks1 dating from the day of her being entirely confined to bed4 ,her life was prolonged much beyond what her physicians or any one else who saw her1 had believed possible4 ,during the last week her sufferings were less1 and she lay quiet part of the time4 ,friday morning she had an attack of faintness1 in the course of which she remarked ,i am dying4 ,she recovered and before noon sank into a somnolent state from which she never awoke4 ,her breathing became softer and fainter till it ceased at half-past five in the afternoon4 ,oh1 what a transition was that6 from pain and weariness and woe to the world of light6 to the presence of the ,saviour6 to unclouded bliss6 ,i felt1 and so ,i believe did all assembled round her bed1 that it was time for exultation rather than grief4 ,we could not think of ourselves1 so absorbed were we in contemplation of her happiness4 ,she was able to say scarcely anything during her sickness1 and left not a single message for the absent children1 or directions to those who were present4 ,her extreme weakness1 and the distressing effect of every attempt to speak1 made her abandon all such attempts except in answer to questions4 ,but the tenor of her replies to all inquiries was uniform1 expressing entire acquiescence in the will of ,god1 confidence in ,him through ,christ1 and a desire to depart as soon as ,he should permit4 ,tranquillity and peace1 unclouded by a single doubt or fear1 seem to have filled her mind4 ,there were several reasons which led us to decide that the interment should take place here2 but on the following ,saturday a gentleman arrived from ,portland1 sent by the ,second ,parish to remove the remains to that place1 if we made no objection4 ,as we made none1 the body was disinterred and taken to ,p41 my brother ,g4 accompanying it4 ,so that her mortal remains now rest with those of my dear father4--,letter from ,mrs4 ,hopkins to her aunt in ,new ,haven1 dated ,williamstown1 ,dec4 #a1 #ahdh4 #i ,the wife of her brother1 ,mr4 ,henry ,m4 ,payson4 #aj ,the ,rev4 ,benjamin ,tappan1 ,d4,d41 an old friend of her father's and one of the patriarchs of the ,maine churches4 #aa ,see appendix ,b1 p4 #ecd1 for a brief sketch of his life4 #ab ,sermons by ,henry ,edward ,manning1 ,archdeacon of ,chichester 7now ,cardinal ,manning71 #ast1 #b;d1 and #c;d ,series4 #ac ,the ,rev4 ,d4 ,w4 ,poor1 ,d4,d41 now of ,philadelphia4 ,he had been settled at ,fair ,haven1 near ,new ,bedford1 and was then a pastor in ,newark4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,in ,,the ,,school ,,of ,,suffering4 #ahea-aheh4 ,i4 ,removal to ,new ,york and first ,summer there4 ,letters4 ,loss of ,sleep and ,anxiety about ,eddy4 ,extracts from ,eddy's ,journal1 describing his last ,illness and ,death4 ,lines entitled ,to my ,dying ,eddy4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss' removal to ,new ,york was an important link in the chain of outward events which prepared her for her special life-work4 ,it introduced her at once into a circle unsurpassed1 perhaps1 by any other in the country1 for its intelligence1 its domestic and social virtues1 and its earnest ,christian spirit4 ,the ,mercer street ,presbyterian church contained at that time many members whose names were known and honored the world over1 in the spheres of business1 professional life1 literature1 philanthropy1 and religion2 and among its homes were some that seemed to have attained almost the perfection of beauty4 ,in these homes the new pastor's wife soon became an object of tender love and devotion4 ,here she found herself surrounded by all congenial influences4 ,her mind and heart alike were refreshed and stimulated in the healthiest manner4 ,and to add to her joy1 several dear old friends lived near her and sat in adjoining pews on the ,sabbath4 ,but happy as were the auspices that welcomed her to ,new ,york1 the experience of the past two years had taught her not to expect too much from any outward conditions4 ,she entered1 therefore1 upon this new period of her life in a very sober mood4 ,nor had many months elapsed before she began to hear premonitory murmurs of an incoming sea of trouble4 ,most of the summer of #ahea she remained in town with the children4 ,an extract from a letter to her youngest brother1 dated ,august #a1 will show how she whiled away many a weary hour3 ,it has been very hot this summer2 our house is large and cool1 and above all1 ,i have a nice bathing-room opening out of my chamber1 with hot and cold water and a shower-bath1 which is a world of comfort4 ,we spent part of last week at ,rockaway1 ,l4 ,i41 visiting a friend4 #a ,i nearly froze to death1 but ,george and the children were much benefited4 ,i have improved fast in health since we came here4 ,yesterday ,i walked two and a half miles with ,george1 and a year ago at this time ,i could not walk a quarter of a mile without being sick after it for some days4 ,when ,i feel miserably ,i just put on my bonnet and get into an omnibus and go rattlety-bang down town2 the air and the shaking and the jolting and the sight-seeing make me feel better and so ,i get along4 ,if ,i could safely leave my children ,i should go with ,george4 ,he hates to go alone and surely ,i hate to be left alone2 in fact instead of liking each other's society less and less1 we every day get more and more dependent on each other1 and take separation harder and harder4 ,our children are well4 ,to her husband1 who had gone to visit an old friend1 at ,harpswell1 on the coast of ,maine1 she writes a few days later3 ,on ,saturday very early ,professor ,smith called with the ,house of ,seven ,gables4 ,i read about half of it in the evening4 ,one sees the hand of the artist as clearly in such a work as in painting1 and the hand of a skilful one1 too4 ,i have read many books with more interest1 but never one in which ,i was so diverted from the story to a study of the author himself4 ,so far there is nothing exciting in it4 ,i don't know who supplied the pulpit on ,sunday morning4 ,the sermon was to young men1 which was not so appropriate as it might have been1 considering there were no young men present1 unless ,i except our ,eddy and other sprigs of humanity of his age4 ,i suppose you will wonder what in the world ,i let ,eddy go for4 ,well1 ,i took a fancy to let ,margaret try him1 as nobody would know him in the gallery and he coaxed so prettily to go4 ,he was highly excited at the permission1 and as ,i was putting on his sacque1 ,i directed ,margaret to take it off if he fell asleep4 ,ho6 ,i shan't go to sleep1 quoth he2 ,christ doesn't have rocking-chairs in ,his house4 ,he set off in high spirits1 and during the long prayer ,i heard him laugh loud2 soon after ,i heard a rattling as of a parasol and ,eddy saying1 ,there it is6 by which time ,margaret1 finding he was going to begin a regular frolic1 sagely took him out4 ,august #gth--,the five girls from ,brooklyn all spent yesterday here4 ,they had a regular frolic towards night1 bathing and shower-bathing4 ,afterwards we all went on top of the house4 ,it was very pleasant up there4 ,i took the children to ,barnum's ,museum1 as ,i proposed doing4 ,they were delighted1 particularly with the ,happy ,family1 which consisted of cats1 rats1 birds1 dogs1 rabbits1 monkeys1 etc41 etc41 dwelling together in unity4 ,i observed that though the cats forbore to lay a paw upon the rats and mice about them1 they yet took a melancholy pleasure in looking at these dainty morsels1 from which nothing could persuade them to turn off their eyes4 ,i am glad that you got away from ,new ,bedford alive and that you did not stay longer1 but hearing about our friends there made me quite long to see them myself4 ,do have just the best time in the world at ,harpswell1 and don't let the ,rev4 ,elijah drown you for the sake of catching your mantle as you go down4 ,i dare not tell you how much ,i miss you1 lest you should think ,i do not rejoice in your having this vacation4 ,may ,god bless and keep you4 ,during the autumn she suffered much again from feeble health and incessant loss of sleep4 ,i have often thought1 she wrote to a friend1 that while so stupefied by sickness ,i should not be glad to see my own mother if ,i had to speak to her4 ,but neither sick days nor sleepless nights could quench the ,brightness of her spirit or wholly spoil her enjoyment of life4 ,a little diary which she kept contains many gleams of sunshine1 recording pleasant visits from old friends1 happy hours and walks with the children1 excursions to ,newark1 and how amazingly she enjoyed the boys 7her brothers7 on their return from the pursuit of golden dreams in ,california4 ,in the month of ,november the diary shows that her watchful eye observed in ,eddy signs of disease1 which filled her with anxiety4 ,before the close of the year her worst fears began to be realised4 ,she wrote1 ,dec4 #ca3 ,i am under a constant pressure of anxiety about ,eddy4 ,how little we know what the ,new ,year will bring forth4 ,early in ,january1 #aheb1 his symptoms assumed a fatal type1 and on the #afth of the same month the beautiful boy was released from his sufferings1 and found rest in the kingdom of heaven1 that sweet home of the little children4 ,a few extracts from ,eddy's journal will tell the story of his last days3 ,on the #aith of ,december the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,poor was here4 ,on hearing of it1 ,eddy said he wanted to see him4 ,as he took now so little interest in anything that would cost him an effort1 ,i was surprised1 but told ,annie to lead him down to the parlor2 on reaching it they found ,mr4 ,poor not there1 and they then went up to the study4 ,i heard their father's joyous greeting as he opened his door for them1 and how he welcomed ,eddy1 in particular1 with a perfect shower of kisses and caresses4 ,this was the last time the dear child's own feet ever took him there2 but his father afterwards frequently carried him up in his arms and amused him with pictures1 especially with what ,eddy called the bear books4 #b ,one morning ,ellen told him she was going to make a little pie for his dinner1 but on his next appearance in the kitchen told him she had let it burn all up in the oven1 and that she felt dreadfully about it4 ,never mind1 ,ellie1 said he1 mamma does not like to have me eat pie2 but when ,i get well ,i shall have as many as ,i want4 ,on the #bdth of ,december ,mr4 ,stearns and ,anna were here4 ,i was out with the latter most of the day2 on my return ,eddy came to me with a little flag which his uncle had given him1 and after they had left us he ran up and down with it1 and as my eye followed him1 ,i thought he looked happier and brighter and more like himself than ,i had seen him for a long time4 ,he kept saying1 ,mr4 ,stearns gave me this flag6 and then would correct himself and say1 ,i mean my ,uncle ,stearns4 ,on this night he hung up his bag for his presents1 and after going to bed1 surveyed it with a chuckle of pleasure peculiar to him1 and finally fell asleep in this happy mood4 ,i took great delight in arranging his and ,a4's presents1 and getting them safely into their bags4 ,he enjoyed ,christmas as much as ,i had reason to expect he would1 in his state of health1 and was busy among his new playthings all day4 ,he had taken a fancy within a few weeks to kneel at family prayers with me at my chair1 and would throw one little arm round my neck1 while with the other hand he so prettily and seriously covered his eyes4 ,as their heads touched my face as they knelt1 ,i observed that ,eddy's felt hot when compared with ,a4's2 just enough so to increase my uneasiness4 ,on entering the nursery on ,new ,year's morning1 ,i was struck with his appearance as he lay in bed2 his face being spotted all over4 ,on asking ,margaret about it1 she said he had been crying1 and that this occasioned the spots4 ,this did not seem probable to me1 for ,i had never seen anything of this kind on his face before4 ,how little ,i knew that these were the last tears my darling would ever shed4 ,on ,sunday morning1 ,january #d1 not being able to come himself1 ,dr4 ,buck sent ,dr4 ,watson in his place4 ,i told ,dr4 ,w4 that ,i thought ,eddy had water on the brain2 he said it was not so1 and ordered nothing but a warm bath4 ,on ,thursday1 ,january #h1 while ,margaret was at dinner1 ,i knelt by the side of the cradle1 rocking it very gently1 and he asked me to tell him a story4 ,i asked what about1 and he said1 ,a little boy1 on which ,i said something like this3 ,mamma knows a dear little boy who was very sick4 ,his head ached and he felt sick all over4 ,god said1 ,i must let that little lamb come into my fold2 then his head will never ache again1 and he will be a very happy little lamb4 ,i used the words little lamb because he was so fond of them4 ,often he would run to his nurse with his face full of animation and say1 ,marget6 ,mamma says ,i am her little lamb6 ,while ,i was telling him this story his eyes were fixed intelligently on my face4 ,i then said1 ,would you like to know the name of this boy8 ,with eagerness he said1 ,yes1 yes1 mamma6 ,taking his dear little hand in mine1 and kissing it1 ,i said1 ,it was ,eddy4 ,just then his nurse came in and his attention was diverted1 so ,i said no more4 ,on ,sunday1 ,january #aa1 at noon1 while they were all at dinner1 ,i was left alone with my darling for a few moments1 and could not help kissing his unconscious lips4 ,to my utter amazement he looked up and plainly recognised me and warmly returned my kiss4 ,then he said feebly1 but distinctly twice1 ,i want some meat and potato4 ,i do not think ,i should have been more delighted if he had risen from the dead1 once more to recognise me4 ,oh1 it was such a comfort to have one more kiss1 and to be able to gratify one more wish6 ,on ,friday1 ,january #afth1 his little weary sighs became more profound1 and1 as the day advanced1 more like groans2 but appeared to indicate extreme fatigue1 rather than severe pain4 ,towards night his breathing became quick and laborious1 and between seven and eight slight spasms agitated his little feeble frame4 ,he uttered cries of distress for a few minutes1 when they ceased1 and his loving and gentle spirit ascended to that world where thousands of holy children and the blessed company of angels and our blessed ,lord ,jesus1 ,i doubt not1 joyfully welcomed him4 ,now we were able to say1 ,it is well with the child6 ,oh1 said the gardener1 as he passed down the garden-walk1 who plucked that flower8 ,who gathered that plant8 ,his fellow-servants answered1 ,the ,,master6 ,and the gardener held his peace4 ,the feelings of the mother's heart on ,friday found vent in some lines entitled ,to ,my ,dying ,eddy2 ,january #afth4 ,here are two stanzas3 ,blest child6 dear child6 ,for thee is ,jesus calling2 ,and of our household thee--and only thee6 ,oh1 hasten hence6 to ,his embraces hasten6 ,sweet shall thy rest and safe thy shelter be4 ,thou who unguarded ne'er hast left our threshold1 ,alone must venture now an unknown way2 ,yet1 fear not6 ,footprints of an ,infant ,holy ,lie on thy path4 ,thou canst not go astray4 ,in a letter to her friend ,mrs4 ,allen1 of ,new ,bedford1 dated ,january #bh1 she writes3 ,during our dear little ,eddy's illness we were surrounded with kind friends1 and many prayers were offered for us and for him4 ,nothing that could alleviate our affliction was left undone or unthought of1 and we feel that it would be most unchristian and ungrateful in us to even wonder at that ,divine will which has bereaved us of our only boy--the light and sunshine of our household4 ,we miss him sadly4 ,i need not explain to you1 who know all about it1 how sadly2 but we rejoice that he has got away from this troublous life1 and that we have had the privilege of giving so dear a child to ,god4 ,when he was well he was one of the happiest creatures ,i ever saw1 and ,i am sure he is well now1 and that he is as happy as his joyous nature makes him susceptible of becoming4 ,god has been most merciful to us in this affliction1 and1 if a bereaved1 we are still a happy household and full of thanksgiving4 ,give my love to both the children and tell them they must not forget us1 and when they think and talk of their dear brother and sisters in heaven1 they must sometimes think of the little ,eddy who is there too4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,birth of her ,third ,child4 ,reminiscence of a ,sabbath-,evening ,talk4 ,story of the ,baby's ,sudden ,illness and ,death4 ,summer of #aheb4 ,lines entitled ,my ,nursery4 ,the shock of ,eddy's death proved almost too much for ,mrs4 ,prentiss' enfeebled frame4 ,she bore it1 however1 with sweet submission1 and on the #agth of the following ,april her sorrow was changed to joy1 and ,eddy's empty place filled1 as she thought1 by the birth of ,elizabeth1 her third child1 a picture of infantine health and beauty4 ,but1 although the child seemed perfectly well1 the mother herself was brought to the verge of the grave4 ,for a week or two her life wavered in the balance1 and she was quite in the mood to follow ,eddy to the better country4 ,her husband1 recording a long and most interesting conversation with her on ,sabbath evening1 ,may #b;d1 speaks of the depth and tenderness of her religious feelings1 of her sense of sin and of the grace and glory of the ,saviour1 and then adds1 ,her old ,richmond exercises seem of late to have returned with their former strength and beauty increased many-fold4 ,on the #adth of ,may she was able to write in pencil these lines to her sister1 ,mrs4 ,hopkins3 ,i little thought that ,i should ever write to you again1 but ,i have been brought through a great deal1 and now have reason to expect to get well4 ,i never knew how much ,i loved you till ,i gave up all hope of ever seeing you again1 and ,i have not strength yet to tell you all about it4 ,poor ,george has suffered much4 ,i hope all will be blessed to him and to me4 ,i am still confined to bed4 ,the doctor thinks there may be an abscess near the hip-joint1 and1 till that is cured1 ,i can neither lie straight in bed or stand on my feet or ride out4 ,everybody is kind4 ,our cup has run over4 ,it is a sore trial not to be allowed to nurse baby4 ,she is kept in another room4 ,i only see her once a day4 ,she begins to smile1 and is very bright-eyed4 ,i hope your journey will do you good4 ,if you can1 do write a few lines--not more4 ,but1 good-by4 ,hardly had she penned these lines1 when1 like a thunderbolt from a clear sky1 another stunning blow fell upon her4 ,on the #aith of ,may1 after an illness of a few hours1 ,bessie1 too1 was folded forever in the arms of the ,good ,shepherd4 ,here is the mother's own story of her loss3 ,our darling ,eddy died on the #afth of ,january4 ,the baby he had so often spoken of was born on the #agth of ,april4 ,i was too feeble to have any care of her4 ,never had her in my arms but twice2 once the day before she died and once while she was dying4 ,i never saw her little feet4 ,she was a beautiful little creature1 with a great quantity of dark hair and very dark blue eyes4 ,the nurse had to keep her in another room on account of my illness4 ,when she was a month old she brought her to me one afternoon4 ,this child is perfectly beautiful1 said she2 to-morrow ,i mean to dress her up and have her likeness taken4 ,i asked her to get me up in bed and let me take her a minute4 ,she objected1 and ,i urged her a good deal1 till at last she consented4 ,the moment ,i took her ,i was struck by her unearthly1 absolutely angelic expression2 and1 not having strength enough to help it1 burst out crying bitterly1 and cried all the afternoon while ,i was struggling to give her up4 ,her father was at ,newark4 ,when he came home at dark ,i told him ,i was sure that baby was going to die4 ,he laughed at me1 said my weak health made me fancy it1 and asked the nurse if the child was not well4 ,she said she was--perfectly well4 ,my presentiment remained1 however1 in full force1 and the first thing next morning ,i asked ,margaret to go and see how baby was4 ,she came back1 saying1 ,she is very well4 ,she lies there on the bed scolding to herself4 ,i cried out to have her instantly brought to me4 ,m4 refused1 saying the nurse would be displeased4 ,but my anxieties were excited by the use of the word scolding1 as ,i knew no baby a month old did anything of that sort1 and insisted on its being brought to me4 ,the instant ,i touched it ,i felt its head to be of a burning heat1 and sent for the nurse at once4 ,when she came1 ,i said1 ,this child is very sick4 ,yes1 she said1 but ,i wanted you to have your breakfast first4 ,at one o'clock in the night ,i found a little swelling4 ,i do not know what it is1 but the child is certainly very sick4 ,on examination ,i knew it was erysipelas4 ,don't say that1 said the nurse1 and burst into tears4 ,i made them get me up and partly dress me1 as ,i was so excited ,i could not stay in bed4 ,dr4 ,buck came at ten o'clock2 he expressed no anxiety1 but prescribed for her and ,george went out to get what he ordered4 ,the nurse brought her to me at eleven o'clock and begged me to observe that the spot had turned black4 ,i knew at once that this was fearful1 fatal disease1 and entreated ,george to go and tell the doctor4 ,he went to please me1 though he saw no need of it1 and gave the wrong message to the doctor1 to the effect that the swelling was increasing1 to which the doctor replied that it naturally would do so4 ,the little creature1 whose moans ,margaret had termed scolding1 now was heard all over that floor2 every breath a moan that tore my heart in pieces4 ,i begged to have her brought to me but the nurse sent word she was too sick to be moved4 ,i then begged the nurse to come and tell me exactly what she thought of her1 but she said she could not leave her4 ,i then crawled on my hands and knees into the room1 being unable then and for a long time after to bear my own weight4 ,what a scene our nursery presented6 ,everything upset and tossed about1 medicines here and there on the floor1 a fire like a fiery furnace1 and ,miss ,h4 sitting hopelessly and with falling tears with the baby on a pillow in her lap--all its boasted beauty gone forever4 ,the sight was appalling and its moans heart-rending4 ,george came and got me back to my sofa and said he felt as if he should jump out of the window every time he heard that dreadful sound4 ,he had to go out and made me promise not to try to go to the nursery till his return4 ,i foolishly promised4 ,mrs4 ,white #c called1 and ,i told her ,i was going to lose my baby2 she was very kind and went in to see it but ,i believe expressed no opinion as to its state4 ,but she repeated an expression which ,i repeated to myself many times that day1 and have repeated thousands of times since--,god never makes a mistake4 ,margaret went soon after she left to see how the poor little creature was1 and did not come back4 ,hour after hour passed and no one came4 ,i lay racked with cruel torture1 bitterly regretting my promise to ,george1 listening to those moans till ,i was nearly wild4 ,then in a frenzy of despair ,i pulled myself over to my bureau1 where ,i had arranged the dainty little garments my darling was to wear1 and which ,i had promised myself so much pleasure in seeing her wear4 ,i took out everything she would need for her burial1 with a sort of wild pleasure in doing for her one little service1 where ,i had hoped before to render so many4 ,she it was whom we expected to fill our lost ,eddy's vacant place2 we thought we had had our sorrow and that now our joy had come4 ,as ,i lay back exhausted1 with these garments on my breast1 ,louisa ,shipman #d opened the door4 ,one glance at my piteous face1 for oh1 how glad ,i was to see her6 made her burst into tears before she knew what she was crying for4 ,oh1 go bring me news from my poor dying baby6 ,i almost screamed1 as she approached me4 ,and see1 here are her grave-clothes4 ,oh1 ,lizzy1 have you gone crazy8 cried she1 with a fresh burst of tears4 ,i besought her to go1 told her how my promise bound me1 made her listen to those terrible sounds which two doors could not shut out4 ,as she left the room she met ,dr4 ,b4 and they went to the nursery together4 ,she soon came back1 quiet and composed1 but very sorrowful4 ,yes1 she is dying1 said she1 the doctor says so2 she will not live an hour4 444 ,at last we heard the sound of ,george's key4 ,louise ran to call him4 ,i crawled once more to the nursery1 and snatched my baby in fierce triumph from the nurse4 ,at least once ,i would hold my child1 and nobody should prevent me4 ,george1 pale as death1 baptized her as ,i held her in my trembling arms2 there were a few more of those terrible1 never-to-be-forgotten sounds1 and at seven o'clock we were once more left with only one child4 ,a short1 sharp conflict1 and our baby was gone4 ,dr4 ,b4 came in later and said the whole thing was to him like a thunderclap--as it was to her poor father4 ,to me it followed closely on the presentiment that in some measure prepared me for it4 ,here ,i sit with empty hands4 ,i have had the little coffin in my arms1 but my baby's face could not be seen1 so rudely had death marred it4 ,empty hands1 empty hands1 a worn-out1 exhausted body1 and unutterable longings to flee from a world that has had for me so many sharp experiences4 ,god help me1 my baby1 my baby6 ,god help me1 my little lost ,eddy6 ,but although the death of these two children tore with anguish the mother's heart1 she made no show of grief1 and to the eye of the world her life soon appeared to move on as aforetime4 ,never again1 however1 was it exactly the same life4 ,she had entered into the fellowship of ,christ's sufferings1 and the new experience wrought a great change in her whole being4 ,a part of the summer and the early autumn of #aheb were passed among kind friends at ,newport1 in ,portland1 and at the ,ocean ,house on ,cape ,elizabeth4 ,she returned much refreshed1 and gave herself up cheerfully to her accustomed duties4 ,but a cloud rested still upon her home1 and at times the old grief came back again with renewed poignancy4 ,here are a few lines expressive of her feelings4 ,they were written in pencil on a little scrap of paper3 ,,my ,,nursery4 #aheb4 ,i thought that prattling boys and girls ,would fill this empty room2 ,that my rich heart would gather flowers ,from childhood's opening bloom4 ,one child and two green graves are mine1 ,this is ,god's gift to me2 ,a bleeding1 fainting1 broken heart-- ,this is my gift to ,thee4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,summer at ,white ,lake4 ,sudden ,death of her ,cousin1 ,miss ,shipman4 ,quarantined4 ,little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays4 ,how she wrote it4 ,the ,flower of the ,family4 ,her ,motive in writing it4 ,letter of ,sympathy to a bereaved ,mother4 ,a ,summer at the ,seaside4 ,henry and ,bessie4 ,the year #ahec was passed quietly and in better health4 ,in the early summer she made a delightful visit at ,the ,island1 near ,west ,point1 the home of the author of ,the ,wide1 ,wide ,world4 ,she was warmly attached to ,miss ,warner and her sister1 and hardly less so to their father and aunt1 whose presence then adorned that pleasant home with so much light and sweetness4 ,early in ,august she went with her husband and child to ,white ,lake1 ,sullivan ,co41 ,n4 ,y41 where1 in company with several families from the ,mercer street church1 she spent six weeks in breathing the pure country air1 and in healthful outdoor exercise4 #e ,about the middle of ,october she was greatly distressed by the sudden death of the young cousin1 already mentioned1 who was staying with her during her husband's absence on a visit to ,new ,bedford4 ,miss ,shipman was a bright1 attractive girl1 and enthusiastic in her devotion to ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,the latter1 in a letter to her husband1 dated ,saturday morning1 ,october #aeth1 #ahec1 writes3 ,i imagine you enjoying this fine morning1 and can't rejoice enough1 that you are having such weather4 ,a4 is bright and well and is playing in her baby-house and singing4 ,louise is still quite sick1 and ,i see no prospect of her not remaining so for some time4 ,the morning after you left ,i thought to be sure she had the small-pox4 ,the doctor1 however1 calls it a rash4 ,it makes her look dreadfully and feel dreadfully4 ,she gets hardly a moment of sleep and takes next to no nourishment4 ,arrowroot is all the doctor allows4 ,he comes twice a day and seems very kind and full of compassion4 ,she crawled down this morning to the nursery1 and seems to be asleep now4 ,mrs4 ,bull very kindly offered to come and do anything if ,louise should need it1 but ,i do not think she will be sick enough for that4 ,i feel well and able to do all that is necessary4 ,the last proof-sheets came last night1 so that job is off my hands4 #f ,and now1 darling1 ,i can't tell you how ,i miss you4 ,i never missed you more in my life1 if as much4 ,i hope you are having a nice visit4 ,give my love to ,capt4 and ,mrs4 ,gibbs and all our friends4 ,your most loving little wife4 ,on the following ,wednesday1 ,october #aith1 she writes to her husband's mother3 ,you will be shocked to hear that ,louisa ,shipman died on ,sunday night and was buried yesterday4 ,her disease was spotted fever of the most malignant character1 and raged with great fury4 ,she dropped away most unexpectedly to us1 before ,i had known five minutes that she was in danger1 and ,i came near being entirely alone with her4 ,dr4 ,m4 happened to be here and also her mother-in-law2 but ,i had been alone in the house with her all day4 ,it is a dreadful shock to us all1 and ,i feel perfectly stupefied4 ,george got home in time for the funeral1 but ,dr4 ,skinner performed the services4 ,anna will go home to-morrow and tell you all about it4 ,she and ,mr4 ,s4 slept away1 as the upper part of the house is airing2 and to-night they will sleep at ,prof4 ,smith's4 ,the case was even more fearful than she supposed while writing this letter4 ,upon her describing it to ,dr4 ,buck1 who called a few hours later1 he exclaimed1 ,why1 it was malignant small-pox6 ,you must all be vaccinated instantly and have the bedding and house disinfected4 ,this was done2 but it was too late4 ,her little daughter had the disease1 though in a mild form2 and one of her brothers1 who was passing the autumn with her1 had it so severely as barely to escape with his life4 ,she herself became a nurse to them both1 and passed the next two months quarantined within her own walls4 ,to her husband's mother she wrote3 ,i am not allowed to see anyone--am very lonesome1 and hope ,anna will write and tell me every little thing about you all4 ,the scenes ,i have lately passed through make me tremble when ,i think what a fatal malady lurks in every corner of our house4 ,and speaking after the manner of men1 does it not seem almost incredible that this child1 watched from her birth like the apple of our eyes1 should yet fall into the jaws of this loathsome disease8 ,i see more and more that parents must leave their children to ,providence4 ,in the early part of this year ,mrs4 ,prentiss wrote ,little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays1 the book that has given so much delight to tens of thousands of little children1 wherever the ,english tongue is spoken4 ,like most of her books1 it was an inspiration and was composed with the utmost rapidity4 ,she read the different chapters1 as they were written1 to her husband1 child and brother1 who all with one voice expressed their admiration4 ,in about ten days the work was finished4 ,the manuscript was in a clear1 delicate hand and without an erasure4 ,upon its publication it was at once recognised as a production of real genius1 inimitable in its kind1 and neither the popular verdict nor the verdict of the children as to its merits has ever changed4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 as has been stated already1 began to write for the press at an early age4 ,but from the time of her going to ,richmond till #ahec--;a period of thirteen years--her pen was well nigh idle1 except in the way of correspondence4 ,when1 therefore1 she gave herself again to literary labor1 it was with a largely increased fund of knowledge and experience upon which to draw4 ,these thirteen years had taught her rich lessons1 both in literature and in life4 ,they had been especially fruitful in revealing to her the heart of childhood and quickening her sympathy with its joys and sorrows4 ,and all these lessons prepared her to write ,little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays and the other ,susy books4 ,the year #ahed was marked by the birth of her fourth child1 and by the publication of ,the ,flower of the ,family4 ,this work was received with great favor both at home and abroad4 ,it was soon translated into ,french under the title1 ,la ,fleur de la ,famille1 and later into ,german under the title1 ,die ,perle der ,familie4 ,in both languages it received the warmest praise4 ,in a letter to her friend ,mrs4 ,clark1 of ,portland1 she thus refers to this book3 ,i long to have it doing good4 ,i never had such desires about anything in my life2 and ,i never sat down to write without first praying that ,i might not be suffered to write anything that would do harm1 and that1 on the contrary1 ,i might be taught to say what would do good4 ,and it has been a great comfort to me that every word of praise ,i ever have received from others concerning it has been it will do good1 and this ,i have had from so many sources that amid much trial and sickness ever since its publication1 ,i have had rays of sunshine creeping in now and then to cheer and sustain me4 ,to the same friend1 just bereft of her two children1 she writes a few months later3 ,is it possible1 is it possible that you are made childless8 ,i feel distressed for you1 my dear friend2 ,i long to fly to you and weep with you2 it seems as if ,i must say or do something to comfort you4 ,but ,god only can help you now1 and how thankful ,i am for a throne of grace and power where ,i can commend you1 again and again1 to ,him who doeth all things well4 ,i never realise my own affliction in the loss of my children as ,i do when death enters the house of a friend4 ,then ,i feel that ,i can't have it so4 ,but why should ,i think ,i know better than my ,divine ,master what is good for me1 or good for those ,i love6 ,dear ,carrie1'6 trust that in this hour of sorrow you have with you that ,presence1 before which alone sorrow and sighing flee away4 ,god is left2 ,christ is left2 sickness1 accident1 death can not touch you here4 ,is not this a blissful thought8444 ,as ,i sit at my desk my eye is attracted by the row of books before me1 and what a comment on life are their very titles3 ,songs in the ,night1 ,light on ,little ,graves1 ,the ,night of ,weeping1 ,the ,death of ,little ,children1 ,the ,folded ,lamb1 ,the ,broken ,bud1 these have strayed one by one into my small enclosure1 to speak peradventure a word in season unto my weariness4 ,and yet1 dear ,carrie1 this is not all of life4 ,you and ,i have tasted some of its highest joys1 as well as its deepest sorrows1 and it has in reserve for us only just what is best for us4 ,may sorrow bring us both nearer to ,christ6 ,i can almost fancy my little ,eddy has taken your little ,maymee by the hand and led her to the bosom of ,jesus4 ,how strange our children1 our own little infants1 have seen ,him in ,his glory1 whom we are only yet longing for and struggling towards6 ,if it will not frighten you to own a ,unitarian book1 there is one called ,christian ,consolation by ,rev4 ,a4 ,p4 ,peabody1 that ,i think you would find very profitable4 ,i see nothing1 or next to nothing1 ,unitarian in it1 while it is full of rich1 holy experience4 ,one sermon on ,contingent ,events and ,providence touches your case exactly4 ,no event of special importance marked the year #ahee4 ,she spent the month of ,july among her friends in ,portland1 and the next six weeks at the ,ocean ,house on ,cape ,elizabeth4 ,this was one of her favorite places of rest4 ,she never tired of watching the waves and their multitudinous laughter1 of listening to the roar of the breakers1 or climbing the rocks and wandering along the shore in quest of shells and sea-grasses4 ,in gathering and pressing the latter1 she passed many a happy hour4 ,in ,august of this year appeared one of her best children's books1 ,henry and ,bessie2 or1 ,what they ,did in the ,country4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,a ,memorable ,year4 ,lines on the ,anniversary of ,eddy's ,death4 ,extracts from her ,journal4 ,little ,susy's ,six ,teachers4 ,the ,teachers' ,meeting4 ,a ,new ,york ,waif4 ,summer in the ,country4 ,letters4 ,little ,susy's ,little ,servants4 ,extracts from her ,journal4 ,alone with ,god4 ,the records of the year #ahef are singularly full and interesting4 ,it was a year of poignant suffering1 of sharp conflicts of soul1 and of great peace and joy4 ,its earlier months1 especially1 were shadowed by a dark cloud of anxiety and distress4 ,and her feeble bodily state caused by care-worn days and sleepless nights1 added to the trouble4 ,old sorrows1 too1 came back again4 ,on the #afth of ,january1 the anniversary of ,eddy's death1 she gave vent to her feelings in some pathetic verses1 of which the following lines form a part3 ,four years1 four weary years1 my child1 ,four years ago to-night1 ,with parting cry of anguish wild ,thy spirit took its flight2 ah me6 ,took its eternal flight4 ,and in that hour of mortal strife ,i thought ,i felt the throe1 ,the birth-pang of a grief1 whose life ,must soothe my tearless woe1 must soothe ,and ease me of my woe4 ,yet folded far through all these years1 ,folded from mortal eyes1 ,lying alas too deep for tears1 ,unborn1 unborn it lies1 within ,my heart of heart it lies4 ,my sinless child6 upon thy knees ,before the ,master pray2 ,methinks thy infant hands might seize ,and shed upon my way sweet peace2 ,sweet peace upon my way4 ,here follow some extracts from her journal4 ,jan #c;d4 #ahef4--;,had no time to write on ,new ,year's day1 as we had a host of callers4 ,it was a very hard day1 as ,i was quite unwell1 and had at last to give up and go to bed4 #aeth--,am quite uneasy about baby1 as it seems almost impossible she should long endure such severe pain and want of sleep4 ,my life is a very anxious one4 ,i feel every day more and more longing for my home in heaven4 ,sometimes ,i fear it amounts almost to a sinful longing--for surely ,i ought to be willing to live or die1 just as ,god pleases4 ,feb4 #ast4--,i have had no heart to make a record of what has befallen us since ,i last wrote4 ,and yet ,i may1 sometime1 want to recall this experience1 painful as it is4 ,dear little baby had been improving in health1 and on ,wednesday we went to dine at ,mrs4 ,wainright's4 ,we went at four4 ,about eight1 word came that she was ill4 ,when ,i got home ,i found her insensible1 with her eyes wide open1 her breathing terrific1 and her condition in every respect very alarming4 ,just as ,dr4 ,buck was coming in1 she roused a little1 but soon relapsed into the same state4 ,he told us she was dying4 ,i felt like a stone1 ,in a moment ,i seemed to give up my hold on her4 ,she appeared no longer mine but ,god's4 ,it is always so in such great emergencies4 ,then1 my will that struggles so about trifles1 makes no effort4 ,but as we sat hour after hour watching the alternations of color in her purple face and listening to that terrible gasping1 rattling sound1 ,i said to myself ,a few more nights like this1 and ,i do believe my body and soul would yield to such anguish4 ,oh1 why should ,i try to tell myself what a night it was4 ,god knows1 ,god only6 ,how ,he has smitten me by means of this child1 ,he well knows4 ,she remained thus about twelve hours4 ,twelve hours of martyrdom to me such as ,i never had known4 ,then to our unspeakable amazement she roused up1 nursed1 and then fell into a sweet sleep of some hours4 ,sunday1 ,feb4 #c;d4--,the stupor1 or whatever it is1 in which that dreadful night has left me1 is on me still4 ,i have no more sense or feeling than a stone4 ,i kneel down before ,god and do not say a word4 ,i take up a book and read1 but get hold of nothing4 ,at church ,i felt afraid ,i should fall upon the people and tear them4 ,i could wish no one to pity me or even know that ,i am smitten4 ,it does seem to me that those who can sit down and cry1 know nothing of misery4 ,feb4 #dth4--,at last the ice melts and ,i can get near my ,god--my only comfort1 my only joy1 my ,all in all6 ,this morning ,i was able to open my heart to ,him and to cast some of this burden on ,him1 who alone knows what it is4444 ,i see that it is sweet to be a pilgrim and a stranger1 and that it matters very little what befalls me on the way to my blessed home4 ,if ,god pleases to spare my child a little longer1 ,i will be very thankful4 ,may ,he take this season1 when earthly comfort fails me1 to turn me more than ever to ,himself4 ,for some months ,i have enjoyed a great deal in ,him4 ,prayer has been very sweet and ,i have had some glimpses of joys indescribable4 #fth4--,she still lives4 ,i know not what to think4 ,one moment ,i think one thing and the next another4 ,it is harder to submit to this suspense than to a real1 decided blow4 ,but ,i desire to leave it to my ,god4 ,he knows all her history and all mine4 ,he orders all these aggravating circumstances and ,i would not change them4 ,my darling has not lived in vain4 ,for eighteen months she has been the little rod used by my ,father for my chastisement and not1 ,i think1 quite in vain4 ,oh my ,god6 stay not ,thy hand till ,thou hast perfected that which concerneth me4 ,send anything rather than unsanctified prosperity4 ,feb4 #ajth4--,to help divert my mind from such incessant brooding over my sorrows1 ,i am writing a new book4 ,i had just begun it when baby's ill-turn arrested me4 ,i trust it may do some little good2 at least ,i would not dare to write it1 if it could do none4 ,may ,god bless it6 ,feb4 #adth4--,wanted to go to the prayer-meeting but concluded to take ,a4 to hear ,gough at the ,tabernacle4 ,seeing such a crowd always makes me long to be in that happy crowd of saints and angels in heaven1 and hearing children sing so sweetly made me pray for an entrance into the singing1 praising multitude there4 ,oh1 when shall ,i be one of that blessed company who sin not6 ,my book is done2 may ,god bless it to one child at least--then it will not have been wasted time4 ,the book referred to was ,little ,susy's ,six ,teachers4 ,it was published in the spring1 and at once took its place beside the ,six ,birthdays in the hearts of the children2 a place it still continues to hold4 ,the six teachers are ,mrs4 ,love1 ,mr4 ,pain1 ,aunt ,patience1 ,mr4 ,ought1 ,miss ,joy1 and the angel ,faith4 ,at the end of six years they hold a meeting and report to little ,susy's parents what they have been doing4 ,the closing chapter1 herewith quoted1 gives an account of this meeting1 and may serve as a specimen of the style and spirit of all the ,little ,susy books4 ,if ,mr4 ,pain is to be at the meeting1 ,i can't go1 said ,miss ,joy4 ,she stood on tip-toe before the glass1 dressing herself in holiday clothes4 ,perhaps he would be willing to leave his rod behind him1 said ,mrs4 ,love4 ,i will ask him at all events4 ,mr4 ,pain thought he should not feel at home without his rod4 ,he said he always liked to have it in his hands1 whether he was to use it or not4 ,miss ,joy was full of fun and mischief about this time1 so she slipped up slyly behind ,mr4 ,pain while he was talking and snatched away the rod before he could turn round4 ,mrs4 ,love smiled on seeing this little trick1 and they all went down to the parlor and seated themselves with much gravity4 ,little ,susy sat in the midst in her own low chair looking wide awake1 you may depend4 ,her papa and mamma sat on each side like two judges4 ,mrs4 ,love rocked herself in the rocking-chair in a contented1 easy way2 and ,aunt ,patience1 who liked to do such things1 helped ,miss ,joy to find the leaves of her report--which might have been rose-leaves1 they were so small4 ,mr4 ,ought looked very good indeed1 and the angel ,faith shone across the room like a sunbeam4 ,susy will be six years old to-morrow1 said her papa4 ,you have all been teaching her ever since she was born4 ,we will now listen to your reports and hear what you have taught her1 and whether you have done her any good4 ,they were all silent1 but everybody looked at ,mrs4 ,love as much as to say she should begin4 ,mrs4 ,love took out a little book with a sky-blue cover and began to read3 ,i have not done much for ,susy1 but love her dearly2 and ,i have not taught her much1 but to love everybody4 ,when she was a baby ,i tried to teach her to smile1 but ,i don't think ,i could have taught her if ,miss ,joy had not helped me4 ,and when she was sick1 ,i was always sorry for her1 and tried to comfort her4 ,you have done her a great deal of good1 said ,susy's papa1 we will engage you to stay six years longer1 should ,god spare her life4 ,then ,mr4 ,pain took up his book4 ,it had a black cover1 but the leaves were gilt-edged and the cover was spangled with stars4 ,i have punished ,susy a good many times1 said ,mr4 ,pain4 ,sometimes ,i slapped her with my hand2 sometimes ,i struck her with my rod2 sometimes ,i made her sick2 but ,i never did any of these things because ,i was angry with her or liked to hurt her4 ,i only came when ,mrs4 ,love called me4 ,you have taught her excellent lessons1 said ,susy's papa1 if it had not been for you she would be growing up disobedient and selfish4 ,you may stay six years longer4 ,then ,mr4 ,pain made a low bow and said he was thinking of going away and sending his brother1 ,mr4 ,sorrow1 and his sister1 ,mrs4 ,disappointment1 to take his place4 ,oh1 no6 cried ,susy's mamma1 not yet1 not yet6 ,susy is still so little6 ,then ,mr4 ,pain said he would stay without a rod1 as ,susy was now too old to be whipped4 ,then ,miss ,joy took up her book with its rainbow cover and tried to read4 ,but she laughed so heartily all the time1 and her leaves kept flying out of her hands at such a rate1 that it was not possible to understand what she was saying4 ,it was all about clapping hands and running races1 and picking flowers and having a good time4 ,everybody laughed just because she laughed1 and ,susy's papa could hardly keep his face grave long enough to say3 ,you have done more good than tongue can tell4 ,you have made her just such a merry1 happy1 laughing little creature as ,i wanted her to be4 ,you must certainly stay six years longer4 ,then ,mr4 ,ought drew forth his book4 ,it had silver covers and its leaves were of the most delicate tissue4 ,i have taught little ,susy to be good1 said he4 ,never to touch what is not hers2 never to speak a word that is not true2 never to have a thought she would not like the great and holy ,god to see4 ,if ,i stay six years longer ,i can teach her a great deal more1 for she begins now to understand my faintest whisper4 ,she is such a little girl as ,i love to live with4 ,then ,susy turned rosy-red with pleasure1 and her papa and mamma got up and shook hands with ,mr4 ,ought and begged him never1 never to leave their darling child as long as she lived4 ,it was now the turn of ,aunt ,patience4 ,her book had covers wrought by her own hands in grave and gay colors well mingled together4 ,when ,i first came here1 she said1 ,susy used to cry a great deal whenever she was hurt or punished4 ,when she was sick she was very hard to please4 ,when she sat down to learn to sew and to read and to write1 she would break her thread in anger1 or throw her book on the floor1 or declare she never could learn4 ,but now she has left off crying when she is hurt1 and tries to bear the pain quietly4 ,when she is sick she does not fret or complain1 but takes her medicine without a word4 ,when she is sewing she does not twitch her thread into knots1 and when she is writing she writes slowly and carefully4 ,i have rocked her to sleep a thousand times4 ,i have been shut up in a closet with her again and again1 and ,i hope ,i have done her some good and taught her some useful lessons4 ,indeed you have1 ,aunt ,patience1 said ,susy's papa1 but ,susy is not yet perfect4 ,we shall need you six years longer4 ,and now the little angel ,faith opened his golden book and began to read3 ,i have taught ,susy that there is another world besides this1 and have told her that it is her real home1 and what a beautiful and happy one it is4 ,i have told her a great deal about ,jesus and the holy angels4 ,i do not know much myself4 ,i am not very old1 but if ,i stay here six years longer ,i shall grow wiser and ,i will teach ,susy all ,i learn1 and we will pray together every morning and every night1 till at last she loves the ,lord ,jesus with all her heart and soul and mind and strength4 ,then ,susy's papa and mamma looked at each other and smiled1 and they both said3 ,oh1 beautiful angel1 never leave her6 ,and the angel answered3 ,i will stay with her as long as she lives1 and will never leave her till ,i leave her at the very door of heaven4 ,then the teachers began to put up their books1 and ,susy's papa and mamma kissed her1 and said3 ,we have had a great deal of comfort in our little daughter2 and1 with ,god's blessing1 we shall see her grow up a loving1 patient1 and obedient child--full of joy and peace and rich in faith and good works4 ,so they all bade each other good-night and went thankfully to bed4 ,the next entry in the journal notes a trait of character1 or rather of temperament1 which often excited the wonder and also the anxiety of her friends4 ,it caused her no little discomfort1 but she could never withstand its power4 ,march #bast4--,i have been busy with a sewing fit and find the least interesting piece of work ,i can get hold of1 as great a temptation as the most charming4 ,for if its charm does not absorb my time and thoughts1 the eager haste to finish and get it out of the way1 does4 ,this is my life4 ,i either am stupefied by ill-health or sorrow1 so as to feel no interest in anything1 or am absorbed in whatever business1 work or pleasure ,i have on hand4 ,but neither anxiety about her child1 household cares1 or any work she had in hand1 so absorbed her thoughts as to render her insensible to the sorrows and trials of others4 ,on the contrary1 they served rather to call forth and intensify her kindly sympathies4 ,a single case will illustrate this4 ,a poor little girl--one of those waifs of humanity in which a great city abounds--had been commended to her by a friend4 ,in a letter to this friend1 dated ,march #ag1 #ahef1 she writes3 ,that little girl came1 petticoat and all2 we gave her some breakfast1 and ,i then went down with her to ,avenue ,a4 ,on the way1 she told me that you gave her some money4 ,to my great sorrow we found1 on reaching the school1 that they could not take another one1 as they were already overflowing4 ,as we came out1 ,i saw that the poor little soul was just ready to burst into tears1 and said to her ,now you're disappointed1 ,i know6 whereupon she actually looked up into my face and smiled4 ,you know ,i was afraid ,i never should make her smile1 she looked so forlorn4 ,i brought her home to get some books1 as she said she could read1 and she is to come again to-morrow4 ,a lady to whom ,i told the whole story1 sent me some stockings that would about go on to her big toe2 however1 they will be nice for her little sister4 ,the weather has been so mild that ,i thought it would not be worth while to make her a cloak or anything of that sort2 but next fall ,i shall see that she is comfortably clad1 if she behaves as well as she did the day she was here4 ,oh1 dear6 what a drop in the great bucket of ,new ,york misery1 one such child is6 ,yet somebody must look out for the drops1 and ,i am only too thankful to seize on this one4 ,in ,june she went1 with the children1 to ,westport1 ,conn41 where in rural quiet and seclusion she passed the next three months4 ,here are some extracts from her letters1 written from that place3 ,westport1 ,june #be1 #ahef4 ,we had a most comfortable time getting here2 both the children enjoyed the ride1 and baby seemed unusually bright4 ,judge ,betts was very attentive and kind to us4 ,mrs4 ,g4 grows more and more pleasant every day4 ,we have plenty of good food1 but she worries because ,i do not eat more4 ,you know ,i never was famous for eating meat1 and country dinners are not tempting4 ,you can't think how we enjoy seeing the poultry fed4 ,there are a hundred and eighty hens and chickens1 and you should see baby throw her little hand full of corn to them4 ,we went strawberrying yesterday1 all of us1 and the way she was poked through bars and lifted over stone-walls would have amused you4 ,she is already quite sunburnt2 but ,i think she is looking sweetly4 ,i find myself all the time peeping out of the window1 thinking every step is yours1 or that every wagon holds a letter for me4 ,to ,miss ,a4 ,h4 ,woolsey1 ,westport1 ,june #bg4 ,mr4 ,p4 enclosed your kind note in one of his own1 after first reading it himself1 if you ever heard of such a man4 ,i had to laugh all alone while reading it1 which was not a little provoking4 ,we are having very nice times here indeed4 ,breakfast at eight1 dinner at half-past twelve1 and tea at half-past six1 giving us an afternoon of unprecedented length for such lounging1 strawberrying or egg-hunting as happens to be on the carpet4 ,the air is perfectly loaded with the fragrance of clover blossoms and fresh hay4 ,i never saw such clover in my life2 roses are nothing in comparison4 ,i only want an old nag and a wagon1 so as to drive a load of children about these lovely regions1 and that ,i hope every moment to attain4 ,to be sure1 it would be amazingly convenient if ,i had a table1 and didn't have to sit on the floor to write upon a trunk2 but then one can't have everything1 and ,i am almost too comfortable with what ,i have4 ,a4 is busy reading ,southey to her children2 baby is off searching for eggs1 and her felicity reached its height when she found an ambitious hen had laid two in her carriage1 which little thought what it was coming to the country for4 ,i think the dear child already looks better2 she lives in the open air and enjoys everything4 ,mrs4 ,buck lives about half a mile below us1 and we run back and forth many times a day4 ,i have already caught the country fashion of rushing to the windows the moment a wheel or an opening gate is heard4 ,i fancy everybody is bringing me a letter or else want to send one to the office1 and the only way to do that is to scream at passers-by and ask them if they are going that way4 ,if you hear that ,i am often seen driving a flock of geese down the road1 or climbing stone walls1 or creeping through bar fences1 you needn't believe a word of it1 for ,i am a pattern of propriety1 and pride myself on my dignity4 ,i hope1 now you have begun so charmingly1 that you will write again4 ,you know what letters are in the country4 ,to her ,husband1 ,westport1 ,june #bg4 ,i wonder where you are this lovely morning8 ,having a nice time somewhere1 ,i do hope1 for it is too fine a day to be lost4 ,if you want to know where ,i am1 why ,i'm sitting at the window writing on a trunk that ,i have just lifted into a chair1 in order to make a table4 ,for table there1 is none in this room1 and how am ,i to write a book without one8 ,if ever ,i get down to the village1 ,i hope to buy1 beg1 borrow or steal one1 and until that time am putting off beginning my new ,little ,susy4 #g ,that note from ,miss ,warner1 by the by1 spoke so enthusiastically of the ,six ,teachers that ,i felt compensated for the mortification of hearing -------- call it a nice book4 ,you will be sorry to hear that ,i have no prospect of getting a horse4 ,i am quite disappointed1 as besides the pleasure of driving our children1 ,i hoped to give ,mrs4 ,buck and the boys a share in it4 ,only to think of her bringing up from the city a beefsteak for baby1 and proposing that the doctor should send a small piece for her every day6 ,thank you1 darling1 for your proposal about the ,ocean ,house4 ,i trust no such change will be needful4 ,we are all comfortable now1 the weather is delicious1 and there are so many pretty walks about here1 that ,i am only afraid ,i shall be too well off4 ,everything about the country is charming to me1 and ,i never get tired of it4 ,the first few days nurse seemed a good deal out of sorts2 but ,i must expect some such little vexations2 of course1 ,i can not have perfection1 and for dear baby's sake ,i shall try to exercise all the prudence and forbearance ,i can4 ,sunday4--,we went to church this morning and heard a most instructive and1 ,i thought1 superior sermon from ,mr4 ,burr of ,weston1 on progress in religious knowledge4 ,he used the very illustration about the cavern and the point of light that you did4 ,july #gth4--,we all drove to the beach on ,saturday4 ,it was just the very day for such a trip1 and baby was enchanted4 ,she sat right down and began to gather stones and shells1 as if she had the week before her4 ,we were gone three hours and came home by way of the village1 quite in the mood for supper4 ,yesterday we had a pleasant service2 ,mr4 ,atkinson appears to be a truly devout1 heavenly man to whom ,i felt my heart knit at the outset on this account1 ,i am taking great delight in reading the ,memoir of ,miss ,allibone4 #h ,how ,i wish ,i had a friend of so heavenly a temper6 ,i fear my new ,little ,susy will come out at the little end of the horn4 ,i am sure it won't be so good as the others4 ,it is more than one quarter done4 ,july #bast4--,what do you think ,i did this forenoon8 ,why1 ,i finished ,little ,susy and shall lay it aside for some days1 when ,i shall read it over1 correct1 and pack it off out of the way4 ,yes1 ,i wish you would bring my ,german ,hymn ,book4 ,i am so glad you liked the hymns ,i had marked6 #i ,and do get well so as not to have to leave off preaching the ,gospel4 ,my heart dies within me whenever ,i think of your leaving the ministry4 ,every day ,i live1 it appears to me that the office of a ,christian pastor and teacher is the best in the world4 ,i shall not be able to write you a word to-morrow1 as we are to go to ,greenfield ,hill to ,miss ,murray's1 and you must take to-morrow's love to-night--if you think you can stand so much at once4 ,god be with you and bless you4 ,july #cjth4--,baby and ,i have just been having a great frolic4 ,she was so pleased with your message that she caught up your letter and kissed it1 which ,i think very remarkable in a child who1 ,i am sure1 never saw such a thing done4 ,a4 seems well and happy1 and is as good as ,i think we ought to expect4 ,i see more and more every day1 that if there ever was such a thing as human perfection1 it was as long ago as ,david's time when1 as he says1 he saw the end of it4 ,how very kind the ,w4's have been6 ,august #c;d4--,i got hold of ,dr4 ,boardman's ,bible in the ,family1 at the ,bucks yesterday1 and brought it home to read4 ,i like it very much4 ,there is a vein of humor running through it which1 subdued as it is1 must have awakened a good many smiles4 ,he quotes some lines of ,coleridge1 which ,i wonder ,i did not have as a motto for ,susy's ,teachers3 ,love1 ,hope and ,patience1 these must be thy graces1 ,and in thine own heart let them first keep school4 ,to ,miss ,mary ,b4 ,shipman1 ,westport1 ,august #aa4 ,dr4 ,buck1 who has seen her twice since we came here1 thinks baby wonderfully improved1 and says every day she lives increases her chance of life4 ,i have been exceedingly encouraged by all he has said1 and feel a great load off my heart4 ,last ,friday1 on fifteen minutes' notice1 ,i packed up and went home1 taking nurse and biddies1 of course4 ,i was so restless and so perfectly possessed to go to meet ,george1 that ,i could not help it4 ,we went in the six o'clock train1 as it was after five when ,i was taken with the fit that started me off2 got home in a soft rain1 and to our great surprise and delight found ,g4 there1 he having got homesick at ,saratoga1 and just rushed to ,new ,york on his way here4 ,we had a great rejoicing together1 you may depend1 and ,i had a charming visit of nearly three days4 ,we got back on ,monday night1 rather tired1 but none of us at all the worse for the expedition4 ,mr4 ,p4 sits here reading the ,tribune1 and ,a4 is reading ,fremont's ,life4 ,she is as brown as an ,indian and about as wild4 ,a few passages from her journal will also throw light upon this period3 ,june #cjth4--,i am finding this solitude and leisure very sweet and precious2 ,god grant it may bear the rich and abundant fruit it ought to do6 ,communion with ,him is such a blessing1 here at home in my own room1 and out in the silent woods and on the wayside4 ,saturday1 especially1 ,i had a long walk full of blissful thoughts of ,him whom ,i do believe ,i love--oh1 that ,i loved ,him better6--and in the evening ,mrs4 ,buck came and we had some very sweet beginnings of what will1 ,i trust1 ripen into most profitable ,christian communion4 ,my heart delights in the society of those who love ,him4 ,yesterday ,i had a more near access to ,god in prayer than usual1 so that during the whole service at church ,i could hardly repress tears of joy and gratitude4 ,july #gth4--,i do trust ,god's blessed1 blessed ,spirit is dealing faithfully with my soul--searching and sifting it1 revealing it somewhat to itself and preparing it for the indwelling of ,christ4 ,this ,i do heartily desire4 ,oh1 ,god6 search me and know me1 and show me my own guilty1 poor1 meagre soul1 that ,i may turn from it1 humbled and ashamed and penitent1 to my blessed ,saviour4 ,how very1 very thankful ,i feel for this seclusion and leisure2 this quiet room where ,i can seek my ,god and pray and praise1 unseen by any human eye--and which sometimes seems like the very gate of heaven4 ,july #bc;d4--,this is my dear little baby's birthday4 ,i was not able to sleep last night at all1 but at last got up and prayed specially for her4 ,god has spared her two years2 ,i can hardly believe it6 ,precious years of discipline they have been1 for which ,i do thank ,him4 ,i have prayed much for her to-day1 and with some faith1 that if her life is spared it will be for ,his glory4 ,how far rather would ,i let her go this moment1 than grow up without loving ,him6 ,precious little creature6 #bgth4--,this has been one of the most oppressive days ,i ever knew4 ,i went to church1 however1 and enjoyed all the services unusually4 ,as we rode along and ,i saw the grain ripe for the harvest1 ,i said to myself1 ,god gathers in ,his harvest as soon as it is ripe1 and if ,i devote myself to ,him and pray much and turn entirely from the world ,i shall ripen1 and so the sooner get where ,i am all the time yearning and longing to go6 ,i fear this was a merely selfish thought1 but ,i do not know4 ,this world seems less and less homelike every day ,i live4 ,the more ,i pray and meditate on heaven and my ,saviour and saints who have crossed the flood1 the stronger grows my desire to be bidden to depart hence and go up to that sinless1 blessed abode4 ,not that ,i forget my comforts1 my mercies here2 they are manifold2 ,i know they are4 ,but ,christ appears so precious2 sin so dreadful6 so dreadful6 ,to-day ,i gave way to pride and irritation1 and my agony on account of it outweighs weeks of merely earthly felicity4 ,the idea of a ,christian as he should be1 and the reality of most ,christians--particularly myself--why1 it almost makes me shudder2 my only comfort is1 in heaven1 ,i can not sin6 ,in heaven ,i shall see ,christ1 and see ,him as ,he is1 and praise and honor ,him as ,i never do and never shall do here4 ,and yet ,i know my dear little ones need me1 poor and imperfect a mother as ,i am2 and ,i pray every hour to be made willing to wait for their sakes4 ,for at the longest it will not be long4 ,oh1 ,i do believe it is the sin ,i dread and not the suffering of life--but ,i know not2 ,i may be deluded4 ,my love to my ,master seems to me very shallow and contemptible4 ,i am astonished that ,i love anything else4 ,oh1 that ,he would this moment come down into this room and tell me ,i never1 never1 shall grieve ,him again6 ,some verses entitled ,alone with ,god1 belong here3 ,into my closet fleeing1 as the dove ,doth homeward flee1 ,i haste away to ponder o'er ,thy love ,alone with ,thee6 ,in the dim wood1 by human ear unheard1 ,joyous and free1 ,lord6 ,i adore ,thee1 feasting on ,thy word1 ,alone with ,thee6 ,amid the busy city1 thronged and gay1 ,but ,one ,i see1 ,tasting sweet peace1 as unobserved ,i pray ,alone with ,thee6 ,oh1 sweetest life6 ,life hid with ,christ in ,god6 ,so making me ,at home1 and by the wayside1 and abroad1 ,alone with ,thee6 ,,westport1 ,august #bb1 #ahef4 99 99 99 99 99 ,v4 ,ready for new ,trials4 ,dangerous ,illness4 ,extracts from her ,journal4 ,visit to ,greenwood4 ,sabbath ,meditations4 ,birth of another ,son4 ,her ,husband resigns his pastoral ,charge4 ,voyage to ,europe4 ,the summer at ,westport was so beneficial to the baby and so full both of bodily and spiritual refreshment to herself1 that on returning to town1 she resumed her home tasks with unwonted ease and comfort4 ,the next entry in her journal alludes to this3 ,november #bgth4--,two months1 and not a word in my journal6 ,i have done far more with my needle and my feet than with my pen4 ,one comes home from the country to a good many cares1 and they are worldly cares1 too1 about eating and about wearing4 ,i hope the worst of mine are over now and that ,i shall have more leisure4 ,but no1 ,i forget that now comes the dreaded1 dreaded experience of weaning baby4 ,but what then8 ,i have had a good rest this fall4 ,have slept unusually well2 why1 only think1 some nights not waking once--and some nights only a few times2 and then we have had no sickness2 baby better--all better4 ,now ,i ought to be willing to have the trials ,i need so much1 seeing ,i have had such a rest4 ,and heaven6 heaven6 let me rest on that precious word4 ,heaven is at the end and ,god is there4 ,early in ,march1 #aheg1 she was taken very ill and continued so until ,may4 ,for some weeks her recovery seemed hardly possible4 ,she felt assured her hour had come and was eager to go4 ,all the yearnings of her heart1 during many years1 seemed on the point of being gratified4 ,the next entry in her journal refers to this illness3 ,sunday1 ,may #bdth1 #aheg4--;,just reading over the last record how ashamed ,i felt of my faithlessness6 ,to see dear baby so improved by the very change ,i dreaded1 and to hear her pretty1 cheerful prattle1 and to find in her such a source of joy and comfort--what undeserved1 what unlooked-for mercies6 ,but like a physician who changes his remedies as he sees occasion1 and who forbears using all his severe ones at once1 my ,father first relieved me from my wearing care and pain about this dear child1 and then put me under new discipline4 ,it is now nearly six months since ,i have been in usual health1 and eight weeks of great prostration and suffering have been teaching me many needed lessons4 ,now1 contrary to my hopes and expectations1 ,i find myself almost well again4 ,at first1 having got my heart set toward heaven and after fancying myself almost there1 ,i felt disappointed to find its gates still shut against me4 #aj ,but ,god was very good to me and taught me to yield in this point to ,his wiser and better will2 ,he made me1 as far as ,i know1 as peaceful in the prospect of living as joyful in the prospect of dying4 ,heaven did1 indeed1 look very attractive when ,i thought myself so near it2 ,i pictured myself as no longer a sinner but a blood-washed saint2 ,i thought ,i shall soon see ,him whom my soul loveth1 and see ,him as ,he is2 ,i shall never wound1 never grieve ,him again1 and all my companions will be they who worship ,him and adore ,him4 ,but not yet am ,i there6 ,alas1 not yet a saint6 ,my soul is oppressed1 now that health is returning1 to find old habits of sin returning too1 and this monster ,self usurping ,god's place1 as of old1 and pride and love of ease and all the infirmities of the flesh thick upon me4 ,after being encompassed with mercies for two months1 having every comfort this world could offer for my alleviation1 ,i wonder at myself that ,i can be anything but a meek1 docile child1 profiting by the ,master's discipline1 sensible of the tenderness that went hand-in-hand with every stroke1 and walking softly before ,god and man6 ,but ,i am indeed a wayward child and in need of many more stripes4 ,may ,i be made willing and thankful to bear them4 ,indeed1 ,i do thank my dear ,master that ,he does not let me alone1 and that ,he has let me suffer so much2 it has been a rich experience1 this long illness1 and ,i do trust ,he will so sanctify it that ,i shall have cause to rejoice over it all the rest of my life4 ,now may ,i return patiently to all the duties that lie in my sphere4 ,may ,i not forget how momentous a thing death appeared when seen face to face1 but be ever making ready for its approach4 ,and may the glory of ,god be1 as it never yet has been1 my chief end4 ,my love to ,him seems to me so very feeble and fluctuating4 ,satan and self keep up a continual struggle to get the victory4 ,but ,god is stronger than either4 ,he must and will prevail1 and at last1 and in a time far better than any ,i can suggest1 ,he will open those closed gates and let me enter in to go no more out1 and then ,i shall never1 never sin4 ,as might be inferred from this record1 she was at this time in the sweetest mood1 full of tenderness and love4 ,the time of the singing of birds had now come1 and all nature was clothed with that wondrous beauty and verdure which mark the transition from spring to summer4 ,the drives1 which she was now able to take into the country1 on either side of the river1 gave her the utmost delight4 ,on the #cjth of ,may--the day that has since become consecrated to the memory of the ,nation's heroic dead--she went1 with her husband and eldest daughter1 to visit and place flowers upon the graves of ,eddy and ,bessie4 ,never is ,greenwood more lovely and impressive than at the moment when ,may is just passing into ,june4 ,it is as if ,nature were in a transfiguration and the glory of the ,lord shone upon the graves of our beloved6 ,mrs4 ,prentiss made no record of this visit1 but on the following day thus wrote in her journal3 ,may #cast4--,another peaceful1 pleasant ,sunday1 whose only drawback has been the want of strength to get down on my knees and praise and pray to my ,saviour1 as ,i long to do4 ,for well as ,i am and astonishingly improved in every way1 a very few minutes' use of my voice1 even in a whisper1 in prayer1 exhausts me to such a degree that ,i am ready to faint4 ,this seems so strange when ,i can go on talking to any extent--but then it is talking without emotion and in a desultory way4 ,ah well6 ,god knows best in what manner to let me live1 and ,i desire to ask for nothing but a docile1 acquiescent temper1 whose only petition shall be1 ,what wilt ,thou have me to do8 not how can ,i get most enjoyment along the way4 ,i can not believe if ,i am ,his child1 that ,he will let anything hinder my progress in the divine life4 ,it seems dreadful that ,i have gone on so slowly1 and backward so many times--but then ,i have been thinking this is to humble and to prove me1 and to do me good in the latter end4 444 ,i thank my ,god and ,saviour for every faint desire ,he gives me to see ,him as ,he is1 and to be changed into ,his image1 and for every struggle against sin ,he enables me to make4 ,it is all of ,him4 ,i do wish ,i loved ,him better6 ,i do wish ,he were never out of my thoughts and that the aim to do ,his will swallowed up all other desires and strivings4 ,satan whispers that will never be4 ,but it shall be6 ,one day--oh1 longed-for1 blessed1 blissful day6--,christ will become my ,all in all6 ,yes1 even mine6 ,this is the last entry in her journal for more than a year2 her letters1 too1 during the same period are very few4 ,in ,august of #aheg1 she was made glad by the birth of another son1 her fifth child4 ,her own health was now much better than it had been for a long time2 but that of her husband had become so enfeebled that in ,april1 #aheh1 he resigned his pastoral charge and by the advice of his physician determined to go abroad1 with his family1 for a couple years2 the munificent kindness of his people having furnished him with the means of doing so4 ,the tender sympathy and support which she gave him in this hour of extreme weakness and trial1 more than everything else1 after the blessing of ,heaven1 upheld his fainting spirits and helped to restore him at length to his chosen work4 ,they set sail for the old world in the steamship ,arago1 ,capt4 ,lines1 ,june #bfth1 amidst a cloud of friendly wishes and benedictions4 #a ,the friend was ,mr4 ,wm4 ,g4 ,bull1 who had a summer cottage at ,rockaway4 ,he was a leading member of the ,mercer street church and one of the best of men4 ,the poor and unfortunate blessed him all the year round4 ,to ,mrs4 ,prentiss and her husband he was indefatigable in kindness4 ,he died at an advanced age in #ahei4 #b ,godman's ,american ,natural ,history4 #c ,mrs4 ,norman ,white1 mother of the ,rev4 ,erskine ,n4 ,white1 ,d4,d41 of ,new ,york4 #d ,her cousin1 whose sudden death occurred under the same roof in ,october of the next year4 #e ,we were all weighed soon after coming here1 she wrote1 and my ladyship weighed #if1 which makes me out by far the leanest of the ladies here4 ,when thirteen years old ,i weighed but #ej pounds4 #f ,referring to ,little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays4 #g ,little ,susy's ,little ,servants4 #h ,a ,life bid with ,christ in ,god1 being a memoir of ,susan ,allibone4 ,by ,alfred ,lee1 ,bishop of the ,protestant ,episcopal ,church in ,delaware4 #i ,see appendix ,c1 p4 #eci4 #aj ,many years afterward1 speaking to a friend of this illness1 she related the following incident4 ,one day she lay1 as was supposed1 entirely unconscious and in articulo mortis4 ,repeated but vain attempts had been made to administer a medicine ordered by the doctor to be used in case of extremity4 ,her husband urged one more attempt still2 it might possibly succeed4 ,she heard distinctly every word that was spoken and instantly reasoned within herself1 whether she should consent or refuse to swallow the medicine4 ,fancying herself just entering the eternal city1 she longed to refuse but decided it would be wrong and so consented to come back again to earth4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,in ,,retreat ,,among ,,the ,,alps4 #aheh-ahfj4 ,i4 ,life abroad4 ,letters about the ,voyage and the ,journey from ,havre to ,switzerland4 ,chateau d',oex4 ,letters from there4 ,the ,chlet ,rosat4 ,the ,free ,church of the ,canton de ,vaud4 ,pastor ,panchaud4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss passed more than two years abroad1 mostly in ,switzerland4 ,they were years burdened with heavy cares1 with ill-health and keen solicitude concerning her husband4 ,but they were also years hallowed by signal mercies of ,providence1 bright every now and then with floods of real sunshine1 and sweetened by many domestic joys4 ,although quite secluded from the world a large portion of the time1 her solitude was cheered by the constant arrival of letters from home4 ,during these years also she was first initiated into full communion with ,nature2 and what exquisite pleasure she tasted in this new experience1 her own pen will tell4 ,indeed1 this period affords little of interest except that which blossomed out of her domestic life1 her friendships1 and her love of nature4 ,she travelled scarcely at all and caught only fugitive glimpses of society or of the treasures of ,european art4 ,a few simple records1 therefore1 of her retired home-life and of the impressions made upon her by ,alpine scenery1 as contained in her letters1 must form the principal part of this chapter4 ,her correspondence1 while abroad1 would make a large volume by itself2 in selecting from it what follows1 the aim has been to present1 as far as possible1 a continuous picture of her ,european sojourn1 drawn by herself4 ,were a faithful picture of its quiet yet varied scenes to be drawn by another hand1 it would include features wholly omitted by her2 features radiant with a light and beauty not of earth4 ,it would reflect a sweet patience1 a heroic fortitude1 a tender sympathy1 a faith in ,god and an upholding1 comforting influence1 which in sharp exigencies the ,christian wife and mother knows so well how to exercise1 and which are inspired only by the ,lord ,jesus ,himself4 ,the friend to whom the following letter was addressed years ago passed away from earth4 ,but her name is still enshrined in many hearts4 ,the story of her generous and affectionate kindness1 as also that of her children1 would fill a whole chapter4 ,you will never know how we have loved and honored you all1 straight through wrote ,mrs4 ,prentiss to one of them1 many years later4 ,to ,mrs4 ,charles ,w4 ,woolsey1 ,havre1 ,july #aa1 #aheh4 ,how many times during our voyage we had occasion to think of and thank you and yours1 a dozen sheets like this would fail to tell you4 ,of all your kind arrangements for our comfort not one failed of its object4 ,whether the chair or my sacque had most admirers ,i do not know1 but ,i can't imagine how people ever get across the ocean without such consolations on the way4 ,as to the grapes they kept perfectly to the last day and proved delicious2 the box then became a convenient receptacle for the children's toys2 while the cake-box has turned into a medicine-chest4 ,we had not so pleasant a voyage as is usual at this season1 it being cold and rainy and foggy much of the time4 ,however1 none of us suffered much from sea-sickness--,mr4 ,prentiss not in the least2 his chief discomfort was from want of sleep4 ,on the whole1 we had a less dreary time than we anticipated1 and perhaps the stupidity in which we were engulfed for two weeks was a wholesome refuge from the excitement of the month previous to our departure4 ,we landed in a deluge of rain1 and the only article in our possession that alarmed the officers of the ,custom ,house was not the sewing-machine1 which was hardly vouchsafed a look1 but your cake-box4 ,we were thankful to tumble pell-mell into a carriage1 and soon to find ourselves in a comfortable room1 before a blazing fire4 ,we go round with a phrase-book and talk out of it1 so if anybody ever asks you what sort of people the ,prentiss family are and what are our conversational powers1 you may safely and veraciously answer1 ,they talk like a book4 ,m4 already asks the ,french names of almost everything and is very glad to know that we have got at ,europe1 and when asked how she likes ,france1 declares1 ,me likes that4 ,we go off to ,paris in the morning4 ,i will let ,mr4 ,prentiss tell his own story4 ,meanwhile we send you everyone our warmest love and thanks4 ,after a few days in ,paris the family hastened to ,chateau d',oex1 where ,new ,york friends awaited them4 ,chateau d',oex is a mountain valley in the canton of ,vaud1 on the right bank of the ,sarine1 twenty-two miles east of ,lausanne1 and is one of the loveliest spots in ,switzerland4 ,aside from its natural beauties1 it has some historical interest4 ,it was once the home of the ,counts of ,gruyere1 and the ruins of their ancient chateau are still seen there4 ,the ,free church of the village was at this time under the care of ,pastor ,panchaud1 a favorite pupil and friend of ,vinet4 ,he was a man of great simplicity and sweetness of character1 an excellent preacher1 and wholly devoted to his little flock4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss and her husband counted his society and ministrations a smile of ,heaven upon their sojourn in ,chateau d',oex4 ,to ,mrs4 ,henry ,b4 ,smith1 ,chateau ,d',oex ,july #be1 #aheh4 ,our ride from ,havre to ,paris was charming4 ,we had one of those luxurious cars1 to us unknown1 which is intended to hold only eight persons1 but which has room for ten2 the weather was perfect1 and the scenery all the way very lovely and quite novel4 ,a4 and ,i kept mourning for you and ,m4 to enjoy it with us1 and both agreed that we would gladly see only half there was to see1 and go half the distance we were going1 if we could only share with you our pleasures of every kind4 ,on reaching ,paris and the hotel we found we could not get pleasant rooms below the fifth story4 ,they were directly opposite the garden of the ,tuileries1 where birds were flying and singing1 and it was hard to realise that we were in the midst of that great city4 ,we went sight-seeing very little4 ,a4 and ,i strolled about here and there1 did a little shopping1 stared in at the shop windows1 wished ,m4 had this and you had that1 and then strolled home and panted and toiled and groaned up our five flights1 and wrote in our journals1 or rested1 or made believe study ,french4 ,we went to the ,jardin des ,plantes in order to let the children see the ,zoological ,garden4 ,we also drove through the ,bois de ,boulogne1 and spent part of an evening in the garden of the ,palais ,royal1 and watched the people drinking their tea and coffee1 and having all sorts of good times4 ,we found ,paris far more beautiful than we expected1 and certainly as to cleanliness it puts ,new ,york ages behind4 ,we were four days in coming from ,paris to this place4 ,we went up the lake of ,geneva on one of the finest days that could be asked for1 and then the real joy of our journey began2 ,paris and all its splendors faded away at once and forever before these mountains1 and as ,george had never visited ,geneva1 or seen any of this scenery1 my pleasure was doubled by his4 ,imagine1 if you can1 how we felt when ,mt4 ,blanc appeared in sight6 ,we reached ,vevay just after sunset1 and were soon established in neat rooms of quite novel fashion4 ,the floors were of unpainted white wood1 checked off with black walnut2 the stairs were all of stone1 the stove was of porcelain1 and every article of furniture was odd4 ,but we had not much time to spend in looking at things within doors1 for the lake was in full view1 and the mountain tops were roseate with the last rays of the setting sun1 and the moon soon rose and added to the whole scene all it wanted to make us half believe ourselves in a pleasant dream4 ,i often asked myself1 ,can this be ,i6 ,and if it be ,i1 as ,i hope it be-- ,early next morning1 which was dear little ,m4's birthday1 we set off in grand style for ,chateau d',oex4 ,we hired a monstrous voiture which had seats inside for four1 and on top1 with squeezing1 seats for three1 besides the driver's seat2 had five black horses1 and dashed forth in all our splendor1 ten precious souls and all agog4 ,i made a sandwich between ,mr4 ,s4 and ,george on top1 and the bonnes and children were packed inside4 ,this was our great day4 ,the weather was indescribably beautiful2 we felt ourselves approaching a place of rest and a welcome home2 the scenery was magnificent1 and already the mountain air was beginning to revive our exhausted souls and bodies4 ,we sat all day hand in hand1 literally lost in wonder4 ,with all ,i had heard ever since ,i was born about these mountains1 ,i had not the faintest idea of their real grandeur and beauty4 ,we arrived here just after sunset1 and soon found ourselves among our friends4 ,mrs4 ,buck brought us up to our new home1 which we reached on foot 7as our voiture could not ascend so high7 by a little winding path1 by the side of which a little brook kept running along to make music for us4 ,it is a regular ,swiss chlet1 much like the little models you have seen1 only of a darker brown1 and on either side the mountains stand ranged1 so that look where we will we are feasted to our utmost capacity4 ,we have four small1 but very neat1 pretty rooms4 ,our floors are of unpainted pine1 as white and clean as possible4 ,the room in which we spend our time1 and where ,i am now writing1 ,i must fully set before you4444 ,our centre table has had a nice new red cover put on it to-day1 with a vase of flowers2 it holds all our books1 and is the ornament of the room4 ,in front of the sofa is a red rug on which we say our prayers4 ,over it is a picture1 and over ,g4's table is another4 ,out of the window you see first a pretty little flower garden1 then the valley dotted with brown chlets1 then the background of mountains4 ,behind the house you go up a little winding path--and can go on forever without stopping if you choose--along the sides of which flowers such as we cultivate at home grow in profusion2 you can't help picking them and throwing them away to snatch a new handful4 ,the brook takes its rise on this side1 and runs musically along as you ascend4 ,yesterday we all went to church at nine and a half o'clock1 and had our first experience of ,french preaching1 and ,i was relieved to find myself understanding whole sentences here and there4 ,and now ,i need not1 ,i suppose1 wind up by saying we are in a charming spot4 ,all we want1 as far as this world goes1 is health and strength with which to enjoy all this beauty and all this sweet retirement1 and these1 ,i trust1 it will give us in time4 ,isabella wears like gold4 ,she is everything ,i hoped for1 and from her there has not been even a tone of discomfort since we left4 ,but my back aches and my paper is full4 ,we all send heaps of love to you all and long to hear4 ,august #ajth4--,we breakfast at eight on bread and honey1 which is the universal ,swiss breakfast1 dine at one1 and have tea at seven4 ,i usually sew and read and study all the forenoon4 ,after dinner we take our ,alpen- stocks and go up behind the house--a bit of mountain-climbing which makes me realise that ,i am no longer a young girl4 ,i get only so high1 and then have to come back and lie down4 ,george and ,annie beat me all to pieces with their exploits4 ,i do not believe we could have found anywhere in the world a spot better adapted to our needs4 ,how you would enjoy it6 ,i perfectly yearn to show you these mountains and all this green valley4 ,the views ,i send will give you a very good idea of it1 however4 ,the smaller chlet in the print is ours4 ,in a little summer house opposite ,isabella now sits at work on the sewing-machine4 ,my best love to all three of your dear chicks1 and to your husband if he's willin'4 ,to ,mrs4 ,h4,b4 ,washburn1 ,chateau d',oex1 ,august #ba1 #aheh4 444 ,we slipped off without any leave-taking1 which ,i was not sorry for4 ,i did not want to bid you good-bye4 ,we had to say it far too often as it was1 and1 when we fairly set sail we had not an emotion left1 but sank at once into a state of entire exhaustion and stupidity4444 ,we thought ,paris very beautiful until we came in view of the ,lake of ,geneva1 ,mt4 ,blanc1 and other handiworks of ,god1 when straightway all its palaces and monuments and fountains faded into insignificance4 ,i began to feel that it was wicked for a few of my friends1 who were born to enjoy the land of lakes and mountains1 not to be here enjoying it1 and you were one of them1 you may depend4 ,however1 whenever ,i have had any such pangs of regret in relation to you1 ,i have consoled myself with the reflection that with your enthusiastic temperament1 artist eye1 and love of nature1 you never would survive even a glimpse of ,switzerland2 the land of ,william ,tell would be the death of you4 ,when you are about eighty years old1 have cooled down about ten degrees below zero1 have got a little dim about the eyes1 and a little stiff about the knees1 it may possibly be safe for you to come and break yourself in gradually4 ,i have not forgotten how you felt and what you did at the ,white ,mountains1 you see4 ,well1 joking apart1 we are in a spot that would just suit you in every respect4 ,we are not in a street or a road or any of those abominations you like to shun1 but our little chlet1 hardly accessible save on foot1 is just tucked down on the side of the gentle slope leading up the mountain4 ,it is remote from all sights but those magnificent ones afforded by the range of mountains1 the green rich valley1 and the ever-varying sky and cloudland1 and all sounds save that of a brook which runs hurrying down its rocky little channel and keeps us company when we want it4 ,i ought1 however1 to add that my view of this particular valley is that of a novice4 ,people say the scenery here is tame in comparison with what may be seen elsewhere2 but look which way ,i will1 from front windows or back windows1 at home or abroad1 ,i am as one at a continual feast2 and what more can one ask8 ,mr4 ,prentiss feels that this secluded spot is just the place for him1 and as it is a good point from which to make excursions on foot or otherwise1 he and ,mr4 ,stearns have already made several trips and seen splendid sights4 ,how much we have to be grateful for6 ,for my part1 ,i would rather--far rather--have come here and stayed here blindfold1 than not to have come with my dear husband4 ,so all ,i have seen and am experiencing ,i regard as beauty and felicity thrown in4 ,to ,mrs4 ,abigail ,prentiss1 ,chateau d',oex1 ,sept4 #e1 #aheh4 ,i wish we had you1 my dear mother1 here among these mountains1 for the cool1 bracing air would help to build you up4 ,both ,mr4 ,stearns and ,george have come back from ,germany looking better than when they started on their trip two weeks ago4 ,it has been very cold2 the thermometer some mornings at eight o'clock standing at #df1 and the mountains being all covered with snow4 ,we slept with a couple of bottles of hot water at our feet1 and two blankets and a comforter of eiderdown over us1 after going to bed early to get warm4 ,my sewing-machine is a great comfort1 and the peasants enjoy coming down from the mountains to see it4 ,besides1 ,i find something to do on it every day4 ,i often wish ,i could set you down in the midst of the church to which we go every ,sunday1 if only to show you how the people dress4 ,a bonnet is hardly seen there2 everybody wearing a black silk cap or a bloomer4 ,i wear a bloomer2 a brown one trimmed with brown ribbon4 ,an old lady sits in front of me who wears a white cap much after the fashion of yours1 and on top of that is perked a monstrous bloomer trimmed with black gauze ribbon4 ,her dress is linsey-woolsey1 and for outside garment she wears a black silk half-handkerchief1 as do all the rest4 ,no light dress or ribbon is seen4 ,i must tell you now something that amused ,a4 and me very much yesterday at dinner4 ,a ,french gentleman1 who married a ,spanish lady four years ago1 sits opposite us at the table1 and he and his wife are quite fascinated with ,m41 watch all her motions1 and whisper together about all she does4 ,yesterday they got to telling us that the lady had been married when only twelve years old to a gentleman of thirty-two1 had two children1 and was a grandmother1 though not yet thirty-six years old4 ,she said she carried her doll with her to her husband's house1 and he made her learn a geography lesson every day till she was fourteen1 when she had a baby of her own4 ,i asked her if she loved her husband1 and she said ,oh1 yes1 only he was very grave and scolded her and shut her up when she wouldn't learn her lessons4 ,she said that her own mother when thirty-six years old had fourteen children1 all of whom are now living1 twelve of them boys1 and that the laws of ,spain allow the father of six sons to ask a favor for them of the ,king1 but the father of twelve may ask a favor for each one2 so every one of her brothers had an office under the ,government or was an officer in the army4 ,i don't know when ,i have been more amused1 for she1 like all foreigners1 was full of life and gesture1 and showed us how she tore her hair and threw down her books when angry with her husband4 ,the children are all bright and well4 ,the first time we took the cars after landing1 ,m4 was greatly delighted4 ,now we're going to see grandma1 she cried4 ,mrs4 ,buck got up a picnic for her1 and had a treat of raspberries and sponge-cake--frosted4 ,the cake had ,m4 on the top in red letters4 ,baby is full of life and mischief4 ,the day we landed he said ,papa1 and now he says ,mamma4 ,isabella #a is everything we could ask4 ,she is trying to learn ,french1 and ,a4 hears her recite every night4 ,george found some furnished rooms at ,montreux1 which he has taken for six months from ,october1 and we shall thus be keeping house4 ,a4 has just rushed in and snatched her ,french ,bible1 as she is going to the evening service with some of the ,english family4 ,you will soon hear all about us from ,mr4 ,stearns4 ,the following letter will show how little power either her own cares1 or the charms of nature around her1 had to quench her sympathy for friends in sorrow3 ,to ,miss ,a4 ,h4 ,woolsey1 ,chateau ,d',oex1 ,sept4 #aa1 #aheh4 ,we received your kind letter this morning4 ,we had already had our sympathies excited in behalf of you all1 by seeing a notice of the death of the dear little child in a paper lent to us by ,mrs4 ,buck1 and were most anxious to hear all the particulars you have been so good as to give us4 ,this day1 which fifteen years ago we marked with a white stone1 and which we were to celebrate with all our hearts1 has passed quite wearily and drearily4 ,there is something indescribably sad in the details of the first bereavement which has fallen within the circle of those we love2 perhaps1 too1 old sorrows of our own clamored for a hearing2 and then1 too1 there was the conviction1 ,this is not all death will do while the ocean severs you from kindred and friends4 ,we longed to speak to you many words of affectionate sympathy and ,christian cheer2 but long before we can make them reach you1 ,i trust you will have felt sure that you were at least remembered and prayed for4 ,it is a comfort that no ocean separates us from ,him who has afflicted you4 ,the loss to you each and all is very great1 but to the mother of such a child it is beyond description4 ,faith alone can bear her through it1 but faith can4 ,what a wonderful little creature the sweet ,ellie must have been6 ,we were greatly touched by your account of her singing that beautiful hymn4 ,it must have been divinely ordered that she should leave such a precious legacy behind her4 ,and though her loveliness makes her loss the greater1 the loss of an unlovely wayward child would surely be a heavier grief4 ,i never know where to stop when ,i begin to talk about the death of a little one2 but before ,i stop ,i want to ask you to tell ,mrs4 ,h4 one word from me1 which will not surprise and will perhaps comfort her4 ,it is this4 ,neither his father nor myself would be willing to have ,god now bereave us of the rich experience of seven years ago1 when our noble little boy was taken away4 ,we have often said this to each other1 and oftener said it to ,him1 who if ,he took1 also gave much4 ,but after all1 we can not say much to comfort either ,mrs4 ,h4 or you4 ,we can only truly1 heartily and always sympathise with you4444 ,mr4 ,prentiss and ,mr4 ,stearns have spent a fortnight in jaunting about2 beginning at ,thun and ending at ,munich4 ,they both came home looking fresher and better than when they left1 but ,mr4 ,p4 is not at all well now1 and will have his ups and downs1 ,i suppose1 for a long time to come4444 ,we can step out at any moment into a beautiful path1 and1 turn which way we will1 meet something charming4 ,yesterday he came back for me1 having found a new walk1 and we took our sticks1 and went to enjoy it together till we got1 as it were1 fairly locked in by the mountains1 and could go no further4 ,only to think of having such things as gorges and water-falls and roaring brooks1 right at your back door6 ,the seclusion of this whole region is1 however1 its great charm to us1 and to tell the truth1 the primitive simplicity of style of dress1 etc41 is quite as charming to me as its natural beauty4 ,we took tea one night last week with the pastor of the ,free church2 he lives in a house for which he pays thirty dollars a year1 and we were quite touched and pleased with his style of living2 white pine walls and floors1 unpainted1 and everything else to match4 ,we took our tea at a pine table1 and the drawing-room to which we retired from it1 was a corner of the same room1 where was a little mite of a sofa and a few books1 and a cheerful lamp burning4 ,all this time ,i have not answered your question about the ,fourth of ,july4 ,we had great doings1 ,i assure you4 ,mr4 ,p4 made a speech1 and ran up and down the saloon like a war horse4 ,he was so excited and pale that ,i did not enjoy it much1 thinking any instant he would faint and fall4 ,mr4 ,cleaveland was the orator of the day and acquitted himself very well1 they all said4 ,i was in my berth at the time of its delivery1 saving myself for the dinner and toasts1 and so did not hear it4 ,the whole affair is to be printed4 ,there was a great cry of ,prentiss6 ,prentiss6 after the ,captain's dinner1 and at last the poor man had to respond in a short speech to a toast to the ladies4 ,i suppose you know that he considers all women as angels4 ,mr4 ,stearns left us on ,thursday to set his face homewards4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,montreux4 ,the ,swiss ,autumn4 ,castle of ,chillon4 ,death and ,sorrow of ,friends at ,home4 ,twilight ,talks4 ,spring ,flowers4 ,early in ,october the family removed to ,montreux1 at the upper end of the lake of ,geneva1 where the next six months were passed in what was then known as the ,maison des ,bains4 ,montreux was at this time the centre of a group of pleasant villages1 scattered along the shore of the lake1 or lying back of it among the hills4 ,one of these villages1 ,clarens1 was rendered famous in the last century by the pen of ,rousseau1 and early in this by the pen of ,byron4 ,the grave of ,vinet1 the noble leader1 and theologian of the ,free ,church of the canton of ,vaud1 now renders the spot sacred to the ,christian scholar4 ,montreux was then a favorite resort of invalids in quest of a milder climate4 ,at many points it commands fine views of the lake1 and the whole region abounds in picturesque scenery4 ,the ,maison des ,bains is said to have long since disappeared2 but in #aheh1 it seemed to hang upon the side of the ,montreux hill and was one of the most noticeable features of the landscape1 as seen from the passing steamer4 ,to ,mrs4 ,henry ,b4 ,smith1 ,montreux1 ,october #ca1 #aheh4 ,your letter was a real comfort and ,i am so thankful to the man that invented letter-writing that ,i don't know what to do4 ,we feast on everything we hear from home1 however sick1 or weak2 it is a sort of sea-air appetite4 ,your letters are not a thousandth part long enough1 but if you wrote all the time ,i suppose they wouldn't be4444 ,you see ,i am experimenting with two kinds of ink1 hoping my letters may be more easy to read4 ,george tried it the other day by writing me a little note1 telling me first how he loved me in black ink and then how he loved me in blue1 after which he tore it up2 wasn't that a shame8 ,anna writes that you seemed miserable the day she was at your house4 ,the fact is1 people of such restless mental activity as you and ,i1 my dear1 never need expect to be well long at a time--for1 as soon as we get a little health we consume it just as children do candy4 ,george and ,i are both able1 however1 to take long walks1 and the other day we went to see the castle of ,chillon4 ,i was much impressed with all ,i saw4 ,under ,byron's name1 which ,i saw on one of the columns1 there were the initials ,h4 ,b4 ,s4--,h4 ,b4 ,smith1 says ,i4 ,you don't say so6 cries ,george1 where8 let me see--oh1 ,i don't think it can be his1 for here are some more letters1 which ,i knew all the time1 but for all that ,h4 ,b4 ,s4 does stand for ,h4 ,b4 ,smith4 ,there are ever so many charming walks about here and from some points the scenery is wonderfully picturesque4 ,i never was in the country so late as to see the trees after a frost1 and although the foliage here is less brilliant1 it is said1 than that of ,american forests1 ,i find it hard to believe that there can be anything more beautiful than the wooded mountains covered with the softest tints of every shade and coloring interspersed with snowcapped peaks and bare1 gray rocks4 ,the glory has departed somewhat within two days1 as we have had a little snow-storm1 and the leaves have fallen sadly4 ,we began to have a fire yesterday and to put on some of our winter clothing2 yet roses bloom just outside our door1 and mignonette1 nasturtiums1 and a variety of other flowers adorn every house4 ,the ,swiss love for flowers is really beautiful4 ,i wish you would let the children go to the hot-house which they pass on the way from school and get me some flower-seeds1 as it will be pleasant to me to have the means of giving pleasure4 ,i presume the gardener would be able to select a dozen or so of ,american varieties which would be a treasure here4 ,i amuse myself with making flower-pictures1 with which to enliven our parlor1 and assure you that these works of art are remarkable specimens of genius4 ,i do not know where the time goes1 but ,i do not have half enough of it1 or else do not understand the art of making the most of it4 ,we have just subscribed to a library at a franc a month1 and hope to read a little ,french4444 ,i suppose ,z4 will be a regular young lady by the time we come home1 and that ,i shall be afraid of her1 as ,i am of all young ladies4 ,how nicely she and ,m4 would look in the jaunty little hats they all wear here4 ,i wonder if the fashion will stretch across the ocean8 ,i dare say it will4 ,never was there anything so becoming in the world4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,montreux1 ,nov4 #ba1 #aheh4 ,we were glad to hear from your last letter that you are all so well1 and especially to hear such good accounts of ,mr4 ,stearns4 ,it is a real comfort to us to find that his little trip has done him so much good4 ,i was sorry to hear of the loss of that friend of the ,thurstons in the ,austria1 for ,i heard ,ellen speak of her in the most rapturous manner4 ,this world is full of mysteries4 ,only to think of the shock ,george received when expecting to meet ,mr4 ,butler in ,paris and perhaps spend several weeks with him there1 he heard at ,geneva the news of his sudden death6 #b ,he loved and honored ,mr4 ,b4 most warmly and truly4 ,you will remember that the latter came abroad on account of the health of his daughter2 her younger sister accompanied them1 and they were all full of the brightest anticipations4 ,but the same steamer which brought them over1 carried home his remains on the next trip1 and those two poor young girls are left in a strange land1 afflicted and disappointed and alone4 ,mr4 ,butler died a most peaceful and happy death1 and ,george was very glad to be in ,paris in time to comfort the young ladies1 who were perfectly delighted to see him4 ,he got back yesterday very much exhausted and has spent most of the day on the sofa4 ,a4 has a teacher who comes three times a week from ,vevay1 and spends most of the day4 ,she is a young lady of about twenty-five1 well educated and accustomed to teaching1 and has taken hold of ,a4 with no little energy4 ,she can not speak a word of ,english4 ,tell your ,a4 we can't get over it that the horses1 dogs and cats here all understand ,french4 ,i have been ever so busy fixing and fussing for winter1 which has come upon us all in a rush4 ,isabella has been bewitched for about a week1 having got at last a letter from her beau1 and every speck of work she has done on the sewing machine was either wrongside out or upside down4 ,while ,george was gone ,i made up a lot of flower-pictures to adorn the walls of our parlor2 he is walking about admiring them1 and ,i wish you would drop in and help him4 ,he had a real homesick fit to see you all to-day1 feeling so tired after his journey2 but seems brighter to-night1 and promises faithfully to get well now1 right off4 ,dec4 #eth4--,the death of ,sarah ,p4 must have excited all your sympathies4 ,the loss of a little child--and ,i shudder when ,i recall the pangs of such a loss6--can be nothing in comparison with such an affliction as this4 ,i well remember what a bright young thing she was4 ,her poor mother's grief and amazement must be all the greater for the fact of the perfect vigor and sound health which had1 as it were1 assured her of long life and happiness and usefulness4 ,i had an inexpressible sadness upon me as soon as ,i heard that she was dangerously ill2 often in such moments one bitterly realises that all this world's idols are likewise perishable4 ,a4's teacher gives lessons also in a family half an hour from ,vevay1 who are going to ,germany to spend a year1 and she gave such an account of the place1 that ,george let her persuade him into going to see it1 as the owner desired to rent it during his absence4 ,he took ,a4 with him1 as ,i could not go4 ,they came back in ecstasies1 and have both set their hearts so on taking it that ,i should not at all wonder if that should be the end4 ,we left some of our things at ,chateau d',oex1 fully expecting to return there1 but this ,vevay country seat with its cherry1 apple and pear trees1 its seclusion1 its vicinity to reading-room and library1 has quite disgusted ,george with the idea of spending another summer en pension4 ,the family entertained ,g4 and ,a4 very hospitably1 gave them a lunch of bologna sausage1 bread and butter1 cake1 wine and grapes1 and above all1 the little girls gave ,a4 two little ,guinea pigs1 which you may imagine filled her with delight4 ,the whole affair was very agreeable to her1 as she had not spoken to a child 7save ,m47 since we came to ,montreux4 ,january #c;d1 #ahei4--,we read your letter1 written at ,bedford1 with no little interest and sympathy4 ,while we could not but rejoice that one more saint had got safely and without a struggle home1 we felt the exceeding disappointment you must have had in losing the last smile you came so near receiving4 #c ,i think you had a sort of presentiment last winter what this one might bring forth1 for ,i remember your saying it would probably be the last visit to you1 and that you wanted to make it as pleasant as possible4 ,and pleasant ,i do not doubt you and the whole household made it to her4 ,still there always will be regrets and vain wishes after the death of one we love4 ,what a pity that we can not be to our friends while they live all we wish we had been after they have gone6 ,george and ,i feel an almost childish clinging to mother1 while we hope and believe she will live to bless us if we ever return home4 ,jan4 #bc;d4--,we have been afflicted in the sudden death of our dear friend1 ,mrs4 ,wainwright4 ,the news came upon us without preparation--for she was ill only a few days--and was a great shock to us4 ,you and mother know what she was to us during the whole time of our acquaintance with her2 ,i loved her most heartily4 ,i can not get over the saddening impression which such deaths cause1 by receiving new ones2 our lives here are so quiet and uneventful1 that we have full leisure to meditate on the breaches already made in our circle of friends at home1 and to forebode many more such sorrowful tidings4 ,mrs4 ,wainwright was like a mother to me1 and ,i am too old to take up a new friend in her place4 #d ,i do not know whether ,i mentioned the afflictions of my cousin ,h4 ,they have been very great1 and have excited my sympathies keenly4 ,her first child died when eighteen months old1 after a feeble1 suffering life4 ,then the second child1 an amiable1 loving creature--,i almost see her now sitting up so straight with her morsel of knitting in her hands6--she was taken sick and died in five days4 ,her sister1 about eight years old1 came near dying of grief2 she neither played1 ate or slept1 and they wrote me that her wails of anguish were beyond description4 ,just as she was getting a little over the first shock1 the little boy1 then about three years old1 died suddenly of croup4 ,poor ,h4 is almost broken-hearted4 ,i have felt dreadfully at being away when she was so afflicted2 they had not been long enough in ,new ,york to have a minister of their own1 and they all said1 oh1 if ,george and ,i had only been there6 ,her letters during the rest of the winter are tinged with the sadness caused by these and other distressing afflictions among friends at home4 ,her sympathies were kept under a constant strain4 ,but her letters contain also many gleams of sunshine4 ,although very quiet and secluded1 and often troubled by torturing neuralgic pains1 as well as by sudden shocks of grief1 her life at ,montreux was not without its own peculiar joys4 ,one of the greatest of these was to while away the twilight or evening hours in long talks with her husband about home and former days4 ,distance1 together with the strange ,alpine scenes about her1 seemed to have the effect of a score of years in separating her from the past1 and throwing over it a mystic veil of tenderness and grace4 ,old times and old friends1 when thus viewed from the beautiful shores of ,lake ,leman1 appeared to the memory in a softened light and invested with something of that ideal loveliness which the grave itself imparts to the objects of our affections4 ,many of these old friends1 indeed1 had passed through the ,grave--some1 long before1 some recently--and to talk of them was sweet talk about the blessed home above1 as well as the home beyond the ocean4 ,another joy that helped to relieve the monotony and weariness of the ,montreux life1 was in her children2 especially as1 on the approach of spring1 she wandered with them over the hill-sides in quest of flowers2 then her delight knew no bounds4 ,in a letter to ,mrs4 ,washburn1 dated ,march #ai1 she writes3 ,m4 and ,g4 catch ,a4's and my enthusiasm1 and come with their little hands full of dandelions1 buttercups and daisies1 and their hats full of primroses4 ,even ,mr4 ,prentiss conies in with his hands full of crocuses1 purple and white1 and lots of an extremely pretty flower1 la fille avant la mre1 which he gathers on the mountains where ,i can not climb4444 ,i often think of you and ,mrs4 ,b----1 when ,i revel among the beautiful profusion of flowers with which this country is adorned4 ,so early as it is1 the hills and fields are covered with primroses1 daisies1 cowslips1 violets1 lilies1 and ,i don't know what not2 in five minutes we can gather a basketful4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,the ,campagne ,genevrier4 ,vevay4 ,beauty of the ,region4 ,letters4 ,birth of a ,son4 ,visit from ,professor ,smith4 ,excursion to ,chamouni4 ,whooping-cough and ,scarlet-fever among the ,children4 ,doctor ,curchod4 ,letters4 ,at the end of ,march the family removed to the campagne ,genevrier1 about two miles back of ,vevay1 in the direction of ,st4 ,leger4 ,at one point it overlooked the town and the lake1 and commanded a fine view of the mountains of ,savoy and of the distant ,jura range4 ,on the opposite shore of the lake is the village where ,lord ,byron passed some time in #ahaf1 and where he is said to have written the wonderful description of a thunder-storm1 in the third canto of ,childe ,harold4 ,at all events the very scene1 so vividly depicted by him1 was witnessed from ,genevrier4 #e ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,genevrier1 ,april #e1 #ahei ,your letter describing how nicely your party went off1 followed us from ,montreux1 to enliven us here in our new home4 ,we only wish we could have been there4 ,you need not have apologised for giving so many details1 for it is just such little events of your daily life that we want to hear about4 ,my mouth quite waters for a bit of the cake they sent you2 ,i remember ,mrs4 ,dr4 ,j4 and others used to send us big loaves which were delicious1 and such as ,i never tasted out of ,newark4 ,we came here last ,thursday in a great snow-storm1 which was cheerless and cold enough after the warm weather we had had for so many weeks4 ,i do not suppose more snow fell on any day through the winter1 and we all shivered and lamented and huddled over the fire at a great rate4 ,yet ,i have just been driven indoors by the heat of the sun1 having begun to write at a little table just outside the house1 and fires and snow have disappeared4 ,george has gone to town with ,jules in the wagon to buy sugar1 oil1 oats1 buttons1 and ,i do not know what not1 and is no doubt thinking of you all2 for we do nothing but cry out how we wish you were here with us to enjoy this beautiful spot4 ,we are entirely surrounded by mountains in the distance1 and with green fields1 vineyards1 and cultivated grounds nearer home4 ,how your children would delight in the flowers1 the white doves1 the seven little tiny guinea pigs1 no bigger than your ,annie's hand shut up1 and the ample1 neat play-places all about us4 ,i can't tell you how ,george and ,i enjoy seeing ,m4 trotting about1 so eager and so happy1 and gathering up1 as we hope1 health and strength every hour6 ,we find the house1 on the whole1 very convenient1 and it is certainly as pleasant as can be2 every room cheerful and every window commanding a view which is ravishing4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,genevrier1 ,april #g1 #ahei4 ,you will be surprised1 ,i dare say1 to hear that ,i am writing out of doors2 ,i can hardly1 myself1 believe that it is possible to do so with comfort and safety at this season1 but it is perfectly charming weather1 neither cold or hot1 and with a small shawl and my bloomer on1 ,i am out a large part of the day4 ,you would fly here in a balloon if you knew what a beautiful spot we are in4 ,we are surrounded with magnificent views of both the lake and the mountains1 and can not turn in any direction without being ravished4 ,the house is pretty1 and in most respects well and even handsomely furnished2 damask curtains1 a ,titian1 a ,rembrandt1 and a ,murillo in the parlor2 the floors are waxed and carpetless1 to be sure1 but ,mrs4 ,buck has given us lots of large pieces of carpeting such as are used in this country to cover the middle of the rooms1 and these will make us comfortable next winter4 ,but the winters here are so short that one hardly gets fixed to meet them1 when they are over4 ,we have quite a nice garden1 from which we have already eaten lettuce1 spinach1 and parsley2 our potatoes were planted a day or two ago1 and our peas are just up4 ,one corner of the house1 unconnected with our part1 is occupied by a farmer who rents part of the land2 he is obliged to do our marketing1 etc41 and we get milk and cream from him4 ,i wish the latter was as easy to digest as it is palatable and cheap4 ,they beat it up here till it looks like pure white lather and eat it with sugar4 ,the grounds about our house are very neat and we shall have oceans of flowers of all sorts2 several kinds are in full bloom now4 ,the wild flowers are so profuse1 so beautiful and so various that ,a4 and ,i are almost demented on the subject4 ,from the windows ,i see first the wide1 gravelled walk which runs round the house2 then a little bit of a green lawn in which there is a little bit of a pond and a tiny jet d'eau which falls agreeably on the ear2 beyond this the land slopes gently upward till it is not land but bare1 rugged mountain1 here and there sprinkled with snow and interspersed with pine-trees4 ,the sloping land is ploughed up and men and women are busy sowing and planting2 too far off to disturb us with noise1 but looking1 the women at least1 rather picturesque in their short blue dresses and straw hats4 ,on the right hand the ,dent du ,midi is seen to great advantage2 it is now covered with snow4 ,the little village of ,st4 ,leger lies off in the distance2 you can just see its roofs and the quaint spire of a very old church2 otherwise you see next to no houses1 and the stillness is very sweet4 ,now won't you come8 ,the children seem to enjoy their liberty greatly1 and are running about all the time4 ,they have each a little garden and ,i hope will live out of doors all summer4 ,the state of her health during the next three months was a source of constant and severe suffering1 but could not quench her joy in the wonders of nature around her4 ,my drives about this lovely place1 she wrote in ,june1 have begun to give me an immense amount of pleasure2 indeed1 my faculty for enjoyment is so great1 that ,i sometimes think one day's felicity pays for weeks of misery1 and that if it hadn't been for my poor health1 ,i should have been too happy here4 ,nor did her suffering weaken in the least her sympathy with the troubles of her friends at home4 ,while for the most part silent as to her own peculiar trials1 her letters were full of cheering words about theirs4 ,to one of these she wrote at this time3 ,god has taken care that we should not enjoy so much of this world's comfort since we left home as to rest in it4 ,your letters are so sad1 that ,i have fancied you perhaps overestimated our situation1 feeling that you and your feeble husband were bearing the burden and heat of the day while we were standing idle4 ,my dear ----1 there are trials everywhere and in every sphere1 and every heart knoweth its own bitterness1 or else physical burdens are sent to take the place of mental depression4 ,after all1 it will not need more than an hour in heaven to make us ashamed of our want of faith and courage here on earth4 ,do cheer up1 dear child1 and look aloft6 ,poor ,mr4 ----6 ,i know his work is hard and up the hill1 but it will not be lost work and can not last forever4 ,it seems to me ,god might accept with special favor the services of those who toil in rowing4 ,after all1 it is not the amount of work ,he regards1 but the spirit with which it is done4 ,early in ,july she was made glad by the birth of her sixth child--her ,swiss boy1 as she liked to call him4 ,her gladness was not a little increased by a visit soon after from ,professor ,henry ,b4 ,smith1 of the ,union ,theological ,seminary4 ,this visit was one of the memorable events of her life abroad4 ,professor ,smith was not merely a great theologian and scholar2 he was also a man of most attractive personal qualities4 ,and1 when unbending among friends from his exacting literary labors1 the charm of his presence and conversation was perfect4 ,his spirits ran high1 and he entered with equal zest into the amusements of young or old4 ,his laugh was as merry as that of the merriest girl2 no boy took part more eagerly in any innocent sport2 nobody could beat him in climbing a mountain4 ,he was a keen observer1 and his humor--sometimes very dry1 sometimes fresh and bright as the early dew--rendered his companionship at once delightful and instructive4 ,his learning and culture were so much a part of himself1 that his most familiar talk abounded in the happiest touches about books and art and life4 ,all his finest traits were in full play while he was at ,genevrier1 and1 when he left1 his visit seemed like a pleasant dream4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,genevrier1 ,july #beth4 ,i am only too glad of the chance your husband gives me to write you another bit of a note4 ,we are enjoying his visit amazingly4 ,there are only two drawbacks to its felicity2 one is that he won't stay all summer1 and the other that you are not here4 ,the children were enchanted with the presents he brought them4 ,when ,i shall be on my feet and well and strong again time only can tell4 ,a4 has devoted herself to me in the sweetest way4 ,what she has been to me all winter and up to this time1 tongue could not tell4 ,my doctor is as kind as a brother4 ,he was a perfect stranger to me1 and was brought to my bedside when ,i was writhing in agony2 but in ten minutes his tenderness and sympathy made me forget that he was a stranger1 and1 through that long night of distress and the long day that followed1 he did every thing that mortal could do to relieve and comfort me4 ,he brought his wife up to see me the other day1 and ,i begged her to tell him how grateful ,i felt4 ,he is kind1 she answered1 but then he loves you so6 7,they both speak ,english47 ,i am so puffed up by his praises6 ,i am sure ,i thought ,i groaned1 but he says pas une gemissement4 ,august #adth4--,our two husbands have gone to ,lausanne for the day1 taking ,a4 with them4 ,they seem to be having real nice times together1 and if1 as your husband says1 his old wife were here1 his felicity and ours would be too great4 ,they lounge about1 talk1 drink soda-water1 and view the prospect4 ,dr4 ,buck came up from ,geneva on ,thursday and spent the night and part of ,friday with us1 and it would have done you good to hear him and your husband laugh4 ,he was quite enchanted with the place1 and says we never shall want to go home4 ,august #bc;d4--,your husband has given me leave to write you a little bit of a note out of my little bit of a heart on this little bit of paper4 ,he and ,a4 have just gone off to get some pretty grass for you4 ,he will tell you when he gets home how he baptized his namesake on ,sunday4 ,we have enjoyed his visit more than tongue can tell4 ,george says he has enjoyed it as much as he thought he should1 and ,i am sure ,i have enjoyed it a great deal more1 as ,i have been so much better in health than ,i expected4 ,but how you must miss him6 ,on the #abth of ,september--a faultless autumn day--she set out with her husband and eldest daughter for ,chamouni4 ,it was her first excursion for pleasure since coming to ,switzerland4 ,a visit to this great and marvelous handiwork of ,god is an event in the dullest life4 ,in her case the experience was so full of delight1 that it seemed almost to compensate for the cares and disappointments of the whole previous year4 ,the plan was to return to ,genevrier and then pass on to the ,bernese ,oberland1 but the visit to ,chamouni proved to be her last as well as her first pleasure excursion in ,switzerland4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,genevrier1 ,october #b1 #ahei4 ,i have1 been so absorbed with anxiety about the children since we got back from our journey1 that ,i have not felt like writing you a description of it4 ,george told you1 ,i suppose1 that the news awaiting us when we reached ,vevay was of the baby's having whooping-cough4 ,it was a great shock to us1 for the weather was dismally cold1 and it did not seem as if the little thing could get safely through the disease at so unfavorable a time of year4 ,then there were the other two to have it also4 ,on ,friday last baby's cry had become a sad sort of wail1 and he was so pale and weak1 that ,i did not see how he was going to rally2 but he is better to-day1 so that ,i begin to take breath4444 ,to go back to ,chamouni1 it seems a mercy that we went when we did4 ,we enjoyed the whole trip4 ,we made the excursion to the ,mer de ,glace in a pouring rain1 without injury to any of us1 and were well repaid for our trouble by the novelty of the whole expedition and the extraordinary sights we saw4 ,george intended taking us to the ,oberland if we found the children well on our return1 but all hope of accomplishing another journey was destroyed when we found what different business was before us4 ,it is a real disappointment1 for the weather is now mild and very fine1 just adapted to journeying1 and so many things have conspired to confine me to this spot1 that ,i have found it quite hard to be as patient and cheerful as ,i am sure ,i ought to be4 ,alas and alas6 what an insatiable thing human nature is6 ,how it craves every thing the world can offer1 instead of contenting itself with what ought to content it4 ,however1 ,i shall soon get over my fidgets1 and as to ,george1 of course he is only disappointed for me and ,a41 as he has visited the ,oberland1 and was only going to give us pleasure4 ,and1 if ,i must choose between the two1 ,i'd rather have the littlest baby in the world than see all the biggest mountains in it4 ,we are thankful to hear that mother still continues to be so well4 ,we long to see her1 and ,i think a look at her or a smile from her would do ,george good like a medicine4 ,october #agth4--,i went to church yesterday for the first time in ten months2 we came out at half-past ten1 so you see we have a tolerably long day before us when church is done4 ,it is not at all like going to church at home2 you not only find it painful to listen with such strict attention as the foreign tongue requires1 but you miss the neat1 well-ordered sanctuary1 the picture of family life 7for there are no little children present67 and the agreeable array of dress4 ,the flapping1 monstrous bloomers tire your eyes1 and so do the grotesque1 coarse clothes and the tokens of extreme poverty4 ,i grow more and more patriotic every day1 and am astonished at what ,i see and hear of life in ,europe4 ,i snatched one afternoon when the baby was better than usual to go to ,villeneuve with ,george to call on ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,h4 and the sister of ,mrs4 ,h41 who is one of our ,mercer street young ladies4 ,they were at the ,hotel ,byron1 where you stayed4 ,what a beautiful spot it is6 ,mr4 ,h4 afterwards came and dined with us1 and was so charmed with the place that he was tempted to take it when we leave2 his wife1 however1 had set her heart on going home at that time1 as she had left one child there4 ,the vintage is going on here at ,genevrier to-day1 and we are all invited to go and eat our fill4 ,to ,mrs4 ,henry ,b4 ,smith1 ,genevrier1 ,oct4 #bj1 #ahei4 ,you ask how ,i find time to make flower-pictures4 ,why1 ,i have been confined to the house a good deal by the baby's sickness1 and could hardly set myself about anything else when ,i was not watching and worrying about him4 ,when we got home from ,chamouni we found him with what proved to be a very serious disease in the case of so young a child4 ,it has shaken his little frame nearly to pieces1 leaving him after weeks of suffering not much bigger than a doll1 and all eyes and bones4 ,it was a pretty hard struggle for life1 and ,i hardly know how he has weathered the storm4 ,the idea of leaving our dear little ,swiss baby in a little ,swiss grave1 instead of taking him home with us1 was very distressing to me1 and ,i can not help earnestly desiring that death may not assail us in this foreign land4 ,our trip to ,chamouni was very pleasant and did me a deal of good4 ,if ,i could have kept on the mule-riding and mountain-viewing a few weeks ,i should have got quite built up1 but the children's coughs made it impossible to take any more journeys4 ,mr4 de ,palzieux1 our landlord1 called ,monday to see if ,i would sell him my sewing-machine1 as his wife was crazy to have one1 and didn't feel as if she could wait to get one from ,new ,york4 ,i told him ,i would1 and all night could not sleep for teaching him how to use it--for his wife is in ,germany1 and he had to learn for her4 ,i invited him to come to dinner on ,wednesday and take his lessons4 ,on ,tuesday ,george said he wanted me to make a pair of sleeves for ,mrs4 ,tholuck before the machine went off1 so ,i went to town to get the stuff1 at three o'clock began the sleeves and worked like a lion for a little over two hours1 when they were done1 beautifully4 ,this morning ,i made four collars1 which ,i shall want for ,christmas presents1 and a shirt for ,jules 7our old hired man71 who never had one made of linen1 and will go off the handle when he gets it4 ,so ,i am tolerably used up1 and shall be almost glad to send away the tempter to-morrow1 though ,i dare say ,i shall miss it4 ,i wish you could look out of my window this minute1 and see how beautiful the autumnal foliage is already beginning to look4 ,but my poor old head1 what shall ,i do with it6 ,you ask about my health2 ,i am as well as ,i can be without sleep4 ,i have had only one really good night since the baby came1 to say nothing of those before2 some worse than others1 to be sure2 but all wakeful to a degree that tries my faith not a little4 ,i don't see what is to hinder my going crazy one of these days4 ,however1 ,i won't if ,i can help it4 ,george goes to ,germany this week4 ,well1 my dear1 good-bye4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,dec4 #abth4 ,george got home a fortnight ago1 after his three weeks' absence2 looking nicely1 and more like himself than ,i have seen him in a long time4 ,he had a most refreshing time in ,germany among his old friends4 ,it does my heart good to see him so cheery and hopeful4 ,i have just seen the three babies safely in bed1 after no little scampering and carrying-on1 and now am ready for a little chat with you and dear mother4 ,george sits by me1 piously reading ,adam ,bede4 ,i was disappointed in the ,minister's ,wooing1 which he brought from ,germany1 and can not think ,mrs4 ,stowe came up to herself this time1 whatever the newspapers may say about it2 and as for the plot1 ,i don't see why she couldn't have let ,mary marry good old ,dr4 ,hopkins1 who was vastly more of a man than that harum-scarum ,james4 ,as to ,adam ,bede1 ,i think it a wonderful book1 beyond praise4 ,i hope these literary observations will be blessed to you1 my dear4 ,mrs4 ,tholuck sent me a very pretty worsted cape to wear about house1 or under a cloak4 ,we went to ,lausanne last ,wednesday 7,george1 ,a4 and ,i7 to do a little shopping for ,christmas1 and had quite a good time1 only as life is always mingled in sweet and bitter1 bitter and sweet1 we had the melancholy experience of finding1 when we got ready to come home1 that ,jules had taken a drop too much1 and was in a state of ineffable silliness1 which made ,george prefer to drive himself4 ,we begin now to think and talk about ,paris4 ,we have been buying this afternoon some ,swiss chlets and other things1 brought to the door by two women1 and ,i had hard work to keep ,george from taking a bushel or two4 ,he got leaf-cutters enough to stab all his friends to the heart4 ,most of our lady friends will receive a salad-spoon and fork from one or the other of us4 ,in fact1 ,i have no doubt we shall be seized at the ,custom-house as merchants in disguise4 ,well1 ,i must bid you good night4 ,the latter part of ,december her husband was requested to go to ,paris and take the temporary charge of the ,american chapel there4 ,he decided to do so1 with the understanding that she and the children should soon follow him4 ,but scarcely had he left ,geneva1 when first one and then another of the children was seized with scarlet fever4 ,here are a few extracts from her letters on the subject3 ,dec4 #cast4--,jules had hardly gone to the office1 when ,i became satisfied that ,g4 had scarlet fever beyond a doubt1 and therefore sent ,jeanette instantly to town to tell the doctor so1 and to ask him to come up4 ,he came1 and said at once ,i was quite right4444 ,as to our leaving here1 he said decidedly that it could not be under less than forty days4 ,i can not tell you1 my darling1 how grieved ,i am for you to hear this news4 ,now ,i know your first impulse will be to come home1 and perhaps to renounce the chaplaincy1 but ,i beg you to think twice--thrice before you decide to do so4444 ,how one thing hurries on after another6 ,but it is the universal cry1 everywhere2 everybody is groaning and travailing in pain together2 and we shall doubtless learn1 in eternity1 that our lot was not peculiar1 but that we had millions of unknown fellow-sufferers on the way4 ,don't be too disappointed1 but let us rather be thankful1 that if our poor children must be sick1 it was here and not in ,paris1 and now1 good night4 ,betake yourself to your knees1 when you have read this1 and pray for us with all your might4 ,jan4 #e1 #ahfj4--,the doctor has been here and says the other children must not meet ,g4 till the end of this month1 unless they are taken sick meantime4 ,poor ,m4 melted like a snow-flake in the fire1 when she heard that2 she begins to miss her little playmate1 and keeps running to say things to him through the key-hole1 and to serenade him with singing1 accompanied with a rattling of knives4 ,i see but one thing to be done2 for you to stay and preach and me to stay and nurse1 each in the place ,god has assigned us4444 ,you must pray for me1 that ,i may be patient and willing to have my coming to ,europe turn out a failure as far as my special enjoyment of it is concerned4 ,there are better things than going to ,paris1 being with you and hearing you preach2 pray that ,i may have them in full measure4 ,i can't bear to stop writing--good-bye1 my dearest love6 ,jan4 #aeth--,if you could look in upon us this evening1 you would be not a little surprised to see me writing in the corner of my room1 close to the wash-stand where my lamp is placed2 but you would see at a glance that the curtain of the bed is let down to shade our darling little ,m4's eyes1 as she lies close at my side4 ,how sorry ,i am1 as you can not see all this1 to have to tell it to you6 ,i have let her decide for me1 and she wants dear papa to know that she is sick4 ,oh1 why need ,i add another care to those you already suffer on our account6444 ,as to baby1 we are disposed to think that he has had the fever4 ,of course we do not know1 but it is pleasant to hope the best4444 ,and now1 my precious darling1 you see there is more praying work to do1 as ,i hinted in my ,saturday's note when my heart was pretty heavy within me4 ,i need not tell you what to ask for the dear child2 but for me do pray that ,i may have no will of my own4 ,all these trials and disappointments are so purely ,providential that it frightens me to think ,i may have much secret discontent about them1 or may like to plan for myself in ways different from ,god's plans4 ,yet in the midst of so much care and fatigue ,i hardly know how ,i do feel2 ,i am like a feather blown here and there by an unexpected whirlwind and ,i suppose ,i ought not to expect much of myself4 ,though ,he slay me yet will ,i trust in ,him1 ,i keep saying over and over to myself1 and if you are going to write a new sermon this week1 suppose you take that for your text4 ,i have not had one regret that you went to ,paris1 and as to your coming on1 ,i do hope you will not think of it1 unless you are sent for4 ,you could do nothing and would be very lonely and uncomfortable4 ,the doctor told me to tell you to stay where you were1 and that you ought to rejoice that the children are not sick in ,paris4 ,i do trust that in the end we shall come forth from this troublous time like gold from the furnace4 ,so far ,i have been able to do all that was necessary and ,i trust ,i shall continue so4 ,god bless you1 and bring us to a happy meeting in ,his own good time6 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,genevrier1 ,jan4 #ba1 #ahfj4 444 ,boiling over does one good of itself1 and ,i am sure you feel the better for having done so4 ,i do not know why men seem to get along without such reliefs as women almost always seek in this way2 whether there is less water in their kettles or whether their kettles are bigger than ours and boil with more safety4 ,it is a comfort to believe that1 whatever our troubles1 in the end all will work together for our good4 ,the new year has opened upon us here at ,genevrier pretty gloomily1 as ,george has told you4 ,you will not be surprised1 therefore1 to hear that ,m4 is also quite sick1 much sicker than ,g4 ,she is one of those meek1 precious little darlings whom it is painful to see suffer1 and ,i have hardly known what ,i was about1 or where ,i was1 since she was taken down4 ,my baby is deserted by us all2 ,i have only seen him in moments for three weeks4 ,you can not think how lonely poor ,a4 is2 half the time she eats alone in the big solitary dining-room2 nobody has any time to walk out with her1 what few children she knew are afraid to come here or to have her come nigh them1 and ,i feel as if ,i should fly1 when ,i think of it--for she is not strong or well and her life here in ,switzerland has been a series of disappointments and anxieties4 ,the only leisure moments ,i can snatch in the course of the twenty-four hours ,i have to spend in writing to ,george2 but the last few evenings ,m4 has slept1 so that ,i could play a game of chess with her and try to cheer and brace her up against next day's dreariness4 ,all her splendid dreams of getting off from this solitude to the life and stir of ,paris have been dissipated1 but she has never uttered one word of complaint2 ,i have not heard her say as much as ,isn't it too bad6 ,and indeed we ought none of us to say so or to feel so1 for the doctor assures me that for three such delicate children as he considers ours1 to pass safely through whooping-dough and scarlet-fever1 is a perfect wonder and that he is sure it is owing to the pure country air4 ,and when ,i think how different a scene our house might present if our three little ones had been snatched away1 as three or four even have been from other families1 ,i am ashamed of myself that ,i dare to sigh1 that ,i am lonely and friendless here1 or that ,i have anything to complain of4 ,it has been no small trial1 however1 to pass through such anxieties in so remote a place1 with ,george gone2 while on the other hand ,i have been most thankful that he has been spared all the details of the children's ailments1 and permitted once more to feel himself about his ,master's business4 ,providence most plainly called him to ,paris1 and ,i trust he will stay there and get good till we can join him4 ,but ,i feel uneasy about him1 too1 lest his anxiety about the children should hang as a dead weight on his not quite rested head and heart4 ,at any rate1 ,i shall be tolerably glad to see him again at the end of our two months' separation4 ,how ,i should love to drop in on you to-night6 ,doesn't it seem as if one could if one tried hard enough6 ,well1 good night to you4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,genevrier1 ,jan4 #bi1 #ahfj4 ,i believe ,george has written you about our private hospital4 ,he had not been gone to ,paris forty-eight hours when ,g4 was taken sick2 that was a month ago1 and ,i have only tasted the air twice in all that time4 ,g4 had the disease lightly4 ,m41 poor little darling1 was much sicker than he was4 ,it is a fortnight since she was taken and she hardly sits up at all2 an older child would be in bed1 but little ones never will give up if they can help it2 ,i suppose it is because they can be held in the arms and rocked1 and carried about4 ,i have passed through some most anxious hours on account of ,m41 and it seems little less than a miracle that she is still alive4 ,the baby is well1 and he is a nice little rosy fellow4 ,it was a dreadful disappointment to us to be detained here instead of going to ,paris4 ,i felt that ,i couldn't live longer in such entire solitude2 and just then1 lo and behold1 ,george was whisked off and ,i was shut up closer than ever4 ,it is a great comfort to me that he got off just when he did1 and has had grace to stay away2 on the other hand1 ,i need not say how his absence has aggravated my cares1 how solitary the season of anxiety has been1 and how1 at times1 my faith and courage have been put to their utmost stretch4 ,the whole thing has been so evidently ordered and planned by ,god that ,i have not dared to complain2 but1 my dear child1 if you had come in now and then with a little of your strengthening talk1 ,i can't deny ,i should have been most thankful4 ,it has been pretty trying for ,george to hear such doleful accounts from home1 but ,i hope the worst is over1 and that we shall be the wiser and the better for this new lesson of life4 ,dr4 ,curchod's rule is the same as ,dr4 ,buck's--forty days confinement to one room2 so we have a month more to spend here4 ,i am afraid ,i am writing a gloomy letter4 ,if ,i am1 you must try to excuse me and say1 ,poor child1 she isn't well1 and she hasn't had any good sleep lately1 and she's tired1 and ,i don't believe she means to grumble4 ,do so much for me1 and ,i'll do as much for you sometime4 ,i hear your husband has taken up a ,bible-class4 ,it is perfectly shocking4 ,does he want to kill himself1 or what ails him8 ,the pleasantest remembrance we shall have of this place is his visit4444 ,our doctor and his family stand out as bright lights in this picture2 he has been like a brother in sympathy and kindness4 ,we shall never forget it4 ,god has been so good to you and to me in sparing our children when assailed by so fearful a disease1 that we ought to love ,him better than we ever did4 ,i do so want my weary solitude to bear that fruit4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,paris4 ,sight-seeing4 ,a sick ,friend4 ,london and its ,environs4 ,the ,queen and ,prince ,albert4 ,the ,isle of ,wight4 ,homeward4 ,on the #bjth of ,february the family gladly bade adieu to ,switzerland and set out for ,paris1 arriving there on the morning of the #bb;d4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss was overjoyed to find herself once more in the world4 ,on the #bc;d she wrote to ,mrs4 ,smith3 ,we have got here safe and sound with our little batch of invalids4 ,they bore the journey very well and are heartily glad to get into the world again4 ,i am chock-full of worldliness4 ,all ,i think of is dress and fashion1 and1 on the whole1 ,i don't know that you are worth writing to1 as you were never in ,paris and don't know the modes1 and have perhaps foolishly left off hoops and open sleeves4 ,i long1 however1 to hear from you and your new babby1 and will try to keep a small spot swept clear of finery in my heart of hearts1 where you can sit down when you've a mind4 ,our little fellow is getting to be a sweet-looking baby1 with what his nurse calls a most gracieuse smile--if you can guess what kind of a smile that is4 ,but he is getting teeth and is looking delicate and soft1 and your ,hercules will knock him down1 ,i know4 ,but ,paris was far from fulfilling to her or to the children the bright anticipations with which it had been looked forward to from lonely ,genevrier4 ,the weather could hardly have been worse2 the house soon became another hospital2 and sight-seeing was a task4 ,friends1 however1 soon gathered about her1 and by their hospitality and little kindnesses1 relieved the tedium of the weary days4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,paris1 ,march #bg1 #ahfj4 ,we pass many lonely hours in this big city1 and often long for you and ,mr4 ,stearns to drop in1 or for a chance to run in to see dear mother4 ,getting nearer home makes it attractive4 ,it works in the natural life just as it does in the spiritual in that respect4 ,the weather is dreadful and has been for five months--scarcely one cheery day in that whole time4 ,what with this and the children's ill-health1 ,i should not wonder if we left ,paris as ignorant of its beauties as when we came4 ,but ,i hope we shall not let that worry us too much1 but rather be thankful that1 bad as things are1 they are not so bad as they might be4 ,our sympathies are greatly excited now for the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,little1 formerly of ,bangor1 who is in ,paris--alone1 friendless1 and sick4 ,if we could by any miraculous power stretch our scanty accommodations1 we should certainly take him home and nurse him till his wife could be got here4 ,you know1 perhaps1 that ,mrs4 ,little is a daughter of ,dr4 ,cornelius2 and1 when ,i recall the love and honor ,i was taught to feel towards him when ,i was a little girl1 my heart quite yearns towards her1 especially in this time of fearful anxiety about her husband4 ,how insignificant my own trials look to me1 when ,i think of the sorrow which is probably before her4 ,april #bfth4--,our patience is still tried by the cold1 damp1 and most unwholesome weather1 which prevents the children from going to see anything4 ,but we do not care so much for ourselves or for them as for poor ,mr4 ,little1 who is exceedingly feeble1 chiefly confined to his room1 and so forlorn in this strange1 homeless land4 ,while ,george was with him last evening1 he had a bad fit of coughing1 which resulted in the raising of a gill or so of blood4 ,i know you will feel interested to hear about him1 and will not wonder that our hearts are so full of sympathy for him and for his poor wife1 that we can hardly talk of anything else4 ,he expects her in about a week4 ,what a coming to ,europe for her6 ,how little those who stand on the shore to watch the departure of a foreign steamer1 know what they do when they envy its passengers6444 ,we buckled on our armor and began sight-seeing the other day1 going to see the ,sainte ,chapelle and the galleries and museum of the ,louvre among the rest4 ,the ,sainte ,chapelle is quite unlike anything ,i ever saw and delighted us extremely4 ,as to the ,louvre1 one needs several entire days to do justice to it1 besides an amount of youthful enthusiasm and bodily strength which we do not possess2 for1 amid midnight watchings over our sick children and the like1 the oil of gladness has about burnt out1 and we find sight-seeing a weary task4 ,may #beth4--,it does seem as if ,george's preaching was listened to with more and more serious attention1 and it may be seen long after he has rested from his labors on earth1 that he has done a good work here4 ,we both are much interested in ,professor #f ,huntington's sermons1 #g sent us by ,miss ,w4 ,this is a great deal for me to say1 because ,i do not like to read sermons4 ,during the last three weeks1 before ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,little left1 we accomplished very little4 ,it was not that we did or could do so very much for them1 but they had nobody to depend on but us1 and ,george was constantly going back and forth trying to make them comfortable1 arranging all their affairs1 etc4 ,she had a weary1 anxious two weeks here1 and now has set her face homewards1 not knowing but ,mr4 ,l4 may sink before reaching ,america4 ,it is a great comfort to us to have been able to soothe them somewhat as long as they stayed in ,paris4 ,george says it was worth coming here for that alone4 ,i say we1 but ,i mean ,george1 for what was done he did4 ,the most ,i could do was to feel dreadfully for them4 #h ,we are now to begin sight-seeing again1 and do all we can as speedily as possible1 for only two weeks remain4 ,the children are now pretty well4 ,the baby is at that dangerous age when they are forever getting upon their feet and tumbling over backward on their heads4 ,m4 is the oddest little soul4 ,belle says she would rather go to a funeral than see all the shops in ,paris1 and1 when they are out1 she can hardly keep her from following every such procession they meet4 ,i asked her the last time they went out if she had had a nice walk4 ,she said not very nice1 as she had only seen one pretty thing1 and that was a police-officer taking a man to jail4 ,the idea of going to ,england is very pleasant1 and1 if we only keep tolerably well1 ,i think it will do us all good4 ,what is dear mother doing about these times8 ,i always think of her as sitting by the little work-table in her room1 knitting and watching the children4 ,give lots of love and kisses to her1 and tell her we long to see her face to face4 ,kiss all the children for us--,i suppose they'll let you6 boys and all--and you may do as much for ,mr4 ,s4 if you want to4 ,good-bye4 ,on the #gth of ,june the family left ,paris for ,london4 ,a first visit to ,england-- ,that precious stone set in the silver sea-- is always an event full of interest to children of the ,new ,england ,puritans4 ,the sceptered isle is still in a sense their mother-country1 and a thousand ancestral ties attract them to its shores4 ,there is no other spot on earth where so many lines of their history1 domestic and public1 meet4 ,and in ,london1 what familiar memories are for them associated with almost every old street and lane and building6 ,the winter and spring of #ahfj had been cold1 wet and cheerless well-nigh beyond endurance2 and the summer proved hardly less dreary4 ,it rained nearly every day1 sometimes all day and all night2 the sun came out only at long intervals1 and then often but for a moment2 the atmosphere1 much of the time1 was like lead2 the moon and stars seemed to have left the sky2 even the ,english landscape1 in spite of its matchless verdure and beauty1 put on a forbidding aspect4 ,all nature1 indeed1 was under a cloud4 ,this1 added to her frail health1 made the summer a very trying one to ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 and yet it afforded her not a little real delight4 ,some of her pleasantest days in ,europe were spent in ,england4 ,the following extracts are from a little journal kept by her in ,london3 ,june #ajth4--,we went this morning to hear ,dr4 ,hamilton1 and were greatly edified by the sermon1 which was on the text3 ,hitherto hath the ,lord helped us4 ,in the afternoon we decided to go to ,westminster ,abbey4 ,it began to rain soon after we got out1 and we had a two miles' walk through the mud4 ,the old abbey looked as much like its picture as it could1 but pictures can not give a true idea of the grandeur of such a building4 ,we were a little late1 and every seat was full and many were standing1 as we had to do through the whole service4 ,the sermon struck me as a very ordinary affair1 though it was delivered by a lord4 ,but the music was so sweet1 performed for aught ,i know by angel--for the choir was invisible--and we stood surrounded by such monuments and covered by such a roof1 that we were not quite throwing away our time4 ,albert ,b---- dined with us1 and in the evening1 with one accord1 we went to hear ,dr4 ,hamilton again4 ,we had good seats and heard a most beautiful as well as edifying discourse on the first verses of the #ajc;d ,psalm4 ,some of the images were very fine1 and the whole tone of the sermon was moderate1 sensible1 and serious4 ,i use these words advisedly1 for ,i had an impression that he was a flowery1 popular man whom ,i should not relish4 ,at the close of the service a little prayer-meeting of half an hour was held1 and we came home satisfied with our first ,english ,sunday1 feeling some of our restless cravings already quieted as only contact with ,god's own people could quiet them4 #aath4--,went to see the ,crystal ,palace4 ,it proved a fine day1 and we took ,m4 with us4 ,none of us felt quite well1 but we enjoyed this new and beautiful scene for all that4 ,it is a little fairy land4 #adth4--,went to ,westminster ,abbey1 and spent some time there4 ,on coming out we made a rapid1 but quite amusing passage through several courts where we saw numerous great personages in stiff little gray wigs4 ,to my untrained1 irreverent eyes they all looked perfectly funny4 ,george was greatly interested and edified4 ,it has been raining and shining by turns all day1 and is this evening very cold4 #aeth4--,another of those days which the ,english so euphoniously term nasty4 ,not knowing what else to do with it1 we set off in search of ,no4 #e ,sermon ,lane1 a house connected with a stereoscopic establishment in ,paris1 which we reached after many evolutions and convolutions1 and found it to be a wholesale concern only4 ,pitying us for the trouble we had been at in seeking them1 they let us have what views we wanted1 but at higher prices than they sell them at ,paris4 ,we then went to the ,tract ,house1 and while selecting ,french and other tracts1 a gentleman came and asked for a quantity of the ,last ,hours of ,dr4 ,payson4 #afth4--,went to the ,tower1 and had a most interesting visit there4 ,we were particularly struck by some spots shown us by one of the wardens1 after the regular round had been gone through with1 and the other visitors dispersed--namely1 the cell where prisoners were confined with thumbscrews attached to elicit confession1 and the floor where ,lady ,jane ,grey was imprisoned4 ,we looked from the window where she saw her husband carried to execution1 and ,a4 was locked up in the room so as to be able to say she had been a prisoner in the ,tower4 #agth4--,heard ,dr4 ,hamilton again4 ,met ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,adams of ,new ,york there1 and had a most kind and cordial greeting from them4 ,dr4 ,a4 introduced us to ,dr4 ,hamilton4 ,in the evening we went to hear ,dr4 ,adams at ,dr4 ,h4's church1 and came home quite proud of our countryman1 who gave us a most excellent sermon4 ,at the close of the service ,dr4 ,h4 invited us to take tea with him next week1 and introduced us to his wife2 a young1 quiet little lady1 looking as unlike most of us ,american parsonesses as possible1 her parochial cares being1 perhaps1 less weighty than ours4 #ahth4--,two things made this day open pleasantly4 ,one was a decided attempt on the part of the sun to come out and shine4 ,the second was ,dr4 ,adams' dropping in and taking breakfast with us4 ,we also got letters from home1 and the news that ,mr4 ,little had reached ,new ,york in safety4 ,after lunch1 ,george went off in glory to the ,house of ,commons1 hinting that he might stay there till to-morrow morning1 and begging for a night-key to let himself in4 ,the rest of us went to the ,zoological ,garden1 which is much more ample and interesting than the ,jardin des ,plantes4 #bjth4--,yesterday it poured in torrents all day1 so that going out was not possible4 ,to-day we went out in the drops and between the drops1 to do a little shopping in the way of razors1 scissors1 knives1 needles1 and such like sharp and pointed things4 ,we stepped into ,nesbit's and took a view of ,little ,susy1 who looked as usual1 bought a few books1 subscribed to a library1 coveted our neighbor's property1 and came home covered with mud and mire4 #bb;d4--,went out to ,barnet to call on ,miss ,bird4 ,on reaching the station1 we found ,miss ,b4 awaiting us with phaeton and pony4 ,we were driven over a pretty three miles route to ,hurst ,cottage1 where we were introduced to ,mrs4 ,bird and a younger daughter1 and ,i had a nice little lunch1 together with pleasant chat about ,america in general and ,e4 ,l4 ,s4 in particular4 ,miss ,bird said she showed her likeness to a gentleman1 who is a great physiognomist1 and asked his opinion of her4 ,he replied1 ,she is a genius1 a poetess1 a ,christian1 and a true wife and mother4 ,we then went up-stairs1 and looked at ,miss ,b4's little study1 after which she took us to see the church in ,hadley1 a very old building dating back to #adid4 ,it has been repaired and restored and is a beautiful little church4 ,on leaving it ,miss ,bird came with us a part of the way to the station and we got home in good season for dinner4 ,the weather1 true to its rule1 could not last fine1 and so this evening it is raining again4 #i #bdth4--,no rain all day6 ,can it be true8 ,george went in the morning to hear ,mr4 ,binney1 and ,a4 and ,i to ,dr4 ,hamilton's1 who preached a very good sermon on a favorite text of mine1 ,i beseech ,thee show me ,thy glory4 ,in the evening ,dr4 ,patton1 of ,new ,york1 induced us to go with himself and wife to a meeting at a theatre three miles off4 ,the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,graham preached4 ,it was an interesting1 but touching and saddening sight to look upon the congregation2 to wonder why they came1 and whether they would come again1 and whether under those stolid and hardened faces there yet lay humanity4 ,many came with babies in their arms1 who made themselves very much at home2 some were in dirty week-day clothes2 some in rags and some in jags4 ,coming home we passed the spot where ,john ,rogers was burned1 and that where in time of the plague dead bodies were thrown in frightful heaps into one grave4 #beth4--,we took tea at ,dr4 ,hamilton's1 where we had a very pleasant evening1 meeting ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,adams1 as well as all ,dr4 ,h4's session4 ,dr4 ,h4 strikes one most agreeably1 and seems as genial and as full of life as a boy4 #bfth4--,visited ,windsor ,castle with ,dr4 ,adams and his party1 ten of us in all4 ,we drove afterward to see the country church-yard1 where ,grey wrote his elegy and where he now lies buried4 ,this was a most charming little trip and we all enjoyed it exceedingly4 ,the young folks gathered leaves and flowers for their books4 #bith4--,last evening we had a nice time and a cup of tea with the ,adamses4 ,to-day--another nasty day--they lunched with us1 which broke up its gloom and we went with them to see ,sloan's museum1 a most interesting collection4 ,we all enjoyed its novelty as well as its beauty4 ,she also records the pleasure with which she visited the ,national ,gallery1 ,madame ,tussaud's ,collection1 the ,british ,museum1 ,richmond1 the ,kew ,gardens1 and ,bunhill ,fields ,burying-,ground1 and1 in particular1 the grave of ,mr4 ,john ,bunyan4 ,not long before leaving ,london she attended a ,sunday evening service for the people in ,westminster ,abbey1 which interested her deeply4 ,it suggested--or rather was the original of--the scene in ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told3 ,when we first got into that grand place1 ,i was scared1 and thought they would drive us poor folks out4 ,but when ,i looked round1 most everybody was poor too4 ,at last ,i saw some of them get down on their knees1 and some shut their eyes1 and some took off their hats and held them over their faces4 ,father couldn't1 because he had me in his arms2 and so ,i took it off1 and held it for him4 ,what's it for8 says ,i4 ,hush1 says father1 the parson's praying4 ,when ,i showed ,,it to ,god1 the room seemed full of ,him4 ,but that's a small room4 ,the church is a million and a billion times as big1 isn't it1 ma'am8 ,but when the minister prayed1 that big church seemed just as full as it could hold4 ,then1 all of a sudden1 they burst out a-singing4 ,father showed me the card with large letters on it1 and says he1 ,sing1 ,lizzie1 ,sing6 ,and so ,i did4 ,it was the first time in my life4 ,the hymn said1 ,jesus1 lover of my soul1 ,let me to ,thy bosom fly1 and ,i whispered to father1 ,is ,jesus ,god8 ,yes1 yes1 said he1 ,sing1 ,lizzie1 sing6 ,after the praying and the singing1 came the preaching1 ,i heard every word4 ,it was a beautiful story4 ,it told how sorry ,jesus was for us when we did wrong1 bad things1 and how glad ,he was when we were good and happy4 ,it said we must tell ,him all our troubles and all our joys1 and feel sure that ,he knew just how to pity us1 because ,he had been a poor man three and thirty years1 on purpose to see how it seemed4 ,the most stirring sight by far which she witnessed while in ,london1 was a review of #bj1jjj volunteers by the ,queen in ,hyde ,park1 on the #bc;d of ,june4 ,she waited for it several hours1 standing much of the time upon a camp-stool4 ,as her ,majesty appeared1 accompanied by ,prince ,albert1 the curiosity of the immense crowd rose to such a pitch that every conceivable method was resorted to1 to catch a glimpse of the field4 ,men climbed on each other's shoulders1 gave 'fabulous prices' for chairs1 boxes1 and baskets1 raised their wives and sweethearts high in the air1 and so by degrees our view was quite obstructed4 #aj ,the scene did not1 perhaps1 in numbers or in the brilliant array of fashion1 rank1 and beauty surpass1 nor in military pomp and circumstance did it equal1 a grand review she had witnessed not long before in the ,champ de ,mars2 but in other respects it was far more impressive4 ,among the volunteers were thousands of young men in whose veins ran the best and most precious blood in ,england4 ,and then to an ,american wife and mother1 ,queen ,victoria was a million times more interesting than ,louis ,napoleon4 ,she stood then1 as happily she still stands1 at the head of the ,christian womanhood of the world2 and that in virtue not solely of her exalted position and influence1 but of her rare personal and domestic virtues as well4 ,she was then also at the very height of her felicity4 ,how little she or any one else in that thronging multitude dreamed1 that before the close of the coming year the form of the noble ,prince1 who rode by her side wearing an aspect of such manly beauty and content1 and who was so worthy to be her husband1 would lie mouldering in the grave6 #aa ,about the middle of ,july ,mrs4 ,prentiss with her husband and children left ,london for ,ventnor on the ,isle of ,wight1 where1 in spite of cold and rainy weather1 she passed two happy months4 ,with the exception of ,chateau d',oex1 no place in ,europe had proved to her such a haven of rest4 ,miss ,scott1 the hostess1 was kindness itself4 ,the ,isle of ,wight in summer is a little paradise2 and in the vicinity of ,ventnor are some of its loveliest scenes4 ,her enjoyment was enhanced by the society of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,jacob ,abbott1 who were then sojourning there4 ,an excursion taken with ,mr4 ,abbott was doubly attractive2 for1 as might be inferred from his books1 he was one of the most genial and instructive of companions1 whether for young or old4 ,a pilgrimage to the home and grave of the ,dairyman's ,daughter and to the grave of ,little ,jane1 and a day and night at ,alum ,bay1 were among the pleasantest incidents of the summer at ,ventnor4 ,of the visit to ,little ,jane's grave she gives the following account in her journal3 ,aug4 #ajth4--,to-day being unusually fine1 we undertook our long-talked-of expedition to ,brading4 ,on reaching the churchyard we asked a little boy who followed us in if he could point out ,little ,jane's grave2 he said he could and led us at once to the spot4 ,how little she dreamed that pilgrimages would be made to her grave6 ,our pigmy guide next conducted us to the grave-stones1 where her task was learned4 ,how old are you1 little fellow8 ,i asked4 ,getting an to five1 he replied4 ,and does everybody who comes here give you something8 ,some don't4 ,that's very naughty of them1 ,i continued2 after all your trouble they ought to give you something4 ,a shrewd smile was his answer1 and ,george then gave him some pennies4 ,what do you do with your pennies8 ,i asked4 ,i puts them in my pocket4 ,and then what do you do8 ,i saves them up4 ,and what then8 ,my mother buys shoe's when ,i get enough4 ,she is going to buy me some soon with nails in them6 ,these are dropping to pieces 7no such thing74 ,if that is the case1 quoth ,george1 ,i think ,i must give you some more pennies4 ,thank you1 said the boy4 ,do you see my sword8 ,george then asked him if he went to church and to ,sunday-school4 ,oh1 yes1 and there was an organ1 and they learned to sing psalms4 ,and to love ,god8 asked ,george4 ,yes1 yes1 he answered1 but not with much unction1 and so we turned about and came home4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,ventnor1 ,aug4 #bd1 #ahfj4 ,as this is to be our last letter home1 it ought to be a very brilliant one1 but ,i am sure it won't2 and when ,i look back over the past two years and think how many stupid ones ,i have written you1 ,i feel almost ashamed of myself4 ,but on the other hand ,i wonder ,i have written no duller ones1 for our staying so long at a time in one place has given small chance for variety and description4 ,it is raining and blowing at a rate that you1 who are roasting at home1 can hardly conceive2 we agreed yesterday that if you were blindfolded and suddenly set down here and told to guess what season of the year it was1 you would judge by your feelings and the wind roaring down the chimney1 that it was ,december4 ,however disagreeable this may be it is more invigorating than hot weather1 and ,george and the children have all improved very much4 ,george enjoys bathing and climbing the downs and the children are out nearly all day when it does not rain4 ,you may remember that the twilight is late in ,england1 and even the baby is often out till half-past eight or nine4444 ,i just keep my head above water by having no cares or fatigue at night4 ,i feel dreadfully that ,i am so helpless a creature1 but ,i believe ,god keeps me so for my mortification and improvement1 and that ,i ought to be willing to lead this good-for-nothing life if ,he chooses4 ,we have had the pleasure of meeting ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,abbott here4 ,they have gone now to spend the winter in ,paris4 ,mrs4 ,a4 sent her love to you again and again1 and ,i was very glad to meet her for your sake as well as her own1 and to know ,mr4 ,a4 better than ,i did before1 and it was very pleasant to ,george to chat with him4 ,we walked together to see ,shanklin ,chine4 ,a4 went with us1 and ,mr4 ,abbott amused her so on the way that she came home quite dissatisfied with her stupid papa and mamma4 ,we are talking of little else now but getting home1 and it is a pity you could not take down the walls of our hidden souls and see the various wishes and feelings we have on the subject4 ,i forgot to say how glad we were that you found ,george ,prentiss such a nice boy4 #ab ,i always loved him for ,abby's sake and he certainly was worthy of the affection she felt for him as the most engaging child ,i ever knew2 he is a thorough ,prentiss still1 it seems4 ,what is he going to be8 ,you must feel queer to have a boy in college2 it is like a strange dream4 ,our boys are two spunky little toads who need1 or will need1 all our energies to bring up4 ,i have quite got my hand out1 ,m4 is so good--and hate to begin4 ,but good-bye1 with love to mother1 ,mr4 ,s4 and the children4 ,the family embarked at ,cowes on the magnificent steamship ,adriatic1 ,september #acth1 and1 after a rough voyage1 reached ,new ,york on the #bdth of the same month4 ,old friends awaited their coming and welcomed them home again with open arms4 ,it was a happy day for ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 and in the abundance of its joy she forgot the anxious and solitary months through which she had just been passing4 ,she came back with four children instead of three2 her husband was1 partially at least1 restored to health2 and she breathed once more her native air4 #a ,a most faithful servant1 to whom ,mrs4 ,p4 was greatly attached4 #b ,the ,hon4 ,benjamin ,f4 ,butler1 of ,new ,york1 was one of the most honored members of the ,mercer street church4 ,he was known throughout the country as an eminent lawyer and patriotic citizen4 ,in the circle of his friends he was admired and beloved for his singular purity of character1 his scholarly tastes1 the kindness of his heart1 and all the other fine qualities that go to form the ,christian gentleman4 ,during a portion of ,president ,jackson's administration ,mr4 ,butler was ,attorney-,general of the ,united ,states4 ,he died in the sixty-third year of his age4 #c ,referring to the death of ,dr4 ,stearns' mother1 ,mrs4 ,abigail ,stearns1 of ,bedford1 ,mass4 #d ,mrs4 ,wainwright and her husband1 the late ,eli ,wainwright1 were members of the old ,mercer street ,presbyterian church1 and both of them unwearied in their kindness to ,mrs4 ,prentiss and her husband4 #e ,far along1 ,from peak to peak1 the rattling crags among1 ,leaps the live thunder6 ,not from one lone cloud1 ,but every mountain now hath found a tongue1 ,and ,jura answers1 through her misty shroud1 ,back to the joyous ,alps1 which call to her aloud6 #f ,now ,bishop of the ,p4 ,e4 ,church of ,central ,new ,york4 #g ,christian ,believing and ,living4 #h ,the ,rev4 ,george ,b4 ,little was born in ,castine1 ,maine1 ,december #ba1 #ahba4 ,he was graduated at ,bowdoin ,college in #ahdc4 ,having studied theology at ,andover1 he was ordained in #ahdi pastor of the ,first ,congregational church in ,bangor1 ,me4 ,in #ahej he married ,sarah ,edwards1 daughter of that admirable and whole-souled servant of ,christ1 the ,rev4 ,elias ,cornelius1 ,d4,d4 ,in ,november1 #aheg1 ,mr4 ,little was installed as pastor of the ,congregational church in ,west ,newton1 ,mass4 ,early in ,march1 #ahfj1 he went abroad for his health1 but returned home again in ,may1 and died among his own people1 ,july #bj1 #ahfj4 ,the last words he littered were1 ,i shall soon be with ,christ4 ,mr4 ,little was a man of superior gifts1 full of scholarly enthusiasm1 and devoted to his ,master's work4 #i ,miss ,bird is known to the world by her remarkable books of travel in ,japan and elsewhere4 #aj ,an account of the ,volunteer ,review in ,hyde ,park is given in ,sir ,theodore ,martin's admirable ,life of the ,prince ,consort1 ,vol4 ,v41 pp4 #aje-f1 ,am4 ,ed4 ,the ,prince himself1 in responding to a toast the same evening1 speaks of it as a scene which will never fade from the memory of those who had the good fortune to be present4 #aa ,it is hardly possible to allude to the great affliction of this illustrious lady without thinking also of the persistent acts of womanly sympathy by which1 during the anguish and suspense of the past two months1 she has tried to minister comfort to the stricken wife of our suffering and now sainted ,president4 ,certainly1 the whole case is unique in the history of the world4 ,by this most tender and ,christ-like sympathy1 she has endeared herself in a wonderful manner to the heart of the ,american people4 ,god bless ,queen ,victoria6 they say with one voice4--,new ,york1 ,september #bd1 #ahha4 #ab ,the eldest son of her brother-in-law1 ,mr4 ,s4 ,s4 ,prentiss1 a youth of rare promise1 and who had especially endeared himself to his ,aunt ,abby4 ,he died of fever at ,tallahoma1 ,tennessee1 during the war4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,,the ,,struggle ,,with ,,ill-,,health4 #ahfa-ahfe4 ,i4 ,at ,home again in ,new ,york4 ,the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,increasing ,ill-health4 ,the ,summer of #ahfa4 ,death of ,louisa ,payson ,hopkins4 ,extracts from her ,journal4 ,summer of #ahfb4 ,letters4 ,despondency4 ,we come now to a new phase of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' experience as a pastor's wife4 ,before her husband resigned his ,new ,york charge1 during the winter of #aheg-h1 the question of holding a service in the upper part of the city1 with the view to another congregation1 was earnestly discussed in the session and among the leading members of the church1 but nothing then came of it4 ,soon after his return from ,europe1 however1 the project was revived1 and resulted at length in the formation of the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,in consequence of the great civil war1 which was then raging1 the undertaking encountered difficulties so formidable1 that nothing but extraordinary zeal1 liberality1 and wise counsel on the part of his friends and the friends of the movement could overcome them4 ,for two or three years the new congregation held service in what was then called ,dodworth's ,studio ,building at the corner of ,fifth avenue and ,twenty-sixth street1 but in #ahfd it entered the chapel on ,thirty-fifth street1 and in #ahfe occupied the stately edifice on ,park avenue4 ,in the manifold labors1 trials1 and discouragements connected with this work1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss shared with her husband2 and1 when finally crowned with the happiest success1 it owed perhaps as much to her as to him4 ,this brief statement seems needful in order to define and render clear her position1 as a pastor's wife1 during the next twelve years4 ,after spending some weeks in ,newark and ,portland1 she found herself once more in ,new ,york in a home of her own and surrounded by friends1 both old and new4 ,the records of the following four or five years are somewhat meagre and furnish few incidents of special significance4 ,the war1 with its terrible excitement and anxieties1 absorbed all minds and left little spare time for thought or feeling about anything else4 ,domestic and personal interests were entirely overshadowed by the one supreme interest of the hour--that of the imperiled ,national life4 ,it was for ,mrs4 ,prentiss a period also of almost continuous ill-health4 ,the sleeplessness from which she had already suffered so much assumed more and more a chronic character1 and1 aggravated by other ailments and by the frequent illness of her younger children1 so undermined her strength1 that life became at times a heavy burden4 ,she felt often that her days of usefulness were past4 ,but the ,master had yet a great work for her to do1 and-- ,in ways various1 ,or1 might ,i say1 contrarious-- ,he was training her for it during these years of bodily infirmity and suffering4 ,the summer of #ahfa was passed at ,newport4 ,in a letter to ,mrs4 ,smith1 dated ,july #bhth1 she writes3 ,we find the ,cliff ,house delightful1 within a few minutes' walk of the sea1 which we have in full view from one of our windows4 ,and we have no lack of society1 for the ,bancrofts1 ,miss ,aspinwall and her sister1 as well as the ,skinners1 are very friendly4 ,but ,i am so careworn and out of sorts1 that this beautiful ocean gives me little comfort4 ,i seem to be all the time toting one child or another about1 or giving somebody paregoric or rhubarb1 or putting somebody to sleep1 or scolding somebody for waking up papa1 who is miserable1 and his oration untouched4 ,there1 don't mind me2 it's at the end of a churchless ,sunday1 and ,i dare say ,i am only peevis'1 as the little boy said4 ,but in a few weeks the children were well again and her own health so much improved1 that she was able to indulge in surf-bathing1 which she enjoyed tremendously1 and early in the fall the whole family returned to town greatly refreshed by the summer's rest4 ,on the #bdth of ,january1 #ahfb1 her sister1 ,mrs4 ,hopkins1 died4 ,this event touched her deeply4 ,she hurried off to ,williamstown1 whence she wrote to her husband1 who was unable to accompany her3 ,if you had known that ,i should not get here till half-past nine last night1 and that in an open sleigh from ,north ,adams1 you would not have let me come4 ,but so far ,i am none the worse for it2 and1 when ,i came in and found the ,professor and ,t4 and ,eddy sitting here all alone and so forlorn in their unaccustomed leisure1 ,i could not be thankful enough that a kind ,providence had allowed me to come4 ,it is a very great gratification to them all1 especially to the ,professor1 and even more so than ,i had anticipated4 ,in view of the danger of being blocked up by another snow-storm1 ,i shall probably think it best to return by another route1 which they all say is the best4 ,i hope you and my precious children keep well4 ,no picture of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' life would be complete1 in which her sister's influence was not distinctly visible4 ,to this influence she owed the best part of her earlier intellectual training2 and it did much to mould her whole character4 ,mrs4 ,hopkins was one of the most learned1 as well as most gifted1 women of her day2 and had not ill-health early disabled her for literary labors1 she might1 perhaps1 have won for herself an enduring name in the literature of the country4 ,there were striking points of resemblance between her and ,sara ,coleridge2 the same early intellectual bloom2 the same rare union of feminine delicacy and sensibility with masculine strength and breadth of understanding2 the same taste for the beautiful in poetry1 in art1 and in nature1 joined to similar fondness for metaphysical studies2 the same delight in books of devotion and in books of theology2 and the same varied erudition4 ,only one of them seems to have been an accomplished ,hebraist1 but both were good ,latin and ,greek scholars2 and both were familiar with ,italian1 ,spanish1 ,french1 and ,german4 ,even in ,sara ,coleridge's admiration and reverence for her father1 ,mrs4 ,hopkins was in full sympathy with her4 ,she lacked1 indeed1 that poetic fancy which belonged to the author of ,phantasmion2 nor did she possess her mental self-poise and firmness of will2 but in other respects1 even in physical organization and certain features of countenance1 they were singularly alike4 ,and they both died in the fiftieth year of their age4 ,louisa ,payson was born at ,portland1 ,february #bd1 #ahab4 ,even as a child she was the object of tender interest to her father on account of her remarkable intellectual promise4 ,he took the utmost pains to aid and encourage her in learning to study and to think4 ,the impression he made upon her may be seen in the popular little volume entitled ,the ,pastor's ,daughter1 which consists largely of conversations with him1 written out from memory after his death4 ,she was then in her sixteenth year4 ,the records of the next eight years1 which were mostly spent in teaching1 are very meagre2 but a sort of literary journal1 kept by her between #ahce and #ahdj1 shows something of her mental quality and character1 as also of her course of reading4 ,she was twenty-three years old when the journal opens4 ,here are a few extracts from it3 ,,boston1 ,nov4 #ah1 #ahce4 ,last evening ,i passed in company with ,mr4 ,dana4 #a ,i conversed with him only for a few moments about ,mr4 ,alcott's school1 and had not time to ask one of the ten thousand questions ,i wished to ask4 ,i have been trying to analyse the feeling ,i have for men of genius1 ,coleridge1 ,wordsworth and ,dana1 for example4 ,i can understand why ,i feel for them unbounded admiration1 reverence and affection1 but ,i hardly know why there should be so much excitement--painful excitement--mingled with these emotions4 ,next to possessing genius myself would be the pleasure of living with one who possessed it4 ,nov4 #aith4--,i have read to-day one canto of ,dante's ,inferno and eight or ten pages of ,cicero de ,amicitia4 ,in this1 as well as in de ,senectute which ,i have just finished1 ,i am much interested4 ,i confess ,i am not a little surprised to find how largely the moderns are indebted to the ancients2 how many wise observations on life1 and death1 the soul1 time1 eternity1 etc1 have been repeated by the sages of every generation since the days of ,cicero4 ,jan4 #adth1 #ahcf4--;,i spent last evening with ,mr4 ,dana1 and the conversation was1 of course1 of great interest4 ,we talked of some of the leading ,reviews of the day1 and then of the character of our literature as connected with our political institutions4 ,this led to a long discussion of the latter subject1 but as the same views are expressed in ,mr4 ,d4's article on ,law1 ,i shall pass it over4 #b ,i differed from him in regard to the ,french comedies1 especially those of ,moliere2 however1 he allowed that they contain genuine humor1 but they are confined to the exhibition of one ridiculous point in the character1 instead of giving us the whole man as ,shakespeare does4 ,sept1 #bb;d4--,this morning ,i have had one of the periods of insight1 when the highest spiritual truths pertaining to the divine and human natures1 become their own light and evidence1 as well as the evidence of other truths4 ,no speculations1 no ridicule can shake my faith in that which ,i thus see and feel4 ,i was particularly interested in thinking of the regeneration of the spirit and the part which ,faith1 ,hope1 and ,love1 have in effecting it4 ,sab4 #bc;d4--,it seems to me that this truth alone1 there is a ,god1 is sufficient1 rightly believed1 to make every human being absolutely and perfectly happy4 ,jan4 #adth1 #ahci4--,wednesday evening attended ,mr4 ,emerson's lecture on ,genius1 of which ,i shall attempt to say nothing except that it was most delightful4 ,thursday morning ,mr4 ,emerson #c called to see me and gave me a ticket for his course4 ,afterwards ,mr4 ,dana called4 ,it seems to me that ,i have lived backwards2 in other words1 the faculties of my mind which were earliest developed1 were those which in other minds come last--reflection and solidity of judgment2 while fancy and imagination1 in so far as ,i have any at all1 have followed4 ,sat4 ,jan4 #bfth4--,my occupations in the way of books at present1 consist in reading ,antigone1 ,guizot's ,history1 ,lockhart's ,scott1 and sundries4 ,i am also translating large extracts from ,claudius1 with a view to writing an article about him1 if the fates shall so will it4 #d ,thurs4 ,jan4 #ast4--,mr4 ,emerson's lecture last night was on ,comedy4 ,he professed to enter on the subject with reluctance1 as conscious of a deficiency in the organ of the ludicrous--a profession1 however1 that was not substantiated very well by the lecture itself1 which convulsed the audience with laughter4 ,he spoke in the commencement of the silent history written in the faces of an assembly1 making them as interesting to a spectator as if their lives were written in their features4 #beth4--,i began yesterday ,schleiermacher's ,christliche ,glaube--a profound1 learned1 and difficult work1 ,i am told--,jouffroy's ,philosophical ,writings1 ,landor's ,pericles and ,aspasia1 and ,the ,gurney ,papers4 ,considering that ,i was already in the midst of several books1 this is rather too much1 but ,i could not help it2 the books were lent me and must be read and returned speedily4 ,i have been all the morning employed in writing an abstract of the ,report of the ,prison ,discipline ,society1 and am wearied and stupefied4 ,jan4 #gth1 #ahdj4--,went to ,mr4 ,ripley's where ,i met ,dr4 ,channing1 and listened to a discussion of ,spinoza's religious opinions4 ,this afternoon ,mr4 ,d4 came again2 talked about the ,trinity and other theological points4 ,this evening1 heard ,prof4 ,silliman4 ,i have nearly finished ,fichte1 and like him on the whole exceedingly1 though ,i think he errs in placing the roots of the speculative in the practical reason4 ,it seems to me that neither grows out of the other1 but that they are coincident spheres4 ,still1 there is a truth1 a great truth1 in what he says4 ,it is true that action is often the most effectual remedy against speculative doubts and perplexities4 ,when you are in the dark about this or that point1 ask what command does conscience impose upon me at this moment--obey it and you will find light4 ,these extracts will suffice to show the quality and extent of her reading4 ,what sort of fruit her reading and study bore may be seen by her articles on ,claudius and ,goethe1 in the ,new ,york ,review4 ,no abler discussion of the genius and writings of ,goethe had at that time appeared in this country2 while the article on ,claudius was probably the first to make him known to ,american readers4 ,during many of the later years of her life ,mrs4 ,hopkins was a martyr to ill-health4 ,the story of her sufferings1 both physical and mental1 as artlessly told in little diaries which she kept1 is wondrous pitiful2 no pen of fiction could equal its simple pathos4 ,again and again1 as she herself knew1 she was on the very verge of insanity2 nothing1 probably1 saving her from it but the devotion of her husband1 who with untiring patience and a mother's tenderness ministered1 in season and out of season1 to her relief4 ,often would he steal home from his beloved ,observatory1 where he had been teaching his students how to watch the stars1 and pass a sleepless night at her bedside1 reading to her and by all sorts of gentle appliances trying to soothe her irritated nerves4 ,and this devotion ran on1 without variableness or shadow of turning1 year after year1 giving itself no rest until her eyes were closed in death4 #e ,let us now resume our narrative4 ,a portion of the summer of #ahfb was passed by ,mrs4 ,prentiss at ,newport4 ,her season of rest was again invaded by severe illness among her children4 ,under date of ,august #c;d1 she writes to ,mrs4 ,smith3 ,i can see that our landlady1 who has good sense and experience1 thinks ,g4 will not get well4 ,sometimes1 in awful moments1 ,i think so too2 but then ,i cheer up and get quite elated4 ,last night as ,i lay awake1 too weary to sleep1 ,i heard a harsh1 rasping sound like a large saw4 ,i thought some animal unknown to me must be making it1 it was so regular and frequent4 ,but after a time ,i found it was a dying young soldier who lives farther from this house than ,miss ,h4 does from our house in ,new ,york4 ,his fearful cough6 ,oh1 this war6 this war6 ,i never hated and revolted against it as ,i did then4 ,i had heard some one say such a young man lay dying of consumption in this street1 but till then was too absorbed with my own incessant cares to hear the cough1 as the rest had done4 ,i never realised how ,i felt about our country till ,i found the terror of losing1 a link out of that little golden chain that encircles my sweetest joys1 was a kindred suffering4 ,have the times ever looked so black as they do now8 ,we seem to be drifting round without chart or pilot4 ,two weeks later1 ,august #agth1 she writes to her cousin1 ,miss ,shipman3 ,g4 is really up and about1 looking thin and white1 and feeling hungry and weak2 but little ,h4 has been sick with the same disease these ten days past4 ,i got your letter and the little cat1 for which ,g4 and ,i thank you very much4 ,i should think it would about kill you to cook all day even for our soldiers1 but on the whole can not blame any one who wants to get killed in their service4 ,i am impressed more and more with their claims upon us1 who confront every danger and undergo every suffering1 while we sit at home at our ease4 ,however1 the ease ,i have enjoyed during the last five weeks has not been of a very luxurious kind1 and ,i have felt almost discouraged1 as day after day of confinement and night after night of sleeplessness has pulled down my strength4 ,but1 what am ,i doing8 ,complaining1 instead of rejoicing that ,i am not left unchastised4 ,after a careworn summer at ,newport1 she went with the children to ,williamstown1 where a month was passed with her brother-in-law1 ,professor ,hopkins4 ,the following letters relate to this visit3 ,to her ,husband1 ,williamstown1 ,sept4 #ai1 #ahfb4 ,i am glad to find that you place reliance on the reports of our late victory1 for ,i have been in great suspense1 seeing only ,the ,world1 which was throwing up its hat and declaring the war virtually ended4 ,i have no faith in such premature assertions1 of which we have had so many1 but was most anxious to know your opinion4 ,do not fail to keep me informed of what is going on4 ,the children are all out of doors and enjoying themselves4 ,the ,professor has gone on horseback to see about his buckwheat4 ,he took me up there yesterday afternoon1 and ,i crawled through forty fences 7more or less7 and got a vast amount of exercise1 which did not result in any better sleep1 however1 than no exercise does4 ,caro4 ,h4 read me yesterday a most interesting letter from her brother ,henry1 describing the scene at ,bull ,run when he went there five days after the battle4 ,it is very painful to find such mismanagement as he deplores4 ,he gave a most touching account of a young fellow who lay mortally wounded1 where he had lain uncared-for with his companions the five days1 and whom they were obliged to decline removing1 as they had only room for a portion of the hopeful cases4 ,after beseeching ,mr4 ,h4 to see that he was removed1 and entreating to know when and how he was ever to get home if they left him1 he was told that it was not possible to make room for him in this train of ambulances4 ,as ,mr4 ,h4 tore himself away1 he heard him say1 ,here1 ,lord1 ,i give myself away2 ',tis all that ,i can do4 ,the torture of the wounded men in the ambulances was so frightful1 that ,mr4 ,h4 gave each of them morphine enough to kill three well men4 ,they cried for it like dogs and licked my hands lest they should lose a drop1 he adds4 ,as a contrast to this letter1 some of the new recruits came into the ,professor's grounds yesterday to get bouquets1 and thought if their folks had a yard so gayly decked with flowers they would feel set up4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,williamstown1 ,sept4 #be1 #ahfb4 ,i have been feeling languid1 or lazy1 ever since ,i came here1 and for a few days past have been miserable2 but ,i am better to-day4 ,this place is perfectly lovely and grows upon me every day4 ,but the ,professor is entirely absorbed in his loss4 ,he does not know it1 or else thinks he does not show it1 for he makes no complaint1 but it is in every tone and word and look4 ,it is plain that ,louisa's ill-health1 which might have weaned a selfish man from her1 only endeared her to him2 she was so entirely his object day and night1 that he misses her and the care of her1 as a mother does her sick child4 ,if we ride out he says1 ,here ,i often came with her2 if a bird sings1 ,that is a note she used to love2 if we see a flower1 ,that is one of the flowers she loved4 ,he has an astonishing amount of journal manuscripts1 and ,i think may in time prepare something from them4444 ,isn't it frightful how cotton goods have run up6 ,i gave twenty cents for a yard of silicia 7is that the way to spell it87 and suppose everything else has rushed up too4 ,i hope you are prepared to tell me exactly what to buy and instruct me in the way ,i should go4 ,to her ,husband1 ,williamstown1 ,sept4 #bf4 ,i spent yesterday forenoon looking over ,louisa's papers and found an enormous mass of manuscript2 journals1 extract books1 translations1 and work enough planned and begun for many lifetimes4 ,it was very depressing4 ,one's only refuge is faith in ,god1 and in the certainty that her lingering illness was more acceptable to ,him than years of active usefulness1 and such extraordinary usefulness even as she was so fitted for4 ,i read over some of my own letters written many1 many years ago2 and the sense this gave me of lost youth and vivacity and energy1 was1 for a time1 most painful4444 ,i have felt for a long while greatly discouraged and depressed1 yes1 weary of my life1 because it seems to me that broken down and worn out as ,i am1 and full of faults under which ,i groan1 being burdened1 ,i could not make you happy4 ,but your last letter comforted me a good deal4 ,i see little for us to do but what you suggest3 to cheer each other up and wear out rather than rust out4 ,it is more and more clear to me1 that patience is our chief duty on earth1 and that we can not rest here4 ,i am anxious to know what you think of the ,president's ,proclamation4 #f ,the ,professor likes it4 ,he seems able to think of little but his loss4 ,even when speaking in the most cheerful way1 tears fill his eyes1 and the other day putting a letter into my hands to read1 he had to run out of the room4 ,the letter stated that fifty young persons owed their conversion to ,louisa's books2 it was written some years ago4 ,his mother spent ,saturday here4 ,she is very bright and cheerful and full of sly humor2 he did everything to amuse her and she enjoyed her visit amazingly4 ,i long to see you4 ,letters are more and more unsatisfactory1 delusive things4 ,m4 is going to have a party this afternoon1 and is going to one this forenoon4 ,the others are bright and busy as bees4 ,good-bye4 ,a tinge of sadness is perceptible in most of her letters during this year4 ,her sister's death1 the fearful state of the country1 protracted sickness among her children1 and her own frequent ill-turns and increasing sense of feebleness1 all conspired to produce this effect4 ,but in truth her heart was still as young as ever and a touch of sympathy1 or an appeal to her love of nature1 instantly made it manifest4 ,an extract from a letter to ,miss ,anna ,warner1 dated ,new ,york1 ,december #afth1 may serve as an instance3 ,i wanted to write a book when the trunk came this afternoon2 that is1 a book full of thanks and exclamation marks4 ,you could not have bought with money anything for my ,christmas present1 that could give half the pleasure4 ,i shut myself up in my little room up-stairs 7,i declare ,i don't believe you saw that room6 did you871 and there ,i spread out my mosses and my twigs and my cones and my leaves and admired them till ,i had to go out and walk to compose myself4 ,then the children came home and they all admired too1 and among us we upset my big work-basket and my little work-basket1 and didn't any of us care4 ,my only fear is that with all you had to do you did too much for me4 ,those little red moss cups are too lovely6 and as to all those leaves how ,i shall leaf out6 ,g4 asked me who sent me all those beautiful things4 ,miss ,warner1 quoth ,i absently4 ,didn't ,miss ,anna send any of them8 he exclaimed4 ,so you see you twain do not pass as one flesh here4 ,i have read all the ,books of ,blessing #g save ,gertrude and her ,cat--but though ,i like them all very much1 my favorite is still ,the ,prince in ,disguise4 ,if you come across a little book called ,earnest1 #h published by ,randolph1 do read it4 ,it is one of the few real books and ought to do good4 ,i have outdone myself in picture-frames since you left4 ,i got a pair of nippers and some wire1 which were of great use in the operation4 ,i am now busy on ,mr4 ,bull1 for ,mr4 ,prentiss' study4 ,to one of her sisters-in-law she wrote1 under the same date3 ,i do not know as ,i ever was so discouraged about my health as ,i have been this fall4 ,sometimes ,i think my constitution is quite broken down1 and that ,i never shall be good for anything again4 ,however1 ,i do not worry one way or the other but try to be as patient as ,i can4 ,i have been a good deal better for some days1 and if you could see our house you would not believe a word about my not being well1 and would know my saying so was all a sham4 ,to tell the truth1 it does look like a garden1 and when ,i am sick ,i like to lie and look at what ,i did when ,i wasn't2 my wreaths1 and my crosses1 and my vines1 and my toadstools1 and other fixins4 ,yesterday ,i made a bonnet of which ,i am justly proud2 to-morrow ,i expect to go into mosses and twigs1 of which ,miss ,anna ,warner has just sent me a lot4 ,she and her sister were here about a fortnight4 ,they grow good so fast that there is no keeping track of them4 ,does any body in ,portland take their paper8 #i ,the children are all looking forward to ,christmas with great glee4 ,it is a mercy there are any children to keep up one's spirits in these times4 ,was there ever anything so dreadful as the way in which our army has just been driven back6 #aj ,but if we had had a brilliant victory perhaps the people would have clamored against the emancipation project1 and anything is better than the perpetuation of slavery4 ,our congregation is fuller than ever1 but there is no chance of building even a chapel4 ,shopping is pleasant business now-a-days1 isn't it8 ,we shall have to stop sewing and use pins4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,another care-worn ,summer4 ,letters from ,williamstown and ,rockaway4 ,hymn on ,laying the ,corner-stone of the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,the records of #ahfc are confined mostly to her letters written during the summer4 ,in ,june she went again with the younger children to ,williamstown1 where she remained a month4 ,the family then proceeded to ,rockaway1 ,long ,island1 and spent the rest of the season there in a cottage1 kindly placed at their disposal by ,mrs4 ,william ,g4 ,bull4 ,they passed through ,new ,york barely in time to escape the terrible riots1 which raged there with such fury in the early part of ,july4 ,a few extracts from her letters belonging to this period follow3 ,to her ,husband1 ,troy1 ,june #aj4 ,i hope you'll not be frightened to get a letter mailed here2 anyhow ,i can't resist the temptation to write1 though standing up in a little newspaper office4 ,we were routed up at half past five this morning by pounds and yells about taking the ,northern ,railroad4 ,on reaching ,troy the captain bid us hurry or we should lose the train1 and we did hurry1 though ,i pretty well foresaw our fate1 and after a running walk of a quarter of a mile1 we had the felicity of finding the train had left and that the next one would not start till twelve4 ,the little darlings are bearing the disappointment sweetly4 #d ,p4,m4--,after depositing my note in the ,post-office1 we strolled about awhile and then came across to a hotel1 where ,i ordered a lunch-dinner4 ,we got through at twelve and marched to the station1 expecting to start at once1 when ,m4 came running up to me declaring there was no train to ,williamstown till five o'clock4 ,my heart fairly turned over2 however1 ,i did not believe it1 but on making inquiries it proved to be only too true4 ,for a minute ,i sat in silent despair4 ,just then the landlord of the hotel drew nigh and said to me1 ,you don't look very healthy1 ,mrs42 if you'll walk over to my house1 ,i will give you a bedroom free of charge and you can lie down and rest awhile4 ,over to his house we went1 weary enough4 ,after awhile1 finding them all forlorn1 ,i got a carriage and we drove out2 on coming back ,i ordered some ice-cream1 which built us all up amazingly4 ,the children are now counting the minutes till five4 ,one of the boys is perched on a wash-stand with his feet dangling down through the hole where the bowl should be2 the other is eating crackers2 the landlord is anxious ,i should take a glass of wine2 and ,m4 is everywhere at once1 having nearly worn out my watch-pocket to see what time it was4 ,monday1 ,june #bast4--,it is now going on a fortnight since we left home4 ,oh1 if it were ,god's will1 how ,i should love to get well1 pay you back some of the debts ,i owe you1 be a better mother to my children1 write some more books1 and make you love me so you wouldn't know what to do with yourself6 ,just to see how it would seem to be well1 and to show you what a splendid creature ,i could be1 if once out of the harness6 ,a modest little list you will say6444 ,i said to myself1 ,is it after all such a curse to suffer and to be a source of suffering to others8 ,isn't it worth while to pay something for warm human sympathies and something for rich experience of ,god's love and wisdom8 ,and ,i felt1 that for you to have a radiant1 cheerful1 health-happy wife was not1 perhaps1 so good for you1 as a minister of ,christ's gospel1 as to have the poor feeble creature whose infirmities keep you anxious and off the top of the wave4 ,saturday afternoon the ,professor took me off strawberrying again4 ,can you believe that till this ,june ,i never went strawberrying in my life8 ,i don't eat them1 so the fun is in the picking4 ,do you realise how kind the ,professor is to me8 ,i am afraid ,i don't4 ,he works very hard1 too hard1 ,i think2 but perhaps he does it as a refuge from his loneliness4 ,his heart seems still full of tenderness toward ,louisa4 ,yesterday he took me aside and told me1 with much emotion1 that he dreamed the night before that she floated towards him with a leaf in her hand1 on which she wrote the words ,sabbath peacefulness4 ,i love him much1 but am afraid of him1 as ,i am of all men--even of you2 you need not laugh1 ,i am4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith she writes from ,rockaway1 ,july #bdth3 ,we were glad to hear that you were safely settled at ,prout's ,neck1 far from riots1 if not from rumors thereof4 ,we have as convenient and roomy and closetty a cottage as possible4 ,we are within three minutes or so of the beach1 and go back and forth1 bathe1 dig sand1 and stare at the ocean according to our various ages and tastes4 ,i really do not know how else we spend our time4 ,i sew a little1 and am going to sew more when my machine comes2 read a little1 doze a little1 and eat a good deal4 ,the butcher calls every morning1 and so does the baker with excellent bread2 twice a week clams call at thirty cents the hundred2 we get milk1 butter1 and eggs without much trouble2 and ice and various vegetables without any1 as ,mrs4 ,bull sends them to us every day1 with sprinklings of fruit1 pitchers of cream1 herring and whatever is going4 ,we either sit on the beach looking and listening to the waves1 every evening1 or we run in to ,mrs4 ,bull's2 or gather about our parlor-table reading4 ,by ten we are all off to bed4 ,george does nothing but race back and forth to ,new ,york on ,seminary business2 he has gone now4 ,i went with him the other day4 ,the city looks pinched and wo-begone4 ,we were caught in that tornado and nearly pulled to pieces4 #bgth4--,you will be sorry to hear that our last summer's siege with dysentery bids fair to be repeated4 ,yesterday1 when the disease declared itself1 ,i must own that for a few hours ,i felt about heart-broken4 ,my own strength is next to nothing1 and how to face such a calamity ,i knew not4 ,ah1 how much easier it is to pray daily1 ,oh1 ,jesus ,christus1 wachs in mir6 than to consent to1 yea rejoice in1 the terms of the grant6 ,well1 ,george went for the doctor4 ,his quarters at this season are right opposite2 he is a ,german and brother of the author ,auerbach4 ,we brought ,g4's cot into our room and ,george and ,i took care of him till three o'clock1 when for the first time since we had children1 ,i gave out and left the poor man to get along as nurse as he best could4 ,i can tell you it comes hard on one's pride to resign one's office to a half-sick husband4 ,i think ,i have let the boys play too hard in the sun4 ,i long to have you see this pretty cottage and this beach4 ,aug4 #c;d4--,the children are out of the doctor's hands and ,i do about nothing at all4 ,i hope you are as lazy as ,i am4 ,today ,i bathed1 read the paper and finished ,john ,halifax4 ,i wish ,i could write such a book6 ,to ,miss ,gilman she writes1 ,august #ajth3 ,we have the nicest of cottages1 near the sea4 ,i often think of you as ,i sit watching the waves rush in and the bathers rushing out4 ,i have not yet thanked you for the hymns you sent me4 ,the traveller's hymn sounds like ,george ,withers4 ,mr4 ,p4 borrowed a volume of his poems which delights us both4 ,i am glad you are asking your mother questions about your father4 ,i am amazed at myself for not asking my dear mother many a score about my father1 which no human being can answer now4 ,i do not like to think of you all leaving ,new ,york4 ,few families would be so missed and mourned4 ,i can sympathise with you in regard to your present ,sunday privileges4 ,we have a long walk in glaring sunshine1 sit on bare boards1 live through the whole 7or nearly the whole7 ,prayer-book1 and then listen1 if we can1 to a sermon three-quarters of an hour long1 its length not being its chief fault4 ,i am utterly unable to bear such fatigue1 and spend my time chiefly at home1 with some hope of more profit1 at any rate4 ,how true it is that our ,master's best treasures are kept in earthen vessels6 ,humanly speaking1 we should declare it to be for ,his glory to commit the preaching of ,his gospel to the best and wisest hands4 ,but ,his ways are not as our ways4444 ,i feel such a longing1 when ,sunday conies1 to spend it with good people1 under the guidance of a heaven-taught man4 ,a minister has such wonderful opportunity for doing good6 ,it seems dreadful to see the opportunity more than wasted4 ,the truth is1 we all need1 ministers and all1 a closer walk with ,god4 ,if a man comes down straight from the mount to speak to those who have just come from the same place1 he must be in a state to edify and they to be edified4 ,from ,new ,york she writes to ,miss ,shipman1 ,october #bdth3 ,your letter came just as we started for ,poughkeepsie4 ,the ,synod met there and ,i was invited to accompany ,george1 and1 quite contrary to my usual habits1 ,i went4 ,we had a nice time4 ,i feel that you are in the best place in the world4 ,next to dying and going home one's self1 it must be sweet to accompany a ,christian friend down to the very banks of the river4 ,isn't it strange that after such experiences we can ever again have a worldly thought1 or ever lose the sense of the reality of divine things6 ,but we are like little children--ever learning and ever forgetting4 ,still1 it is well to be learning1 and ,i envy you your frequent visits to the house of mourning4 ,you will miss your dear friend very much4 ,i know how you love her4 ,how many beloved ones you have already lost for a season6444 ,don't set me to making brackets4 ,i am as worldly now as ,i can be1 and my head full of work on all sorts of things4 ,i made two cornucopias of your pattern and filled them with grasses and autumn leaves1 and they were magnificent4 ,i got very large grasses in the ,rockaway marshes4 ,the children are all well and as gay as larks4 ,early in ,november the corner-stone of the ,church of the ,covenant was laid4 ,she wrote the following hymn for the occasion3 ,a temple1 ,lord1 we raise2 ,let all its walls be praise ,to ,thee alone4 ,draw nigh1 ,o ,christ1 we pray1 ,to lead us on our way1 ,and be ,thou1 now and aye1 ,our corner-stone4 ,in humble faith arrayed1 ,we these foundations laid ,in war's dark day4 ,oppression's reign o'erthrown1 ,sweet peace once more our own1 ,do ,thou the topmost stone ,securely lay4 ,and when each earth-built wall ,crumbling to dust shall fall1 ,our work still own4 ,be to each faithful heart ,that here hath wrought its part1 ,what in ,thy ,church ,thou art-- ,the ,corner-stone4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,happiness in her ,children4 ,the ,summer of #ahfd4 ,letters from ,hunter4 ,affliction among ,friends4 ,in the early part of #ahfd she was more than usually afflicted with neuralgic troubles and that horrid calamity1 as she calls it1 sleeplessness4 ,i know just how one feels when one can't eat or sleep or talk4 ,i declare1 a good deal of the time pulling words out of me is like pulling out teeth4 ,still 7she writes to a sister-in-law1 ,jan4 #aeth71 we are a happy family in spite of our ailments4 ,i suffer a great deal and cause anxiety to my husband by it1 but then ,i enjoy a great deal and so does he1 and our younger children--to say nothing of ,a4--are sources of constant felicity4 ,do not you miss the hearing little feet pattering round the house8 ,it seems to me that the sound of my six little feet is the very pleasantest sound in the world4 ,often when ,i lie in bed racked with pain and exhausted from want of food--for my digestive organs seem paralysed when ,i have neuralgia--hearing these little darlings about the house compensates for everything1 and ,i am inexpressibly happy in the mere sense of possession4 ,i hate to have them grow up and to lose my pets1 or exchange them for big boys and girls4 ,i suppose your boys are a great help to you and company too1 but ,i feel for you that you have not also a couple of girls4444 ,poor ,louisa6 ,it is very painful to think what she suffered4 ,her death was such a shock to me1 ,i can hardly say why1 that ,i have never been since what ,i was before4 ,i suppose my nervous system was so shattered1 that so unexpected a blow would naturally work unkindly4 ,early in the following summer she was distressed by the sudden bereavement of dear friends and by the death of her nephew1 who fell in one of the battles of the ,wilderness4 ,in a letter to ,miss ,gilman1 dated ,june #ahth1 she refers to this3 ,your dear little flowers came in excellent condition1 but at a moment when ,i could not possibly write to tell you so4 ,the death of ,mrs4 ,r4 ,h4 broke my heart4 ,i only knew her by a sort of instinct1 but ,i sorrowed in her mother's sorrow and in that of her sisters4 ,death is a blessed thing to the one whom it leads to ,christ's kingdom and presence1 but oh1 how terrible for those it leaves fainting and weeping behind6 ,we expect to go off for the summer on next ,thursday4 ,we go to ,hunter1 ,n4 ,y41 in the region of the ,catskills4 ,my husband's mother has been with me during the last six weeks and has just gone home1 and ,i have now to do up the last things in a great hurry4 ,you may not know that my ,a4 and ,m4 ,s41 and a number of other young people of their age1 joined our church on last ,sunday4 ,i can hardly realise my felicity4 ,i seem to myself to have a new child4 ,your sister may have told you of the loss of ,professor ,hopkins' son4 ,he was the first grandchild in our family and his father's all4 ,we may never hear what his fate was1 but the suspense has been dreadful4 ,her interest in the national struggle was intense and her conviction of its ,providential character unwavering4 ,to a friend1 who seemed to her a little lukewarm on the subject1 she wrote at this time3 ,for my part1 ,i am sometimes afraid ,i shall die of joy if we ever gain a complete and final victory4 ,you can call this spunk if you choose4 ,but my spunk has got a backbone of its own and that is deep-seated conviction1 that this is a holy war1 and that ,god himself sanctions it4 ,he spares nothing precious when ,he has a work to do4 ,no life is too valuable for ,him to cut short1 when any of ,his designs can be furthered by doing so4 ,but ,i could talk a month and not have done1 you wicked unbeliever4 ,to her ,husband1 ,hunter1 ,june #bg1 #ahfd4 ,this morning1 after breakfast1 ,i sallied out with six children to take a most charming walk1 scramble1 climb1 etc4 ,we put on our worst old duds1 tuck up our skirts ,june #bg1 knee-high1 and have a regular good time of it4 ,if you were awake so early as eight o'clock--,i don't believe you were6 you might have seen us with a good spy-glass1 and it would have made your righteous soul leap for joy to see how we capered and laughed1 and what strawberries we picked1 and how much of a child ,a4 turned into4 ,they all six played run till they had counted twelve and then they tumbled down and rolled in the grass1 till ,i wondered what their bones were made of4 ,i do not see that we could have found a better place for the children4 ,what with the seven calves1 the cows1 the sheep1 the two pet lambs1 the dogs1 hens1 chickens1 horses1 etc41 they are perfectly happy4 ,just now they have been to see the butter made and to get a drink of buttermilk4 ,we have lots of strawberries and cream1 pot-cheese1 ,johnny-cakes1 and there are always eggs and milk at our service4 ,from diplomatic motives ,i advise you not to say too much about ,hunter to people asking questions4 ,it would entirely spoil its only great charm if a rush of silly city folks should scent it out4 ,it is really a primitive place and that you can say4 ,mr4 ,coe preached an excellent sermon on ,sunday morning4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,hunter1 ,july #d1 #ahfd4 ,i have just been off1 all alone1 foraging1 and have come home bringing my sheaves with me3 ground pine and red berries1 with which ,i have made a beautiful wreath4 ,i have also adorned the picture of ,gen4 ,grant with festoons of evergreens1 conjuring him the while not to disappoint our hopes1 but to take ,richmond4 ,alas6 you may know1 by this time1 that he can't2 but in lack of news since a week ago1 ,i can but hope for the best4 ,i've taken a pew and we contrive to squeeze into it in this wise3 first a child1 then a mother1 then a child1 then an ,annie1 then a child1 the little ones being stowed in the cracks left between us big ones4 ,mr4 ,r41 the parson1 looking fit to go straight into his grave1 was up here to get a wagon as he was going for a load of chips4 ,his wife was at home sick1 without any servant1 had churned three hours and the butter wouldn't come1 and has a pew full of little ones4 ,oh1 my poor sisters in the ministry6 my heart aches for them4 ,mr4 ,r4 gave us a superior sermon last ,sunday4444 ,i know next to nothing about what is going on in the world4 ,but ,george writes that he feels decidedly pleased with the look of things4 ,he has been carrying on like all possessed since ,i left1 having company to breakfast1 lunch1 dinner1 and finally went and had ,chi ,alpha all himself4 ,july #beth4--,we went one day last week on a most delightful excursion1 twenty-one of us in all4 ,our drive was splendid and the scenery sublime2 even we distinguished ,swiss travellers thought so6 ,we came to one spot where ice always is found1 cut out big pieces1 ate it1 drank it1 threw it at each other and carried on with it generally4 ,we had our dinner on the grass in the woods4 ,we brought home a small cartload of natural brackets2 some of them beautiful4 ,august #ast4--,you have indeed had a rich experience4 #aa ,we all read your letter with the deepest interest and feel that it would have been good to be there4 ,your account of ,caro shows what force of character she possessed1 as well as what ,god's grace can do and do quickly4 ,this is not the first time ,he has ripened a soul into full ,christian maturity with almost miraculous rapidity4 ,a veteran saint could not have laid down his armor and adjusted himself to meet death with more calmness than did this young disciple4 ,i do not wonder her family were borne1 for the time1 above their sorrow1 but alas6 their bitter pangs of anguish are yet to meet them4 ,her poor mother6 ,how much she has suffered and has yet to suffer6 all the more because she bears it so heroically4 ,to ,miss ,emily ,s4 ,gilman1 ,hunter1 ,aug #a1 #ahfd4 ,you must have wondered why ,i did not answer your letter and your book1 for both of which ,i thank you4 ,well1 it has been such dry1 warm weather1 that ,i have not felt like writing2 besides1 for nurse ,i have only a little ,german girl fourteen years old1 who never was out of ,new ,york before1 and whom ,i have been so determined on spoiling that ,i couldn't bear to take her off from her play to mend1 patch1 darn1 wash faces1 necks1 feet1 etc41 and unconsciously did every thing there was to do for the children and a little more besides4 ,i like the little book very much4 ,you have the greatest knack1 you girls1 of lighting on nice books and nice hymns4 ,we are right in the midst of most charming walks4 ,here is a grove and there is a brook2 here is a creek1 almost a river 7big enough at any rate to get on to the map7 and there a mountain4 ,as to ferns and mosses for your poetical side1 and as for raspberries and blackberries for your t'other side1 time would fail me if ,i should begin to speak of them4 ,i think a great deal of you and your sisters when off on foraging expeditions1 and wish you were here notwithstanding you are mossy and ferny there4 ,we have as yet made only one excursion4 ,that was delightful and gave us our first true idea of the ,catskills4 ,before ,mr4 ,p4 came ,i usually went off on my forenoon walk alone1 unless the children trooped after1 and came home a miniature ,birnam wood1 with all sorts of things except creeping things and flying fowl4 ,i have just finished reading to ,m4 and a little girl near her age1 a little ,french book you would like1 called ,augustin4 ,i never met with a sweeter picture of a loving child anywhere4 ,well1 ,i may as well stop writing4 ,remember me lovingly to all your dear household4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns she writes1 ,sept4 #af3 ,how much faith and patience we poor invalids do need6 ,the burden of life sits hard on our weary shoulders4 ,i think the mountain air has agreed with our children better than the seaside has done1 but ,george craves the ocean and the bathing4 ,he spent this forenoon1 as he has a good many others1 in climbing the side of the mountain for exercise1 views1 and blackberries4 ,i go with him sometimes4 ,we had a few days' visit from ,prof4 ,hopkins4 ,he has heard confirmation of the rumors of poor ,eddy's death and burial4 ,he means to go to ,ashland as soon as the state of the country makes it practicable1 but has little hope of identifying ,e4's remains4 ,it is a great sorrow to him to lose all he had in this horrible way1 but he bears it with wonderful faith and patience1 and says he never prayed for his son's life after he went into action4 ,some letters received by him1 give a pleasant idea of the ,christian stand ,e4 took after entering the army4 ,i believe this is ,lizzie ,p----'s wedding day4 ,there is a beautiful rainbow smiling on it from our mountain home1 and ,i hope a real one is glorifying hers4 ,to ,miss ,gilman1 ,hunter1 ,sept4 #ag4 ,oh1 ,i wish you were here on this glorious day6 ,the foliage has begun to turn a little1 and the mountains are in a state bordering on perfection4 ,it is wicked for me stay in-doors even to write this1 but it seems as if a letter from here would carry with it a savor of mountain air1 and must do you more good than one from the city could4 ,i wish ,i had thought sooner to ask you if you would like some of our mosses4 ,i thought ,i had seen mosses before1 but found ,i had not4 ,i will enclose some dried specimens4 ,i thought1 while ,i was in the woods this morning1 that ,i never had thanked ,god half enough for making these lovely things and giving us tastes wherewith to enjoy them4 ,you ask if ,i have spilled ink all down the side of this white house4 ,yes1 ,i have1 wo be unto me4 ,i was sick abed and got up to write to ,mr4 ,p41 not wanting him to know ,i was sick1 and one of the children came in and ,i snatched him up in my lap to hug and kiss a little1 and he1 of course1 hit the pen and upset the inkstand and burst out crying at my dismay4 ,then might have been seen a headachy woman catching the apoplexy by leaning out of the window and scrubbing paint1 sacrificing all her nice rags in the process1 and dreadfully mortified into the bargain4444 ,yesterday we were all caught in a pouring rain when several miles from home on the side of the mountain1 blackberrying4 ,we each took a child and came rolling and tearing down through the bushes and over stones1 ,h4's little legs flying as little legs rarely fly4 ,we nearly died with laughing1 and if ,i only knew how to draw1 ,i could make you laugh by giving you a picture of the scene4 ,you will judge from this that we are all great walkers2 so we are4 ,i take the children almost everywhere1 and they walk miles every day4 ,well1 ,i will go now and get you some scraps of pressed mosses4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,the ,death of ,president ,lincoln4 ,dedication of the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,growing ,insomnia4 ,resolves to try the ,water-cure4 ,its beneficial ,effects4 ,summer at ,newburgh4 ,reminiscence of an ,excursion to ,paltz ,point4 ,death of her ,husband's ,mother4 ,funeral of her ,nephew1 ,edward ,payson ,hopkins4 ,two events rendered the month of ,april1 #ahfe1 especially memorable to ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,one was the assassination of ,president ,lincoln on the evening of ,good ,friday4 ,she had been very ill1 and her husband1 on learning the dreadful news from the morning paper1 thought it advisable to keep it from her for a while2 but one of the children1 going into her chamber1 burst into tears and thus betrayed the secret4 ,her state of nervous prostration and her profound1 affectionate admiration for ,mr4 ,lincoln1 made the blow the most stunning by far she ever received from any public calamity4 ,it was such1 no doubt1 to tens of thousands2 indeed1 to the ,american people4 ,no ,easter morning ever before dawned upon them amid such a cloud of horror1 or found them so bowed down with grief4 ,the younger generation can hardly conceive of the depth and intensity1 or the strange1 unnatural character1 of the impression made upon the minds of old and young alike1 by this most foul murder4 #ab ,the other event was of a very different character and filled her with great joy4 ,it was the dedication1 on the last ,sunday in ,april1 of the new church edifice1 whose growth she had watched with so much interest4 ,in the spring of #ahfe she was induced1 by the entreaty of friends who had themselves tested his skill1 to consult ,dr4 ,schieferdecker1 a noted hydropathist1 and later to place herself under his care4 ,in a letter to her cousin1 ,miss ,shipman1 she writes3 ,i want to tell you1 but do not want you to mention it to anyone1 that ,i have been to see ,dr4 ,schieferdecker to know what he thought of my case4 ,he says that ,i might go on dieting to the end of my days and not get well1 but that his system could and would cure me1 only it would take a long time4 ,i have not decided whether to try his process1 but have no doubt he understands my disease4 ,dr4 ,schieferdecker had been a pupil and was an enthusiastic disciple of ,priesnitz4 ,he had unbounded faith in the healing properties of water4 ,he was very impulsive1 opinionated1 self-confident1 and accustomed to speak contemptuously of the old medical science and those who practised it4 ,but for all that1 he possessed a remarkable sagacity in the diagnosis and treatment of chronic disease4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss went through the cure with indomitable patience and pluck1 and was rewarded by the most beneficial results4 ,her sleeplessness had become too deep-rooted to be overcome1 but it was greatly mitigated and her general condition vastly improved4 ,she never ceased to feel very grateful to ,dr4 ,schieferdecker for the relief he had afforded her1 and for teaching her how to manage herself2 for after passing from under his care1 she still continued to follow his directions4 ,no tongue can tell how much ,i am indebted to him1 she wrote in #ahfi4 ,i am like a ship that after poking along twenty years with a heavy load on board1 at last gets into port1 unloads1 and springs to the surface4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,s4 ,gilman1 ,new ,york1 ,feb4 #bc1 #ahfe4 ,it is said to be an ill wind that blows nobody good1 and as ,i am still idling about1 doing absolutely nothing but receive visits from neuralgia1 ,i have leisure to think of poor ,miss ----4 ,i wrote to ask her if there was anything she wanted and could not get in her region2 yesterday ,i received her letter1 in which she mentions a book1 but says anything that is useful for body or mind would be gratefully received4 ,now ,i got the impression from that article in the ,independent1 that she could take next to no nourishment4 ,do you know what she does take1 and can you suggest1 from what you know1 anything she would like8 ,what's the use of my being sick1 if it isn't for her sake or that of some other suffering soul8 ,i want1 very much1 to get some things together and send her2 nobody knows who hasn't experienced it1 how delightfully such things break in on the monotony of a sick-room4 ,just yet ,i am not strong enough to do anything2 my hands tremble so that ,i can hardly use even a pen2 yet you need not think ,i am much amiss1 for ,i go out every pleasant day1 to ride1 and some days can take quite a walk4 ,the trouble is that when the pain returns1 as it does several times a day1 it knocks my strength out of me4 ,i hope when all parts of my frame have been visited by this erratic sprite1 it may find it worth while to beat a retreat4 ,only to think1 we are going to move to ,no4 #gj ,east ,twenty-seventh street1 and you have all been and gone away6 ,the rent is enormous1 #a1jjj having been just added to an already high price4 ,our people have taken that matter in hand and no burden of it will come on us4 ,i received your letter and am much obliged to you for writing to ,miss ----1 for me2 the reason ,i did not do it was1 that it seemed like hurrying her up to thank me for the little drop of comfort ,i sent her4 ,dear me6 it's hard to be sick when people send you quails and jellies1 and fresh eggs1 and all such things--but to be sick and suffer for necessaries must be terrible4 ,to the ,same1 ,new ,york1 ,march #i1 #ahfe4 ,i thank you for the details of ,miss ----'s case1 as ,i wished to describe them to some friends4 ,i sent her ten dollars yesterday for two of my friends4 ,i also sent off a box by express1 for the contents of which ,i had help4 ,the things were such as ,i had persuaded her to mention2 a new kind of farina1 figs1 two portfolios 7of course she didn't ask for two1 but ,i had one ,i thought she would1 perhaps1 like better than the one ,i bought71 a few crackers1 and several books4 ,mr4 ,p4 added one of those beautiful large-print editions of the ,psalms which will1 ,i think1 be a comfort to her4 ,i shall also send ,adelaide ,newton by-and-by2 ,i thought she had her hands full of reading for the present1 and the great thing is not to heap comforts on her all at once and then leave her to her fate1 but keep up a stream of such little alleviations as can be provided4 ,she said1 she had poor accommodations for writing1 so ,i greatly enjoyed fitting up the portfolio which was none the worse for wear1 with paper and envelopes1 a pencil with rubber at the end1 a cunning little knife1 some stamps1 for which there was a small box1 a few pens1 etc4 ,i know it will please you to hear of this1 and as the money was furnished me for the purpose1 you need not set it down to my credit4 ,i meant to go to see your sister1 but my head is still in such a weak state that though ,i go to walk nearly every day1 ,i can not make calls4 ,it is five weeks since ,i went to church1 for the same reason4 ,it is a part of ,god's discipline with me to keep me shut up a good deal more than the old ,adam in me fancies2 but ,his way is absolutely perfect1 and ,i hope ,i wouldn't change it in any particular1 if ,i could4 ,have you ,pusey's tract1 ,do all to the ,lord ,jesus8 ,if not1 ,i must send it to you4 ,it seems as if ,i had a lot of things ,i wanted to say1 but after writing a little my hands and arms begin to tremble so that ,i can hardly write plainly4 ,you never saw such a lazy life as ,i lead now-a-days2 ,i can't do any thing4 ,i advise you to do what you have to do for ,christ now2 by the time you are as old as ,i am perhaps you will have the will and not the power4 ,well1 good-bye till next time4 ,the summer of this year was passed at ,newburgh in company with the ,misses ,butler--now ,mrs4 ,kirkbride1 of ,philadelphia1 and ,mrs4 ,booth1 of ,liverpool--and the families of ,mr4 ,william ,allen ,butler1 ,mr4 ,b4 ,f4 ,butler1 and ,mr4 ,john ,p4 ,crosby1 to all of whom ,mrs4 ,prentiss was strongly attached4 ,the late ,mr4 ,daniel ,lord1 the eminent lawyer1 with a portion of his family1 had also a cottage near by and was full of hospitable kindness4 ,in spite of the exacting hydropathic treatment1 she found constant refreshment and delight in the society of so many dear friends4 ,the only thing ,i have to complain of she wrote1 is everybody being too good to me4 ,how different it is being among friends to being among strangers6 ,in a letter to her husband1 dated ,new ,york1 ,sept4 #ae1 #ahgi1 ,mr4 ,william ,allen ,butler gives the following reminiscence of an excursion to ,paltz ,point and an evening at ,newburgh3 ,from the date you1 give in your note 7to which ,i have just recurred7 of our trip to ,paltz ,point1 it seems that in writing you to-day ,i have unwittingly fallen on the anniversary of that pleasant excursion4 ,without this reminder ,i could not have told the day or the year1 but of the excursion itself ,i have always had a vivid and delightful recollection2 and1 if ,i am not mistaken1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss enjoyed it as fully as any one of the merry party4 ,it was only on that jaunt and in our summer home at ,newburgh that ,i had the opportunity of knowing her readiness to enter into that kind of enjoyment1 which depends upon the co-operation of every member of a circle for the entertainment of all4 ,the elements of our group were well commingled1 and the bright things evoked by their contact and friction were neither few nor far between4 ,the game to which you allude of ,inspiration or ,rhapsody was a favorite4 ,the evening at ,paltz ,point called out some clever sallies1 of which ,i have no record or special recollection2 but ,i know that then1 as always1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss seemed to have at her pencil's point for instant use the wit and fancy so charmingly exhibited in her writings4 ,she published somewhere an account of one of our inspired or rhapsodical evenings1 but greatly to my regret failed to include in it her own contribution which was the best of all4 ,i distinctly remember the time and scene--the ,september evening--the big1 square sitting-room of the old ,seminary building in which you boarded--the bright faces whose radiance made up in part for the limitations of artificial light--the puzzled air which every one took on when presented with the list of unmanageable words1 to be reproduced in their consecutive order in prose or verse composition within the next quarter or half hour--the stillness which supervened while the enforced pleasures of poetic pains or prose agony were being undergone--the sense of relief which supplemented the completion of the batch of extempore effusions--and the fun which their reading provoked4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss had contrived out of the odd and incoherent jumble of words a choice bit of poetic humor and pathos1 which ,i never quite forgave her for omitting in the publication of the nonsense written by other hands4 ,these trifles as they seemed at the time1 and as in fact they were1 become less insignificant in the retrospect1 as we associate them with the whole character and being we instinctively love to place at the farthest remove from gloom or sadness1 and as they rediscover to us in the distance the native vivacity and grace of which they were the chance expression4 ,since that summer of #ahfe1 having lived away from ,new ,york1 ,i saw little of ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 but ,i have a special remembrance of one little visit you made at our home in ,yonkers which she seemed very much to enjoy--saying of the reunion which made it so pleasant to the members of our family and all who happened to be together at the time1 that it was like heaven4 #ac ,during the summer of #ahfe the sympathies of ,mrs4 ,prentiss were much wrought upon by the sickness and death of her husband's mother1 who entered into rest on the #ith of ,august1 in the eighty-fourth year of her age4 ,on the #abth of the previous ,january1 she with the whole family had gone to ,newark to celebrate the eighty-third birthday of this aged saint4 ,had they known it was to be the last1 they could have wished nothing changed4 ,it was a perfect winter's day1 and the scene in the old parsonage was perfect too4 ,there1 surrounded by children and children's children1 sat the venerable grandmother with a benignant smile upon her face and the peace of ,god in her heart4 ,as she received in birthday gifts and kisses and congratulations their loving homage1 the measure of her joy was full1 and she seemed ready to say her ,nunc dimittis4 ,she belonged to the number of those holy women of the old time who trusted in ,god and adorned themselves with the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit1 and whose children to the latest generation rise up and call them blessed4 ,in the course of this year her sympathies were also deeply touched by repeated visits from her brother-in-law1 ,professor ,hopkins1 on his way to and from ,virginia4 ,allusion has been made already to the death of her nephew1 ,lieutenant ,edward ,payson ,hopkins4 ,he was killed in battle while gallantly leading a cavalry charge at ,ashland1 in ,virginia1 on the #aath of ,may1 #ahfd4 ,in ,june of the following year his father went to ,ashland with the hope of recovering the body4 ,five comrades had fallen with ,edward1 and the negroes had buried them without coffins1 side by side1 in two trenches in a desolate swampy field and under a very shallow covering of earth4 ,the place was readily discovered1 but it was found impossible to identify the body4 ,the disappointed father1 almost broken-hearted1 turned his weary steps homeward4 ,when he reached ,williamstown his friends said1 ,he has grown ten years older since he went away4 ,several months later he learned that there were means of identification which could not fail1 even if the body had already turned to dust4 ,accordingly he again visited ,ashland1 attended this time by soldiers1 a surgeon1 and ,government officials4 ,his search proved successful1 and1 to his joy1 not only was the body identified1 but1 owing to the swampy nature of the ground1 it was found to be in an almost complete state of preservation4 ,there was something wonderfully impressive in the grave aspect and calm1 gentle tone of the venerable man1 as with his precious charge he passed through ,new ,york on his way home4 ,in a letter to ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 dated ,january #b;d1 #ahff1 he himself tells the story of the re-interment at ,williamstown3 444 ,after stopping a minute at my door the wagon passed at once to the cemetery1 and the remains were deposited in the tomb4 ,this was on ,thursday4 ,after consulting with my brother and his son 7the chaplain7 ,i determined to wait till the ,sabbath before the interment4 ,accordingly1 at #c o'clock--after the afternoon service--the remains of my dear boy were placed beside those of his mother4 ,the services were simple1 but solemn in a high degree4 ,they were opened by an address from ,harry4 ,prayer followed by ,rev4 ,mr4 ,noble1 now supplying the desk here4 ,he prefaced his prayer by saying that he never saw ,edward but once1 when he preached at ,williamstown at a communion and saw him sitting beside me and partaking with me4 ,singing then followed by the choir of which ,eddy was for a long time a member4 ,the words were those striking lines of ,montgomery3 ,go to the grave in all thy glorious prime1 etc4 ,after which the coffin was lowered to its place by young men who were friends of ,edward in his earlier years4 ,the state of the elements was exceedingly favorable to the holding of such an exercise in the open air at a season generally so inclement4 ,the night before there was every appearance of a heavy ,n4 ,e4 storm4 ,but ,sabbath morning it was calm4 ,as ,i went to church ,i noticed that the sun rested on the ,vermont mountains just north of us1 though with a mellowed light as if a veil had been thrown over them4 ,in the after part of the day the open sky had spread southward--so that the interment took place when the air was as mild and serene as spring1 just as the last sun of the year was sinking towards the mountains4 ,almost the entire congregation were present4444 ,thus1 dear sister1 ,i have given you a brief account of the solemn but peaceful winding up of what has been to me a sharp and long trial1 and ,i know to yourself and family also4 ,in eternity we shall more clearly read the lesson which even now1 in the light of opening scenes1 we are beginning to interpret4 #a ,richard ,h4 ,dana1 the poet4 #b ,the article referred to appeared in ,the ,biblical ,repository and ,quarterly ,observer for ,january1 #ahce4 ,vol ,v41 pp4 #a-cb4 ,it is entitled1 ,what form of ,law is best suited to the individual and social nature of man8 #c ,mr4 ,ralph ,waldo ,emerson4 #d ,the article appeared in the ,new ,york ,review for ,july1 #ahci4 #e ,some passages from the little diaries referred to1 together with further extracts from her literary journal1 will be found in appendix ,d1 p4 #eda4 #f ,the ,proclamation of ,emancipation4 #g ,by ,anna ,warner4 #h ,by her friend1 ,mrs4 ,frederick ,g4 ,burnham4 #i ,the ,little ,corporal4 #aj ,at ,fredericksburg4 #aa ,referring to the sudden death of a young niece of ,mrs4 ,s4 #ab ,this was written before the assassination of ,president ,garfield4 #ac ,the ,rhapsody1 referred to by ,mr4 ,butler was preserved by a young lady of the party1 and will be found in appendix ,e1 p4 #eee4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,the ,,pastor',s ,,wife ,,and ,,daughter ,,of ,,consolation4 #ahff-ahfh4 ,i4 ,happiness as a ,pastor's ,wife4 ,visits to ,newport and ,williamstown ,letters4 ,the great ,portland ,fire4 ,first ,summer at ,dorset4 ,the new ,parsonage occupied4 ,second ,summer at ,dorset4 ,little ,lou's ,sayings and ,doings4 ,project of a ,cottage4 ,letters4 ,the ,little ,preacher4 ,illness and ,death of ,mrs4 ,edward ,payson and of ,little ,francis4 ,we now enter upon the most interesting and happiest period of ,mrs4 ,prentiss's experience as a pastor's wife4 ,the congregation of the ,church of the ,covenant had been slowly forming in troublous times2 it was composed of congenial elements1 being of one heart and one mind2 some of the most cultivated families and family-circles in ,new ,york belonged to it2 and ,mrs4 ,prentiss was much beloved in them all4 ,what a help-meet she was to her husband and with what zeal and delight she fulfilled her office1 especially that of a daughter of consolation1 among his people1 will soon appear4 ,how ignorant we often are1 at the time1 of the turning-points in our life6 ,we inquire for a summer boarding-place and decide upon it without any thought beyond the few weeks for which it was engaged2 and yet1 perhaps1 our whole earthly future or that of those most dear to us1 is to be vitally affected by this seemingly trifling decision4 ,so it happened to ,mrs4 ,prentiss in #ahff4 ,early in ,may her husband and his brother-in-law1 ,dr4 ,stearns1 went1 at a venture1 to ,dorset1 ,vt41 and there secured rooms for their families during the summer4 ,but little did either she1 or they1 dream that ,dorset was to be henceforth her summer home and her resting-place in death6 #a ,the ,portland fire1 to which reference is made in the following letters1 occurred on the #dth of ,july1 and consumed a large portion of the city4 ,to ,miss ,mary ,b4 ,shipman1 ,dorset1 ,july #be1 #ahff4 ,never in my life did ,i live through such a spring and early summer as this6 ,as to business and bustle1 ,i mean4 ,you must have given me up as a lost case6 ,but ,i have thought of you every day and longed to hear how you were getting on1 and whether you lived through that dreadful weather4 ,annie went with the children to ,williamstown about the middle of ,june2 ,i nearly killed myself with getting them ready to go and could see the flesh drop off my bones4 ,george and ,i went to ,newport on what ,mrs4 ,bronson called our bridal trip1 and stayed eleven days4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,mc,curdy were kindness personified4 ,we came home and preached on the first ,sunday in ,july1 and then went to ,greenfield ,hill to spend the ,fourth with ,mrs4 ,bronson4 #b ,that nearly finished me1 and then ,i went to ,williamstown on that hot ,friday and was quite finished on reaching there1 to hear about the fire in ,portland4 ,did you ever hear of anything so dreadful8 ,i did not know for several days but ,h4 and ,c4 were burnt out of house and home2 most of my other friends ,i knew were1 and can there be any calamity like being left naked1 hungry and homeless1 everything gone forever4444 ,but let no one say a word that has a roof over his head4 ,all my father's sermons were burned1 the house where most of us were born1 his church1 etc4 ,fancy ,new ,haven stripped of its shade-trees1 and you can form some idea of the loss of ,portland in that respect4 ,well1 ,i might go on talking forever1 and not have said anything4 #c ,the heat upset ,g4 and we have been fighting off sickness for a week1 ,i getting wild with loss of sleep4 ,we are enchanted with ,dorset4 ,we are so near the woods and mountains that we go every day and spend hours wandering about among them4 ,if there is any difference1 ,i think this place even more beautiful than ,williamstown2 it suits us better as a summer retreat1 from its great seclusion4 ,i am1 that is we are1 mean enough to want to keep it as quiet and secluded as it is now1 by not letting people know how nice it is2 a very few fashionably dressed people would just spoil it for us4 ,so keep our counsel1 you dear child4 ,a few days later she writes to ,mrs4 ,smith1 then in ,europe3 ,on the sixth1 a day of fearful heat1 ,i went to ,williamstown1 where ,i found all the children as well as possible1 but heard the news of the ,portland fire which almost killed me4 ,all my father's manuscripts are destroyed2 we always meant to divide them among us and ought to have done it long ago4 ,i heard of any number of injudicious babies as taking the inopportune day succeeding the fire to enter on the scene of desolation2 all born in tents4 ,i am sorry my children will never see my father's church1 nor the house where ,i was born2 but private griefs are nothing when compared with a calamity that is so appalling and that must send many a heart homeless and aching to the grave4 ,i spent two weeks at ,williamstown1 when ,george came for me1 and the weather cooling off1 we had a comfortable journey here4 ,we are perfectly delighted with ,dorset2 the sweet seclusion is most soothing1 and the house is very pleasant4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,f4 are intelligent1 agreeable people1 and do all they can to make us comfortable4 ,the mountains are so near that ,i hear the crows cawing in the trees4 ,we are making pretty things and pressing an unheard-of quantity of ferns4 ,we go to the woods regularly every morning and stay the whole forenoon4 ,in the afternoon we rest1 read1 write1 etc42 sometimes we drive and always after tea ,george walks with me about two miles4 ,i hope the war is not impeding your movements4 ,i suppose you will call this a short letter1 but ,i think it is as long as is good for you4 ,all my dear nine pounds gained at ,newburgh have gone by the board4 ,august #bjth4--,i am sorry you had such hot weather in ,paris1 but hope it passed off as our heat did4 ,dr4 ,hamlin's two youngest daughters have been here1 and came to see me2 they are both interesting girls1 and the elder of the two really brilliant4 ,they had never been here before1 and were carried away with the beauties of their mother's birthplace4 ,i wish you could see my room4 ,every pretty thing grows here and has come to cheer and beautify it4 ,the woods are everywhere1 and as for the views1 oh my child6 ,however1 ,i do not suppose anything short of ,mt4 ,blanc will suit you now4 ,in ,april1 #ahfg1 the parsonage on ,thirty-fifth street was occupied4 ,it had been built more especially for her sake1 and was furnished by the generosity of her friends4 ,her joy in entering it was completed by a house-warming1 at the close of which a passage of ,scripture was read by ,prof4 ,smith1 ,all hail the power of ,jesus's name sung1 and then the blessing of ,heaven invoked upon the new home by that holy man of ,god1 ,dr4 ,thomas ,h4 ,skinner4 ,here she passed the next six years of her life4 ,here she wrote the larger portion of ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,and here the cup of her domestic joy1 and of joy in her ,god and ,saviour often ran over4 ,here1 too1 some of her dearest ,christian friendships were formed and enjoyed4 ,the summer of #ahfg was passed at ,dorset4 ,in less than a month of it she wrote one of her best children's books1 ,little ,lou's ,sayings and ,doings2 and much of the remainder was spent in discussing with her husband the project of building a cottage of their own4 ,in a letter to her cousin1 ,miss ,shipman1 dated ,sept4 #ba1 she writes3 ,we have had our heads full all summer1 of building a little cottage here4 ,we are having a plan made1 and have about fixed on a lot4 ,we are rather tired of boarding2 ,george hates it1 and ,dorset suits us as well1 ,i presume1 as any village would4 ,it is a lovely spot1 and the people are as intelligent as in other parts of ,new ,england4 ,the ,professor is disappointed at our choosing this rather than ,williamstown1 but it would be no rest to us to go there4 ,we have not decided to build2 it may turn out too expensive2 but we have taken lots of comfort in talking about it4 ,we have been on several excursions1 one of them to the top of ,equinox4 ,it is a hard trip1 fully six miles walking and climbing4 ,i have amused myself with writing some little books of the ,susy sort3 four in less than a month1 ,a4's sickness taking a good piece of time out of that period4 ,they are to appear1 or a part of them1 in the ,riverside next winter1 and then to be issued in book-form by ,hurd and ,houghton4 ,this will a good deal more than furnish our cottage and what trees and shrubs we want1 so that ,i feel justified in undertaking that expense4 ,we had two weeks at ,newport before we came here1 and ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,mc,curdy overwhelmed us with kindness1 paying our traveling expenses1 etc41 and keeping up one steady stream of such favors the whole time4 ,i never saw such people4 ,how delightful it must be to be able to express such benevolence6 ,well2 you and ,i can be faithful in that which is least1 at any rate4 ,we have all had plenty to read all summer1 and have sat out of doors and read a good deal4 ,i am going now to carry a little wreath to a missionary's wife who is spending the summer here2 a nice little woman2 this will give me a three miles walk and about use up the rest of the forenoon4 ,in the afternoon ,i have promised to go to the woods with the children1 all of whom are as brown as ,indians4 ,my room is all aflame with two great trees of maple2 ,i never saw such a beautiful velvety color as they have4 ,we have just had a very pleasant excursion to a mountain called ,haystack1 and ate our dinner sitting round in the grass in view of a splendid prospect4444 ,i have thus given you the history of our summer1 as far as its history can be written4 ,its ecstatic joys have not been wanting1 nor its hours of shame and confusion of face2 but these are things that can not be described4 ,what a mystery life is1 and how we go up and down1 glad to-day and sorrowful to-morrow6 ,i took real solid comfort thinking of you and praying for you this morning4 ,i love you dearly and always shall4 ,good-bye1 dear child4 ,the four little books afford a good illustration of the ease and rapidity with which she composed4 ,when once she had fixed upon a subject1 her pen almost flew over the paper4 ,scarcely ever did she hesitate for a thought or for the right words to express it4 ,her manuscript rarely showed an erasure or any change whatever4 ,she generally wrote on a portfolio1 holding it upon her knees4 ,her pen seemed to be a veritable part of herself2 and the instant it began to move1 her face glowed with eager and pleasurable feeling4 ,a kitten 7she wrote to a maiden friend7 a kitten without a tail to play with1 a mariner without a compass1 a bird without wings1 a woman without a husband 7and fifty-five at that67 furnish faint images of the desolation of my heart without a pen4 ,but although she wrote very fast1 she never began to write without careful study and premeditation when her subject required it4 ,about this time ,the ,little ,preacher appeared4 ,the scene of the story is laid in the ,black ,forest4 ,before writing it she spent a good deal of time in the ,astor ,library1 reading about peasant life in ,germany4 ,in a letter from a literary friend this little work is thus referred to3 ,i want to tell you what a ,german gentleman said to me the other day about your ,little ,preacher4 ,he was talking with me of ,german peasant life1 and inquired if ,i had read your charming story4 ,he was delighted to find ,i knew you1 and exclaimed enthusiastically3 ,i wish ,i knew her6 ,i would so like to thank her for her perfect picture4 ,it is a miracle of genius1 he added1 to be able thus to portray the life of a foreign people4 ,he is very intelligent1 and so ,i know you will be pleased with his appreciation of your book4 ,he said if he were not so poor1 he would buy a whole edition of the ,little ,preacher to give to his friends4 ,during the autumn of this year her sister-in-law1 ,mrs4 ,edward ,payson1 died after a lingering1 painful illness4 ,the following letter1 dated ,october #bh1 was written to her shortly before her departure3 ,i have been so engrossed with sympathy for ,edward and your children1 that ,i have but just begun to realise that you are about entering on a state of felicity which ought1 for the time1 to make me forget them4 ,dear ,nelly1 ,i congratulate you with all my heart4 ,do not let the thought of what those who love you must suffer in your loss1 diminish the peace and joy with which ,god now calls you to think only of ,himself and the home ,he has prepared for you4 ,try to leave them to ,his kind1 tender care4 ,he loves them better than you do2 ,he can be to them more than you have been2 ,he will hear your prayers and all the prayers offered for them1 and as one whom his mother comforteth1 so will ,he comfort them4 ,we1 who shall be left here without you1 can not conceive the joys on which you are to enter1 but we know enough to go with you to the very gates of the city1 longing to enter in with you to go no more out4 ,all your tears will soon be wiped away2 you will see the ,king in ,his beauty2 you will see ,christ your ,redeemer and realise all ,he is and all ,he has done for you2 and how many saints whom you have loved on earth will be standing ready to seize you by the hand and welcome you among them6 ,as ,i think of these things my soul is in haste to be gone2 ,i long to be set free from sin and self and to go to the fellowship of those who have done with them forever1 and are perfect and entire1 wanting nothing4 ,dear ,nelly1 ,i pray that you may have as easy a journey homeward as your ,father's love and compassion can make for you2 but these sufferings at the worst can not last long1 and they are only the messengers sent to loosen your last tie on earth1 and conduct you to the sweetest rest4 ,but ,i dare not write more lest ,i weary your poor worn frame with words4 ,may the very ,god of peace be with you every moment1 even unto the end1 and keep your heart and mind stayed upon ,him6 ,mrs4 ,payson had been an intimate friend of her childhood1 and was endeared to her by uncommon loveliness and excellence of character4 ,the bereaved husband1 with his little boy1 passed a portion of the ensuing winter at the parsonage in ,new ,york4 ,there was something about the child1 a sweetness and a clinging1 almost wild1 devotion to his father1 which1 together with his motherless state1 touched his aunt to the quick and called forth her tenderest love4 ,many a page of ,stepping ,heavenward was written with this child in her arms2 and perhaps that is one secret of its power4 ,when1 not very long afterwards1 he went to his mother1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss wrote to the father3 ,only this morning ,i was trying to invent some way of framing my little picture of ,francis1 so as to see it every day before my eyes4 ,and now this evening's mail brings your letter1 and ,i am trying to believe what it says is true4 ,if grief and pain could comfort you1 you would be comforted2 we all loved ,francis1 and ,a4 has always said he was too lovely to live4 ,how are you going to bear this new blow8 ,my heart aches as it asks the question1 aches and trembles for you4 ,but perhaps you loved him so1 that you will come to be willing to have him in his dear mother's safe keeping2 will bear your own pain in future because through your anguish your lamb is sheltered forever1 to know no more pain1 to suffer no more for lack of womanly care1 and is already developing into the rare character which made him so precious to you4 ,oh do try to rejoice for him while you can not but mourn for yourself4 ,at the longest you will not have long to suffer2 we are a short-lived race4 ,but while ,i write ,i feel that ,i want some one to speak a comforting word to me2 ,i too am bereaved in the death of this precious child1 and my sympathy for you is in itself a pang4 ,dear little lamb6 ,i can not realise that ,i shall never see that sweet face again in this world2 but ,i shall see it in heaven4 ,god bless and comfort you1 my dear afflicted brother4 ,i dare not weary you with words which all seem a mockery2 ,i can only assure you of my tenderest love and sympathy1 and that we all feel with and for you as only those can who know what this child was to you4 ,i am going to bed with an aching heart1 praying that light may spring out of this darkness4 ,give love from us all to ,ned and ,will4 ,perhaps ,ned will kindly write me if you feel that you can not1 and tell me all about the dear child's illness4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,last ,visit from ,mrs4 ,stearns4 ,visits to old ,friends at ,newport and ,rochester4 ,letters4 ,goes to ,dorset4 ,fred and ,maria and ,me4 ,letters4 ,the life of a pastor's wife is passed in the midst of mingled gladness and sorrow4 ,while somebody is always rejoicing1 somebody1 too1 is always sick or dying1 or else weeping4 ,how often she goes with her husband from the wedding to the funeral1 or hurries with him from the funeral to the wedding4 ,and then1 perhaps1 in her own family circle the same process is repeated4 ,the year #ahfh was marked for ,mrs4 ,prentiss in an unusual degree by the sorrowful experience4 ,the latter part of ,may ,mrs4 ,stearns1 then suffering from an exhausting disease1 came to ,new ,york and spent several weeks in hopes of finding some relief from change of scene4 ,but her case grew more alarming2 she passed the summer at ,cornwall on the ,hudson in great pain and feebleness1 and was then carried home to lie down on her dying bed4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,newport1 ,july #g1 #ahfh4 ,we had a dreadful time getting here2 ,i did not sleep a wink2 there were #a1bej passengers on board1 almost piled on each other1 and such screaming of babies it would be hard to equal4 ,there are lots of people here we know2 ever so many stopped to speak to us after church4 ,we are in the midst of a perfect world of show and glitter4 ,but how many empty hearts drive up and down in this gay procession of wealth and fashion6 ,i shall think of you a good deal to-day1 as setting forth on your journey and reaching your new home4 ,i do hope you will find it refreshing to go up the river1 and that your rooms will be pleasant and airy4 ,we shall be anxious to hear all about it4 ,it is a constant lesson to be with ,mrs4 ,mc,curdy4 ,i think she is a true ,christian in all her views of life and death4 ,her sweet patience1 cheerfulness and contentment are a continual reproof to me4 ,here she is so lame that she can go nowhere--a lameness of over twenty years--restricted to the plainest food1 liable to die at any moment1 yet the very happiest1 sunniest creature ,i ever saw4 ,she says1 with tears1 that ,god has been too good to her and given her too much2 that she sometimes fears ,he does not love her because ,he gives her such prosperity4 ,i reminded her of the four lovely children she had lost4 ,yes1 she says1 but how many lovely ones ,i have left6 ,she says that the long hours she has to spend alone1 on account of her physical infirmities1 are never lonely or sad2 she sings hymns and thinks over to herself all the pleasures she has enjoyed in the past1 in her husband and children and devoted servants4 ,she goes up to bed singing1 and ,i hear her singing while she dresses4 ,she said1 the other day1 that at her funeral she hoped the only services would be prayers and hymns of praise4 ,i think this very remarkable from one who enjoys life as she does4 #d ,to the ,same1 ,newport1 ,july #bj4 ,george and ,i went to ,rochester1 taking ,m4 with us1 last ,wednesday and got back ,friday night4 ,we had one of those visits that make a mark in one's life2 seeing ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,leonard1 and ,mrs4 ,randall1 and ,miss ,deborah1 #e so fond of us1 and all together we were stirred up as we rarely are1 and refreshed beyond description4 ,we rowed on ,mr4 ,leonard's beautiful1 nameless lake1 fished1 gathered water-lilies1 ate black ,hamburg grapes and broiled chickens1 and wished you had them in our place4 ,mr4 ,l4's mother is a sweet1 calm old lady1 with whom ,i wanted to have a talk about ,christian perfection1 in which she believes2 but there was no time4 ,it was a great rest to unbend the bow strung so high here at ,newport1 where there is so much of receiving and paying visits4 ,i have been reading a delightful ,french book1 the history of a saintly ,catholic family of great talent and culture1 six of whom1 in the course of seven years1 died the most beautiful1 happy deaths4 ,i am going to make an abstract of it1 for ,i want everybody ,i love to get the cream of it4 ,you would enjoy it2 ,i do not know whether it has been translated4 ,to the ,same1 ,dorset1 ,july #bf4 ,here begins my first letter to you from your old room1 whence ,i hope to write you regularly every week4 ,that is the one only little thing ,i can do to show how truly and constantly ,i sympathise with you in your sore straits4 ,it distresses me to hear how much you are suffering1 and at the same time not to be near enough to speak a word of good cheer1 or to do anything for your comfort4 ,it grieves me to find how insecure my health is1 for ,i had promised to myself to be your loving nurse1 should any turn in your disease make it desirable4 ,miss ,lyman boards here1 but rooms at the ,sykes'1 and her friend ,miss ,warner is also here1 but rooms out4 ,miss ,w4 is in delicate health1 takes no tea or coffee1 and is full of humor4 ,we have run at and run upon each other1 each trying to get the measure of the other1 and shall probably end in becoming very good friends4 ,it is a splendid day1 and we feel perfectly at home1 only missing you and finding it queer to be occupying your room4 ,what a nice room it is6 ,how ,i wish you were sitting here with me behind the shade of these maple trees1 and that ,i could know from your own lips just how you are in body and mind4 ,but ,i suppose the weary1 aching body has the soul pretty well enchained4 ,never mind1 dear1 it won't be so always2 by and by the tables will be turned1 and you will be the conqueror4 ,i like to think that far less than a hundred years hence we shall all be free from the law of sin and death1 and happier in one moment of our new existence1 than through a whole life-time here4 ,rest must and will come1 sooner or later1 to you and to me and to all of us1 and it will be glorious4 ,you may have seen a notice of the death of ,prof4 ,hopkins' mother at the age of ninety-five4 ,but for this terribly hot weather1 ,i presume she might have lived to be one hundred4 ,i shall not write you such a long letter again1 as it will tire you1 and if you would rather have two short ones a week1 ,i will do that4 ,let me know if ,i tire you4 ,now good-bye1 dear child2 may ,god bless and keep you and give you all the faith and patience you need4 ,to ,miss ,mary ,b4 ,shipman1 ,dorset1 ,aug4 #b1 #ahfh4 ,we spent rather more than two weeks at ,newport1 taking two or three days to run to ,rochester1 ,mass41 to see some of our old ,new ,bedford friends4 ,we had a charming time with them1 as they took us up just where they left us nearly twenty years ago4 ,oh1 how our tongues did fly6 ,we left ,newport for home on ,tuesday night about two weeks ago4 ,i went on board and went to bed as well as usual1 tossed and turned a few hours1 grew faint and began to be sick1 as ,i always am now if ,i lose my sleep2 got out of bed and could not get back again1 and so lay on the floor all the rest of the night without a pillow1 or anything over me and nearly frozen4 ,the boys were asleep1 and anyhow it never crossed my mind to let them call ,george1 who was in another state-room4 ,he says that when he came in1 in the morning1 ,i looked as if ,i had been ill six months1 and ,i am sure ,i felt so4 ,imagine the family picture we presented driving from the boat all the way home1 ,george rubbing me with cologne1 ,a4 fanning me1 the rest crying6 ,on ,saturday more dead than alive ,i started for this place1 and by stopping at ,troy four or five hours1 getting a room and a bed1 ,i got here without much damage4 ,our house is very pretty1 and ,i suppose it will be done by next year4 ,oh1 how they do poke6 ,george is so happy in watching it1 and in working in his woods1 that ,i am perfectly delighted that he has undertaken this project4 ,it may add years to his life4 ,imagine my surprise at receiving from ,scribner a check for one hundred and sixty-four dollars for six months of ,fred and ,maria and ,me4 ,the little thing has done well1 hasn't it8 ,i feel now as if ,i should never write1 any more2 letter-writing is only talking and is an amusement1 but book-writing looks formidable4 ,excuse this horrid letter1 and write and let me know how you are4 ,meanwhile collect grasses1 dip them in hot water1 and sift flour over them4 ,good-bye1 dear4 ,fred and ,maria and ,me first appeared anonymously in the ,hours at ,home1 in #ahfe4 ,it had been written several years before1 and1 without the knowledge of ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 was offered by a friend to whom she had lent the manuscript1 to the ,atlantic ,monthly and to one or two other magazines1 but they all declined it4 ,she herself thus refers to it in a letter to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,july #ac3 ,i have just got hold of the ,hours at ,home4 ,i read my article and was disgusted with it4 ,my pride fell below zero1 and ,i wish it would stay there4 ,but the story attracted instant attention4 ,aunt ,avery was especially admired1 as depicting a very quaint and interesting type of ,new ,england religious character in the earlier half of the century4 ,such men as the late ,dr4 ,horace ,bushnell and ,dr4 ,william ,adams were unstinted in their praise4 ,in a letter to ,mrs4 ,smith1 dated a few months later1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss writes3 ,poor old ,aunt ,avery6 ,she doesn't know what to make of it that folks make so much of her1 and has to keep wiping her spectacles4 ,i feel entirely indebted to you for this thing ever seeing the light4 ,when published as a book1 ,fred and ,maria and ,me was received with great favor1 and had a wide circulation4 ,in #ahgd a ,german translation appeared4 #f ,although no attempt is made to reproduce the ,yankee idioms1 much of the peculiar spirit and flavor of the original is preserved in this version4 ,to ,mrs4 ,h4 ,b4 ,smith1 ,dorset1 ,august #d1 #ahfh4 ,miss ,lyman says ,i have no idea of what ,miss ,w4 really is2 she looks as if she would drop to pieces1 can not drive out1 far less walk1 and every word she speaks costs her an effort4 ,miss ,lyman is not well either2 and what with their health and mine1 and ,a4's1 ,i see little of them4 ,but what ,i do see is delightful1 and ,i feel it to be a real privilege to get what scraps of their society ,i can4 ,our house proves to be far prettier and more tasteful than ,i supposed4 ,i am writing up lots of letters1 and if ,i ever get well enough1 shall try to begin on my ,katy once more4 ,but since reading the ,rcit d'une ,soeur1 ,i am disgusted with myself and my writings4 ,i ache to have you read it4 ,miss ,lyman and ,miss ,warner send love to you4 ,i do not like ,miss ,l4's hacking cough1 and she says she does not believe ,miss ,w4 will live through the winter4 ,among us we contrive to keep up a vast amount of laughter2 so we shall probably live forever4 ,august #ahth4--,i have enjoyed ,miss ,lyman wonderfully1 but want to get nearer to her4 ,i see that she is one who does not find it easy to express her deepest and most sacred feelings4 ,i read ,katy to her and ,miss ,w41 as they were kind enough to propose ,i should1 and they made some valuable suggestions to which ,i shall attend if ,i ever get to feeling able to begin to write again4 ,i am as well as ever save in one respect1 and that is my sleep2 ,i do not sleep as ,i did before ,i left home1 while ,i ought to sleep better1 as ,i work several hours a day in the woods1 in fact do almost literally nothing else4444 ,but after all1 we are having the nicest time in the world4 ,i have not seen ,george so like himself for many years2 he lives out of doors1 pulls down fences1 picks up brushwood1 and keeps happy and well4 ,i feel it a real mercy that his thoughts are agreeably occupied this summer1 as otherwise he would be incessantly worried about ,anna4 ,we work together a good deal2 this morning ,i spoiled a new hatchet in cutting down milkweed where our kitchen garden is to be and we are literally raising our ,ebenezer1 which we mean to conceal with vines in due season4 ,george is just as proud of our woods as if he created every tree himself4 ,the minute breakfast is over the boys dart down to the house like arrows from the bow1 and there they are till dinner1 after which there is another dart and it is as much as ,i can do to get them to bed2 ,i wonder they don't sleep down there on the shavings4 ,the fact is the whole ,prentiss family has got house on the brain4 ,there1 this old letter is done1 and ,i am going to bed1 all black and blue where ,i have tumbled down1 and as tired as tired can be4 ,aug4 #bhth4--,i made a fire in ,,my woods yesterday1 and another to-day1 when ,i melted glue1 and worked at my rustic basket1 and felt extremely happy and amiable4 ,sept4 #acth4--,miss ,warner told me to-night that she thought my ,katy story commonplace at the beginning1 but that she changed her mind afterward4 ,of course ,i wrote a story about that marigold of ,g---- ,w----'s and ,i am dying to inflict it on you4 ,then if you like it1 hurrah6 ,to ,miss ,woolsey1 ,dorset1 ,aug4 #ac1 #ahfh4 ,i was right glad to get your letter yesterday1 and to learn a little of your whereabouts and whatabouts4 ,you may imagine him as seated1 spectacles on nose1 reading ,the ,nation at one end of the table1 and her as established at the other4 ,this table is homely1 but has a literary look1 got up to give an air to our room2 books and papers are artistically scattered over it2 we have two bottles of ink apiece1 and a box of stamps1 a paper cutter and a pen-wiper between us4 ,two inevitable vases containing ferns1 grasses1 buttercups1 etc41 remind us that we are in the country1 and a natural bracket regales our august noses with an odor of its own4 ,a can of peaches without any peaches in it1 holds a specimen of lycopodium1 and a marvelous lantern that folds up into nothing by day and grows big at night1 brings up the rear4 ,but the most wonderful article in this room is a bookcase made by him1 all himself1 in which may be seen a big volume of ,fenelon1 ,taylor's ,holy ,living and ,dying1 the ,rcit d'une ,soeur1 which have you read8 ,les ,soires de ,saint ,petersbourg1 ,prayers of the ,ages1 a volume of ,goethe1 ,aristotle's ,ethics and some other ,greek books2 the ,life of ,mrs4 ,fry1 etc4 etc4 ,such a queer hodge-podge of books as we brought with us1 and such a book-case6 ,the first thing he ever made for her in his mortal life4 ,our house isn't done1 and what fun to watch it grow1 to discuss its merits and demerits1 to grab every check that comes in from magazine and elsewhere1 and turn it into chairs and tables and beds and blankets6 ,then for them boys1 what treasures in the way of bits of boards1 and what feats of climbing and leaping6 ,above all1 think of him in an old banged-in hat1 and her in a patched old gown1 gathering brushwood in their woods1 making it up into heaps1 and warming themselves by the fires it is agoing for to make4 ,stick after stick did ,goody pull6 ,mr4 ,p4 is unusually well4 ,his house is the apple of his eye1 and he is renewing his youth4 ,thus far the project has done him a world of good4 ,to ,mrs4 ,stearns1 ,dorset1 ,september #ac1 #ahfc4 ,yesterday ,mr4 ,f4 and ,george drove somewhere to look at sand for mortar1 and the horse took fright and wheeled round and pitched ,george out1 bruising him in several places1 but doing no serious harm4 ,but ,i shudder when ,i think how the meaning might be taken out of everything in this world1 for me1 at least1 by such an accident4 ,he preached all day to-day2 in the afternoon at ,rupert4 ,i find my mission-school a good deal of a tax on time and strength1 and it is discouraging business1 too4 ,one of the boys1 fourteen years old1 found the idea that ,god loved him so irresistibly ludicrous1 that his face was a perfect study4 ,i often think of you as these active limbs of mine take me over woods and fields1 and remind myself that the supreme happiness of my father's life came to him when he called himself what you call yourself--a cripple4 ,if it is not an expensive book1 ,i think you had better buy ,a ,sister's ,story1 of which ,i wrote to you1 as it would be a nice ,sunday book to last some time2 the ,catholicism you would not mind1 and the cultivated1 high-toned ,christian character you would enjoy4 ,the boys complain1 as ,george and ,i do1 that the days are not half long enough4 ,they have got their bedsteads and washstands done1 and are now going to make couches for ,george and myself1 and an indefinite number of other articles4 ,sept4 #bjth4--,i am greatly relieved1 my dear ,anna1 to hear that you have got safely into your new home1 and that you like it1 and long to see you face to face4 ,george has no doubt told you what a happy summer we have had4 ,it has not been unmingled happiness--that is not to be found in this world--but in many ways it has been pleasant in spite of what infirmities of the flesh we carry with us everywhere1 our anxiety about and sympathy with you1 and the other cares and solicitudes that are inseparable from humanity4 ,i had a great deal of comfort in seeing ,miss ,lyman while she was here1 and in knowing her better1 and now ,i am finding myself quite in love with her intimate friend1 ,miss ,warner1 who has been here all summer4 ,a gentler1 tenderer spirit can not exist4 ,mrs4 ,f4's brother was here with his wife1 some weeks ago1 and they were summoned home to the death-bed of their last surviving child4 ,mrs4 ,f4 read me a letter yesterday describing her last hours1 which were really touching and beautiful1 especially the distributing among her friends the various pretty things she had made for them during her illness1 as parting gifts4 ,i suppose this will be my last letter from ,dorset and from your old room4 ,well1 you and ,i have passed some happy hours under this roof4 ,good-bye1 dear1 with love to each and all of your beloved ones4 ,to ,miss ,eliza ,a4 ,warner1 ,dorset1 ,sept4 #bg1 #ahfh4 ,i was so nearly frantic1 my dear ,fanny1 from want of sleep1 that ,i could not feel anything4 ,i was perfectly stupid1 and all the way home from ,east ,dorset hardly spoke a word to my dear ,john1 nor did he to me4 #g ,the next day he said such lovely things to me that ,i hardly knew whether ,i was in the body or out of it1 and then came your letter1 as if to make my cup run over4 ,i longed for you last night1 and it is lucky for your frail body that can bear so little1 that you were not in your little room at ,mrs4 ,g4's2 but not at all lucky for your heart and soul4 ,i hope ,god will bless us to each other4 ,it is not enough that we find in our mutual affection something cheering and comforting4 ,it must make us more perfectly ,his4 ,what a wonderful thing it is that coming here entire strangers to each other1 we part as if we had known each other half a century6 ,i am not afraid that we shall get tired of each other4 ,the great point of union is that we have gone to our ,saviour1 hand in hand1 on the supreme errand of life1 and have not come away empty4 ,all my meditations bring me back to that point2 or1 ,i should rather say1 to ,him4 ,i came here praying that in some way ,i might do something for ,him4 ,the summer has gone1 and ,i am grieved that ,i have not been1 from its beginning to its end1 so like ,him1 so full of ,him1 as to constrain everybody ,i met to love ,him too4 ,isn't there such power in a holy life1 and have not some lived such a life8 ,i hardly know whether to rejoice most in my love for ,him1 or to mourn over my meagre love2 so ,i do both4 ,when ,i think that ,i have a new friend1 who will be indulgent to my imperfections1 and is determined to find something in me to love1 ,i am glad and thankful4 ,but when1 added to that1 ,i know she will pray for me1 and so help my poor soul heavenward1 it does seem as if ,god had been too good to me4 ,you can do it lying down or sitting up1 or when you are among other friends4 ,it is true1 as you say1 that ,i do not think much of lying-down prayer in my own case1 but ,i have not a weak back and do not need such an attitude4 ,and the praying we do by the wayside1 in cars and steamboats1 in streets and in crowds1 perhaps keeps us more near to ,christ than long prayers in solitude could without the help of these little messengers1 that hardly ever stop running to ,him and coming back with the grace every moment needs4 ,you can put me into some of these silent petitions when you are too tired to pray for me otherwise4 ,i have been writing this in my shawl and bonnet1 expecting every instant to hear the bell toll for church1 and now it is time to go4 ,good-bye1 dear1 till by and by4 ,well1 ,i have been and come1 and--wonder of wonders6--,i have had a little tiny bit of a very much needed nap4 ,mr4 ,pratt gave us a really good sermon about living to ,christ1 and ,i enjoyed the hymns4 ,we have had a talk1 my ,john and ,i1 about death1 and ,i asked him which of us had better go first1 and1 to my surprise1 he said he thought ,i should4 ,i am sure that was noble and unselfish in him4 ,but ,i am not going to have even a wish about it4 ,god only knows which had better go first1 and which stay and suffer4 ,some of ,his children must go into the furnace to testify that the ,son of ,god is there with them2 ,i do not know why ,i should insist on not being one of them4 ,sometimes ,i almost wish we were not building a house4 ,it seems as if it might stand in the way1 if it should happen ,i had a chance to go to heaven4 ,i should almost feel mean to do that1 and disappoint my husband who expects to see me so happy there4 ,but oh1 ,i do so long to be perfected myself1 and to live among those whose one thought is ,christ1 and who only speak to praise ,him6 ,i like you to tell me1 as you do in your ,east ,dorset letter1 how you spend your time1 etc4 ,i have an insatiable curiosity about even the outer life of those ,i love2 and of the inner one you can not say too much4 ,good-bye4 ,we shall have plenty of time in heaven to say all we have to say to each other4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,return to ,town4 ,death of an old ,friend4 ,letters and ,notes of ,love and ,sympathy4 ,an ,old ,ladies' ,party4 ,scenes of ,trouble and ,dying ,beds4 ,fifty ,years old4 ,letters4 ,her return to town brought with it a multitude of cares4 ,the following months drew heavily upon her strength and sympathies2 but for all that they were laden with unwonted joy4 ,the summer at ,dorset had been a very happy one4 ,while there she had finished ,stepping ,heavenward and on coming back to her city home1 the cheery1 loving spirit of the book seemed still to possess her whole being4 ,katy's words at its close were evidently an expression of her own feelings3 ,yes1 ,i love everybody6 ,that crowning joy has come to me at last4 ,christ is in my soul2 ,he is mine2 ,i am as conscious of it as that my husband and children are mine2 and ,his ,spirit flows forth from mine in the calm peace of a river1 whose banks are green with grass1 and glad with flowers4 ,to ,miss ,eliza ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,oct4 #e1 #ahfh ,this is the first moment since we reached home1 in which ,i could write to you1 but ,i have had you in my heart and in my thoughts as much as ever4 ,we had a prosperous journey1 but the ride to ,rupert was fearfully cold4 ,i never remember being so cold1 unless it was the night ,i reached ,williamstown1 when ,i went to my dear sister's funeral4444 ,i have told you this long story to try to give you a glimpse of the distracted life that meets us at our very threshold as we return home4 ,and now ,i'm going to trot down to see ,miss ,lyman1 whom ,i shall just take and hug1 for ,i am so brimful of love to everybody that ,i must break somebody's bones1 or burst4 ,john preached delightfully yesterday2 ,i wanted you there to hear4 ,but all my treasures are in earthen vessels2 he seems all used up by his ,sunday and scarcely touched his breakfast4 ,i don't see how his or my race can be very long1 if we live in ,new ,york4 ,all the more reason for running it well4 ,and what a blessed1 blessed life it is1 at the worst6 ,central peace subsisting at the heart of endless agitation4 ,good-bye1 dear2 consider yourself embraced by a hearty soul that heartily loves you1 and that soul lives in ,e4 ,p4 ,on the #beth of ,october ,mr4 ,charles ,h4 ,leonard1 an old and highly esteemed friend1 died very suddenly at his summer home in ,rochester1 ,mass4 ,he was a man of sterling worth1 generous1 large-hearted1 and endeared to ,mrs4 ,prentiss and her husband by many acts of kindness4 ,he was one of the founders of the ,church of the ,covenant and had also aided liberally in building its pleasant parsonage4 ,to ,miss ,eliza ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,oct4 #bf1 #ahfh4 ,i am reminded as ,i write my date1 that ,i am fifty years old to-day4 ,my ,john says it is no such thing1 and that ,i am only thirty2 but ,i begin to feel antiquated1 dilapidated1 and antediluvian1 etc41 etc4 ,i write to let you know that we are going to ,rochester1 ,mass41 to attend the funeral of a dear friend there4 ,it seems best for me to risk the wear and tear of the going and the coming1 if ,i can thereby give even a little comfort to one who loves me dearly1 and who is now left without a single relative in the world4 ,for twenty-four years these have been faithful friends1 loving us better every year1 members of our church in ,new ,bedford1 ,mercer street1 and then here4 ,they lived at ,rochester during the summer and we visited them there 7you may remember my speaking of it7 just before we went to ,dorset4 ,mrs4 ,leonard was then feeling very uneasy about her husband1 but he got better and seemed about as usual1 till last ,tuesday1 when he was stricken down with paralysis and died on ,saturday4 ,somebody said that spending so large a portion of my time as ,i do in scenes of sorrow1 she wondered ,god did not give me more strength4 ,but ,i think ,he knows just how much to give4 ,i have been to ,newark twice since ,i wrote you4 ,mrs4 ,stearns is in a very suffering condition2 ,i was appalled by the sight2 appalled at the weakness of human nature 7its physical weakness74 ,but ,i got over that1 and had a sweet glimpse at least of the eternal felicity that is to be the end of what at longest is a brief period of suffering4 ,i write her a little bit of a note every few days4 ,i feel like a ball that now is tossed to ,sorrow and tossed back by ,sorrow to ,joy4 ,for mixed in with every day's experience of suffering are such great1 such unmerited mercies4 ,two or three of the little notes follow3 ,,my ,,dearest ,,anna 3-,i long to be with you through the hours that are before you1 and to help cheer and sustain you in the trial of faith and patience to which you are called4 ,but unless you need me ,i will not go1 lest ,i should be the one too many in your state of excitement and suspense4 ,we all feel anxiety as to the result of the incision1 but take comfort in casting our care upon ,god4 ,may ,christ ,jesus1 our dear ,saviour1 who loves and pities you infinitely more than any of us do1 be very near you in this season of suspense4 ,i would gladly exchange positions with you if ,i might1 and if it were best2 but as ,i may not1 and it is not best1 because ,god wills otherwise1 ,i earnestly commend you to ,his tender sympathy4 ,if ,he means that you shall be restored to health1 ,he will make you happy in living2 if ,he means to call you home to ,himself1 ,he will make you happy in dying4 ,dear ,anna1 stay yourself on ,him3 ,he has strength enough to support you1 when all other strength fails4 ,remember1 as ,lizzy ,smith said1 you are encompassed with prayers4 ,friday ,afternoon1 ,,my ,,dear ,,anna 3-,i send you a lullaby for next ,sunday1 which ,i met with at ,dorset1 and hope it will speak a little word and sing a little song to you while the rest are at church4 ,how ,i do wish ,i could see you every day6 ,i feel restless with longing2 but you are hardly able to take any comfort in a long visit and it is such a journey to make for-a short one6 ,but1 as ,i said the other day1 if at any time you feel a little stronger and it would comfort you even a little bit to see me1 ,i will drop everything and run right over4 ,it seems hard to have you suffer so and do nothing for you4 ,but don't be discouraged2 pain can't last forever4 ,i know not the way ,i am going ,but well do ,i know my ,guide6 ,with a childlike trust ,i give my hand1 ,to the mighty ,friend at my side4 ,the only thing that ,i say to ,him ,as ,he takes it1 is1 ',hold it fast4 ,suffer me not to lose my way1 ,and bring me home at last6' ,,my ,,dear ,,anna3-,i feel such tender love and pity for you1 but ,i know you are too sick to read more than a few words4 ,in the furnace ,god may prove thee1 ,thence to bring thee forth more bright ,but can never cease to love thee3 ,thou art precious in ,his sight6 ,your ever affectionate ,,lizzy4 ,to ,mrs4 ,lenard1 ,friday1 ,oct4 #cj1 #aheh4 ,we got home safely last evening before any of the children had gone to bed1 and they all came running to meet us most joyfully4 ,this morning ,i am restless and can not set about anything4 ,it distresses me to think how little human friendship can do for such a sorrow as yours4 ,when a sufferer is on the rack he cares little for what is said to him though he may feel grateful for sympathy4 ,i found it hard to tear myself away from you so soon1 but all ,i could do for you there ,i could do all along the way home and since ,i have got here3 love you1 be sorry for you1 and constantly pray for you4 ,i am sure that ,he who has so sorely afflicted you accepts the patience with which you bear the rod1 and that when this first terrible amazement and bewilderment are over1 and you can enter into communion and fellowship with ,him1 you will find a joy in ,him that1 hard as it is to the flesh to say so1 transcends all the sweetest and best joys of human life4 ,you will have nothing to do now but to fly to ,him4 ,i have seen the time when ,i could hide myself in ,him as a little child hides in its mother's arms1 and so have thousands of aching hearts4 ,in all our afflictions ,he is afflicted4 ,but ,i must not weary you with words4 ,may ,god bless and keep you1 and fully reveal ,himself unto you6 ,to ,miss4 ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,nov4 #b1 #ahfh4 ,i have been lying on the sofa in my room1 half asleep1 and feeling rather guilty at the lot of gas ,i was wasting1 but too lazy or too tired to get up to turn it down4 ,your little spray hangs right over the head of my bed1 an it was it was slightly dilapidated by its journey hither1 ,i have tucked in a bit of green fern with it to remind me that ,i was not always in the sere and yellow leaf1 but had a spring-time once4 ,to think of your going for to go and write verses to me in my old age6 ,i have just been reading them over and think it was real good of you to up and say such nice things in such a nice way4 ,i'd no idea you could6 ,we did not come home from ,rochester through ,boston2 if we had done so ,i meant to go and see you4 ,i made it up in many loving thoughts to you on our twelve hours' journey4 ,poor ,mrs4 ,l4 met me with open arms1 and ,i was thankful indeed that ,i went1 though every word ,i said in the presence of her terrible grief1 sounded flat and cold and dead4 ,how little the tenderest love and sympathy can do1 in such sorrows6 ,she was so bewildered and appalled by her sudden bereavement1 that it was almost a mockery to say a word2 and yet ,i kept saying what ,i know is true1 that ,christ in the soul is better than any earthly joy4 ,both ,mr4 ,prentiss and myself feel the reaction which must inevitably follow such a strain4 ,you ask if ,i look over the past on my birthdays4 ,i suppose ,i used to do it and feel dreadfully at the pitiful review1 but since ,i have had the children's to celebrate1 ,i haven't thought much of mine4 ,but this time1 being fifty years old1 did set me upon thinking1 and ,i had so many mercies to recount and to thank ,god for1 that ,i hardly felt pangs of any sort4 ,i suppose ,he controls our moods in such seasons1 and ,i have done trying to force myself into this or that train of thought4 ,i am sure that a good deal of what used to seem like repentance and sorrow for sin on such occasions1 was really nothing but wounded pride that wished it could appear better in its own eyes4 ,god has been so good to me6 ,i wish ,i could begin to realise how good6 ,i think a great many thoughts to you that ,i can't put on paper4 ,life seems teaching some new1 or deepening the impression of some old1 lesson1 all the time4 ,you think ,a4 may have looked scornfully at your little spray4 ,well1 she didn't2 she said1 ,what's that funny little thing perched up there8 ,well1 it's pretty anyhow4 ,among the rush of visitors to-day were ,miss ,haines and the ,w----s4 ,i fell upon ,miss ,w4 and told her about you1 furiously2 then we got upon ,miss ,lyman1 and it did my very soul good to hear ,miss ,haines praise and magnify her4 ,never shall ,i cease to be thankful for being with her at ,dorset1 to say nothing1 dear1 of you6 ,do you know that there are twelve cases of typhoid fever at ,vassar8 and that ,miss ,lyman is not as well as she was8 ,i feel greatly concerned about her1 not to say troubled4 ,i don't suppose ,i shall ever hear her pray4 ,but ,i shall hear her and help her praise4 ,i don't believe a word about there being different grades of saints in heaven4 ,some people think it modest to say that they don't expect to get anywhere near so and so1 they are so--etc41 etc4 ,but ,i expect to be mixed all up with the saints1 and to take perfect delight in their testimony to my ,saviour4 ,can you put up with this miserable letter8 ,folks can't rush to ,newark and to ,rochester and agonise in every nerve at the sufferings of others1 and be quite coherent4 ,i have sense enough left to know that ,i love you dearly1 and that ,i long to see you and to take sweet counsel with you once more4 ,don't fail to give me the helping hand4 ,the following was written to ,mrs4 ,stearns on her silver-wedding day1 ,nov4 #ae3 ,,my ,,dearest ,,anna3 ,i have thought of you all day with the tenderest sympathy1 knowing how you had looked forward to it1 and what a contrast it offers to your bridal day twenty-five years ago4 ,but ,i hope it has not been wholly sad4 ,you have a rich past that can not be taken from you1 and a richer future lies before you4 ,for ,i can see1 though through your tears you can not1 that the ,son of ,god walks with you in this furnace of affliction1 and that ,he is so sanctifying it to your soul1 that ages hence you will look on this day as better1 sweeter1 than the day of your espousals4 ,it is hard now to suffer1 but after all1 the light affliction is nothing1 and the weight of glory is everything4 ,you may not fully realise this or any other truth1 in your enfeebled state1 but truth remains the same whether we appreciate it or not2 and so does ,christ4 ,your despondency does not prove that ,he is not just as near to you as ,he is to those who see ,him more clearly2 and it is better to be despondent than to be self-righteous4 ,don't you see that in afflicting you ,he means to prove to you that ,he loves you1 and that you love ,him8 ,don't you remember that it is ,his son--not ,his enemy--that ,he scourgeth8 ,the greatest saint on earth has got to reach heaven on the same terms as the greatest sinner2 unworthy1 unfit1 good-for-nothing2 but saved through grace4 ,do cheer and comfort yourself with these thoughts1 my dearest ,anna1 and your sick-room will be the happiest room in your house1 as ,i constantly pray it may be6 ,your ever affectionate ,lizzy4 ,to ,miss ,e4,a4,w41 ,new ,york1 ,nov4 #ag1 #ahfh ,you ask how ,i sleep4 ,i always sleep better at home than elsewhere2 this is one great reason why we decided to have a home all the year round4 ,i have to walk four or five miles a day1 which takes a good deal of time1 these short days1 but there is no help for it4 ,i do not think the time is lost when ,i am out of doors2 ,i suppose ,christ may go with us1 does go with us1 wherever we go4 ,but ,i am too eager and vehement1 too anxious to be working all the time4 ,why1 no1 ,i don't think it wrong to want to be at work provided ,god gives us strength for work2 the great thing is not to repine when ,he disables us4 ,i don't think1 my dear1 that you need trouble yourself about my dying at present2 it is not at all likely that ,i shall4 ,i feel as if ,i had got to be tested yet2 this sweet peace1 of which ,i have so much1 almost startles me4 ,i keep asking myself whether it is not a stupendous delusion of ,satan and my own wicked heart4 ,how ,i wish ,i could see you to-night6 ,there is so much one does not like to put on paper that one would love to say4 ,thursday1 #d ,p4,m4--,well1 my lunch-party is over1 and my sewing society is re-organised1 and before ,i go forth to tea1 let me finish and send off this epistle4 ,we had the ,rev4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,washburn1 of ,constantinople1 ,dr4 ,chickering1 and ,prof1 and ,mrs4 ,smith2 gave them cold turkey1 cold ham1 cold ice-cream and hot coffee2 that was about all1 for society in ,new ,york is just about reduced down to eating and drinking together1 after which you go about your business4 ,i am re-reading ,leighton on #ast ,peter2 ,i wonder if you like it as much as my ,john and ,i do6 ,i hope your murderous book goes on well2 then you can take your rest next summer4 ,now ,i must get ready for my long walk down and over to ,ninth st41 to see a tiny little woman1 and ,english at that4 ,her prayer at our meeting yesterday moved us all to tears4 ,to ,miss ,eliza ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,nov4 #be1 #ahfh ,mr4 ,prentiss complained yesterday that no letters came1 an unheard-of event in our family history1 and this morning found twelve sticking in the top of the box2 among them was yours1 but ,i was just going off to my ,prayer-meeting1 and had to put it into my pocket and let it go too4 ,i am glad you sent me ,mrs4 ,field's letter and poem2 she is a genius1 and writes beautifully4 ,and how glad you must be to hear about your books4 ,i can't imagine what better work you want than writing4 ,in what other way could you reach so many minds and hearts8 ,you must always send me such letters4 ,before ,i forget it1 let me tell you of a real ,thanksgiving present we have just had2 three barrels of potatoes1 some apples1 some dried apples1 cranberries1 celery1 canned corn1 canned strawberries1 and two big chickens4 ,after church1 ,thursday4--,i must indulge myself with going on with my letter1 for after dinner ,i want to play with the children1 and make this day mean something to them besides pies4 ,for everybody spoke for pies this year 7you know we almost never make such sinful things7 and they all said ice-cream wouldn't do at all1 so yesterday ,i made fourteen of these enormities1 and mean to stuff them 7the children1 not the pies67 so that they won't want any more for a year4 ,i want to tell you about some pretty coincidences2 we went to church in a dismal rain1 and ,mr4 ,prentiss preached on the beauty of holiness1 and every time he said anything that made sunshine particularly appropriate1 the sun came in in floods1 then disappeared till the next occasion4 ,for instance1 he spoke of the sunshine of a happy home as so much brighter than that of the natural sun1 and the whole church was instantly illuminated2 then he said that if we had each come there with ten million sorrows1 ,christ could give us light1 when1 lo1 the church glowed again2 and so on half-a-dozen times1 till at last he quoted the verse ,and the ,lamb is the light thereof1 when a perfect blaze of effulgence made those mysterious1 words almost startling4 ,and then he wound up by describing the ,tyrolese custom on which ,mrs4 ,field's poem is founded1 which he had himself seen and enjoyed1 and of which1 it seems1 he spoke at ,east ,dorset last summer at the ,sunday-school4 #h ,i read the poem and letter to him the instant we got home1 and he admired them both4 ,it was a little singular that her poem and his sermon came to me at almost the identical moment1 wasn't it8 ,i must tell you about an old ladies' party given by ,mrs4 ,cummings1 wife of him who prepared my father's memoir4 #i ,she had had a fortune left to her and was all the time doing good with it1 and it entered her head to get up a very nice supper for twenty-six old ladies1 the youngest of whom was seventy-five 7the ,portland people rarely die till they're ninety or so74 ,she sent carriages for all who couldn't walk1 and when they all got together1 the lady who described the scene to me1 said it was indescribably beautiful1 all congratulating each other that they were so far on in their pilgrimage and so near heaven6 ,lovely1 wasn't it8 ,i wish ,i could spend the rest of my life with such people6 ,then she spoke of ,mrs4 ,c4's face during the last six months of her life1 when it had an expression so blest1 so seraphic1 that it was a delight to look upon it--and how she had all the members of the ladies' prayer-meeting come and kiss her good-bye after she was too weak to speak4 ,and now the children have got together again1 and ,i must go and stay with them till their bed-time1 when1 partly for the sake of the walk1 partly because they asked us1 we twain are going to see the ,smiths4 ,i rather think1 my dear1 that if1 as you say1 you could see all my thoughts1 you would drop me as you would a hot potato4 ,you would see many good thoughts1 ,i won't deny that1 and some loving ones2 but you would also see an abominable lot of elated1 conceited1 horrid ones2 self-laudation even at good planned to do1 and admired before done4 ,but ,god can endure what no mortal eye could2 ,he does not love us because we are so lovely1 but because ,he always loves what ,he pities4 ,i fall back upon this thought whenever ,i feel discouraged2 ,i was going to say sad1 but that isn't the word1 for ,i never do feel sad except when ,i've been eating something ,i'd no business to6 ,good-bye1 dearie4 ,to the ,same1 ,new ,york1 ,dec4 #c1 #ahfh4 ,i think ,i must indulge myself1 my dear1 in writing to you to-night1 it being really the only thing ,i want to do1 unless it be to lie half asleep on the sofa4 ,and that ,i can't do1 for there's no sofa in the room6 ,the cold weather has made it agreeable to have a fire in the dining-room grate1 and this makes it a cheerful resort for the children1 especially as the long table is very convenient for their books1 map-drawing1 etc4 ,and wherever the rest are the mother must be2 ,i suppose that is the law of a happy family1 in the winter at least4 ,the reason ,i am so tired to-night is that ,i have been unexpectedly to ,newark4 ,i went1 as soon as ,i could after breakfast1 to market1 and then on a walk of over two miles to prepare myself for our sewing-circle6 ,i met our sexton as ,i was coming home1 and asked him to see what ailed one of the drawers of my desk that wouldn't shut4 ,we had a terrible time with it1 and ,i had to take everything out1 and turn my desk topsy-turvy1 and your letters and all my other papers got raving distracted1 and all mixed up with bits of sealing-wax1 old pens1 and dear knows what not1 when down comes ,a4 from the school-room1 to say that ,mrs4 ,stearns had sent for me to come right out1 thinking she was dying4 ,i knew nothing about the trains1 always trusting to ,mr4 ,prentiss about that1 but in five minutes ,i was off1 and on reaching the depot found ,i had lost a train by ten minutes1 and that there wouldn't be another for an hour4 ,then ,i had leisure to remember that ,mr4 ,p4 was to get home from ,dorset1 that ,i had left no message for him1 had hid away all the letters that had come in his absence1 where he couldn't find them2 that if it was necessary for me to stay at ,newark all night he would be dreadfully frightened1 etc41 etc4 ,somehow ,i felt very blue1 but at last concluded to get rid of a part of the time by hunting up some dinner at a restaurant4 ,when ,i at last got to ,newark1 ,i found that ,mrs4 ,stearns' disease had suddenly developed several unfavorable symptoms4 ,she had made up her mind that all hope was over1 had taken leave of her family1 and now wanted to bid me good-bye4 ,she held my hands fast in both hers1 begging me to talk4 ,i spoke freely to her about her death2 she pointed up once to an illumination ,i gave her last spring3 ,,simply ,,to ,,thy ,,cross ,i ,,cling4 ,that1 she said1 is all ,i can do4 ,i said all ,i could to comfort her1 but ,i do not know whether ,god gave me the right word or not4 ,on my return1 as ,i got out of the stage near the corner of our street1 whom should my weary eyes light on but my dear good man1 just got home from ,dorset2 how surprised and delighted we were to meet so unexpectedly6 ,m4 rushed to meet us1 and afterward said to me1 ,i have three great reliefs2 you have got home2 papa has got home2 and ,aunt ,anna is still alive4 ,my children were never so lovely and loving as they are this winter2 my home is almost too luxurious and happy2 such things don't belong to this world4 ,we have just heard of the death in ,switzerland of ,mr4 ,prentiss' successor at ,new ,bedford1 classmate of one of my brothers1 and some one has sent a plaintive1 sweet little dying song written at ,florence by him4 ,now ,i am too fagged to say another word4 ,dec4 #dth4--,i do not get any time to write2 each day brings its own special work that can't be done to-morrow2 as to letters1 ,i scratch them off at odd moments1 when too tired to do anything else4 ,what a resource they are6 ,they do instead of crying for me4 ,and how many ,i get every week that are loving and pleasant6 ,what do you think of this8 ,i hope it will make you laugh--a lady told me she never confessed her sins aloud 7in prayer7 lest ,satan should find out her weak points and tempt her more effectually6 ,and ,i want to ask you if you ever offer to pray with people8 ,i never do1 and yet there are cases when nothing else seems to answer4 ,oh1 how many questions of duty come up every hour1 and how many reasons we have every hour to be ashamed of ourselves6 ,monday morning4--,it was a shame to write to you1 when ,i was so tired that ,i could not write legibly1 but my heart was full of love1 and ,i longed to be near you4 ,now ,monday has come1 a lowering1 forbidding day1 yet all is sunshine in my soul1 and ,i hope that may make my home light to my beloved ones1 and even reach you1 wherever you are4 ,i am going to run out to see how ,mrs4 ,stearns is4 ,our plan is for me to make arrangements to stay with her1 if ,i can be of any use or comfort4 ,i literally love the house of mourning better than the house of feasting4 ,all my long1 long years of suffering and sorrow make sorrow-stricken homes homelike1 and ,i can not but feel1 because ,i know it from experience1 that ,christ loves to be in such homes4 ,so you may congratulate me1 dear1 if ,i may be permitted to go where ,he goes4 ,i wish you could have heard yesterday's sermon about ,god's having as characteristic1 individual a love to each of us as we have to our friends4 ,think of that1 dear1 when you remember how ,i loved you in ,mrs4 ,g4's little parlor6 ,can you realise that your ,lord and ,saviour loves you infinitely more8 ,i confess that such conceptions are hard to attain4444 ,can't you do ,m---- ,s---- up in your next letter1 and send her to me on approbation8 ,instead of being satisfied that ,i've got you1 ,i want her and everybody else who is really good1 to fill up some of the empty rooms in my heart4 ,this is a rambling1 scrambling letter1 but ,i don't care1 and don't believe you do4 ,well1 good-bye2 thank your stars that this bit of paper hasn't got any arms and can't hug you6 ,to ,mrs4 ,leonard1 ,new ,york1 ,dec4 #ac1 #ahfh4 ,there is half an hour before bed-time1 and ,i have been thinking of and praying for you1 till ,i feel that ,i must write4 ,i forgot to tell you1 how the verses in my ,daily ,food1 on the day of your dear husband's death1 seem meant for you3 ,thou art my refuge and portion4--,ps4 cxliii4 #e4 ',tis ,god that lifts our comforts high1 ,or sinks them in the grave2 ,he gives1 and blessed be ,his name6 ,he takes but what ,he gave4 ,the ,lord gave and the ,lord hath taken away4--,,job i4 #ba4 ,i have had this little book thirty-three years1 it has travelled with me wherever ,i have been1 and it has been indeed my song in the house of my pilgrimage4 ,this has been our communion ,sunday1 and ,i have been very glad of the rest and peace it has afforded1 for ,i have done little during the last ten days but fly from one scene of sorrow to another1 from here to ,newark and from ,newark to ,brooklyn4444 ,so ,i have alternated between the two dying beds2 yesterday ,jennie ,p4 went into a convulsion just as ,i entered the room1 and did not fully come out of it for an hour and a half1 when ,i had to come away in order to get home before pitch dark4 ,what a terrible sight it is6 ,they use chloroform1 and that has a very marked effect1 controlling all violence in a few seconds4 ,whether the poor child came out of that attack alive ,i do not know2 ,i had no doubt she was dying till just before ,i came away1 when she appeared easier1 though still unconscious4 ,the family seem nearly frantic1 and the sisters are so upset by witnessing these turns1 that ,i shall feel that ,i must be there all ,i can4 ,i am in cruel doubt which household to go to1 but hope ,god will direct4 ,mr4 ,prentiss is a good deal withered and worn by his sister's state2 he had never1 by any means1 ceased to hope1 and he is much afflicted4 ,she and ,jennie may live a week or more1 or go at any moment4 ,in my long hours of silent musing and prayer1 as ,i go from place to place1 ,i think often of you4 ,i think one reason why we do not get all the love and faith we sigh for is that we try to force them to come to us1 instead of realising that they must be ,god's free gifts1 to be won by prayer4444 ,and now ,mr4 ,p4 has come up-stairs rolled up in your afghan1 and we have decided to go to both ,newark and ,brooklyn to-morrow1 so ,i know ,i ought to go to bed4 ,you must take this letter as a great proof of my love to you1 though it does not say much1 for ,i am bewildered by the scenes through which ,i am passing1 and hardly fit therefore to write4 ,what ,i do not say ,i truly feel1 real1 deep1 constant sympathy with you in your sorrow and loneliness4 ,may ,god bless you in it4 #a ,dorset is situated in ,bennington county1 about sixty miles from ,troy and twenty-five miles from ,rutland4 ,its eastern portion lies in a deep-cut valley along the western slope of the ,green ,mountain range1 on the line of the ,bennington and ,rutland railroad4 ,its western part--the valley in which ,mrs4 ,prentiss passed her summers--is separated from ,east ,dorset by ,mt4 ,aeolus1 ,owl's ,head1 and a succession of maple-crested hills1 all belonging to the ,taconic system of rocks1 which contains the rich marble1 slate1 and limestone quarries of ,western ,vermont4 ,in the north this range sweeps round toward the ,equinox range1 enclosing the beautiful and fertile upland region called ,the ,hollow4 ,dorset belonged to the so-called ,new ,hampshire ,grants1 and was organised into a township shortly before the ,revolutionary ,war4 ,its first settlers were largely from ,connecticut and ,massachusetts4 ,they were a hardy1 intelligent1 liberty-loving race1 and impressed upon the town a moral and religious character1 which remains to this day4 #b ,mrs4 ,arthur ,bronson1 of ,new ,york4 ,a life of ,mrs4 ,prentiss would scarcely be complete without a grateful mention of this devoted friend and true ,christian lady4 ,she was the centre of a wide family circle1 to all of whose members1 both young and old1 she was greatly endeared by the beauty and excellence of her character4 ,she died shortly after ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 #c ,while supposing that her brothers had been burnt out and had1 perhaps1 lost everything1 she wrote to her husband with characteristic generosity3 ,if they did not kill themselves working at the fire1 they will kill themselves trying to get on their feet again4 ,every cent ,i have ,i think should be given them4 ,my father's church and everything associated with my youth1 gone forever6 ,i can't think of anything else4 #d ,mrs4 ,mc,curdy died at her home in ,new ,york in ,december1 #ahgf4 ,a few sentences from a brief address at the funeral by her old pastor will not be here out of place4 ,her natural character was one of the loveliest ,i have ever known4 ,its leading traits were as simple and clear as daylight1 while its cheering effect upon those who came under its influence was like that of sunshine4 ,she was not only very happy herself--enjoying life to the last in her home and her friends--but she was gifted with a disposition and power to make others happy such as falls to the lot of only a select few of the race4 ,her domestic and church ties brought her into relations of intimate acquaintance and friendship with some of the best men of her times4 ,i will venture to mention two of them3 her uncle1 the late ,theodore ,frelinghuysen1 one of the noblest men our country has produced1 eminent alike as statesman1 scholar1 and ,christian philanthropist2 and the sainted ,thomas ,h4 ,skinner1 her former pastor4 ,her sick-room--if sick-room is the proper name--in which1 during the last seventeen years1 she passed so much of her time1 was tinged with no sort of gloom2 it seemed to have two doors1 one of them opening into the world1 through which her family and friends passed in and out1 learning lessons of patience and love and sweet contentment3 the other opening heavenward1 and ever ajar to admit the messenger of her ,lord1 in whatever watch he should come to summon her home4 ,the place was like that upper chamber facing the sunrising1 and whose name was ,peace1 in which ,bunyan's ,pilgrim was lodged on the way to the celestial city4 ,how many pleasant and hallowed memories lead back to that room6 #e ,old ,new ,bedford friends4 #f ,fritz und ,maria und ,ich4 ,von ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,deutsche autorisirte ,ausgabe4 ,von ,marie ,morgenstern4 ,itzchoe1 #ahgd4 #g ,she gave me the pet-name of ,fanny because she did not like mine1 and there was an old joke about ,john4--,e4 ,a4 ,w4 #h ,the custom related to a pious salutation1 with which two friends1 or even strangers1 greet each other1 when meeting on the mountain highways and passes in certain districts of ,tyrol4 ,gelobt sei ,jesu ,christ6 cries one2 ,in ,ewigkeit1 ,amen6 answers the other 7i4e41 ,praised be ,jesus ,christ6 ,for evermore1 ,amen67 ,the following lines are from ,mrs4 ,f4's ,poem3 ,when the poor peasant1 alpenstock in hand1 ,toils up the steep1 ,and finds a friend upon the dizzy height ,amid his sheep1 ,they do not greet each other as in our ,kind ,english way1 ,ask not for health1 nor wish in cheerful phrase prosperous day2 ,infinite thoughts alone spring up in that ,great solitude1 ,nothing seems worthy or significant ,but heavenly good2 ,so in this reverent and sacred form ,their souls outpour1-- ,blessed be ,jesus ,christ's most holy name6 ',for evermore6' #i ,rev4 ,asa ,cummings1 ,d4,d41 of ,portland1 for many years editor of the ,christian ,mirror2 one of the weightiest1 wisest and best men of his generation4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,stepping ,,heavenward4 #ahfi4 ,i4 ,death of ,mrs4 ,stearns4 ,her ,character4 ,dangerous ,illness of ,prof4 ,smith4 ,death at the ,parsonage4 ,letters4 ,a ,visit to ,vassar ,college4 ,letters4 ,getting ready for ,general ,assembly4 ,gates ,ajar4 ,a little past three o'clock on ,saturday afternoon1 ,january #b1 #ahfi1 ,anna ,s4 ,prentiss1 wife of the ,rev4 ,jonathan ,f4 ,stearns1 ,d4,d41 fell asleep in ,jesus4 ,the preceding pages show what strong ties bound ,mrs4 ,prentiss to this beloved sister4 ,their friendship dated back thirty years2 it was cemented by common joys and common sorrows in some of their deepest experiences of life2 and it had been kept fresh and sweet by frequent intercourse and correspondence4 ,mrs4 ,stearns was a woman of uncommon attractions and energy of character4 ,she impressed herself strongly upon all who came within the sphere of her influence2 the hearts of her husband's people1 as well as his own and those of her children1 trusted in her2 and the whole community where she dwelt mourned her loss4 ,she had been especially endeared to her brother ,seargent1 with whom she spent several winters in the ,south prior to her marriage4 ,her influence over him1 at a critical period of his life1 was alike potent and happy2 their relation to each other was1 in truth1 full of the elements of romance2 and some of his letters to her are exquisite effusions of fraternal confidence and affection4 #a ,her letters to him1 beginning when she was a young girl and ending only with his life1 would form a large volume4 ,you excel any one ,i know1 he wrote to her1 in the kind and gentle art of letter-writing4 ,in the midst of his early professional triumphs he writes3 ,you do not know what obligations ,i am under to you2 ,i owe all my success in this country to the fact of having so kind a mother and such sweet affectionate sisters as ,abby and yourself4 ,it has been my only motive to exertion2 without it ,i should long since have thrown myself away4 ,even now1 when1 as is frequently the case1 ,i feel perfectly reckless both of life and fortune1 and look with contempt upon them both1 the recollection that there are two or three hearts that beat for me with real affection1 even though far away--comes over me as the music of ,david did over the dark spirit of ,saul4 ,i still feel that ,i have something worth living for4 ,for years her letters helped to cherish and deepen this feeling4 ,he thus refers to one of them3 ,i can not tell how much ,i thank you for it4 ,i cried like a child while reading it1 and even now the tears stand in my eyes1 as ,i think of its expressions of affection1 sympathy1 and good sense4444 ,i wish you were here now--oh1 how ,i do wish it6 ,but you will come next fall1 won't you8 and be to me ,the antelope whose feet shall bless ,with her light step my loneliness4 ,but my candle burns low1 and it is past the witching hour of night4 ,whether sleeping or waking1 ,god bless you and our dear mother1 and all of you4 ,good-night--good-night4 ,my love loads this last line4 ,to ,mrs4 ,prentiss and her husband1 the death of ,mrs4 ,stearns was an irreparable loss4 ,it took out of their life one of its greatest earthly blessings4 ,the new year opened with another painful shock--the sudden and dangerous illness of her husband's bosom friend1 ,henry ,boynton ,smith4 ,prof4 ,smith was to have made one of the addresses at the funeral of ,mrs4 ,stearns2 but instead of doing so1 he was obliged to take to his bed1 and1 soon afterwards1 to flee for his life beyond the sea4 ,to this affliction the reader is indebted for the letters to ,mrs4 ,smith1 contained in this chapter4 ,on the #afth of ,february another niece of her husband1 a sweet child of seventeen1 was brought to the parsonage very ill and died there before the close of the month4 ,her letters will show how she was affected by these troubles4 ,to ,mrs4 ,leonard1 ,new ,york1 ,jan4 #i1 #ahfi4 ,so many unanswered letters lie piled on my desk that ,i hardly know which to take up first1 but my heart yearns over you1 and ,i can not help writing you4 ,no wonder you grow sadder as time passes and the beloved one comes not1 and comes not4 ,i wish ,i could help you bear your burden1 but all ,i can do is to be sorry for you4 ,the peaceable fruits of sorrow do not ripen at once2 there is a long time of weariness and heaviness while this process is going on2 but ,i do not1 will not doubt1 that you will taste these fruits1 and find them very sweet4 ,one of the hard things about bereavement is the physical prostration and listlessness which make it next to impossible to pray1 and quite impossible to feel the least interest in anything4 ,we must bear this as a part of the pain1 believing that it will not last forever1 for nothing but ,god's goodness does4 ,how ,i wish you were near us1 and that we could meet and talk and pray together over all that has saddened our lives1 and made heaven such a blessed reality6 ,there is not much to tell about the last hours of our dear sister4 ,she had rallied a good deal1 and they all thought she was getting well2 but the day after ,christmas typhoid symptoms began to set in4 ,i saw her on the ,monday following1 found her greatly depressed1 and did not stay long4 ,on ,saturday morning1 we got a dispatch we should have received early on ,new ,year's day1 saying she was sinking4 ,we hurried out1 found her flushed and bright1 but near her end1 having no pulse at either wrist1 and her hands and feet cold4 ,she had had a distressing day and night1 but now seemed perfectly easy2 knew us1 gave us a glad welcome1 reminded me that ,i had promised to go with her to the end1 and kissed us heartily4 ,every time we went near her she gave us such a glad smile that it was hard to believe she was going so soon4 ,she talked incessantly1 with no signs of debility1 but it was the restlessness of approaching death4 ,at three in the afternoon they all came into the room1 as they always did at that hour4 ,she said a few things1 and evidently began to lose her sight1 for as ,lewis was about to leave the room1 she said1 ,good-night1 ,l41 and then to me1 ,why1 ,lizzy dear1 you are not going to stay all night8 ,i said1 ,oh yes1 don't you know ,i promised to stay with ,a41 who will be so lonely8 ,she looked pleased1 but greatly surprised1 her mind being so weak1 and in a few seconds she laid her restless hands on her breast1 her eyes became fixed1 and the last gentle breaths began to come and go4 ,is the doctor here8 she asked4 ,we told her no1 and then ,mr4 ,s4 and the nurse1 who were close each side of her1 began to repeat a verse or two of ,scripture2 then seeing she was apparently too far gone to hear1 ,mr4 ,s4 leaned over and whispered1 ,my darling6 ,she made no response1 on which he said1 ,she can make no response1 and she said1 ,but ,i hear1 gave one or two more gentle little breaths1 and was gone4 ,i forgot to say that after her eyes were fixed1 hearing ,mr4 ,s4 groan1 she stopped dying1 turned and gave a parting look6 ,i never saw an easier death1 nor such a bright face up to the very last4 ,one of the doctors coming in1 in the morning1 was apparently overcome by the extraordinary smile she gave him1 for he turned away immediately without a word1 and left the house4 ,i staid1 as they wished me to do1 till ,monday night1 when ,i came home quite used up4 ,your sorrow1 and the sorrow at ,brooklyn1 and now this one1 have come one after another until it seemed as if there was no end to it2 such is life1 and we must bear it patiently1 knowing the end will be the more joyful for all that saddened the way4 ,i shall always let you know if anything of special interest occurs in the church or among ourselves4 ,after loving you so many years1 ,i am not likely to forget you now4 ,the addresses at ,mrs4 ,s4's funeral will probably be published1 and we will send you a copy4 ,mr4 ,p4 is bearing up bravely1 but feels the listlessness of which ,i spoke1 and finds sermonising hard work4 ,he joins me in love to you4 ,do write often4 ,to ,miss ,eliza ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,feb4 #af1 #ahfi4 ,on coming home from church on ,sunday afternoon ,i found one of the ,brooklyn family waiting to tell us that another of the girls was very ill1 that they were all worn out and nearly frantic1 and asking if she might be brought here to be put under the care of some ,german doctor1 as ,dr4 ,smith had given her up4 ,in the midst of my sorrow for the poor mother1 ,i thought of myself4 ,how could ,i1 who had not been allowed to invite ,miss ,lyman here1 undertake this terrible care8 ,you know what a fearful disease it is--how many convulsions they have2 but you don't know the harm it did me just seeing poor ,jennie ,p4 in one4 ,yesterday ,i tried hard to let ,god manage it1 but ,i know ,i wished ,he would manage it so as to spare me2 it takes so little to pull me down1 and so little to destroy my health4 ,but ,i wasn't in a good frame1 couldn't write a ,percy for the ,observer1 got a letter from some house down town1 asking me to write them ,susy books1 got a ,london ,daily ,news containing a nice notice of ,little ,lou1 but nought consoled me4 #b ,in fact1 ,i dawdled so long over ,h4's lessons1 which ,i always hear after breakfast1 that ,i had not my usual time to pray2 and that1 of itself1 would spoil any day4 ,after dinner came two of the ,prentiss sisters to say that ,dr4 ,horatio ,smith said ,eva's one chance of getting well was to come here for change of air and scene--would ,i take her and her mother8 ,of course ,i would4 ,they then told me that ,dr4 ,smith had said his brother's case was perfectly hopeless4 ,this upset me4 ,my feet turned into ice and my head into a ball of fire4 ,as soon as they left1 ,i had the spare room arranged1 and then went out and walked till dark to cool off my head1 but to so little purpose that ,i had a bad night2 the news about ,prof4 ,s4 was so dreadful4 ,mr4 ,prentiss was appalled1 too4 ,i had to make this a day of rest--not daring to work after such a night4 ,got up at seven or so1 took my bath1 rung the bell for prayers at twenty minutes of eight4 ,after breakfast heard ,h4's lessons1 then read the #bjth chapter of ,matthew2 and mused long on ,christ's coming to minister--not to be ministered unto4 ,prayed for poor ,mrs4 ,smith and a good many weary souls1 and felt a little bit better4 ,then went down to ,randolph's at the request of a lady1 who wanted him to sell some books she had got up for a benevolent object4 ,he said he'd take twelve4 ,then to the ,smiths1 burdened with my sad secret4 ,got home tired and depressed4 ,tried to get to sleep and couldn't1 tried to read and couldn't4 ,at last they came with the sick girl1 and one look at the poor1 half- fainting child1 and her mother's ,nobody in the world but you would have let us come1 made them welcome2 and ,i have rejoiced ever since that ,god let them come4 ,one of the first things they said took my worst burden off my back2 the whole story about ,prof4 ,smith was a dream6 ,can you conceive my relief8 ,we had dinner4 ,eva ate more than she had done for a long time4 ,we had a long talk with her mother after dinner2 then ,i went up to the sick-room and stayed an hour or so2 then had a call2 then ran out to carry a book to a widowed lady1 that ,i hoped would comfort her2 then home1 and with ,eva till tea-time4 ,then had some comfort in laying all these cares and interests in those loving ,arms that are always so ready to take them in4 ,i enjoy praying in the morning best1 however--perhaps because less tired2 but sometimes ,i think it is owing to a sort of night-preparation for it2 ,i mean1 in the wakeful times of night and early morning4 ,wednesday1 #agth--,while ,i was writing the above all the ,brooklyn ,prentisses went to bed1 and we ,new ,york ,prentisses went to the ,sunday- school rooms next door to a church-gathering4 ,there are three rooms that can be thrown together1 and they were bright and fragrant with flowers1 most of which the young men sent me afterwards1 exquisite things4 ,i had a precious talk with ,dr4 ,abbot1 one of whose feet1 to say the least1 is already on the topmost round4 ,i only wish he was a woman4 ,the church was open1 and we all went in and listened to some fine music4 ,coming out ,i said to a gentleman who approached me1 ,how is little baby8 ,which little baby8 ,why1 the youngest4 ,oh1 we haven't any baby4 ,and lo6 ,i had mistaken my man6 ,imagine how he felt and how ,i felt6 ,we got home at eleven ,p4,m41 and so ended my day of rest4 ,i have #edj things to say1 but there is so much going on that ,i shall defraud you of them--aren't you glad8 ,have you read the ,gates ,ajar8 ,i have1 with real pain4 ,i do not think you will be so shocked at it as ,i am1 but hope you don't like it4 ,it is full of talent1 but has next to no ,christ in it1 and my heaven is full of ,him4 ,i have finished ,faber4 ,how queer he is with his #c's and #e's and #f's and #g's6 ,i feel all done up into little sums in addition1 and that's about all ,i know of myself--he's bewildered me so4 ,there are fine things in it1 and ,i took the liberty of making a wee cross against some of them1 which you can rub out4 ,miss ,l4 sent me another of his books1 which ,i am reading now--,all for ,jesus4 ,to ,mrs4 ,henry ,b4 ,smith1 ,new ,york1 ,march #bb1 #ahfi ,we were gladdened early this morning by the arrival of your letter1 and the good news it contained4 ,i had a dreadful fright on the day you reached ,southampton4 ,mr4 ,moore sent up a cable dispatch announcing the fact1 and as it came directed to both of us1 and ,i supposed it to be from you1 ,i thought some terrible thing had happened4 ,i paraded down to ,m4 with your letter1 and she1 at the same time1 paraded up here with the one to her and the rest4 ,so we got all the news there was1 and longed for more4 ,i hope the worst is now over4 ,i have just got home from a visit of four days and nights to ,miss ,lyman4 ,i enjoyed it exceedingly1 and wish ,i could tell you all about it1 but can't in a letter4 ,she has turns of looking absolutely aged1 and seems a good deal of the time in a perfect worry1 ,i don't know what about4 ,otherwise she is better than last summer4 ,i never saw her when at work before1 and perhaps she always appears so4 ,we had two or three good rousing laughs1 however1 and that did us both good4 ,i did not know she was so fond of flowers2 she buys them and keeps loads of them about her parlors1 library1 and bedroom4 ,what a world it is there6 ,i only wish she was happier in her work1 but perhaps if we could get behind the scenes1 we should find all human workers have their sorrows and misgivings and faintings4 ,according to her ,i had an inquiry meeting once or twice2 believe it if you can and dare4 ,it was certainly very pleasant to get into such an intelligent ,christian atmosphere1 and on the whole ,i've got rather converted to ,vassar4 ,i have been greatly delighted with a present of one of my father's cuff- buttons 7which ,i well remember71 and a lock of his hair4444 ,i haven't got anything more to say4 ,oh1 ,mrs4 ---- left that on her card here the other day1 and we called on her this afternoon4 ,what a jolly old lady she is6 ,of course1 anybody could believe in perfection who was as fat and well as she6 ,to ,mrs4 ,leonard1 ,new ,york1 ,april #e1 #ahfi ,if ,i should send you a letter every time ,i send you a thought1 you would be quite overwhelmed with them4 ,now that ,mrs4 ,s4 has gone away1 and some of my pressing cares are over1 ,i miss you more than ever4 ,we have had a good deal to sadden us this winter1 beginning with your sorrow1 which was also ours2 and ,eva ,p4's death1 occurring as it did in our house1 was a distressing one4 ,she was here about a fortnight1 and the first week came down to her meals1 though she kept in her room the rest of the time4 ,on ,tuesday night of the second week she was at the tea-table1 and played a duet with ,a4 after tea4 ,soon after she was taken with distress for breath1 and was never in bed again1 but sat nearly double in a chair1 with one of us supporting her head4 ,it was agonizing suffering to witness1 and the care of her was more laborious than anyone can conceive1 who did not witness or participate in it4 ,we had at last to have six on hand to relieve each other4 ,she died on ,saturday1 after four terrible days and nights4 ,we knew she would die here when they first proposed her coming1 but did not like to refuse her last desire1 and are very glad we had the privilege of ministering to her last wants4444 ,for you ,i desire but one thing--a full possession of ,christ4 ,let us turn away our eyes from everything that does not directly exalt ,him in our affections2 we are poor without ,him1 no matter what our worldly advantages are2 rich with ,him when stripped of all besides4 ,still ,i know you are passing through deep waters1 and at times must well nigh sink4 ,but your loving ,saviour will not let you sink1 and ,he never loved you so well as ,he does now4 ,how often ,i long to fly to you in your lonely hours6 ,but ,i can not1 and so ,i turn these longings into prayers4 ,i hope you pray for me1 too4 ,you could not give me anything ,i should value so much1 and it is a great comfort to me to know that you love me4 ,i care more to be loved than to be admired1 don't you8 ,i hope that by next winter you may feel that you can come and see us2 ,i want to see you1 not merely to write to you and get answers4 ,i send you a picture of our nest at ,dorset4 ,good-bye4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,april #bj1 #ahfi ,i opened your letter in the street1 and was at once confronted with a worldly-looking bit of silk6 ,how can you6 ,why don't you follow my example and dress in sackcloth and ashes8 ,i think however1 if you will be worldly you have done it very prettily1 and on the whole don't know that it is any wickeder than ,i have been in translating a dramatic poem in five acts from the ,german1 only you've got your dress done and ,i'm only half through my play2 and there's no knowing how bad ,i shall get before ,i am through4 ,i wonder if you are sitting by an open window1 as ,i am1 and roasting at that8 ,i had a drive with ,a4 and ,m4 through the ,park yesterday1 and saw stacks of hyacinths in bloom1 and tulips and violets and dandelions2 a willow-tree not far from my window has put on its tender green1 and summer seems close at hand4 ,i have been to an auction and got cheated1 as ,i might have known ,i should2 and the other day ,i had my pocket picked4 ,as to ,gates ,ajar1 most people are enchanted with it2 but ,miss ,lyman regards it as ,i do1 and so do some other elect ladies4 ,i have just written to see if she will come down and get a little rest1 now the weather is so fine4 ,mr4 ,p4 has gone to ,dorset to be gone all the week1 and ,i am buying up what is to be bought1 begrudging every cent6 mean wretch that ,i am4 ,i have looked through and read parts of ,patience ,strong's ,outings--an ugly title1 and a transcendental style1 but beautiful in conception1 and taken off the stilts1 in execution4 ,i do not like the cant of ,unitarians any better than they like ours1 but ,i like what is elevating in any sect4 ,i have had a present of a lot of table-linen1 towels1 etc41 for ,dorset1 and feel a good deal like a young housekeeper4 ,i wonder how soon you go back to ,northampton8 ,how queer it must be to be able to float round6 ,it is a pity you could not float to ,new ,york1 and get a good hugging from this old woman4 ,we expect #bej ministers here in ,may at general assembly 7,i ought to have spelt it with a big ,g and a big ,a74 ,my dear child1 what makes you get blue8 ,i don't much believe in any blue devils save those that live in the body and send sallies into the mind4 ,perhaps ,i should1 though1 if ,i had not a husband and children to look after2 how little one can judge for another6 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,how she earned her ,sleep4 ,writing for young ,converts about speaking the ,truth4 ,meeting of the ,general ,assembly in the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,reunion4 ,d4,d4s and ,strawberry ,short-cake4 ,enacting the ,tiger4 ,getting ready for ,dorset4 ,letters4 ,this year was one of the busiest of her life2 and it were hard to say which was busiest1 her body or mind2 her hand1 heart1 or brain4 ,this relentless activity was caused in part by the increasing difficulty of obtaining sleep4 ,incessant work seemed to be1 in her case1 a sort of substitute for natural rest and a solace for the loss of it4 ,she alludes to this constant struggle with insomnia in a letter to ,miss ,warner1 dated ,may #ith3 ,if you knew the whole story you would not envy my power of driving about so much4 ,you can lie down and sleep when you please2 ,i must earn my sleep by hard work1 which uses up so much time that ,i wonder ,i ever accomplish anything4 ,i believe that ,god arranges our various burdens and fits them to our backs1 and that ,he sets off a loss against a gain1 so that while some seem more favored than others1 the mere aspect deceives4 ,i have to make it my steady object throughout each day1 so to spend time and strength as to obtain sleep enough to carry me through the next2 it is thus ,i have acquired the habit of taking a large amount of exercise1 which keeps me out of doors when ,i am longing to be at work within4 ,you say ,i seem to be always in a flood of joy2 well1 that too is seems4 ,i think ,i know what joy in ,god means1 though perhaps ,i only begin to know2 but ,i am a weak creature2 ,i fall into snares and get entangled--not nearly so often as ,i used to do1 but still do get into them4 ,i have a perfect horror of them2 the thought of having anything come between ,god and my soul makes me so restless and uneasy that ,i hardly know which way to turn4 ,i have been very much absorbed of late in various interests1 and am sure they have contrived to occupy me too much2 pressing cares do sometimes1 and oh1 how ashamed ,i am6 ,do write for young inquirers1 if your heart prompts you to do it4 ,i don't know what to think of your suggestion that in writing for young converts ,i should impress it upon them to speak the truth4 ,it seems to me just like telling them not to commit murder2 and that would be absurd4 ,do ,christians cheat and tell lies8 ,i have a great aversion to writing about such things2 if children are not trained at home to be upright and full of integrity1 it can't be that books can rectify that loss4 ,you may reply that home-training is defective in thousands of cases2 yes1 that is true1 but ,i have a feeling that truth and honesty must spring from a soil early prepared for them1 and that a young person who is in the habit of falsehood is not a ,christian and needs to go back to first principles4 ,i can't endure subterfuges1 misrepresentation1 and the like2 the whole foundation looks wrong when people indulge themselves in them1 and to say to a ,christian1 ,i hope you are truthful1 is to my mind as if ,i should say to him1 ,i hope you wash your face and hands every day4 ,now if your observation says ,i am wrong1 let's know2 ,i am open to conviction4 ,to ,mrs4 ,h4 ,b4 ,smith1 ,new ,york1 ,may #bd1 #ahfi4 ,it has just come to me that the true way to enjoy writing and to have you enjoy hearing1 is to keep a sort of journal1 where little things will have a chance to speak for themselves4 ,we are now in the midst of ,general ,assembly4 ,mr4 ,stearns is here1 and we have sprinklings of ministers to dine and to tea at all sorts of odd hours4444 ,i can't help loving what is ,christlike in people1 whether ,i like their natural characters or not2 after all1 what else is there in the world worth much love8 ,my ,katy seems to be ploughing her way with more or less success1 and making friends and foes4 ,you1 who helped me fashion her1 would be interested in the letters ,i get from wives1 showing that the want of demonstration in men is a wide-spread evil1 under which women do groan being burdened4 ,entre nous1 ,mrs4 ,dr4 ---- is one1 and ,i got a letter to-day from ,michigan to the same effect4 ,we are having delightful weather for the meetings4 ,yesterday morning ,dr4 ,john ,hall preached in our church1 and it was crammed full to ,overflowing4444 ,lew4 ,s4 #c has decided to study theology4 ,we are all glad4 ,he and ,i have got quite acquainted of late and talk most learnedly together4 ,did ,i tell you ,i have translated a ,german dramatic poem in five acts8 ,miss ,anna ,nevins says ,i have done it extremely well4 ,i don't know about that1 but my whole soul got into it somehow1 and ,i did not know whether ,i was in the body or out of it for two or three weeks4 ,i wish ,i could do things decently and in order4 ,there is to be a great party at ,apollo ,hall this evening for both ,assemblies4 ,i am going and expect to get tired to death4 #bfth--,it was a brilliant scene at ,apollo ,hall4 ,everybody was there1 and the hall was finely adapted to the purpose of accommodating the #b1jjj people present4 ,the speeches were very poor4 ,i went to the prayer-meeting this morning4 ,the church was full1 galleries and all1 and the spirit was excellent4 ,many men shed tears in speaking for reunion1 and1 from what ,mr4 ,stearns reports of the meeting of the ,committee last night1 union may be considered as good as restored4 ,you will hear nothing else from me2 it is all ,i hear talked about4 ,monday1 #cl4--,hot as need be4 ,dr4 ,b41 of ,brooklyn1 dined with us2 said he never ate strawberry short-cake before1 and was reading ,katy4 ,it is awful to think how many ,d4,d4s are doing it 7eating short-cake1 ,i mean1 of course67 ,hope the ,assembly will wind up to-night4 ,june #e4--,we are so glad you have got to ,la ,tour and find it so pleasant there1 and that you have met ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,guthrie1 and that they have met you instead of the blowsy-towsy ,american women1 who make one so ashamed of them4 ,if ,i wasn't going to ,dorset1 ,i should wish ,i were going where you are2 but then1 you see1 ,i am going to ,dorset6444 ,i have been to the ,central ,park with ,mrs4 ---1 who talked in one steady stream all the way4 ,i was sleepy and the carriage very noisy2 and take it altogether1 what a farce life is sometimes6 the intercourse of human beings outsides touching outsides1 the heart and soul lying to all intents and purposes as dead as a door-nail4 ,do you ever feel mentally and spiritually alone in the world8 ,perhaps everybody does4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,june #d1 #ahfi4 ,i concluded you had gone and died and got buried without letting me know1 when your letter reached me via ,dorset4 ,what possessed you to send it there when you knew1 you naughty thing6 that ,i was having ,general ,assembly1 ,i can't imagine2 but ,i suppose1 being a ,congregationalist1 you thought ,general ,assembly wasn't nothing1 and that ,i could entertain squads of ,d4,d4s for a fortnight more or less1 just as well at ,dorset as ,i could here4 ,my dear1 read the papers and go in the way you should go1 and behave yourself6 ,as if #bej ministers haven't worn streaks in the grass round the church1 haven't 7some of 'em7 been here to dinner and eaten my strawberry short-cake and cottage puddings and praised my coffee and drank two cups apiece all round1 and as if ,i hadn't been set up on end for those of 'em to look at who are reading ,katy1 and as if going furiously to work1 after they'd all gone1 didn't use me up and send me lopping down on sofas1 sighing like a what's-its-name4 ,well1 well2 the ignorance of you country folks and the wisdom of us city folks6 ,we hope to get to ,dorset by the #agth of this month2 it depends upon how many interruptions ,i have and how many days ,i have to lie by4 ,i can't imagine why ,i break down so1 for ,i don't know when ,i've been so well as during this spring2 but ,mr4 ,p4 and ,a4 say ,i work like a tiger1 and ,i s'pose ,i do without knowing it4 ,i am so glad you had a pleasant ,sunday4 ,no doubt you had more bodily strength with which to enjoy spiritual things4 ,a weak body hinders prayer and praise when the heart would sing1 if it were not in fetters that cramp and exhaust it4 ,monday--,to-day ,i have been enacting the tiger again1 and worked furiously4 ,a4 half scolds and half entreats1 but ,i can't help it2 if ,i work ,i work1 and so there it is4 ,i have bought a dinner-set1 and had a long visit from my old ,mary1 who wept over and kissed me1 and am going out to call on ,mrs4 ,woolsey this evening4 ,to-morrow ,a4's scholars are to come and make an address to her and give her a picture4 ,she is not to know it till they arrive4 ,it is really cold after the very hot weather1 and some are freezing and some have internal pains4 ,i wish you could have seen me this forenoon at work in the attic--a mass of dust1 feathers1 and perplexity4 ,i got hold of one of my ,john's innumerable trunks of papers1 and found among them the ,,mss4 of several of my books laid up in lavender1 which ,i pitched into the ash-barrel4 ,i suppose he thinks ,i may distinguish myself some time1 and that the discerning world will be after a scratch of my gifted pen6 ,have you read ,gates ,off the ,hinges8 ,the next thing will be1 ,there ,aint no ,gates4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,the new ,home in ,dorset4 ,what it became to her4 ,letters from there4 ,a notable incident of this year was the entering upon housekeeping at ,dorset under her own roof4 ,as is usual in such cases1 the process was somewhat wearisome and trying1 but the result was most happy4 ,all the bright anticipations1 with which the event had been so long looked forward to1 were more than realised4 ,for the next ten summers the ,dorset home was to her a sweet haven of rest from the agitations1 cares1 and turmoil of ,new ,york life4 ,it seemed at the time a venturesome1 almost a rash thing1 to build it2 but when she left it for her home above1 the building of the house seemed to have been an inspiration of ,providence4 ,while contributing greatly to her happiness1 it probably added several years to her life4 ,the four months which she passed each season at ,dorset were spent largely in the open air1 and in such varied and pleasant exercise as exerted the most healthful1 soothing influence upon both body and soul4 ,it was just this fruit her husband hoped might1 by the blessing of ,heaven1 blossom out of the new home1 and in later years he used often to say to her1 that if the place should be of a sudden annihilated1 he should still feel that it had paid for itself many times over4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,dorset1 ,july #ai1 #ahfi4 ,how many times during the last month ,i have been reminded of your saying you had lived through the agony of getting your house ready to rent4 ,i can sum up all ,i have been through by saying that almost everything has turned out the reverse of what ,i expected4 ,in the first place1 ,i broke down just as we were to start to come here1 and had to be left behind to pick up life enough to undertake the journey2 then the car we chartered did not get here for a week1 and nobody but ,a4 had anything to wear1 and all my flowers died for want of water4 ,the car1 too1 was broken into and my idols of tin pans all taken1 with some other things1 and when it did arrive it was unpacked1 and our goods brought here1 in a regular deluge1 the like of which has not been seen since the days of ,noah4 ,for days everything was in dire confusion2 but for all that our own home was delightful1 and we had the most outrageous appetites you ever heard of4 ,george is in ecstasies with his house1 his land1 his pig1 and his horse4444 ,i hope you are not sick and tired of all this rigmarole2 it isn't in human nature to move into a house of its own and talk of anything else4 ,i got a warm-hearted letter a few days ago from the city of ,milwaukee1 from an unknown western sister1 beginning1 ,whom not having seen ,i love1 and going on to say that ,katy describes herself and her lot exactly1 only she had no ,martha on hand4 ,i get so many such testimonies4 ,i am going to spare your eyes and brains by winding up this epistle and going to bed4 ,i do not think your husband ought to come home till he has recovered his power of sleeping4 ,i know how to pity him1 if anybody does1 and ,i know how loss of sleep cripples4 ,good-night1 dear child4 ,god bless me and my wife2 ,you and your wife1 ,us four ,and no more4 ,to ,mrs4 ,leonard1 ,dorset1 ,august #c1 #ahfi4 ,your last letter endeared you to me more than ever1 and ,i have longed to answer it1 but we have been in such a state of confusion that writing has been a task4 ,the whole house has been painted inside and out since we entered it1 and ,i dare say you know what endless uproar the flitting from room to room to accommodate painters1 causes4 ,we have just been admitted to our parlor1 but it is in no order1 and the dining-room is still piled with trunks4 ,but the house is lovely1 and we shall feel well repaid for the severe labor it has cost us1 when it is done and we can settle down in it4 ,i write to ask you to send me by express what numbers of ,stepping ,heavenward you have on hand4 ,i would not give you the trouble to do this if ,i could get them in any other way1 but ,i can not1 as all back numbers are gone1 and the copy ,i have has been borrowed and worn1 so as to be illegible in many places4 ,randolph is to publish the work and says he wants it soon4 ,i am constantly receiving testimonies as to its usefulness1 and hope it will do good to many who have not seen it in the ,advance4 ,how ,i do long to see you6 ,i think of you many times every day1 and thank ,god that ,he enables you to glorify ,him in bearing your great sorrow4 ,sometimes ,i feel as if ,i must see ,mr4 ,l4's kind face once more1 but ,i remind myself that by patiently waiting a little while1 ,i shall see it and the faces of all the sainted ones who have gone before4 ,next to faith in ,god comes patience2 ,i see that more and more1 and few possess enough of either to enable them to meet the day of bereavement without dismay4 ,we are constantly getting letters from afflicted souls that can not see one ray of light1 and keep reiterating1 ,i am not reconciled4 ,how fearful it must be to kick thus against the pricks1 already sharp enough6 ,i believe fully with you that there is no happiness on earth1 as there is none in heaven1 to be compared with that of losing all things to possess ,christ4 ,i look back to two points in my life as standing out from all the rest of it as seasons of peculiar joy1 and they are the points where ,i was crushed under the weight of sorrow4 ,how wonderful this is1 how incomprehensible to those who have not learned ,christ6 ,do write me oftener2 you are very dear to me1 and your letters always welcome4 ,i love you for magnifying the ,lord in the midst of your distress2 you could not get so into my heart in any other way4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,dorset1 ,august #h1 #ahfi4 ,half of your chickens are safely here1 well and bright1 and settled ,i hope1 for the summer4 ,a41 and ,m41 who seems as joyous as a lark1 are like ,siamese twins1 with the advantage of untying at night and sleeping in different beds4 ,i have not been well1 and did not go to church to-day2 but ,prof4 ,robinson of ,rochester1 ,n4 ,y41 preached a very superior sermon1 ,george says4 ,they have gone to our woods together4 ,we took tea a few nights ago at the ,pratts1 being invited to meet him and ,mrs4 ,r4 ,they asked many questions about you and your husband4 ,we find the ,pratts charming neighbors in their way1 modest1 kind1 and good4 ,they take the ,advance1 read ,katy1 and like it4 ,aug4 #bast--,as we have only had sixteen in our family of late1 ,i have not had much to do4 ,yesterday we made up a party to the quarry and had just got seated1 twenty-nine in all1 to eat a very nice dinner1 when it began to rain in floods4 ,each grabbed his plate1 if he could1 and rushed to a blacksmith's shop not far off2 twenty or thirty workmen rushed there too1 and there we were1 cooped up in the dirt1 to finish our meal as we best could4 ,it soon stopped pouring and we had a delightful drive home4 ,mr4 ,b4 ,f4 ,b41 with two of his boys1 was with us4 ,he is charmed with our house and its views4 ,katy has made her last appearance in the ,advance1 but ,i keep getting letters about her from all quarters1 and the editors say they have had hundreds4 #d ,h4 has caught up with ,hal and they are exactly of a height1 and ,i feel as if ,i had a dear little pair of twins4 ,last ,sunday evening the three boys laid their heads in my lap together1 all alike content4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,return to ,town4 ,domestic ,changes4 ,letters4 ,my ,heart sides with ,god in everything4 ,visiting among the ,poor4 ,conflict isn't ,sin4 ,publication of ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,her ,misgivings about it4 ,how it was received4 ,reminiscences by ,miss ,eliza ,a4 ,warner4 ,letters4 ,the ,rev4 ,wheelock ,craig4 ,early in ,october she returned to town and began to make ready for the departure of her eldest daughter to ,europe1 where she was to pass the next year with the family of ,prof4 ,smith4 ,the younger children had thus far been taught by their sister1 and her leaving home was fraught with no little trial both to them and to the mother4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,new ,york1 ,october #ab4 ,i can fully sympathise with the sad toss you are in about staying abroad another year1 but we feel that there is no doubt you have decided wisely and well4 ,but the bare mention of your settling down at ,vevay has driven us all wild4 ,what hallucination could you have been laboring under8 ,why1 your husband would go off the handle in a week6 ,to be sure it is beautiful for situation as ,mount ,zion itself1 but one can't live on beauty2 one must have life and action1 and stimulus2 in other words1 human beings4 ,they're all horrid 7except you71 but we can't do without 'em4 ,what ,i went through at lonely ,genevrier6 ,oh ,solitude1 where are the charms ,that sages have seen in thy face6 ,we took it for granted that you would settle in some ,german city1 near old friends2 it is true1 they mayn't be all you want1 but anything is better than nothing1 and you would stagnate and moulder all away at ,vevay4 ,what is there there8 ,why1 a lake and some mountains1 and you can't spend a year staring at them4 ,well1 ,i dare say light will be let in upon you4 ,i hope ,a4 will behave herself2 you must rule it over her with a rod of iron 7as if you could671 and make her stand round4 ,her going plunges us into a new world of care and anxiety and tribulation2 we have thrust our children out into1 or on to1 the great ocean1 and are about ready to sink with them4 ,if ,i could sit down and cry1 it would do me lots of good1 but ,i can't4 ,then how am ,i to spare my twin-boy1 and my ,a4 and my ,m48 ,who is to keep me well snubbed8 ,who is to tell me what to wear8 ,who is to keep ,darby and ,joan from settling down into two fearful old pokes8 ,your husband suggests that if ,i have a husband1 etc4 ,i have had one with a vengeance4 ,he has worked like seventeen mad dogs all summer1 and ,i have hardly laid eyes on him4 ,when ,i have1 it has been to fight with him2 he would come in with a hoe or a rake or a spade in his hand1 and find me with a broom1 a shovel1 or a pair of tongs in mine1 and without a word we would pitch in and have an encounter4 ,of all the aggravating creatures1 hasn't he been aggravating6 ,sometimes ,i thought he had run raving distracted1 and sometimes ,i dare say1 he thought ,i had gone melancholy mad4 ,he persists to this day that the work did him good1 and that he enjoyed his summer4 ,well1 maybe he did2 ,i suppose he knows4 ,how glad ,i am for you that you are to have the children go to you4 ,it seems to be exactly the right thing4 ,i hope to get a copy of ,katy to send by the girls1 but can't think of anything else4 ,as ,a4 is to be where you are1 you will probably be kept well posted in the doings of our family4 ,i do hope she will not be a great addition to your cares1 but have some misgivings as to the effect so long absence from home may have upon her4 ,what a world this is for shiftings and siftings6 ,to ,g4 ,s4 ,p4 ,october1 #ahfi4 ,i always thought ,george ,mc,donald a little audacious1 though ,i like him in the main4 ,there is a fallacy in this cavil1 you may depend4 ,some years ago1 when ,i was a little befogged by plausible talk1 ,dr4 ,skinner came to our house1 got into one of his best moods1 and preached a regular sermon on the glory of ,god1 that set me all right again4 ,i am not skilled in argument1 but my heart sides with ,god in everything1 and my conception of ,his character is such a beautiful one that ,i feel that ,he can not err4 ,i do not like the expression1 ,he's aye thinking about his own glory 7,i quote from memory72 it belittles the real fact1 and almost puts the ,supreme ,being on a level with us poor mortals4 ,the more time we spend upon our knees1 in real communion with ,god1 the better we shall comprehend ,his wonderful nature1 and how impossible it is to submit that nature to the rules by which we judge human beings4 ,every turn in life brings me back to this--more prayer4444 ,i shall go with much pleasure to see ,mrs4 ,g4 and may ,god give me some good word to say to her4 ,i almost envy you your sphere of usefulness1 but unless ,i give up mine1 can not get fully into it4 ,i want you to know that next to being with my ,saviour1 ,i love to be with ,his sufferers2 so that you can be sure to remember me1 when you have any on your heart4444 ,p4 ,s4 ,i have hunted up ,mrs4 ,g4 and had such an interesting talk with her that she has hardly been out of my mind since4 ,it is a very unusual case1 and the fact that her husband is a ,jew1 and loves her with such real romance1 is an obstacle in her way to ,christ4 ,when you can get a little spare time ,i wish you would run in and let us talk her case over4 ,i'm ever so glad that ,i'm growing old every day1 and so becoming better fitted to be the dear and loving friend to young people ,i want to be4 ,i wish we both loved our ,saviour better1 and could do more for ,him4 ,the days in which ,i do nothing specifically for ,him seem such meagre1 such lost days4 ,you seemed to think1 the last time ,i saw you1 that you were not so near ,him as you were last year4 ,i think we can't always know our own state4 ,it does not follow that a season of severe conflict is a sign of estrangement from ,god4 ,perhaps we are never dearer to ,him than when we hate ourselves most1 and fancy ourselves intolerable in ,his sight4 ,conflict isn't sin4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,october #aa1 #ahfi4 ,i hear with great concern that ,miss ,lyman's health is so much worse1 that she is about to leave ,vassar4 ,is this true8 ,i can not say ,i should be very sorry if ,i should hear she was going to be called up higher4 ,it seems such a blessed thing to finish up one's work when the ,master says we may1 and going to be with ,him4 ,i can fully sympathise with the feeling that made ,mrs4 ,graham say1 as she closed her daughter's eyes1 ,i wish you joy1 my darling6 ,but ,i should want to see her before she went2 that would be next best to seeing her after she got back4 ,if you meet with a dear little book called ,the ,melody of the #bc;d ,psalm1 do read it2 it is by ,miss ,anna ,warner1 and shows great knowledge of1 and love for1 the ,bible4 ,in a few weeks ,i shall be able to send you a copy of ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,we have been home rather more than a week and the house is all upside down1 outwardly and inwardly4 ,for ,a4 sails for ,europe on the #bast with ,m4 and ,hal ,smith1 to be gone a year1 and this involves sending the other children to school1 and various trying changes of the sort4 ,tossing my long sheltered lambs into the world has cost me inexpressible pain2 only a mother can understand how much and why2 and they1 on their part1 go into it shrinking and quivering in every nerve4 ,to their father1 as well as to me1 this has been a time of sore trial1 and we are doing our best to keep each other up amid the discouragements and temptations that confront us4 ,for each new phase of life brings more or less of both4 ,stepping ,heavenward was published toward the end of ,october1 having appeared already as a serial in the ,chicago ,advance4 ,the first number of the serial was printed ,february #d1 #ahfi4 ,the work was planned and the larger part of it composed during the winter and spring of #ahfg-h4 ,referring more especially to this part of it1 she once said to a friend3 ,every word of that book was a prayer1 and seemed to come of itself4 ,i never knew how it was written1 for my heart and hands were full of something else4 ,by something else she had in mind the care of little ,francis4 ,the ensuing summer the manuscript was taken with her to ,dorset1 carefully revised and finished before her return to the city4 ,in revising it she had the advantage of suggestions made by her friends1 ,miss ,warner and ,miss ,lyman1 both of them ,christian ladies of the best culture and of rare good sense4 ,notwithstanding the favor with which the work had been received as issued in ,the ,advance1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss had great misgiving about its success--a misgiving that had haunted her while engaged in writing it4 ,but all doubt on the subject was soon dispelled3 ,the response to ,stepping ,heavenward was instant and general4 ,others of her books were enjoyed1 praised1 laughed over1 but this one was taken by tired hands into secret places1 pored over by eyes dim with tears1 and its lessons prayed out at many a ,jabbok4 ,it was one of those books which sorrowing1 ,mary-like women read to each other1 and which lured many a bustling ,martha from the fretting of her care-cumbered life to ponder the new lesson of rest in toil4 ,it was one of those books of which people kept a lending copy1 that they might enjoy the uninterrupted companionship of their own4 ,the circulation of the book was very large4 ,not to speak of the thousands which were sold here1 it went through numerous editions in ,england4 ,from ,england it passed into ,australia4 ,it fell into the family of an afflicted ,swiss pastor1 and the comfort which it brought to that stricken household led to its translation into ,french by one of the pastor's daughters4 ,it passed through ,i know not how many editions in ,french4 #e ,in ,germany it came into the hands of an invalid lady who begged the privilege of translating it4 ,the first word of a favorite ,german hymn1 ,heavenward doth our journey tend2 ,we are strangers here on earth1 furnished the title for the ,german translation--,himmelan4 ,it appeared just after the ,french war1 and went as a comforter into scores of the homes which war had desolated1 and frequent testimony came back to her of the deep interest excited by the book1 and of the affectionate gratitude called out toward the author4 ,she seemed to have inspired her translator1 whose letters to her breathe the warmest affection and the most enthusiastic admiration4 ,it would be easy to fill up the time that remains with grateful testimonies to the work of this book4 ,from among a multitude ,i select only one3 ,a manufacturer in a ,new ,england town1 a stranger1 wrote to her expressing his high appreciation of the book1 and saying that he had four thousand persons in his employ1 and a circulating library of six thousand volumes for their use1 in which were two copies of ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,he adds1 ,i hear in every direction of the good it is doing1 and a wealthy friend has written to me saying that she means to put a copy into the hand of every bride of her acquaintance4 #f ,several chapters might be filled with letters received by ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 expressing the gratitude of the writers for the spiritual help and comfort ,stepping ,heavenward had given them4 ,these letters came from all parts of this country1 from ,europe1 and even from the ends of the earth2 and they were written by persons belonging to every class in society4 ,among them was one1 written on coarse brown grocery paper1 from a poor crippled boy in the interior of ,pennsylvania1 which she especially prized4 ,it led to a friendly correspondence that continued for several years4 ,the book was read with equal delight by persons not only of all classes1 but of all creeds also2 by ,calvinists1 ,arminians1 ,high ,churchmen1 ,evangelicals1 ,unitarians1 and ,roman ,catholics4 #g ,it was1 however1 wholly unnoticed by most of the organs of literary opinion in this country2 although abroad it attracted at once the attention of men and women well known in the world of letters1 and was praised by them in the highest terms4 #h ,miss ,eliza ,a4 ,warner1 in the following ,reminiscences1 gives some interesting incidents in reference to ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,that summer in ,dorset--the summer of #ahfh--;is one full of bright and pleasant memories which it is delightful to recall4 ,i had heard much of ,mrs4 ,prentiss from mutual friends1 and been exceedingly interested in her books1 so that when ,i found we were to be fellow-boarders for the summer ,i was greatly pleased2 yet ,i felt a little shy at meeting one of whose superiority in many lines ,i had heard so much4 ,how well ,i remember that bright morning in ,july on which we first met on our way to the breakfast-table6 ,i can hear now the frank1 cheery voice with which she greeted me1 and see her large dark eyes1 so full of animation and kindly interest1 which a moment after sparkled with fun as she recalled an old joke familiar to my friends1 and1 it seemed1 to her also4 ,i was put at my ease at once1 and from that moment onward felt the wonderful fascination of a manner so peculiarly her own2 it was a frank1 whole-souled1 sincere manner1 with a certain indescribable piquancy and sprightliness blending with the earnestness which made her very individual and very charming4 ,for the next two months we were a good deal together4 ,i think it was a very happy summer to her4 ,you were building the house in ,dorset for a summer home1 and the planning for this and watching its progress was a pleasant occupation4 ,and she was such an enthusiastic lover of nature that the out-of-door life she led was a constant enjoyment4 ,she would spend hours rambling in the woods1 collecting ferns1 mosses1 trailing vines1 and every lovely bit of blossom and greenery that met her eye--and nothing pretty escaped it--and there was always an added freshness and brightness in her face when she came home laden with these treasures1 and eager to exhibit them4 ,oh1 you don't go crazy over such things as ,i do1 she would say as she held them up for our admiration4 ,she filled her room with these woodland beauties1 and pressed quantities of them to carry to her city home4 ,in that beautiful valley among the ,green ,mountains1 some of whose near summits rise to the height of three thousand feet1 her enthusiasm for fine scenery had full scope4 ,she would watch with delight the sunset glow as it spread and deepened along those mountain peaks1 suffusing them with a glory which we likened to that of the ,new ,jerusalem2 and as we sat and watched this glory slowly fade1 tint by tint1 into the gray twilight1 her talk would be of heaven and holiness and ,christ4 ,whatever she felt1 she felt intensely1 and she threw her whole heart and soul into all she said or did2 this was one great secret of the power of her personal presence2 she felt so keenly herself1 she made others feel4 ,those summer days were long and bright and beautiful1 but none too long for her4 ,she was one of the most industrious persons ,i have ever known1 and her writing1 reading and sewing1 and the care of her children1 over the formation of whose characters she watched closely and wisely1 occupied every moment of her time1 except when she was out of doors1 trying by exercise in the open air to secure a good night's sleep2 not an easy thing for her to do in those days4 ,early in ,august we were joined by ,miss ,hannah ,lyman1 of ,vassar ,college1 a mutual friend and a most delightful addition to our little party4 ,we knew ,mrs4 ,prentiss spent a part of every day in writing1 but she said nothing of the nature of her work4 ,do you remember coming into the parlor one morning1 where ,miss ,lyman and ,i were sitting by ourselves1 and telling us that she was writing a story1 but had become so discouraged she threatened to throw it aside as not worth finishing8 ,i like it myself1 you added1 it really seems to me one of the best things she has ever written1 and ,i am trying to get her to read it to you and see what you think of it4 ,of course1 both ,miss ,lyman and myself were eager to hear it1 and promised to tell her frankly how we liked it4 ,the next morning she came to our room with a little green box in her hand1 saying1 with her merry laugh1 ,now you've got to do penance for your sins1 you two wicked women6 and1 sitting down by the window1 while we took our sewing1 she began to read us in manuscript the work which was destined to touch and strengthen so many hearts--which1 to use the words of another1 has become a part of the soul-history of many thousands of ,christian women--young and old--at home and abroad4 ,it was a rare treat to listen to it1 with comments from her interspersed2 some of them droll and witty1 others full of profound religious feeling4 ,now and then1 as we queried if something was not improbable or unnatural1 she would give us bits of history from her own experience or that of her friends1 going to show that stranger things had occurred in real life4 ,i need not say we insisted on its being finished1 feeling sure it would do great good2 though ,i must confess that ,i do not think either of us1 much as we enjoyed it1 was fully aware of its great merits4 ,i was much impressed by her singleness of purpose2 her one great desire so evidently being that her writings should help others to know and to love ,christ and ,his truth1 that she thought little or nothing of her own reputation4 ,she went on with her work1 occasionally reading to us what she had added4 ,in those days she always spoke of it as her ,katy book1 no other title having been given to it4 ,but one morning she came to the breakfast-table with her face all lighted up4 ,i've got a name for my book1 she exclaimed2 it came to me while ,i was lying awake last night4 ,you know ,wordsworth's ,stepping ,westward8 ,i am going to call it ,stepping ,heavenward--don't you like it8 ,i do4 ,we all felt it was exactly the right name1 and she added1 ,i think ,i will put in ,wordsworth's poem as a preface4 ,of the heart-communings on sacred things that made that summer so memorable to me ,i can not speak2 and yet1 more than anything else1 these gave a distinctive character to our intercourse4 ,her faith and love were so ardent and persuading1 so much a part of herself1 that no one could be with her without recognising their power over her life4 ,she was interested in everything about her1 without a particle of cant1 full of playful humor and bright fancies2 but the love of ,christ was the absorbing interest of her life--almost a passion1 it might be called1 so fervent and rapturous was her devotion to ,him1 so great her longing for communion with ,him and for a more complete conformity to ,his perfect will4 ,as ,i have said1 all her emotions were intense and her religious affections had the same warmth and glow4 ,believing in ,christ was to her not so much a duty as the deepest joy of her life1 heightening all other joys1 and she was not satisfied until her friends shared with her in this experience4 ,she believed it to be attainable by all1 founded on a complete submitting of the human to the ,divine will in all things1 great and small4 ,truly of her it might be said1 if of any human being1 she hath loved much4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,new ,york1 ,nov4 #af1 #ahfi4 ,your arrangements at ,heidelberg seem to me to be as delightful as anything can be in a world where nothing is ideal4 ,be sure to let ,a4 bear her full share of the expense1 and be a mother to her if you can4 ,the gayest outside life has an undertone of sadness1 and ,i do not doubt she will have hours of unrest which she will hardly know how to account for4 ,i am afraid ,heidelberg will be rather narrow bounds for your husband1 and hope he may decide to go to ,egypt in case his ear gets quite well4 ,how fortunate that he is near a really good aurist4 ,i am always nervous about ear-troubles4 ,fancy your having to shout your love to him6 ,in a letter written about two weeks ago1 ,miss ,lyman says1 ,how am ,i8 ,longing for a corner in which to stop trying to live1 and lie down and die1 and adds that she is now too feeble to travel4 ,i suppose she is liable to break down at any moment1 but ,i do hope she won't be left to go abroad4 ,i judge from what you say of ,mr4 ,h4 that he is slipping off4 ,i always look at people who are going to heaven with a sort of curiosity and envy2 it is next best to seeing one who has just come thence4 ,get all the good out of him you can2 there is none too much saintliness on earth4 ,i wonder how you spend your time8 ,do1 some time1 write the history of one day2 what you said to that funny cook1 and what she said to you2 what you thought and what you did2 and what you didn't think and didn't did4 ,friday1 #aith4--,thanksgiving has come and gone beautifully4 ,it was a perfect day as to weather4 ,our congregation joined ,dr4 ,murray's1 and he gave us an excellent sermon4 ,the four ,stearnses came in to dinner and seemed to enjoy it4 ,i suppose you all celebrated the day in ,yankee fashion and got up those abominations--mince pies4 ,when ,i told ,l4 about ----'s fourth marriage1 he said it reminded him of a place he had seen1 where a man lay buried in the midst of a lot of women1 the sole inscription on his gravestone being ,our ,husband4 ,mrs4 ---- says the tiffs between my ,katy and her husband are exactly like those she had with hers1 and ,mrs4 ---- said very much the same thing--after hearing which1 ,i gave up4 ,tell ,a4 ,i had a call yesterday from ,mrs4 ,s----1 who came to town to spend ,thanksgiving at her father's1 and fell upon my neck and ate me up three several times4 ,i tell you what it is1 it's nice to have people love you1 whether you deserve it or not1 and this warm-hearted1 enthusiastic creature really did me good4 ,dr4 ,skinner sent us an extraordinary book to read called ,god's ,furnace4 ,there is a good deal of egotism in it and self-consciousness1 and a good deal of genuine ,christian experience4 ,i read it through four times1 and1 when ,i carried it back and was discussing it with him1 he said he had too4 ,it seems almost incredible that a wholly sanctified character could publish such a book1 made up as it is of the author's own letters and journal and most sacred joys and sorrows2 but perhaps when ,i get sanctified ,i shall go to printing mine--it really seems to be a way they have4 ,the ,hitchcocks sailed yesterday1 and it must have cheered them to set forth on so very fine a day4 ,give my love to everybody straight through from ,hal up to your husband and ,mr4 ,h4 ,later4--,of course1 my letters to ,a4 are virtually to you1 too1 as far as you can be interested in the little details of which they are made up4 ,randolph showed ,george a letter about ,katy1 which he says beats anything we have heard yet1 which is saying a good deal4 ,one lady said ,earnest was exactly like her husband1 another that he was painfully so2 indeed1 many sore hearts are making such confessions4 ,so ,i begin to think there is even more sorrowfulness and unrest in the world than ,i thought there was4 ,you would get sick unto death of the book if ,i should tell a quarter of what we hear about it1 good and bad4 ,it quite refreshed me to hear that a young lady wanted to punch me4 ,craig's ,life is very touching4 ,his delight in ,christ and in close fellowship with ,him is beautiful2 but it is painful to see that dying man wandering about ,europe alone1 when he ought to have been breathing out his life in the arms he loved so well4 ,how did poor ,mrs4 ,c4 live through the week of suspense that followed the telegram announcing his illness8 for one must love such a man very deeply1 ,i think4 ,well1 he doesn't care now where he died or when1 and he has gone where he belonged4 ,i miss you all ever so much1 and ,george keeps up one constant howl for your husband4 ,it is a mystery to me what any of you find in my letters1 they do seem so flat to me4 ,what fun it would be if you would all write me a round letter6 ,i would write a rouser for it4 ,lots of love4 ,the ,rev4 ,wheelock ,craig1 whose ,life is referred to by ,mrs4 ,prentiss in the preceding letter1 was her husband's successor in the pastorate of the ,south ,trinitarian church1 ,new ,bedford4 #i 99 99 99 99 99 ,v4 ,recollections by ,mrs4 ,henry ,b4 ,smith4 ,the following ,recollections from the pen of ,mrs4 ,smith may fitly close the present chapter3 ,,northampton1 ,january #b1 #ahgi4 ,,my ,,dear ,,dr4 ,,prentiss3--,i have been trying this beautiful snowy day1 which shuts us in to our own thoughts1 to recall some of my impressions of your dear wife1 but ,i find it very difficult2 there was such variety to her1 and so much of her1 and the things which were most characteristic are so hard to be described4 ,i read ,stepping ,heavenward in ,,ms4 before we went to ,europe in #ahfi4 ,i remember she used to say that ,i was ,katy's ,aunt1 because we talked her over with so much interest4 ,she sent me a copy to ,heidelberg1 where ,i began at once translating it into ,german as my regular exercise4 ,i was delighted to give my copy to ,mrs4 ,prof4 ,k4 in ,leipsic1 as the ,american story which ,i was willing to have her translate into ,german1 as she had asked for one4 ,there is no need of telling you about the enthusiasm which the book created4 ,women everywhere said1 ,it seems to be myself that ,i am reading about2 and the feeling that they1 too1 with all their imperfections1 might be really stepping heavenward1 was one great secret of its inspiration4 ,one little incident may interest you4 ,my niece1 ,mrs4 ,prof4 ,emerson1 was driving alone toward ,amherst1 and took into her carriage a poor colored woman who was walking the same way4 ,the woman soon said1 ,i have been thinking a good deal of you1 ,mrs4 ,e41 and of your little children1 and ,i have been reading a book which ,i thought you would like4 ,it was something about walking towards heaven4 ,was it ',stepping ,heavenward'8 ,yes1 that was it4 ,how naturally1 modestly1 almost indifferently1 she received the tributes which poured in upon her6 ,yet1 though she cared little for praise1 she cared much for love1 and for the consciousness that she was a helper and comforter to others4 ,on reading the book again this last summer1 ,i was struck by seeing how true a transcript of herself1 in more than one respect1 was given in ,katy4 ,why can not ,i make a jacket for my baby without throwing into it the ardor of a soldier going into battle8 ,how ardently she threw herself into everything she did6 ,in friendship and love and religion this outpouring of herself was most striking4 ,her earlier books she always read or submitted to me in manuscript1 and she showed so little self-interest in them1 and ,i so much1 that they seemed a sort of common property4 ,i think that ,i had quite as much pleasure in their success and far more pride1 than herself4 ,the ,susy books ,i always considered quite as superior in their way as ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,they are still peerless among books for little children4 ,henry and ,bessie1 too1 contains some of the most beautiful religious teaching ever written4 ,fred and ,maria and ,me she used to talk about almost as if ,i had written it1 for no other reason than that ,i liked it so much4 ,my sister says that her daughter ,nettie read ,little ,susy through twelve times1 getting up to read it before breakfast4 ,she printed 7before she could write7 a little letter of thanks to your wife1 who sent her the following pretty note in reply3 ,,new ,,york1 ,january #aj1 #ahed4 ,,my ,,dear ,,nettie3--,what a nice little letter you wrote me6 ,it pleased me very much4 ,i shall keep it in my desk1 and when ,i am an old woman1 ,i shall buy a pair of spectacles1 and sit down in the chimney-corner1 and read it4 ,when you learn to write with your own little fingers1 ,i hope you will write me another letter4 ,your friend1 with love1 ,,aunt ,,susan4 ,she did nothing for effect1 and made little or no effort merely to please2 she was almost too careless of the impression which she made upon others1 and1 on this account1 strangers sometimes thought her cold and unsympathetic4 ,but touch her at the right point and the right moment1 and there was no measure to her interest and warmth4 ,she hated all pretense and display1 and the slightest symptom of them in others shut her up and kept her grave and silent1 and this1 not from a severe or ,pharisaic spirit1 but because the atmosphere was so foreign to her that she could not live in it4 ,i pity people that have any sham about them when ,i am by1 she said one day4 ,i am dreadfully afraid of young ladies1 she said at another time4 ,she could not adapt herself to the artificial and conventional4 ,yet with young ladies who loved what she loved she was peculiarly free and playful and forth-giving1 and such were among her dearest and most lovingly admiring friends4 ,when we met1 there were no preliminaries2 she plunged at once into the subject which was interesting her1 the book1 the person1 the case of sickness or trouble1 the plan1 the last shopping1 the game1 the garment1 the new preparation for the table--in a way peculiarly her own4 ,one could never be with her many minutes without hearing some bright fancy1 some quick stroke of repartee1 some ludicrous way of putting a thing4 ,but whether she told of the grumbler who could find nothing to complain of in heaven except that his halo didn't fit1 or said in her quick way1 when the plainness of a lady's dress was commended1 ,why1 ,i didn't suppose that anybody could go to heaven now-a-days without an overskirt1 or wrote her sparkling impromptu rhymes for our children's games1 her mirth was all in harmony with her earnest life4 ,her quick perceptions1 her droll comparisons1 her readiness of expression1 united with her rare and tender sympathies1 made her the most fascinating of companions to both young and old4 ,our little ,saturday tear1 with our children1 while our husbands were at ,chi ,alpha1 were rare times4 ,my children enjoyed ,aunt ,lizzy almost as much as ,i did4 ,she was usually in her best mood at these times4 ,when you and ,henry came in1 on your return from ,chi ,alpha1 you looked in upon1 or1 rather1 you completed a happier circle than this impoverished earth can ever show us again4 ,her acquisitions were so rapid1 and she made so little show of them1 that one might have doubted their thoroughness1 who had no occasion to test them4 ,her beautiful translation of ,griselda was a surprise to many4 ,i remember her eager enthusiasm while translating it4 ,the writing of her books was almost an inspiration1 so rapid1 without copying1 almost without alteration1 running on in her clear1 pure style1 with here and there a radiant sparkle above the full depths4 ,it sometimes seemed as if she were interested only in those whom she knew she could benefit4 ,if so1 it was from her ever-present consciousness of a consecrated life4 ,she constantly sought for ways of showing her love to ,christ1 especially to ,his sick and suffering and sorrowing ones4 ,life with her was peculiarly intense and earnest2 she looked upon it more as a discipline and a hard path1 and yet no one had a quicker or more admiring eye for the flowers by the wayside4 ,i always thought that her great forte was the study of character4 ,she laid bare and dissected everybody1 even her nearest friends and herself1 to find what was in them2 and what she found1 reproduced in her books1 was what gave them their peculiar charm of reality4 ,the growth of the religious life in the heart was the one most interesting subject to her4 ,i never could fully understand the deep sadness which was the groundwork of her nature4 ,it certainly did not prevent the most intense enjoyment of her rich temporal and spiritual blessings1 while it indicated depths which her friends did not fathom4 ,it was partly constitutional1 doubtless1 and partly1 ,i suppose1 from her keener sensitiveness1 her larger grasp1 her stronger convictions1 her more vivid vision1 and more ardent desires4 ,even the glowing1 almost seraphic love of ,christ which was the chief characteristic of her later life was1 in her words1 but longing and seeking4 ,she was an exile yearning for her home1 stepping heavenward1 and knowing better than the rest of us what it meant4 ,these things come to me now1 and yet how much ,i have omitted--her industry so varied and untiring1 her generosity 7so many gifts of former days are around me now71 her interest in my children1 her delight in flowers and colors and all beautiful things1 her ready sympathy--but it is an almost inexhaustible subject4 ,she comes vividly before me now1 seated on the floor in her room1 with her work around her1 making something for such and such a person4 ,what the void in your life must be those who knew most of her manifold1 exalted1 inspiring life can but imagine4 ,nay1 ,hope may whisper with the dead ,by bending forward where they are2 ,but ,memory1 with a backward tread1 ,communes with them afar6 ,the joys we lose are but forecast1 ,and we shall find them all once more2 ,we look behind us for the past1 ,but1 lo6 'tis all before6 #a ,see ,memoir of ,s4 ,s4 ,prentiss1 edited by his ,brother1 and published by ,charles ,scribner's ,sons4 ,new ,edition4 #ahgi4 #b ,the following is part of the notice in the ,london ,daily ,news3 ,we are1 unfortunately1 ignorant of ,little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays1 but if that book be anything like as good as the charming volume before us by the same author1 ycleped ,little ,lou's ,sayings and ,doings1 it deserves an extraordinary popularity4444 ,little ,lou4 is one of the most natural stories in the world1 and reads more like a mother's record of her child's sayings and doings than like a fictitious narrative4 ,little ,lou1 be it remarked1 is a true baby throughout1 instead of being a precocious little prig1 as so many good children are in print4 ,the child's love for his mother and his mother's love for him is described in the prettiest way possible4 #c ,now ,professor of ,theology at ,bangor4 #d ,the following is an extract from a letter of one of the editors of ,the ,advance1 ,mr4 ,j4 ,b4 ,t4 ,marsh1 dated ,chicago1 ,august #aj1ahfi3--,you will notice that the story is completed this week2 ,i wish it could have continued six months longer4 ,i have several times been on the point of writing you to express my own personal satisfaction--and more than satisfaction--in reading it1 and to acquaint you with the great unanimity and volume of praise of it1 which has reached us from our readers4 ,i do not think anything since the ,national ,era and ',uncle ,tom's ,cabin' times has been more heartily received by newspaper readers4 ,i am sure it will have a great sale if rightly brought before the public4 ,a publisher from ,london was in our office the other day1 signifying a desire to make some arrangement to bring it out there4 ,i have heard almost no unfavorable criticism of the story--nothing which you could make serviceable in its revision4 ,i have heard ,dr4 ,p4 criticise ,ernest--of course the character and not your portrayal4 ,for myself ,i consider the character a natural and consistent one4 ,perhaps few men are found who are quite so blind to a wife's wants and yet so devoted1 but--,i don't know what the wives might say4 ,we have had hundreds of letters of which the expression has been1 ',we quarrel to see who shall have the first reading of the story4' ,i congratulate you most heartily upon its great success and the great good it has done and will yet do4 ,i think if you should ever come ,west my wife would overturn almost any stone for the sake of welcoming you to the hospitality of our cottage on the ,lake ,michigan shore4 #e ,marchant vers le ,ciel is the title of the ,french translation4 #f ,memorial discourse by the ,rev4 ,marvin ,r4 ,vincent1 ,d4,d4 #g ,the following is an extract from a letter1 dated ,new ,orleans1 and written after ,mrs4 ,prentiss' death3 ,we called one day to see a poor dressmaker who was dying of consumption4 ,she was an educated woman1 a devout ,roman ,catholic1 and a person whom we had long respected and esteemed for her integrity1 her love of independence1 and her extraordinary powers of endurance4 ,her husband1 a prosperous merchant1 had died suddenly1 and his affairs being mismanaged1 she was obliged1 although a constant invalid1 to earn a support for many years by the most unremitting labor4 ,we found her reading2 ',stepping ,heavenward1' which she spoke of in the warmest terms4 ,we told her about the authoress1 of her suffering from ill-health1 and of her recent death4 ,she listened eagerly and asked questions which showed the deepest interest in the subject4 ,soon after she left the city1 and a few weeks later we heard of her death4 #h ,one of them--said to have been an eminent ,german theologian--used this strong language respecting it3 ,schon manche gute1 edle1 segensreiche ,gabe ist uns aus ,nordamerika gekommen1 aber wir stehen nicht au1 diese als die beste zu bezeichnen unter allen1 die uns von dort zu ,gesichte gekommen4 #i ,see ,a ,memorial of the ,character1 ,work1 and ,closing ,days of ,rev4 ,wheelock ,craig1 ,new ,bedford4 ,mr4 ,craig was born in ,augusta1 ,maine1 ,july #aa1 #ahbd4 ,he entered ,bowdoin ,college in #ahci1 and was graduated with honor in the class of #ahdc4 ,he then entered the ,theological ,seminary at ,bangor1 where he graduated in #ahdg4 ,after preaching a couple of years at ,new ,castle1 ,me41 he accepted a call to ,new ,bedford1 and was installed there ,december #d1 #ahej4 ,in #ahei he received a call to the chair of ,modern ,languages in ,bowdoin ,college1 which he declined4 ,after an earnest and faithful ministry of more than seventeen years1 he went abroad for his health in ,may1 #ahfh4 ,he visited ,ireland1 ,england1 ,scotland1 and then passing over to the ,continent1 travelled through ,belgium1 ,holland1 ,switzerland1 and so southward as far as ,naples1 where he arrived the last of ,september4 ,here he was taken seriously ill1 and advised to hasten back to ,switzerland4 ,in great weakness he passed through ,rome1 ,florence1 ,turin1 ,geneva1 and reached ,neuchatel on the #dth of ,november in a state of utter exhaustion4 ,there1 encompassed by newly-made friends and tenderly cared for1 he gently breathed his last on the #bhth of ,november4 ,two names1 in particular1 deserve to be gratefully mentioned in connection with ,mr4 ,craig's last hours1 viz43 that of his countryman1 ,mr4 ,w4 ,c4 ,cabot1 and that of the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,godet1 of ,neuchatel4 ,of the former he said the day before his death3 ,he saw me coming from ,geneva a perfect stranger--lying sick1 helpless1 wretched1 and miserable in the ears--and spoke to me1 inquired who ,i was1 and took care of me4 ,anybody else would have gone by on the other side4 ,he brought me to this hotel1 and remained with me1 and did everything for me2 and1 fearing that ,i might be ill some time1 and uneasy about money matters1 he sent me a letter of credit for two hundred pounds4 ,such noble and generous conduct to an entire stranger was never heard of4 ,to ,dr4 ,godet he had a letter from ,prof4 ,henry ,b4 ,smith1 of ,new ,york4 ,but he needed no other introduction to that warm- hearted and eminent servant of ,god than his sad condition and his love to ,christ4 ,from the first quarter of an hour1 wrote ,dr4 ,godet to ,mrs4 ,craig1 we were like two brothers who had known each other from infancy4 ,he knew not a great deal of ,french1 and ,i not more of ,english2 but the ,lord was between him and me4 ,prof4 ,godet and family are like the very angels of ,god1 wrote ,mr4 ,craig to his wife4 ,his last days were filled with inexpressible joy in his ,god and ,saviour4 ,shortly before his departure he said to ,dr4 ,godet and the other friends who were by his bedside1 ,there shall be no night there1 but the ,lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall be their light4 ,mr4 ,craig had a highly poetical nature1 refined spiritual sensibilities1 and a soul glowing with love to his ,master4 ,he was also a vigorous and original thinker4 ,some passages in his letters and journal are as racy and striking as anything in ,john ,newton or ,cecil4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss greatly enjoyed reading them to her friends4 ,some of them she copied and had published in the ,association ,monthly4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,on ,,the ,,mount4 #ahgj4 ,i4 ,a happy ,year4 ,madame ,guyon4 ,what sweetens the ,cup of earthly ,trials and the ,cup of earthly ,joy4 ,death of ,mrs4 ,julia ,b4 ,cady4 ,her ,usefulness4 ,sickness and ,death of other ,friends4 ,my ,cup runneth over4 ,letters4 ,more ,love to ,thee1 ,o ,christ4 ,in every earnest life there usually comes a time when it reaches its highest point1 whether of power or of enjoyment2 a time when it is in --the bright1 consumate flower4 ,the year #ahgj formed such a period in the life of ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,none that went before1 or that followed after1 equalled it1 as a whole1 in rich1 varied and happy experiences4 ,it was full of the genial1 loving spirit which inspired the ,little ,susy books and ,stepping ,heavenward2 full1 too1 of the playful humor which runs through ,fred and ,maria and ,me2 and full1 also1 of the intense1 overflowing delight in her ,god and ,saviour that breathes in the ,golden ,hours4 ,from its opening to its close she was--to borrow an expression from her ,richmond journal--one great long sunbeam4 ,everywhere1 in her home1 with her friends1 by sick and dying beds1 in the house of mourning1 in the crowded street or among her flowers at ,dorset1 she seemed to be attired with constant brightness4 ,of course1 there were not wanting hours of sadness and heart-sinking2 nor was her consciousness of sin or her longing to be freed from it1 perhaps1 ever keener and more profound2 but still the main current of her existence flowed on1 untroubled1 to the music of its own loving1 grateful and adoring thoughts4 ,often she would say that ,god was too good to her2 that she was satisfied and had nothing more to ask of life2 her cup of domestic bliss ran over2 and as to her religious joy1 it was at times too much for her frail body1 and she begged that it might be transferred to other souls4 ,her letters give a vivid picture of her state of mind during this memorable year2 and yet only a picture4 ,the sweet reality was beyond the power of words4 ,in the early part of this year the correspondence of ,madame ,guyon and ,fenelon fell into her hands1 and was eagerly read by her4 ,the perusal of this correspondence led1 somewhat later1 to a careful study of the ,select ,works1 ,autobiography1 and ,spiritual ,letters of ,madame ,guyon1 thus forming an important incident in her religious history4 ,heretofore she had known ,madame ,guyon chiefly through the ,life by ,prof4 ,upham and the little treatise entitled ,a ,short and very ,easy ,method of ,prayer2 and both seem rather to have repelled her4 ,in #ahfg she wrote to a friend3 ,there is a book ,i would be glad to have you read1 and which ,i think you would wish to own2 ',thoughts on ,personal ,religion1' by ,goulburn4 ,i never read a modern religious book that had in it so much1 that really edified me4 ,i take for granted you have ,thomas ,kempis2 on that and on ,fenelon ,i have feasted for years every day2 ,i like strengthening food and whatever deals a blow at this monster ,self4 ,madame ,guyon ,i do not understand4 ,but now she began to feel1 as so many earnest seekers after holiness had felt before her1 the strong attraction of this remarkable woman4 ,while never becoming to her what ,fenelon was1 ,madame ,guyon for several years exerted a decided influence upon her views of the ,christian life2 nor is there reason to think that this influence was not1 on the whole1 salutary4 ,notwithstanding her grave errors and the extravagances which marred her career1 ,madame ,guyon was no doubt one of the holiest1 as she was certainly one of the most gifted1 women of her own or any other age4 #a ,to ,mrs4 ,j ,elliot ,condict1 ,new ,york1 ,jan4 #b1 #ahgj4 ,it has been a real disappointment not to see you4 ,how quickly we learn to lean on earthly things6 ,i am afraid ,i prize ,christian fellowship too much1 and that ,i am behaving in a miserly way about all divine gifts1 shutting myself up here in this room1 which often seems like the gate of heaven1 and luxuriating in it1 instead of going about preaching the glad tidings to other souls4 ,yet work for ,christ1 when ,he gives it1 is sweet1 too1 and if answering your note is the little tiny bit ,he offers me at this moment1 how glad ,i am4 ,though ,i am not1 just now1 in the furnace as you are1 there is no knowing how soon ,i shall be1 and ,i remember well enough how the furnace feels1 to have deep sympathy with you in your trials4 ,sympathy1 but not regret2 ,i can't make myself be very sorry for ,christ's disciples when ,he takes them in hand--,he does it so tenderly1 so wisely1 so lovingly2 and it can hardly be true1 can it8 that ,he is just as near and dear to me when my cup is as full of earthly blessings as it can hold1 as ,he is to you whose cup ,he is emptying8 ,i have always thought they knew and loved ,him best who knew ,him in ,his character of ,chastiser2 but perhaps one never loses the memory of ,his revelations of ,himself in that form1 and perhaps that tender memory saddens and hallows the day of prosperity4 ,at any rate1 you and ,i seem to be in full sympathy with each other2 your empty cup isn't empty1 and my full one would be bitter if love to ,christ did not sweeten it4 ,it matters very little on what paths we are walking1 since we find ,him in every one4 ,how ashamed we shall be when we get to heaven1 of our talk about our trials here6 ,why don't we sing songs instead8 ,we know how1 for ,he has put the songs into our mouths4 ,i think ,i know something about the land of ,beulah1 but ,i don't quite live in it yet2 and yet what is this joy if it isn't beatitude1 if it is not a foretaste of that which is to come8 ,it isn't joy in what ,he has done for me1 a sinner1 but adoring joy for what ,he is1 though ,i do not begin to know what ,he is4 ,it will take an eternity to learn that lesson4 ,do you really mean to say that ,miss ,k4 is going to pray for me8 ,how delightful6 ,i am greedy for prayer2 nobody is rich enough to give me anything ,i so long for2 indeed when my husband begged me to tell him what ,i wanted at ,christmas1 ,i couldn't think of a thing2 but oh1 what unutterable longing ,i have for more of ,christ4 ,why should we not speak freely to each other of ,him8 ,don't apologise for it again4 ,the wonder is that we have the heart to speak of anything else4 ,sometimes ,i am almost frightened at the expressions of love ,i pour out upon ,him1 and wonder if ,i am really in earnest2 if ,i really mean all ,i say4 ,is it even so with you8 ,it is not foolish1 is it8 ,perhaps ,he likes to hear our poor stammerings1 when we can not get our emotions and our thoughts into words4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,jan4 #g1 #ahgj4 ,i find letters more and more unsatisfactory4 ,how little ,i know of your real life1 how little you know of mine6 ,so much is going on all the time that ,i should run and tell you about if you lived here1 but which it would take too long to write4 ,i have very precious ,christian friends within six months1 who take1 or rather to whom ,i give1 more time than ,i could or would spare for any ordinary friendship2 one of them has spent four hours in my room with me at a time1 and we had wonderful communings together4 ,then two dear friends have died4 ,one of the two1 of whom you have heard me speak1 was the most useful woman in our church2 my husband and ,i both wept over her death4 ,the other directed in dying that a copy of ,stepping ,heavenward should be given to each of her ,sunday scholars2 a lifelong fear of death was taken away1 and she declared it pleasanter and easier to die than to live2 her last words1 five minutes before she drew her last gentle breath1 came with the upward1 dying look1 ,wonderful love6 ,you can't think how sweet it is to be a pastor's wife2 to feel the right to sympathise with those who mourn1 to fly to them at once1 and join them in their prayers and tears4 ,it would be pleasant to spend one's whole time among sufferers1 and to keep testifying to them what ,christ can and will become to them1 if they will only let ,him4444 ,no1 ,i never ,dialed or was transcendental4 ,i don't think knowledge will come to us by intuition in heaven1 though knowledge enough to get started there1 will4 ,but ,i don't much care how it will be4 ,i know we shall learn ,christ there4 ,i have read lately ,prof4 ,phelps on the ,solitude of ,christ2 it is a suggestive little book which ,i like much4 ,have you ever read the ,life of ,mrs4 ,hawkes8 ,it is interesting because she records so many of ,cecil's wonderful remarks--such1 e4g41 as these3 a humble1 kind silence often utters much4 ,to-morrow you and ,i shall walk together in a garden1 when ,i hope to talk with you about everything but sadness4 ,i am going to ask a favor of you1 though ,i hate to put you to the trouble4 ,in writing a telegram in great haste and sorrow1 ,i accidentally used and cut into the lines you copied for me--,sabbath hymn in sickness4 ,it was a real loss1 and if you ever feel a little stronger than usual1 will you make me another copy8 ,i so often want to comfort sick persons with it4 ,i have half promised to write a serial for a magazine1 the organ of the ,young ,men's ,christian ,association1 though ,i know nothing of young men and hate to write serials4 ,i wish ,i could hide in some hole4 ,i get bright letters from ,a41 who is having a very nice time4 ,i write her every day2 wretched letters1 which she thinks delightful1 fortunately4 ,we have a quiet time this winter1 but such nice things can't last1 and ,i am afraid of this world anyhow4 ,i know you pray for me1 as ,i do for you and ,miss ,l4 every day4 ,i have a thousand things to say that ,i shall have to put off till ,i see you4 ,good-bye1 dearie4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,sunday1 ,march #f1 #ahgj4 ,i have had some really sweet days1 shut up with my dear little boy4 ,he is better1 and ,i am comparatively at leisure again1 and so happy in meditating on the character of my ,saviour1 and in the sense of ,his nearness1 that ,i ache1 and have had to beg ,him to give me no more1 but to carry this joy to you and to ,miss ,k4 and to two friends1 who1 languishing on dying beds1 need it so much4 #b ,if ,i could shed tears ,i should not have to tell you this1 and indeed it is nothing new2 but one must have vent in some way4 ,and this reminds me to explain to you why to three dear ,christian friends ,i now and then send verses2 they are my tears of joy or sorrow1 and when ,i feel most deeply it is a relief to versify1 and a pleasure to open my heart to those who feel as ,i do4 ,i have been in print ever since ,i was sixteen years old1 and admiration is an old story2 ,i care very little for it2 but ,i do crave and value sympathy with those who love ,christ4 ,and it is such a new thing to open my heart thus6 ,i have written any number of verses that no human being has ever seen1 because they came from the very bottom of my heart4 ,i wish ,i could put into words all the blessed thoughts ,i had last week about ,god's dear will3 it was a week of such sweet content with the work ,he gave me to do2 naturally ,i hate nursing1 and losing the air makes me feel unwell2 but what can't ,god do with us8 ,i love1 dearly1 to have a ,master4 ,i fancy that those who have strong wills1 are the ones to enjoy ,god's sovereignty most4 ,i wonder if you realise what a very happy creature ,i am8 and how much too good ,god is to me8 ,i don't see how ,he can heap such mercies on a poor sinner2 but that only shows how little ,i know ,him4 ,but then1 ,i am learning to know ,him1 and shall go on doing it forever and ever2 and so will you4 ,i am not sure that it is best for us1 once safe and secure on the ,rock of ,ages1 to ask ourselves too closely what this and that experience may signify4 ,is it not better to be thinking of the ,rock1 not of the feet that stand upon it8 ,it seems to me that we ought to be unconscious of ourselves1 and that the nearer we get to ,christ1 the more we shall be taken up with ,him4 ,we shall be like a sick man who1 after he gets well1 forgets all the old symptoms he used to think so much of1 and stops feeling his pulse1 and just enjoys his health1 only pointing out his physician to all who are diseased4 ,you will see that this is in answer to a portion of your letter1 in which you say ,miss ,k4 interprets to you certain experiences4 ,if ,i am wrong ,i am willing to be set right2 perhaps ,i have not said clearly what ,i meant to say4 ,i certainly mean no criticism on you or her1 but am only thinking aloud and querying4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,march #bg1 #ahgj4 ,you ask if ,i revel in the ,pilgrim's ,progress4 ,yes1 ,i do4 ,i think it an amazing book4 ,it seems to me almost as much an inspiration as the ,bible itself4 #c ,i am glad you liked that hymn4 ,i write in verse whenever ,i am deeply stirred1 because1 though as full of tears as other people1 ,i can not shed them4 ,but ,i never showed any of these verses to any one1 not even my husband1 till this winter4 ,but if ,i were more with you no doubt ,i should venture to let you run over some of them1 at least those my dear husband has seen and likes4 ,i have felt about hymns just as you say you do1 as if ,i loved them more than the ,bible4 ,but ,i have got over that2 ,i prayed myself out of it1 not loving hymns the less1 but the ,bible more4 ,i wonder if you sing2 ,i can't remember2 if you do1 ,i will send you1 sometime1 a hymn to sing for my sake1 called ,more love to ,thee1 ,o ,christ4 ,only to think1 our silver wedding comes next month1 and ,a4 and the ,smiths away6 ,i have been interrupted by callers1 and must have been in the parlor several hours4 ,you can't think what a sweet1 peaceful winter this has been1 nor how good the children are4 ,my cup has just run over1 and at times ,i am too happy to be comfortable1 if you know what that means2 not having a strong body1 ,i suppose you do4 ,mrs4 ,b4 has been in a very critical state of late1 but she is rallying1 and ,i may1 perhaps1 have the privilege of seeing her again4 ,i have had some precious times with her in her sick-room2 last ,friday1 a week ago1 she prayed with me in the sweetest temper of mind1 and came with me when ,i took leave1 to the head of the stairs1 full of love and smiles4 ,to a ,young ,friend1 ,april #e1 #ahgj4 ,i wish that hymn for the sick-room were mine1 but it is not4 ,i will enclose one that is1 which my dear husband has kindly had printed2 perhaps you will like to sing it to the tune of ,nearer1 my ,god1 to ,thee4 ,there is not much in it1 but you can put everything into it as you make it your prayer4 ,i can't help feeling that every soul ,i meet1 of whom ,i can ask1 ,what think you of ,christ8 and get the glad answer1 ,he is the chiefest among ten thousand1 the ,one altogether lovely--is a blessing as well as a comfort to mine2 and whenever you can and do say it1 you will become more dear to me4 ,your ,god and ,saviour won you as an easy victory1 but ,he had to fight for me4 ,it seems to me now that ,he ought to have all there is of me--which1 to be sure1 isn't much--and ,i hope ,he is taking it4 ,his ways with me have been perfectly beautiful and infinite in long-suffering and patience4 ,april #aath4--,your note has reawakened a question ,i have often had occasion to ask myself before4 ,why do my friends speak of my letters as giving more pleasure or profit than anything that goes to them from me in print8 ,is human nature so selfish8 ,must everybody have everything to himself8 ,it might seem so at first blush1 but ,i think there are two sides to this question4 ,may it not be possible that ,god sends a message directly from one heart to another as ,he does not to the many8 ,does ,he not speak through the living voice and the pen that is that voice1 as ,he does not do in the less unconstrained form of print8 ,at any rate1 ,i love to believe that ,he directs each word and look and tone2 inspires rather1 ,i should say4 ,i should like you to offer a special prayer for us on ,saturday4 ,that day completes twenty-five years of married life to us1 and1 though it has its shades as well as its lights1 ,i do not think ,i can do better for you than ask that you may have such years1 ,for who the backward scene hath scanned ,but blessed the ,father's guiding hand8 ,i can more truly thank ,him for ,his chastisements than for ,his worldly indulgences2 the latter urge from1 the former drive to ,him4 ,i am saying a great thing in a feeble way1 and you may multiply it by ten thousand1 and it will still be weak4 ,the hymn1 ,more ,love to ,thee1 ,o ,christ1 belongs1 probably1 as far back as the year #ahef4 ,like most of her hymns1 it is simply a prayer put into the form of verse4 ,she wrote it so hastily that the last stanza was left incomplete1 one line having been added in pencil when it was printed4 ,she did not show it1 not even to her husband1 until many years after it was written2 and she wondered not a little that1 when published1 it met with so much favor4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,her ,silver ,wedding4 ,i have ,lived1 ,i have ,loved4 ,no ,joy can put her out of ,sympathy with the ,trials of ,friends4 ,a ,glance backward4 ,last ,interview with a dying ,friend4 ,more ,love and more ,likeness to ,christ4 ,funeral of a little ,baby4 ,letters to ,christian ,friends4 ,if #ahgj was the crowning year in ,mrs4 ,prentiss' life1 the #afth of ,april was that year's most precious jewel4 ,as the time drew nigh1 a glow of tender1 grateful recollection suffused her countenance4 ,her eyes are homes of silent prayer4 ,she talked of the past1 like one lost in wonder1 while the light and beauty of the vanished years appeared still to rest upon her spirit4 ,the day itself1 which had been kept from the knowledge of most of her friends1 was full of sweet content1 rehearsing1 as it were1 all the days of her married life2 and1 at its close1 the measure of her earthly joy seemed to be perfect and entire1 wanting nothing4 ,to ,mrs4 ,leonard1 ,new ,york1 ,april #af1 #ahde-ahgj4 ,do you know that it is just twenty-five years since we first met8 ,how gladly would ,i spend the day of our silver wedding with you6 ,you will see that ,i am near in spirit1 at all events4 ,my thoughts have been busy the past week with reviewing the years through which ,i have travelled1 hand in hand1 with my dear husband2 years full of sin1 full of suffering1 full of joy2 brimful of the loving-kindness and tender mercy that smote often and smote surely4 ,your last letter only confirms what ,i already knew1 but am never tired of hearing repeated1 the faithfulness of ,god to those whom ,he afflicts4 ,when we once find out what ,he is to an aching1 empty heart1 we want to make everybody see just what we see1 and1 until we try in vain1 think we can4 ,i had very peculiar feelings in relation to you when your dear husband was1 for a time1 parted from you4 ,i knew ,god would never afflict you so1 if ,he had not something beautiful and blissful to give in place of what ,he took4 ,and what can we ask for that compares for one instant with the almost constant felt presence of our ,saviour's sympathy and support8 ,our human nature would like to have the earthly and the divine friendship at once2 but1 if we must choose between the twain1 surely you and ,i would choose ,christ without one moment's hesitation4 ,i hope you mention my name every day to ,him as ,i do yours1 as ,i love to do4 ,i enclose1 and want you1 when by yourself1 to sing for my sake a little hymn that ,i am sure is the language of your heart4 ,my dear husband had a few copies struck off to give friends4 ,write soon and often4 ,oh1 that you lived here or at ,dorset4 ,good-bye1 with warmest love1 now twenty-five years old6 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,new ,york1 ,april #bj1 #ahgj4 ,last ,saturday was the twenty-fifth anniversary of our marriage1 and a very happy day to us both4 ,my dear husband wrote me a letter that made me tremble1 lest he should get such hold of me as no human being must have4 ,i have a very curious feeling about life2 a satisfied one1 and as if it could not possibly give me much more than ,i now have4 ,i have lived1 ,i have loved4 #d ,people often say they have so much to live for2 ,i can't feel so1 though ,i am not only willing1 but glad to live while my husband and children need me2 and yet--and yet--to have this problem solved1 and to be forever with the ,lord6 ,i want to see you4 ,i can no longer see my dear ,mrs4 ,b42 she is too ill1 and that makes me miss you the more4 ,i hope that little ,,ms4 of mine did not task your sympathies2 ,i don't want you to pity me1 but to magnify ,him who took such pains with me1 and is carrying on just such work in thousands of hearts and lives4 ,what goodness6 ,what condescension6 ,the least we can do who have suffered much is to love much4444 ,i have been studying the ,bible on the subject of giving personal testimony1 and think it makes this a plain duty4 ,there is nothing like the influence of one living soul on another4 ,then why should we not naturally speak to everybody who will listen1 of what fills our thoughts2 our ,saviour1 ,his beauty1 ,his goodness1 ,his faithfulness1 ,his wisdom6 ,i don't believe a full heart can help running over4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,april #ba1 #ahgj4 ,i was right sorry to lose your ,saturday's call4 ,it was a happy day to me1 but ,i can conceive of no enjoyment of any sort that would put me out of sympathy with the trials of friends3 ,old and young are bringing troubles1 ,great and small1 for me to hear2 ,i have often blessed by sorrows ,that drew other's grief so near4 ,i thought ,i was saying a very ordinary thing when ,i spoke of thanking ,god for ,his long years of discipline1 but very likely life did not look to me at your age as it does now4 ,i was rather startled the other day1 to find it written in ,german1 in my own hand1 ,i can not say the will is there1 referring to a hymn which says1 ,der ,will ist da1 die ,kraft ist klein1 ,doch wird dir nicht zuwider seyn4 ,i suppose there was some great struggle going on when this foolish heart said that1 just as if ,god did not invariably do for us the very best that can be done4 #e ,you speak of having your love to ,jesus intensified by interviews with me4 ,it can hardly be otherwise1 when those meet together who love ,him1 and it is a rule that works both ways2 acts and reacts4 ,i should be thankful if no human being could ever meet me1 even in a chance way1 and not go away clasping ,him the closer1 and if ,i could meet no one who did not so stir and move me4 ,it is my constant prayer4 ,i have such insatiable longings to know and love ,him better that ,i go about hungering and thirsting for the fellowship of those who feel so too2 when ,i meet them ,i call them my benedictions4 ,next best to being with ,christ ,himself1 ,i love to be with those who have ,his spirit and are yearning for more of ,his likeness4 ,you speak of putting deep and dark chasms between yourself and ,christ4 ,he lets us do this that we may learn our nothingness1 our weakness1 and turn1 disgusted1 from ourselves to ,him4 ,may ,i venture to assure you that the chasms occur less and less frequently as one presses on1 till finally they turn into mountains of light4 ,get and keep a will for ,god1 and everything that will is ready for will come4 ,this is about a tenth part of what ,i might say4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,april #be1 #ahgj4 ,i wish ,i could describe to you my last interview with ,mrs4 ,b4 ,she had altered so in two weeks in which ,i had not seen her1 that ,i should not have known her4 ,she spoke with difficulty1 but by getting close to her mouth ,i could hear all she said4 ,she went back to the first time she met me1 told me her heart then knitted itself to mine1 and how she had loved me ever since1 etc41 etc4 ,i then asked her if she had any parting counsel to give me3 ,no1 not a word44444 ,some one came in and wet her lips1 gave her a sprig of citronatis1 and passed out4 ,i crushed it and let her smell the bruised leaves1 saying1 ,you are just like these crushed leaves4 ,she smiled1 and replied1 ,well1 ,i haven't had one pain too many1 not one4 ,but the agony has been dreadful4 ,i won't talk about that2 ,i just want to see your sunny face4 ,i asked if she was rejoicing in the hope of meeting lost friends and the saints in heaven4 ,she said1 with an expressive look1 ,oh1 no1 ,i haven't got so far as that4 ,i have only got as far as ,christ4 ,for all that1 ,i said1 you'll see my father and mother there4 ,why1 so ,i shall1 with another bright smile4 ,but her lips were growing white with pain1 and ,i came away4 ,did ,i tell you it was our silver wedding-day on the #afth8 ,we had a very happy day1 and if ,i could see you ,i should like to tell you all about it4 ,but it is too long a story to tell in writing4 ,i don't see but ,i've had everything this life can give1 and have a curious feeling as if ,i had got to a stopping-place4 ,i heard yesterday that two of ,m4's teachers had said they looked at her with perfect awe on account of her goodness4 ,i really never knew her to do anything wrong4 ,to a young ,friend ,new ,york1 ,may #a1 #ahgj4 ,i could write forever on the subject of ,christian charity1 but ,i must say that in the case you refer to1 ,i think you accuse yourself unduly4 ,we are not to part company with our common sense because we want to clasp hands with the ,love that thinketh no evil1 and we can not help seeing that there are few1 if any1 on earth without beams in their eyes and foibles and sins in their lives4 ,the fact that your friend repented and confessed his sin1 entitled him to your forgiving love1 but not to the ignoring of the fact that he was guilty4444 ,temptations come sometimes in swarms1 like bees1 and running away does no good1 and fighting only exasperates them4 ,the only help must come from ,him who understands and can control the whole swarm4 ,you ask for my prayers1 and ,i ask for yours4 ,i long ago formed the habit of praying at night individually1 if possible1 for all who had come to me through the day1 or whom ,i had visited2 but you contrive to get a much larger share than that4 ,i love to think of your future holiness and usefulness as even in the very least linked to my prayers4 ,oh1 ,i ought to know how to pray a great deal better than ,i do1 for forty years ago1 save one1 ,i this day publicly dedicated myself to ,christ4 ,i write to you because ,i like to do so1 recognising no difference between writing and talking4 ,when no better work comes to me1 ,i am glad to give the little pleasure ,i can1 in notes and letters4 ,he who knows how poor we are1 how little we have to give1 does not disdain even a note like this1 since it is written in love to ,him and to one of ,his own dear ones4 ,may #bc;d4--,your last letter was like a fragrant breath of country air1 redolent of flowers1 and all that makes rural scenes so sweet4 ,but better still1 it was fragrant with love to ,him who is the bond between us1 in whose name and for whose sake we are friends4 ,i wish ,i loved ,him better and were more like ,him2 perhaps that is about as far as we get in this world1 for no matter how far we advance1 we are never satisfied2 there is always something ahead2 ,i doubt if any one ever said1 even in a whisper and to himself1 ,now ,i love my ,saviour as much as a human soul can4 ,you speak of my having given you counsels4 ,have ,i had the presumption to do that8 ,two-thirds of the time ,i feel as if ,i wanted somebody to counsel me2 the only thing ,i really know that you do not1 is what it is to be beaten with persistent1 ceaseless stripes1 year after year1 year after year1 with scarcely breathing time between4 ,i don't know whether this is most an argument against me1 or for ,god2 on the whole it is most for ,him1 who was so good and kind as never to spare me for my writhing and groaning4 ,truly as ,i value this discipline1 ,i want you to give yourself to ,him so unreservedly that you will not need such sharp treatment4 ,i am not going to keep writing and getting you in debt4 ,all ,i ask is if you ever feel a little under the weather and want a specially loving or cheering word1 to give me the chance to speak or write it4 ,a chapter might be written about ,mrs4 ,prentiss' love for little children1 the enthusiasm with which she studied all their artless ways1 her delight in their beauty1 and the reverence with which she regarded the mystery of their infant being4 ,her faith in their real1 complete humanity1 their susceptibility to spiritual influences1 and1 when called from earth1 their blessed immortality in and through ,christ1 was very vivid2 and it was untroubled by any of those distressing doubts1 or misgivings1 that are engendered by the materialistic spirit and science of the age4 ,contempt for them shocked her as an offence against the ,holy ,child ,jesus1 their ,king and ,saviour4 ,her very look and manner as she took a young infant1 especially a sick or dying infant1 in her arms and gave it a loving kiss1 seemed to say3 ,sweet baby1 little as thou art1 ,thou art a human whole2 ,thou hast a little human heart1 ,thou hast a deathless soul4 #f ,the following letter to a ,christian mother1 dated ,may #acth1 will show her feeling on this subject3 ,this morning we attended the funeral of a little baby1 eight months old4 ,my husband1 in his remarks1 said that though born and ever continuing to be a sufferer1 it was never saddened by this fellowship with ,christ2 and that he believed it was a partaker of ,his holiness1 and glad through ,his indwelling1 even though unconscious of it4 ,during the last days of its life1 after each paroxysm of coughing1 it would look first at its mother1 then at its father1 for sympathy1 and then look upward with a face radiant beyond description4 ,i can't tell you how it touched me to think that ,i had in that baby a little ,christian sister--not merely redeemed1 but sanctified from its birth--and ,i know it will touch and strengthen you to hear of it4 ,i felt a reverence for that tiny1 lifeless form1 that ,i can not put into words4 ,and1 indeed1 why should it be harder for ,god to enter into the soul of an infant than into our unlikeliest ones8 444 ,i see more and more that if we have within us the mind of ,christ1 we must bear the burden of other griefs than our own2 ,he did not merely pity suffering humanity2 ,he bore our griefs1 and in all our afflictions ,he was afflicted4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,june #f1 #ahgj4 ,if you can get hold of the ,april number of the ,bibliotheca ,sacra1 read an article in it called ,psychology in the ,life1 ,work and ,teachings of ,jesus4 ,i think it very striking and very true4 ,praying for ,dr4 ---- this morning1 ,i had such a peaceful feeling that he was safe4 ,do you feel so about him8 ,i had a very different experience about another man who has been to see me since ,i began this letter1 and who said ,i was the first happy person he ever met4 ,may ,god lay that to his heart6444 ,rummaging among dusty things in the attic this forenoon with great repugnance1 ,i found such a beautiful letter from my husband1 written for my solace in ,switzerland when he was in ,paris 7he wrote me every day1 sometimes twice a day1 during the two months of our enforced separation7 that even the drudgery of getting my hands soiled and my back broken was sweetened4 ,that's the way ,god keeps on spoiling us2 one good thing after another till we are ashamed4 ,well1 let us step onward1 hand in hand4 ,i wonder which of us will outrun the other and step in first8 ,i am so glad ,i'm willing to live4 ,in the course of this spring ,the ,percys was published4 ,the story first came out as a serial in the ,new ,york ,observer4 ,it was translated into ,french under the title ,la ,famille ,percy4 ,in #ahgf a ,german version appeared under the title ,die ,familie ,percy4 ,it was also republished in ,london4 #g 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,lines on going to ,dorset4 ,a ,cloud over her4 ,faber's ,life4 ,loving ,friends for one's own sake and loving them for ,christ's sake4 ,the ,bible and the ,christian ,life4 ,dorset ,society and ,occupations4 ,counsels to a young ,friend in ,trouble4 ,don't stop praying for your ,life6 ,cure for the ,heart-sickness caused by a ,sight of human ,imperfections4 ,fenelon's ,teaching about ,humiliation and being patient with ,ourselves4 ,the following lines1 found among her papers after her death1 show in what spirit she went to ,dorset3 ,once more ,i change my home1 once more begin ,life in this rural stillness and repose2 ,but ,i have brought with me my heart of sin1 ,and sin nor quiet nor cessation knows4 ,ah1 when ,i make the final1 blessed change1 ,i shall leave that behind1 shall throw aside ,earth's soiled and soiling garments1 and shall range ,through purer regions like a youthful bride4 ,thrice welcome be that day6 ,do thou1 meanwhile1 ,my soul1 sit ready1 unencumbered wait2 ,the ,master bides thy coming1 and ,his smile ,shall bid thee welcome at the golden gate4 ,,dorset1 ,june #ae1 #ahgj4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,dorset1 ,june #ah1 #ahgj4 ,i would love to have you here with me in this dear little den of mine and see the mountains from my window4 ,my husband has gone back to town1 and my only society is that of the children1 so you would be most welcome if you should come in either smiling or sighing4 ,i have had a cloud over me of late4 ,do you know about ,mr4 ,prentiss' appointment by ,general ,assembly to a professorship at ,chicago8 ,his going would involve not only our tearing ourselves out of the heart of our beloved church1 but of my losing you and ,miss ,k41 and of our all losing this dear little home4 ,of course1 he does not want to go1 and ,i am shocked at the thought of his leaving the ministry2 but1 on the other hand1 there is a right and a wrong to the question1 and we ought to want to do whatever ,god chooses4 ,the thought of giving up this home makes me know better how to sympathise with you if you have to part with yours4 ,i do think it is good for us to be emptied from vessel to vessel1 and there is something awful in the thought of having our own way with leanness in the soul4 ,i am greatly pained in reading ,faber's ,life and ,letters1 at the shocking way in which he speaks of ,mary1 calling her his mamma1 and praying to her and to ,joseph1 and nobody knows who not4 ,it seems almost incredible that this is the man who wrote those beautiful strengthening hymns4 ,it sets one to praying ,hold ,thou me up and ,i shall be safe4 444 ,i should have forgotten the lines of mine you quote if you had not copied them4 ,god give to you and to me a thousandfold more of the spirit they breathe1 and make us wholly1 wholly ,his own6 ,my repugnance to go to ,chicago makes me feel that perhaps that is just the wrench ,i need4 ,well1 good-bye2 at the longest we have not long to stay in this sphere of discipline and correction4 ,to ,mr4 ,g4 ,s4 ,p41 ,dorset1 ,july #ac1 #ahgj4 ,i had just come home from a delicious little tramp through our own woods when your letter came1 and now1 if you knew what was good for you1 you would drop in and take tea and spend the evening with us4 ,i should like you to see our house and our mountains1 and our cup that runs over till we are ashamed4 ,had ,i not known you wouldn't come ,i should have given you a chance1 especially as my husband was gone and ,i was rather lonely2 though to be sure he always writes me every day4 ,on the way up here ,i was glad of time to think out certain things ,i had been waiting for leisure to attend to4 ,one had some connection with you1 as well as one or two other friends4 ,i had long felt that there was a real1 though subtle1 difference between human--and1 shall ,i say divine8--affection1 but did not see just what it was4 ,turning it over in my mind that day1 it suddenly came to me as this4 ,human friendship may be entirely selfish1 giving only to receive in return1 or may be partially so--yet still selfish4 ,but the love that grows out of the love of ,christ1 and that delights in ,his image wherever it is seen1 claims no response2 loves because it is its very nature to do so1 because it can not help it1 and this without regard to what its object gives4 ,i dare not pretend that ,i have fully reached this state1 but ,i have entered this land1 and know that it is one to be desired as a home1 an abiding place4 ,i have thought painfully of the narrow quarters and the hot nights endured by so many in ,new ,york1 during this unusually warm weather--especially of ,mrs4 ,g4 with three restless children in bed with her and her poor lonely heart4 ,i can not but believe that ,christ has real purposes of mercy to her soul4 ,i feel interested in ,mr4 ,h4's summer work in a hard field4 ,in place of aversion to young men1 ,i am beginning to realise how true work for ,christ one may do by praying persistently for them1 especially those consecrated to the ministry of ,his gospel4 ,i do hope ,christ will have the whole of you1 and that you will have the whole of ,him4 ,when you write1 let me know how you like my beloved ,fenelon4 ,still1 you may not like him4 ,some ,christians never get to feeding on these mystical writers1 and get on without them4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,dorset1 ,july #ah1 #ahgj4 ,i was greatly struck with these words yesterday3 ,as for ,god ,his way is perfect2 think of reading the ,bible through four times in one year1 and nobody knows how many times since1 and never resting on these words4 ,somehow they charmed me4 ,and these words have been ringing in my ears1 ,earth looks so little and so low1 while conscious that when ,i can get ferns and flowers1 it does not look so little or so low1 as it does when ,i can't4 ,my cook1 who is a ,romanist1 has been prevented from going to her own church seven miles off1 by the weather1 ever since we came here1 and last ,sunday said she meant to go to ours4 ,mr4 ,p4 preached on ,god's character as our ,physician1 and she was delighted4 ,i think it was hearing one of his little letters to the children that made her realise1 that he was a ,christian man whom she might safely hear2 at any rate1 ,i feel greatly pleased and comforted that she could appreciate such a subject4 ,i fear you are suffering from the weather2 we never knew anything like it here4 ,we do not suffer1 but wake up every morning bathed in a breeze that refreshes for the day2 ,i mean we do not suffer while we keep still4 ,i am astonished at ,god's goodness in giving us this place2 not ,his goodness itself1 but towards us4 ,if ,mrs4 ,brinsmade #h left much of such material as the extract you sent me1 ,i wonder ,dr4 ,b4 did not write her memoir4 ,the more ,i read of what ,christ said about faith1 the more impressed ,i am4 ,just now ,i am on the last chapters in the gospel of ,john1 and feel as if ,i had never read them before4 ,they are just wonderful4 ,we have to read the ,bible to understand the ,christian life1 and we must penetrate far into that life in order to understand the ,bible4 ,how beautifully the one interprets the other6 ,i want you to let me know1 without telling her that ,i asked you1 if ,miss ,k4 could make me a visit if it were not for the expense8 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,dorset1 ,july #bj1 #ahgj4 ,did you ever use a fountain pen8 ,i have had one given me1 and like it so much that ,i sent for one for my husband1 and one for ,mr4 ,pratt4 ,when one wants to write in one's lap1 or out of doors1 it is delightful4 ,mrs4 ,field came over from ,east ,dorset on ,sunday to have her baby baptized4 ,they had him there in the church through the whole morning service1 and he was as quiet as any of us4 ,the next day ,mrs4 ,f4 came down and spent the morning with me1 sweeter1 more thoughtful than ever1 if changed at all4 ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,humphrey1 of ,philadelphia1 are passing the summer here at the tavern1 and we spend most of our evenings there1 or they come here4 ,mrs4 ,h4 is a very superior woman1 and though ,i was determined not to like her1 because ,i have so many people on hand already1 ,i found ,i could not help it4 ,she is as furious about mosses and lichens and all such things as ,i am1 and the other day took home a bushel-basket of them4 ,she is an earnest ,christian1 and has passed through deep waters2 ,i ought to have reversed the order of those clauses4 ,excuse this rather hasty letter2 ,i feared you might fancy your book lost4 ,if you are alive1 let me know it1 also if you are dead4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,dorset1 ,aug4 #h1 #ahgj4 ,i dare not answer your letter1 just received1 in my own strength1 but must pray over it long4 ,it is a great thing to learn how far our doubts and despondencies are the direct result of physical causes1 and another great thing is1 when we can not trace any such connexion1 to bear patiently and quietly what ,god permits1 if ,he does not authorise4 ,i have no more doubt that you love ,him1 and that ,he loves you1 than that ,i love ,him and that ,he loves me4 ,you have been daily in my prayers4 ,temptations and conflict are inseparable from the ,christian life2 no strange thing has happened to you4 ,let me comfort you with the assurance that you will be taught more and more by ,god's ,spirit how to resist2 and that true strength and holy manhood will spring up from this painful soil4 ,try to take heart2 there is more than one foot-print on the sands of time to prove that some forlorn and shipwrecked brother has traversed them before you1 and come off conqueror through the ,beloved4 ,don't stop praying for your life4 ,be as cold and emotionless as you please2 ,god will accept your naked faith1 when it has no glow or warmth in it2 and in ,his own time the loving1 glad heart will come back to you4 ,i deeply feel for and with you1 and have no doubt that a week among these mountains would do more towards uniting you to ,christ than a mile of letters would4 ,you can't complain of any folly to which ,i could not plead guilty4 ,i have put my ,saviour's patience to every possible test1 and how ,i love ,him when ,i think what ,he will put up with4 ,you ask if ,i ever feel that religion is a sham8 ,no1 never4 ,i know it is a reality4 ,if you ask if ,i am ever staggered by the inconsistencies of professing ,christians1 ,i say yes1 ,i am often made heartsick by them2 but heartsickness always makes me run to ,christ1 and one good look at ,him pacifies me4 ,this is in fact my panacea for every ill2 and as to my own sinfulness1 that would certainly overwhelm me if ,i spent much time in looking at it4 ,but it is a monster whose face ,i do not love to see2 ,i turn from its hideousness to the beauty of ,his face who sins not1 and the sight of yon lovely ,man ravishes me4 ,but at your age ,i did this only by fits and starts1 and suffered as you do4 ,so ,i know how to feel for you1 and what to ask for you4 ,god purposely sickens us of man and of self1 that we may learn to look long at ,jesus4 ,and this brings me to what you say about ,fenelon's going too far1 when he says we may judge of the depth of our humility by our delight in humiliation1 etc4 ,no1 he does not go a bit too far4 ,paul says1 ,i will glory in my infirmities--,i take pleasure in infirmities1 in reproaches1 in necessities1 in persecution1 in distresses for ,christ's sake2 for when ,i am weak1 then am ,i strong4 ,i think this a great attainment2 but that ,his disciples may reach it1 though only through a humbling1 painful process4 ,then as to ,god's glory4 ,we say1 ,man's chief end is to glorify ,god and enjoy ,him forever4 ,now1 can we enjoy ,him till we do glorify ,him8 ,can we enjoy ,him while living for ourselves1 while indulging in sin1 while prayerless and cold and dead8 ,does not ,god directly seek our highest happiness when ,he strips us of vainglory and self-love1 embitters the poisonous draught of mere human felicity1 and makes us fall down before ,him lost in the sense of ,his beauty and desirableness8 ,the connexion between glorifying and enjoying ,him is1 to my mind1 perfect--one following as the necessary sequence of the other2 and facts bear me out in this4 ,he who has let self go and lives only for the honor of ,god1 is the free1 the happy man4 ,he is no longer a slave1 but has the liberty of the sons of ,god2 for him who honors me1 ,i will honor4 ,satan has befogged you on this point4 ,he dreads to see you ripen into a saintly1 devoted1 useful man4 ,he hopes to overwhelm and ruin you4 ,but he will not prevail4 ,you have solemnly given yourself to the ,lord2 you have chosen the work of winning and feeding souls as your life-work1 and you can not1 must not go back4 ,these conflicts are the lot of those who are training to be the ,lord's true yoke-fellows4 ,christ's sweetest consolations lie behind crosses1 and ,he reserves ,his best things for those who have the courage to press forward1 fighting for them4 ,i entreat you to turn your eyes away from self1 from man1 and look to ,christ4 ,let me assure you1 as a fellow-traveller1 that ,i have been on the road and know it well1 and that by and by there won't be such a dust on it4 ,you will meet with hindrances and trials1 but will fight quietly through1 and no human ear hear the din of battle1 no human eye perceive fainting or halting or fall4 ,may ,god bless you1 and become to you an ever-present1 joyful reality6 ,indeed ,he will2 only wait patiently4 ,in glancing over this1 ,i see that ,i have here and there repeated myself4 ,do excuse it4 ,i believe it is owing to the way the flies harass and distract me4 ,august #agth4--,i feel truly grateful to ,god if ,i have been of any comfort to you4 ,i know only too well the shock of seeing professors of even sinless perfection guilty of what ,i consider sinful sin1 and my whole soul was so staggered that for some days ,i could not pray1 but could only say1 ,o ,god1 if there be any ,god1 come to my rescue4 444 ,but ,god loves better than ,he knows us1 and foresaw every infidelity before ,he called us to ,himself4 ,nothing in us takes ,him1 therefore1 by surprise4 ,fenelon teaches what no other writer does--to be patient with ourselves1 and ,i think as you penetrate into the ,christian life1 you will agree with him on every point as ,i do4 ,august #aith4--,i have had a couple of rather sickish days since writing the above1 but am all right again now4 ,hot weather does not agree with me4 ,i used to reproach myself for religious stupidity when not well1 but see now that ,god ,is my kind ,father--not my hard taskmaster1 expecting me to be full of life and zeal when physically exhausted4 ,it takes long to learn such lessons4 ,one has to penetrate deeply into the heart of ,christ to begin to know its tenderness and sympathy and forbearance4 ,you can't imagine how ,miss ,k4 has luxuriated in her visit1 nor how good she thinks we all are4 ,she holds views to which ,i can not quite respond1 but ,i do not condemn or reject them4 ,she is a modest1 praying1 devoted woman2 not disposed to obtrude1 much less to urge her opinions2 full of ,christian charity and forbearance2 and ,i am truly thankful that she prays for me and mine2 in fact1 she loves to pray so1 that when she gets hold of a new case1 she acts as one does who has found a treasure4 ,i wish you were looking out with me on the beautiful array of mountains to be seen from every window of our house and breathing this delicious air4 ,september #beth4--,we expect now to go home on ,friday next1 though if ,i had known how early the foliage was going to turn this year1 ,i should have planned to stay a week longer to see it in all its glory4 ,it is looking very beautiful even now1 and our eyes have a perpetual feast4 ,we have had a charming summer1 but one does not want to play all the time1 and ,i hope ,god has work of some sort for me to do at home during the winter4 ,meanwhile1 ,i wish ,i could send you a photograph of the little den where ,i am now writing1 and the rustic adornings which make it sui generis1 and the bit of woods to be seen from its windows1 that1 taking the lead of all other ,dorset woods1 have put on floral colors1 just because they are ours and know we want them looking their best before we go away4 ,but this wish must yield to fate1 like many another2 and1 as ,i have come to the end of my paper1 ,i will love and leave you4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told4 ,country and ,city4 ,the ,law of ,christian ,progress4 ,letters to a ,friend bereft of three ,children4 ,sudden ,death of another ,friend4 ,go on2 step faster4 ,fenelon and his ,influence upon her religious ,life4 ,lines on her ,indebtedness to him4 ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told was published about this time4 ,it had already appeared in the ,riverside ,magazine4 ,the occasion of the story was a passage in a letter from ,london written by a friend1 which described in a very graphic and touching way the yearly exhibition of the ,society for the ,promotion of ,window ,gardening among the ,poor4 ,the exhibition was held at the ,dean's close at ,westminster and the ,earl of ,shaftesbury gave the prizes4 #i ,no one of ,mrs4 ,prentiss's smaller works1 perhaps1 has been so much admired as ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told4 ,it was written at ,dorset in the course of a single day1 if not at a single sitting2 and so real was the scene to her imagination that1 on reading it in the evening to her husband1 she had to stop again and again from the violence of her emotion4 ,what a little fool ,i am6 she would say1 after a fresh burst of tears4 #aj ,to ,mrs4 ,leonard1 ,new ,york1 ,oct4 #af1 #ahgj4 ,your letter came in the midst of the wear and tear of ,a4's return to us4 ,we were kept in suspense about her from ,monday1 when she was due1 till1 ,friday when she came1 and it is years since ,i have got so excited and wrought up4 ,they had a dreadful passage1 but she was not sick at all4 ,prof4 ,smith is looking better than ,i ever saw him1 and we are all most happy in being together once more4 ,i can truly re-echo your wish that you lived half way between us and ,dorset1 for then we should see you once a year at least4 ,i miss you and long to see you4 ,how true it is that each friend has a place of his own that no one else can fill6 ,i do not doubt that the #acth of ,october was a silvery wedding-day to your dear husband4 ,his loss has made ,christ dearer to you1 and so has made your union more perfect4 ,i suppose you were never so much one as you are now4 ,we have had a delightful summer1 not really suffering from the heat2 though1 of course1 we felt it more or less4 ,all our nights were cool4444 ,i can not tell you how ,mr4 ,p4 and myself enjoy our country home4 ,it seems as if we had slipped into our proper nook4 ,but if we are going to do any more brainwork1 we must be where there is stimulus1 such as we find here4 ,what a mixed-up letter6 ,i have almost forgotten how to write1 in adorning my house and sowing my seeds and the like4 ,to ,mrs4 ,frederick ,field1 ,new ,york1 ,oct4 #aith1 #ahgj4 ,i deeply appreciate the ,christian kindness that prompted you to write me in the midst of your sorrow4 ,i was prepared for the sad news by a dream only last night4 ,i fancied myself seeing your dear little boy lying very restlessly on his bed1 and proposing to carry him about in my arms to relieve him4 ,he made no objection1 and ,i walked up and down with him a long1 long time1 when some one of the family took him from me4 ,instantly his face was illumined by a wondrous smile of delight that he was to leave the arms of a stranger to go to those familiar to him--such a smile1 that when ,i awoke this morning ,i said to myself1 ,eddy ,field has gone to the arms of his ,saviour1 and gone gladly4 ,you can imagine how your letter1 an hour or two later1 touched me4 ,but you have better consolation than dreams can give2 in the belief that your child will develop1 without spot or wrinkle or any such thing1 into the perfect likeness of ,christ1 and in your own submission to the unerring will of ,god4 ,i sometimes think that patient sufferers suffer most2 they make less outcry than others1 but the grief that has little vent wears sorely4 ,grace does not steel the faithful heart ,that it should feel no ill1 and you have many a pang yet before you4 ,it must be so very hard to see twin children part company1 to have their paths diverge so soon4 ,but the shadow of death will not always rest on your home2 you will emerge from its obscurity into such a light as they who have never sorrowed can not know4 ,we never know1 or begin to know1 the great ,heart that loves us best1 till we throw ourselves upon it in the hour of our despair4 ,friends say and do all they can for us1 but they do not know what we suffer or what we need2 but ,christ1 who formed1 has penetrated the depths of the mother's heart4 ,he pours in the wine and the oil that no human hand possesses1 and as one whom his mother comforteth1 so will ,he comfort you4 ,i have lived to see that ,god never was so good to me as when ,he seemed most severe4 ,thus ,i trust and believe it will be with you and your husband4 ,meanwhile1 while the peaceable fruits are growing and ripening1 may ,god help you through the grievous time that must pass--a grievous time in which you have my warm sympathy4 ,i know only too well all about it4 ,i know my griefs2 but then my consolations1 ,my joys1 and my immortal hopes ,i know-- joys unknown to the prosperous1 hopes that spring from seed long buried in the dust4 ,i shall read your books with great interest1 ,i am sure1 and who knows how ,god means to prepare you for future usefulness along the path of pain8 ,every branch that beareth fruit ,he purgeth it1 that it may bring forth more fruit4 ,what an epitaph your boy's own words would be--,it is beautiful to be dead6 ,to the ,same1 ,new ,york1 ,nov #cjth1 #ahgj4 ,i thank you so much for your letter about your precious children4 ,i remember them well1 all three1 and do not wonder that the death of your first-born1 coming upon the very footsteps of sorrow1 has so nearly crushed you4 ,but what beautiful consolations ,god gave you by his dying bed6 ,all safe at ,god's right hand6 ,what more can the fondest mother's heart ask than such safety as this8 ,i am sure that there will come to you1 sooner or later1 the sense of ,christ's love in these repeated sorrows1 that in your present bewildered1 amazed state you can hardly realise4 ,let me tell you that ,i have tried ,his heart in a long storm--not so very different from yours--and that ,i know something of its depths4 ,i will enclose you some lines that may give you a moment's light4 ,please not to let them go out of your hands1 for no one--not even my husband--has ever seen them4 ,i am going to send my last book to your lonely little boy4 ,you will not feel like reading it now1 but perhaps the #cc;d chapter1 and some that follow1 may not jar upon you as the earlier part would4 ,to go back again to the subject of ,christ's love for us1 of which ,i never tire1 ,i want to make you feel that ,his sufferers are ,his happiest1 most favored disciples4 ,what they learn about ,him---,his pitifulness1 ,his unwillingness to hurt us1 ,his haste to bind up the very wounds ,he has inflicted---endear ,him so1 that at last they burst out into songs of thanksgiving1 that ,his donation of bliss included in it such donation of pain4 ,perhaps ,i have already said to you1 for ,i am fond of saying it1 ,the love of ,jesus---what it is1 ,only ,his sufferers know4 ,you ask if your heart will ever be lightsome again4 ,never again with the lightsomeness that had never known sorrow1 but light even to gayety with the new and higher love born of tribulation4 ,just as far as a heavenly is superior even to maternal love1 will be the elevation and beauty of your new joy2 a joy worth all it costs4 ,i know what sorrow means2 ,i know it well4 ,but ,i know1 too1 what it is to pass out of that prison-house into a peace that passes all understanding2 and thousands can say the same4 ,so1 my dear suffering sister1 look on and look up2 lay hold on ,christ with both your poor1 empty hands2 let ,him do with you what seemeth ,him good2 though ,he slay you1 still trust in ,him2 and ,i dare in ,his name to promise you a sweeter1 better life than you could have known had ,he left you to drink of the full1 dangerous cups of unmingled prosperity4 ,i feel such real and living sympathy with you1 that ,i would love to spend weeks by your side1 trying to bind up your broken heart4 ,but for the gospel of ,christ1 to hear of such bereavements as yours would appall1 would madden one4 ,yet1 what a halo surrounds that word but6 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,dec #ad1 #ahgj4 ,i have not behaved according to my wont1 and visited the sick even by way of a letter4 ,and by this time ,i hope you are quite well again1 and do not need ghostly counsels4444 ,i have felt very badly about ,miss ,lyman's dying at ,vassar1 but since ,mrs4 ,s4's visit and learning how beloved she is there1 have changed my mind4 ,what does it matter1 after all1 from what point of time or space we go home2 how we shall smile1 after we get there1 that we ever gave it one moment's thought6 ,you ask what ,i am doing2 well1 ,i am taking a vacation and not writing anything to speak of1 yet just as busy as ever2 not one moment in which to dawdle1 though ,i dare say ,i seem to the folks here at home to be sitting round doing nothing4 ,i must give you a picture of one day and you must photograph one of yours1 as we have done before4 ,got up at seven and went through the usual forms2 had prayers and breakfast1 and started off to school with ,m4 ,came home and had a nice quiet time reading1 etc42 at eleven went to my meeting1 which was a tearful one1 as one of our members who knelt with us only a week before1 was this day to be buried out of our sight4 ,she was at church on ,sunday afternoon at four ,p4,m41 to present her baby in baptism1 and at half-past two the following morning was in heaven4 ,we all went together to the funeral after the meeting1 and gathered round the coffin with the feeling that she belonged to us4 ,when ,i got home ,i found a despatch from ,miss ,w41 saying they should be here right away4 ,i had let one of my women go out of town to a sick sister1 so ,i must turn chamber-maid and make the bed1 dust1 clear out closet1 cupboard1 and bureau forthwith4 ,this done1 they arrived1 which took the time till half-past seven1 when ,i excused myself and went to an evening meeting1 knowing it would be devoted to special prayer for the husband and children of her who had gone4 ,got home half an hour behind time and found a young man awaiting me who was converted last ,june1 as he hopes1 while reading ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,i had just got seated by him when our doctor was announced2 he had lost his only grandchild and had come to talk about it4 ,he stayed till half-past nine1 when ,i went back to my young friend1 who stayed till half-past ten and gave a very interesting history which ,i have not time to put on paper4 ,he writes me since1 however1 about his ,christian life that it gets sweeter and sweeter1 and ,i know you will be glad for me that ,i have this joy4 ,saturday ,morning4--,i was interrupted there1 had visitors1 had to go to a fair1 company again1 so that ,i had not time to eat the food ,i needed1 went to see a poor sick girl1 had more visitors1 and at last1 at eleven ,p4,m41 scrambled into bed4 ,now ,i am finishing this1 and if nobody hinders1 am going to mail it1 and then go after a block of ice-cream for that sick girl 7isn't it nice1 we can get it now done up in little boxes1 just about as much as an invalid can eat at one time74 ,then ,i am going to see a poor afflicted soul that can't get any light on her sorrow4 ,here comes my dear old man to read his sermon1 so good-bye4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,dec4 #bj1 #ahgj4 ,i have been led1 during the last month or two1 to a new love of the ,holy ,spirit1 or perhaps to more consciousness of the silent1 blessed work ,he is doing in and for us8 and for those whose souls lie as a heavy and yet a sweet burden upon our own4 ,and joining with you in your prayers1 seeking also for myself what ,i sought for you1 ,i found myself almost startled by such a response as ,i can not describe4 ,it was not joy1 but a deep solemnity which enfolded me as with a garment1 and if ,i ever pass out of it1 which ,i never want to do1 ,i hope it will be with a heart more than ever consecrated and set apart for ,christ's service4 ,the more ,i reflect and the more ,i pray1 the more life narrows down to one point--,what am ,i being for ,christ1 what am ,i doing for ,him8 ,why do ,i tell you this8 ,because the voice of a fellow-traveller always stimulates his brother-pilgrim2 what one finds and speaks of and rejoices over1 sets the other upon determining to find too4 ,god has been very good to you1 as well as to me1 but we ought to whisper to each other now and then1 ,go on1 step faster1 step surer1 lay hold on the ,rock of ,ages with both hands4 ,you never need be afraid to speak such words to me4 ,i want to be pushed on1 and pulled on1 and coaxed on4 ,the allusion to her beloved ,fenelon1 in several of the preceding letters1 renders this a suitable place to say a word about him and his influence upon her religious character4 ,fenelon ,i lean on1 she wrote4 ,her delight in his writings dated back more than a quarter of a century1 and continued1 unabated1 to the end of her days4 ,she regarded him with a sort of personal affection and reverence4 ,her copy of ,spiritual ,progress1 composed largely of selections from his works1 is crowded with pencil-marks expressive of her sympathy and approval2 not even her ,imitation of ,christ1 ,sacra ,privata1 ,pilgrim's ,progress1 ,saints' ,everlasting ,rest1 or ,leighton on the ,first ,epistle of ,peter1 contain so many4 ,these pencil-marks are sometimes very emphatic1 underscoring or inclosing now a single word1 now a phrase1 anon a whole sentence or paragraph2 and it requires but little skill to decipher1 in these rude hieroglyphics1 the secret history of her soul for a third of a century-- one side1 at least1 of this history4 ,what she sought with the greatest eagerness1 what she most loved and most hated1 her spiritual aims1 struggles1 trials1 joys and hopes1 may here be read between the lines4 ,and a beautiful testimony they give to the moral depth1 purity and nobleness of her piety6 ,the story is not1 indeed1 complete2 her religious life had other elements1 not found1 or only partially found1 in ,fenelon2 elements centering directly in ,christ and ,his gospel1 and which had their inspiration in her ,daily ,food and her ,new ,testament4 ,what attracted her to ,fenelon was not the doctrine of salvation as taught by him--she found it better taught in ,bunyan and ,leighton--it was his marvellous knowledge of the human heart1 his keen insight into the proper workings of nature and grace1 his deep spiritual wisdom1 and the sweet mystic tone of his piety4 ,and then the two great principles pervading his writings--that of pure love to ,god and that of self-crucifixion as the way to perfect love--fell in with some of her own favorite views of the ,christian life4 ,in the study of ,fenelon1 as of ,madame ,guyon1 her aim was a purely practical one2 it was not to establish1 or verify1 a theory1 but to get aid and comfort in her daily course heavenward4 ,what ,fenelon was to her in this respect she has herself recorded in the following lines1 found1 after her death1 written on a blank page of her ,spiritual ,progress3 ,oh wise and thoughtful words6 oh counsel sweet1 ,guide in my wanderings1 spurs unto my feet1 ,how often you have met me on the way1 ,and turned me from the path that led astray2 ,teaching that fault and folly1 sin and fall1 ,need not the weary pilgrim's heart appall2 ,yea more1 instructing how to snatch the sting ,from timid conscience1 how to stretch the wing ,from the low plane1 the level dead of sin1 ,and mount immortal1 mystic joys to win4 ,one hour with ,jesus6 ,how its peace outweighs ,the ravishment of earthly love and praise2 ,how dearer far1 emptied of self to lie ,low at ,his feet1 and catch1 perchance1 ,his eye1 ,alike content when ,he may give or take1 ,the sweet1 the bitter1 welcome for ,his sake6 #a ,john ,wesley1 after having pointed out what he considered the grand source of all her mistakes2 namely1 the being guided by inward impressions and the light of her own spirit rather than by the written ,word1 and also her error in teaching that ,god never purifies a soul but by inward and outward suffering--then adds3 ,and yet with all this dross how much pure gold is mixed6 ,so did ,god wink at involuntary ignorance4 ,what a depth of religion did she enjoy6 ,how much of the mind that was in ,christ ,jesus6 ,what heights of righteousness1 and peace1 and joy in the ,holy ,ghost6 ,how few such instances do we find of exalted love to ,god1 and our neighbor2 of genuine humility2 of invincible meekness and unbounded resignation6 ,so that1 upon the whole1 ,i know not whether we may not search many centuries to find another woman who was such a pattern of true holiness4 #b ,see the lines ,,my ,,cup ,,runneth ,,over1 ,golden ,hours1 p4 #dc4 #c ,i know of no book1 the ,bible excepted as above all comparison1 which ,i1 according to my judgment and experience1 could so safely recommend as teaching and enforcing the whole saving truth according to the mind that was in ,christ ,jesus1 as the ,pilgrim's ,progress4 ,it is1 in my conviction1 incomparably the best summa theologi evangelic ever produced by a writer not miraculously inspired4 ,i read it once as a theologian--and let me assure you1 there is great theological acumen in the work--once with devotional feelings1 and once as a poet4 ,i could not have believed beforehand that ,calvinism could be painted in such exquisitely delightful colors4--,,coleridge4 #d ,the allusion is to ,thekla's song in ,part ,i41 ,act iii41 sc4 #g of ,schiller's ,wallenstein4 ,du ,heilige1 rufe dein ,kind zurck6 ,ich habe genossen das irdische ,glck1 ,ich habe gelebt und gelibet4 #e ,the hymn referred to is ,paul ,gerhardt's1 beginning3 ,wir singen dir1 ,immanuel1 ,du ,lebensfrst und ,gnadenquell4 ,it was one of her favorite ,german hymns4 ,the lines she quotes belong to the tenth stanza2 ,ich kann nicht sagen ,der ,will ist da1 are the words pencilled in the margin4 #f ,hartley ,coleridge's ,poems4 ,vol4 ,,ii41 p4 #aci4 #g ,but greatly to ,mrs4 ,prentiss' annoyance1 with the title changed to ,ever ,heavenward--as if to make it appear to be a sequel to ,stepping ,heavenward4 #h ,wife of the late ,rev4 ,horatio ,brinsmade1 ,d4,d41 of ,newark1 ,n4 ,j4 #i ,polly was particularly happy2 six years old1 ,i should say1 shabby1 though evidently washed up for the occasion1 and very pretty and all pink with excitement4 ,polly1 ,i knowed you'd get a prize1 ,i heard a young woman1 tired out with carrying her own big baby1 say4 ,and then she came upon her own geranium with three blossoms on it and marked ,second ,prize1 and said1 ,i can't believe it1 when they told her that that meant six shillings4 ,but the plant which my companion and myself both cried over1 was a little bit of a weedy marigold1 the one poor little flower on it carefully fastened about with a paper ring1 such as high and mighty greenhouse men sometimes put round a choice rose in bud4 ,that was all2 just this one common1 very single little flower1 with ,lizzie ,something's name attached and the name of her street4 ,all the streets were put upon the tickets and added greatly to the pathetic effect2 just the poorest lanes and alleys in ,london4 ,nobody seemed to claim the marigold4 ,perhaps it was the great treasure of some sick child who couldn't come to look at it4 ,it was certain not to get a prize1 but the child has found something by this time tucked down in the pot and carefully covered over by ,f41 when no one was looking1 with a pinch of earth taken from a more prosperous plant alongside4 #aj ,miss ,w4 showed me a very pleasant letter of ,lady ,augusta ,stanley1 the wife of ,dean ,stanley1 to a ,miss ,c41 through whom she received from ,miss ,w4's little niece a copy of ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told4 ,lady ,stanley is herself1 ,i believe1 at the head of the ,society which holds the annual ,flower ,show4 ,she says in her letter that she had just returned from ,scotland1 reaching home quite late in the evening4 ,before retiring1 however1 she had read your story through4 ,she praises it very warmly1 and wonders how anybody but a ,londoner could have written it4--,letter to ,mrs4 ,p41 dated ,new ,york1 ,september1 #ahgb4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,in ,,her ,,home4 ,the letters in the preceding chapters give a glimpse1 here and there1 of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' home1 but relate chiefly to the religious side of her character4 ,what was her manner of life among her children8 ,how were her temper and habits as a mother affected by the ardor and intensity of her ,christian feeling8 ,a partial answer to these questions is contained in letters written to her eldest daughter1 while the latter was absent in ,europe4 ,these letters show the natural side of her character2 and although far from reflecting all its light and beauty--no words could do that6--they depict some of its most interesting traits4 ,they are frankness itself and betray not the least respect of persons2 but if she speaks her mind in them without much let or hindrance1 it is always done in the pleasantest way4 ,in the portions selected for publication the aim has been to let her be seen1 so far as possible1 just as she appeared in her daily home-life1 both in town and country4 ,i4 ,home-life in ,new ,york4 ,new ,york1 ,october #bb1 #ahfi4 ,i have promised to walk to school with ,m4 this morning1 and while ,i am waiting for her to get ready1 will begin my letter to you4 ,we got home from seeing you off all tired out1 and ,i lay on the sofa all the time till ,i went to bed1 except while eating my dinner1 and ,i think papa did pretty much the same4 ,the moment we had done dinner1 ,h4 and ,jane appeared1 carrying your bureau drawer between them1 and we had a great time over the presents you were thoughtful enough to leave behind you4 ,my little sacque makes me look like #ejj angels instead of one1 and ,i am ever so glad of it1 and the children were all delighted with their things4 ,well1 ,i have escorted ,m4 to school1 come home and read the ,advance1 and ,hearth and ,home1 and it is now eleven o'clock and the door-bell has only rung twice6 ,papa says you are out of sight of land1 and as it is a warm day and we are comfortable1 we hope you are4 ,but it is dreadful to have to wait so long before hearing4 #bc;d4--,papa says this must be mailed by nine o'clock2 so ,i have hurried up from breakfast to finish it4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,s4 spent most of last evening with us4 ,they shouted over my ferrotypes4 ,mr4---- also called and expressed as much surprise at your having gone to ,europe as if the sky had fallen4 ,i read my sea-journal to the children last evening1 and though it is very flat and meagre in itself1 ,h41 to whom it was all brand new1 thought it ought to be published forthwith4 ,no time for another word but love to all the ,s4's1 big and little1 high and low1 great and small4 ,your affectionate ,mammy4 ,oct4 #bhth4--,i can hardly believe that it is only a week today that we saw you and your big steamer disappear from view4 ,h4 said last night that it seemed to him one hundred years ago1 and we all said amen4 ,so how do you suppose it will seem ten months hence8 ,i hope you do not find the time so long4 ,i take turns waiting upon the children to school1 which they are very strict about1 and they enjoy their teachers amazingly4 ,i received this morning a very beautiful and touching letter from a young lady in ,england about the ,susy books4 ,they are associated in her mind and those of her family with a ,little ,pearlie whose cunning little photograph she enclosed1 who taught herself to read in a fortnight from one of them1 and was read to from it on her dying bed1 and after she became speechless she made signs to have her head wet as ,susy's was4 ,i never received such a letter among all ,i have had4 ,randolph sent me twelve copies of ,stepping ,heavenward1 and ,i have had my hands full packing and sending them4 ,m4 is reading aloud to ,h4 a charming story called ,alone in ,london4 ,i am sure ,i could not read it aloud without crying4 ,the following is the letter from ,england3 ,to ,,the ,,author ,,of ,,little ,,susy3 ,i feel as if ,i had a perfect right to call you ,my dear friend1 so much have ,i thought of you this last year and a half4 ,bear with me while ,i tell you why4 ,a year ago last ,christmas we were a large family--father1 mother1 and eight children1 of whom ,i1 who address you1 am the eldest4 ,the youngest was of course the pet1 our bright little darling1 rather more than five4 ,that ,christmas morning1 of course1 there were gifts for all2 and among the treasures in the smallest stocking was a copy of ,little ,susy's ,six ,teachers1 for which ,i desire to thank you now4 ,many times ,i have tried to do so1 but ,i could not2 the trouble which came upon us was too great and awful in its suddenness4 ,little ,pearl1 so first called in the days of a fragile babyhood--,dora ,margaret was her real name--taught herself to read from her ,little ,susy1 during the first fortnight she had it4 ,and she would sit for hours1 literally1 amusing and interesting herself by it4 ,she talked constantly of the ,six ,teachers1 and a word about them was enough to quell any rising naughtiness4 ,pearlie1 what would ,mr4 ,ought say8 or ,don't grieve ,mrs4 ,love1 was always sufficient4 ,do you know what it is to have one the youngest in a large family8 ,my darling was seventeen years younger than ,i4 ,i left school when she was born to take the oversight of the nursery1 which dear mamma's illness and always delicate health prevented her from doing4 ,i had nursed her in her illnesses1 dressed her1 made the little frocks--now laid so sadly by--and to all the rest of us she had been more like a child than a sister4 ,friends used to say1 ,it is a wonder that child is not spoiled2 but they could never say she was4 ,merry1 full of life and fun she always was1 quick and intelligent1 full of droll sayings which recur to us now with such a pain4 ,from ,christmas to the end of ,february we often remarked to one another how good that child was6 laughing and playing from morning to night1 yet never unruly or wild4 ,that ,february we had illness in the house4 ,jessie1 the next youngest1 had diphtheria1 but she recovered1 and we trusted all danger was passed1 when one ,monday evening--the last in the month--our darling seemed ill4 ,the next day we recognised the symptoms we had seen in ,jessie1 and the doctor was called in4 ,tuesday and ,wednesday he came and gave no hint of danger1 but on ,wednesday night we perceived a change and on ,thursday came the sentence3 ,no hope4 ,oh friend1 dear friend6 how can ,i tell you of the long hours when we could not help our darling--of the dark night when1 forbidden the room from the malignity of the case1 we went to bed to coax mamma to do so--of the grey ,february dawn when there came the words1 ,our darling is quite well now--quite well1 forever taken from the evil to come4 ,the ,sunday night before1 she came into the parlor with ,susy under her arm and petitioned for some one to read the ,teachers' meeting4 ,why1 you read it twice this afternoon1 said one4 ,yes1 ,i know--but it's so nice1 was the reply4 ,pearlie will be six in ,september1 said the gentle mother2 we must have a ,teachers' meeting for her1 ,i think4 ,but perhaps ,i sha'n't ever be six1 said the little one4 ,oh ,pearlie1 why do you say so8 ,well1 people don't all be six1 you know1 affirmed our darling with solemn eyes and two dimples in the rosy cheeks1 that were hid forever from us before the next ,sabbath day4 ,on the ,wednesday we borrowed from a little friend the other books of the series1 thinking they might afford some amusement for the weary hours of illness1 and ,annie1 my next sister1 read four of the birthdays to her and then wished to stop1 fearing she might be too fatigued4 ,no1 read one more1 was the request1 and ,that will do--,i'm five1 read the last to-morrow1 she said1 when it was complied with4 ,ah me6 with how many tears we took up that book again4 ,that ,wednesday she sat up in bed1 a glass of medicine in her hand4 ,mamma1 she said1 ,miss ,joy has gone quite away and only left ,mr4 ,pain4 ,she can't come back till my throat is well4 ,but ,mrs4 ,love is here1 is she not8 ,oh1 yes1 and the dear heavy eyes turned from one to another4 ,in the night1 when she lay dying1 came intervals of consciousness2 in one of these she took her handkerchief and gave it to papa1 who watched by her1 asking him to wet it and put it on her head4 ,when he told us1 we recollected the incident when ,susy in the favorite book was ill4 ,and can you understand how our hearts felt very tender toward you and we said you must be thanked4 ,i should weary you if ,i told you all the incidents that presented themselves of how sweet and good she was in her illness2 how in the agony of those last hours1 when no fear of infection could restrain the passionate kisses papa was showering on her1 the dear voice said with a stop and an effort between each word1 ,don't kiss me on my mouth1 papa2 you may catch it2 how everything she asked for was prefaced by please1 how self was always last in her thoughts4 ,i'm keeping you awake1 you darling4 ,don't stand there--you'll be so tired--sit down or go down-stairs1 if you like4 ,i will send you a photograph of little ,pearlie2 it is the best we have1 but was taken when she was only two years old4 ,she was very small for her age and had been very delicate until the last year of her life4 ,in writing thus to thank you ,i am not only doing an act of justice to yourself1 but fulfilling wishes now rendered binding4 ,often and often my dear mamma said1 ,how ,i wish we knew the lady who wrote ,little ,susy6 ,her health1 always delicate1 never recovered from the shock of ,pearlie's death1 and suddenly1 on the morning of the first of ,may1 the ,angel of ,death darkened our dwelling with the shadow of his wings4 ,not long did he linger--only two hours--and our mother had left us4 ,she was with her treasure and the ,saviour1 who said so lovingly on earth1 ,come unto ,me4 ,but words can not express such trouble as that4 ,we have not realised it yet4 ,forgive me if my letter is abrupt and confused4 ,i have only desired to tell you simply the simple tale--if by any chance it should make you thank ,god more earnestly for the great gift ,he has given you--a holy gift indeed2 for can you think the lessons from ,susy1 so useful and so loved on earth1 could be suddenly forgotten when the glories of heavens opened on our darling's view8 ,i can not myself4 ,i think1 perhaps1 our ,father's home may be more like our human ones1 where ,his love reigns1 than our wild hearts allow themselves to imagine2 and ,i think the two1 on whose behalf ,i thank you now1 may one day know you and thank you themselves4 ,dear ,aunt ,susan1 believe me to be1 your unknown yet grateful friend1 ,,lizzie ,,wraith ,l----4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss at once answered this letter1 and not long after received another from ,miss ,l----1 dated ,january #i1 #ahgj1 breathing the same grateful feeling and full of interesting details4 ,the following is an extract from it3 ,i was so surprised1 dear unknown friend1 to receive your kind letter so soon4 ,indeed1 ,i hardly expected a reply at all4 ,when ,i wrote to you1 ,i did not know that ,i was addressing a daughter of the ,edward ,payson whose name is fragrant even on this side of the ,atlantic4 ,had ,i known it ,i think ,i should not have ventured to write--so ,i am glad ,i did not4 ,if you should be able to write again1 and have a carte-de-visite to spare1 may ,i beg it1 that ,i may form some idea of the friend1 old enough to be my mother8 ,are you little and slight1 like my real mother1 ,i wonder1 or stately and tall8 ,i will send you a photograph of the monument which the ladies of papa's church and congregation have erected to dear mamma1 in our beautiful cemetery1 where the snowdrops will be already peeping1 and where roses bloom for ten months out of the twelve4 ,nov4 #c;d4--,here beginneth letter ,no4 #c4 ,we heard of your arrival at ,southampton by a telegram last evening4 ,we long to get a letter4 ,before ,i forget it let me tell you that ,alice ,h4 and ,julia ,w4 have both got babbies4 ,we are getting nicely settled for the winter2 the children are all behaving beautifully4 ,saturday1 #fth4--,well1 ,i have just been to see ,mrs4 ,f41 and found her a bright1 frank young thing1 fresh and simple and very pleasing4 ,her complexion is like ,m----'s1 and the lower part of her face is shaped like hers1 dark eyebrows1 light hair1 splendid teeth1 and ,i suppose would be called very pretty by you girls4 ,take her altogether ,i liked her very much4 ,we hear next to nothing from ,stepping ,heavenward1 and begin to think it is going to fall dead4 ,monday1 #adth4--,your ,southampton letter has just come and we are delighted to hear that you had such a pleasant voyage1 and found so many agreeable people on board4444 ,yesterday afternoon was devoted to hearing a deeply interesting description from ,dr4 ,hatfield1 followed by ,mr4 ,dodge1 of the re-union of the two ,assemblies at ,pittsburgh4 ,dr4 ,h4 made us all laugh by saying that as the ,new ,school entered the church where they were to be received and united to the ,old ,school1 the latter rose and sang ,return1 ye ransomed sinners1 home6 ,oh1 ,i don't know but it was just the other way2 it makes no great difference1 for as ,dr4 ,h4 remarked1 we're all ransomed sinners4 ,nov4 #cjth4--,mr4 ,abbot dined here on ,sunday4 ,he came in again in the evening1 and it would have done you good to hear what he said about the children4 ,they are all well and happy1 and give me very little trouble4 ,i do not feel so well on the late dinner1 and have awful dreams4----,i was passing the ,c----s1 after writing the above1 and she called me in to see her new parlors4 ,they are beautiful2 a great deal of bright1 rich coloring1 and various articles of furniture of his own designing4 ,thursday4----,you and ,m4 will be shocked to hear that ,julia ,w4 died last night4 ,as ,mr4 ,w4 was at church on ,sunday1 we supposed all danger was over4 ,we heard it through a telegram sent to your father4 ,december #d1 #ahfi4--;,i need not tell you that we all remember that this is your birthday1 dear child1 and that the remembrance brings you very near4 ,i wish ,i could send you1 for a birthday present1 all that ,i have1 this morning1 asked ,god to give you4 ,you may depend upon it1 that while some people may get along through life at a certain distance from ,him1 you are not one of that sort4 ,you may find a feverish joy1 but never abiding peace1 out of ,him4 ,remember this whenever you feel the oppression of that vague sense of unrest1 of which1 ,i doubt not1 you have a great deal underneath a careless outside2 this is the thirst of the soul for the only fountain at which it is worth while to drink4 ,you never will be really happy till ,christ becomes your dearest and most intimate friend4 #gth4--,we have had a tremendous fall of snow1 and ,culyer says ,m4 ought to wait an hour before starting for school1 but she is not willing and ,i am going with her to see that she is not buried alive4 ,good-bye again1 dearie6 ,will begin a new letter right away4 ,dec4 #ith--,we went to see ,mrs4 ,w4 this afternoon4 ,julia had typhoid fever1 which ran twenty-one days1 and was delirious a good deal of the time4 ,she got ready to die before her confinement1 though she said she expected to live4 ,after she became so very ill ,mrs4 ,w4 heard her praying for something for ,christ's sake1 for the sake of ,christ's sufferings1 and once asked her what it was she was asking for so earnestly4 ,oh1 to get well for ,edward's sake and the baby's1 she replied4 ,a few days before her death she called ,mrs4 ,w4 to come close to her1 and said1 ,i am going to die4 ,i did not think so when baby was born1 dear little thing--but now it is impressed upon me that ,i am4 ,mrs4 ,w4 said they hoped not1 but added1 ,yet suppose you should die1 what then8 ,oh ,i have prayed1 day and night1 to be reconciled1 and ,i am1 perfectly so4 ,god will take care of ,edward and of my baby4 ,perhaps it is better so than to run the risk-- ,she did not finish the sentence4 ,the baby looks like her4 ,mrs4 ,w4 told her you had gone to ,europe with ,m41 and she expressed great pleasure2 but if she had known where she was going1 and to what1 all she would have done would have been to give thanks for ,christ's sake4 ,i do not blame her1 however1 for clinging to life2 it was natural she should4 #ajth--,we went1 last evening1 to hear ,father ,hyacinthe lecture on ,charite at the ,academy of ,music4 ,i did not expect to understand a word1 but was agreeably disappointed1 as he spoke very distinctly4 ,still ,i did not enjoy hearing as well as ,i did reading it this morning--for ,i lost some of the best things in a really fine address4 ,it was a brilliant scene1 the very elite of intellectual society gathered around one modest1 unpretentious little man4 ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,crosby were in the box with us1 and she1 fortunately1 had an opera glass with her1 so that we had a chance to study his really good face4 ,the only book ,i expect to write this winter is to you2 ,i am dreadfully lazy since you left1 and don't do anything but haze about4 ,there is a good deal of lively talk at the table2 the children are waked up by going to school1 and there is some rivalry among them1 each maintaining that his and hers is the best4 ,dec4 #aeth4--,we have cards for a ,soiree musicale at ,mrs4 ----'s1 which is to be a great smash-up4 ,she called here to-day and wept and wailed over and kissed me4 ,i have been to see how ,mrs4 ,c4 is4 ,she is a little worse to-day1 and he and her father scarcely leave her4 ,he wrung my hand all to pieces1 poor man4 ,her illness is exciting great sympathy in our church1 and nobody seems willing to let her go4 ,dr4 ,adams spent last evening here4 ,he is splendid company2 ,i really wish he would come once a week4 ,everybody is asking if ,i meant in ,katy to describe myself4 ,i have no doubt that if ,i should catch an old toad1 put on to her a short gown and petticoat and one of my caps1 everybody would walk up to her and say1 ,oh1 how do you do1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 you look more like yourself than common2 ,i recognise the picture you have drawn of yourself in ,stepping ,heavenward and in the ,percys1 etc41 etc41 etc41 ad nauseam4 ,the next book ,i write ,i'll make my heroine black and everybody will say1 ,oh1 here you are again1 black to the life6 ,dec4 #ahth4--,you and ,m4 will not be surprised to hear that ,mrs4 ,c4's sufferings are over4 ,she died this morning4 ,papa and ,i are greatly shaken4 ,with much hesitation ,i decided to go over there to see her mother1 and the welcome ,i got from her and from ,mr4 ,c4 are things to remember for a life-time4 ,i will never hesitate again to fly to people in trouble4 ,if you were here ,i would tell you all about my visit1 but ,i can't write it down4 ,it seems so sad1 just as they had got into their lovely new home--sad for him1 ,i mean2 as for her ,i can only wish her joy that she is not weeping here below as he is4 ,i stayed till it was time for church1 and when ,i entered it ,i was met by many a tearful face2 papa announced her death from the pulpit1 and is going1 this afternoon1 to throw aside the sermon he intended to preach1 and extemporise on the first ,sunday in heaven4 ,the children are going in1 this noon1 to sing2 as to the ,mission festival1 that is to be virtually given up2 the children are merely to walk in1 receive their presents1 and go silently out4 ,it is a beautiful day to go to heaven in4 ,mrs4 ,c4 did not know she was going to die1 but that is of no consequence4 ,only one week ago yesterday she was at the ,industrial school1 unusually bright and well1 they all say4 ,well1 ,i see everything double and had better stop writing4 ,monday1 #bjth4--,your nice letter was in the letter-box as ,i started for school with ,h42 ,i called to papa to let him know it was there and went off1 begrudging him the pleasure of reading it before ,i did4 ,when ,i got home there was no papa and no letter to be found2 ,i looked in every room1 on his desk and on mine1 posted down to the letter-box and into the parlor1 in vain4 ,at last he came rushing home with it1 having carried it to market1 lest ,i should get and read it alone6 ,so we sat down and enjoyed it together4444 ,i take out your picture now and then1 when1 lo1 a big lump in my throat1 notwithstanding which ,i am glad we let you go2 we enjoy your enjoyment1 and think it will make the old nest pleasanter to have been vacated for a while4 ,papa and ,i agreed before we got up this morning that the only fault we had to find with ,god was1 that ,he was too good to us4 ,i can't get over the welcome ,i got from ,mr4 ,c4 yesterday4 ,he said ,i seemed like a mother to him1 which made me feel very old on the one hand1 and very happy on the other4 ,if ,i were you ,i wouldn't marry anybody but a minister2 it gives one such lots of people to love and care for4 ,old ,mrs4 ,b4 is failing1 and lies there as peaceful and contented as a little baby4 ,i never got sweeter smiles from anybody4 ,i have got each of the servants a pretty dress for ,christmas2 ,i feel that ,i owe them a good deal for giving me such a peaceful1 untroubled home4 ,dec4 #bc;d4--,it rained very hard all day yesterday till just about the time of the funeral1 half-past three1 when the church was well filled1 the ,mission-school occupying seats by themselves and the teachers by themselves4444 ,i thought as ,i listened to the address that it would reconcile me to seeing you lying there in your coffin1 if such a record stood against your name4 ,papa read1 at the close1 a sort of prophetic poem of ,mrs4 ,c4's1 which she wrote a year or more ago1 of which ,i should like to send you all a copy1 it is so good in every sense4 ,he wants me to send you a few hasty lines ,i scribbled off on ,sunday noon1 with which he closed his sermon that afternoon1 and repeated again at the funeral1 but it is not worth the ink4 ,after the service the mission children went up to look at the remains1 and passed out2 then the rest of the congregation4 ,one of the mission children fainted and fell1 and was carried out in ,mr4 ,l4's arms4 ,after the rest dispersed papa took me in1 and there we saw a most touching sight2 a dozen poor women and children weeping about the coffin1 offering a tribute to her memory1 sweeter than the opulent display of flowers did4 ,evening4--,the interment took place to-day1 at ,woodlawn4 ,mr4 ,c4 wished me to go1 and ,i did4 ,on the way home a gentlemanly-looking man stepped up to your father1 and taking his hand said1 ,i never saw you till to-day1 but ,i love you2 yes1 there is no other word6 ,wasn't it nice of him8 ,dec4 #bdth4--,papa went in last evening1 for a half hour1 to see ---- and his bride1 at their great reception1 drank two glasses of coffee sangaree1 and brought me news that overcame me quite1--namely1 that ---- was delighted with my book4 ,nesbit ,co4 sent me a copy of their reprint of it4 ,they have got it up beautifully with six colored illustrations1 most of them very good2 little ,earnest is as cunning as he can be1 and the old grandpa is perfect4 ,katy1 however1 has her hair in a waterfall in the year #ahce and even after1 wears long dresses1 and always has on a sontag or something like one4 ,she goes to see ,dr4 ,cabot in a red sacque1 and a red hat1 and has a muff in her lap4 ,mrs4 ---- was here the other day to say that ,i had drawn her husband's portrait exactly in ,dr4 ,elliot4 ,i have been out with ,m4 all the morning1 doing up our last shopping4 ,we came home half frozen1 and had lunch together1 when lo1 a magnificent basket of flowers from ,mrs4 ,d4 and some candy from the party2 papa and ,g4 came home and we all fell to making ourselves sick4444 ,i have bought lots of candy and little fancy cakes to put in the children's stockings4 ,i know it is very improper1 but one can't be good always4 ,dr4 ,p4 is sick with pneumonia4 ,mrs4 ,p4 has just sent me a basket of fresh eggs1 and an illustrated edition of ,longfellow's ,building of the ,ship4 #beth4--,i wish you a ,merry ,christmas1 darling1 and wonder what you are all doing to celebrate this day4 ,we have had great times over our presents4444 ,i got a note from ,mr4 ,abbot saying that a friend of his in ,boston had given away fourteen ,katies1 all he could get1 and that the bookseller said he could have sold the last copy thirty times over4 ,neither papa nor ,i feel quite up to the mark to-day2 we probably got a little cold at ,mrs4 ,c4's grave1 as the wind blew furiously1 and the hymn1 and prayer1 and benediction took quite a time4 #bfth4--,dr4 ,p4 is worse4 ,papa has been to see him since church1 and ,dr4 ,b41 who was there1 said that ,dr4 ,murray quoted from ,katy in his sermon to-day1 and then pausing long enough to attract everybody's attention1 he said he wished each of them to procure and read it4 ,i hope you and ,mrs4 ,smith won't get sick hearing about it2 ,i assure you ,i don't tell you half ,i might4 ,evening4--,mr4 ,c4 has been here this evening to show us a poem by his wife1 just come out in the ,january number of the ,sabbath at ,home1 in which she asks the ,new ,year what it has in store for her1 and says if it is death1 it is only going home the sooner4 ,neither he1 or anyone1 had seen it or heard of it1 and it came to them with overwhelming power and consolation as the last utterance of her ,christian faith4 #a ,dec4 #cjth1 #ahfi4--,your letter came yesterday morning1 after breakfast1 and was read to an admiring audience of ,prentisses by papa1 who occasionally called for counsel as to this word and that4 ,we like the plan made for the winter1 and hope it will suit all round4 ,you had such a grand birth-day that ,i don't see what there was left for ,christmas1 and hope you got nothing but a leather button4 ,my ,percys end to-day1 and ,i am shocked at the wretched way in which ,i ended them4 ,i wish you would buy a copy of ,griseldis for me4 ,why don't you tell what you are reading8 ,i got for ,m4 ,a ,sister's ,bye ,hours1 by ,jean ,ingelow1 and find it a delightful book2 such lots of quiet humor and so much good sense and good feeling2 you girls would enjoy reading it aloud together4 ,jan4 #c;d1 #ahgj4--,you will want to hear all about ,new ,year's day1 and where shall ,i begin unless at the end thereof1 when your and ,mrs4 ,smith's letters came1 and which caused papa ungraciously to leave me to entertain1 while he greedily devoured them and his dinner4 ,in spite of rain we had a steady flow of visitors4 ,i will enclose a list for your delectation1 for as reading a cook-book sort of feeds one1 reading familiar names sort of comforts one4 ,mr4 ---- was softer and more languishing than ever1 and appeared like a man who had been fed on honey off the tips of a canary bird's feather4444 ,papa and ,i agreed1 talking it over last evening1 that it is a bad plan for husbands and wives not to live and die together1 as the one who is left is apt to cut up4 ,he hinted that ,i was so fond of admiration that he was afraid ,i should1 if he died4 ,on questioning him as to what he meant by this abominable speech1 he said he meant to pay me a compliment666 that he thought me very susceptible when people loved me and very fond of being loved--which ,i am by him2 all other men ,i hate4 ,my cousin ,g4 dined with us on ,friday and took me to the meeting held annually at ,dr4 ,adams' church4 ,i like him ever so much1 though he is a man4 ,g4 has brought me in some dandelions from the church-yard4 ,we have not had one day of severe cold yet1 and there is a great deal of sickness about in consequence4 ,friday4--,i spent a part of last evening in writing an article about ,mrs4 ,c4's poem for the ,sabbath at ,home1 and have a little fit of indigestion as my reward4 ,have been to see my sick woman with jelly and consolation1 and from there to ,mrs4 ,d41 who gave me a beautiful account of ,mrs4 ,coming's last days and of her readiness and gladness to go4 ,i was at the meeting at ,dr4 ,rogers' yesterday afternoon and heard old ,dr4 ,tyng for the first time1 and he spoke beautifully4444 ,well1 ,chi ,alpha #b is over2 we had a very large attendance and the oysters were burnt4 ,it is dreadfully trying when ,maria never once failed before to have them so extra nice4 ,dr4 ,hall came and told me he had been sending copies of ,fred and ,maria and ,me to friends in ,ireland4 ,martha and ,jane1 and ,m4 and ,h4 were all standing in a row together when the parsons come out to tea1 and one of them marched up to the row1 saying to papa1 ,are these your children8 when ,martha and ,jane made a precipitate retreat into the pantry4 ,good-night1 darling2 lots of love to ,mrs4 ,smith and all of them4 ,your affectionate ,marm-er4 #aath4--,yours came to-day1 and papa and ,i had a brief duel with hair-pins and pen-knives as to which should read it aloud to the other1 and ,i beat4 ,i should have enjoyed ,eigensinn1 ,i am sure2 you know ,i have read it in ,german4444 ,the children all three are lovely1 and what with them and papa and other things my cup is running over tremendously4 ,i have just heard that a poor woman ,i have been to see a few times1 died this morning4 ,i always came away from her crestfallen1 thinking ,i was the biggest poke in a sick-room there ever was1 but she sent me a dying message that quite comforted me4 ,she had once lived in plenty1 but was fearfully destitute1 and ,i fear she and her family suffered for want of common necessaries4 ,thursday4--,i had an early and a long call from one of our church1 who wanted to tell me1 among other things1 that her husband scolded her for bumping her head in the night2 she wept and ,i condoled2 she went away at last smiling4 ,then ,i went to the sewing circle and idled about till one2 then ,i had several calls4 ,then papa and ,i went out to make a lot of calls4 ,then came a note from a sick lady1 whom ,i shall go to see in spite of my horror of strangers4 ,papa got a letter from ,prof4 ,smith which gave us great pleasure4 ,z4 was here yesterday2 ,i asked her to stay to lunch1 bribing her with a cup of tea1 and so she stayed and we had a real nice time2 when she went away ,i told her ,i was dead in love with her4 ,friday ,evening4--,the children have all gone to bed2 ,m4 and ,g4 have been reading all the evening2 ,m4 busy on ,miss ,alcott's ,little ,women1 and ,g4 shaking his sides over old numbers of the ,riverside4 ,papa says our house ought to have a sign put out1 ,souls cured here2 because so many people come to tell their troubles4 ,people used to do just so to my mother1 and ,i suppose always do to parsons' wives if they'll let 'em4 ,monday4--,papa preached delightfully yesterday4 ,mr4 ,b4 took a pew and ,mr4 ,i don't know who took another4 ,your letter came this morning and was full of interesting things4 ,i hope ,mrs4 ,s4 will send me her own and ,jean ,ingelow's verses4 ,what fun to get into a correspondence with her6 ,i have had an interesting time to-day4 ,dr4 ,skinner lent me some months ago a little book called ,god's ,furnace2 ,i didn't like it at first1 but read it through several times and liked it better and better each time4 ,and to-day ,mrs4 ---- brought the author to spend a few hours 7she lives out of town71 and we three black-eyed women had a remarkable time together4 ,there is certainly such a thing as a heaven below1 only it doesn't last as the real heaven will4 ,we had ,mr4 ,c4 to tea last night2 after tea he read us three poems of his wife1 and papa was weak enough to go and read him some verses of mine1 which he ought not to have done till ,i am dead and gone4 ,then he played and sang with the children1 and we had prayers1 and ,i read scraps to him and papa from ,faber's ,all for ,jesus and ,craig's ,memoir4 ,m4 is lying on the sofa studying1 papa is in his study1 the boys are hazing about2 it snows a little and melts as it falls1 and so1 with love to all1 both great and small1 ,i am your loving ,,elderly ,,lady ,,with ,,grey ,,puffs4 ,february #hth1 #ahgj4--,we are having a tremendous snow-storm for a wonder4 ,i started out this morning with ,g41 and when we got to the ,fifth avenue clock he found he should be late unless he ran1 and ,i was glad to let him go and turn back to meet ,m41 who had heavy books besides her umbrella4 ,the wind blew furiously1 my umbrella broke and flew off in a tangent1 and when ,i got it1 it turned wrong side out and ,i came near ascending as in a balloon2 ,m4 soon came in sight and ,i convoyed her safely to school4 ,mrs4 ---- told a friend of ours that ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,prentiss really enjoyed ,mrs4 ,c----'s death1 and they seemed destitute of natural affection2 and that as for ,mrs4 ,p4 it was plain she had never suffered in any way4 ,considering the tears we both shed over ,mrs4 ,c41 and some other little items in our past history1 we must set ,mrs4 ---- down as wiser than the ancients4 ,sunday ,evening4--,yesterday ,lizzy ,b4 came to say that her mother was in a gully and wanted me to come and pull her out4 ,i went and found her greatly depressed1 and felt sure it was all physical1 and not a case for special spiritual pulling4 ,so ,i coaxed her1 laughed at her1 and cheered her all ,i could4 ,she said she had been a solemn pig for a week1 in allusion to some pictures ,dr4 ,p4 had drawn for her and for me illustrating the solemn pig and the jolly pig4 ,mr4 ,randolph has sent up a letter from a man in ,nice whose wife wants to translate ,katy into ,french4 ,i sent word they might translate it into ,hottentot for all me4 ,good-night1 my dear1 ,i am sound asleep4 ,your affectionate ,mother ,,prentiss4 ,tuesday4--,on ,sunday papa preached a sermon in behalf of the ,mission1 asking for #ce1jjj to build a chapel1 for which ,mr4 ,cady had made a plan4 ,i got greatly stirred up1 as ,i hope everybody did4 ,mr4 ,dodge will give one-quarter of the sum needed4 ,it is ,washington's birthday1 and the children are all at home from school1 and are at the dining-room table drawing maps4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,g4 called1 but ,i was out seeing a poor woman1 whose romance of love and sorrow ,i should like to tell you about if it would not fill a book4 ,she says ,bishop ,s4 has supported her and her three children for seven months out of his own pocket4 ,saturday1 ,feb4 #bfth4--,your two last letters1 together with ,mrs4 ,smith's1 were all in the box as ,i was starting with ,m4 for her music4 ,my children pulled in opposite directions1 but ,i pushed on1 and papa saved the letters to read to me when ,i got back4 ,he reads them awfully1 and will puzzle over a word long enough for me to have leisure to go crazy and recover my sanity4 ,however1 nobody shall make fun of him save myself2 so look out4 ,the boys have gone skating to-day for the third time this winter1 there has been so little cold weather4 ,sunday ,evening4--,i did not mean to plague you with ,stepping ,heavenward any more1 but we have had a scene to-day which will amuse you and ,mrs4 ,smith4 ,just before service began1 an aristocratic-looking lady seated in front of ,mrs4 ,b4 began to talk to her1 whereupon ,mrs4 ,b4 turned round and announced to the congregation that ,i was the subject of it by pointing me out1 and then getting up and bringing her to our pew4 ,once there1 she seized me by the hand and said1 ,i am ,mrs4 ----4 ,i have just read your book and been carried away with it4 ,i knew your husband thirty-three years ago1 and have come here to see you both1 etc41 etc4 ,finding she could get nothing out of me1 she fell upon ,m41 and asked her if ,i was her sister1 which ,m4 declared ,i was not4 ,after church ,i invited her to step into the parsonage1 and she stepped in for an hour and told this story3 ,she had had the book lent her1 and yesterday1 lunching at ,mrs4 ,a4's1 asked her if she had read it1 and finding she had not1 made her promise to get it4 ,she then asked who this ,e4 ,prentiss was1 and a lady present enlightened her4 ,what6 my sister's beloved ,miss ,payson1 and married to ,george ,prentiss1 my old friend66 ,i'll go there to church to-morrow and see for myself4 ,so it turns out that she was a ,miss ----1 of ,mississippi2 that your father gallanted her to ,louisville1 when she was going there to be married at sixteen years of age2 that she was living in ,richmond at the time ,i was teaching there1 her sister boarding in the house with me4 ,such talking1 such life and enthusiasm you never saw in a woman of forty-eight6 ,well1 she winds up at last1 ,i've found two treasures1 and you needn't think ,i'm going to let you go4 ,i'll go home and tell ,mr4 ---- all about it4 ,papa and ,i have called each other two treasures ever since she went away4 ,the whole scene worked him up and did him good1 for he always loves to have his ,southern friends drum him up and talk to him of your ,uncle ,seargent and ,aunt ,anna4 ,mr4 ---- is one of our millionaires1 and she married him a year ago after thirteen years of widowhood4 ,she says she still has #bjj negroes1 who won't go away and won't work1 and she has them to support4 ,she talked very rationally about the war1 and says not a soul at the ,south would have slavery back if they could4444 ,i called at ,mrs4 ,b4's yesterday--at exactly the right moment1 she said2 for five surgeons had just decided that the operation had been a failure1 and that she must die4 ,her husband looked as white as this paper1 and the girls were in great distress1 but ,mrs4 ,b4 looked perfectly radiant4 ,saturday1 ,march #eth4--,yesterday ,i went to make a ghostly call on ,mrs4 ,b41 and kept her and the girls screaming with laughter for an hour1 which did me lots of good1 and ,i hope did not hurt them4 ,i have written the #djc;d page of my serial to-day1 and hope it is the last4 ,it will soon be time to think of the spring shopping4 ,i don't know what any of us need1 and never notice what people are wearing unless ,i notice by going forth on a tour of observation4 ,sunday ,evening4--,after church this afternoon ,mrs4 ,n4 and ,mrs4 ,v4 came in to tell us about the death of that servant of theirs1 whom they nursed in their own house1 who has been dying for seven months1 of cancer4 ,she died a most fearless1 happy death1 and ,i wish ,i knew ,i should be as patient in my last illness as they represent her as being4 ,your letters to the children came yesterday afternoon to their great delight4 ,in an evil moment ,i told the boys that ,i had seen it stated1 in some paper1 that benzole would make paper transparent1 and afterwards evaporate and leave the paper uninjured4 ,they drove me raving distracted with questions about it1 so that ,i had to be put in a strait-jacket4 ,the ingenuity and persistence of these questions1 asked by each1 in separate interviews1 was beyond description4 ,tuesday4--,for once ,i have been caught napping1 and have not mailed my weekly letter4 ,but you will be expecting some irregularity about the time of your flight to ,berlin4 ,i called at ,mrs4 ,m4's to-day1 and ran on at such a rate that ,mrs4 ,woolsey1 who was there1 gave me ten dollars for poor folks1 and said she wished ,i'd stay all day4 ,afterwards ,i went down town to get ,stepping ,heavenward for ,mr4 ,c41 and as he wanted me to write something in it1 have just written this3 ,mr4 ,c4 from ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 in loving memory of one who 'did outrun' us1 and stepped into heaven first4 ,mr4 ,bates showed me a half-column notice of it in the ,liberal ,christian1 #c of all places6 by very far the warmest and best of all that have appeared4 ,papa is at ,dr4 ,mc,clintock's funeral4 ,i declare1 if it isn't snowing again1 and the sun is shining6 ,now comes a letter from ,uncle ,charles1 saying that your ,uncle ,h4 has lost that splendid little girl of his2 the only girl he ever had1 and the child of his heart of hearts4 ,mrs4 ,w4 says she never saw papa and myself look so well1 but some gentleman told ,mr4 ,brace1 who told his wife1 who told me1 that ,i was killing myself with long walks4 ,i can not answer your questions about ,mr4 ----'s call4 ,so much is all the time going on that one event speedily effaces the impression of another4 ,march #abth4--,julia ,willis spent the evening here not long ago1 and made me laugh well4 ,she took me on ,friday to see ,fanny ,fern1 who hugged and kissed me1 and whom it was rather pleasant to see after nearly1 if not quite1 thirty years' separation4 ,she says nobody but a ,payson could have written ,stepping ,heavenward1 which is absurd4 ,march #agth4--,i went to the sewing circle #d and helped tuck a quilt1 had a talk with ,mrs4 ,w41 got home at a quarter of one and ate two apples1 and have been since then reading the secret correspondence of ,madame ,guyon and ,fenelon in old ,french4 ,saturday1 #aith4--,have just seen ,m4 to the ,conservatory2 met ,dr4 ,skinner on the way home1 who said he had been reading ,stepping ,heavenward1 and he hoped he should step all the faster for it4 ,z4 has often invited us to come to see her new home1 and as the #afth comes on a ,saturday1 we are talking a little of all going up to lunch with her4 ,evening4--,it has been such a nice warm day4 ,i had a pleasant call from ,mrs4 ,dr4 ----4 ,she asked me if ,i did not get the theology of ,stepping ,heavenward out of my father's ,thoughts1 but as ,i have not read them for thirty years1 ,i doubt if ,i did1 and as ,i am older than my father was when he uttered those thoughts1 ,i have a right to a theology of my own4 ,monday4--,yesterday1 in the afternoon1 we had the ,sunday-school anniversary1 which went off very well4 ,mr4 ,c4 came to tea2 after it and prayers1 we sat round the table and ,i read scraps from ,madame ,guyon and ,fenelon1 and we talked them over4 ,papa was greatly pleased at the latter's saying he often stopped in the midst of his devotions to play4 ,quand je suis seul1 je joue quelquefois comme un petit enfant1 mme en faisant oraison4 ,il m'arrive quelquefois de sauter et de rire tout seul comme un fou dans ma chambre4 ,avant-hier1 tant dans la sacristie et rpondant une personne qui me questionnait1 pour ne la point scandaliser sur la question1 je m'embarrassai1 et je fis une espce de mensonge2 cela me donna quelque rpugnance dire la ,messe1 mais je ne laissai pas de la dire4 ,i do not advise you to stop to play in the midst of your prayers1 or to tell une espce de mensonge6 till you are as much of a saint as he was4 #e ,saturday1 #bfth4--,your letter and ,mrs4 ,smith's came together this afternoon4 ,it is pleasant to hear from papa's old friends at ,halle1 and he will be delighted1 when he comes home from ,chi ,alpha1 where he is now4 ,lizzy ,b4 called this afternoon2 she wanted to open out her poor sick heart to me4 ,she quoted to me several things she says ,i wrote her a few weeks ago1 but ,i have not the faintest recollection of writing them4 ,that shows what a harum-scarum life ,i lead4 ,march #cast4--,we spent ,tuesday evening at the ,skinners4 ,we had a charming visit2 no one there but ,mrs4 ,sampson and her sister1 and ,dr4 ,s4 wide awake and full of enthusiasm4 ,we did not get to bed till midnight4 ,mrs4 ---- came this morning and begged me to lend her some money1 as she had got behindhand4 ,i let her have five dollars1 though ,i do not feel sure that ,i shall see it again1 and she wept a little weep1 and went away4 ,a lady told cousin ,c4 she had heard ,i was so shy that once having promised to go to a lunch party1 my courage failed at the last moment1 so that ,i could not go4 ,i shall expect to learn next that my hair is red4 ,monday1 ,april #dth4--,your presents came ,saturday while ,i was out4 ,we are all delighted with them1 but ,i was most so1 for two such darling little vases were surely never before seen4 ,m4 had ,maggie to spend ,saturday afternoon and take tea4 ,she asked me if ,i did not make a distinction between talent and genius1 which papa thought very smart of her4 ,i read aloud to them all the evening one of the ,german stories by ,julius ,horn4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,c4 came in after church and ,i asked them to stay to tea1 which they did4 ,after it was over1 and we had had prayers1 we had a little sing1 ,mrs4 ,c4 playing1 and among other things1 sang a little hymn of mine which ,i wrote ,i know not when1 but which papa liked well enough to have printed4 ,if copies come to-day1 as promised1 ,i will enclose one or two4 ,after the singing papa and ,i took turns1 as we could snatch a chance from each other1 in reading to them from favorite books1 which they enjoyed very much4 ,april #ith4--,we called on ,mrs4 ,h4 ,m4 ,field yesterday1 and ,i never saw 7or rather heard7 her so brilliant4 ,in the evening ,i read aloud to the children a real live1 wide-awake ,sunday-school book1 called ,old ,stories in a ,new ,dress2 ,bible stories1 headed thus3 ,the ,handsome ,rebel1 ,the ,young ,volunteer1 ,the ,ingenious ,mechanics4 ,april #afth4--,i can not go to bed1 my dear chicken1 till ,i have told you what a charming day we have had4 ,to go back to yesterday1 my headache entirely disappeared by the time the ,skinners got here1 and we had a pleasant cosy evening with them1 and at the end made ,dr4 ,skinner pray over us4444 ,everything went off nicely4 ,the children enjoyed the trip tremendously1 and hated to come away4 ,we picked a lot of filles avant la mre and they came home in good condition4 ,mr4 ,woolsey and ,z4 gave me a little silver figure holding a cup1 on blue velvet1 which is ever so pretty4 ,we got home at half-past six4 ,later in the evening ,president ,hopkins called to offer his congratulations4 ,and now ,i am tired1 ,i can tell you4 ,it is outrageous for you and the ,smiths to be away2 ,i don't see how you can have the heart4 ,you ought to come by dispatch as telegrams4 #agth4--,dr4 ,hopkins preached a splendid sermon #f for us this morning1 and came in after it for a call4 ,he asked me last night if ,i felt conceited about my book2 so ,i said to him1 ,i like to give people as good as they send--don't you feel a little conceited after that sermon8 on which he gave me a good shaking4 #ahth4--,i have been writing notes of thanksgiving1 each of which dear papa reads through rose-colored spectacles and says1 ,you do beat all6 ,i have enjoyed writing them1 instead of finding it a bore4 ,we shall be curious to hear how you celebrated our wedding-day4 ,well1 good-bye1 old child4 ,i shall begin another letter to-day1 as like as not4 ,monday1 ,april #beth4--,friday morning1 in the midst of my plans for helping ,aunt ,e4 shop1 came a message from ,mrs4 ,b4 that she wanted to see me4 ,i had not expected to see her again1 and of course was glad to go4 ,she had altered so that ,i should not have known her1 and it was hard to hear what she had to say1 she is so feeble4 ,she went back to the first time she saw me1 told me what ,i had on1 and how her heart was knitted to me4 ,she then spoke of her approaching death2 said she had no ecstasies1 no revelations1 but had been in perfect peace1 suffering agonies of pain1 yet not one pain too many4 ,i asked her if she had any parting counsel to give me4 ,no1 not a word2 ,i only wanted to see your sunny face once more1 and tell you what a comfort you have been to me in this sickness4 ,this all came at intervals1 she was so weak4 ,she afterward said1 ,i feel as if ,i never was acquainted with ,christ till now4 ,i tell my sons to become ,,intimately ,,acquainted with ,him4 ,i asked her if she took pleasure in thinking of meeting friends in heaven4 ,with a sweet1 somewhat comical smile1 she said1 ,no1 ,i haven't got so far as that4 ,i think only of meeting ,christ4 ,for all that1 ,i said1 you will soon see my father and mother and other kindred souls4 ,her face lighted up again4 ,why1 so ,i shall6 ,her lips were growing white with pain while this bright smile was on them1 and ,i came away1 though ,i should gladly have listened to her by the hour1 everything was so natural1 sound1 and-heavenly4 ,shopping after it did not prove particularly congenial2 but we must shop1 as well as die4 ,april #bith4--,your first ,dresden letter has just come2 yes1 it was long enough1 though you did not tell us how the cat did4 ,you speak as if you were going to ,paris1 but papa is positive you are not4 ,yesterday was a lovely day1 though very hot4 ,dr4 ,adams came and drove papa to the ,park4 ,late in the afternoon ,i went to see ,mrs4 ,g41 the woman whose husband is in jail4 ,she is usually all in a muss1 but this time was as nice as could be1 the floor clean and everything in order4 ,the baby1 a year old1 had learned to walk since ,i was last there1 and came and planted herself in front of me1 and stared at me out of two great bright eyes most of the time4 ,i had a nice visit1 as ,mrs4 ,g4 seems to be making a good use of her troubles4 ,after ,i got home1 ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,c4 arrived and we had dinner and a tremendous thunder shower1 after which he went out to make forty-'leven calls4 ,he was pleased to say that he wanted his wife to see the lovely family picture we make6 ,it is a glum1 cold1 lowering morning1 but the ,c4's are going to see the ,frenches at ,west ,point1 and ,miss ,lyman at ,vassar4 ,monday4--,i went to ,miss ,c4's 7the dressmaker7 again to-day1 and found her much out of health1 and about reducing her business and moving4 ,one of the old sisters had been reading ,stepping ,heavenward1 and almost ate me up4 ,i got a pleasant word about it last night1 from ,mrs4 ,general ,upton1 who has just died at ,nassau4 ,i have seen ,mrs4 ,b4 to-day2 she did not open her eyes1 but besought me to pray for her release4 ,she can't last long4 ,the boys are off rolling hoop again1 and ,m4 is out walking with ,ida4 ,papa informed me last night that ,i had got a very pretty bonnet4 ,the bonnets now consist of a little fuss and a good many flowers4 ,papa has gone to ,dorset1 and has had a splendid day for his journey4 ,thursday1 ,may #abth4--,yesterday ,miss ---- came to tell me about the killing of her brother on the railroad1 and to cry her very heart out on my shoulder4 ,in the midst of it came a note from ,lizzy ,b41 saying her mother had just dropped away4 ,i called there early this morning4 ,we then went to the ,park with your uncle and aunt2 after which they left and ,i rushed out to get cap and collar to wear at ,mrs4 ----'s dinner4 ,i got back in time to go to the funeral at four ,p4,m4 ,dr4 ,murray made an excellent1 appreciative address2 papa then read extracts from a paper of mine 7things she had said71 the prayer followed1 and then her sons sang a hymn4 #g ,i came home tired and laid me down to rest2 at half-past six it popped into my head that ,i was not dressed1 and ,i did it speedily4 ,we supposed we were only to meet the ,rev4 ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ----1 of ,brooklyn1 but1 lo6 a lot of people in full dress4 ,we had a regular state dinner1 course after course4 ,dr4 ---- sat next me and made himself very agreeable1 except when he said ,i was the most subtle satirist he ever met 7,i did run him a little74 ,mrs4 ---- is a picture4 ,she had a way of looking at me through her eyeglass till she put me out of countenance1 and then smiling in a sweet1 satisfied manner1 and laying down her glass4 ,we came home as soon as the gentlemen left the table1 and got here just as the clock was striking twelve4 ,friday4--,we began this day by going at ten ,a4,m4 to the funeral of ,mrs4 ,w4's poor little baby1 and the first words papa read1 ,it is better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting1 etc41 explained his and my state of mind after last night's dissipation4 ,he made a very touching address4 ,later in the day we went out to see ,miss ----1 as we had promised to do4 ,we went through the ,park1 lingered there a while1 and then went on and made a long call4 ,when we rose to come away1 she said she never let people go away without lunch and made us go down to the following3 buns1 three kinds of cake1 pies1 doughnuts1 cheese1 lemonade1 apples1 oranges1 pine-apples1 a soup tureen of strawberries1 a quart of cream1 two custard puddings1 one hot and one cold1 home-made wine1 cold corned beef1 cold roast beef1 and for aught ,i know #dj other things4 ,we came away awfully tired1 and papa complained of want of appetite at dinner66 ,good-bye1 dearie4 ,i forgot to tell you the boys have got a dog4 ,he came of his own accord and has made them very happy4 ,we haven't let papa see him1 you may depend4 ,wed41 ,may #ahth4--,papa is packing his trunk for ,philadelphia1 and ,i am sitting at my new library table to write on my letter4 ,i went yesterday to see that lady who has fits4 ,she had one in the morning that lasted over an hour and a half4 ,she is a very bright1 animated creature and does not look older than you4 ,thursday4--,papa got off yesterday at eleven for the ,general ,assembly and ,i went to ,mrs4 ,d4's and stayed four hours4 ,she sent for ,mr4 ,s4's baby1 who does not creep1 but walks in the quaintest little way4 ,i shall write a note to ,mr4 ,s41 who feels anxious at its not creeping1 fearing its limbs will not be strong1 to tell him that ,i hitched along exactly so4 ,now let me give you the history of this busy day4 ,we got up early and ,miss ,f4 called with ,m4's two dresses4 ,after prayers and breakfast ,i wrote to papa1 went to school with ,h41 and marketed4 ,came home and found a letter from ,cincinnati1 urging for two hymns right away for a new hymn-book4 ,they had several of mine already4 ,i said1 ,go to1 let us make a hymn 7,prof4 ,smith in his ,review7 and made and sent them4 ,then ,i wrote to ,mr4 ,s4 and to ,mrs4 ,charles ,w----4 #h ,then ,mrs4 ,c4 came and stayed till nearly four1 when she left and ,i went down to ,twenty-second street to call on a lady at the ,water ,cure4 ,then ,i went to see ,mrs4 ,c4 7the wife of the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,c474 ,i think ,i told you she had lost her little ,florence4 ,i do not remember ever seeing a person so broken down by grief2 she seemed absolutely heart-broken4 ,i could not get away till five1 and then ,i took two stages and got home as soon as ,i could1 knowing the children would be famishing4 ,so now count up my various professions1 chaplain1 marketer1 hymnist1 consoler of ,mr4 ,s41 ,mrs4 ,w41 ,mrs4 ,c41 and let me add1 of ,dr4 ,b41 who came and made a long call4 ,i am now going to lie down and read till ,i get rested1 for my brain has been on the steady stretch for thirteen hours1 one thing stepping on the heels of another4 #i ,may #bc;d4--,if your eyes were bright enough you might have seen me and my cousin ,george ,p---- tearing down ,broadway this afternoon1 as if mad dogs were after us4 ,he wanted me to have a fountain pen1 and the only way to accomplish it was to take me down to the place where they are sold1 below the ,astor ,house4 ,i wanted to walk1 and so did he1 but he had got to be on a boat for ,norwich at five ,p4,m4 and pack up between while2 however1 he concluded to risk it1 hence the way we raced was a caution4 ,i have just written him a long letter in rhyme with my new pen1 and now begin one in prose to you4 ,i have just got a letter from an anonymous admirer of ,stepping ,heavenward1 enclosing ten dollars to give away2 ,i wish it was a thousand6 ,the children are in tribulation about their kitten1 who committed suicide by knocking the ironing-board on to herself4 ,h4 made a diagram of the position of the board that ,i might fully comprehend the situation1 and then showed me how the corpse lay4 ,they were not willing to part with the remains1 and buried them in the yard4 ,saturday4--,i went to ,yonkers with ,m4 and ,h4 to spend the day with ,mrs4 ,b4 ,her children are sweet and interesting as ever2 but little ,maggie1 now three years old1 is the queen of the house4 ,she is a perfect specimen of what a child should be--gladsome1 well1 bright1 and engaging4 ,her cheeks are rosy and shining1 and she keeps up an incessant chatter4 ,they are all wild about her1 from papa and mamma down to the youngest child4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,home-,life in ,dorset4 ,,dorset1 ,june #aj1 #ahgj4 ,here we are again in dear old ,dorset4 ,we got here about ten on ,wednesday evening1 expecting to find the house dark and forlorn1 but ,mrs4 ,f4 had been down and lighted it up1 and put on the dining-table bread1 biscuits1 butter1 cakes1 eggs1 etc41 enough to last for days4 ,thursday was hotter than any day we had had in ,new ,york1 and not very good1 therefore1 for the hard work of unpacking1 and the yet harder work of sowing our flower-seeds in a huge bed shaped like a palm-leaf4 ,but1 with ,m4's help1 it was done before one o'clock to-day--a herculean task1 as the ground had to be thoroughly dug up with a trowel2 stones1 sticks1 and roots got out1 and the earth sifted in our hands4 ,the back of my neck and my ears are nearly blistered4 ,m4 is standing behind me now anointing me with cocoa butter4 ,our place looks beautifully4 ,some of the trees set out are twelve or fifteen feet high1 and when fully leaved will make quite a show4 ,papa is to be here about ten days1 as he greatly needs the rest2 he will then go home till ,july #ast1 when he will bring ,jane and ,martha4 ,i told ,martha ,i thought it very good of ,maria to be willing to come with me1 and she said she did not think it needed much goodness1 and that anybody would go with me anywhere4 ,the boys have a little black and tan dog which ,culyer gave them1 and ,m4's bird is a fine singer4 ,our family circle now consists of ,pa ,prentiss1 ,ma ,min4 ,geo4 ,hen4 ,maria 7horse7 ,coco 7cow7 ,sukey 7dog7 ,nep 7bird7 ,cherry ,we never saw ,dorset so early1 and when the foliage was in such perfection4 ,last ,tuesday ,i reached our door perfectly and disgracefully loaded with parcels1 and said to myself1 ,i wonder what ,mr4 ,m4 would say if he saw me with this load8 when instantly he opened the door to let me in6 ,account for this if you can4 ,why should ,i have thought of him among all the people ,i know8 ,did his mind touch mine through the closed door8 ,it makes me almost shudder to think such things can be4 ,well1 ,i must love and leave you4 ,i am going to have a small basket on the table in the hall with ferns1 mosses1 and shells in it4 ,they all send love from ,pa ,prentiss down to ,sukey4 ,what a pity you could not come home for the summer and go back again6 ,i believe ,i'll go to your bedroom door and say1 ,i wonder whether ,annie would shriek out if she saw me in this old sacque1 instead of her pretty one8 and perhaps you'll open and let me in4 ,will you or won't you8 ,now ,i'm going to ride4 ,i've been and ,i've got back1 and ,i'm frozen solid1 and am glad ,i've got back to my den4 ,g4 and ,h4 are now in the kitchen making biscuits4 ,good-bye1 chicken4 ,mamma ,,prentiss4 ,june #abth4--,everybody is in bed save ,darby and ,joan4 ,we slept last night under four blankets and a silk comforter1 which will give you a faint idea of the weather4 ,it has been beautiful to-day1 and we have sat out of doors a good deal4 ,papa and the boys went out to our hill after tea last evening and picked two quarts of strawberries1 so as to have a short-cake to-day4 ,m4 took me yesterday to see a nest in the orchard which was full of birds parted into fours--not a crack between1 and one of them so crowded that it filled about no space at all4 ,the hymn says1 ,birds in their little nests agree1 and ,i should think they would1 for they have no room to disagree in4 ,they all four stared at us with awful1 almost embarrassing solemnity1 and each had a little yellow moustache4 ,i had no idea they lived packed in so--no wonder they looked melancholy4 ,the sight of them1 especially of the one who had no room at all1 made me quite low-spirited4 ,wednesday4--,your letter reached us on ,monday1 and we all went out and sat in a row on the upper step1 like birds on a telegraph wire1 and papa read it aloud4 ,i am lying by to-day--writing1 reading1 lounging1 and enjoying the scenery4 ,you ought to see papa eat strawberries666 ,they are very plentiful on our hill4 ,the grass on the lawn is pricking up like needles2 easy to see if you kneel down and stare hard1 but absolutely invisible otherwise2 yet papa keeps calling me to look out of the window and admire it1 and shouts to people driving by to do the same4 ,he has just come in1 and ,i told him what ,i was saying about him1 on which he gave me a good beating1 doubled up his fist at me1 and then kissed me to make up4444 ,don't sew ,isn't it enough that ,i have nearly killed myself with doing it8 ,we have just heard of the death of ,dickens and the sensation it is making in ,england4 ,thursday4--,this bird of ours is splendid4 ,i have just framed the two best likenesses of you and hung them up in front of my table4 ,you would laugh at papa's ways about coffee4 ,he complains that he drank too much at ,philadelphia1 and says that with strawberries we don't need it1 and that ,i may tell ,maria so4 ,i tell her1 and lo6 the next morning there it is4 ,i ask the meaning1 and she says he came down saying ,i did not feel very well and needed it6 ,the next day it appears again4 ,why8 ,he had been down and ordered it because it was good4 ,the next day he orders it because it is his last day here but one1 and to-morrow it will be on the table because it is the last6 ,dreadful man6 and yet ,i hate to have him go4 ,friday4--,i drove papa to ,manchester1 and as usual1 this exploit brought on a thunder shower1 with a much needed deluge of rain4 ,i had a hard time getting home1 and got wet to the skin4 ,i had not only to drive1 but keep a roll of matting from slipping out1 hold up the boot and the umbrella1 and keep stopping to get my hat out of my eyes1 which kept knocking over them4 ,then ,coco goes like the wind this summer4 ,fortunately ,i had my waterproof with me and got home safely4 ,the worst of it is that1 in my bewilderment1 ,i refused to let a woman get in who was walking to ,south ,dorset4 ,i shall die of remorse44 ,well1 well1 how it is raining1 to be sure4 ,monday4--,i hear that papa sent a dispatch to somebody to know how ,i got here from ,manchester4 ,i do not wonder he is worried4 ,i am such a poor driver1 and it rained so dreadfully4 ,m4 follows me round like a little dog2 if ,i go down cellar she goes down2 if ,i pick a strawberry she picks one2 if ,i stop picking she stops4 ,she is the sweetest lamb that ever was1 and ,i am the ,mary that's got her4 ,i don't believe anybody else in the world loves me so well1 unless it possibly is papa1 and he doesn't follow me down cellar1 and goes off and picks strawberries all by himself1 and that on ,sunday1 too1 when ,i had forbidden berrypicking6 ,we are rioting in strawberries1 just as we did last summer4 ,we live a good deal at sixes and sevens1 but nobody cares4 ,this afternoon ,i have been arranging a basket for the hall table1 with mosses1 ferns1 shells and white coral2 ever so pretty4 ,wednesday4--,it is a splendid day and ,i expect papa4 ,the children have not said a word about their food1 though partly owing to no butcher and partly to the heat1 ,i have had for two days next to nothing2 picked fish one day and fish picked the next4 ,we regarded to-day's dinner as a most sumptuous one1 and ,i am sure ,victoria's won't taste so good to her4 ,letters keep pouring in1 urging papa to accept the ,professorship at ,chicago1 and declaring the vote of the ,assembly to be the voice of ,god4 ,of course1 if he must accept1 we should have to give up our dear little home here4 ,but to me his leaving the ministry would be the worst thing about it4 ,after dinner the boys carried me off bodily to see strawberries and other plants2 then they made me go to the mill1 and by that time ,i had no hair-pins on my head1 to say nothing of hair4 ,the boys are working away like all possessed4 ,a little bird1 probably one of those hatched here1 has just come and perched himself on the piazza1 railing in front of me1 and is making me an address which1 unfortunately1 ,i do not understand4444 ,you have inherited from me a want of reverence for relics and the like4 ,i wouldn't go as far as our barn to see the fig-leaves ,adam and ,eve wore1 or all the hair of all the apostles2 and when people are not born hero-worshippers1 they can't even worship themselves as heroes4 ,fancy ,dr4 ,schaff sending me back the ,,ms4 of a hymn ,i gave him1 from a ,london printing-office6 ,what could ,i do with it8 cover jelly with it8 ,he sent me a beautiful copy of his book1 ,christ in ,song4 ,thursday1 ,june #cjth4--,papa1 with ,j4 and ,m41 came late last night1 and we all made as great a time as if the ,great ,mogul had come4 ,they give a most terrific account of the heat in the city4 ,you ask how ,stepping ,heavenward is selling4 ,so far #ad1jjj4 ,nidworth has been a complete failure1 though the publishers write me that it is a gem4 #aj ,monday1 ,july #dth4--,m4 is so absorbed in the study of ,vick's floral catalogue that she speaks of seeing such a thing in the ,bible or ,dictionary1 when she means that she saw it in ,vick4 ,i did the same thing last night4 ,she and ,i get down on our knees and look solemnly at the bare ground and point out up-springing weeds as better than nothing4 ,i had a long call this morning from ,mrs4 ,f4 ,field1 of ,east ,dorset4 ,they had a dear little bright-eyed baby baptized yesterday1 which sat through all the morning service and behaved even better than ,i did1 for it had no wandering thoughts4 ,mrs4 ,f4 said some friends of hers in ,brooklyn received letters from ,france and from ,japan simultaneously1 urging them to read ,stepping ,heavenward1 which was the first they heard of it4 ,we have celebrated the glorious ,fourth by making and eating ice-cream4 ,papa brought a new-fashioned freezer1 that professed to freeze in two minutes4 ,we screwed it to the wood-house floor--or rather ,h4 did--put in the cream1 and the whole family stood and watched papa while he turned the handle4 ,at the end of two minutes we unscrewed the cover and gazed inside1 but there were no signs of freezing1 and to make a long story short1 instead of writing a book as ,i said ,i should1 there we all were from half-past twelve to nearly two o'clock1 when we decided to have dinner and leave the servants to finish it4 ,it came on to the table at last1 was very rich and rather good4 ,the boys spent the afternoon in the woods firing off crackers4 ,m4 went visiting and papa took me to drive1 it being a delightful afternoon4 ,the boys have a few ,roman candles which they are going to send off as soon as it gets dark enough4 ,july #acth4--,this is a real ,dorset day1 after a most refreshing rain1 and ,m4 and ,i have kept out of doors the whole morning1 gardening and in the woods4 ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,humphrey came down and spent last evening4 ,she is bright and wide awake1 and admired everything from the scenery out of doors to the matting and chintzes within4 ,i told her there was nothing in the house to be compared with those who lived in it4 ,here comes a woman with four quarts of black raspberries and a fuss to make change4 ,papa and the boys are getting in the last hay with ,albert4 ,m4 has just brought in your letter4 ,we are glad you have seen those remarkable scenes at ,ober-,ammergau4,one would fancy it would become an old story4 ,i should not like to see the crucifixion2 it must be enough to turn one's hair white in a single night4 ,saturday4--,yesterday ,i went with the children to walk round ,rupert4 ,we turned off the road to please the boys1 to a brook with a sandy beach1 where all three fell to digging wells1 and ,i fell to collecting wild grape-vine and roots for my rustic work1 and fell into the brook besides4 ,we all enjoyed ourselves so much that we wished we had our dinners and could stay all day4 ,on the way home1 just as we got near ,col4 ,sykes'1 we spied papa with the phaeton1 and all got in4 ,we must have cut a pretty figure1 driving through the village2 ,m4 in my lap1 ,g4 in papa's1 and ,h4 everywhere in general4 ,july #adth4--,miss ,vance was in last evening after tea1 and says our lawn is getting on extremely well and that our seeds are coming up beautifully4 ,this greatly soothed ,m4's and my own uneasy heart1 as we had rather supposed the lawn ought to be a thick velvet1 and the seeds we sowed two weeks ago up and blooming4 ,if vegetable corresponded to animal life1 this would be the case4 ,fancy that what were eggs long after we came here1 and then naked birds1 are now full-fledged creatures on the wing1 all off getting to housekeeping1 each on his own hook6 ,july #ahth4--,m4 and ,i went on a tramp this forenoon and while we were gone ,mrs4 ,m4 ,o4 ,r4 and ,mary and ,mrs4 ,van ,w4 called4 ,they brought news of the coming war4 ,papa showed them all over the house1 not excepting your room1 which ,i think a perfect shame--for the room looks forlorn4 ,i think men ought to be suppressed1 or something done to them4 ,maria told me she thought papa's sermon ,sunday was ilegant4 #bast4--,i feel greatly troubled lest this dreadful war should cut us off from each other4 ,mr4 ,butler writes that he does not see how people are to get home1 and we do not see either4 ,papa says it will probably be impossible to have the ,evangelical ,alliance4 ,and how prices of finery will go up6 ,july #bgth4--,m4's and my own perseverance at our flower-bed is beginning1 at last1 to be rewarded4 ,we have portulaccas1 mignonette1 white candy-tuft1 nasturtiums1 eutocas1 etc42 and the morning-glories1 which are all behindhand1 are just beginning to bloom4 ,never were flowers so fought for4 ,it is the lion and the unicorn over again4 ,i have nearly finished ,soll und ,haben1 and feel more like talking ,german than ,english4 ,the ,riverside ,magazine has just come and completed my downfall1 as it has a syllable left out of one of my verses1 as has been the case with a hymn in the hymn-book at ,cincinnati and one in the ,association ,monthly4 ,i am now fairly entitled to the reputation of being a jolty rhymster4 ,it has been a trifle cooler to-day and we are all refreshed by the change4 ,friday4--,papa read me last evening a nice thing about ,stepping ,heavenward from ,dr4 ,robinson in ,paris and a lady in ,zurich1 and ,i went to bed and slept the sleep of the just--till daylight1 when five hundred flies began to flap into my ears1 up my nose1 take nips off my face and hands1 and drove me distracted4 ,they woke papa1 too1 but he goes to sleep between the pecks4 ,august #dth4--,tuesday ,i went on a tramp with ,m4 and brought home a gigantic bracket4 ,we met papa as we neared the house1 and he had had his first bath in his new tank at the mill1 and was wild with joy1 as were also the boys4 ,after dinner ,i made a picture frame of mosses1 lichens1 and red and yellow toadstools1 ever so pretty2 then proofs came1 then we had tea1 and then went and made calls4 ,yesterday on a tramp with ,m41 who wanted mosses1 then home with about a bushel of ground-pine4 ,every minute of the afternoon ,i spent in trimming the grey room with the pine and getting up my bracket1 and now the room looks like a bower of bliss4 ,i was to go with ,m4 on another tramp to-day1 but it rains1 and rain is greatly needed4 ,the heat in ,new ,york is said to exceed anything in the memory of man1 something absolutely appalling4 ,friday4--,here ,i am on the piazza with ,miss ,k4 by my side1 reading the ,life of ,faber4 ,she got here last night in a beautiful moonlight1 and as ,i had not told her about the scenery1 she was so enchanted with it on opening her blinds this morning1 that she burst into tears4 ,i drove her round ,rupert and took her into ,cheney's woods1 and the boys invited us down to their workshop2 so we went1 and ,i was astonished to find that the bath-house is really a perfect affair1 with two dressing-rooms and everything as neat as a pink4 ,miss ,k4 is charmed with everything1 the cornucopias1 natural brackets1 crosses1 etc41 and her delusion as to all of us1 whom she fancies saints and angels1 is quite charming1 only it won't last4 #acth4--,there is a good deal of sickness about the village4 ,i made wine-jelly for four different people yesterday1 and the rest of the morning ,miss ,k41 ,mrs4 ,humphrey1 and myself sat on a shawl in our woods1 talking4 ,we have had a tremendous rain1 to our great delight1 and the air is cooler1 but the grasshoppers1 which are like the frogs of ,egypt1 are not diminished1 and are devouring everything4 ,i got a letter from cousin ,mary yesterday1 who says she has no doubt we shall get the ocean up here1 somehow1 and raise our own oysters and clams4 #afth4--,papa and ,i went to ,manchester to-day to make up a lot of calls1 and among other persons1 we saw ,mrs4 ,c4 of ,troy1 a bright-eyed old lady who was a schoolmate of my mother's4 ,she could not tell me anything about her except that she was very bright and animated1 and that ,i knew before4 ,mrs4 ,wickham asked me to write some letters for a fair to be held for their church to-morrow2 so ,i wrote three in rhyme1 not very good4 ,august #bjth4--,after dinner papa went to ,manchester1 taking both boys1 and ,i went off with ,m4 to ,cheney's woods1 where we got baskets full of moss1 etc41 and had a good time4 ,the children are all wild on the subject of flowers and spend the evening studying the catalogues1 which they ought to know by heart4 ,i wonder if ,i have told you how our dog hates to remember the ,sabbath day to keep it holy8 ,the moment the church-bell begins to ring1 no matter where he is1 or how soundly asleep1 he runs out and gazes in the direction of the church1 and as the last stroke strikes1 lifts his nose high in the air and sets up the most awful wails1 howls1 groans1 despairing remonstrances you can imagine4 ,no games with the boys to-day--no romps1 no going to ,manchester1 everybody telling me to get off their ,sunday clothes--aow6 aow6 aow6 ,dr4 ,adams' house has been broken into and robbed1 and so has ,dr4 ,field's4 ,mrs4 ,h4 gave us the history of a conflict in ,chicago between her husband and a desperate burglar armed with a dirk1 who wanted1 but did not get a large sum of money under his pillow2 also1 of his being garroted and robbed1 and having next day sent him a purse of #aej1 two pistols1 a slug1 a loaded cane1 and a watchman's rattle4 ,imagine him as going about loaded with all these things6 ,i never knew people who had met with such bewitching adventures1 and she has the brightest way of telling them4 ,papa has got a telegram from ,dr4 ,schaff asking him to come on to his little ,johnny's funeral4 ,this death must have been very sudden1 as ,dr4 ,schaff wrote last ,tuesday that his wife was sick1 but said nothing of ,johnny4 ,he is the youngest boy1 about nine years old1 ,i think1 and you will remember they lost ,philip1 a beautiful child1 born the same day as our ,g41 the summer we were at ,hunter4 ,when the despatch came papa and ,m4 thought it was bad news about you1 and ,i only thought of ,mr4 ,stearns6 ,there is no accounting for the way in which the human mind works4 ,and now for bed1 you sleepy head4 ,monday4--,a splendid day1 and we have all been as busy as bees1 if not as useful1--,h4 making a whip to chastise the cow with1 ,m41 ,nep and myself collecting mosses and toadstools2 of the latter ,i brought home #ahe6 ,we were out till dinner-time1 and after dinner ,i changed the mosses in my baskets and jardinet1 no small job1 and ,m4 spread out her treasures4 ,she has at last found her enthusiasm1 and ,i am so glad not only to have found a mate in my tramps1 but to see such a source of pleasure opening before her as woods1 fields and gardens have always been to me4 ,we lighted this morning on what ,i supposed to be a horned-headed1 ferocious snake1 and therefore took great pleasure in killing4 ,it turned out to be a common striped snake that had got a frog partly swallowed1 and its legs sticking out so that ,i took them to be horns4 ,nep relieved his mind by barking at it4 ,i announced at dinner that ,i was going to send for ,vick's catalogue of bulbs1 which news was received with acclamation4 ,the fact is1 we all seem to be born farmers or florists2 and unless you bring us home something in the agricultural line1 ,i don't know that you can bring us anything we would condescend to look at4 ,it is awful to read of the carnage going on in ,europe4 ,aug4 #bgth4--,papa got home ,tuesday night4 ,johnny ,schaff's death was from a fall2 he left the house full of life and health1 and in a few minutes was brought in insensible1 and only lived half an hour4444 ,i take no pleasure in writing you1 because we feel that you are not likely to get my letters4 ,still1 ,i can not make up my mind to stop writing4 ,never was a busier set of people than we4 ,in the evening ,i read to the children from the ,german books you sent them2 am now on ,thelka ,von ,grumpert's1 which is a really nice book4 ,i tell papa we are making an idol out of this place1 but he says we are not4 ,tuesday4--,we all set out to climb the mountain near ,deacon ,kellogg's4 ,we snatched what we could for our dinner1 and when we were ready to eat it1 it proved to be eggs1 bread and meat1 cake1 guava jelly1 cider and water4 ,we enjoyed the splendid view and the dinner1 and then papa and the boys went home1 and ,m41 ,nep and myself proceeded to climb higher1 ,nep so affectionate that he tired me out hugging me with his arms1 as ,h4 calls them1 and nearly eating me up1 while ,m4 was shaking with laughter at his silly ways4 ,we were gone from #aj ,a4,m4 to nearly #f ,p4,m41 and brought home in baskets1 bags1 pockets and bosom1 about thirty natural brackets1 some very large and fearfully heavy4 ,one was so heavy that ,i brought it home by kicking it down the mountain4 ,i have just got some flower seeds for fall planting1 and the children are looking them over as some would gems from the mine4 ,thursday1 ,september #ast4--,your letter has come1 and we judge that you have quite given up ,paris2 what a pity to have to do it6 ,we spent yesterday at ,hager brook with ,mrs4 ,humphrey and her daughters2 papa drove us over in the straw wagon and came for us about #f ,p4,m4 ,we had lobster salad and marmalade1 bread and butter and cake1 and we roasted potatoes and corn1 and the ,h4's had a pie and things of that sort4 ,when they saw the salad they set up such shouts of joy that papa came to see what was the matter4 ,we had a nice time4 ,today ,i have had proofs to correct and letters to write1 and berries to dry1 but not a minute to sit down and think1 everybody needing me at once4 ,all are busy as bees and send lots of love4 ,give ever so much to the ,smiths4 ,september #hth4--,here we are all sitting round the parlor table4 ,the last three days have each brought a letter from you1 and to-day one came from ,mrs4 ,s4 to me1 and one from ,prof4 ,s4 to papa4 ,i have no doubt that the decision for you to return is a wise one and hope you will fall in with it cheerfully4 ,dr4 ,schaff is here1 and yesterday papa took him to ,hager brook1 and to-day to the quarries2 splendid weather for both excursions1 and ,dr4 ,s4 seems to have enjoyed them extremely4 ,last evening he read to us some private letters of ,bismarck1 which were very interesting and did him great credit in every way4 ,i had a long call from ,m4 ,h4 to-day2 she looked as sweet as possible and ,i loaded her with flowers4 ,papa is writing ,mr4 ,b4 to thank him for a basket of splendid peaches he sent us to-day4 ,h4 has just presented me with three pockets full of toadstools4 ,m4 walked with me round ,rupert square this afternoon1 and we met a crazy woman who said she wondered ,i did not go into fits1 and asked me why ,i didn't4 ,in return ,i asked her where she lived1 to which she replied1 ,in the world4 ,we are all on the qui vive about the war news1 especially ,louis ,napoleon's downfall1 and you may depend we are glad he has used himself up4 ,you can not bring anything to the children that will please them as seeds would4 ,it delights me to see them so interested in garden work4 ,perhaps this will be my last letter4 ,your loving ,mammie4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,further ,glimpses of her ,dorset ,life4 ,the following ,recollections of ,mrs4 ,prentiss by her friend1 ,mrs4 ,frederick ,field1 now of ,san ,jose1 ,california1 afford additional glimpses of her home life in ,dorset4 ,the picture is drawn in fair colors2 but it is as truthful as it is fair3 ,it was the first ,sunday in ,september1 #ahff4 ,a quiet1 perfect day among the green hills of ,vermont2 a sacramental ,sabbath1 and we had come seven miles over the mountain to go up to the house of the ,lord4 ,i had brought my little two-months-old baby in my arms1 intending to leave her during the service at our brother's home1 which was near the church4 ,i knew that ,mrs4 ,prentiss was a summer-boarder in this home1 that she was the wife of a distinguished clergyman1 and a literary woman of decided ability2 but it was before the ,stepping ,heavenward epoch of her life1 and ,i had no very deep interest in the prospect of meeting her4 ,we went in at the hospitably open door1 and meeting no one1 sat down in the pleasant family living-room4 ,it was about noon1 and we could hear cheerful voices talking over the lunch-table in the dining-room4 ,presently the door opened1 and a slight1 delicate-featured woman1 with beautiful large dark eyes1 came with rapid step into the room1 going across to the hall door2 but her quick eye caught a glimpse of my little bundle of flannel1 and not pausing for an introduction or word of preparatory speech1 she came towards me with a beaming face and outstretched hands3-- ,o1 have you a baby there8 ,how delightful6 ,i haven't seen one for such an age1--please1 may ,i take it8 the darling tiny creature6--a girl8 ,how lovely6 ,she took the baby tenderly in her arms and went on in her eager1 quick1 informal way1 but with a bright little blush and smile1--,i'm not very polite--pray1 let me introduce myself6 ,i'm ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 and you are ,mrs4 ,f---1 ,i know4 ,after a little more sweet1 motherly comment and question over the baby1--a touch of nature which at once made us akin1 she asked1 ,have you brought the baby to be christened8 ,i said1 ,no1 ,i thought it would be better to wait till she was a little older4 ,o1 no6 she pleaded1 do let us take her over to the church now4 ,the younger the better1 ,i think2 it is so uncertain about our keeping such treasures4 ,i still objected that ,i had not dressed the little one for so public an occasion4 ,o1 never mind about that1 she said4 ,she is really lovelier in this simple fashion than to be loaded with lace and embroidery4 ,then1 her sweet face growing more earnest1--,there will be more of us here to-day than at the next communion--more of us to pray for her4 ,the little lamb was taken into the fold that day1 and ,i was ,mrs4 ,prentiss' warm friend forevermore4 ,her whole beautiful character had revealed itself to me in that little interview1--the quick perception1 the wholly frank1 unconventional manner1 the sweet motherliness1 the cordial interest in even a stranger1 the fervent piety which could not bear delay in duty1 and even the quaint1 original1 forcible thought and way of expressing it1 ,there'll be more of us here to pray for her to-day4 ,for seven successive summers ,i saw more or less of her in this ,earthly ,paradise1 as she used to call it1 and once ,i visited her in her city home4 ,i have been favored with many of her sparkling1 vivacious letters1 and have read and re-read all her published writings2 but that first meeting held in it for me the key-note of all her wonderfully beautiful and symmetrical character4 ,she brought to that little hamlet among the hills a sweet and wholesome and powerful influence4 ,while her time was too valuable to be wasted in a general sociability1 she yet found leisure for an extensive acquaintance1 for a kindly interest in all her neighbors1 and for ,christian work of many kinds4 ,probably the weekly meeting for ,bible-reading and prayer1 which she conducted1 was her closest link with the women of ,dorset2 but these meetings were established after ,i had bidden good-bye to the dear old town1 and ,i leave others to tell how their hearts burned within them as she opened to them the ,scriptures4 ,she had in a remarkable degree the lovely feminine gift of home-making4 ,she was a true decorative artist4 ,her room when she was boarding1 and her home after it was completed1 were bowers of beauty4 ,every walk over hill and dale1 every ramble by brookside or through wildwood1 gave to her some fresh home-adornment4 ,some shy wildflower or fern1 or brilliant-tinted leaf1 a bit of moss1 a curious lichen1 a deserted bird's-nest1 a strange fragment of rock1 a shining pebble1 would catch her passing glance and reveal to her quick artistic sense possibilities of use which were quaint1 original1 characteristic4 ,one saw from afar that hers was a poet's home2 and1 if permitted to enter its gracious portals1 the first impression deepened into certainty4 ,there was as strong an individuality about her home1 and especially about her own little study1 as there was about herself and her writings4 ,a cheerful1 sunny1 hospitable ,christian home6 ,far and wide its potent influences reached1 and it was a beautiful thing to see how many another home1 humble or stately1 grew emulous and blossomed into a new loveliness4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss was naturally a shy and reserved woman1 and necessarily a pre-occupied one4 ,therefore she was sometimes misunderstood4 ,but those who--knew her best1 and were blest with her rare intimacy1 knew her as a perfect woman nobly planned4 ,her conversation was charming4 ,her close study of nature taught her a thousand happy symbols and illustrations1 which made both what she said and wrote a mosaic of exquisite comparisons4 ,her studies of character were equally constant and penetrating4 ,nothing escaped her2 no peculiarity of mind or manner failed of her quick observation1 but it was always a kindly interest4 ,she did not ridicule that which was simply ignorance or weakness1 and she saw with keen pleasure all that was quaint1 original1 or strong1 even when it was hidden beneath the homeliest garb4 ,she had the true artist's liking for that which was simple and genre4 ,the common things of common life appealed to her sympathies and called out all her attention4 ,it was a real1 hearty interest1 too--not feigned1 even in a sense generally thought praiseworthy4 ,indeed1 no one ever had a more intense scorn of every sort of feigning4 ,she was honest1 truthful1 genuine to the highest degree4 ,it may have sometimes led her into seeming lack of courtesy1 but even this was a failing which leaned to virtue's side4 ,i chanced to know of her once calling with a friend on a country neighbor1 and finding the good housewife busy over a rag-carpet4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 who had never chanced to see one of these bits of rural manufacture in its elementary processes1 was full of questions and interest1 thereby quite evidently pleasing the unassuming artist in assorted rags and home-made dyes4 ,when the visitors were safely outside the door1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss' friend turned to her with the exclamation1 ,what tact you have6 ,she really thought you were interested in her work6 ,the quick blood sprang into ,mrs4 ,prentiss' face1 and she turned upon her friend a look of amazement and rebuke4 ,tact6 she said1 ,i despise such tact6--do you think ,i would look or act a lie8 ,she was an exceedingly practical woman1 not a dreamer4 ,a systematic1 thorough housekeeper1 with as exalted ideals in all the affairs which pertain to good housewifery as in those matters which are generally thought to transcend these humble occupations4 ,like ,solomon's virtuous woman she looked well after the ways of her household4 ,methodical1 careful of minutes1 simple in her tastes1 abstemious1 and therefore enjoying evenly good health in spite of her delicate constitution--this is the secret of her accomplishing so much4 ,yet all this foundation of exactness and diligence was so rounded with leafy gracefulness that she never seemed angular or unyielding4 ,with her children she was a model disciplinarian1 exceedingly strict1 a wise law-maker2 yet withal a tender1 devoted1 self-sacrificing mother4 ,i have never seen such exact obedience required and given--or a more idolized mother4 ,mamma's word was indeed ,law1 but--,o1 happy combination6--it was also ,gospel6 ,how warm and true her friendship was6 ,how little of selfishness in all her intercourse with other women6 ,how well she loved to be of service to her friends6 ,how anxious that each should reach her highest possibilities of attainment6 ,i record with deepest sense of obligation the cordial1 generous1 sympathetic assistance of many kinds extended by her to me during our whole acquaintance4 ,to every earnest worker in any field she gladly lent a hand1 rejoicing in all the successes of others as if they were her own4 ,but if weakness1 or trouble1 or sorrow of any sort or degree overtook one she straightway became as one of ,god's own ministering spirits--an angel of strength and consolation4 ,always more eager1 however1 that souls should grow than that pain should cease4 ,volumes could be made of her letters to friends in sorrow4 ,one tender monotone steals through them all1-- ',come unto me1 my kindred1 ,i enfold you ,in an embrace to sufferers only known2 ,close to this heart ,i tenderly will hold you1 ,suppress no sigh1 keep back no tear1 no moan4 ,thou ,man of ,sorrows1 teach my lips that often ,have told the sacred story of my woe1 ,to speak of ,thee till stony griefs ,i soften1 ,till hearts that know ,thee not learn ,thee to know4 ,till peace takes place of storm and agitation1 ,till lying on the current of ,thy will ,there shall be glorying in tribulation1 ,and ,christ ,himself each empty heart shall fill4 ,few have the gift or the courage to deal faithfully yet lovingly with an erring soul1 but she did not shrink back even from this service to those she loved4 ,i can bear witness to the wisdom1 penetration1 skill1 and fidelity with which she probed a terribly wounded spirit1 and then said with tender solemnity1 ,i think you need a great deal of good praying4 ,o1 vanished hand1 still beckon to us from the ,eternal ,heights6 ,o1 voice that is still1 speak to us yet from the ,shining ,shore6 ,still let thy mild rebuking stand ,between us and the wrong1 ,and thy dear memory serve to make ,our faith in goodness strong4 #a ,see the poem in the appendix to ,golden ,hours1 with the ,reply of the ,new ,year1 written by ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 #b ,a clerical circle of ,new ,york4 #c ,a ,unitarian paper1 published in ,new ,york4 #d ,an association of ladies for providing garments and other needed articles in aid of families of ,home and ,foreign missionaries1 especially of those connected in any way with their own congregation4 ,such a circle is found in most of the ,american churches4 #e ,the passage occurs in a letter to ,madame ,guyon1 dated ,june #i1 #afhi4 ,for another extract from the same letter see appendix ,f1 p4 #eeg4 #f ,on the ,resurrection of ,christ4 #g ,helen ,rogers ,blakeman1 wife of ,w4 ,n4 ,blakeman1 ,m4,d41 was born on the #bjth of ,december1 #ahaa1 in the city of ,new ,york4 ,she was a granddaughter of the ,rev4 ,james ,caldwell1 of ,elizabethtown1 ,new ,jersey1 the ,revolutionary patriot4 ,the tragical fate of her grandmother has passed into history4 ,when the ,british forces reached ,connecticut ,farms1 on the #gth of ,june1 #aghj1 and began to burn and pillage the place1 ,mrs4 ,caldwell1 who was then living there1 retired with her two children--one an infant in her arms--to a back room in the house4 ,here1 while engaged in prayer1 she was shot through the window4 ,two bullets struck her in the breast and she fell dead upon the floor4 ,the infant in her arms was ,mrs4 ,blakeman's mother4 ,on the father's side1 too1 she was of an old and ,god-fearing family4 #h ,your precious lamb was very near my heart2 few knew so well as ,i did all you suffered for and with her1 for few have been over just the ground ,i have4 ,but that is little to the purpose2 what ,i was going to say is this1--',god never makes a mistake4' ,you know and feel it1 ,i am sure1 but when we are broken down with grief1 we like to hear simple words1 oft repeated4 ,on this anniversary of my child's death1 ,i feel drawn to you4 ,it was a great blow to us because it came to hearts already sore with sorrow for our boy1 and because it came so like a thunderclap1 and because she suffered so4 ,your baby's death brought it all back4--,from the ,letter to ,mrs4 ,w4 #i ,i must tell you what a busy day ,i had yesterday1 being chaplain1 marketer1 mother1 author1 and consoler from early morning till nine at night4444 ,a letter came from ,cincinnati from the editor of the hymn-book of the ,y4,m4,c4,a41 saying he had some of my hymns in it1 and had stopped the press in order to have two more1 which he wanted 'right away4' ,i was exactly in the mood2 it was our little ,bessie's anniversary1 she had been in heaven eighteen years2 think what she has already gained by my one year of suffering6 and ,i wanted to spend it for others1 not for myself4--,letter to her ,husband1 ,may #bj4 #aj ,nidworth1 and ,his ,three ,magic ,wands1 published by ,roberts ,brothers4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,the ,,trial ,,of ,,faith4 #ahga-ahgb4 ,i4 ,two ,years of ,suffering4 ,its ,nature and ,causes4 ,spiritual ,conflicts4 ,ill-health4 ,faith a ,gift to be won by ,prayer4 ,death-bed of ,dr4 ,skinner4 ,visit to ,philadelphia4 ,daily ,food4 ,how to read the ,bible so as to love it more4 ,letters of ,sympathy and ,counsel4 ,prayer for ,holiness brings ,suffering4 ,perils of human ,friendship4 ,if in the life of ,mrs4 ,prentiss the year #ahgj was marked with a white stone as one of great happiness1 the two following years were marked by unusual and very acute suffering4 ,perhaps something of this was1 sooner or later1 to have been looked for in the experience of one whose organization1 both physical and mental1 was so intensely sensitive4 ,tragical elements are latent in every human life1 especially in the life of woman4 ,and the finer qualities of her nature1 her vast capacity of loving and of self-sacrifice1 her peculiar cares and trials1 as well as outward events1 are always tending to bring these elements into action4 ,what scenes surpassing fable1 scenes both bright and sad1 belong to the secret history of many a quiet woman's heart6 ,then our modern civilization1 while placing woman higher in some respects than she ever stood before1 at the same time makes her pay a heavy price for her advantages4 ,in the very process of enlarging her sphere and opportunities1 whether intellectual or practical1 and of educating her for their duties1 does it not also expose her to moral shocks and troubles and lacerations of feeling almost peculiar to our times8 ,nor is religion wholly exempt from the spirit that rules the age or the hour4 ,there is a close1 though often very subtle1 connexion between the two2 just as there is between the working of nature and grace in the individual soul4 ,the phase of her history upon which ,mrs4 ,prentiss was now entering can not be fully understood without considering it in this light4 ,the melancholy that was deep-rooted in her temperament1 and her tender1 all-absorbing sympathies1 made her very quick to feel whatever of pain or sorrow pervaded the social atmosphere about her4 ,the thought of what others were suffering would intrude even upon her rural retreat among the mountains1 and render her jealous of her own rest and joy4 ,and then1 in all her later years1 the mystery of existence weighed upon her heart more and more heavily4 ,in a nature so deep and so finely strung1 great happiness and great sorrow are divided by a very thin partition4 ,but spiritual trials and conflict gave its keenest edge to the suffering of these years4 ,such trials and conflict indeed were not wanting in the earliest stages of her religious life1 nor had they been wanting all along its course2 but they came now with a power and in a manner almost wholly new2 and1 while not essentially different from those which have afflicted ,god's children in all ages1 they are yet traceable1 in no small degree1 to special causes and circumstances in her own case4 ,early in #ahgj she had fallen in with a book entitled ,god's ,furnace1 and a few months later had made the acquaintance of its author--a remarkable woman1 of great strength of character1 of deep religious experience1 and full of zeal for ,god4 ,her book was introduced to the ,christian public by a distinguished ,presbyterian clergyman1 and was highly recommended by other eminent divines4 ,by means of this work1 as well as by correspondence and an occasional visit1 she exerted for a time a good deal of influence over ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,at first this influence seemed to be stimulating and healthful1 but it was not so in the end4 ,the points of sympathy and the points of difference between them will come out so plainly in ,mrs4 ,prentiss' letters that they need not be indicated here4 ,it would not be easy to imagine two women more utterly dissimilar1 except in love to ,god1 devotion to their ,saviour1 and delight in prayer4 ,these formed the tie between them4 ,miss ----'s last days were sadly clouded by mental trouble and disease4 ,a little book called ,holiness through ,faith1 published about this time1 was another disturbing influence in ,mrs4 ,prentiss' religious life4 ,this work and others of a similar character presented a somewhat novel theory of sanctification--a theory zealously taught1 and which excited considerable attention in certain circles of the ,christian community4 ,it was1 in brief1 this3 ,as we are justified by faith without the deeds of the law1 even so are we sanctified by faith2 in other words1 as we obtain forgiveness and acceptance with ,god by a simple act of trust in ,christ1 so by simple trust in ,christ we may attain personal holiness2 it is as easy for divine grace to save us at once from the power1 as from the guilt1 of sin4 ,for more than thirty years ,mrs4 ,prentiss had made the ,christian life a matter of earnest thought and study4 ,the subject of personal holiness in particular had occupied her attention4 ,whatever promised to shed new light upon it she eagerly read4 ,her own convictions1 however1 were positive and decided2 and1 although at first inclined to accept the doctrine of ,holiness through ,faith1 further reflection satisfied her that1 as taught by its special advocates1 it was contrary to ,scripture and experience1 and was fraught with mischief4 ,certain unhappy tendencies and results of the doctrine1 both at home and abroad1 as shown in some of its teachers and disciples1 also forced her to this conclusion4 ,folly of some sort is indeed one of the fatal rocks upon which all overstrained theories of sanctification are almost certain to be wrecked2 and in excitable1 crude natures1 the evil is apt to take the form either of mental extravagance1 perhaps derangement1 or of silly1 if not still worse1 conduct4 ,but1 while deeply impressed with the mischief of these ,perfectionist theories1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss felt the heartiest sympathy with all earnest seekers after holiness1 and was grieved by what seemed to her harsh or unjust criticisms upon them4 ,what were her own matured views on the subject will appear in the sequel4 ,it is enough to say here that ,holiness through ,faith and other works1 in advocacy of the same or similar doctrines1 meeting her as they did when under a severe mental strain1 and touching her at a most sensitive point--for holiness was a passion of her whole soul--had for a time a more or less bewildering effect4 ,she kept pondering the questions they raised1 until the native hue of her piety--hitherto so resolute and cheerful--became sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought4 ,the inward conflict which has been referred to she described sometimes1 in the language of the old divines1 as the want of ,god's sensible presence1 or of conscious nearness to and communion with ,christ2 sometimes1 as a state of spiritual deprivation or aridity2 and then again1 as a work of the ,evil ,one4 ,she laid much stress upon this last point4 ,her belief in the existence of ,satan and his influence over human souls was as vivid as that of ,luther2 she did not hesitate to accuse him of being the fomenter and1 in a sense1 the author of her distress2 the warnings of the ,bible against his wiles she accepted as in full force still2 and she could offer with all her heart1 and with no doubt as to the literal meaning of its closing words1 the petition of the old ,litany3 ,that it may please ,thee to strengthen such as do stand1 and to comfort and help the weak-hearted1 and to raise up those who fall1 and finally to beat down ,satan under our feet4 ,the coming trouble seems to have cast its shadow across her path even before the close of #ahgj4 ,early in #ahga it was upon her in power4 ,her letters contain very interesting and pathetic allusions to this experience4 ,but they do not explain it4 ,nor is it easy to explain4 ,in the absence of certain inciting causes from without1 it would never1 perhaps1 have assumed a serious form4 ,but these sharp spiritual trials are generally complicated with external causes1 or occasions2 ill-health1 morbid constitutional tendencies1 loss of sleep1 wearing cares and responsibilities1 sudden calamities1 worldly loss or disappointment1 and the like4 ,it is in the midst of such conditions that pious souls are most apt to be assailed by gloom and despondency4 ,and yet distressing inward struggles and depression arise sometimes in the midst of outward prosperity and even of unusual religious enjoyment4 ,in truth1 among all the phenomena of the ,christian life none are more obscure or harder to seize than those connected with spiritual conflict and temptation4 ,they belong largely to that terra incognita1 the dark back-ground of human consciousness1 where are the primal forces of the soul and the mustering-place of good and evil4 ,a certain mystery enshrouds all profound religious emotion2 whether of the peace of ,god that passeth all understanding1 or of the anguish that comes of spiritual desertion4 ,those who are in the midst of the battle1 or bear its scars1 will instantly recognise an experience like their own2 to all others it must needs remain inexplicable4 ,even in the natural life our deepest joys and sorrows are mostly inarticulate2 the great poets come nearest to giving them utterance2 but how much the reality always surpasses the descriptions of the poet's pen1 even though it be the pen of a ,shakespeare1 or a ,goethe6 ,mrs4 ,prentiss never afterward referred to this fiery trial without strong emotion4 ,it terrified her to think of anyone she loved as exposed to it2 and--not to speak of other classes--she seemed to regard those as specially exposed to it1 who had just passed1 or were passing1 through an unusually rich and happy religious experience4 ,one of her last letters1 addressed to a dear ,christian friend1 related to this very point4 ,here are a few sentences from it3 ,i want to give you ,,emphatic warning that you were never in such danger in your life4 ,this is the language of bitter1 bitter experience and is not mine alone4 ,leighton says the great ,pirate lets the empty ships go by and robs the full ones4 #a 444 ,i do hope you will go on your way rejoicing1 unto the perfect day4 ,hold on to ,christ with your teeth #b if your hands get crippled2 ,he1 alone1 is stronger than ,satan2 ,he1 alone1 knows all sore temptations mean4 ,this1 certainly1 is strong language and will sound very strange and extravagant in many ears2 and yet is it really stronger language than that often used by inspired prophets and apostles8 or than that of ,augustine1 ,bernard1 ,luther1 ,hooker1 ,fenelon1 ,bunyan1 and of many saintly women1 whose names adorn the annals of piety8 ,strong as it is1 it will find an echo in hearts that have been assailed by the fiery darts of the adversary1 and have learned to cry unto ,god out of the depths of mental anguish and gloom2 while others still in the midst of the conflict1 will1 perhaps1 be helped and comforted to read of the manner in which ,mrs4 ,prentiss passed through it4 ,nothing in the story of her religious life is more striking and beautiful4 ,her faith never failed2 she glorified ,god in the midst of it all2 she thanked her ,lord and ,master for taking her in hand1 and begged ,him not to spare her for her crying1 if so be she might thus learn to love ,him more and grow more like ,him6 ,and1 what is especially noteworthy1 her own suffering1 instead of paralysing1 as severe suffering sometimes does1 active sympathy with the sorrows and trials of others1 had just the contrary effect4 ,how soon1 she wrote to a friend1 our dear ,lord presses our experiences into ,his own service6 ,how many lessons ,he teaches us in order to make us 'sons' 7or daughters7 'of consolation6' ,to another friend she wrote3 ,i did not perceive any selfishness in you during our interview1 and you need not be afraid that ,i am so taken up with my own affairs as to feel no sympathy with you in yours4 ,what are we made for1 if not to bear each other's burdens8 ,and this ought to be the effect of trial upon us2 to make us1 in the very midst of it1 unusually interested in the interests of others4 ,this is the softening1 sanctifying tendency of tribulation1 and he who lacks it needs harder blows4 ,at no period of her life was she more helpful to afflicted and tempted souls4 ,in visits to sick-rooms and dying beds1 and in letters to friends in trouble1 her heart like the noble tree that is wounded itself when it gives the balm1 poured itself forth in the most tender1 soothing ministrations4 ,it seemed at times fairly surcharged with love4 ,meanwhile she kept her pain to herself2 only a few intimate friends1 whose prayers she solicited1 knew what a struggle was going on in her soul2 to all others she appeared very much as in her happiest days4 ,it is a little curious1 she wrote to a young friend1 that suffering as ,i really am1 nobody sees it4 ',always bright6' people say to me to my amazement4444 ,i can add nothing but love1 of which ,i am so full that ,i keep giving off in thunder and lightning4 ,the preceding account would be incomplete without adding that the state of her health during this period1 combined with a severe pressure of varied and perplexing cares1 served to deepen the distress caused by her spiritual trials4 ,whatever view may be taken of the origin and nature of such trials1 it is certain that physical depression and the mental strain that comes of anxious1 care-worn thoughts1 if not their source1 yet tend always greatly to intensify them4 ,in the present case the trials would1 perhaps1 not have existed without the cares and the ill-health2 while the latter1 even in the entire absence of the former1 would have occasioned severe suffering4 ,to ,mrs4 ,frederick ,field1 ,new ,york1 ,jan4 #h1 #ahga4 ',if ,i need make any apology for writing you so often1 it must be this--,i can not help it4 ,having dwelt long in an obscure1 oftentimes dark valley1 and then passed out into a bright plane of life1 ,i am full of tender yearnings over other souls1 and would gladly spend my whole time and strength for them4 ,i long1 especially1 to see your feet established on an immovable ,rock4 ,it seems to me that ,god is preparing you for great usefulness by the fiery trial of your faith4 ,they learn in suffering what they teach in song4 ,oh how true this is6 ,who is so fitted to sing praises to ,christ as he who has learned ,him in hours of bereavement1 disappointment and despair8 ,what you want is to let your intellect go overboard1 if need be1 and to take what ,god gives just as a little child takes it1 without money and without price4 ,faith is ,his1 unbelief ours4 ,no process of reasoning can soothe a mother's empty1 aching heart1 or bring ,christ into it to fill up all that great waste room4 ,but faith can4 ,and faith is ,his gift2 a gift to be won by prayer--prayer persistent1 patient1 determined2 prayer that will take no denial2 prayer that if it goes away one day unsatisfied1 keeps on saying1 ,well1 there's to-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow2 ,god may wait to be gracious1 and ,i can wait to receive1 but receive ,i must and will4 ,this is what the ,bible means when it says1 the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force4 ,it does not say the eager1 the impatient take it by force1 but the violent--they who declare1 ,i will not let ,thee go except ,thou bless me4 ,this is all heart1 not head work4 ,do ,i know what ,i am talking about8 ,yes1 ,i do4 ,but my intellect is of no use to me when my heart is breaking4 ,i must get down on my knees and own that ,i am less than nothing1 seek ,god1 not joy2 consent to suffer1 not cry for relief4 ,and how transcendently good ,he is when ,he brings me down to that low place and there shows me that that self-renouncing1 self-despairing spot is just the one where ,he will stoop to meet me6 ,my dear friend1 don't let this great tragedy of sorrow fail to do everything for you4 ,it is a dreadful thing to lose children2 but a lost sorrow is the most fearful experience life can bring1 ,i feel this so strongly that ,i could go on writing all day4 ,it has been said that the intent of sorrow is to toss us on to ,god's promises4 ,alas1 these waves too often toss us away out to sea1 where neither sun or stars appear for many days4 ,i pray1 earnestly1 that it may not be so with you4 ,among ,mrs4 ,prentiss' most beloved and honored friends in ,new ,york was the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,thomas ,h4 ,skinner1 the first pastor of the ,mercer street church1 and then1 for nearly a quarter of a century1 ,professor in the ,union ,theological ,seminary4 ,his attachment to her1 as also that of his family1 was very strong4 ,dr4 ,skinner had been among the leaders of the so-called ,new ,school branch of the ,presbyterian ,church4 ,he was a preacher of great spiritual power1 an able1 large-hearted theologian1 and a man of most attractive personal and social qualities4 ,he was artless as a little child1 full of enthusiasm for the best things1 and a pattern of saintly goodness4 ,it used to be said that every stone and rafter in the ,church of the ,covenant had felt the touch of his prayers4 ,this venerable servant of ,god entered into his rest on the #ast of ,february1 #ahga1 in the #hjth year of his age4 ,in a letter to her cousin1 ,rev4 ,george ,s4 ,payson1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss thus refers to his last hours3 ,you will hear at dear ,dr4 ,skinner's funeral to-morrow his dying testimony1 and ,i want you to know that it was whispered in my enraptured ear1 that ,i was privileged to spend the whole of ,tuesday and all he lived of ,wednesday1 at his side1 and that mine were the hands that closed his eyes and composed his features in death4 ,what blissful moments were mine1 as ,i saw his sainted soul fly home2 how near heaven seemed and still seems6 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,s4 ,gilman1 ,new ,york1 ,feb4 #g1 #ahga4 ,i am glad to hear that you have such an interesting class1 and yet more glad that you see how much ,christian culture they need4 ,i am astonished every day by confessions made to me by young people as to their woful state before ,god1 and do hope that all this is to prepare me to write something for them4 ,i began a series of articles in the ,association ,monthly1 called ,twilight ,talks1 which may perhaps prove to be in a degree what you want1 but still there is much land untraversed4 ,meanwhile ,i want to encourage you in your work1 by letting you feel my deep sympathy with you in it1 and to assure you that nothing will be so blessed to your scholars as personal holiness in yourself4 ,we must practise what we preach1 and give ourselves wholly to ,christ if we want to persuade others to do it4 ,i am saying feebly what ,i feel very deeply and constantly4 ,you will rejoice with me that ,i had the rare privilege of being with dear ,dr4 ,skinner during his last hours4 ,if you have a copy of ,watts and ,select hymns1 read the #ajfth hymn of the #b;d book1 beginning at the #b;d verse1 ,lord1 when ,i quit this earthly stage1 and fancy1 if you can1 the awe and the delight with which ,i heard him repeat those nine verses1 as expressive of his dying love to ,christ4 ,i feel that ,god is always too good to me1 but to have ,him make me witness of that inspiring scene1 humbles me greatly4 ,in how many ways ,he seeks us1 now smiling1 now caressing1 now reproving1 now thwarting1 and always doing the very best thing for us that infinite love and goodness can6 ,let us love ,him better and better every day1 and count no work for ,him too small and unnoticed to be wrought thankfully whenever ,he gives the opportunity4 ,i hope ,i am learning to honor the day of small things4 ,to ,mrs4 ,humphrey1 ,new ,york1 ,march #ad1 #ahga4 ,so you have at last broken the ice and made out1 after almost a year1 to write that promised letter6 ,well1 it was worth waiting for1 and welcome when it came1 and awakened in me an enthusiasm about seeing the dear creature1 of which ,i hardly thought my old heart was capable 7that statement is an affectation2 my heart isn't old1 and never will be74 ,our plan now is1 if all prospers1 to go to ,philadelphia on ,friday afternoon1 spend the night with you1 ,saturday with ,mrs4 ,kirkbride1 and ,sunday and part of ,monday with you4 ,i hope you mean to let us have a quiet little time with you1 unbeknown to strangers1 whom ,i dread and shrink from4444 ,march #bhth4--,what a queer way we womenkind have of confiding in each other with perfectly reckless disregard of consequences6 ,it is a mercy that men are1 for the most part1 more prudent1 though not half so delightful6444 ,well1 ,i'm ever so glad ,i've seen you in your home1 only ,i found you more frail 7in the way of health7 than ,i found you fair4 ,we hear that your husband preached splendidly1 as of course we knew he would1 and the next exchange ,i shall be there to hear as well as to see4 ,coming out of the cars yesterday1 ,i picked up a ,daily ,food1 dropped1 ,i suppose1 by its owner1 ,sarah ----1 of ,philadelphia1 given her by ,miss ,h4 in #ahec4 ,it has travelled all over ,europe1 and is therefore no doubt precious to her who thus made it her friend4 ,now how shall ,i get it to her8 ,can you learn her address1 or shall ,i write to her at a venture1 without one8 ,i know how ,i felt--when ,i once lost mine2 it was given me in #ahce1 and has gone with me ever since whenever ,i have journeyed 7as ,i was so happy as to find it again74 #c ,i think if ,i have the pleasure of restoring it to its owner1 she will feel glad that it did not fall into profane hands4 ,i thought it right to look through it1 in order to get some clue1 if possible1 to its destination2 ,i fancy it was the silent comforter of a wife who went abroad with her husband for his health1 and came home a widow2 ,god bless her1 whoever she is1 for she evidently believes in and loves ,him4 ,what sort of a world can it be to those who don't8 #d ,remember me affectionately to yourself and your dear ones1 and now we've got a-going1 let's go ahead4 ,april #ast4--,what a pity it is that one can't have a separate language with which to address each beloved one6 ,it seems so mean to use the same words to two or three or four people one loves so differently6 ,now about my visit to you4 ,one reason why ,i did not stay longer was your looking worn out4 ,when ,i am feeling so dragged1 visitors are a great wear and tear to me4 ,but ,i am afraid my selfishness would have got the upperhand of me if that were the whole story4 ,i can't put into words the perfect horror ,i have of being made into a somebody2 it fairly hurts me1 and if ,i had stayed a week with you and the host of people you had about you1 ,i should have shriveled up into the size of a pea4 ,i can't deny having streaks of conceit1 but ,i know enough about myself to make my rational moments bid me keep in the background1 and it excruciates me to be set up on a pinnacle4 ,so don't blame me if ,i fled in terror1 and that ,i am looking forward to your visit1 when ,i hope to have delightful pow-wows with you all by ourselves4 ,i am glad that little book can be returned1 and ,i will mail it to you4 ,i couldn't send it without a loving word2 it seemed to fall so providentially into my hands and knock so at the door of my heart4 ,in what strange ways people get introduced to each other1 and how subtle are the influences that excite a bond of sympathy6444 ,what do you do with girls who fall madly and desperately in love with you8 ,do you laugh at them1 or scold them1 or love them1 or what8 ,i used to do just such crazy things1 and am not sure ,i never do them now4 ,did you ever live in a queerer world than this is8 ,to ,miss ,e4,s4 ,gilman1 ,new ,york1 ,april #bi1 #ahga4 ,the subject of your letter is one that greatly interests me1 and ,i should be glad to get more light upon it myself4 ,as far as ,i know1 those who live apart from the world1 communing with ,god and working for ,him chiefly in prayer1 have least temptation to wandering and distracted thoughts1 and are more devout and spiritual than those of us who live more in the world4 ,but it stands to reason that we can't all live so4 ,the outside work must go on1 and somebody must do it4 ,but of course we have the hardest time1 since while in the world we must not be of it4 ,i have come1 of late1 to think that both classes are needed1 the contemplative and the active1 and ,god does certainly take the latter aside now and then as you suggest1 by sickness and in other ways1 to set them thinking4 ,holiness is not a mere abstraction2 it is praying and loving and being consecrate1 but it is also the doing kind deeds1 speaking friendly words1 being in a crowd when we thirst to be alone1 and so on and so on4 ,the study of ,christ's life on earth reveals ,him to us as incessantly busy1 yet taking special seasons for prayer4 ,it seems to me that we should imitate ,him in this respect1 and when we find ourselves particularly pressed by outward cares and duties1 break short off and withdraw from them till a spiritual tone returns4 ,for we can do nothing well unless we do it consciously for ,christ1 and this consciousness sometimes gets jostled out of us when we undertake to do too much4 ,the more perfectly ,he is formed in us the more light we shall get on every path of duty1 the less likely to go astray from the happy medium of not all contemplation1 not all activity4 ,and to have ,him thus to dwell in us we are led to pray by ,his own last prayer for us on earth1 when ,he asked for the ,i in them4 ,let us pray for each other that this may be our blessed lot4 ,nothing will fit us for life but this4 ,in ourselves we do nothing but err and sin4 ,in ,him we are complete4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,her ,husband called to ,chicago4 ,lines on going to ,dorset4 ,letters to young ,friends1 on the ,christian ,life4 ,narrow ,escape from ,death4 ,feeling on returning to ,town4 ,her ,praying ,circle4 ,the ,chicago ,fire4 ,the true ,art of ,living4 ,god our only safe ,teacher4 ,an easily-besetting ,sin4 ,counsels to young ,friends4 ,letters4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss' letters relating to her husband's call to ,chicago require perhaps an explanatory word4 ,she had some very pleasant associations with ,chicago4 ,it was the home of a brother and sister-in-law1 to whom she was deeply attached1 and of other dear relatives4 ,there ,stepping ,heavenward had first appeared1 and many unknown friends--grateful for the good it had done them--were eager to form her acquaintance and bid her welcome to the great city of the ,interior4 ,and yet the thought of removing there filled her with the utmost distress4 ,had her husband's call been to some distant post in the field of ,foreign ,missions1 her language on the subject could hardly have been stronger4 ,but this language in reality expresses simply the depth of her devotion to her church and her friends in ,new ,york1 her morbid shyness and shrinking from the presence of strangers1 and1 especially1 her vivid sense of physical inability to make the change without risking the loss of what health and power of sleep still remained to her4 ,misgiving on this last point caused her husband to hesitate long before accepting the call1 and to feel in after years that his decision to accept it1 although conscientiously made1 had been a grave mistake4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,new ,york1 ,june #c1 #ahga4 ,i knew that you would rather hear from me than through the papers1 the fact that ,mr4 ,prentiss has been once more unanimously elected by the ,general ,assembly to the ,chicago ,professorship4 ,he has come home greatly perplexed as to his duty1 and prepared to do it1 at any reasonable cost1 if he can only find out what it is4 ,we built our ,dorset house not as a mere luxury1 but with the hope that the easy summer there would so build up our health as to increase and prolong our usefulness2 but going to ,chicago would deprive us of that1 besides cutting us off from all our friends4 ,but we want to know no will but ,god's in this question1 and ,i am sure you and ,miss ,k4 will join us in the prayer that we may not so much as suggest to ,him what path ,he will lead us into4 ,the experience of the past winter would impress upon me the fact that place and position have next to nothing to do with happiness2 that we can be wretched in a palace1 radiant in a dungeon4 ,mr4 ,p4 said yesterday that it broke his heart to hear me talk of giving up ,dorset2 but perhaps this heartbreaking is exactly what we need to remind us of what for many years we never had a chance to forget1 that we are pilgrims and strangers on the earth4 ,two lines of my own keep running in my head3 ,oh foolish heart1 oh faithless heart1 oh heart on ruin bent1 ,build not with too much care thy nest1 thou art in banishment4 ,i have seen the time when the sense of being a pilgrim and a stranger was very sweet2 and ,god can sweeten whatever ,he does to us4 ,so though perplexed we are not in despair1 and if we feel that we are this summer living in a tent that may soon blow down1 it is just what you are doing1 and in this point we shall have fellowship4 ,i am sure it is good for us to have ,god take up the rod1 even if ,he lays it down again without inflicting a blow4 ,i know we are going to pray till light comes4 ,i feel very differently about it from what ,i did last summer4 ,the mental conflicts of the past winter have created a good deal of indifference to everything4 ,without conscious union and nearness to my ,saviour ,i can't be happy anywhere2 for years ,he has been the meaning of everything1 and when ,he only seems gone 7,i know it is only seeming7 ,i don't much care where ,i am4 ,i am just trying to be patient till ,he makes ,satan let go of me4 ,excuse this selfish letter1 and write me one just as bad6 ,on the #gth of ,june she went to ,dorset with her husband and the younger children4 ,the following lines1 found among her papers1 will show in what temper of mind she went4 ,it is worth noting that they were written on ,monday1 and express a week-day1 not merely a passing ,sabbath feeling3 ,once more at home1 once more at home-- ,for what1 dear ,lord1 ,i pray8 ,to seek enjoyment1 please myself1 ,make life a summer's day8 ,i shrink1 ,i shudder at the thought2 ,for what is home to me1 ,when sin and self enchain my heart1 ,and keep it far from ,thee8 ,there is but one abiding joy1 ,nor place that joy can give2 ,it is ,thy presence that makes home1 ,that makes it life to live4 ,that presence ,i invoke2 naught else ,i venture to entreat2 ,i long to see ,thee1 hear ,thy voice1 ,to sit at ,thy dear feet4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,dorset1 ,june #ab1 #ahga4 ,i trust it is an omen of good that the first letters ,i have received since coming here this summer1 have been full of the themes ,i love best4 ,i was much struck with the sentence you quote1 ,they can not go back1 etc41 #e and believe it is true of you4 ,being absorbed in divine things will not make you selfish2 you will be astonished to find how loving you will gradually grow toward everybody1 how interested in their interests1 how happy in their happiness4 ,and if you want work for ,christ 7and the more you love ,him the more you will long for it71 that work will come to you in all sorts of ways4 ,i do not believe much in duty-work2 ,i think that work that tells is the spontaneous expression of the love within4 ,perhaps you have not been sick enough yourself to be skilful in a sick-room2 perhaps your time for that sort of work hasn't come4 ,i meant to get you a little book called ,the ,life of ,faith2 in fact1 ,i went down town on purpose to get it1 and passed the ,episcopal ,sunday-school ,union inadvertently4 ,i think that little book teaches how everything we do may be done for ,christ1 and ,i know by what little experience ,i have had of it1 that it is a blessed1 thrice blessed way to live4 ,a great deal is meant by the cup of cold water1 and few of us women have great deeds to perform1 and we must unite ourselves to ,him by little ones4 ,the life of constant self-discipline ,god requires is a happy one2 you and ,i1 and others like us1 find a wild1 absorbing joy in loving and being loved2 but sweet1 abiding peace is the fruit of steady check on affections that must be tamed and kept under4 ,is this consistent with what ,i have just said about growing more loving as we grow more ,christlike8 ,yes1 it is2 for that love is absolutely unselfish1 it gives much and asks nothing1 and there is nothing restless about it4444 ,i have been very hard at work ever since ,i came here1 with my darling ,m4 as my constant1 joyous comrade4 ,we have been busy with our flower-beds1 sowing and transplanting1 and half the china closet has tumbled out of doors to serve as protection from the sun4 ,mr4 ,prentiss says we do the work of three days in one1 which is true1 for we certainly have performed great feats4 ,the night we got here we found the house lighted up1 and the dining-table covered with good things4 ,people seem glad to see us back4 ,i don't know which of my ,dorset titles would strike you as most appropriate2 one man calls me a branch1 another a child of nature1 and another ,mr4 ,prentiss' woman1 with the consoling reflection that ,i sha'n't rust out4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,dorset1 ,august #f1 #ahga4 ,i don't know when ,i have written so few letters as ,i have this summer4 ,my right hand has forgot its cunning under the paralysis1 under which my heart has suffered1 and which is now beginning to affect my health quite unfavorably4 ,it seems as if body and soul1 joints and marrow1 were rudely separating4 ,poor ,george is half-distracted with the weight of the questions concerning ,chicago1 and ,i think almost anything would be better than this crucifying suspense4 ,but ,i try not to make a fuss4 ,mrs4 ,d---- can tell you that ,i have said to her many times1 during the last few years1 that1 according to the ordinary run of life1 things would not long remain with us as they were2 they were too good to last4 ,i have read and re-read ,spiritual ,dislodgments1 and remember it well4 ,i certainly wish for such dislodgments in me and mine1 if we need them4 ,george has got hold of a book of ,a4's1 which delights him1 ,letters of ,william ,von ,humboldt4 #f ,i suppose you recommended it to her4 ,you must make your plans to come here this summer2 ,i don't seem fully to have a thing till you've seen it4 ,to ,mrs4 ,humphrey1 ,dorset1 ,aug4 #h1 #ahga4 ,it took you a good while to answer my last letter1 and ,i have been equally lazy about writing since yours strayed this way4 ,letter-writing has always been a resource and a pastime to me2 a refuge in head-achy and rainy days1 and a tiny way to give pleasure or do good1 when other paths were hedged up4 ,but this summer ,i have left almost everybody in the lurch1 partly from being more or less unwell and out of spirits1 partly because the ,chicago question1 remaining unsettled1 has been such a damper that ,i hadn't much heart to speak either of it or of anything else4 ,we are perplexed beyond measure what to do2 the thought of losing my minister and having him turn into a professor1 agonizes me2 on the other hand1 who knows but he needs the rest that change of labor and the five months' vacation would give him8 ,his chief worry is the effect the attending funerals all the time has already had on my health4 ,one day ,i part with and bury 7in imagination67 now this friend1 now that1 and this mournful work does not sharpen one's appetite or invigorate one's frame4 ,i don't know how we've stood the conflict2 and it seems rather selfish to allude to my part of it2 but women live more in their friendships than men do1 and the thought of tearing up all our roots is more painful to me than to my husband1 and he will not lose what ,i must lose in addition1 and as ,i have said before1 my minister1 which is the hardest part of it4 ,i want you to know what straits we are in1 in the hope that you and yours will be stirred up to pray that we may make no mistake1 but go or stay as the ,lord would have us4 ,we have found our little home a nice refuge for us in the storm2 ,mr4 ,p4 says he should have gone distracted in a boarding-house4 ,i do not envy you the ,conway crowd4 ,but ,i fancy it is a good region for collecting mosses and like treasures4 ,i think the prettiest thing in our house is a flattish bracket1 fastened to the wall and filled with flowers2 it looks like a graceful1 meandering letter ,s and is one of the idols ,i bow down to4444 ,i have ,holiness through ,faith2 the first time ,i read it at ,mr4 ,r----'s request1 ,i said ,i believed every word of it1 but this summer1 reading it in a different mood1 it puzzles me4 ,the idea is plausible2 if ,god tells us to be holy1 as ,he certainly does1 is it not for ,him to provide the way for our being so1 and is it likely ,he needs our whole lives before ,he can accomplish ,his own design8 ,i talked with ,mr4 ,prentiss about it1 and at first he rejected the thought of holiness through faith1 but last night we got upon the subject again and he was interested in some sentences ,i read to him and said he must examine the book4 ,when are you coming to spend that week in ,dorset8 ,love to each and all4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,kauinfels1 ,sept4 #i1 #ahga4 ,i have had many letters to write to-day1 for to-day our fate is sealed1 and we are to go4 ,but ,i must say a few words to you before going to bed1 for ,i want to tell you how very glad ,i am that you have been enabled to take a step #g which will1 ,i am sure1 lead the way to other steps1 increase your holiness1 your usefulness1 and your happiness4 ,may ,god bless you in this attempt to honor ,him1 and open out before you new fields wherein to glorify and please ,him4 ,this has not been a sorrowful day to me4 ,i hope ,i am offering to a patient ,god a patient heart4 ,i do not want to make the worst of the sacrifice ,he requires1 or to fancy ,i am only to be happy on my own conditions4 ,he has been most of the time for years the spring of all my joys1 the life of my delights4 ,where ,he is1 ,i want to be2 where ,he bids me go1 ,i want to go1 and to go in courage and faith4 ,anything is better than too strong cleaving to this world4 ,as ,i was situated in ,new ,york1 ,i lacked not a single earthly blessing4 ,i had a delightful home1 freedom from care1 and a circle of friends whom ,i loved with all my heart1 and who loved me in a way to satisfy even my rapacity4 ,only one thing was wanting to my perfect felicity--a heart absolutely holy2 and was ,i likely to get that when my earthly cup was so full8 ,at any rate ,i am content4 ,now and then1 as the reality of this coming separation overwhelms me1 ,i feel a spasm of pain at my heart 7,i don't suppose we are expected to cease to be human beings or to lose our sensibilities71 but if my ,lord and ,master will go with me1 and keeps on making me more and more like ,himself1 ,i can be happy anywhere and under any conditions1 or be made content not to be happy4 ,all this is of little consequence in itself1 but perhaps it may make me more of a blessing to others1 which1 next to personal holiness1 is the only thing to be sought very earnestly4 ,as to my relation to you1 ,he who brought you under my wing for a season has something better for you in store4 ,that's ,his way4 ,and wherever ,i am1 if it is ,his will and ,his ,spirit dictates the prayer1 ,i shall pray for you1 and that is the best service one soul can render another4 ,about this time she and her husband had an almost miraculous escape from instant death4 ,they had been calling upon friends in ,east ,dorset and were returning home4 ,not far from that village is a very dangerous railroad crossing2 and1 as the sight or sound of cars so affrighted ,coco as to render him uncontrollable1 special pains had been taken not to arrive at the spot while a train was due4 ,but just as they reached it1 an irregular train1 whose approach was masked behind high bushes1 came rushing along unannounced1 and had they been only a few seconds later1 would have crushed them to atoms4 ,so severe was the shock and so vivid the sense of a ,providential escape1 that scarcely a word was spoken during the drive home4 ,the next morning she gave her husband a very interesting account of the thoughts that1 like lightning1 flashed upon her mind while feeling herself in the jaws of death4 ,they related exclusively to her children--how they would receive the news1 and what would become of them4 #h ,late in ,september she returned to town1 still oppressed by the thought of going to ,chicago4 ,in a letter to ,mrs4 ,condict1 dated ,october #b;d1 she writes3 ,we got home on ,friday night1 and very early on ,saturday were settled down into the old routine4 ,but how different everything is6 ,at church tearful1 clouded faces2 at home1 warmhearted friends looking upon us as for the last time4 ,it is all right4 ,i would not venture to change it if ,i could2 but it is hard4 ,at times it seems as if my heart would literally break to pieces1 but we are mercifully kept from realising our sorrows all the time4 ,the waves dash in and almost overwhelm1 but then they sweep back and are stayed by an almighty1 kind hand4444 ,it is like tearing off a limb to leave our dear prayer-meeting4 ,next to my closet1 it has been to me the sweetest spot on earth4 ,i never expect to find such another4 ,to another friend she writes a day or two later3 ,my heart fairly collapses at times1 at the thought of tearing myself away from those whom ,christian ties have made dearer to me than my kindred after the flesh4 ,and then comes the precious privilege and relief of telling my yet dearer and better ,friend all about it1 and the sweet peace begotten of yielding my will to ,his4 ,i want to be of all the use and comfort to you and to the other dear ones ,he will let me be during these few months4 ,do pray for me that ,i may so live ,christ as to bear others along with me on a resistless tide4 ,those lines you copied for me are a great comfort3 ,rather walking with ,him by faith1 ,than walking alone in the light4 ,of the little praying circle1 alluded to in her letter to ,mrs4 ,c41 one of its members writes3 ,it was unique even among meetings of its own class4 ,held in an upper chamber1 never largely attended and sometimes only by the two or three1 it was almost unknown except to the few1 who regarded it as among their chiefest religious privileges4 ,all the other members would gladly have had ,mrs4 ,prentiss assume its entire leadership2 but she assumed nothing and was no doubt quite unconscious as to how large an extent she was the life and soul of the meeting4 ,in the familiar conversation of the hour nothing fell from her lips but such simple words as1 coming from a glowing heart1 strengthened and deepened the spiritual life of all who heard them4 ,she had1 in a degree ,i never knew equalled1 the gift of leading the devotions of others4 ,but there was not the slightest approach to performance in her prayers2 she abhorred the very thought of it4 ,those who knelt with her can never forget the pure devotion which breathed itself forth in simple exquisite language2 but it was something beyond the power of description4 ,another member of the circle writes3 ,her prayers were so simple1 so earnest1 so childlike4 ,we all felt we were in the very presence of our loving ,father4 ,one thing especially always impressed me during that sacred hour--it was her quietness of manner4 ,she was very cordial and affectionate in her greetings with each one1 as we assembled1 and then a holy awe1 a solemn hush1 came over her spirit and she seemed like one who saw the ,lord6 ,o how we all miss her6 ,there is never a meeting but we keep her in remembrance and talk together lovingly about her4 ,to a ,friend1 ,oct4 #ba1 #ahga4 ,mr4 ,prentiss sent in his resignation last evening1 and the church refused unanimously to let him go4 ,praise ,god from whom all blessings flow penetrated the walls of the parsonage1 as they sang it when the decision was made1 and so we knew our fate before a whole parlorful rushed in to shake hands1 kiss1 and congratulate4 ,you would have been delighted had you been here4 ,prof4 ,smith1 who took strong ground in favor of his going1 takes just as strong ground in favor of his staying4 ,i feel that all this is the result of prayer4 ,i never got any light on the ,chicago question when ,i prayed about it2 never could see that it was our duty to go2 but ,i yielded my judgment and my will1 because my husband thought that he must go4 ,i think our very reluctance to it made us shrink from evading it2 we were so afraid of opposing ,god's will4 ,now the matter is taken out of our hands and we have only to resume our work here4 ,god grant that this baptism of fire may purge and purify us and prepare us to be a great blessing to the church4 ,it is a most awe-inspiring providence1 ,god's burning us out of ,chicago1 and we feel like putting our shoes from off our feet and adoring ,him in silence4444 ,pray that the lessons we have been learning through so many trying months may help us to be helping hands to those who may pass through similar straits4 ,one of my brothers was burnt out1 and his own and his wife's letters drew tears even down to the kitchen4 ,for two days and a night they lost their baby1 five months old1 in addition to all the other horrors4 ,but they found refuge with a dear cousin1 who has filled his house to overflowing4 ,i may have spoken of this cousin to you3 he has a foundling home on ,mller's trust system4 ,before taking leave of the call to ,chicago a word should be added to what she says concerning it in her letters4 ,the prospect of her husband's accepting the call rendered the summer a very trying one2 but it was far from being all gloom4 ,she had a marvellous power of extracting amusement out of the most untoward situation4 ,in #ahdc she wrote from ,richmond1 referring to ,mr4 ,persico's troubles3 ,i never spent such melancholy weeks in my life2 in the midst of it1 however1 ,i made fun for the rest1 as ,i believe ,i should do in a dungeon4 ,it was so in the present case4 ,she relieved the weariness of many an anxious hour by making fun for the rest4 ,as an illustration1 one evening at ,dorset1 while sitting at the parlor-table with her children and a young friend who was visiting her1 she seized a pencil and wrote for their entertainment a ludicrous version of the ,chicago affair in two parts4 ,the paper which was preserved by her young friend1 illustrates also another trait which she thus describes at the close of a frolicsome letter to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner3 ,it is one of the peculiar peculiarities of this woman that she usually carries on1 when she wants to hide her feelins4 ,part ,i4 begins thus3 ,where are the ,prentisses8 ,gone to ,chicago1 ,gone bag and baggage1 the whole crew and cargo4 ,well1 they would go1 now let's talk 'em over1 ,and see what compensation we can discover4 ,they are all talked over and then in ,part ,,ii4 the scene changes to ,chicago itself3 ,sing a song of sixpence1 a pocket full of rye1 ,here's the tribe of ,prentisses just agoing by2 ,dr4 ,prentiss he1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss she1 ,and a lot of young ones that all begin with ,p4 ,well1 let us view them with our eyes1 ,and then begin to criticise4 ,and first the doctor1 what of him8 ,the doctor having been fully discussed1 the criticism proceeds3 ,now for his wife2 well1 who would guess ,she had set up as authoress6 ,why1 she looks just like all of us1 ,instead of being in a muss ,like other literary folks4 ,they say she likes her little jokes1 ,as well as those who've less to say ,of stepping on the heavenward way4 ,mrs4 ,p4 having been disposed of3 ,next comes ,miss ,p42 how she will make ,the hearts of all the students quake6 ,she'll wind them round her fingers' ends1 ,and find in them one hundred friends4 ,they'll sit on benches in a row ,and watch her come1 and watch her go2 ,but they'll be safe1 the precious rogues1 ,since she don't care for theologues4 ,the other children next pass in review and the whole closes with the remark3 ,time1 and ,time only1 will make clear ,why the poor geese came cackling here4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,new ,york1 ,nov41 #ahga4 ,my heart is as young and fresh as any girl's1 and ,i am almost as prone to make idols out of those ,i love1 as ,i ever was2 and this is inconsistent with the devotion owed to ,god4 ,i do not mean that ,i really love anybody better than ,i do ,him1 but that human friendships tempt me4 ,this easily-besetting sin of mine has cost me more anguish than tongue can tell1 and ,i deeply feel the need of more love to ,christ because of my earthly tendencies4 ,i know ,i would sacrifice every friend to ,christ1 but ,i am not always disentangled4 ,how strange this is1 how passing strange6444 ,in a religious way ,i find myself much better off here than at ,dorset4 ,but there is yet something apparently far off1 unattained and dim that ,i once thought ,i had caught by the wing1 and enjoyed for a season1 but which has flown away4 ,i am afraid ,i am one who has got to be a religious enthusiast1 or else dissatisfied and restless4 ,when ,i give way to an impulse to the first1 ,i care for nothing worldly1 and am at peace4 ,but ,i am unfitted for daily life1 for secular talk and reading4 ,is it so with you8 ,does it run in our blood8 ,i do long and pray for more light2 and ,i will pray for more love1 cost what it may4 ,sometimes ,i long to get to heaven1 where ,i shall not have to be curbing my heart with bit and bridle1 and can be as loving as ,i want to be--as ,i am4 ,to a young ,friend abroad--,new ,york1 ,dec4 #h1 #ahga4 ,there never will come a time in my life when ,i shall not need all my ,christian friends can do for me in the way of prayer4 ,i am glad you are making such special effort to oppose the icebergs of foreign life2 ,god will meet and bless you in it4 ,let us1 if need be1 forsake all others to cleave only unto ,him4 ,i don't know of any real misery except coldness between myself and ,him4 ,i feel warm and tender sympathy with you in all your struggles1 temptations1 joys1 hopes and fears4 ,as you grow older you will settle more2 your troubles1 your ups and downs1 belong chiefly to your youth4 ,yes1 you are right in saying that ,mr4 ,p---- could go through mental conflicts in silence2 he does not pine for sympathy as you and ,i do4 ,you and ,i are like ,david1 though ,i forget1 at the moment1 what he said happened to him when he kept silence4 7,on the whole1 ,i don't think he said anything67 ,i think the proper attitude to take when restless and lonesome and homesick for want of ,god's sensible presence1 is just what we take when we are missing earthly friends for whom we yearn1 and whose letters1 though better than nothing1 do not half feed our hungry hearts1 or fill our longing arms4 ,and that attitude is patient waiting4 ,we are such many-sided creatures that ,i do not doubt you are getting pleasure and profit out of this ,european trip1 although it is alloyed by so much mental suffering4 ,but such is life4 ,it has in it nothing perfect1 nothing ideal4 ,and this conviction1 deepened every now and then by some new experience1 tosses me anew1 again and again1 back on to that ,rock of ,ages that ever stands sure and steadfast1 and on whom our feet may rest4 ,it is well to have the waves and billows of temptation beat upon us2 if only to magnify this ,rock and teach us what a refuge ,he is4 ,i went1 last night1 with ,mr4 ,prentiss and most of the children1 to hear the freedmen and women in a concert at ,steinway ,hall4 ,it was packed with a brilliant1 delighted audience1 and it was most interesting to see these young people1 simple1 dignified1 earnest1 full of love to ,christ1 and preparing1 by education1 to work for ,him4 ,they sang ,keep me from sinking down most sweetly and touchingly4 ,i see you have the blues as ,i used to do1 at your age1 and hope you will outgrow them as ,i have done4 ,i suffer without being depressed in the sense in which ,i used to be2 it is hard to make the distinction1 but ,i am sure there is one4 ,i do not know how far this change has come to me as a happy wife and mother1 or how far it is religious4 ,aunt ,jane's ,hero was published in #ahga4 ,it is hardly inferior to ,stepping ,heavenward in its pictures of life and character1 or in the wisdom of its teaching4 ,the object of the book is to depict a home whose happiness flows from the living ,rock1 ,christ ,jesus4 ,it protests also against the extravagance and other evils of the times1 which tend to check the growth of such homes1 and aims to show that there are still treasures of love and peace on earth1 that may be bought without money and without price4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,holiness and ,usefulness go hand-in-hand4 ,no two ,souls dealt with exactly alike4 ,visits to a stricken ,home4 ,another ,side of her ,life4 ,visit to a ,hospital4 ,christian ,friendship4 ,letters to a bereaved ,mother4 ,submission not inconsistent with ,suffering4 ,thoughts at the ,funeral of a little ,wee ,davie4 ,assurance of ,faith4 ,funeral of ,prof4 ,hopkins4 ,his ,character4 ,she entered the new year with weary steps1 but with a heart full of tenderness and sympathy4 ,a circle of young friends1 living in different parts of the country1 looked eagerly to her at this time for counsel1 and she was deeply interested in their spiritual progress4 ,she wrote to one of them1 ,january #f1 #ahgb3 ,your letter has filled my heart with joy4 ,what a ,friend and ,saviour we have1 and how ,he comes to meet us on the sea1 if we attempt to walk there in faith6 ,i trust your path now will be the ever brightening one that shall shine more and more unto the perfect day4 ,holiness and usefulness go hand in hand1 and you will have new work to do for the ,lord2 praying work especially4 ,pray for me1 for one thing2 ,i need a great deal of grace and strength just now4 ,and pray for all the souls that are struggling toward the light4 ,o that everybody lived only for ,christ6 ,a few weeks later1 writing to the same friend1 she thus refers to the fiery trials through which she was passing3 ,this season of temptation came right on the heels1 if ,i may use such an expression1 of great spiritual illumination4 ,of all the years of my life1 #ahfi-gj was the brightest1 and it seems as if ,satan could not endure the sight of so much love and joy1 and so took me in hand4 ,i have not liked to say much about this to young people1 lest it should discourage them2 but ,i hope you will not allow it to affect you in that way1 for you must remember that no two souls are dealt with exactly alike1 and that the fact that many are looking up to me may have made it necessary for our dear ,lord to let ,satan harass and trouble me as he has done4 ,no1 let us not be discouraged1 either you or ,i1 but rejoice that we are called of our ,god and ,saviour to give ,him all we have and all we are4444 ,if we spent more time in thanking ,god for what ,he has done for us1 ,he would do more4 ,malignant scarlet fever and other diseases1 had invaded and isolated the household mentioned in the following letter4 ,their gratitude to ,mrs4 ,prentiss was most touching2 it was as if she had been to them an angel from heaven4 ,the story of her visits and loving sympathy became a part of their family history4 ,to ,mrs4 ,humphrey1 ,new ,york1 ,jan4 #bf1 #ahgb4 ,i came home half frozen from my early walk this morning1 to get warm not only at the fire1 but at your letter1 which ,i found awaiting me4 ,i am glad if you got anything out of your visit here4 ,i rather think you and ,i shall rattle on together after we get to heaven4444 ,you say1 ,how skilfully ,god does fashion our crosses for us6 ,yes1 ,he does4 ,and for my part1 ,i don't want to rest and be happy without crosses--for ,i can't do without them4 ,people who set themselves up to be pastors and teachers must learn in suffering what they teach in sermon and book4 ,i felt a good deal reproved for making so much of mine1 however1 by my further visits to the house of mourning of which we spoke to you4 ,the little boy died early on the next day1 and before his funeral his poor mother1 neglected by everybody else1 found it some comfort to get into my arms and cry there4 ,it made no difference that twenty years had passed since ,i had had a sorrow akin to hers2 we mothers may cease to grieve1 outwardly1 but we never forget what has gone out of our sight1 or ever grow unsympathetic because time has soothed and quieted us4 ,but ,i need not say this to you4 ,this was on ,saturday2 all day ,monday ,i was there watching a most lovely little girl1 about six years old1 writhing in agony2 she died early next morning4 ,the next eldest has been in a critical state1 but will probably recover a certain degree of health1 but as a helpless cripple4 ,well1 ,i felt that death alone was inexorable--other enemies we may hope and pray and fight against--and that while my children lived1 ,i need not despair4 ,the tax on my sympathies in the case of those half-distracted parents has been terrible1 and yet ,i wouldn't accept a cold heart if ,i had the offer of it4 ,to give you another side of my life1 let me tell you of a pleasant dinner party one night last week1 when we met ,gov4 and ,mrs4 ,c----1 of ,massachusetts1 and ,i fell in love with her then and there4444 ,well1 this is a queer world1 full of queer things and queer people4 ,will the next one be more commonplace8 ,i know not4 ,good-bye4 ,word has come from that afflicted household that the grandfather has died suddenly of heart disease4 ,his wife died a few weeks ago4 ,mr4 ,prentiss saw him on ,saturday in vigorous health4 ,to ,miss ,rebecca ,f4 ,morse1 ,new ,york1 ,march #e1ahgb4 ,can you tell me where the blotting-pads can be obtained8 ,i have got into a hospital of spines2 in other words1 of people who can only write lying on their backs1 one of them an authoress1 and ,i think it would be a mercy to them if ,i could furnish them with the means of writing with more ease than they do now4 ,i was sorry you could not come last ,friday1 and hope you will be able to join us ,saturday1 when the club meets here4444 ,how you would have enjoyed yesterday afternoon with me6 ,i went to call on a lady from ,vermont1 who is here for spinal treatment1 and found in her room another of the patients4 ,two such bright creatures ,i never met at once1 and we got a-going at such a rate that though ,i had never seen either of them before1 ,i stayed nearly three hours6 ,i mean to have another dose of them before long1 and give them another dose of ,e4 ,p4 ,i have been reading a book called ,the ,presence of ,christ #i--which ,i liked so well that ,i got a copy to lend4 ,it is not a great book1 but ,i think it will be a useful one4 ,it says we are all idolaters1 and reminds me of my besetting sins in that direction4 ,i feel overwhelmed when ,i think how many young people are looking to me for light and help1 knowing how much ,i need both myself4444 ,every now and then some ,providential event occurs that wakes us up1 and we find that we have been asleep and dreaming1 and that what we have been doing that made us fancy ourselves awake1 was mechanical4 ,i must be off now to my sewing society1 which is a great farce1 since ,i can earn thirty or forty times as much with my pen as ,i can with my needle1 and if they would let me stay at home and write1 ,i would give them the results of my morning's work4 ,but the minute ,i stop going everybody else stops4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,april #g1 #ahgb4 ,how ,i should love to spend this evening with you6 ,this has been our ,communion ,sunday1 and ,i am sure the service would have been very soothing to your poor1 sore heart4 ,and yet why do ,i say poor when ,i know it is rich8 ,oh1 you might have the same sorrow without faith and patience with which to bear it1 and think how dreadful that would be6 ,your little lamb has been spending his first ,sunday with the ,good ,shepherd and other lambs of the flock1 and has been as happy as the day is long4 ,perhaps your two children and mine are claiming kinship together4 ,if they met in a foreign land they would surely claim it for our sakes2 why not in the land that is not foreign1 and not far off8 ,but still these are not the thoughts to bring you special comfort4 ,thy will be done6 does the whole4 ,and yet my heart aches for you4 ,some one1 who had never had a real sorrow1 told ,mrs4 ,n4 that if she submitted to ,god's will as she ought1 she would cease to suffer4 ,what a fallacy this is6 ,mrs4 ,n4 was comforted by hearing that your little one was taken away by the consequences of the fever1 as her ,nettie was1 for she had reproached herself with having neglected her to see to ,johnny1 who died first1 and thought this neglect had allowed her to take cold4 ,i feel very sorry when mothers torture themselves in this needless way1 as if ,god could not avert ill consequences1 if ,he chose4 ,i have shed more than one tear to-day4 ,i heard last night that my dearly-loved brother1 ,prof4 ,hopkins1 is on his dying-bed4 ,i never thought of his dying1 he comes of such a long-lived race4 ,i expect to go to see him1 and if ,i find ,i can be of any use or comfort1 stay a week or two4 ,his death will come very near to me1 but he is a saintly man1 and ,i am glad for him that he can go4 ,how thankful we shall be when our turn comes6 ,the ladies at our little meeting were deeply interested in what ,i had to tell them about your dear boy1 and prayed for you with much feeling4 ,may our dear ,lord bless you abundantly with ,his sweet presence6 ,i know ,he will4 ,and yet ,he has willed it that you should suffer4 ,himself hath done it6 ,oh how glad ,he will be when the dispensation of suffering is over1 and ,he can gather ,his beloved round ,him1 tearless1 free from sorrow and care1 and all forever at rest4 ,may #eth4--,yesterday1 the friend at ,east ,dorset whose three children died within a few weeks of each other1 sent me some verses1 of which ,i copy one for you3 ,the eye of faith beholds ,a golden stair1 like that of old1 whereon ,fair spirits go and come2 ,god's angels coming down on errands sweet1 ,our angels going home4 ,i hope this golden stair1 up which your dear boy climbed with shout and song1 is covered with ,god's angels coming down to bless and comfort you4 ,one of the most touching passages in the ,bible1 to my mind1 is that which describes angels as coming to minister to ,jesus after ,his temptations in the wilderness4 ,it gives one such an idea of ,his helplessness6 ,just as ,i was going out to church this morning1 ,mr4 ,prentiss told me of the death of a charming baby-boy1 one of our lambs1 and ,i could scarcely help bursting into tears1 though ,i had only seen him once4 ,you can hardly understand how ,i feel1 as a pastor's wife1 toward our people4 ,their sorrows come right home4 ,i have a friend also hanging in agonizing suspense over a little one who has been injured by a fall2 she is sweetly submissive1 but you know what a mother's heart is4 ,i have yet another friend1 who has had to give up her baby4 ,she is a young mother1 and far from her family1 but says she has perfect peace4 ,so from all sides ,i hear sorrowful sounds1 but so much faith and obedience mingled with the sighs1 that ,i can only wonder at what ,god can do4 ,to ,miss ,morse1 ,may #g1 #ahgb4 ,how true and how strange it is that our deepest sorrows1 spring from our sweetest affections2 that as we love much1 we suffer much4 ,what instruments of torture our hearts are6 ,the passage you quote is all true but people are apt to be impatient in affliction1 eager to drink the bitter cup at a draught rather than drop by drop1 and fain to dig up the seed as soon as it is planted1 to see if it has germinated4 ,i am fond of quoting that passage about the peaceable fruit of righteousness coming afterward4 ,i have just come from the funeral of a little ,wee ,davie2 all the crosses around his coffin were tiny ones1 and he had a small floral harp in his hand4 ,i thought as ,i looked upon his face1 still beautiful1 though worn1 that even babies have to be introduced to the cross1 for he had a week of fearful struggle before he was released4444 ,i enclose an extract ,i made for you from a work on the baptism of the ,holy ,spirit4 ,this was all the paper ,i had at hand at the moment4 ,the recipe for curry ,i have copied into my recipe-book1 and the two lines at the top of the page ,i addressed to ,m4 ,a queer mixture of the spiritual and the practical1 but no stranger than life's mixtures always are4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,new ,york1 ,may #bjth1 #ahgb4 ,as to assurance of faith1 ,i think we may all have that1 and in my own darkest hours this faith has not been disturbed4 ,i have just come home from a brief visit to ,miss ----1 with whom ,i had some interesting discussions4 ,i use the word discussions advisedly1 for we love each other in constant disagreement4 ,she believes in holiness by faith1 while denying that she has herself attained it4 ,i think her life1 as far as ,i can see it1 very true and beautiful4 ,we spent a whole evening talking about temptation4 ,not long ago ,i met with a passage1 in ,french1 to this effect--,i quote from memory only3 ,god has some souls whom ,he can not afflict in any ordinary way1 for they love ,him so that they are ready for any outward sorrow or bereavement4 ,he therefore scourges them with inward trials1 vastly more painful than any outward tribulation could be2 thus crucifying them to self4 ,i can not but think that this explains ,mrs4 ----'s experience1 and perhaps my own2 at any rate ,i feel that we are all in the hands of an unerring ,physician1 who will bring us1 through varying paths1 home to ,himself4 ,i had a call the other day from an intelligent ,christian woman1 whom ,i had not seen for eighteen years4 ,she said that some time ago her attention was called to the subject of personal holiness1 and as she is a great reader1 she devoured everything she could get hold of1 and finally became a dogmatic perfectionist4 ,but experience modified these views1 and she fell back on the ,bible doctrine of an indwelling ,christ1 with the conviction that just in proportion to this indwelling will be the holiness of the soul4 ,this is precisely my own belief4 ,this is the doctrine ,i preached in ,stepping ,heavenward and ,i have so far seen nothing to change these views1 while ,i desire and pray to be taught any other truth if ,i am wrong4 ,i believe ,god does reveal ,himself and ,his truth to those who are willing to know it4 ,to ,miss ,morse1 ,new ,york1 ,may #ca1 #ahgb4 ,i got home yesterday from ,williamstown1 where ,i went1 with my husband1 to attend the funeral of my dearly beloved brother1 ,professor ,hopkins4 ,he literally starved to death4 ,he died as he had lived1 beautifully1 thinking of and sending messages to all his friends1 and on his last day repeating passages of ,scripture and even1 weak as he was1 joining in hymns sung at his bedside4 ,the day of the funeral was a pretty trying one for me1 as there was not only his loss to mourn1 but there were traces of my darling mother and sister1 who both died in that house1 all over it2 some of my mother's silver1 a white quilt she made when a girl1 my sister's library1 her collection of shells and minerals1 her paintings1 her little conservatory1 the portrait of her only child1 dressed in his uniform 7he was killed in one of the battles of the ,wilderness74 ,then1 owing to the rain1 none of us ladies were allowed to go into the cemetery1 and ,i had thought much of visiting my sister's grave and seeing her boy lying on one side and her husband on the other4 ,but our disappointments are as carefully planned for us as our sorrows1 so ,i have not a word to say4 ,after services at the house1 we walked to the church1 which we entered through a double file of uncovered students4 ,one of the most touching things about the service was the sight of four students standing in charge of the remains1 two at the head and two at the foot of the coffin4 ,his poor folks came in crowds1 with their hands full of flowers to be cast into his grave4 ,my brother said he never saw so many men shed tears at a funeral1 and ,i am sure ,i never did2 some sobbing as convulsively as women4 ,i could not help asking myself when my heart was swelling so with pain1 whether love paid4 ,love is sweet when all goes well1 but oh how fearfully exacting it is when separation comes6 ,how many tithes it takes of all we have and are6 ,a worthy young woman in our church has been driven into hysterics by reading ,holiness through ,faith4 ,i went to see her as soon as ,i got home from ,w4 yesterday1 but she was asleep under the influence of an opiate4 ,there is no doubt that too much self-scrutiny is pernicious1 especially to weak-minded1 ignorant young people4 ,it was said of ,prof4 ,hopkins that he would have been a mystic but for his love to souls1 and ,i am afraid these new doctrines tend too much to the seeking for peace and joy1 too little to seeking the salvation of the careless and worldly4 ,but ,i hesitate to criticise any class of good people1 feeling that those who live in most habitual communion with ,god receive light directly and constantly from on high2 and of that communion we can not seek too much4 #aj 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,christian ,parents to expect ,piety in their ,children4 ,perfection4 ,people make too much ,parade of their ,troubles4 ,higher ,life ,doctrines4 ,letter to ,mrs4 ,washburn4 ,last ,visit to ,williamstown4 ,early in ,june she went to ,dorset4 ,the summer1 like that of #ahga1 was shadowed by anxiety and inward conflict2 but her care-worn thoughts were greatly soothed by her rural occupations1 by visits from young friends1 and by the ever-fresh charms of nature around her4 ,to a ,christian ,friend1 ,dorset1 ,june #i1 #ahgb4 ,i was obliged to give up my much-desired visit to you4 ,we went on to the funeral of ,prof4 ,hopkins1 and that took three days out of the busy time just before coming here4 ,i particularly wanted you to know at the time that my three younger children united with the church on ,sunday last1 but had not a moment in which to write you4 ,it was a touching sight to our people4 ,mr4 ,p4 looked down on his children so lovingly1 and kissed them when the covenant had been read4 ,he said ---'s face was so full of soul that he could not help it1 and his heart yearned over them all4 ,someone said there was not a dry eye in the house4 ,i felt not elated1 not cast down1 but at peace4 ,i think it plain that ,christian parents are to expect piety in their children1 and expect it early4 ,in mine it is indeed first the blade1 and they will1 no doubt1 have their trials and temptations4 ,but it seems to me ,i must leave them in ,god's hands and let ,him lead them as ,he will4 ,it was very sweet to have the elements passed to me by their young hands4 ,offer one earnest prayer for them at least1 that they may prove true soldiers and servants of ,jesus ,christ4 ,no doubt your two little sainted ones looked on and loved the children of their mother's friend4 ,the following testimony of one of ,president ,garfield's classmates and intimate friends may fitly be added here3 ,for him there was but one ,mark ,hopkins in all the world2 but for ,professor ,albert ,hopkins also1 or ',prof4 ,al41' as he was called in those days1 the ,general--not only while at college1 but all through life-- entertained the highest regard1 both as a man and a scholar4 ,his intellectual attainments were thought by ,gen4 ,g4 to be of an unusually fine order1 rivalling those of his brother1 and often eliciting the admiration not only of himself1 but of all the other students4 ,in speaking of his ,williamstown life1 ,gen4 ,garfield always referred to ,prof4 ,hopkins in the most affectionate manner2 and1 both from his own statements and my personal observation1 ,i know that their mutual college relations were of the pleasantest nature possible4 ,on the subject of perfection1 you say ,i am looking for angelic perfection4 ,i see no difference in kind4 ,perfection is perfection to my mind1 and ,i have always thought it a dangerous thing for a soul to fancy it had attained it4 ,yet1 in her last letters to me1 ,miss ---- virtually professes to have become free from sin4 ,she says self and sin are the same thing1 and that she is entirely dead to self4 ,what is this but complete sanctification8 ,what can an angel say more8 ,i feel painfully bewildered amid conflicting testimonies1 and sometimes long to flee away from everybody4 ,miss ----'s last letter saddened me1 ,i will own4 ,you say1 ,i am in danger of becoming morbid1 or stupid1 or wild1 or something ,i ought not4 ,why in danger8 ,according to your own doctrine you are safe2 being entirely sanctified from moment to moment4 ,at any rate ,i can say nothing to quicken you1 for ,i am morbid and stupid1 though just now not wild4 ,those sharp temptations have ceased1 though perhaps only for a season2 but ,i have been physically weakened by them1 and have got to take care of myself1 go to bed early1 and vegetate all ,i can--and this when ,i ought to be hard at work ministering to other souls4 ,the fact is1 ,i don't know anything and don't do anything1 but just get through the day somehow1 wondering what all this strange1 unfamiliar state of things will end in4 ,poor ,m---- has gone crazy on ,holiness through ,faith1 and will probably have to go to an asylum4444 ,our little home looks and is very pleasant4 ,i take some comfort in it1 and try to realise the goodness that gives me such a luxury4 ,but a soul that has known what it is to live to ,christ can be happy only in ,him4 ,may ,he be all in all to you1 and consciously so to me in ,his own good time4 ,to ,miss ,woolsey1 ,dorset1 ,june #bc1 #ahgb4 ,i wish you could come and take a look at us this quiet afternoon4 ,not a soul is to be seen or heard2 the mountains are covered with the soft haze that says the day is warm but not oppressive1 and here and there a brilliantly colored bird flies by1 setting ,tweedle ,dum1 our taciturn canary1 into tune4 ,m4 and ,i have driven at our out-door work like a pair of steam-engines1 and you can imagine how dignified ,i am from the fact that an old fuddy-duddy who does occasional jobs for me1 summons me to my window by a ,hullo6 beneath it1 while ,g4 says to us1 ,where are you girls going to sit this afternoon8 ,your sister's allusion to ,watts and ,select ,hymns reminds me of ages long past1 when ,i used to sing the whole book through as ,i marched night after night through my room1 carrying a colicky baby up and down for fifteen months1 till ,i became a living skeleton4 ,we do contrive to live through queer experiences4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,dorset1 ,aug4 #c1 #ahgb4 ,the lines you kindly copied for me have the ring of the true metal and ,i like them exceedingly4 ,people make too much parade of their troubles and too much fuss about them2 the fact is we are all born to tribulation1 as we also are to innumerable joys1 and there is no sense in being too much depressed or elated by either4 ,the saddest birds a season find to sing4 ,few if any lives flow in unmingled currents4 ,as to myself1 my rural tastes are so strong1 and ,i have so much to absorb and gratify me1 that ,i need a mixture of experience4 ,two roses that bloomed in my garden this morning1 made my heart leap with delight1 and when ,i get off in the woods with ,m41 and we collect mosses and ferns and scarlet berries1 ,i am conscious of great enjoyment in them4 ,at the same time1 if ,i thought it best to tell the other side of the story1 ,i should want some very black ink with which to do it4 ,we must take life as ,god gives it to us1 without murmurings and disputings1 and with the checks on our natural eagerness that keeps us mindful of ,him4 ,you speak of the ,higher ,life people4 ,i still hold my judgment in suspense in regard to their doctrines1 reading pretty much all they send me1 and asking daily for light from on high4 ,i have had some talks this summer with ,dr4 ,stearns on these subjects1 and he urges me to keep where ,i am1 but ,i try not to be too much influenced for or against doctrines ,i do not1 by experience1 understand4 ,let us do the will of ,god 7and suffer it7 and we shall learn of the doctrine4 ,to ,mrs4 ,washburn1 ,kauinfels1 ,friday ,evening1 7,september1 #ahgb74 ,i have done nothing but tear my hair ever since you left1 to think ,i let you go4 ,it would have been so easy to send you to ,manchester to-morrow morning1 after a night here1 and an evening over our little wood-fire1 but we were so glad to see you both1 so bewildered by your sudden appearance1 that neither of us thought of it till you were gone4 ,and now you are still within reach1 and we want you to reconsider your resolution to turn your backs upon us after such a long1 fatiguing journey1 and eating no salt with us4 ,i did not urge your staying because ,i do so hate to be urged myself4 ,but ,i want you to feel what a great pleasure it would be to us if you could make up your minds to stay at least over ,sunday1 or if to-morrow and ,sunday are unpleasant1 just a day or two more1 to take our favorite drives with us1 and give us what you may never have a chance to give us again4 ,i declare ,i shall think you are crazy1 if you don't stay a few days1 now that you are here4 ,we have been longing to have you come1 and only waiting for our place to be a little less naked in order to lay violent hands on you2 but now you have seen the nakedness of the land1 we don't care1 but want you to see more of it4 ,this is the time1 and exactly the time1 when we have nothing to do but to enjoy our visitors1 and next year the house may be running over4 ,and if you don't come now1 you'll have the plague of having to come some other time1 and it is a long1 formidable journey4 ,why didn't we just take and lock you up when we had hold of you6 ,well1 now ,i've torn out all my hair1 and people will be saying1 ,go up1 thou bald-head4 ,besides--you left them bunch-berries6 and do you suppose you can go home without them8 ,why1 it wouldn't be safe4 ,you would be run off the track1 and scalded by steam1 and broken all to pieces1 and caught on the cow-catcher1 and get lost1 and be run away with1 and even struck by lightning1 ,i shouldn't wonder4 ,and now if you go in to-morrow's train you'll catch the small-pox and the measles and the scarlet fever and the yellow fever1 and all the colors-in-the-rainbow fever1 and go into a consumption and have the pleurisy1 and the jaundice and the tooth-ache and the headache1 and1 above all1 the conscience-ache4 ,and you never ate any of our corn or our beans6 ,you never so much as asked the receipt for our ironclads6 ,you haven't seen our cow4 ,you haven't been down cellar4 ,you haven't fished in our brook4 ,you haven't been here at all1 now ,i come to think of it4 ,i dreamed you flew through1 but it was nothing but a dream4 ,and the houses have a habit of burning down1 and ours is going to do as the rest do1 and then how'll you feel in your minds8 ,and when folks set themselves up against us1 and won't let us have our own way1 why then ,i tell my daughter ,what makes folks do as they'd oughter not1 ,and why don't they do as they'd oughter8 ,and we all pine away and die like the babes in the woods1 and nobody's left to cover us up with leaves4 ,send all these arguments home by telegram1 and your folks will shoot you if you dare to go4 ,i could write another sheet if it would do any good4 ,now do lay my words to heart1 and come right back4 ,to ,miss ,morse1 ,dorset1 ,oct4 #g1 #ahgb4 ,i sent home my servants a month ago1 and they have been getting the parsonage to rights1 while ,i have in their places two dear old souls who came to live with me twenty years ago4 ,one stayed ten years and then got married1 the other ,i parted with when my children died because ,i did not need her4 ,it has been a green spot in the summer to have these affectionate1 devoted creatures in the house4 ,we have had only one slight frost1 but the woods have been gradually changing1 and are in spots very beautiful4 ,we 7you know what that word means7 have been off gathering bright leaves for ourselves and the servants1 who care for pretty things just as we do4 ,yet not a flower has gone2 we have had a host of verbenas and gladioli1 some ,japanese lilies1 and so on1 and have been able to give some pleasure to those who have not time to cultivate them for themselves4 ,it has been a dreadful season for sickness here1 and flowers have been wanted in many a sick-room1 and at some funerals4 ,since ,i wrote you last we have been to ,williamstown4 ,i wanted to get possession of my sister's private papers4 ,everything passed off nicely2 ,i burned a large amount and brought away a trunk full1 a part of which ,i have been reading with deep interest4 ,her journals date back to the age of fifteen1 though to read the early ones you would never dream of her being less than twenty or thirty4 ,she was a wonderful woman1 and as ,i found such ample material for a memorial of her life1 ,i felt half tempted to carry out her husband's wishes and complete one4 ,but on the whole ,i do not think ,i shall4 ,you can imagine how my soul has been stirred by the whole thing2 the farewell to the familiar objects of my childhood1 the sense of a new race taking possession of her conservatory1 her shells1 her minerals1 her pictures1 her ,german1 ,french1 ,italian1 ,spanish1 ,latin1 ,hebrew and ,greek library--dear me6 but ,i need not enlarge on it to you4 ,and how stupid it is not to forget it all alongside of her ten years in heaven6 #a ,especially after a time of some special seasons of grace1 and some special new supplies of grace1 received in such seasons1 7as after the holy sacrament71 then will he set on most eagerly1 when he knows of the richest booty4 ,the pirates that let the ships pass as they go by empty1 watch them well1 when they return richly laden2 so doth this great ,pirate4--,archbishop ,leighton1 on ,i ,peter1 v4 #h4 #b ,cynegvius1 a valiant ,athenian1 being in a great sea-fight against the ,medes1 espying a ship of the enemy's well manned1 and fitted for service1 when no other means would serve1 he grasped it with his hands to maintain the fight2 and when his right hand was cut off1 he held close with his left2 but both hands being taken off1 he held it fast with his teeth4 #c ,the following lines found on one of its blank pages were written perhaps at this time3 ,precious companion6 rendered dear ,by trial-hours of many a year1 ,i love thee with a tenderness ,which words have never yet defined4 ,when tired and sad and comfortless1 ,with aching heart and weary mind1 ,how oft thy words of promise stealing ,like ,gilead's balm-drops--soft and low4 ,have touched the heart with power of healing1 ,and soothed the sharpest hour of woe4 #d ,a friend writing to ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 under date of ,september #bd1 #ahgb1 refers to ,lady ,stanley's high praise of ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told1 and then adds3 ,you must be so accustomed to friendly 'notices'--so almost bored by them--that ,i hesitate to tell you of meeting another admirer of yours in the person of ,mrs4 ----1 of ,philadelphia1 who was indebted to you for the return of a little text-book4 ,she means to call on you some day1 if she is ever in ,new ,york1 to thank you in person for that act of kindness of yours1 and for your ',stepping ,heavenward4' ,she is a daughter of the late ,chief ,justice of ,pennsylvania4 ,her mother1 a staunch old ,scotch lady over #hj1 has just returned from ,europe4 ,mrs4 ---- is a very interesting woman1 of warm religious feelings and very outspoken4 ,she was the companion of the famous ,mrs4 ,h41 of ,philadelphia1 all through the war1--as one of the independent workers1 or perhaps in connection with the ,christian ,commission4 ,she witnessed the battle of ,chancellorsville--a part of it at ,mary's ,heights1 and has told me a great deal that was thrilling--told as she tells it--even at this late day4 ,she has the profoundest belief in what is called the 'work of faith' by prayer and ,i don't believe she would shrink from accepting ,prof4 ,tyndall's challenge4 #e ,from the ,power of the ,cross of ,christ4 #f ,briefe an eine ,freundin1 a remarkable little book1 full of light and sweetness4 #g ,praying before others4 #h ,since the warning we had the other day that we may be snatched from our children1 ought we not to try to form some plan for them in case of such an emergency8 ,i can't account for it1 that in those fearful moments ,i thought only of them4 ,i should have said ,i ought to have had some thought of the world we seemed to be hurrying to4 ,i suppose there was the instinctive yet blind sense that the preparation for the next life had been made for us by the ,lord1 and that1 as far as that life was concerned1 we had nothing to do but to enter it4 ,i shudder when ,i think what a desolate home this might be to-day4 ,poor things6 they've got everything before them1 without one experience and discipline6--,from a letter to her husband1 dated ,dorset1 ,sept4 #ag1 #ahga4 #i ,the ,presence of ,christ4 ,lectures on the ,,xxiii4 ,psalm4 ,by ,anthony ,w4 ,thorold1 ,lord ,bishop of ,rochester4 ,a4 ,d4 ,f4 ,randolph ,co4 #aj ,albert ,hopkins was born in ,stockbridge1 ,mass41 ,july #ad1ahjg4 ,he was graduated at ,williams ,college in the class of #ahbf1 and three years later became ,professor of ,mathematics and ,natural ,philosophy in the same institution4 ,astronomy was afterward added to his chair4 ,in #ahcd he went abroad4 ,in the summer of #ahce he organised and conducted a ,natural ,history expedition to ,nova ,scotia1 the first expedition of the kind in this country4 ,two years later he built at his own expense1 and in part by the labor of his own hands1 the astronomical observatory at ,williamstown4 ,in this also1 it is said1 in advance of all others erected exclusively for purposes of instruction4 ,he was a devoted and profound student1 as well as an accomplished teacher1 of natural science4 ,but he was still more distinguished for his piety and his religious influence in the college4 ,hundreds of students in successive classes learned to love and revere him as a holy man of ,god--many of them as their spiritual father4 ,the history of ,american colleges affords probably no instance of a happier1 or more remarkable1 union of true science with that personal holiness and zeal for ,god1 by which hearts are won for ,christ4 ,full of faith and of the ,holy ,ghost1 he did the work of an evangelist for more than forty years--not in the college only1 but all over the town4 ,during the last six years of his life he devoted himself especially to the ,white ,oaks--a district in the north-east part of ,williamstown-which had long before excited his sympathy on account of the poverty1 vice1 and degradation which marked the neighborhood4 ,he identified himself with the population by buying and carrying on a small farm among them4 ,he also established a ,sunday-school1 and then he built with the aid of friends a tasteful chapel1 which was dedicated in ,october1 #ahff4 ,later the ,church of ,christ in the ,white ,oaks was organised1 and here1 as his failing strength allowed1 he preached and labored the rest of his days4 ,prof4 ,hopkins was an enthusiastic lover of nature4 ,a few years before his death he organised a society called ,the ,alpine ,club1 composed chiefly of young ladies1 with whom1 as their chosen leader1 he made excursions summer after summer--camping out often among the hills4 ,he took them to many a picturesque nook and retreat1 of which they had never heard1 in the mountains near by4 ,he also explored with them other interesting and remoter portions of northern ,berkshire1 and interpreted to them on the spot the thoughts of ,god1 as they appeared in the infinitely varied and beautiful details of ,his works4 ,in these excursions he seemed as young as any of his young companions1 with feelings as fresh and joyous as theirs4 ,in earlier years he was a very grave man1 with something of the old ,puritan sternness in his looks and ways1 and he bore still the aspect of a homo gravis2 but his gentleness1 his tender devotion to the gay young companions who surrounded him1 and the almost boyish delight with which he shared in their pleasures1 took away all its sternness and lighted up his strongly-marked countenance with singular grace and beauty4 ,in these closing years of his life he was1 indeed1 the ideal of a ripe and noble ,christian manhood4 ,his name is embalmed in the memory of a great company of his old pupils1 now scattered far and wide1 from the ,white ,house at ,washington to the remotest corners of the earth4 ,p4,s4--,this was written soon after the inauguration of ,gen4 ,garfield1 to whom allusion is made4 ,his high regard for the venerable ex-,president of ,williams ,college--the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,mark ,hopkins--he made known to the whole country1 but the younger brother was also the object of his warmest esteem and love1 and the feeling was heartily reciprocated4 ,nearly a score of years ago1 when he was just emerging into public notice from the bloody field of ,chickamauga1 ,prof4 ,hopkins spoke of him to the writer in terms so full of praise and so prophetic of his future career1 that they seem in perfect harmony with the sentiment at once of admiration and poignant grief which to-day moves the heart of the whole ,american people--yea1 one might almost say1 which is inspiring all ,christendom4--,saturday1 ,sept4 #bd1 #ahha4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,peaceable ,,fruit4 #ahgc-ahgd4 ,i4 ,effect of spiritual ,conflict upon her religious ,life4 ,overflowing ,affections4 ,her ,husband called to ,union ,theological ,seminary4 ,baptism of ,suffering4 ,the ,character of her ,friendships4 ,no perfect ,life4 ,prayer4 ,only ,god can satisfy a ,woman4 ,why human ,friendship is a ,snare4 ,letters4 ,the trouble which had so long weighed upon her heart1 crossed with her the threshold of #ahgc1 but long before the close of the year it had in large measure passed away4 ,such suffering1 however1 always leaves its marks behind2 and when complicated with ill-health or bodily weakness1 often lingers on after its main cause has been removed4 ,it was so in her case2 she was1 perhaps1 never again conscious of that constant spiritual delight which she had once enjoyed4 ,but if less full of sunshine1 her religious life was all the time growing deeper and more fruitful1 was centering itself more entirely in ,christ and rising faster heavenward4 ,its sympathies also became1 if possible1 still more tender and loving4 ,her whole being1 indeed1 seemed to gather new light and sweetness from the sharp discipline she had been passing through4 ,even when most tried and tempted1 as has been said1 she had kept her trouble to herself2 few of her most intimate friends knew of its existence2 to the world she appeared a little more thoughtful and somewhat careworn1 but otherwise as bright as ever4 ,but now1 at length1 the old vivacity and playfulness and merry laugh began to come back again4 ,never did her heart glow with fresher1 more ardent affections4 ,in a letter to a young cousin1 who was moving about from place to place1 she says3 ,i shall feel more free to write often1 if you can tell me that the postmaster at ,c4 forwards your letters from the office at no expense to you1 as he ought to do4 ,it is very silly in me to mind your paying three cents for one of my love-letters1 but it's a ,payson trait1 and ,i can't help it1 though ,i should be provoked enough if you did mind paying a dollar apiece for them4 ,there's consistency for you6 ,well1 ,i know1 and ,i'm awfully proud of it1 that you'll get very few letters from as loving a fountain as my heart is4 ,i've got enough to drown a small army--and sometimes when you're homesick1 and cousin-,lizzy-sick1 and friend-sick1 ,i shall come to you1 done up in a sheet of paper1 and set you all in a breeze4 ,her letters during the first half of this year were few1 and relate chiefly to those aspects of the ,christian life with which her own experience was still making her so familiar4 ,god's plan with most of us1 she wrote to ,mrs4 ,humphrey1 appears to be a design to make us flexible1 twisting us this way and that1 now giving1 now taking2 but always at work for and in us4 ,almost every friend we have is going through some peculiar discipline4 ,i fancy there is no period in our history when we do not need and get the sharp rod of correction4 ,the thing is to grow strong under it1 and yet to walk softly4 ,i do not care how much ,i suffer1 she wrote to a friend1 if ,god will purge and purify me and fit me for greater usefulness4 ,what are trials but angels to beckon us nearer to ,him6 ,and ,i do hope that mine are to be a blessing to some other soul1 or souls1 in the future4 ,i can't think suffering is meant to be wasted1 if fragments of bread created miraculously1 were not4 ,she studied about this time with great interest the teaching of ,scripture concerning the baptism of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,the work of the ,spirit had not before specially occupied her thoughts4 ,in her earlier writings she had laid but little stress upon it--not because she doubted its reality or its necessity1 but because her mind had not been led in that direction4 ,stepping ,heavenward is full of ,god and of ,christ1 but there is in it little express mention of the ,spirit and ,his peculiar office in the life of faith4 ,when this fact was brought to her notice she herself appeared to be surprised at it1 and would gladly have supplied the omission4 ,to be sure1 there is no mention at all of the ,holy ,spirit in several of the ,epistles of the ,new ,testament2 but a carefully-drawn picture of ,christian life and progress1 like ,stepping ,heavenward1 would1 certainly1 have been rendered more complete and attractive by fuller reference to the ,blessed ,comforter and ,his inspiring influences4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,new ,york1 ,jan4 #h1 #ahgc4 ,i feel very sorry for you that you are under temptation4 ,i have been led1 for some time1 to pray specially for the tempted1 for ,i have learned to pity them as greater sufferers than those afflicted in any other way4 ,for1 in proportion to our love to ,christ1 will be the agony of terror lest we should sin and fall1 and so grieve and weary ,him4 ,one sinful wish could make a hell of heaven2 strong language1 but not too strong1 to my mind4 ,i can only say1 suffer1 but do not yield4 ,sometimes ,i think that silent1 submissive patience is better than struggle4 ,it is sweet to be in the sunshine of the ,master's smile1 but ,i believe our souls need winter as well as summer1 night as well as day4 ,perhaps not to the end2 ,i have not come to that yet1 and so do not know2 ,i speak from my own experience1 as far as it goes4 ,temptation has this one good side to it3 it keeps us down2 we are ashamed of ourselves1 we see we have nothing to boast of4 ,i told you1 you will perhaps remember1 that you were going to enter the valley of humiliation in which ,i have dwelt so long1 but ,i trust we are only taking it in our way to the land of ,beulah4 ,and how we pant to be there6 ,what a curious friendship ours has been6 and it is one that can never sever--unless1 indeed1 we fall away from ,christ1 which may ,he in mercy forbid6444 ,i do pray for you twice every day1 and hope you pray for me4 ,i do long so to know the truth and to enter into it4 ,certainly ,i have got some new light during the last year1 in the midst of my trials1 both within and without4 ,to another young friend she writes a few days later3 ,i remember when ,i was1 religiously1 at your age ,i was longing for holiness1 but my faith staggered at some of the conditions for it4 ,i had no conception1 much as ,christ was to me1 what ,he was going to become4 ,but ,i wish ,i could make you a birth-day present of my experience since then1 and you could have ,him now1 instead of learning1 as ,i had to learn ,him1 in much tribulation4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,jan4 #ae1 #ahgc4 ,i have been meaning1 for some days1 to write you about the ,professorship4 #a ,it is a new one1 and is called the ,skinner and ,mc,alpine chair1 and ,mr4 ,prentiss says there could not be a more agreeable field of usefulness4 ,it is most likely that he will feel it to be his duty to accept4 ,as to myself1 ,i am about apathetic on the subject4 ,my will has been broken over the ,master's knee1 if ,i may use such an expression1 by so much suffering1 that ,i look with indifference on such outward changes4 ,we can be made willing to be burnt alive1 if need be4 ,for four or five years to come ,i shall not be obliged to leave the church ,i love so dearly2 if the ,seminary is moved out to ,harlem1 it will be different2 but it is not worth while to think of that now4 ,it seems to me that ,mr4 ,p4 has reached an age when1 never being very strong1 a change like this may be salutary4 ,february #c;d4--,you will be sorry to hear that dear ,mrs4 ,c4 is quite sick4 ,her daughters are all worn out with the care of her4 ,i was there all day ,saturday1 but ,i can do nothing in the way of night watching2 nor much at any time4 ,a very little over-exertion knocks me up this winter4 ,it is just as much as ,i can do to keep my head above water4444 ,sometimes ,i think that the dreadful experience ,i have been passing through is ,god's way of baptizing me2 some have to be baptized with suffering4 ,certainly ,he has been sitting as the ,refiner1 bringing down my pride1 emptying me of this and that1 and not leaving me a foot to stand on4 ,if it all ends in sanctification ,i don't care what ,i suffer4 ,though cast down1 ,i am not in despair4 ,it is an encouragement to hear ,mahan compare states of the soul to house-cleaning time4 #b ,it is just so with me4 ,every chair and table1 every broom and brush is out of place1 topsy-turvy4444 ,but ,i can't believe ,god has been wasting the last two years on me2 ,i can't help hoping that ,he is answering my prayer1 my cry for holiness--only in a strange way4 ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,abbot spent ,sunday and ,monday with us a week ago1 and ,i read to them ,dr4 ,steele's three tracts and lent them ,mahan4 ,they were much interested1 but ,i do not know how much struck4 ,i can not smile1 as some do1 at ,dr4 ,steele's testimony4 ,i believe in it fully and heartily4 ,if ,i do not know what it is to find ,god real1 ,i do not know anything4 ,never was my faith in the strongest doctrines of ,christianity stronger than it is now4 ,feb4 #acth4--,i spent part of yesterday in reading ,stepping ,heavenward6 ,you will think that very strange till ,i add that it was in ,german2 and1 as the translator has all my books1 ,i wanted to know whether she had done this work satisfactorily before authorising her to proceed with the rest4 ,she has omitted so much1 that it is rather an abridgment than a translation2 otherwise it is well done4 ,but she has so purged it of vivacity1 that ,i am afraid it will plod on leaden feet1 if it plods at all1 heavenward4 ,and now ,i must hurry off to my sewing-circle4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,april #d1 #ahgc4 ,i want to correct any mistaken impression ,i have made on you in conversation4 ,the utmost ,i meant to say was1 that ,i had got new light intellectually1 or theologically1 on the subject of the working of the ,spirit4 ,in the sense in which ,i use the words baptism of the ,holy ,ghost1 ,i certainly do not consider that ,i have received it4 ,i think it means perfect consecration4444 ,thus far1 no matter what people profess1 ,i have never come into close contact with any life that ,i did not find more or less imperfect4 ,i find1 in other words1 the best human beings fallible1 and very fallible4 ,the best ,i can say of myself is1 that ,i see the need of immense advances in the divine life4 ,i find it hard to be patient with myself when ,i see how far ,i am from reaching even my own poor standard2 but if ,i do not love ,christ and long to please ,him1 ,i do not love anybody or anything4 ,and if ,i have talked less to you on these sacred subjects this winter1 it has been partly owing to my seeing less of you1 and an impalpable but real barrier between us which ,i have not known how to account for1 but which made me cautious in pushing religion on you4 ,young people usually have their ups and downs and fluctuations of feeling before they settle down on to fixed principles1 paying no regard to feeling1 and older ,christians should bear with them1 make allowance for this1 and never obtrude their own views or experiences4 ,i think you will come out all right4 ,satan will fight hard for you1 and perhaps for a time get the upper hand2 but ,i believe the ,lord and ,master will prevail4 ,perhaps we are never dearer to ,him than when the wings on which we once flew to ,him1 hang drooping and broken at our side1 and we have to make our weary way on foot4 ,i am always thankful to have my heart stirred and warmed by ,christian letters or conversation2 always glad to see any signs of the presence of the ,holy ,spirit at work in a human soul4 ,but never force yourself to write or talk of spiritual things2 try rather to get so full of ,christ that mention of ,him shall be natural and spontaneous4 ,to the ,same1 ,april #ae1 #ahgc4 ,i have just been reading the sermon of ,dr4 ,hopkins on prayer you sent me4 ,it sounds just like him4 ,i think his brother and mine 7by marriage7 would have treated the subject just as logically and far more practically2 still1 under the circumstances1 that was not desirable4 ,as to myself1 ,i would rather have the simple testimony of some unknown praying woman1 who is in the habit of waiting on ,god1 than all the theological discussions in the world4 ,the subject1 as you know1 is one of deep interest to me4 ,i have not answered your letter1 because ,i was not quite sure what it was best to say4 ,during the winter ,i was not sure what had come between us1 and thought it best to let time show2 and ,i have been harassed and perplexed by certain anxieties1 with which it did not seem necessary to trouble you1 to a degree that may have given me a preoccupied manner4 ,there have been points where ,i wanted a divine illumination which ,i did not get4 ,i wanted to hear1 ,this is the way1 walk in it2 but that word has not come yet1 and almost all my spiritual life has been running in that one line1 keeping me1 necessarily1 out of sympathy with everybody4 ,as far as this has been a fault1 it has reacted upon you1 to whom ,i ought to have been more of a help4 ,but ,i can say that it delights me to see you even trying to take a step onward1 and to know that while still young1 and with the temptations of youth about you1 you have set your face heavenward4 ,your temptations1 like mine1 are through the affections4 ,only ,god can satisfy a woman2 and yet we try1 every now and then1 to see if we can't find somebody else worth leaning on4 ,we never shall1 and it is a great pity we can not always realise it4 ,i never deliberately make this attempt now1 but am still liable to fall into the temptation4 ,i am sure that ,i can never be really happy and at rest out of or far from ,christ1 nor do ,i want to be4 ,getting new and warm friends is all very well1 but ,i emerge from this snare into a deepening conviction that ,i must learn to say1 ,none but ,christ4444 ,now1 dear ----1 it is a dreadful thing to be cold towards our best ,friend'2 a calamity if it comes upon us through ,satan2 a sin and folly if it is the result of any fault or omission of our own4 ,there is but one refuge from it1 and that is in just going to ,him and telling ,him all about it4 ,we can not force ourselves to love ,him1 but we can ask ,him to give us the love1 and sooner or later ,he will4 ,he may seem not to hear1 the answer may come gradually and imperceptibly1 but it will come4 ,he has given you one friend at least who prays for your spiritual advance every day4 ,i hope you pray thus for me4 ,friendship that does not do that is not worth the name4 ,april #agth4--,of course1 ,i'll take the will for the deed and consider myself covered with orange blossoms1 like a babe in the wood4 ,and it is equally of course that ,i was married with lots of them among my lovely auburn locks1 and wore a veil in point lace twenty feet long4 ,i have had several titles given me in ,dorset--among others1 a child of nature--and last night ,i was shown a letter in which 7,i hope it is not wicked to quote it in such a connexion7 ,i am styled a ,princess in ,christ's ,kingdom4 ,can you cap this climax8 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,goes to ,dorset4 ,christian ,example4 ,at ,work among her ,flowers4 ,dangerous ,illness4 ,her ,feeling about ,dying4 ,death an ,invitation from ,christ4 ,the ,under-current bears ,home4 ,more ,love1 ,more love6 ,a ,trait of ,character4 ,special ,mercies4 ,what makes a sweet ,home4 ,letters4 ,early in ,june1 accompanied by the three younger children1 she went to ,dorset4 ,this change always put her into a glow of pleasurable emotion4 ,once out of the city1 she was like a bird let loose from its cage4 ,in a letter to her husband1 dated ,somewhere on the road1 five o'clock ,p4,m41 she wrote3 ,m4 is laughing at me because1 ,paddy-like1 ,i proposed informing you in a ,p4 ,s4 that we had reached ,dorset2 as if the fact of mailing a letter there could not prove it4 ,so ,i will take her advice and close this now4 ,i feel that our cup of mercies is running over4 ,we ought to be ever so good6 ,and ,i am ever so loving6 ,we are all as gay as larks1 she wrote a few days later2 and in spite of heat1 drought1 over-work and sickness1 she continued in this mood most of the summer4 ,but while gay as a lark1 she was also grave and thoughtful4 ,her delight in nature seemed only to increase her interest in divine things and her longing to be like ,christ4 ,in a letter to one of her young friends1 having spoken of prayer as the greatest favor one friend can render another1 she adds3 ,but perhaps ,i may put one beyond it--,christian example4 ,i ought to be so saintly1 so consecrated1 that you could not be with me and not catch the very spirit of heaven2 never get a letter from me that did not quicken your steps in the divine life4 ,but while ,i believe the principle of love to ,christ is entrenched in the depths of my soul1 the emotion of love is hot always in that full play ,i want it to be4 ,no doubt ,he judges us by the principle ,he sees to exist in us1 but we can't help judging ourselves1 in spite of ourselves1 by our feelings4 ,at church this morning my mind kept wandering to and fro2 ,i thought of you about twenty times2 thought about my flowers2 thought of #eja other things2 and then got up and sang ,i love ,thy kingdom1 ,lord1 as if ,i cared for that and nothing else4 ,what ,he has to put up with in me6 ,but ,i believe in ,him1 ,i love ,him1 ,i hate everything in my soul and in my life that is unlike ,him4 ,i hope the confession of my shortcomings won't discourage you2 it is no proof that at my age you will not be far beyond such weakness and folly as often carry me away captive4444 ,as far as earthly blessings go ,i am as near perfect happiness as a human being can be2 everything is heaped on me4 ,what ,i want is more of ,christ1 and that is what ,i hope you pray that ,i may have4 ,to another young friend she writes1 ,june #abth3 ,we have varied experiences1 sick or well1 and the discipline of a heart not perfectly satisfied with what it gets from ,god1 often alternates with the peace of which you speak as just now yours4 ,what a blessed thing this very peace of ,god is6 ,there is no earthly joy to be compared with it4 ,but to go patiently on without it1 when it is not given1 is1 ,i think1 a great achievement2 for instance1 if ,i held no communication with you for a year1 would it not be a wonderful proof of your love to and faith in me1 if you kept on writing me and telling me your joys and trials8 ,to go back--,i have been a good deal confused by the contradictory testimony of different ,christians1 and am driven more and more to a conviction that human beings1 at the best1 are very fallible4 ,we must get our light directly from on high4 ,at the same time we influence each other for right or for wrong1 and one who is thoroughly upright and true1 will1 unconsciously1 influence and help those about him4444 ,i am enjoying1 as ,i always do1 having the three younger children close about me here1 and all sleeping on my floor4 ,we are really like four children1 continually frolicking together4 ,we are all crowded now into my den1 and ,i wish you were here with us to be the fifth kitten4 ,did you ever read that story8 ,to ,mrs4 ,catherine ,g4 ,leeds1 ,dorset1 ,july #ab1 #ahgc4 ,it was ever so kind in you to let us share in your relief and pleasure1 and we unite in affectionate congratulations to you all4 ,i do hope this new and precious treasure will be spared to his dear mother1 and grow up to be her stay and staff years hence4 ,it is the nicest thing in the world to have a baby4 ,what marvels they are in every respect1 but especially in their royal power over us6 ,in spite of the dry weather we have had a pleasant summer1 so far4 ,just before we entirely burned up and turned to tinder1 showers came to our relief1 and our gardens are putting on some faint smiles and making some promises4 ,i did not allow a drop of water to be wasted for weeks2 dish-water1 soap-suds1 dairy water1 everything went to my flower-beds1 and each night1 after ,mr4 ,prentiss came1 a barrel-full was carted up from the pond for me2 how many the rest used ,i don't know4 ,disposing of such a load has not been blessed to my health1 and ,i have had to draw in my horns a little1 but ,m4 and ,i work generally like two day-laborers for the wages we get1 and those wages are flowers here1 there and everywhere1 to say nothing of ferns1 brakes1 mosses1 scarlet berries1 and the like4 ,and when flowers fail we fall back on different shades of green2 the ,german ivy being relieved by a background of dark foliage1 or light grasses against grave ones2 and when we hit on any new combination1 each summons the other to be lost in admiration4 ,and when we are too sore and stiff from weeding1 grass-shearing or watering1 we fall to framing little pictures1 or to darning stockings1 which she does so beautifully that it has become a fine art with her1 or ,i betake myself to the sewing-machine and stitch for legs that seem to grow long by the minute4 ,what the rest of the family are about meanwhile1 ,i can not exactly say4 ,mr4 ,prentiss sits in a chair with an umbrella over his head1 and pulls up a weed now and then1 and then strolls off with a straw in his mouth2 he also drives off sometimes on foraging expeditions1 and comes back with butter1 eggs1 etc41 and on hot days takes a bath where a stream of cold water dashes over him2 splendid he says1 and horrid ,i say4 ,the boys are up to everything2 they are carpenters1 and plumbers1 and trouters1 and harnessers1 and drivers2 ,h4 has just learned to solder1 and saves me no little trouble and expense by stopping leakages2 heretofore every holey vessel had to be sent out of town4 ,both boys have gardens and sell vegetables to their father at extraordinary prices1 and they are now filling up a deep ditch #ejj feet long at a ,york shilling an hour--men get a long shilling and do the work no better4 ,with the money thus made they buy tools of all sorts1 seeds and fruit trees1 but no nonsense4 ,three happier children than these three can not be found4444 ,you may be interested1 too1 to know what are the famous works of art we are framing1 as above referred to4 ,well1 photographs of our kindred and friends for one thing3 my brothers1 my husband's mother and other relatives of his1 ,prof4 and ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,b4 ,b41 and so on1 a good deal as it has happened1 for everybody hasn't been photographed2 and some bodies have not given us their pictures--you1 for instance1 and if you want to be hung as high as ,haman in my den1 nine feet square1 where ,i write1 why1 you can4 ,last summer ,i had a mania for illuminating1 and made about a cord of texts and mottoes2 ,i can't paint1 so ,i cut letters out of red1 blue and black paper1 and deceived thereby the very elect1 for even ,mrs4 ,washburn was taken in1 and said they were painted nicely4 ,your little note has drawn large interest1 hasn't it8 ,well1 it deserved its fate4 ,hardly had she finished this letter when she was taken very ill4 ,for a while it seemed as if the time of her departure had come4 ,at her request the children were called to her bedside1 and she gave them in turn her dying counsels1 bade them live for ,christ as the only true1 abiding good1 and then kissed each of them good-bye4 ,she was much disappointed on finding that her sickness1 after all1 was not an invitation from the ,master4 ,you don't get away this time1 said her husband to her1 half playfully1 half exultingly1 referring to her eagerness to go4 ,and here it may not be amiss to say a word as to her state of mind respecting death4 ,after her release her husband thus described it to a friend3 ,her feeling about dying seemed to me to be almost unique4 ,in all my pastoral experience1 at least1 ,i do not recall another case quite like it4 ,her faith in a better world1 that is1 a heavenly1 was quite as strong as her faith in ,god and in ,christ2 she regarded it as the true home of the soul2 and the tendency of a good deal of modern culture to put this world in its place as man's highest sphere and end1 struck her as a mockery of the holiest instincts at once of humanity and religion4 ,death was associated in her mind with the instant realisation of all her sweetest and most precious hopes4 ,she viewed it as an invitation from the ,king of ,glory to come and be with ,him4 ,during the more than three-and-thirty years of our married life ,i doubt if there was ever a time when the summons would have found her unwilling to go2 rarely1 if ever1 a time when she would not have welcomed it with great joy4 ,on putting to her the question1 ,would you be ready to go now8 she would answer1 ,why1 yes1 in a tone of calm assurance1 rather of visible delight1 which ,i can never forget4 ,and during all her later years her answer to such a question would imply a sort of astonishment1 that anybody could ask it4 ,so strong1 indeed1 was her own feeling about death as a real boon to the ,christian1 that she was scarcely able1 ,i think1 fully to sympathise with those who regarded it with misgiving or terror4 ,the point may be illustrated1 perhaps1 by referring to her perfect fearlessness and repose in the midst of the most terrific thunder-storm4 ,no matter how vivid the lightning's flashes or how near and loud the claps that followed1 they affected her nerves as little as any summer breeze--scarcely ever awaking her if asleep1 or hindering her from going to sleep if awake4 ,and so it was with regard to the terrors of death4 ,but not merely was there an absence of all apparent dread of death1 but an exulting joy in the thought of it4 ,there is a passage in ,the ,home at ,greylock1 which was evidently inspired by her own experience4 ,it is where old ,mary1 when her first wild burst of grief was over1 said3 ,sure she's got her wish and died sudden4 ,she was always ready to go1 and now she's gone4 ,often's the time ,i've heard her talk about dying1 and ,i mind a time when she thought she was going1 and there was a light in her eye1 and ,what d'ye think of that8 says she4 ,i declare it was just as she looked when she says to me1 ,mary1 ,i'm going to be married1 and what d'ye think of that8 says she4 ,this feeling about death is the more noteworthy in her case because of her very deep1 poignant sense of sin and of her own unworthiness4 ,to a ,friend1 ,dorset1 ,july #bg1 #ahgc4 ,this is my third ,sunday home from church4 ,i have been confined to my bed only about a week1 but it took me some days to run down to that point1 and now it is taking some to run me up again4 ,i had two or three very suffering days and nights1 and the doctor was here nearly all of one day and night1 but was very kind1 understood my case and managed it admirably4 ,he is from ,manchester and is son of a missionary4 #c ,you speak in your letter of being oppressed by the heat1 and wearied by visitors1 and say that prayer is little more than uttering the name of ,jesus4 ,i have asked myself a great many times this summer how much that means4 ,all ,i can utter sometimes is ,thy name6 ,this line expresses my state for a good while4 ,of course getting out of one house into another and coming up here1 all in the space of one month1 was a great tax on time and strength1 and all my regular habits had to be broken up4 ,then before the ram was put in ,i over-exerted myself1 unconsciously1 carrying too heavy pails of water to my flower-beds1 and so broke down4 ,for some hours the end looked very near1 but ,i do not know whether it was stupidity or faith that made me so content to go4 ,i am afraid that a good deal of what passes for the one is really the other4 ,fortunately for us1 our faith does not entitle us to heaven any more than our stupidity shuts us out of it2 when we get there it will be through ,him who loved us4 ,but if ,i may judge by the experience of this little illness1 our hearts are not so tied to or in love with this world as we fear4 ,we make the most of it as long as we must stay in it2 but the under-current bears home4 ,the following extract from a letter to a young relative1 dated ,sept4 #bc;d1 furnishes at once a key to several marked traits of her character and a practical comment upon her own hymn1 ,more love to ,thee1 ,o ,christ6 ,i had no right to leave my friend undefended4 ,i prayed to do it aright4 ,if ,i did not ,i am not ashamed to say ,i am sorry for it1 and ask you to forgive me4 ,and if ,i were twice as old as ,i am1 and you twice as young1 ,i would do it4 ,i will not tolerate anything wrong in myself4 ,i hate1 ,i hate sin against my ,god and ,saviour1 and sin against the earthly friends whom ,i love with such a passionate intensity that they are able to wring my heart out1 and always will be1 if ,i live to be a hundred4444 ,people who feel strongly express themselves strongly2 vehemence is one of my faults4 ,let us pray for each other4 ,we have great capacities for enjoyment1 but we suffer more keenly than many of our race4 ,i have been an intense sufferer in many ways2 the story would pain you2 nobody can go through this world with a heart and a soul1 and jog along smoothly long at a time4444 ,i do not remember ever having a discussion on paper with my husband2 we should not dare to run the risk4 ,but ,i know ,i said something once in a letter1 ,i forget what1 that made him snatch the first train and rush to set things right1 though it cost him a two days' journey4 ,we are tremendous lovers still4 ,write and tell me we've kissed and made up6 ,we both mean well2 we don't want to hurt each other2 but each has one million points that are very vulnerable4 ,and neither can know these points in the other by intuition2 a cry of pain will often be the first intimation that the one can hurt the other just there4 ,we must touch each other with the tips of our fingers4444 ,to love ,christ more--this is the deepest need1 the constant cry of my soul4 ,down in the bowling-alley1 and out in the woods1 and on my bed1 and out driving1 when ,i am happy and busy1 and when ,i am sad and idle1 the whisper keeps going up for more love1 more love1 more love6 ,to a ,christian ,friend1 ,dorset1 ,oct4 #c1 #ahgc4 ,i do hope you will be in ,new ,york this winter and your mother1 too4 ,what a blessing to have a mother with whom one can hold ,christian communion6 ,you need some trials as a set-off to it4 ,you say few live up to what light they have2 it is true2 ,i think we get light just as fast as we are ready for it4 ,at the same time ,i must own that ,i have not all the light ,i need4 ,i am still puzzled as to the true way to live2 how far to cherish a spirit that makes one sit very lightly to all earthly things1 when that spirit unfits one1 to a great extent1 to be an agreeable1 thoroughly sympathising companion to one's children1 for instance4 ,my children have a real horror of ,miss ----1 because she thinks and talks on only one subject2 of course it never would do for me to do as she does1 as far as they are concerned4 ,perhaps the problem may be solved by a resort to the fact that we are not called to the same experience4 ,and yet an experience of as perfect love and faith as is ever vouchsafed to a soul on earth1 is what ,i long for4 ,at times my heart dies within me when ,i realise how much ,i need4 ,as you say1 no doubt the mental strain ,i had been passing through prepared the way for my break-down in health2 as ,i lay1 as ,i thought1 dying1 ,i said so to myself4 ,that strain is over2 ,i am in a sense at rest2 but not satisfied4 ,i have been too near to ,christ to be happy in anything else2 ,i don't mean by that1 however1 that ,i never try to be happy in other things--alas1 ,i do4 ,as to the minor trials1 no life is without them4 ,but what mercies we get every now and then6 ,the other day three letters came to me by one mail1 each of which was important1 and came from exactly the quarter where ,i was troubled1 and dispersed the trouble to a great degree4 ,in fact ,i am overwhelmed with mercies1 and dreadfully stupid and unthankful for them4 ,i have had also some experiences of late of the smallness and meanness1 of which you have had specimens4 ,one has to betake oneself to prayer to get a sight of ,one1 who is large-hearted and noble and good and true4 ,oh1 how narrow human narrowness must look to ,him6 ,i don't know how many times ,i have smiled at your remark about ,miss ----3 ,she seems to have such a hard time to learn her lessons4 ,i feel sorry for her in one sense1 but if she belongs to ,christ1 isn't ,he home enough for her8 ,i think it always a very doubtful experiment to offer other people a home with you2 and equally doubtful whether such an offer is wisely accepted4 ,being a saint does not1 ,i am sorry to say1 necessarily make one an agreeable addition to the family circle as ,god has formed it2 if ,his hand sends this new element into the house1 of course one may expect grace to bear it2 but voluntarily to seek it argues either want of experience or an immense power of self-sacrifice4 ,i should prefer ,miss ----'s friends agreeing to give her an independent home1 as far as a boarding-house can furnish a home4 ,and if it provides a place in which to pray1 as sweet a home may be found there as anywhere4 ,we go to town on the ninth of this month4 ,mr4 ,prentiss has been gone some time1 and has entered upon his new duties with great delight4 ,i must confess that if ,i were going to choose my work in life1 ,i could think of nothing more congenial than to train young ,christians4 ,it has come over me lately that all those whom he now instructs1 have more or less of the new life in them4 ,i am sorry1 however1 to add that some young theological friends of mine deny this4 ,they say that many young men preparing for the ministry give no other sign of piety4 ,young people judge hastily and severely4 ,as soon as ,i get over my first hurry1 after reaching home1 ,i hope you will come and see me4444 ,you speak of my experience on my sick-bed as a precious one4 ,to tell you the truth1 it does not seem so to me2 ,i mean1 nothing extraordinary4 ,not to want to go1 if invited1 would be a contradiction to most of my life4 ,but as ,i was not invited ,i realise that ,i am needed here2 and ,i am afraid it was selfish to be so delighted to go1 horribly selfish4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,change of ,home and ,life in ,new ,york4 ,a ,book about ,robbie4 ,her ,sympathy with young ,people4 ,i have in me ,two different ,natures4 ,what ,dr4 ,de ,witt said at the ,grave of his ,wife4 ,the ,way to meet little ,trials4 ,faults in ,prayer-,meetings4 ,how special ,theories of the ,christian ,life are formed4 ,sudden ,illness of ,prof4 ,smith4 ,publication of ,golden ,hours4 ,how it was received4 ,her return from ,dorset brought with it a new order of life4 ,the transfer of her husband to a theological chair was almost as great a change to her as to him4 ,in ceasing to be a pastor's wife she gave up a position1 which for more than a quarter of a century had been to her a spring of constant joy1 and which1 notwithstanding its cares1 she regarded as one of the most favored on earth4 ,while in the parsonage1 too1 she was in the midst of her friends2 the removal to ,sixty-first street left the most of them at a distance2 and distance in ,new ,york is no slight hindrance to the full enjoyment of social intimacy and fellowship4 ,several weeks after the return to town were devoted to the congenial task of fitting-up and adorning the new home4 ,then for the first time in many years she found herself at leisure2 and one of its earliest fruits was a selection of stray religious verses for publication2 which1 however1 soon gave way to a volume of her own4 ,she was able also to give special attention to her favorite religious reading4 ,the sharp trials and suffering of the previous years showed their effect in deepened spiritual convictions1 humility and tenderness of feeling1 but not in repressing her natural playfulness4 ,at times her spirits were still buoyant with fun and laughter4 ,an extract from a letter to her youngest daughter1 who with her sister was on a visit at ,portland1 will give a glimpse of this gay mood4 ,such mishaps as she recounts are liable to occur in the best-regulated households1 especially on a change of servants2 but they were rare in her experience and so the more amused her3 ,i undertook to get up a nice dinner for ,dr4 and ,mrs4 ,v----1 about which ,i must now tell you4 ,first ,i was to have raw oysters on the shell4 ,blunder #ast1 small tea-plates laid for them4 ,ordered off1 and big ones laid4 ,blunder #b;d1 five oysters to be laid on each plate1 instead of which five were placed on platters at each end1 making ten in all for the whole party6 ,ordered a change to the original order4 ,result1 a terrific sound in the parlor of rushing feet and bombardment of oyster-shells4 ,dinner was announced from ,dr4 ,p41 who asked1 helplessly1 where he should place ,mrs4 ,v----4 ,blunder #dth by ,mrs4 ,p41 who remarked that she had got fifty pieces of shell in her mouth4 ,blunder #eth by ,dr4 ,p41 who failed to perceive that the boiled chickens were garnished with a stunning wine-jelly and regarding it as gizzards1 presented it only to the boys6 ,blunder #fth4 ,cranberry-jelly ordered4 ,cranberry as a dark1 inky fluid instead2 gazed upon suspiciously by the guests1 and tasted sparingly by the family4--,and now prepare for blunder ,no4 #g1 bearing in mind that it is the third course4 ,four prairie hens instead of two6 ,the effect on the ,rev4 ,mrs4 ,e4 ,prentiss was a resort to her handkerchief1 and suppression of tears on finding none in her pocket4 ,blunder #hth4 ,iauch's biscuit glac stuffed with hideous orange-peel4 ,delight #ast1 delicious dessert of farina smothered in custard and dear to the heart of ,dr4 ,v----4 ,blunder #ith4 ,no hot milk for the coffee1 delay in scalding it1 and at last serving it in a huge cracked pitcher4 ,blunder #ajth4 ,bananas1 grapes1 apples1 and oranges forgotten at the right moment and passed after the coffee and of course declined4 ,but hearing that ,miss ,h4 ,v4 was fond of bananas1 ,i seized the fruit-basket and poured its contents into one napkin1 and a lot of chocolate-cake into another1 and sent them to the young princesses in the parsonage1 who are1 no doubt1 dying of indigestion1 this morning4 ,give my love to ,c4 and ,f41 and a judicious portion to the old birds4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,oct4 #ai1ahgc4 ,i am sorry that we played hide-and-go-seek with each other when you were in town4 ,i have seen all my most intimate friends since ,i came home2 ,i mean all who live here4 ,there are just eight of them1 but they fill my heart so that ,i should have said1 at a guess1 there were eighty6 ,try the experiment on yourself and tell me how many such friends you have4 ,it is very curious4 ,i have just got hold of some leaves of a journal rescued from the flames by my 7future7 husband1 written at the age of #bb1 in which ,i describe myself as one great long sunbeam4 ,it recalled the sweet life in ,christ ,i was then leading1 and made me feel that if ,i had got so far on as a girl1 ,i ought to be infinitely farther on as a woman4 ,still1 in spite of all shame and regrets1 ,i had a long list of mercies to recount at the communion-table to-day4 ,among other things ,i feel that ,i know and love you better than heretofore1 and it is pleasant to love4 ,i must not forget to answer your little niece's questions4 ,i remember her father's calling with your sister1 but ,i don't remember any little girl as being with them1 much less kissing her because she liked the ,susy books4 ,as to writing more about ,robbie1 ,i can't do that till ,i get to heaven1 where he has been ever so many years4 ,give my love to the wee maiden1 and tell her ,i should love to kiss her4 ,no trait in ,mrs4 ,prentiss was more striking than her sympathy with young people1 especially with young girls1 and her desire to be religiously helpful to them4 ,but her interest in them was not confined to the spiritual life4 ,she delighted to join them in their harmless amusements1 and to take her part in their playful contests1 whether of wit or knowledge4 ,her friend1 ,miss ,morse1 thus recalls this feature of her character3 ,in ,mrs4 ,prentiss' life the wise man's saying1 ,a merry heart doeth good like a medicine1 was beautifully exemplified4 ,yet few were thoroughly acquainted with this phase of her character4 ,those who knew her only through her books1 or her letters of ,christian sympathy and counsel--many even who came into near and tender personal relations to her--failed to see the frolicsome side of her nature which made her an eager participant in the fun of young people--in a merry group of girls the merriest girl among them4 ,in contests where playful rhymes were to be composed at command1 on a moment's notice1 she sharpened the wits of her companions by her own zest1 but in most cases herself bore off the palm4 ,she always entered into such contests with an unmistakable desire to win4 ,i remember one evening in her own home in ,dorset1 when four of us were engaged in a game of verbarium1 two against two--the opposite party were gaining rapidly4 ,she suddenly turned to her partner with a comical air of chagrin and exclaimed3 ,why is it they are winning the game8 ,you and ,i are a great deal brighter than they6 ,the first time ,i ever saw ,mrs4 ,prentiss was through an invitation to her home to meet about half a dozen young persons of my own age4 ,she was in one of her merriest moods4 ,games of wit were played and she took part with genuine interest4 ,she at once impressed me with the feeling that she was one of us1 and that this arose from no effort to be sympathetic1 but was simply part of her nature4 ,this brightness wonderfully attracted young people to her1 and gave her an influence with them that she could not otherwise have exercised4 ,she recognised it in herself as a power1 and used it1 as she did all her powers1 for the service of her ,master4 ,young ,christians1 seeing that her deeply religious life did not interfere with her keen enjoyment of all innocent pleasures1 realised that there need be no gloominess for them1 either1 in a life consecrated to ,god4 ,just as her line of thought would often lie absorbingly in some one direction for quite a period of time1 so her fun ran in streaks1 as she would have been likely to express it4 ,one winter she amused herself and her friends by a great number of charades and enigmas1 many of which ,i copied and still possess4 ,they were dashed off with an ease and rapidity quite remarkable4 ,and ,i believe the same thing was true of most of her books4 ,i have watched her when she was writing some funny piece of rhyme1 and as her pen literally flew over the paper1 ,i could hardly believe that she was actually composing as she wrote4 ,one day two young girls were translating one of ,heine's shorter poems4 ,they had agreed to send their several versions to an absent friend1 who on his part was to return his own to them4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss entered heartily into the plan and in an hour had written as many as a dozen translations1 all in ,english rhyme and differing entirely one from the other4 ,the stimulating effect on the genius of her companions was such that over thirty translations were produced in that one afternoon4 ,in thinking of the ease with which ,mrs4 ,prentiss would suddenly turn from grave to gay and the reverse1 ,i often recall her answer when ,i one day remarked on this trait in her4 ,yes1 ,i have in me two very different natures4 ,did you ever hear the story of the dog1 who by an accident was cut in two1 and was joined together by a wonderful healing salve8 ,unfortunately1 the pieces were not put together properly1 so two of his legs stood up in the air4 ,at first his master thought it a great misfortune1 but he found that the dog1 when a little accustomed to his strange new form1 would run until tired on two legs1 and then by turning himself over he would have a fresh unused pair to start with1 and so he did double duty6 ,i am like that dog4 ,when ,i am tired of running on one nature1 ,i can turn over and run on the other1 and it rests me4 #d ,i want to spend a few minutes of this my birthday in talking with you in reply to your letter4 ,to a ,christian ,friend1 ,new ,york1 ,oct4 #bf1 #ahgc4 ,i want to tell you how ,i love you1 because you learn your lessons so easily1 and how thankful ,i am that in your great trials and afflictions you have been enabled to glorify ,god4 ,how small trouble is when set over against that6 ,is not ,christ enough for a human soul8 ,does it really need anything else for its happiness8 ,you will remember that when ,madame ,guyon was not only homeless1 but deprived of her liberty1 she was perfectly happy4 ,a little bird am ,i4 #e ,it seems to me that when ,god takes away our earthly joys and props1 ,he gives ,himself most generously2 and is there any joy on earth to be compared for a moment with such a gift8444 ,my husband has just come in and described the scene at ,mrs4 ,de ,witt's funeral1 #f when her husband said1 ,good-bye1 dear wife1 you have been my greatest blessing next to ,christ2 and he added1 and that ,i can say of you4 ,this was very sweet to me1 for ,i have faults of manner that often annoy him--,i am so vehement1 so positive1 and lay down the law so6 ,but ,i believe the grace of ,god can cure faults of all sorts1 be they deep-seated or external4 ,and ,i ought to be one of the best women in the world1 if ,i am good in proportion to the gifts with which ,i am overwhelmed4 ,i count it not the least of your and my mercies1 that we have been permitted to add four little children to the happy company above4 ,no wonder you miss your darling boy1 but ,i am sure you would not call him back4 ,have you any choice religious verses not in any book1 that you would like to put into one ,i am going to get up8 ,to the ,same1 ,nov4 #abth4 ,i want you and your mother to know what ,i am now busy about1 hoping it may set you to praying over it4 ,when ,i asked you for bits of poetry1 ,i meant pieces gleaned from time to time from newspapers4 ,my plan was to make a compilation1 interspersing verses of my own anonymously4 ,but ,mr4 ,randolph has convinced me that it is my duty and privilege to have the little book all original1 and to appear as mine2 and in unexpected ways my will about it has been broken1 and ,i have ceased from all morbid shyness about it1 and am only too thankful that ,god is willing thus to use me for ,his own glory4 ,of course1 ,i shall meet with a good deal of misapprehension and disgust from some quarters1 but not from you or yours4 ,it is a comfort1 on the other hand1 to think of once more ministering to longing or afflicted souls1 as ,i hope to do in these lines1 written for no human eye4 ,you say ,jesus is pained when ,his dear ones suffer4 ,i hardly think that can be4 ,tender sympathy ,he no doubt feels1 but not pain4 ,if ,he did1 ,he would be miserable all the time1 the world is so full of misery4 ,when ,i look back over my own life1 the precious times were generally seasons of great suffering2 so much so1 that the idea of discipline has become a hobby4 ,but one can only learn all this by experience4 ,mrs4 ---- says she never sings the verse containing ,e'en though it be a cross that raiseth me1 and that little children never talk in that way to their mothers1 and1 therefore1 we ought not to talk so to ,god6 ,i did not argue with her about it1 but ,i felt thankful that ,i could sing and say that line very earnestly1 and had been taught to do so by the ,spirit of ,god4 ,to a ,friend in ,texas1 ,new ,york1 ,dec4 #a1 #ahgc4 ,i am glad you like ,faber better on a closer acquaintance4 ,he certainly has said some wonderful things among many weak and foolish ones4 ,what you quote from him about thanksgiving is very true4 ,our gratitude bears no sort of comparison with our petitions or our sighs and groans4 ,it is contemptible in us to be such thankless beggars4 ,as to domestic cares1 you know ,mrs4 ,stowe has written a beautiful little tract on this subject--,earthly ,care a ,heavenly ,discipline4 ,god never places us in any position in which we can not grow4 ,we may fancy that ,he does4 ,we may fear we are so impeded by fretting1 petty cares that we are gaining nothing2 but when we are not sending any branches upward1 we may be sending roots downward4 ,perhaps in the time of our humiliation1 when everything seems a failure1 we are making the best kind of progress4 ,god delights to try our faith by the conditions in which ,he places us4 ,a plant set in the shade shows where its heart is by turning towards the sun1 even when unable to reach it4 ,we have so much to distract us in this world that we do not realise how truly and deeply1 if not always warmly and consciously1 we love ,christ4 ,but ,i believe that this love is the strongest principle in every regenerate soul4 ,it may slumber for a time1 it may falter1 it may freeze nearly to death2 but sooner or later it will declare itself as the ruling passion4 ,you should regard all your discontent with yourself as negative devotion1 for that it really is4 ,madame ,guyon said boldly1 but truly1 ,o mon ,dieu1 plutot pecheur que superbe1 and that is the consoling word ,i feel like sending you to-day4 ,i know all about these little domestic foxes that spoil the vines1 and sympathise with you in yours4 ,but if some other trial would serve ,god's purpose1 ,he would substitute it4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,new ,york1 ,dec4 #c1 #ahgc4 ,i was interested in what you wrote about ,miss ,g4 and of ,dr4 ,c4's meeting4 ,you say she spends her time in young works of benevolence4 ,this shows that her piety is of the genuine sort4 ,it is hard to have faith in mere talk4 ,it is a great mystery to me1 that1 while we meet with negative faults in ordinary prayer-meetings1 we find so many positive faults in more earnest ones4 ,perhaps there is less of self in those who conduct them than we imagine4 ,i always regret to see talk to each other supplant address to ,god in such meetings--always4 ,as to ,miss ---- and others making a creed as you say out of their experience1 ,i think it may be accounted for in this way3 ,they come suddenly into possession of thoughts and emotions to which others are led gradually2 they are startled and overwhelmed by the novelty of the revelations1 and at once form a theory on the subject2 and1 having formed the theory1 they fall to so interpreting the ,bible as to support it4 ,those who reach the point they have reached more slowly are not startled1 and do not need to form theories or seek for unscriptural expressions with which to declare what they have learned4 ,they are probably less self-conscious1 because they have not been aiming to enter any school formed by man1 but have been simply following after ,christ2 hardly knowing what they expect will be the result1 but getting a great deal of sweet peace on the way4 ,and they also acquire1 gradually1 a certain kind of heaven-taught wisdom1 whose access comes not with observation2 blessed truths revealed by the ,holy ,spirit1 full of strength and consolation4 ,at any rate1 this is as far as ,i have come to2 there may be oceans of knowledge ,i have yet to acquire1 which will modify or wholly change my range of thought4 ,and1 according to what light ,i have1 ,i am inclined to advise you not to confuse yourself with trying to believe in or experience this or that because others do1 but to get as close to ,christ as you can every day of your life2 feeling sure that if you do1 ,he by ,his ,spirit will teach you all you need to know4 ,there has been to my mind1 during the last few weeks1 something awe-inspiring in the sense ,i have had of the way in which ,god instructs ,his ignorant1 forgetful1 stupid children4 ,such goodness1 such patience1 such love6 ,and1 on the other hand1 our amazing coldness and ingratitude4 ,to ,mrs4 ,smith1 ,new ,york1 ,dec4 #ba1 #ahgc4 ,i wanted to see you before you left1 but it would have been cruel to add to the cares and distractions amid which you were hurrying off4 #g 444 ,i am reading1 with great interest1 the letters of ,sara ,coleridge4 ,what strikes me most in her is1 that knowing so much of her1 one still feels what lots there is more to her one does not know4 #bb;d4--,strangely enough1 in writing you last evening1 ,i forgot to tell you how much prayer is being offered for you and your husband1 and what intense sympathy is expressed4 ,dr4 ,vincent said he could not bear to hear another word about his sufferings4 ,mrs4 ,l---- said1 ,i do love that man4 ,mrs4 ,d41 herself all knotted up with rheumatism1 would hardly speak of herself when she heard he was so ill2 and this is only a specimen of the deep feeling expressed on all sides4444 ,i am glad you find anything to like in my poor little book4 ,i hear very little about it1 but its publication has brought a blessing to my soul1 which shows that ,i did right in thus making known my testimony for ,christ4 ,my will in the matter was quite overturned4 ,the poor little book appeared under the title of ,religious ,poems1 afterwards changed to ,golden ,hours2 ,hymns and ,songs of the ,christian ,life4 ,in a letter of ,mrs4 ,prentiss to a friend1 written in #ahgj1 occurs this passage3 ,most of my verses are too much my own personal experience to be put in print now4 ,after ,i am dead ,i hope they may serve as language for some other hearts4 ,after ,i am dead6 ,that means1 oh ravishing thought6 that ,i shall be in heaven one day4 ,until the fall of #ahgc her husband and two or three friends only knew of the existence of these verses1 and their publication had not crossed her mind4 ,but shortly after her return from ,dorset she was persuaded to let ,mr4 ,randolph read them4 ,she soon received from him the following letter3 ,the poems must be printed1 and at once6 ,we--that is1 the firm living at ,yonkers--read aloud all the pieces1 except those in the book1 at one sitting1 and would have gone on to the end but that the eyes gave out4 ,out of the lot three or four pieces were laid aside as not up to the standard of the others4 ,the female member of the firm said that ,mrs4 ,prentiss would do a wrong if she withheld the poems from the public4 ,this member said he should give up writing1 or trying to write1 religious verses4 ,i am not joking4 ,the book must be printed4 ,we were charmed with the poems4 ,some of them have all the quaintness of ,herbert1 some the simple subjective fervor of the ,german hymns1 and some the glow of ,wesley4 ,they are1 as ,mrs4 ,r4 said1 out of the beaten way1 and all true4 ,so they differ from the conventional poetry4 ,if published1 there may be here and there some sentimental soul1 or some soul without sentiment1 or some critic who doats on ,robt4 ,browning and don't understand him1 or on ,morris1 or ,rossetti1 because they are high artists1 who may snub the book4 ,very well2 for compensation you will have the fact that the poems will win for you a living place in the hearts of thousands--in a sanctuary where few are permitted to enter4 ,a day or two later ,mr4 ,randolph wrote in reply to her misgivings3 ,if ,i had the slightest thought that you would make even a slight mistake in publishing1 ,i would say so4 ,as ,i have already said1 ,i am sure that the book would prove a blessing in ten thousand ways1 and at the same time add to your reputation as a writer4 ,she could not resist this appeal4 ,the assurance that the verses would prove a blessing to many souls disarmed her scruples and she consented to their publication4 ,the most of them1 unfortunately1 bore no date4 ,but all1 or nearly all of them1 belong to the previous twenty years1 and they depict some of the deepest experiences of her ,christian life during that period2 they are her tears of joy or of sorrow1 her cries of anguish1 and her songs of love and triumph4 ,some of them were hastily written in pencil1 upon torn scraps of paper1 as if she were on a journey4 ,were they all accompanied with the exact time and circumstances of their composition1 they would form1 in connection with others unpublished1 her spiritual autobiography from the death of ,eddy and ,bessie1 in #aheb1 to the autumn of #ahgc4 #h ,as she anticipated1 the volume met in some quarters with anything but a cordial reception2 the criticisms upon it were curt and depreciatory4 ,its representation of the ,christian life was censured as gloomy and false4 ,it was even intimated that in her expressions of pain and sorrow1 there was more or less poetical affectation4 ,alluding to this in a letter to a friend1 she writes3 ,i have spoken of the deepest1 sorest pain2 not of trials1 but of sorrow1 not of discomfort1 but of suffering4 ,and all ,i have spoken of1 ,i have felt4 ,never could ,i have known ,christ1 had ,i not had large experience of ,him as a chastiser4444 ,you little know the long story of my life1 nor is it necessary that you should2 but you must take my word for it that if ,i do not know what suffering means1 there is not a soul on earth that does4 ,it has not been my habit to say much about this2 it has been a matter between myself and my ,god2 but the results ,i have told1 that ,he may be glorified and that others may be led to ,him as the ,fountain of life and of light4 ,i refer1 of course1 to the book of verses2 ,i never called them poems4 ,you may depend upon it the world is brimful of pain in some shape or other2 it is a hurt world4 ,but no ,christian should go about groaning and weeping2 though sorrowing1 he should be always rejoicing4 ,during twenty years of my life my kind and wise ,physician was preparing me1 by many bitter remedies1 for the work ,i was to do2 ,i can never thank or love ,him enough for ,his unflinching discipline4 ,even the favorable notices of the volume1 with two or three exceptions1 evinced little sympathy with its spirit1 or appreciation of its literary merits4 #i ,but while failing to make any public impression1 the little book soon found its way into thousands of closets and sick-rooms and houses of mourning1 carrying a blessing with it4 ,touching and grateful testimonies to this effect came from the ,east and the farthest ,west and from beyond the sea4 ,the following is an extract from1 a letter to ,mr4 ,randolph1 written by a lady of ,new ,york eminent for her social influence and ,christian character3 ,the book of heart-hymns is wonderful1 as ,i expected from the specimens which you read to me from the little scraps of paper from your desk4 ,do you know that ,i lived on them 7,the ,school and ,my ,expectation is from ,thee7 and was greedy to get the book that ,i might read them again and again4 ,and behold1 the volume is full of the things ,i have felt so often1 expressed as no one ever expressed them before4 ,i am overwhelmed every time ,i read it4 ,mr ---- and the children have quite laughed at ,mamma's enthusiasm over a book of poems1 as ,i am considered very prosaic4 ,i made ,c4 read two or three of them and he surrenders4 ,n4 too1 who is full of appreciation of poetry as well as of the best things1 is equally delighted4 ,i carried the volume to a sick friend and read to her out of it4 ,i wish you could have seen how she was comforted6 ,i do not know ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 but if you ever get a chance1 ,i would like you to tell her what she has done for me4 ,a highly cultivated ,swiss lady wrote from ,geneva3 ,what a precious1 precious book6 and what mercy in ,god to enable us to understand1 and say ,amen from the heart to every line6 ,it was ,he who caused you to send me a book ,i so much needed--and ,i thank ,him as much as you4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,incidents of the ,year #ahgd4 ,prayer4 ,starts a ,bible-,reading in ,dorset4 ,begins to take ,lessons in ,painting4 ,a ,letter from her ,teacher4 ,publication of ,urbane and his ,friends4 ,design of the ,work4 ,her views of the ,christian ,life4 ,the ,mystics4 ,the ,indwelling ,christ4 ,an ,allegory4 ,during the winter and early spring of #ahgd ,mrs4 ,prentiss found much delight in attending a weekly ,bible-reading1 held by ,miss ,susan ,warner4 ,she was deeply impressed with the advantages of such a mode of studying the ,word of ,god1 and in the course of the summer was led to start a similar exercise in ,dorset4 ,her letters will show how much satisfaction it gave her during all the rest of her life4 ,another incident1 that left its mark upon this year1 was the sudden and dangerous illness of her husband4 ,his life was barely saved by an immediate surgical operation4 ,he convalesced very slowly and it was many months before she recovered from the shock4 ,to a ,christian ,friend1 ,jan4 #be1 #ahgd4 ,i do not perfectly understand what you say about prayer1 but it reminds me of ,mrs4----'s expressing surprise at my praying4 ,she said she did not1 because ,christ was all round her4 ,but it is no less a fact that ,christ ,himself spent hours in prayer1 using language when ,he did so4 ,that does not prove1 however1 that ,he did not hold silent1 mystical communion with the ,father4 ,it seems to me that communion is one thing1 and intercessory prayer another2 my own prayers are chiefly of the latter class2 the sweet sense of communion of which ,i have had so much1 has been greatly wanting2 ,i dare not ask for it2 ,i must pray as the ,spirit gives me utterance4 ,no doubt your experience is beyond mine2 ,i can conceive of a silence that unites1 not separates1 as existing between ,christ and the soul4 ,as to her of whom we sadly spoke1 ,i am so absolutely lost in confusion of thought that ,i feel as if chart and compass had gone overboard4 ,i believe there can be falls from the highest state of grace1 and that sometimes a fall is the best thing that can happen to one2 but it is an appalling thought4 ,how wary all this should make you and me6444 ,though ,i have felt the greatest respect for ,miss ----1 ,i have often wondered why ,i did not love her more4 ,well1 we have a new reason for fleeing to ,christ in this perplexity and disappointment4 ,i had let her be in many things my oracle1 and perhaps no human being ought to be that4 ,shall we ever learn to put no confidence in the flesh8 ,my husband thinks ,miss ---- insane4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,jan #bg1 #ahgd4 ,the comfort ,i have had as the fruit of close acquaintance with a sick-room6 ,i see more and more how wise ,god was1 as well as how good1 in hiding me away during all the years that might have been very tempting1 had ,i had my freedom4 ,my publishing this book #aj was a sort of miracle2 ,i never meant to do it1 but my will was taken away and it was done in one short month4 ,i should not expect a girl as young as yourself to respond to much of it1 but ,i am glad you found anything to which you could4444 ,when ,i received my own great blessing thirty-five years ago1 ,i was younger than you are now1 and hadn't half the light you have1 nor did ,i know exactly what to aim at1 but blundered and suffered not a little4444 ,it seems to me that it is eminently fitting that we should go to the throne of grace together1 and expect1 in so doing1 a different kind of blessing from that sought alone1 in the closet4 ,i never feel any embarrassment in praying with those older and better than myself2 the better they are1 the less disposed they will be to look down upon me4 ,the truth is1 we are all alike in being poor and needy1 and it is a good thing to get together and confess this to our ,father1 in each other's hearing4 ,i can unite cordially with anyone1 man1 woman or child1 who really prays4 ,a very illiterate person could win my heart if ,i knew he truly loved the ,lord ,jesus1 no matter how clumsily he expressed that love2 and his prayers would edify me4 ,perhaps you can not look at this matter exactly as ,i do4 ,i know ,i suffered for years1 whenever ,i prayed with others1 old or young2 but ,i persevered in what ,i believed to be a duty1 until1 not so very long ago1 the duty became a pleasure1 all fear of man being taken away4 ,i never think anything about what sort of a prayer ,i make2 in fact ,i make no prayer2 we have to speak as the ,spirit gives us utterance4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,kauinfels1 #aa ,aug4 #af1 #ahgd4 ,yesterday ,miss ,h4 came down and asked me if ,i would start a ,bible-reading at her house4 ,i told her ,i would with pleasure4 ,this morning ,i decided to open with the ,sermon on the ,mount1 and have been studying the first promise4 ,do take your ,bible and study that verse by reading the references4 ,i am delighted that our dear ,lord has at last pointed out my mission to this village4 ,i have long prayed that ,he would open a way of access to hearts here4 ,pray next ,wednesday afternoon that ,i may be a witness for ,him4 ,there are a number of families boarding in town1 who will join the reading4 ,miss ,h4 wanted to give notice from the pulpit1 but ,i could not consent to that4444 ,you say your mother asks about my book4 ,it is a queer one1 and ,i am not satisfied with it2 but my husband is1 and thinks it will do good4 ,god grant it may4 ,i entitle it ,paths of ,peace2 or1 ,christian ,friends in ,council4 #ab ,after the most earnest prayer for light1 ,i can not preach sinless perfection4 ,i think ,god has provided a way to perfection1 and that that is1 looking unto ,jesus4 ,if the higher life means utter sinlessness then ,i shall have to own that ,i have never had any experience of it4 ,mr4 ,p4 has given me a world of anxiety4 ,he will go round everywhere1 even on jolting straw-rides2 his wound is nearly healed1 however4 ,he is looking the picture of health1 but feels uncomfortable and sleeps restlessly4 ,i went up to the tavern lately as a great piece of self-denial to call on a lady boarding there1 and found ,i had thus stumbled on to fine gold2 the gold you and ,i love4 ,she is the wife of the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,r41 of ,flushing4 ,soon after returning to town she began to take lessons in oil painting4 ,her teacher was ,mrs4 ,julia ,h4 ,beers--now ,mrs4 ,kempson--a lady gifted with much of the artistic power belonging to her distinguished brothers1 ,william and ,james ,m4 ,hart4 ,in this new pursuit ,mrs4 ,prentiss passed many very busy and happy hours4 ,the following letter to her husband gives ,mrs4 ,kempson's recollections of them3 ,,firtree ,,cottage1 ,,metuchen1 ,jan4 #bg1 #ahhj4 ,my dear ,dr4 ,prentiss3--,when the news came of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' death ,i felt that ,i had lost a friend whose place could not be filled4 ,i never had a pupil in whom ,i was so much interested1 or one that ,i loved so dearly4 ,she has told me many times that the days spent with me were red-letter days in her life4 ,they certainly were in my own4 ,i shall never forget her first visit to my studio on the corner of ,fifth avenue and ,twenty-sixth street4 ,we had not met before1 and ,i felt somewhat awed in the presence of an authoress4 ,but in a few minutes we were fast friends4 ,taking one of my portfolios in her arms she asked1 ,may ,i sit down on the floor and take this in my lap8 ,of course ,i assented4 ,she pored over the contents with the delight of a child4 ,then turning to me she said1 ,this is what ,i have had a craving for all my life4 ,there has always been a want unsupplied2 ,i knew not what it was2 but now ,i know4 ,it was a reaching out for the beautiful4 ,look at my white hair and tell me if it would be possible for me to learn4 ,i replied1 ,yes1 if you desire to do so4 ,will you take me for a pupil8 she asked4 ,i do not know which end of the brush to use4 ,no matter1 ,i said2 ,i can teach you4 ,she became my pupil and you know the result4 ,but you can not know1 as ,i do1 the delight she took in her studies4 ,my ordinary pupils were limited to two hours4 ,but ,i said to her1 ,come at ten and stay as long as you please4 ,punctual to the moment she came1 seated herself at her easel1 and rarely left it while the light lasted4 ,i never saw such enthusiasm or such appreciation4 ,at first her progress was slow1 but as she gained knowledge of the materials1 it became very rapid4 ,in my opinion she had remarkable talent1 and1 if spared1 might even have made herself a name as an artist4 ,i have had hundreds of pupils1 but not one of them ever made such progress4 ,what a delight it was to teach her6 ,all her quaint sayings and her beautifully expressed thoughts ,i treasured up as precious things4 ,she always brought brightness to the studio with her4 ,i can see her so plainly this moment as she came in one morning4 ,well1 she said1 ,i thought when ,i commenced painting if ever ,i painted a daisy that did not need to be labeled1 ,i should be proud1 and ,i have done it4 ,i wish1 dear ,dr4 ,prentiss1 ,i could recall the thousand and one pleasant things that every now and then have occurred to me1 while ,i was thinking of her4 ,i tried to write to you when ,i heard of your great loss1 but my heart failed me4 ,i could not1 nor can ,i1 imagine you living without her4 ,in her last letter to me she says1 speaking of my daughter's marriage3 ,i hope thirty years hence the twain will be as much in love with each other as two old codgers of my acquaintance1 who go on talking heavenly nonsense to each other after the most approved fashion4 ,how little ,i then dreamed that we should never meet again6 ,i should much like to see you all4 ,i have not forgotten that pleasant summer at ,dorset in #ahge1 nor the great pan of blackberries you picked for me with your own hands4 ,with kindest regards1 very sincerely1 ,,julia ,h4 ,,kempson4 ,to ,mrs4 ,humphrey1 ,new ,york1 ,dec4 #ahgd4 ,after learning how to manage a ,bible-reading by attending ,miss ,warner's once a week for four or five months1 ,i got my tongue so loosed that ,i have held one by request at ,dorset4 ,the interest in it did not flag all summer1 and ladies1 young and old1 came from all directions1 not only to the readings1 but with tears to open their hearts to me4 ,some hitherto worldly ones were among the number4 ,i have also helped to start one at ,elizabeth1 another at ,orange1 another at ,flushing4 ,my husband says if one were held in every church in the land the country would be revolutionised4 ,it is just such work as you would delight in4 ,do forgive the blots2 ,i am tearing away on this letter so that ,i forget myself and dip up too much ink4 ,i have been urged to hold three readings a week in different parts of the city1 but that is not possible4 ,you can't imagine how thankful ,i am that ,i have at last found a sphere of usefulness in ,dorset4 ,we had a great shock last spring when ,mr4 ,prentiss was stricken down2 ,i do not dare to think how hard it would have been to become husbandless and homeless at one blow4 ,but ,i well know that no earthly circumstances need really destroy our happiness in that which is1 after all1 our ,life4 ,even if it is only for the few years before our boys leave home1 never to return permanently to it1 ,i shall be thankful to have it left as it is--if that is best4 ,if ,i had not known what my husband's trouble was1 and summoned aid in the twinkling of an eye1 ,dr4 ,buck says he would have died4 ,he would certainly have died if he had been at ,dorset4 ,he has never recovered his strength1 but is able to give his lectures4 ,although ,i did very little nursing1 ,i got a good deal run down1 especially from losing sleep1 and have had to go to bed at half-past eight or nine all summer and thus far in the winter4 ,i am taking lessons this winter in oil-painting with ,a4 ,she has the advantage of me in having had lessons in drawing1 while ,i have had none4 ,my teacher says she never had a beginner do better than ,i1 so ,i think beginners very awkward mortals1 who get paint all over their clothes1 hands and faces1 and who1 if they get a pretty picture1 know in the secrecy of their guilty consciences it was done by a compassionate artist who would fain persuade one into the fancy that the work was one's own4 ,what you say about my having done you good surprises me4 ,whatever treasure ,god has in me is hidden in an earthen vessel and unseen by my own eyes4444 ,i feel every day how much there is to learn1 how much to unlearn1 and that no genuine experience is to be despised4 ,some people roundly berate ,christians for want of faith in ,god's word1 when it is want of faith in their own private interpretation of ,his word4 ,i think that when the very best and wisest of mankind get to heaven1 they'll get a standard of holiness that might make them blush2 only it is not likely they will blush4 ,in the latter part of this year ,urbane and ,his ,friends appeared4 ,urbane is an aged pastor and his ,friends are members of his flock1 whom he had invited to meet him from week to week for ,christian counsel and fellowship4 ,some of their names1 ,antiochus1 ,hermes1 ,junia1 ,claudia1 ,apelles and the like1 sound rather strange1 but1 together with those more familiar1 they are all borrowed from the ,new ,testament4 ,urbane and ,his ,friends is the only book of a didactic sort written by ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,it is not1 however1 wholly didactic1 but contains also touches of narrative and character that add to its interest4 ,among the topics discussed are3 ,the ,bible1 ,temptation1 ,faith1 ,prayer1 the ,mystics1 ,the ,higher ,christian ,life1 ,service1 ,pain and ,sorrow1 ,peace and ,joy1 and the ,indwelling ,christ4 ,she was dissatisfied with the work and required some persuasion before she would consent to its being published4 ,but its spiritual tone1 its tenderness1 its sweet reasonableness1 and the bright little pictures of ,christian truth and life1 which enliven its pages1 have led some to prize it more than any other of her writings4 ,and here it may not be out of place to insert the following letter of her husband1 written several months after her death4 ,it gives her matured views on certain points relating to the ,christian life1 about which there has been no little difference of opinion3 ,,new ,,york1 ,april #af1 #ahgi4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friend3--,many thanks for your kind words about ,urbane and ,his ,friends4 ,so far at least as the aim and spirit of the book are concerned1 no praise could exceed its merits4 ,it was written with a single desire to honor ,christ by aiding and cheering some of ,his disciples on their way heavenward4 ,at that time1 as you know1 there was a good deal of discussion about the ,higher ,christian ,life and ,holiness through ,faith4 ,she herself had felt some of the difficulties connected with the subject1 and was anxious to reach out a helping hand to others similarly perplexed4 ,i do not think her mind was specially adapted to the didactic style1 nor was it much to her taste4 ,when writing in that style her pen did not seem to be entirely at ease1 or to move quite at its own sweet will4 ,careful statement and nice theological distinctions were not her forte4 ,and yet her mental grasp of ,christian doctrine in its vital substance was very firm1 and her power of observing1 as well as depicting1 the most delicate and varying phenomena of the spiritual life was like an instinct4 ,a purer or more whole-hearted love of the truth as it is in ,jesus1 ,i never witnessed in any human being4 ,at the same time she was very modest and distrustful of her own judgment when opposed to that of others whom she regarded as experienced ,christians4 ,i wish you could enjoy a tithe of the happiness that was mine during the winter and spring of #ahgc-d1 as1 evening after evening1 she talked over with me the various points discussed in her book1 and then read to me what she had written4 ,those were golden hours indeed--hours in which was fulfilled the saying that is written--,and it came to pass that while they communed together and reasoned1 ,jesus ,himself drew near4 ,as ,i look back to the ,sabbath evenings passed with her in such converse1 they seem to me radiant still with the glory of the risen ,christ4 ,nor am ,i able to imagine what else than ,his presence could have rendered them1 at the time1 so soothing and blissful4 ,you refer to her fondness for the mystics4 ,she thought that ,christian piety owes a large debt of gratitude to such writers as ,thomas ,kempis1 ,madame ,guyon1 ,fenelon1 ,leighton1 ,tersteegen1 and others like them in earlier and later times1 to whom the secret of the ,lord seemed in a peculiar manner to have been revealed1 and who with seraphic zeal trod as well as taught the paths of peace and holiness4 ,while she was writing the chapter on the ,mystics1 ,i showed her ,coleridge's tribute to them in his ,biographia ,literaria1 which greatly pleased her4 ,it is her own experience that she puts into the mouth of ,urbane1 where he says1 after quoting ,coleridge's tribute1 ,i have no recollection of ever reading this passage till today1 but had toiled out its truth for myself1 and now set my hand and seal to it4 #ac ,it is for her1 too1 as well as for himself1 that ,urbane speaks1 where1 in answer to ,hermes' question1 ,who are the ,mystics8 he says3 ,they are the men and women known to every age of the ,church1 who usually make their way through the world completely misunderstood by their fellow-men4 ,their very virtues sometimes appear to be vices4 ,they are often the scorn and contempt of their time1 and are even persecuted and thrown into prison by those who think they thus do our ,lord service4 ,but now and then one arises who sees1 or thinks he sees1 some clue to their lives and their speech4 ,though not of them1 he feels a mysterious kinship to them that makes him shrink with pain when he hears them spoken of unjustly4 ,now1 ,i happen to be such a man4 ,i have not built up any pet theory that ,i want to sustain2 ,i am not in any way bound to fight for any school2 but ,i should be most ungrateful to ,god and man if ,i did not acknowledge that ,i owe much of the sum and substance of the best part of my life to mystical writers--aye1 and mystical thinkers1 whom ,i know in the flesh4444 ,i use ,christ as a magnet1 and say to all who cleave to ,him--even when ,i can not perfectly agree with them on every point of doctrine3 ,you love ,christ1 therefore ,i love you4 ,closely allied to her fondness for the ,mystics was her delight in the doctrine of the indwelling ,christ4 ,for more than thirty years it was a favorite subject of our ,sunday and week-day talk4 ,the closing chapters of the ,gospel of ,john1 the ,epistle to the ,ephesians1 and other parts of the ,new ,testament1 in which this most precious truth is enshrined1 were especially dear to her4 ,so too1 and for the same reason1 was ,lavater's hymn beginning1 ,o ,jesus ,christus1 wachs in mir-- a hymn with which we became acquainted soon after our marriage1 and which ,i do not doubt she repeated to herself many thousands of times4 #ad ,the surest way1 as she thought1 of rising above the bondage of frames and entering into the glorious liberty of the sons of ,god1 is to become fully conscious of our actual union to ,christ and of what is involved in this thrice-sacred union4 ,it is not enough that we trust in ,him as our ,saviour and the ,lord our ,righteousness2 ,he must also dwell in our hearts by faith as our spiritual life4 ,the union is indeed mystical and indescribable1 but none the less real or less joy-inspiring for all that4 ,we want no metaphor and no mere abstraction in our souls2 we want ,christ ,himself4 ,we want to be able to say in sublime contradiction1 ,i live1 yet not ,i1 but ,christ liveth in me4 ,and this1 too1 is the way of sanctification1 as well as of rest of conscience4 ,for just in proportion as ,christ lives in the soul1 self goes out and with it sin4 ,just in proportion as self goes out1 ,christ comes in1 and with ,him righteousness1 peace1 and joy in the ,holy ,ghost4 ,but as1 in her view1 the doctrine of an indwelling ,christ did not supplant the doctrine of an atoning and interceding ,christ1 so neither did it supplant that of ,christ as our ,example or annul the great law of self-sacrifice by which1 following in ,his steps1 we also are to be made perfect through suffering4 ,such is a brief outline of her teaching on this subject in ,urbane and ,his ,friends4 ,and from its publication until her death1 her theory of the way of holiness reduced itself more and more to these two simple points3 ,christ in the flesh showing and teaching us how to live1 and ,christ in the ,spirit living in us4 ,and this presence of ,christ in the soul she regarded1 ,i repeat1 as an actual1 as well as actuating1 presence2 mediated indeed1 like ,his sacrifice upon the cross1 by the ,holy ,ghost4 ,but1 as through the ,eternal ,spirit ,he offered ,,himself without spot unto ,god1 even so in and through the same ,eternal ,spirit1 ,he ,,himself comes and takes up ,his abode in the hearts of ,his faithful disciples4 ,his indwelling is not a mere metaphor1 not a bare moral relation1 but the most blessed reality--a veritable union of life and love4 ,she thought that much of the meaning and comfort of the doctrine was sometimes lost by not keeping this point in mind4 ,in a letter written not long before her death1 she reiterated very strongly her conviction on this subject1 appealing to our ,lord's teaching in the seventeenth chapter of ,john4 #ae ,and this brings me to what you say about the chapter entitled ,the ,mystics of ,to-day2 or1 ,the ,higher ,christian ,life1 and to your inquiry as to her later views on the question4 ,you are quite right in supposing that while writing this chapter she had a good deal of sympathy with some of the advocates of the ,higher ,life doctrine4 ,she heartily agreed with them in believing that it is the privilege of ,christ's disciples to rise to a much higher state of holy love1 assurance1 and rest of soul than the most of them seem ever to reach in this world2 and further1 that such a spiritual uplifting may come1 and sometimes does come1 in the way of a sudden and extraordinary experience4 ,but it is never without a history4 ,she gives a beautiful picture of such an experience in the case of ,stephanas1 who was as gay as any boy1 and then adds3 ,now1 the descent of the blessing was sudden and lifted him at once into a new world1 but the preparation for it had been going on ever since he learned to pray4 ,but while agreeing with the advocates of the ,higher ,life doctrine in some points1 she was far from agreeing with them in all4 ,and her disagreement increased and grew more decided in her later years4 ,the subject is often alluded to in her letters to ,christian friends2 and should these letters ever be published1 they will answer your inquiry much better than ,i can do4 ,the points in the ,higher ,life and ,holiness through ,faith views which she most strongly dissented from1 related to the question of perfection4 ,the ,christian life--this was her view--is subject to the great law of growth4 ,it is a process1 an education1 and not a mere volition1 or series of volitions4 ,its progress may be rapid1 but1 ideally considered1 each new stage is conditioned by the one that went before3 first the blade1 then the ear1 after that the full corn in the ear4 ,it embraces the whole spirit and soul and body2 and its perfect development1 therefore1 is a very comprehensive thing1 touching the length and breadth1 the depth and height of our entire being4 ,it is also1 in its very nature1 conflict as well as growth2 the forces of evil must be vanquished1 and these forces1 whether acting through body1 soul1 or spirit1 are very subtle1 treacherous1 and often occult1 as well as very potent2 the best man on earth1 if left to himself1 would fall a prey to them4 ,no fact of religious experience is more striking than this1 that the higher men rise in real goodness--the nearer they come to ,god1 the more keen-eyed and distressed are they to detect evil in themselves4 ,their sense of sin seems to be in a sort of inverse ratio to their freedom from its power4 ,and we meet with a similar fact in the natural life4 ,the finer and more exalted the sentiment of purity and honor1 the more sensitive will one be to the slightest approach to what is impure or dishonorable in one's own character and conduct4 ,such is substantially her ground of dissent from the ,higher ,life theory4 ,her own sense of sin was so profound and vivid that she shuddered at the thought of claiming perfection for herself2 and it seemed to her a very sad delusion for anybody else to claim it4 ,true holiness is never self-conscious2 it does not look at itself in the glass2 and if it did1 it would see only ,christ1 not itself1 reflected there4 ,this was her way of looking at the subject2 and she came to regard all theories1 still more all professions1 of entire sanctification as fallacious and full of peril--not a help1 but a serious hindrance to real ,christian holiness4 ,for several years she not only read but carefully studied the most noted writers who advocated the ,higher ,life and ,holiness through ,faith doctrines1 and her testimony was that they had done her harm4 ,i find myself spiritually injured by them1 she wrote to a friend less than two years before her death4 ,how do you explain the fact1 she added1 that truly good people are left to produce such an effect8 ,is it not to shut us up to ,christ8 ,what a relief it will be to get beyond our own weaknesses1 and those of others6 ,i long for that day4 ,i have just alluded to her deep1 vivid consciousness of sin4 ,it would have been an intolerable burden1 had not her feeling of ,god's infinite grace and love in ,christ been still more vivid and profound4 ,the little allegory in the ninth chapter of ,urbane and ,his ,friends expresses very happily this feeling4 ,there are several other points in her theory of the ,christian life1 to which she attached much importance4 ,one is the close connexion between suffering in some form and holiness1 or growth in grace4 ,the cross the way to the crown--this thought runs1 like a golden thread1 through all the records of her religious history4 ,she expressed it while a little girl1 as she sat one day with a young friend on a tombstone in the old burying-ground at ,portland4 ,it occurs again and again in her early letters2 in one written in #ahdj she says3 ,i thought to myself that if ,god continued ,his faithfulness towards me1 ,i shall have afflictions such as ,i now know nothing more of than the name2 in another written four years later1 in the midst of the sweetest joy3 ,i know there are some of the great lessons of life yet to be learned2 ,i believe ,i must suffer as long as ,i have an earthly existence4 ,and in after years1 when it formed so large an element in her own experience1 she came to regard suffering1 when sanctified by the word of ,god and by prayer1 as the ,king's highway to ,christian perfection4 ,this point is often referred to and illustrated in her various writings--more especially in ,stepping ,heavenward and ,golden ,hours4 ,possibly she carried her theory a little too far2 perhaps it does not appear to be always verified in actual ,christian experience2 but1 certainly1 no one can deny that it is in harmony with the general teaching of inspired ,scripture and with the spirit of catholic piety in all ages4 #af ,another point1 which also found illustration in her books1 is the vital connexion between the habit of devout communion with ,god in ,christ and all the daily virtues and charities of religion2 another still is the close affinity between depth in piety and the highest1 sweetest enjoyment of earthly good4 ,her own ,christian life was to me a study from the beginning4 ,it had heights and depths of its own1 which awed me and which ,i could not fully penetrate4 ,jonathan ,edwards' exquisite description of ,sarah ,pierrepont at the age of thirteen1 ,mrs4 ,edwards' own account of her religious exercises after her marriage1 and ,goethe's ,confessions of a ,beautiful ,soul1 always reminded me of some of its characteristic features4 ,if my pastoral ministrations gave any aid and comfort to other souls1 ,i can truly say it was all largely due to her4 ,and as for myself1 my debt of gratitude to her as a spiritual helper and friend in ,christ was1 and is1 and ever will be1 unspeakable4 ,the instant ,i began to know her1 ,i began to feel the cheering influence and uplifting power of her faith4 ,for more than a third of a century it was the most constant and by far the strongest human force that wrought in my religious life4 ,nor was it a human force alone2 for surely faith like hers is in real contact with ,christ ,himself and is an inspiration of ,his ,spirit4 ,she longed so to live and move and have her being in love to ,christ1 that nobody could come near her without being straightway reminded of ,him4 ,she seemed to be always saying to herself1 in the words of an old ,irish hymn3 #ag ,christ with me1 ,christ before me1 ,christ behind me1 ,christ within me1 ,christ beneath me1 ,christ above me1 ,christ at my right1 ,christ at my left1 ,christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me1 ,christ in the mouth of every man who speaks to me1 ,christ in every eye that sees me1 ,christ in every ear that hears me4 ,such was her constant prayer2 and it was answered in the experience of many souls1 whose faith was kindled into a brighter flame by the intense ardor of hers4 ,so long and so closely1 in my own mind1 was she associated with ,christ1 that the thought of her still reminds me of ,him as naturally as does reading about ,him in the ,new ,testament4 ,the allegory referred to above is here given3 ,a benevolent man found a half-starved1 homeless1 blind beggar-boy in the streets of a great city4 ,he took him1 just as he was1 to his own house1 adopted him as his own son1 and began to educate him4 ,but the boy learned very slowly1 and his face was often sad4 ,his father asked him why he did not fix his mind more upon his lessons1 and why he was not cheerful and happy1 like the other children4 ,the boy replied that his mind was constantly occupied with the fear that he had not been really adopted as a son1 and might at any moment learn his mistake4 ,father4 ,but can you not believe me when ,i assure you that you are my own dear son8 ,boy4 ,i can not1 for ,i can see no reason why you should adopt me4 ,i was a poor1 bad boy2 you did not need any more children1 for you had a house full of them1 and ,i never can do anything for you4 ,father4 ,you can love me and be happy1 and as you grow older and stronger you can work for me4 ,boy4 ,i am afraid ,i do not love you2 that is what troubles me4 ,father4 ,would you not be very sorry to have me deny that you are my son1 and turn you out of the house8 ,boy4 ,oh1 yes6 ,but perhaps that is because you take good care of me1 not because ,i love you4 ,father4 ,suppose1 then1 ,i should provide some one else to take care of you1 and should then leave you4 ,boy4 ,that would be dreadful4 ,father4 ,why8 ,you would be taken good care of1 and have every want supplied4 ,boy4 ,but ,i should have no father4 ,i should lose the best thing ,i have4 ,i should be lonely4 ,father4 ,you see you love me a little1 at all events4 ,now1 do you think ,i love you8 ,boy4 ,i don't see how you can4 ,i am such a bad boy and try your patience so4 ,and ,i am not half as thankful to you for your goodness as ,i ought to be4 ,sometimes1 for a minute1 ,i think to myself1 ,he is my father and he really loves me2 then ,i do something wrong1 and ,i think nobody would want such a boy1 nobody can love such a boy4 ,father4 ,my son1 ,i tell you that ,i do love you1 but you can not believe it because you do not know me4 ,and you do not know me because you have not seen me1 because you are blind4 ,i must have you cured of this blindness4 ,so the blind boy had the scales removed from his eyes and began to see4 ,he became so interested in using his eyesight that1 for a time1 he partially lost his old habit of despondency4 ,but one day1 when it began to creep back1 he saw his father's face light up with love as one after another of his children came to him for a blessing1 and said to himself3 ,they are his own children1 and it is not strange that he loves them1 and does so much to make them happy4 ,but ,i am nothing but a beggar-boy2 he can't love me4 ,i would give anything if he could4 ,then the father asked why his face was sad1 and the boy told him4 ,father4 ,come into this picture gallery and tell me what you see4 ,boy4 ,i see a portrait of a poor1 ragged1 dirty boy4 ,and here is another4 ,and another4 ,why1 the gallery is full of them6 ,father4 ,do you see anything amiable and lovable in any of them8 ,boy4 ,oh1 no4 ,father4 ,do you think ,i love your brothers8 ,boy4 ,i know you do6 ,father4 ,well1 here they are1 just as ,i took the poor fellows out of the streets4 ,boy4 ,out of the streets as you did me8 ,they are all your adopted sons8 ,father4 ,every one of them4 ,boy4 ,i don't understand it4 ,what made you do it8 ,father4 ,i loved them so that ,i could not help it4 ,boy4 ,i never heard of such a thing6 ,you loved those miserable beggar- boys8 ,then you must be made of ,love6 ,father4 ,i am4 ,and that is the reason ,i am so grieved when some such boys refuse to let me become their father4 ,boy4 ,refuse8 ,oh1 how can they8 ,refuse to become your own dear sons8 ,refuse to have such a dear1 kind1 patient father8 ,refuse love8 ,father4 ,my poor blind boy1 don't you now begin to see that ,i do not wait for these adopted sons of mine to wash and clothe themselves1 to become good1 and obedient1 and affectionate1 but loved them because they were such destitute1 wicked1 lost boys8 ,i did not go out into the streets to look for well-dressed1 well-cared-for1 faultless children1 who would adorn my house and shine in it like jewels4 ,i sought for outcasts2 ,i loved them as outcasts2 ,i knew they would be ungrateful and disobedient1 and never love me half as much as ,i did them2 but that made me all the more sorry for them4 ,see what pains ,i am taking with them1 and how beautifully some of them are learning their lessons4 ,and now tell me1 my son1 in seeing this picture gallery1 do you not begin to see me8 ,could anything less than love take in such a company of poor beggars8 ,boy4 ,yes1 my father1 ,i do begin to see it4 ,i do believe that ,i know you better now than ,i ever did before4 ,i believe you love even me4 ,and now ,i know that ,i love you6 ,father4 ,now1 then1 my dear son1 let that vexing question drop forever1 and begin to act as my son and heir should4 ,you have a great deal to learn1 but ,i will myself be your teacher1 and your mind is now free to attend to my instructions4 ,do you find anything to love and admire in your brothers8 ,boy4 ,indeed ,i do4 ,father4 ,you shall be taught the lessons that have made them what they are4 ,meanwhile ,i want to see you look cheerful and happy1 remembering that you are in your father's heart4 ,boy4 ,dear father1 ,i will6 ,but oh1 help me to be a better son6 ,father4 ,dear boy1 ,i will4 #a ,in ,union ,theological ,seminary1 ,new ,york4 #b ,the ,baptism of the ,holy ,ghost1 by ,rev4 ,asa ,mahau1 ,d4,d41 p4 #aah4 #c ,dr4 ,l4 ,h4 ,hemenway4 #d ,some of the charades referred to will be found in appendix ,e1 p4 #eef4 #e ,referring to the following hymn composed by ,madame ,guyon in prison3 ,a little bird ,i am1 ,shut out from fields of air1 ,and in my cage ,i sit and sing ,to ,him who placed me there4 ,well-pleased a prisoner to be1 ,because1 my ,god1 it pleaseth ,thee4 ,naught have ,i else to do2 ,i sing the whole day long2 ,and ,he1 whom most ,i love to please1 ,doth listen to my song4 ,he caught and bound my wandering wing1 ,but still ,he bends to hear me sing4 #f ,mrs4 ,de ,witt was the wife of the ,rev4 ,thomas ,de ,witt1 ,d4,d41 a man of deep learning1 an able preacher in the ,dutch language as well as the ,english1 and universally revered for his exalted ,christian virtues4 ,he was a minister of the ,collegiate ,church1 ,new ,york1 for nearly half a century4 ,he died ,may #ah1 #ahgd1 in the eighty-third year of his age4 ,here are other sentences uttered by him at the grave of his wife3 ,farewell1 my beloved1 honored1 and faithful wife6 ,the tie that united us is severed4 ,thou art with ,jesus in glory2 ,he is with me by ,his grace4 ,i shall soon be with you4 ,farewell6 #g ,prof4 ,smith had been suddenly stricken down by severe illness and with difficulty removed to the well-known ,sanitarium at ,clifton ,springs4 #h ,referring to the book in a letter to a friend1 written shortly after its publication1 she says3 ,of course it will meet with rough treatment in some quarters1 as indeed it has already done4 ,i doubt if any one works very hard for ,christ who does not have to be misunderstood and perhaps mocked4 #i ,one of the best notices appeared in ,the ,churchman1 an ,episcopal newspaper then published at ,hartford1 but since transferred to ,new ,york4 ,here is a part of it3 ,for purity of thought1 earnestness and spirituality of feeling1 and smoothness of diction1 they are all1 without exception1 good--if they are not great4 ,if no one rises to the height which other poets have occasionally reached1 they are1 nevertheless1 always free from those defects which sometimes mar the perfectness of far greater productions4 ,each portrays some human thirst or longing1 and so touches the heart of every thoughtful reader4 ,there is a sweetness running through them all which comes from a higher than earthly source1 and which human wisdom can neither produce nor enjoy4 #aj ,golden ,hours4 #aa ,the name given to the ,dorset home4 #ab ,afterwards changed to ,urbane and ,his ,friends4 #ac ,the passage from ,coleridge is as follows3 ,the feeling of gratitude which ,i cherish towards these men has caused me to digress further than ,i had foreseen or proposed2 but to have passed them over in an historical sketch of my literary life and opinions1 would have seemed like the denial of a debt1 the concealment of a boon2 for the writings of these mystics acted in no slight degree to prevent my mind from being imprisoned within the outline of any dogmatic system4 ,they contributed to keep alive the heart in the head2 gave me an indistinct1 yet stirring and working presentiment that all the products of the mere reflective faculty partook of ,,death1 and were as the rattling of twigs and sprays in winter1 into which a sap was yet to be propelled from some root to which ,i had not penetrated1 if they were to afford my soul either food or shelter4 ,if they were too often a moving cloud of smoke to me by day1 yet they were always a pillar of fire throughout the night1 during my wanderings through the wilderness of doubt1 and enabled me to skirt1 without crossing1 the sandy desert of utter unbelief4 #ad ,see her translation of the hymn in ,golden ,hours1 p4 #abc4 ,the original will be found in appendix ,c1 p4 #edj4 #ae ,i in them and ,thou in me1 that they may be made perfect in one4--,v4 #bc4 #af ,there should be no greater comfort to ,christian persons1 than to be made like unto ,christ1 by suffering patiently adversities1 troubles1 and sicknesses4 ,for ,he himself went not up to joy1 but first ,he suffered pain2 ,he entered not into ,his glory1 before ,he was crucified4 ,so truly our way to eternal joy is to suffer here with ,christ4--7,the ,book of ,common ,prayer47 #ag ,ascribed to ,st4 ,patrick1 on the occasion of his appearing before ,king ,laoghaire4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,work ,,and ,,play4 #ahge-ahgg4 ,i4 ,a ,bible-reading in ,new ,york4 ,her ,painting4 ,grace for ,grace4 ,death of a young ,friend4 ,the ,summer at ,dorset4 ,bible-readings there4 ,encompassed with ,kindred4 ,typhoid ,fever in the ,house4 ,watching and ,waiting4 ,the ,return to ,town4 ,a ,day of ,family ,rejoicing4 ,life a ,battle-field4 ,her time and thoughts during #ahge were mostly taken up by her ,bible- readings1 her painting1 the society of kinsfolk from the ,east and the ,west1 getting her eldest son ready for college1 and by the dangerous illness of her youngest daughter4 ,some extracts from the few letters belonging to this year will give the main incidents of its history4 ,to a young ,friend1 ,jan4 #ac1 #ahge4 ,i have had two ,bible-readings1 and they bid fair to be more like those of last winter than ,i had dared to hope4 ,there are earnest1 thoughtful1 praying souls present1 who help me in conducting the meeting1 and you would be astonished to see how much better ,i can do when not under the keen embarrassment of delivering a lecture1 as at ,dorset4444 ,i have a young friend about your age who is dying of consumption1 and it is very delightful to see how happy she is4 ,she used to attend the ,bible-readings last winter4 ,about the painting8 ,well1 ,i have dug away1 and ,mrs4 ,beers painted out and painted in1 till ,i have got a beautiful great picture almost entirely done by her4 ,then ,i undertook the old fence with the clematis on it here at home1 and made a horrid daub4 ,she painted most of that out1 and is having me do it at the studio4 ,meanwhile1 ,i have worked on another she lent me1 and finished it to-day1 and they all say that it is a success4 ,in my last two lessons ,mrs4 ,b4 contrived to let some light into my bewildered brain1 and says that if ,i paint with her this winter and next summer ,i shall be able to do what ,i please4 ,my most discouraging time1 she says1 is over4 ,not that ,i have been discouraged an atom6 ,i have great faith in a strong will and a patient perseverance1 and have had no idea of saying die4444 ,some lady in ,philadelphia bought forty copies of ,urbane4 ,it was very discriminating in you to see how comforting to me would be that passage from ,robertson4 ,god only fully knows how ,i have got my education4 ,the school has at times been too awful to talk about to any being save ,him4 #a ,to ,mrs4 ,humphrey1 ,new ,york1 ,april #f1 #ahge4 ,my point about ,grace for ,grace #b is this3 ,i believe in growth in grace1 but ,i also believe in1 because ,i have experienced it and find my experience in the ,word of ,god1 a work of the ,spirit subsequent to conversion 7not necessary in all cases1 perhaps1 but in all cases where ,christian life begins and continues feebly71 which puts the soul into new conditions of growth4 ,if a plant is sickly and drooping1 you must change its atmosphere before you can cure it or make it grow4 ,a great many years ago1 disgusted with my spiritual life1 ,i was led into new relations to ,christ to which ,i could give no name1 for ,i never had heard of such an experience4 ,when we moved into this house1 ,i found a paper that had long been buried among rubbish1 in which ,i said1 ,i am one great long sunbeam2 and ,i don't know any words1 that1 on the whole1 could better cover most of my life since then4 ,i have been a great sufferer1 too2 but that has1 in the main1 nothing to do with one's relation to ,christ1 except that most forms of pain bring ,him nearer4 ,now1 one can not read ,grace for ,grace without loving and sympathising with the author1 because of his deep-seated longing for1 and final attainment of1 holiness2 but it seemed to me there was a good deal of needless groping1 which more looking to ,christ might have spared him4 ,it is1 as you say1 curious to see how people who agree in so many points differ so in others4 ,i suspect it is because our degrees of faith vary2 the one who believes most gets most4 ,the subject of sin versus sinlessness is the vexed question1 on which1 as fast as most people get or think they get light1 somebody comes along and snuffs out their candles with unceremonious finger and thumb4 ,a dearly-beloved woman spent a month with me last spring4 ,she thinks she is kept from sin1 and certainly the change from a most estimable but dogmatic character is absolutely wonderful4444 ,there was this discrepancy between her experience and mine1 with1 on all other points1 the most entire harmony4 ,she had had no special1 joyful revelations of ,christ to her soul1 and ,i had had them till it seemed as if body and soul would fly apart4 ,on the other hand she had a sweet sense of freedom from sin which transcended anything ,i had ever had consciously2 although ,i really think that when one is looking unto ,jesus1 one is not likely to fall into much noticeable sin4 ,talking with ,miss ,s4 about the two experiences of my dear friend and myself1 she said that it could be easily explained by the fact that all the gifts of the ,spirit were rarely1 if ever1 given to one soul4 ,she is very 7properly7 reticent as to what she has herself received1 but she behaved in such a beautiful1 ,christlike way on a point where we differed1 a point of practice1 that ,i can not doubt she has been unusually blest4 ,early in ,may of this year she was afflicted by the sudden death in ,paris of a very dear friend of her eldest daughter1 ,miss ,virginia ,s4 ,osborn4 #c ,during the previous summer ,miss ,osborn had passed several weeks at ,dorset and endeared herself1 while there1 to all the family4 ,the following is from a letter of ,mrs4 ,prentiss to the bereaved mother3 ,i feel much more like sitting down and weeping with you than attempting to utter words of consolation4 ,nowhere out of her own home was ,virginia more beloved and admired than in our family2 we feel afflicted painfully at what to our human vision looks like an unmitigated calamity4 ,but if it is so hard for us to bear1 to whom in no sense she belonged1 what a heartrending event this is to you1 her mother6 ,what an amazement1 what a mystery4 ,but it will not do to look upon it on this side4 ,we must not associate anything so unnatural as death with a being so eminently formed for life4 ,we must look beyond1 as soon as our tears will let us1 to the sphere on which she has been honored to enter in her brilliant youth2 to the society of the noblest and the best human beings earth has ever known2 to the fulness of life1 the perfection of every gift and grace1 to congenial employment1 to the welcome of ,him who has conquered death and brought life and immortality to light4 ,if we think of her as in the grave1 we must own that hers was a hard lot2 but she is not in a grave2 she is at home2 she is well1 she is happy1 she will never know a bereavement1 or a day's illness1 or the infirmities and trials of old age2 she has got the secret of perpetual youth4 ,but while these thoughts assuage our grief1 they can not wholly allay it4 ,we have no reason to doubt that she would have given and received happiness here upon earth1 had she been spared2 and we can not help missing her1 mourning for her1 longing for her1 out of the very depths of our hearts4 ,the only real comfort is that ,god never makes mistakes2 that ,he would not have snatched her from us1 if ,he had not had a reason that would satisfy us if we knew it4 ,i can not tell you with what tender sympathy ,i think of your return to your desolate home2 the agonizing meeting with your bereaved boys2 the days and nights that have to be lived through1 face to face with a great sorrow4 ,may ,god bless and keep you all4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,dorset1 ,july #aa1 #ahge4 ,i have been sitting at my window1 enjoying the clear blue sky1 and the living green of the fields and woods1 and wishing you were here to share it all with me4 ,but as you are not1 the next best thing is to write you4 ,you seem to have been wafted into that strange sea-side spot1 to do work there1 and ,i hope you will have health and strength for it4 ,one of the signs of the times is the way in which the hand of ,providence scatters city folks all about in waste places1 there to sow seed that in ,his own time shall spring up and bear fruit for ,him4 ,i was shocked at what you said about ,miss ---- not recognising you4 ,it seemed almost incredible4 ,mr4 ,prentiss has persuaded me to have a family ,bible-reading on ,sunday afternoon1 as we have no service1 and studying up for it this morning ,i came to this proverb which originated with ,huss1 whose name in ,bohemian signifies goose4 ,he said at the stake3 ,if you burn a goose a swan will rise from its ashes2 and ,i thought--,well1 ,miss ----'s usefulness is at an end1 but ,god can1 and no doubt will1 raise up a swan in her place4 ,about forty now attend my ,bible-reading4 ,we have my eldest brother here and he is a perfect enthusiast about ,dorset1 and has enjoyed his visit immensely4 ,he said yesterday that he had laughed more that afternoon than in the previous ten years4 ,we expect ,dr4 ,stearns and his daughter on the #bjth1 and when they leave ,mr4 ,p4 intends to go to ,maine and try a change of air and scene4 ,i hate to have him go2 his trouble of last year keeps me uneasy1 if he is long out of my sight4 ,to the ,same1 ,dorset1 ,aug41 #ahge4 ,i have just written a letter to my husband1 from whom ,i have been separated a whole day4 ,he has gone to ,maine1 partly to see friends1 partly to get a little sea air4 ,he wanted me to go with him1 but it would have ended in my getting down sick4 ,this summer ,i am encompassed with relatives2 two of my brothers1 a nephew1 a cousin1 a second cousin1 and in a day or two one brother's wife and child1 and two more second cousins are to come2 not to our house1 but to board next door4 ,there is a troop of artists swarming the tavern2 all ladies1 some of them very congenial1 cultivated1 excellent persons4 ,they are all delighted with ,dorset1 and it is pleasant to stumble on little groups of them at their work4 ,a4 has been out sketching with them and succeeds very well4 ,i have given up painting landscapes and taken to flowers4 ,i have just had a visit here in my room from three humming-birds4 ,they are attracted by the flowers444 ,one of the cousins is just now riding on the lawn4 ,her splendid hair has come down and covers her shoulders2 and with her color1 always lovely1 heightened by exercise and pleasure1 she makes a beautiful picture4 ,what is nicer than an unsophisticated young girl8 ,i have no time for reading this summer among the crowd2 but one can not help thinking wherever one is1 and ,i have come to this conclusion3 happiness in its strictest sense is found only in ,christ2 at the same time there are many sources of enjoyment independently of ,him4 ,it is getting dark and ,i can not see my lines4 ,i am more and more puzzled about good people making such mistakes4 ,dr4 ,stearns says that the ,rev4 ,mr4 ---- has been laying his hands on people and saying1 ,receive the ,holy ,ghost4 ,such excesses give me great doubt and pain4 ,to the ,same1 ,sept4 #c1 #ahge4 ,your letter came to find me in a sorrowful and weary spot4 ,my dear ,m4 lies here with typhoid fever1 and my heart and soul and body are in less than a fortnight of it pretty well used up1 and my husband is in almost as bad a case with double anxiety1 he and ,a4 expecting every hour to see me break down4 ,it has been an awful pull for us all1 for not one of us has an atom of health to spare1 and only keep about by avoiding all the wear and tear we can4 ,dr4 ,buck has sent us an excellent ,english nurse2 she came yesterday and insisted on sitting up with ,m4 all night and we all dropped into our beds like so many shot birds4 ,i heard her go down for ice three times1 so ,i knew my precious lamb was not neglected1 and slept in peace4 ,we are encompassed with mercies2 the physician who drives over from ,manchester is as skilful as he is conscientious2 this house is admirably adapted to sickness1 the stairway only nine feet high1 plenty of water1 and my room1 which ,i have given her1 admits of her lying in a draught as the doctor wishes her to do4 ,while the nurse is sleeping1 as she is now1 ,a4 and ,i take turns sitting out on the piazza1 where there is a delicious breeze almost always blowing4 ,the ladies here are disappointed that ,i can no longer hold the ,bible- readings1 but it is not so much matter that ,i am put off work if you are put on it2 the field is one1 and the ,master knows whom to use and when and where4 ,we have been reading with great delight a little book called ,miracles of ,faith4 ,i am called to ,m41 who has had a slight chill1 and of course high fever after it4 ,it seems painfully unnatural to see my sunbeam turned into a dark cloud1 and it distresses me so to see her suffer that ,i don't know how ,i am going to stand it4 ,but ,i won't plague you with any more of this1 nor must ,i forget how often ,i have said1 ,thy will be done4 ,you need not doubt that ,god's will looks so much better to us than our own1 that nothing would tempt us to decide our child's future4 ,to her eldest ,son1 ,dorset1 ,sept4 #ai1 #ahge4 ,your letters are a great comfort to us1 and the way to get many is to write many4 ,m4's fever ran twenty-one days1 as the doctor said it would1 and began to break yesterday4 ,on ,friday it ran very high2 her pulse was #abj and her temperature #aje--;bad1 bad1 bad4 ,she is very1 very weak4 ,we have sent away ,pharaoh and the kitten2 ,pha would bark1 and ,kit would come in and stare at her1 and both made her cry4 ,the doctor has the house kept still as the grave2 he even brought over his slippers lest his step should disturb her4 ,she is not yet out of danger2 so you must not be too elated4 ,we four are sitting in the dining-room with a hot fire2 papa is reading aloud to ,a4 and ,h42 it is evening1 and ,m4 has had her opiate1 and is getting to sleep4 ,i have not much material of which to make letters1 sitting all day in a dark room in almost total silence4 ,the artists are rigging up the church beautifully with my flowers1 etc41 ,mr4 ,palmer and ,mr4 ,lawrence lending their aid4 ,your father is reading about ,hans ,andersen2 you must read the article in the ,living ,age1 ,no4 #a1fca2 it is ever so funny4 ,i had such a queer dream last night4 ,i dreamed that ,maggie plagued us so that your father went to ,new ,york and brought back two cooks4 ,i said ,i only wanted one4 ,oh1 but these are so rare1 he said2 come out and see them4 ,so he led me into the kitchen1 and there sat at the table1 eating dinner very solemnly1 two ostriches6 ,now what that dream was made of ,i can not imagine4 ,now ,i must go to bed1 pretty tired4 ,when you are lonely and blue1 think how we all love you4 ,goodnight1 dear old fellow4 ,sept4 #bast4--,it cuts me to the heart1 my precious boy1 that your college life begins under such a shadow4 ,but ,i hope you know where to go in both loneliness and trouble4 ,you may get a telegram before this reaches you2 if you do not you had better pack your valise and have it ready for you to come at a minute's warning4 ,the doctor gives us hardly a hope that ,m4 will live2 she may drop away at any moment4 ,while she does live you are better off at ,princeton2 but when she is gone we shall all want to be together4 ,we shall have her buried here in ,dorset2 otherwise ,i never should want to come here again4 ,a4 said this was her day to write you1 but she had no heart to do it4 ,the only thing ,i can do while ,m4 is asleep1 is to write letters about her4 ,good-night1 dear boy4 #bb;d--,the doctor was here from eight to nine last night and said she would suffer little more and sleep her life away4 ,she says she is nicely and the nurse says so4 ,your father and ,i have had a good cry this morning1 which has done us no little service4 ,dear boy1 this is a bad letter for you1 but ,i have done the best ,i can4 ,to ,mrs4 ,george ,payson1 ,new ,york1 ,oct4 #ca1 #ahge ,i hope you received the postal announcing our safe arrival home4 ,i have been wanting to answer your last letter1 but now that the awful strain is over ,i begin to flag1 am tired and lame and sore1 and any exertion is an effort4 ,but after all the dismal letters ,i have had to write1 ,i want to tell you what a delightful day yesterday was to us all2 ,g4 home from ,princeton1 all six of us at the table at once1 eating our meat with gladness2 the pleasantest family day of our lives4 ,m4's recovery during the last week has been little short of miraculous4 ,we got her home1 after making such a bugbear of it1 in perfect comfort4 ,we left ,dorset about noon in a close carriage2 the doctor and his wife were at the station and weighed ,m41 when we found she had lost thirty-six pounds4 ,the coachman took her in his arms and carried her into the car1 when who should meet us but the ,warners4 ,on reaching the ,new ,york depot1 ,george rushed into the car in such a state of wild excitement that he took no notice of any one but ,m42 he then flew out and a man flew in1 and without saying a word snatched her up in his arms1 whipped her into a reclining-chair1 and he and another man scampered with her to the carriage and seated her in it2 ,i had to run to keep up with them1 and nearly knocked down a gigantic policeman who was guarding it4 ,the ,warners spent the night here and left next morning before ,i was up1 so afraid of making trouble4444 ,a friend has put a carriage at our disposal1 and ,m4 is to drive every day when and where and as long as she pleases4 ,and now ,i hope ,i shall have something else to write about4444 ,as to the ,bible-readings1 ,i do not find commentaries of much use4 ,experience of life has been my chief earthly teacher1 and one gains that every day4 ,you must not write me such long letters2 it is too much for you4 ,how ,i do wish you would do something desperate about getting well6 ,at any rate1 don't1 any of you1 have typhoid fever4 ,it is the very meanest old snake of a fox ,i ever heard of1 making its way like a masked burglar4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,new ,york1 ,nov #g1 #ahge4 ,we came home on the #bgth of ,october2 ,m4 bore the journey wonderfully well1 and has improved so fast that she drives all round the ,park every day1 ,miss ,w4 having put a carriage at our disposal4 ,how delightful it is to get my family together once more no tongue can tell1 nor did ,i realise all ,i was suffering till the strain was over4 ,i am longing to get physical strength for work1 but my husband is very timid about my undertaking anything4444 ,dr4 ,ludlow #d was here one day last week to ask me to give a talk1 in his study1 to some of his young ,christians2 but my husband told him it was out of the question at present4 ,i shall be delighted to do it2 much of my experience of life has cost me a great price1 and ,i want to use it for the strengthening and comforting of other souls4 ,no doubt you feel so too4 ,whatever may be said to the contrary by others1 to me life has been a battle-field1 and ,i believe always will be2 but is the soldier necessarily unhappy and disgusted because he is fighting8 ,i trow not4 ,i am reading the history of the ,oxford ,conference2 #e there is a great deal in it to like1 but what do you think of this saying of its leader8 ,did it ever strike you1 dear ,christian1 that if the poor world could know what we are in ,christ1 it would worship us8 #f ,i say ,pshaw6 ,what a fallacy6 ,why should it worship us when it rejects ,christ8 ,well1 we have to take even the best people as they are4 ,a few weeks later she met a company of the young ladies of ,dr4 ,ludlow's church and gave them a familiar talk on the ,christian life4 ,the following letter from ,dr4 ,l4 will show how much they were interested3 ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,prentiss3--,i find that you have so taken hold of the young ladies of my church that it will be hard for you to relieve yourself of them4 ,they insist on meeting you again4 ,the hesitancy to ask you questions last ,thursday was due to the large number present4 ,i have asked only the younger ones to come this week--those who are either seeking the way1 or are just at its beginning4 ,five of those you addressed last week have announced their purpose of confessing ,christ at the coming ,communion4 ,several questions have come from those silent lips which ,i am requested to submit to you3 ,what is it to believe8 ,how much feeling of love must ,i have before ,i can count myself ,jesus' disciple8 ,i am troubled with my lack of feeling4 ,i know that sin is heinous1 but do not feel deep abhorrence of it4 ,i know that ,jesus will save me1 but ,i have no enthusiasm of gratitude4 ,am ,i a ,christian8 ,i am afraid to confess ,christ lest ,i should not honor ,him in my life1 for ,i am naturally impulsive and easily fall into religious thoughtlessness4 ,should ,i wait for an inward assurance of strength1 or begin a ,christian life trusting ,him to help me8 ,any of these topics will be very pertinent4 ,i trust that nothing will prevent you from being present on ,thursday afternoon4 ,i will call for you4 ,the limited number who will be present will give you a better working basis than you had last week4 ,the older young ladies have assented to their exclusion this week on the condition that at some time they too can come4 ,very gratefully yours1 ,,james ,m4 ,,ludlow4 ,in a letter dated ,may #c1 #ahhj1 ,dr4 ,ludlow thus refers to these meetings3 ,i regret that ,i can not speak more definitely of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' conversations with the young ladies of my charge1 as it was my custom to withdraw from the room after a few introductory words1 so that she could speak to them with the familiarity of a mother4 ,i know that all that group felt the warmth of her interest in them1 the charm of her character which was so refined by her love of ,christ and strengthened by her experience of needed grace1 as well as the wisdom of her words4 ,i was impressed1 from so much as ,i did hear of her remarks1 with her ability to combine rarest beauty and highest spirituality of thought with the utmost simplicity of language and the plainest illustrations4 ,her conversation was like the mystic ladder which was set up on the earth1 and the top of it reached to heaven4 ,her most solemn counsel was given in such a way as never to repress the buoyant feeling of the young1 but rather to direct it toward the true joy of the ,lord4 ,she seemed to regard the cheer of to-day as much of a religious duty as the hope for to-morrow1 and those with whom she conversed partook of her own peace4 ,i shall always remember these meetings as among the happiest and most useful associations of my ministry in ,new ,york4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,the ,moody and ,sankey ,meetings4 ,her ,interest in them4 ,mr4 ,moody4 ,publication of ,griselda4 ,goes to the ,centennial4 ,at ,dorset again4 ,her ,bible-reading4 ,a ,moody-,meeting ,convert4 ,visit to ,montreal4 ,publication of ,the ,home at ,greylock4 ,her ,theory of a happy ,home4 ,marrying for ,love4 ,her ,sympathy with young ,mothers4 ,letters4 ,the early months of #ahgf were very busily spent in painting pictures for friends1 in attendance upon ,mr4 ,moody's memorable services at the ,hippodrome1 and in writing a book for young mothers4 ,before going to ,dorset for the summer she passed a week at ,philadelphia1 visiting the ,centennial ,exhibition4 ,her letters during the winter and spring of this year relate chiefly to these topics4 ,to a ,christian ,friend1 ,feb4 #bb1 #aigf4 ,you gave me a good deal of a chill by your long silence1 and ,i find it a little hard to be taken up and dropped and then taken up2 still1 almost everybody has these fitful ways1 and very likely ,i myself among that number4 ,your little boy must take a world of time1 and open a new world of thought and feeling4 ,but don't spoil him2 the best child can be made hateful by mismanagement4 ,i am trying to write a book for mothers and find it a discouraging work1 because ,i find1 on scrutiny1 such awfully radical defects among them4 ,and yet such a book would have helped me in my youthful days4 ,you ask if ,i have been to hear ,moody2 yes1 ,i have and am deeply interested in him and his work4 ,yesterday afternoon he had a meeting for ,christian workers1 in which his sound common-sense created great merriment4 ,some objected to this1 but ,i liked it because it was so genuine1 and1 to my mind1 not un-,christlike4 ,so many fancy religion and a long face synonymous4 ,how stupid it is6 ,i wonder they don't object to the sun for shining4 ,i am glad you think ,urbane may be useful1 for ,i hear little from it4 ,junia's story is true as far as the laudanum and the blindness go2 it happened years ago4 ,i do not know what religious effect it had4 ,as to the friend of whom you speak1 she would not love you as you say she does if her case was hopeless2 at least ,i don't think so4 ,i am oppressed with the case of one who wants me to help him to ,christ1 while unwilling to confide to me his difficulties4 ,how little they know how we care for their souls6 ,to ,mrs4 ,george ,payson1 ,feb #bh1 #ahgf4 ,i have been trying to do more than any mortal can1 and now must stop to take breath and write to you4 ,in the first place1 ,m4's illness cut out three months2 then fitting up ,g4's room at ,princeton took a large part of the next three2 then ever so many people wanted me to paint them pictures2 then ,i began a book2 then ,moody and ,sankey appeared1 and ,i wanted to hear them1 and was needed to work in co-operation with them4 ,i don't know how you feel about ,moody1 but ,i am in full sympathy with him1 and last ,friday the testimony of four of the cured gin-pigs 7their own language7 was the most instructive1 interesting language ,i ever heard from human lips4 ,in talking to those he has drawn into the inquiry rooms1 ,i find the most bitterly wretched ones are back-sliders2 they are not without hope1 and expect to be saved at last2 but they have been trying what the world could do for them and found it a failure4 ,their anguish was harrowing2 one after another tried to help them1 and gave up in despair4 ,i had a vase given me at ,christmas somewhat like yours1 but a trifle larger1 and shaped like a fish4 ,the flowers never fell out but once4 ,i had two little tables given me on which to set my majolica vases1 with ,india-rubber plants1 which will grow where nothing else will2 also a desk and bookcase1 and two splendid specimens of grass which grew in ,california1 and had been bleached to a creamy white4 ,they are more beautiful than ,pampa1 or even feather-grass4 ,a4 is driven to death about a fair for the ,young ,women's ,christian ,association4 ,i have given it a ,german tragedy which ,i translated a few years ago4 #g ,they expect to make #a1fjj on it1 but ,randolph says if they make half that they may thank their stars4 ,i have spent all my evenings of late in revising it1 and it goes to the printers to-day4 ,george is going to deliver a literary lecture for the same object this evening1 this being the age of obedient parents4 ,no1 ,i never saw and never painted any window-screens4 ,the best things ,i have done are trailing arbutus and apple-blossoms4 ,a4 invited me to do apple-blossoms for her1 and said she should have to own that ,i had more artistic power than herself4 ,i don't agree with her1 but it is a matter of no consequence1 anyhow4 ,it is a shame for you to buy ,little ,lou2 ,i meant to send you one and thought ,i had done so4 ,the bright speeches are mostly genuine1 made by ,eddy ,hopkins and ,ned and ,charley ,p4 ,how came you to have blooming hepaticas8 ,it is outrageous4 ,my plants do better this winter than ever before4 ,i have had hyacinths in bloom1 and a plant given me1 covered with red berries1 has held its own4 ,it hangs in a glass basket the boys gave me and has a white dove brooding over it4 ,let me inform you that ,i have lost my mind4 ,a friend dined with us on ,sunday1 and ,i asked him when ,i saw him last4 ,why1 yesterday1 he said1 when ,i met you at ,randolph's by appointment4 ,there1 ,i must stop and go to work on one of my numerous irons4 ,the ,german tragedy referred to fell into her hands in the spring of #ahfi1 and her letters1 written at the time1 show how it delighted her4 ,it is1 indeed1 a literary gem4 ,the works of its author1 ,baron ,mnch- ,bellinghausen--for ,friederich ,halm is a pseudonym--are much less known in this country than they deserve to be4 ,he is one of the most gifted of the minor poets of ,germany1 a master of vivid style and of impressive1 varied1 and beautiful thought4 ,griselda first appeared at ,vienna in #ahce4 ,it was enthusiastically received and soon passed through several editions4 ,the scene of the poem is laid in ,wales1 in the days of ,king ,arthur4 ,the plot is very simple4 ,percival1 count of ,wales1 who had married ,griselda1 the daughter of a charcoal burner1 appears at court on occasion of a great festival1 in the course of which he is challenged by ,ginevra1 the ,queen1 to give an account of ,griselda1 and to tell how he came to wed her4 ,he readily consents to do so1 but has hardly begun when the ,queen and ladies of the court1 by their mocking air and questions1 provoke him to such anger that swords are at length drawn between him and ,sir ,lancelot1 a friend of the ,queen1 and only the sudden interposition of the ,king prevents a bloody conflict4 ,the feud ends in a wager1 by which it is agreed that if ,griselda's love to ,percival endure certain tests1 the ,queen shall kneel to her2 otherwise1 ,percival shall kneel to the ,queen4 ,the tests are applied1 and the young wife's love1 although perplexed and tortured in the extreme1 triumphantly endures them all4 ,the character of ,griselda1 as maiden1 daughter1 wife1 mother1 and woman1 is wrought with exquisite skill1 and betokens in the author rare delicacy and nobility of sentiment1 as well as deep knowledge of the human heart4 ,the following extract gives a part of ,percival's description of ,griselda3 ,,percival4 ,plague take these women's tongues6 ,,ginevra 7to her party74 ,control your wit and mirth1 compose your faces1 ,that longer yet this pastime may amuse us6 ,now1 ,percival1 proceed6 ,,percival4 ,what was ,i saying8 ,i have it now6 ,beside the brook she stood2 ,her dusky hair hung rippling round her face4 ,and perched upon her shoulders sat a dove2 ,right home-like sat she there1 her wings scarce moving4 ,now suddenly she stoops--,i mean the maiden-- ,down to the spring1 and lets her little feet ,sink in its waters1 while her colored skirt ,covered with care what they did not conceal2 ,and ,i within the shadow of the trees1 ,inly admired her graceful modesty4 ,and as she sat and gazed into the brook1 ,plashing and sporting with her snow-white feet1 ,she thought not of the olden times1 when girls ,pleased to behold their faces smiling back ,from the smooth water1 used it as their mirror ,by which to deck themselves and plait their hair2 ,but like a child she sat with droll grimaces1 ,delighted when the brook gave back to her ,her own distorted charms2 so then ,i said3 ,conceited is she not4 ,,kenneth4 ,the charming child6 ,,ellinor4 ,what is a collier's child to you6 ,by heaven6 ,don't make me fancy that you know her1 ,sir6 ,,percival4 ,and now resounding through the mountain far1 ,from the church-tower rang forth the vesper-bell1 ,and she grew grave and still1 and shaking quickly ,from off her face the hair that fell around it1 ,she cast a thoughtful and angelic glance ,upward1 where clouds had caught the evening red4 ,and her lips gently moved with whispered words1 ,as rose-leaves tremble when the soft winds breathe4 ,o she is saintly1 flashed it through my soul2 ,she marking on her brow the holy cross1 ,lifted her face1 bright with the sunset's flush1 ,while holy longing and devotion's glow1 ,moistened her eye and hung like glory round her4 ,then to her breast the little dove she clasped1 ,embraced1 caressed it1 kissed its snow-white wings1 ,and laughed2 when1 with its rose-red bill1 it pecked1 ,as if with longing for her fresh young lips4 ,how she'd caress it1 said ,i to myself1 ,were this her child1 the offspring of her love6 ,and now a voice resounded through the woods1 ,and cried1 ,griselda1 cried it1 ,come1 ,griselda6 ,while she1 the distant voice's sound distinguished1 ,sprang quickly up1 and scarcely lingering ,her feet to dry1 ran up the dewy bank ,with lightning speed1 her dove in circles o'er her1 ,till in the dusky thicket disappeared ,for me the last edge of her flutt'ring robe4 ,obedient is she1 said ,i to myself2 ,and many things revolving1 turned ,i home4 ,,ginevra4 ,by heaven6 ,you tell your tale so charmingly1 ,and with such warmth and truth to life1 the hearer ,out of your words can shape a human form4 ,why1 ,i can see this loveliest of maidens ,sit by the brook-side making her grimaces2 ,they are right pretty faces spite of coal-smut4 ,is it not so1 ,sir ,percival8 ,mrs4 ,prentiss' translation is both spirited and faithful--faithful in following even the irregularities of metre which mark the original4 ,it won the praise and admiration of some of the most accomplished judges in the country4 ,the following extract from a letter of the late ,rev4 ,henry ,w4 ,bellows1 ,d4,d41 may serve as an instance3 ,i read it through at one sitting and enjoyed it exceedingly4 ,what a lovely1 pure1 and exalting story it is6 ,i confess that ,i prefer it to ,tennyson's recent dramas or to any of the plays upon the same or kindred themes that have lately appeared from ,leighton and others4 ,the translation is melodious1 easy1 natural1 and hardly bears any marks of the fetters of a tongue foreign to its author4 ,how admirable must have been the knowledge of ,german and the skill in ,english of the translator6 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,new ,york1 ,may #b1 #ahgf4 ,i do not know but ,i have been on too much of a drive all winter1 for besides writing my book ,i have been painting pictures for friends1 and am now at work on some wild roses for ,mrs4 ,d4's golden wedding next ,monday1 and yesterday ,i wrote her some verses for the occasion4 ,the work at the ,hippodrome took a great deal of my time1 and there is a poor homeless fellow now at work in my garden1 whom it was my privilege to lead to ,christ there1 and who touched me not a little this morning by bringing me three plants out of his scanty earnings4 ,he has connected himself with our ,mission and has made friends there4 ,i do not know what ,faber says about the silence of ,christ1 but ,i know that as far as our own consciousness goes1 ,he often answers never a word1 and that the grieved and disappointed heart must cling to ,him more firmly than ever at such times4 ,we live in a mystery1 and shall never be satisfied till we see ,him as ,he is4 ,i am enjoying a great deal in a great many ways1 but ,i am afraid ,i should run in if the gates opened4 ,if ,i go to the ,centennial it will be to please some of the family1 not myself4 ,you ask about my book2 it is a sort of story2 had to be to get read2 ,i could finish it in two weeks if needful4 ,when ,i wrote it no mortal knows2 ,i should say that about all ,i had done this winter was to hold my ,bible-reading1 paint1 and work in the revival4 ,i have so few interruptions compared with my previous life1 that ,i hardly have learned to adjust myself to them4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,philadelphia1 ,may #cj1 #ahgf4 ,we came here on a hospitable invitation to spend a week in the ,centennial grounds1 and yesterday passed several hours in wandering about1 bewildered and amazed at the hosts of things we saw1 and the host we didn't see4 ,we found ourselves totally ignorant of ,norway1 for instance1 whose contributions are full of artistic grace and beauty2 and ,i suppose we shall go on making similar discoveries about other nations4 ,as to the thirty-two art galleries we have only glanced at them4 ,what interested me most was groups of ,norwegians1 ,lapps and other ,northerners1 so life-like that they were repeatedly addressed by visitors--wonderful reproductions4 ,the extent of this ,exhibition is simply beyond description4 ,the only way to get any conception of it is to make a railroad circuit of the grounds4 ,i have had a very busy winter2 held a ,bible-reading once a week1 written a book1 painted lots of pictures to give away1 and really need rest1 only ,i hate rest4444 ,we find out where our hearts really are when we get these fancied invitations homeward4 ,i look upon ,christians who are1 at such times1 reluctant to go1 with unfeigned amazement4 ,the spectacle1 too often seen1 of shrinking from the presence of ,christ1 is one ,i can not begin to understand4 ,i should think it would have been a terrible disappointment to you to get so far on and then have to come back2 but we can be made willing for anything4 ,i am glad you liked ,griselda2 ,i knew you would4 #h ,the extreme heat and her unusually enfeebled state rendered the summer a very trying one2 but its discomfort was in a measure relieved by the extraordinary loveliness of the ,dorset scenery this season4 ,there was much in this scenery to remind her of ,chateau d',oex1 where she had passed such happy weeks in the summer and autumn of #aheh4 ,if not marked by any very grand features1 it is pleasing in the highest degree4 ,in certain states of the atmosphere the entire landscape--,mt4 ,equinox1 ,sunset ,mountain1 ,owl's ,head1 ,green ,peak1 together with the intervening hills1 and the whole valley--becomes transfigured with ever-varying forms of light and shade4 ,at such times she thought it unsurpassed by anything of the kind she had ever witnessed1 even in ,switzerland4 ,the finest parts of this enchanting scene were the play of the cloud-shadows1 running like wild horses across the mountains1 and the wonderful sunsets2 and both were in full view from the windows of her den4 ,her eyes never grew weary of feasting upon them4 ,the cloud-shadows1 in particular1 are much admired by all lovers of nature4 #i ,to ,mrs4 ,george ,payson1 ,kauinfels1 ,july #h1 #ahgf4 ,we have been here four weeks1 and ought to have been here six1 for ,i can not bear heat2 it takes all the life out of me4 ,last night when ,i went up to my room to go to bed1 the thermometer was #ij444 ,are you not going to the ,centennial8 ,george and ,i went on first and stayed at ,dr4 ,kirkbride's4 ,they were as kind as possible1 and we all enjoyed a great deal4 ,what interested me most were wonderful life-like figures 7some said wax1 but they were no more wax than you are7 of ,laplanders1 ,swedes1 and ,norwegians1 dressed in clothes that had been worn by real peasants1 and done by an artistic hand4 ,next to these came the ,japanese department2 amazing bronzes1 amazing screens 7#a1jjj a pair1 embroidered exquisitely71 lovely flowers painted on lovely vases1 etc41 etc41 etc41 ad infinitum4 ,the ,norwegian jewelry was also a surprise and delight2 ,i don't care for jewelry generally1 but these silvery lace-like creations took me by storm4 ,among other pretty things were lots of ,english bedrooms1 exquisitely furnished and enormously expensive4 ,the horticultural department was very poor1 except the rhododendrons1 which drove me crazy4 ,i only took a chair twice4 ,you pay sixty cents an hour for one with a man to propel it1 but can have one for three hours and make your husband 7or wife67 wheel you4 ,you do not pay entrance fee for children going in your arms1 and ,i saw boys of eight or nine lugged in by their fathers and mothers4 ,we think everybody should go who can afford it4 ,several countries had not opened when we were there2 ,turkey and ,spain1 for instance2 and if ,switzerland was ready we did not see it4 ,the more ,i think of the groups ,i spoke of1 the more ,i am lost in admiration4 ,a young mother kneeling over a little dead baby1 and the stern grief of the strong old grandfather1 brought a lump into my throat2 the young father was not capable of such grief as theirs1 and sat by1 looking subdued and tender1 but nothing more4 ,the artist must be a great student of human nature4 ,i went1 every day1 to study these domestic groups2 at first they did not attract the crowd2 but later it was next to impossible to get at them4 ,every one was taken from life1 and you see the grime on their knuckles4 ,almost every face expressed strong and agreeable character4 ,there were very few good and a great many had pictures4 ,of statuary ,the ,forced ,prayer was very popular2 the child has his hands folded1 but is in anything but a saintly temper1 and two tears are on his cheeks4 ,i should like to own it4 ,if ,i had had any money to spare ,i should have bought something from ,japan and something from ,denmark4 ,i do not think any one can realise1 who has not been there1 what an education such an ,exposition is4 ,china's inferiority to ,japan ,i knew nothing about4 ,a4 goes out sketching every day4 ,the other day ,i found her painting a white flower which she said she got from the lawn2 it was something like a white lockspur1 only very much prettier1 and was1 of course1 not a wild flower1 as she supposed1 or1 at any rate1 not indigenous to this soil4 ,she declared it had no leaves1 but ,i made her go out and show me the plant2 it grew about ten inches high1 with leaves like a lily1 and then came the pure1 graceful flowers4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,dorset1 ,july #i1 #ahgf4 ,there has been a great change here in religious interest1 the foundation of which is thought to have been laid in the ,bible-readings4 ,i am ashamed to believe it1 all ,i say and do seems so flat2 but our ,lord can overrule incompetence4 ,the ladies are eager to have the readings resumed1 but ,i can not undertake it unless ,i get stronger4 ,the ,rev4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,reed are doing a quiet work among non-churchgoers at the other end of the village4 ,she has been to every house in the neighborhood and compelled them to come in1 having meetings at her own house4 ,of course the devil is on hand4 ,he reminds me of a slug that sits on my rose bushes watching for the buds to open1 when he falls to and devours them1 instanter4 ,i am sure it is as true of him as of the ,almighty1 that he never slumbers or sleeps4 ,his impertinences increase daily4 ,one of the last things ,i did before leaving home was to decide to bring here one of the ,hippodrome converts1 about whom ,i presume ,i wrote you4 ,we knew next to nothing about him1 and ,i could ill afford to support him2 but ,i was his only earthly friend4 ,he had no home1 no work1 and ,i felt ,i ought to look after him4 ,we gave him a little room in the old mill1 and he is perfectly happy2 calls his room his castle1 does not feel the heat1 takes care of my garden1 enjoys haying1 has put everything in order1 is as strong as a horse1 and a comfort to us all2 being willing to turn his hand to anything4 ,in the evenings he has made for me a manilla mat1 of which ,i am very proud4 ,he has been all over the world and picked up all sorts of information4 ,he went to hear ,mr4 ,prentiss' centennial address on the ,fourth at a picnic1 and ,i was astonished when he came back at his intelligent account of it4 ,everybody likes him1 and he has proved a regular institution4 ,i would not have had a flower but for him1 for ,i can not work out in such a blazing sun as we have had4 #aj ,my book is to be called1 ,i believe1 ,the ,home at ,greylock2 but ,i don't know4 ,my husband and ,mr4 ,randolph fussed so over the title that ,i said it would end in being called ,much ,ado about ,nothing4 ,they1 being men1 look at the financial question1 to which ,i never gave a thought4 ,even ,satan has never so much as whispered1 ,write to make money2 don't be too religious in your books4 ,still he may do it1 now ,i have put it into his head4 ,how little any of us know what he won't make us do6 ,i enjoyed the ,centennial more than ,i expected to do1 but got my fill very soon1 and was glad to go home4 ,no account of the ,dorset home would be complete without some reference to the old mill4 ,it had been dismantled during the war1 but1 at the request of the neighbors1 was now restored to its original use4 ,it also contained the boys' workshop1 a bathing-room1 an ice-house1 a ram1 and a bowling-alley2 formed1 indeed1 together with the pond and the boat1 part and parcel of the ,dorset home itself4 ,to ,mrs4 ,james ,donaghe1 ,dorset1 ,july #ae1 #ahgf4 ,i have hardly put pen to paper since ,i came here4 ,i never could endure heat2 it always laid me flat4 ,yesterday there was a let-up to the torrid zone1 and to-day it is comparatively cool4 ,yesterday the mother of our pastor here got her release4 ,i cried for joy1 for she has been a great sufferer1 and had longed to die4 ,what a mystery death is6 ,i went in to see how she was1 and she had just breathed her last1 and there lay her poor old body1 eighty-two years old1 looking as rent and torn as one might suppose it would after a fight of thirty years between the soul and itself4 ,i have wondered if the heat1 so dreadful to many1 had not been good for you4 ,a rheumatic boy1 who works for us off and on1 says it has been splendid for him4 ,we heard yesterday that ,dr4 ,schaff had lost his eldest daughter after a ten days' illness with typhoid fever4 ,he has been greatly afflicted again and again and again by such bereavements1 but this must be hardest of all4 #aa ,there is a different religious atmosphere here now from anything we have ever known4 ,the ladies hoped to begin the ,bible-readings right off1 but it was out of the question4 ,i expect such a number of guests this week that ,i dare not undertake it4 ,i wish you were coming1 too4 ,how you would enjoy sitting on the piazza watching the shadows on the mountains6 ,we have had some magnificent sunsets this season4 ,mr4 ,prentiss and ,i drive every night after tea1 a regular old ,darby and ,joan4 ,generally1 ,i prefer working in the garden to driving1 but this time it has been too hot1 and we have next to no flowers4 ,it quite grieves me that ,i have nothing to lay on ,grandma ,pratt's coffin4 ,however1 she won't care6 ,won't it be nice to get rid of these frail1 troublesome bodies of ours1 and live without them6 ,i hope ,i shall see you in heaven1 with plenty of room and no rheumatism4 ,how could you make such a time over that doggerel6 #ab ,such things are a drug in this house4 ,i thought ,i had a long letter from you1 and it was that stuff6 ,my last book is all printed4 ,my husband kindly corrected the proof-sheets for me2 a thing ,i hate to do4 ,he likes the book better than ,i do4 ,i always get tired of my books by the time they are done4 ,i read very little2 only some few devotional books over and over4 ,i wonder if you have read ,miracles of ,faith8 ,it is a remarkable little book4 ,do write and let me know how you and your husband are4 ,we make great account of our afternoon mail4 ,she alludes in the preceding letter to the guests she was expecting4 ,the entertainment of friends formed a marked feature of her ,dorset life2 and it called into play the brightest traits of her character4 ,her visitors always went away feeling like one who has been gazing upon a beautiful landscape or listening to sweet music1 so charming was her hospitality4 ,one of them1 writing to her husband a year after her death1 thus refers to it3 ,i seem to see the ,dorset hills now with their beautiful cloud-shadows and lovely blue4 ,i can see in my mind your pleasant home and all the faces1 including the dear one you miss this summer4 ,what a delightful home she made6 ,the good cheer she furnished for the minds1 hearts1 and bodies of her guests was something remarkable4 ,i shall never forget my visits2 ,i was in a state of high entertainment from beginning to end4 ,what entertaining stories she told6 what practical wisdom she gave out in the most natural and incidental way6 and what housekeeping6 ,common articles of food seemed to possess new virtues and zest4 ,i always went away full of the marvels of the visit1 as well as loaded down with many little tokens of her kindness and thoughtfulness4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,dorset1 ,sept4 #i1 #ahgf4 ,what interested me most at the ,centennial was in the ,main ,building1 and two things stand out1 prominently1 in my memory4 ,the first is groups of ,swedish figures1 dressed in national costume1 and all done by the hand of a real artist4 ,especially examine the dead baby and its weeping mother and rugged old wounded grandfather2 it will remind you of the words1 ,a little child shall lead them4 ,next in interest to me were the ,japanese bronzes and screens2 next wares from ,denmark1 butterflies and feathers from ,brazil4 ,in the art department a picture called ,betty in the ,british division1 up in a corner1 and in statuary ,the ,forced ,prayer4 ,both my girls agreed with me in the main2 the boys cared most for ,machinery hall1 and my husband for ,queensland1 for which ,i did not care a fig4 ,last ,sunday was as perfect here as with you4 ,my husband preached at ,pawlet1 about six miles from here1 and ,i went with him4 ,he preached a very earnest sermon on prayer4 ,my ,bible-reading is thronged1 and ,i can't but hope the ,holy ,spirit is helping my infirmities and blessing souls4 ,my heart yearns over these women1 many of whom have faces stamped with care4 ,there is a class here that nobody has any idea how to get at4 ,to meet their case1 apostolic work needs to be done4 ,do you know that ,irishmen are buying up the ,new ,england farms at a great rate8 ,to ,mrs4 ,donaghe1 ,dorset1 ,sept4 #aj1 #ahgf4 ,the extraordinary heat has worked unfavorably on both my husband and myself2 he has been under medical treatment most of the time1 forlorn and depressed4 ,i have just pushed through as ,i could2 my ,bible-reading1 which has been wonderfully attended1 being the only work ,i have done4 ,the weather is cool now and ,i feel stronger4 ,a party of young people1 who were coming to call on ,a41 were upset just above us2 two had broken legs1 others bruises and cuts1 and one had both knee-pans seriously injured4 ,we got her here and put her to bed1 and then ,i started off to get the rest2 but the surgeon1 on arriving1 decided they should be removed at once1 and got them all safely back to ,manchester4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,new ,york1 ,oct4 #af1 #ahgf4 ,since my last letter ,i have been to ,montreal1 fled from and settled down here4 ,my book is out in ,england1 and my husband sat up till midnight1 reading an ,english copy of it1 although he had heard me read it aloud when written1 and read it twice in proof-sheets4 ,he thinks it will be a useful book4 ,i feel sure you will agree with me in its main points4 ,god grant it may send many a bewildered mother to her knees6 ,miss ,s4 called here a few days ago2 she has written a book called ,the ,fullness of the ,blessing1--one object of which is to prove that sanctification is not1 can not be instantaneous4444 ,i do hope the book will do good4 ,it seems timely to me1 for ,i shudder when ,i hear that ,a4 and ,b4 professed sanctification on such and such a day4 ,my visit to ,montreal gave me indignant pain when ,i saw crowds kneeling to the ,virgin1 and not to ,christ1 in those costly churches and cathedrals4 ,as to ,miss ---- ,i do not know enough of her to form an opinion of her state2 ,i incline1 however1 to think that demoniac possession is sometimes permitted4 ,fenelon1 you know1 thinks we should not be too eager for spiritual delight4 ,he is entirely right when he says that the night of faith may witness a faith dearer to ,god than that of sensible delight4 ,i love ,job when he says1 ,though ,he slay me1 yet will ,i trust in ,him1 more than ,i do ,david when he is in green pastures and beside still waters2 it does not require much faith to be happy there4 ,nov4 #abth4--,i am glad ,greylock reached you in safety1 and sorry ,i could not correct its numerous misprints4 ,your question about ,kitty ,i don't quite understand2 ,i did not mean to say that her parents had no more trouble with her1 but they had no more fights growing out of self-will on both sides4 ,i know that there is no end to trouble with obstinate or otherwise naughty children1 only if the mother lives close to ,christ the fault will be on their side1 not hers4 ,you speak1 by-the-bye1 of my using the word ,christ rather than the word ,jesus4 ,i do so because it means more to my mind1 and because the apostles use it much more frequently4 ,i do hope my book will be a comfort and help to many well-meaning but inexperienced mothers4 ,and ,i wish ,i practised more perfectly what ,i preach4 ,but ,i have my infirmities and find it hard to be always on my guard4444 ,a4 and ,i are taking drawing-lessons of a very superior ,french teacher1 who offers us the privilege of spending our whole time in her studio1 with conseil4 ,the ,home at ,greylock was published the latter part of ,october4 ,it embodied1 as she said1 the results of thirty years of experience and reflection4 ,its views of marriage and of the office of a ,christian mother found frequent expression in her other writings and in her correspondence4 ,she placed religion and love alike at the foundation of a true home2 the one to connect it with heaven above1 the other to make it a heaven upon earth4 ,she enjoined it upon her young friends1 as they desired enduring domestic felicity1 to marry first of all for love4 ,to one of them1 who was tempted1 as she feared1 to marry out of gratitude rather than from love1 she wrote3 ,we women are exacting creatures2 and you can not please us unless we have the whole of you4 ,oh1 if you knew the sacredness1 the beauty1 the sweetness of married life1 as ,i do1 you would as soon think of entering heaven without a wedding garment1 as of venturing on its outskirts even1 save by the force of a passionate1 overwhelming power that is stronger than death itself6 ,how warmly she sympathised with mothers1 especially with young mothers1 in their peculiar experiences and how great she thought their privilege to be1 her writings testify4 ,the same trait is brought out still more fully in her letters4 ,only a mother1 she wrote1 knows the varied discipline of hopes and fears and joys and sorrows through which a mother passes to glory--for this is the mother's pathway1 and she rarely walks on a higher road or one that may so lead to perfection4 ,some of her letters addressed to bereaved mothers have already been given4 ,but if her heart was always touched with grief by the death of an infant1 it seemed to leap for joy whenever she heard that in the home of a friend a child was coming or had just arrived4 ,here are samples of her letters on such occasions4 ,to ,mrs4 ----1 ,jan #aj1 #ahgd4 ,you little know into what a new world you are going to be introduced6 ,i wouldn't be a bit frightened1 if ,i were you2 it is ever so much more likely that you'll get through safely1 than that you will not2 and then what joy6 ,you will be a very loving1 devoted mother1 and ,i hope this little one will only be the beginning of a houseful4 ,i spoke for ten1 but only had six2 and our dear ,lord had to take two of them back4444 ,i have just run over your letter again1 and want to reiterate my charge to you to feel no fear about your future4 ,if you live and have a child1 your joy will be wonderful1 but if you do not live 7here7 it will be because you are going to dwell with ,christ1 which is better than having a thousand children4 ,so ,i see nothing but bright sides for you4 ,to the ,same1 ,april #ah #aj1 #ahgd4 ,by this time you ought to be able to receive letters2 at any rate ,i am going to write one and you can do as you please about reading it4 ,well1 isn't a baby an institution8 ,i am sure you had no idea what a delightful thing it is to be a mother1 and that you have had a most bewildering experience of both suffering and joy4 ,i shall want to hear all about the young gentleman when you get strong enough to write an enthusiastic letter about him2 nor have ,i any objection to hear how his mother is behaving under these new circumstances4 ,what does your husband think of the upsetting of all home customs and the introduction of this young hero therein8 ,thank him for sending me the news in good season4 ,i should not have liked it from a stranger4 ,and by-the-bye1 don't let your children say parp-er and marm-er1 as nine children out of ten do4 ,i daresay you never meant they should1 having a little mite of sense of your own4 ,now this is all a new mother ought to read at once1 so with lots of congratulations and thanksgivings1 good-bye4 ,the following is an extract from a letter to another friend1 dated ,feb4 #bj1 #ahge3 ,your last letter was so eloquent in its happiness that in writing an article for a magazine on the subject of education1 ,i could not help beginning ,the ,king is coming1 and depicting his heralds444 ,i am indeed rejoicing in your joy1 and hope the little queen will long sit on the right royal throne of your heart4 ,keep me posted as to ,miss ,baby's progress4 ,i know a family where the first son was called ,boy for years1 the servants addressing him as ,master ,boy4 ,here are the opening sentences of the article referred to3 ,the ,king is at hand4 ,heralds have been announcing his advent in language incomprehensible to man1 but which woman understands as she does her alphabet4 ,a dainty basket1 filled with mysteries half hidden1 half displayed2 soft little garments1 folded away in ranks and files2 here delicate lace and cambric2 there down and feathers and luxury4 ,the ,king has come4 ,limp and pink1 a nothing and nobody1 yet welcomed and treasured as everything and everybody1 his wondrous reign begins4 ,his kingdom is the world4 ,his world is peopled by two human beings4 ,yesterday1 they were a boy and a girl4 ,to-day1 they are man and woman1 and are called father and mother4 ,their new ,king is imperious4 ,he has his own views as to the way he shall live and move and have his being4 ,he has his own royal table1 at which he presides in royal pomp4 ,his waiting-maid is refined and educated--his superior in everyway4 ,he takes his meals from her when he sees fit2 if he can not sleep1 he will not allow her to do so4 ,his treasurer is a man whom thousands look up to1 and reverence1 but1 in this little world1 he is valued only for the supplies he furnishes1 the equipages he purchases1 the castle in which young royalty dwells4 ,the picture is not unpleasing1 however2 the slaves have the best of it1 after all4 ,the reign is not very long4 ,two years later1 there is a descent from the throne1 to make room for the ,queen4 ,she is a great study to him4 ,he puts his fingers into her eyes to learn if they are little blue lakelets4 ,he grows chivalrous and patronizing4 ,so the world of home goes on4 ,the ,king and ,queen give place to new ,kings and ,queens1 but1 though dethroned1 they are still royal2 their wants are forestalled1 they are fed1 clothed1 instructed1 but above all1 beloved4 ,when did their education begin8 ,at six months8 ,a year8 ,two years8 ,no2 it began when they began2 the moment they entered the little world they called theirs4 ,every touch of the mother's hand1 every tone of her voice1 educates her child4 ,it never remembers a time when she was not its devoted lover1 servant1 vassal1 slave4 ,many an ear enjoys1 is soothed by music1 while ignorant of its laws4 ,so the youngest child in the household is lulled by uncomprehended harmonies from its very birth4 ,affections group round and bless it1 like so many angels2 it could not analyse or comprehend an angel1 but it could feel the soft shelter of his wings4 #ac ,the following was addressed to a friend1 whose home was already blessed with six fine boys3 ,,dorset1 ,sept4 #af1 #ahfh4 ,dear ,mr4 ,b43--,i am just as glad as ,i can be6 ,i said it was a girl1 and ,i knew it was a girl1 and that is the reason it is a girl4 ,give my best love to ,mrs4 ,b41 and tell her ,i hope this little damsel will be to her like a ,sabbath of rest1 after the six week and work days she has had all along4 ,it is hard to tell which one loves best1 one's girls or one's boys1 but it is pleasant to have both kinds444 ,i hope your place has as appropriate a name as ours has had given to it--,saints' ,rest66--and that you will fill it full of saints and angels2 only let them be girls1 you have had boys enough4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iii4 ,the ,year #ahgg4 ,death of her ,cousin1 the ,rev4 ,charles ,h4 ,payson4 ,illness and ,death of ,prof4 ,smith4 ,let us take our ,lot in ,life just as it comes4 ,adorning one's ,home4 ,how much ,time shall be given to it8 ,god's ,delight in ,his beautiful ,creations4 ,death of ,dr4 ,buck4 ,visiting the sick and bereaved4 ,an ,ill-turn4 ,goes to ,dorset4 ,the ,strangeness of ,life4 ,kauinfels4 ,the ,bible-reading4 ,letters4 ,during the early months of #ahgg ,mrs4 ,prentiss' sympathies were much excited by sickness and death among her friends4 ,i spend a deal of time1 she wrote1 at funerals and going to see people in affliction1 and never knew anything like it4 ,and wherever she went1 it was as a daughter of consolation4 ,the whole year1 indeed1 was marked by a very tender and loving spirit1 as also by unwonted thoughtfulness4 ,but it was marked no less by the happiest1 most untiring activity of both hands and brain4 ,during the month of ,january she wrote the larger portion of a new serial for ,the ,christian at ,work4 ,it would seem as if she foresaw the end approaching and was pressing toward it with eager steps and a glad heart4 ,to her eldest ,son1 ,new ,york1 ,jan4 #bh1 #ahgg4 ,the great event of last week was cousin ,charles' unexpected death4 #ad ,your father and ,i attended the funeral1 in his church1 which was crowded to overflowing with a weeping audience4 ,most of the ministers we know were there4 ,cousin ,g4 came on ,friday night and said nothing would comfort him like hearing your father preach and he promised to do so4 ,i went with him to ,inwood1 and we have just got back4 ,your father preached a beautiful sermon and paid a glowing tribute to cousin ,charles in it1 and ,i am very glad ,i went4 ,after the funeral yesterday ,i came home and put up some chicken-jelly ,i had made for ,prof4 ,smith1 and carried it down to him2 there ,i met ,dr4 ,gould1 of ,rome1 who had seen him1 and said he considered his case a very critical one4 ,feb4 #dth4--,your father was invited to repeat his lecture on ,recollections of ,hurstmonceux and ,rydal ,mount1 and did so1 yesterday morning1 in our lecture-room1 which was filled with a fine audience1 mostly strangers4 ,what have you on your natural bracket8 ,and have you put up your leaves on your windows8 ,mine are looking splendidly4 ,h4 is burning one of them with a magnifying-glass your father gave me at ,christmas4 ,the sun does lie delightfully in this room4 ,i must now go to the ,smiths4 ,all send love4 ,prof4 ,smith passed away peacefully in the early morning on the #gth of ,february4 ,one of his last conscious utterances was addressed to ,mrs4 ,prentiss3 ,i have ceased to cumber myself with the things of time and sense1 and have had some precious thoughts about death4 ,henry ,boynton ,smith was one of those men who enrich life by their presence1 and seem to render the whole world poorer by their absence4 ,he was strongly attached to ,mrs4 ,prentiss2 for more than forty years the relation between him and her husband resembled that of brothers2 ,mrs4 ,smith was one of her oldest and most beloved friends1 and for a quarter of a century the two families had dwelt together in unity4 ,and1 then1 with one of the saddest and one of the happiest events of her domestic history--the burial of her little ,bessie1 at which he ministered with ,christlike sympathy1 and at the baptism of her ,swiss boy who bore his name--he was tenderly associated4 ,it is not strange1 therefore1 that his death1 as well as the wearisome years of invalidism which preceded it1 touched her deeply4 ,what manner of man he was2 how gifted1 wise and large-hearted2 how devoted to the cause of his ,lord and ,saviour2 what a leader and master-workman in sacred science and in the ,church of ,christ2 how worthy of love and admiration--all this may be seen and read elsewhere4 #ae ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,feb4 #ad1 #ahgg4 ,before ,i go down to the meeting at ,mrs4 ,d4's ,i must have a little chat with you1 in reply to your last two letters4 ,i felt like shrieking aloud when you contrasted your life with mine4 ,but it is impossible to state fully why4 ,yet ,i may say one thing2 ,i have had to learn what ,i teach in loneliness1 suffering1 conflict1 and dismay1 which ,i do not believe you have physical strength to bear4 ,the true story of my life will never be written4 ,but whatever you do1 don't envy it4 ,and ,i do not mean by that1 that ,i am a disappointed1 unhappy woman2 far from it4 ,but ,i enjoy and suffer intensely1 and one insulting word about ,greylock1 for instance1 goes on stinging and cutting me1 amid forgetfulness of hundreds of kind ones4 #af ,let us take our lot in life just as it comes1 courageously1 patiently1 and faithfully1 never wondering at anything the ,master does4 ,i am concerned just as you are about my interest in things of time and sense4 ,but ,i have not the faintest doubt that if we could have all we want in ,christ1 inferior objects would fade and fall4 ,but we live in a strange world1 amid many claims on time and thought2 we can not dwell in a convent1 and must dwell among human beings1 and fall more or less under their influence4 ,we shall get out of all this by and by4 ,feb4 #bgth4--,this winter ,i am drawing in charcoal under an accomplished teacher2 she has so large a class that ,i had to withdraw from it and take private lessons4 ,she has invited ,a4 to assist her in teaching little ones twice a week1 which materially curtails her bill4 ,a4 was introduced to one youth1 aged five1 as ,monsieur ,so and ,so2 he had his easel1 his big portfolio1 and charcoal1 in great style1 but only took one lesson1 he hated it so4 ,i don't see what his mother was made of4 ,i sympathise with your fear of spending too much time adorning your home1 etc41 etc4 ,it is a nice question how far to go and how far to stay4 ,but ,i honestly believe that a bare1 blank1 prosaic house makes religion appear dreadfully homely4 ,we enjoy seeing our children enjoy their work and their play2 is our ,father unwilling to let us enjoy ours8 ,in a ,german book #ag ,i translated1 a little boy is very happy in making a scrap-book for a little friend1 and ,god is represented as being glad to see him so happy4 ,and ,i don't believe ,he begrudged your making me that pretty picture1 or did not wish me to make yours4 7,by-the-bye1 when you have time1 tell me how to do it47 ,it seems to me we are meant to use all the faculties ,god gives us2 to abuse them is another thing4 ,i feel that ,i am having a vacation1 and wonder how long it is going to last4 ,i do not know how ,i should have stood the tremendous change in my life1 through my husband's change of profession1 if ,i had not had this resource of painting4 ,o1 how ,i do miss his preaching6 ,how ,i miss my pastoral work6 ,dr4 ,buck is on his dying bed1 and longing to go4 #ah ,to her eldest ,son1 ,new ,york1 ,march #aa1 #ahgg4 ,we had an excellent sermon from ,dr4 ,vincent this morning1 which he repeated by request4 ,last evening we had ,chi ,alpha1 and as ,i saw this body of men enter the dining-room1 ,i wondered whether ,i had borne any minister to take up your father's and my work when we lay it down4 #ahth4--,i thought within myself1 as ,i listened to a sermon on the union of ,christ and the believer1 whether ,i should have the bliss of hearing you preach4 ,let me see2 how old should ,i have to be1 at soonest8 ,sixty-two2 the age at which my ancestors died1 unless they died young4 ,i got a beautiful letter1 a few days ago1 from a minister in ,philadelphia1 the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,miller1 who has #a1cjj members in his church1 and says if he could afford it he would give a copy of ,greylock to every young mother in it4 ,i went to ,mrs4 ,p4's funeral on ,friday4 ,she wanted to die suddenly1 and had her wish4 ,she ate her breakfast on ,tuesday2 then went into the office and arranged papers there2 her husband went out at ten1 and shortly after1 she began to feel sick and the girls made her go to bed4 ,one of them went out to do some errands1 and the other sat in the room2 she soon heard a sound that made her think her mother wanted something1 and on going to her found her dead4 ,dr4 ,p4 got home at twelve1 long after all was over4 ,he told me it was the most extraordinary death he ever heard of1 but his theory was that a small clot of blood arrested the circulation1 as she had no disease4 ,i had a talk with ,c4 about his wife's sudden death4 ,i had already written him and sent him a note4 ,i cut from the ,evening ,post the slip ,i enclose about ,mr4 ,moody's question-drawer4 ,i wish ,i could hope for as sudden a death as ,mrs4 ,p4's4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,april #af1 #ahgg4 ,i am glad you liked the picture4 ,did you know that you too can get leaves and flowers in advance of spring1 by keeping twigs in warm water8 ,i had forsythia bloom1 and other things leafed beautifully4 ,it is said that apple and pear blossoms will come out in the same way1 if placed in the sun in glass cans4 ,i have been thinking1 lately1 that if ,i enjoy my imperfect work1 how ,god1 who has made so many beautiful1 as well as useful1 things1 must enjoy ,his faultless creations4 ,my work is still to go from house to house where sickness and death are so busy4 ,mrs4 ,f4 ,g4 has just lost her two only children within a day of each other4 ,neither her mother nor sister could go near her during their illness or after their death1 because of the flock of little ones in their house1 and it was not safe to have a funeral4 ,dr4 ,hastings made a prayer2 he said the scene was heart-rending4 ,may #c;d4--,dr4 ,storrs preached for us last ,sunday1 and said one striking thing ,i must tell you on the passage1 ,they were stoned1 were sawn asunder1 they were tempted1 etc4 ,he said many thought the word tempted out of place amid so many horrors1 but that it held its true position1 since few things could cause such anguish to a ,christian heart as even a suggestion of infidelity to its ,lord4 ,to this ,kempis adds the hell of not knowing whether one had yielded or not4 ,may #agth4--,misery loves company2 and so ,i am writing to you4 ,perhaps it will be some consolation to you that ,i too have been knocked up for two weeks1 one of which ,i spent in bed4 ,nothing serious the matter1 only put down and kept down2 not agreeable1 but necessary4 ,how astounded we shall be when we wake up in heaven and find our hateful old bodies couldn't get in6444 ,m4 is making1 and ,h4 has made1 a picture scrap-book for a hospital in ,syria4 ,your mother might enjoy that4 ,we all crave occupation4 ,imprisonment with hard labor never seems to me so frightful as imprisonment and nothing to do1 does4 ,did you ever hear the story of the man who spent years in a dark dungeon1 idle1 and then found some pins in his coat1 which he spent years in losing1 and crawling about and finding8 ,well1 ,i have got rid of a wee morsel of this weary day in writing this1 and you will get rid of another morsel in reading it4 ,so we'll patch each other up1 and limp along together1 and by and by go where there it no limping and no patching4 ,the new serial1 her ,bible-readings1 and painting1 with visits to sick- rooms and to the house of mourning1 during the early half of this year1 left little time for correspondence4 ,her letters were few and brief2 but they are marked1 as was her life1 by unusual quietness and depth of feeling4 ,her delight was still to speak in them a helpful and cheering word to souls struggling with their own imperfections1 or with trials of the way4 ,a single extract will illustrate the gentle wisdom of her counsels3 ,i think there is such a thing as peace of conscience even in this life4 ,i do not mean careless peace1 or heedless peace2 ,i mean calm consciousness of an understanding1 so to speak1 between the soul and its ,lord4 ,a wife1 for instance1 may say and do things to her husband that show she is human2 yet1 at the same time1 the two may live together loyally1 and be happy4 ,and unless a ,christian is aware of having on hand an idol1 dearer than ,god1 ,i see no reason why he should not live in peace1 even while aware that he is not yet finished 7perfect74 ,we love ,god more than we are aware2 when ,he slays us we trust in ,him1 when ,he strikes us we kiss ,his hand4 ,her own mood at this time was singularly grave and pensive4 ,she felt more and more keenly the moral puzzle and contradictions of existence4 ,from beginning to end1 in every aspect1 she wrote to a friend1 life grows more mysterious to me1 not to say queer--for that is not what ,i mean4 ,such strange things are all the time happening1 and even good people doing and saying things that nearly drive one wild4444 ,we live in a mixed state1 in a kind of see-saw3 we go up and then we go down2 go down and then fly up4 ,still this strange1 ever-changing mystery of life1 although it sometimes perplexed her in the extreme1 did not make her unhappy4 ,i have great sources of enjoyment1 she adds1 and do enjoy a good deal2 infinitely more than ,i deserve4 ,early in ,june she and the younger children went to ,dorset4 ,on reaching there1 she wrote to her husband3 ,here we are1 sitting by the fire in our dear little parlor4 ,we made a very comfortable journey to ,manchester1 but the ride from there here was rather cheerless and cold1 as they forgot to send wraps4 ,the neighbors had sent in various good things1 and the strawberries looked very nice4 ,it rains1 but ,m4 and ,i have surveyed the garden1 and she says it is looking better than usual4 ,i only wish you were here4 ,your love is intensely precious to me1 as ,i know mine is to you4 ,how thankful we ought to be that we have loved each other through thick and thin6 ,this is ,god's gift4 ,i can not write legibly with this pencil1 nor see very well1 as it is a dark day1 and yet too early for a lamp4 ,the latter part of ,june she made a short visit with her husband to ,montreal4 ,a pleasant incident of this journey was an excursion to ,quebec1 where two charming days were spent in seeing the ,falls of ,montmorenci1 the ,plains of ,abraham1 and other objects of interest in and about that remarkable city4 ,during the ride in the cars from ,montreal to ,st4 ,albans1 she called the attention of her husband to a paragraph from an ,english newspaper containing an account of the death of a miner by an explosion1 on whose breast was found a lock of hair inscribed with the name of ,jessie4 ,she remarked that the incident would serve as an excellent hint for a story4 ,this was the origin of ,gentleman ,jim1 the pathetic little tale published shortly after her death4 ,soon after her return from ,montreal she began painting in water-colors1 which afforded her much delight during the rest of her life4 ,the following note to ,mrs4 ,ellen ,s4 ,fisher1 of ,brooklyn1 dated ,july #b;d1 will show how her lessons were taken3 ,will you kindly inform me as to your method of teaching your system of water-colors by mail1 and as to terms4 ,i have not had time to do anything in that line1 as ,i had to go to ,canada 7by-the-bye1 you can get delightful ,chinese white paint there in tubes74 ,my daughter says she thinks she heard you say that you would paint a little flower-piece reasonably1 or perhaps you have one to spare now4 ,i should like a few wild flowers against a blue sky4 ,i got half a dozen ,parian vases at ,montreal--each a group of three--and filled with daisies and a few grasses1 they are exquisite4 ,some of them are in imitation of the hollow toadstools one finds in the woods4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,kauinfels1 ,july #bc1 #ahgg4 ,kauinfels is a word we invented1 after spending no little time1 by referring to a spot in a favorite brook as the place where the old cow fell in2 it looked so ,german and pleased us so much that we concluded to give our place that name4 ,we are fond of odd names4 ,we have a dog ,pharaoh and a horse ,shoo ,fly4 ,then we had ,shadrach1 ,meseck1 and ,abednego for cats4 ,we had a dog named ,penelope ,ann--a splendid creature1 but we had to part with her4 ,my ,bible-reading began two weeks ago1 and neither rain nor shine keeps people away4 ,for a small village the attendance is very large4 ,i do not know how much good they do1 but it is a comfort to try4 ,i can't get over ,miss ---'s tragical end4 ,she must have suffered dreadfully4 ,i do not doubt her present felicity1 nor that she counts her life on earth as anything more than a moment's space4 ,i do not feel sure that she did me any good4 ,i saw so much that was morbid when she visited me here1 that ,i never enjoyed her as ,i did when ,i knew her less4 ,but there is nothing morbid about her now4 ,to ,mrs4 ,james ,donaghe1 ,dorset1 ,aug4 #bj1 #ahgg4 ,yesterday was the first fine day we have had in a long time1 and1 as ,i sat enjoying it on the front porch1 how ,i wished ,i could transport you here and share these mountains with you6 ,to-day is equally fine1 and how gladly would ,i bottle it up and send it to you6 ,a score of times ,i have asked myself why ,i do not bring you here1 and then been reminded that you can not leave your husband4 ,i do not write many letters this summer4 ,we have three or four guests nearly all the time4 ,this uses up what little brain ,i have left1 and by half-past eight or nine ,i have to go to bed4 ,i am unusually well1 but work hard in the garden all the forenoon and get tired4 ,yesterday the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,reed1 of ,flushing1 preached a most impressive sermon on the denial of self4 ,in the afternoon he preached to a neighborhood meeting at his own house1 to which we three girls go1 namely1 ,m41 her friend ,hatty ,k41 and myself4 ,i give ,thursdays pretty much up to my ,bible-reading--studying for it in the morning and holding it at three in the afternoon4 ,utter unfitness for this or any other work for the ,master makes me very dependent on ,him4 ,the service is largely attended1 and how ,i get courage to speak to so many1 ,i know not4 ,illustration3 ,the ,dorset ,home4 ,a4 is gone to ,portland and ,prout's ,neck4 ,mr4 ,p4 is unusually well this summer1 and has actually worked a little in my garden4 ,he is going to ,saratoga this week to visit ,mrs4 ,bronson4444 ,m4 is a kind of supplement to her father2 ,i love in her what ,i love in him1 and she loves in me what he loves2 we never had a jar in our lives1 and are more like twin-sisters than mother and daughter4 ,hatty ,k4 is like a second ,m4 to me4 ,at this moment they are each painting a plate4 ,they work all the morning in the garden1 and in the afternoon sit in my room sewing for the poor like two ,dorcases1 or drive1 or row on the pond4 ,they also study their ,greek ,testament together like a pair of twins4 ,just here ,mr4 ,p4 came driving up to take me out to make calls4 ,we made three together1 and then ,i made three alone4 ,now we are going to have tea1 and should be glad if you could take it with us4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,kauinfels1 ,sept4 #ac1 #ahgg4 ,since you left1 ,i have been very busy in various ways2 among other things1 helping ,hatty collect her last trophies1 pack her various plants1 and the like4 ,then there is a woman1 close by1 who is very sick and very poor1 and the parson and his wife 7meaning himself and myself7 must needs pack a big basket of bread1 butter1 tea1 apples1 etc41 for her watchers and family1 with extract of beef for her4 ,that was real fun1 as you may suppose4 ,i mean to devote ,thursdays to such doings1 including the ,bible-readings4 ,i took for my ,bible-reading this afternoon1 the subject of confession of sin1 and should really like to know what perfectionists would say to the passages of ,scripture relating to it4 ,however1 ,i know they would explain them away or throw them under the table1 as they do all the ,bible says about the discipline of life4 ,our bad ,pharaoh lifted up his voice in every hymn at ,mrs4 ,reed's last ,sunday1 and little ,albert fairly shrieked with laughter4 ,if next ,sunday is pleasant we are to go to ,pawlet to preach4 ,good-night4 #ai ,to ,mrs4 ,fisher1 ,kauinfels1 ,sept4 #ae1 #ahgg4 ,excuse my keeping your pictures so long4 ,it is owing to my having so much company4 ,we feel it a duty to share our delightful home here with friends4 ,will you send me some more pictures1 and in your letter please tell me how to make the light-green in the large arbutus leaf2 ,i tried all sorts of experiments1 but failed to get such a toned-down tint4 ,my copy is pretty1 as ,i have improved a good deal on the whole2 but my work looks parvenu4 ,i had to use a powerful magnifying-glass to puzzle out your delicate touches1 and your work bore the test1 it is so well done4 ,my work1 viewed in the same way1 is horrid4 ,a4 has been to ,portland and found there some exquisite placques2 some of them of a very delicate cream color2 others of a least suspicion of pink4 ,she began to paint thorn apples on one2 but a day or two later1 found some of the foliage we had thrown away1 turned to most delicious browns2 so she painted the leaves in those shades1 only--and the effect is richly and gravely autumnal4 ,i hope your eyes are better4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,iv4 ,return to ,town4 ,recollections of this ,period4 ,ordinary ,christians and spiritual ,conflict4 ,a tired ,sunday ,evening4 ,we may make an ,idol of our ,joy4 ,publication of ,pemaquid4 ,kezia ,millet4 ,she returned to town early in ,october and began at once to prepare for the winter's work4 ,her industry was a marvel4 ,the following references to this period are from reminiscences1 written by her husband after her death3 ,she lost not a day1 scarcely an hour4 ,the next eight months were among the busiest of her life2 and in some respects1 ,i think1 they were also among the happiest4 ,she resumed her painting with new zeal and delight4 ,it was a never-failing resource1 when other engagements were over4 ,hour after hour1 day after day1 and week after week she would sit near the western window of her sunshiny chamber1 absorbed in this fascinating occupation4 ,rarely did ,i fail to find her there1 on going in to kiss her good-bye1 as ,i started for my afternoon lecture4 ,how often the scene comes back again6 ,were ,i myself a painter ,i could reproduce it to the life4 ,her posture and expression of perfect contentment1 her quick and eager movements1 all are as vividly present to my mind1 as if ,i saw and parted from her there yesterday6 ,one morning each week was devoted to her ,bible-reading2 the others1 when pleasant1 were generally spent in going down town with ,m4 in quest of painting materials1 shopping1 making calls1 etc41 etc4 ,she was much exercised in the early part of the winter by a burglary1 which robbed her of a beautiful ,french mantel clock given her on our silver wedding-day by a dear friend2 and by the loss of my watch1 stolen from me in the cars on my way home from the ,seminary--a beautiful watch with a chain made of her hair and that which once crowned little heads laid low4 ,she had ordered it of ,piguet1 when we were in ,geneva in #aheh1 and given it to me in memory of our marriage4 ,but her grief over the loss of the watch was small compared with mine1 then and even since4 ,what precious memories can become associated with such an object6 ,one of the books which she read during the winter was ,les ,miserables by ,victor ,hugo4 ,she read it in the original in a copy given her by ,miss ,woolsey4 ,she was quite captivated by this work1 and some of its most striking scenes and incidents she repeated to me1 during successive mornings1 before we got up4 ,her power of remembering and reproducing1 in all its details1 and with all the varying lights and shades1 any story which she had read was something almost incredible4 ,it always seemed to me like magic4 ,her father possessed the same power and perhaps she inherited it from him4 #bj ,the following letter will show that while her mind was still exercised about the doctrines taught by writers on the ,higher ,life and ,holiness through ,faith1 it was in the way of a deepening conviction that these doctrines are not in harmony with the teaching of ,scripture or with ,christian experience4 ,referring to some of these writers1 she says3 ,to a ,christian ,friend1 ,oct4 #ba1 #ahgg4 ,i have not only no unkind feeling towards them1 but have no doubt they have lived near to ,christ4 ,but this ,i believe to have been their state of mind for years1 though perhaps not consciously3 ,most ,christians are ordinary4 ,nearly all are a set of miserable doubters4 ,most of them believe the ,christian life a warfare4 ,most of them imagine it is also a state of discipline1 and make much of chastening1 even going so far as to thank ,god for ,his strokes of ,fatherly love6 ,strange love1 to be sure6 ,they also fancy they can work out their own salvation4 ,now we are not ordinary ,christians4 ,we understand ,god's ,word perfectly2 and when ,he says1 ,work out your own salvation1 ,he means nothing by it except this1 that ,he will work it in you to will and to do1 and you are to do nothing1 but let ,him thus work4 ,and furthermore1 we know ,his mind beyond dispute2 we can not err in judgment4 ,therefore1 if you doubt our doctrine1 it is the same as doubting ,god1 and you should fall on your knees and pray to read ,scripture as we do4 ,as to the ,christian life being a conflict1 why1 you ordinary ,christians are all wrong4 ,satan never tempts us1 though he tempted our ,lord2 it comes natural to us to go into ,canaan with one bound2 the old-fashioned saints were ridiculous in fighting the good fight of faith4 ,look at the characters in the ,bible1 resisting unto blood1 striving against sin2 what blunderers they were to do that6444 ,in our enlightened day nobody is chastened2 it used to be done to every son the ,father received and it was a token of ,his love4 ,he knows better now4 ,he chastens no one2 or if ,he does1 we will cover it up and ignore it2 religion is all rapture1 and this is not a scene of probation4 ,still if you insist that you have been smitten1 it only shows how very ordinary you are1 and how angry ,god is with you4 ,now you may ask why ,i have taken time to write this1 since you are not led away by these errors4 ,well1 they are pleasant and very plausible writers1 and it has puzzled me to learn just where they were wrong4 ,so ,i have been thinking aloud1 or thinking on paper1 and perhaps you may find one or more persons entangled in this attractive web1 and be able to help them out4 ,how a good man and a good woman ever fell into such mischievous mistakes1 ,i can not imagine4444 ,as to you and me1 ,i see nothing strange in the weaning from self ,god is giving us4 ,it is natural to believe that ,he weans us from the breast of comfort in which we had delighted1 because ,he has strong meat in store for us4 ,i know ,i was awfully selfish about my relation to ,christ1 and went about for years on tip-toe1 as it were1 for fear of disturbing and driving ,him away2 but ,i do not know that ,i should dare to live so again4 ,and how better can ,he show us our weakness than by making it plain that we1 who thought we were so strong in prayer1 are almost dumb before ,him6 ,my dear friend1 ,i believe more and more in the deep things of ,god4 ,,strength is born ,in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts1 ,not amid joy4 ,imagine soldiers getting ready for warfare1 being told by their commander that they had no need to drill1 and had nothing to do but drink nectar6 ,as to being brought low1 ,i will own that ,i have not been entirely left of ,god to my own devices and desires2 if ,i had been1 ,i should have gone overboard4 ,he had such a grip of me that ,he couldn't let go4 ,i saw a man apply a magnet to steel pens the other day1 and that's the way ,i clung to ,god2 there was no power in me to hold on1 the magnetism was in ,him1 and so ,i hung on4 ,wasn't it so with you8 ,and now to change the subject again2 if you have any faded ferns1 vines1 leaves on hand1 you can paint and make them beautiful again4 ,for a light wall1 paint them with ,caledonian brown1 and they will have a very rich effect4 ,i expect a patent-right for this invention4 ,the vivid sense of human weakness and of the sharp discipline of life1 which she expresses in this letter1 was deepened by hearing what a sea of trouble some of her friends had been suddenly engulphed in4 ,early in ,october she wrote to one of them3 ,for some time before ,i left ,dorset1 your image met me everywhere ,i went1 and ,i felt sure something was happening to you1 though not knowing whether you were enjoying or suffering4 ,and since then there has been nothing ,i could do for you but to pray that your faith may bear this test and that you may deeply realise that-- ,god is the refuge of ,his saints1 ,when storms of sharp distress invade4 ,the longer ,i live the more conscious ,i am of human frailty1 and of the constant1 overwhelming need we all have of ,god's grace4444 ,i can not but hope things will turn out better than they seem4 ,but if not1 there is ,god2 nothing of this sort can take ,him from you4 ,you have longed and prayed for holiness2 this fearful event may bring the blessing4 ,may ,god tenderly bless and keep you1 dear child4 ,but vivid as was her sense of human weakness and of the imperfections cleaving to the best of men1 while yet in the flesh1 she still held fast to the conviction1 uttered so often in ,urbane and ,his ,friends and in her other writings1 that it is the privilege of every disciple of ,jesus to attain1 by faith1 to high degrees of ,christian holiness1 and that1 too1 without consuming a whole lifetime in the process4 ,in a letter to a young friend she says3 ,your letter shows me that ,i have expressed my views very inadequately in ,urbane1 or that you have misunderstood what ,i have said there4444 ,there is a shorter way2 a better way2 ,god never meant us to spend a lifetime amid lumbering machinery by means of which we haul ourselves laboriously upward2 the work is ,his1 not ours1 and when ,i said ,i believed in holiness through faith1 ,i was not thinking of the book by that title1 but of utterances made by the ,church ages before its author saw the light of day4 ,we can not make ourselves holy4 ,we are born sinners4 ,a certain school believe that they are kept by the grace of ,god from all sin4 ,i do not say that they are not4 ,but ,i do say that ,i think it requires superhuman wisdom to know positively that one not only keeps all ,god's law1 but leaves no single duty undone4 ,think a minute4 ,law proceeds from an infinite mind2 can finite mind grasp it so as to know1 through its own consciousness1 that it comes up to this standard8 ,on the other hand1 ,i do believe that a way has been provided for us to be set free from an evil conscience2 that we may live in such integrity and uprightness as to be at peace with ,god2 not being afraid to let ,his pure eye range through and through us1 finding humanity and weakness1 but also finding something on which ,his eye can rest with delight--namely1 ,his own ,son4 ,every day ,i live ,i see that faith is my only hope1 as perhaps ,i never saw it before4444 ,read over again the experience of ,antiochus2 he got in early life what dear ,dr4 ---- only found on his deathbed1 and so may you4 ,to ,miss ,e4 ,a4 ,warner1 ,new ,york1 ,oct4 #bh1 #ahgg4 ,i am too tired on ,sunday evenings to find much profit in reading1 and have been sitting idle some minutes1 asking myself how ,i should spend the hour till bed-time1 if ,i could pick and choose among human occupations4 ,i decided that if ,i had just the right kind of a neighbor1 ,i should like to have her come in1 or if there was the right kind of a little prayer-meeting round the corner1 ,i would go to that4 ,then ,i concluded to write to you1 in answer to your letter of ,july #bd4 ,i write few letters during the summer1 because it seems a plain duty to keep out of doors as much as ,i possibly can2 then we have company all the time1 and they require about all the social element there is in me4 ,we feel that we owe it to ,him who gives us our delightful home to share it with others1 especially those who get no mountain breezes save through us2 of some ,i must pay travelling expenses1 or they can not come at all4 ,their enjoyment is sufficient pay4 ,my ,bible-reading takes all the time of two days not spent in outdoor exercise1 as ,i have given up almost everything of help in preparation for it but that which is given me in answer to prayer and study of the ,word4 ,i am kept1 to use a homely expression1 with my nose pretty close to the grindstone2 in other words1 am kept low and little4 ,but ,god blesses the work exactly as if ,i were a better woman4 ,sometimes ,i think how poor ,he must be to use such instruments as ,he does4 ,how is the niece you spoke of as so ill and so happy8 ,for my part ,i am confounded when ,i see people hurt and distressed when invited home4 ,how a loving ,father must feel when ,his children shrink back crying1 ,i have so much to live for6 or1 in other words1 so little to die for4 ,it frightens me sometimes to recall such cases4 ,and now ,i am going to tote my old head to bed4 ,it is #ei years old and has to go early4 ,to ,mrs4 ,fisher1 ,oct4 #ca1 #ahgg4 ,with young children1 and artistic work to do1 the wonder is not that you have to neglect other things1 but that you ever find time to attend to any one outside of house and home4 ,i do not want you to make a care and trouble of me2 ,i feel it a privilege to try even to copy anything from your hand1 and am willing to bide my time4 ,it is shocking to think of your summer's work being burned up2 no money can compensate for such a loss--,i hate to think of it4 ,i have had your landscape framed1 and it is the finest thing in the house4 ,nov4 #ith4--,i have your apple-blossoms ready to mail with this4 ,i found the subject very difficult1 and at one time thought ,i should have to give it up2 but your directions are so clear and to the point that ,i have succeeded in getting a picture we all think pretty1 though wanting in the tender grace of yours4 ,the picture1 which is a gentle blaze of beauty1 has just reached me4 ,we have had burglars in the house1 and one of my songs of praise is that they did not take the little gem ,i got from you last summer4 ,glad you are a woman and not all artist4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,nov4 #bd1 #ahgg ,as to the running fern1 ,i paint it the color of black walnut1 and round placques it looks like carving4 ,emerald green ,i hate1 but it is a popular color1 and ,a4 was obliged to put it into the flower pictures she painted on portfolios4 ,i am glad you are still interested in your painting4 ,i have just finished the second reading of ,miss ,smiley's book1 and marked passages which ,i am sure you will like4 ,i will mail my copy to you4 ,as to joy--the fruits of the ,spirit come naturally to those in the ,spirit1 and joy is one4 ,but we may make an idol of our joy1 and so have to part with it4 ,there may come a period when ,god says1 virtually1 to the soul1 ,you clung to ,me when ,i smiled upon and caressed you2 let ,me see how you will behave when ,i smile and speak comfortably no more4 ,fenelon says1 ,to be constantly in a state of enjoyment that takes away the feeling of the cross1 and to live in a fervor of devotion that keeps ,paradise constantly open--this is not dying upon the cross and becoming nothing4 #ba ,when ,i look at the subject at a distance1 as it were1 remembering that this life is mere preparation for the next1 it seems likely that we shall have religious as well as other discipline2 if we ascend the mount of ,transfiguration it is not that we may dwell there1 though it is natural to wish we could4 ,and the fact is1 no matter what professions of rapture people make1 if they believe in ,christ and love ,him as they ought to do1 what they have enjoyed will be nothing when compared with going to live with ,him forever1 surrounded by sanctified beings all united in adoring ,him4 ,when ,i think of this my courage grows apace1 and ,i say to myself1 ,i may never live in heaven again here below2 but ,i certainly shall1 above2 and can't ,i be patient till then8 ,i wonder if you know that ,i am going to begin a ,bible-reading on the first ,wednesday in ,december8 ,i have a very kind letter from ,mr4 ,peter ,carter1 who says ,kezia would make the fortune of any book4 ,kezia is one of the characters in ,pemaquid2 or1 a ,story of ,old ,times in ,new ,england1 then recently published4 ,she had written it with indescribable ease and pleasure1 to use her own words1 mostly during the previous ,january4 ,the pictures of ,new ,england life--especially its religious life--in old times are vivid and faithful2 and the character of ,kezia ,millet for originality1 quiet humor1 and truth to nature1 surpasses any other in her writings1 with the exception1 perhaps1 of ,aunt ,avery in ,fred and ,maria and ,me4 ,the following is an extract from a letter of ,mr4 ,hallock1 the publisher of ,the ,christian at ,work1 dated ,aug4 #be1 #ahgg1 in which he begged her to gratify its readers by telling them more about ,ruth and ,juliet4 ,she accordingly added some pages to the last chapter1 although not quite enough to satisfy the curiosity about ,juliet3 ,let me express to you my personal thanks for your most excellent serial4 ,i feel that it has done a real good to thousands4 ,you need to be placed in my position1 receiving hundreds of letters daily from your readers1 to be able to fully appreciate how intensely interested they are in the story4 ,it does not seem to satisfy them to feel assured of ,ruth's marriage1 but they want to be there and see it4 ,juliet1 too1 is not with them1 as with you1 a mere impersonation1 but a living reality1 and they will never rest till they hear from her4 ,if ,i was a betting man ,i would bet five to one that what your husband struck out1 is just exactly what is wanted4 ,what do we men know about such things1 anyhow8 ,a lady friend1 well qualified to judge1 writes to her3 ,i have read ,pemaquid1 and have laughed till ,i cried1 then cried and laughed together4 ,in my humble opinion it is the brightest book you have written4 ,you know how to make a saint and how to make a sinner4 ,as for old ,kezia ,millet1 with her great loving heart1 if she is not a model of ,christian consistency and a natural born poet1 where will you find one8 ,she is perfectly fascinating4 ,how do you keep your wit so ready and so bright8 ,i suppose you'll answer1 by using it4 ,the chapter which contains ,mrs4 ,woodford's interview with ,rev4 ,mr4 ,strong 7the dear old saint7 in her penitential mood1 is very1 very admirable4 ,to ,mrs4 ,george ,payson1 ,dec4 #bj1 #ahgg4 ,before the year quite departs1 ,i must tell you1 my dear ,margaret1 how glad ,i am that you appreciate my dear1 good bad ,kezia4 ,it is nineteen years since ,i read ,adam ,bede1 but ,i remember ,mrs4 ,poysen in general4 ,kezia is not an imitation of her2 the main points of her character were written out long before ,adam ,bede appeared2 ,i destroyed the book in which ,i trotted her out1 but kept her1 and once in a while tried her on my husband1 but as he did not seem to see it1 put her away in her green box1 biding my time4 ,as to ,juliet1 my good man loathes so to read about bad people that he almost made me cut out all my last mention of her4 ,i was in an unholy frame when ,i did it1 and with reason1 for they who like ,pemaquid best1 say it was a mistake not to dispose of her in some way4 ,but as to ,mrs4 ,woodford being a model mother1 ,i did not aim to make her a model anything4 ,all ,i wanted of her was to bring out the ,new ,england pecularities as they would appear to a worldly stranger4 ,as to all parties seeming indifferent about ,juliet1 you may be right2 ,i was behind the scenes and knew they were not2 but as ,i say1 what ,i thought the best part of her1 ,george made me cut out4 ,no1 ,i never knew any one sing exactly like ,kezia1 but there are such cases on record4 ,there was the ,singing ,cobbler1 whose wife complained of him in court1 and he defended himself so wittily in verse1 that everybody sided with him1 and his wife forgave his offence1 whatever it might be4 #bb #a ,the following is the passage referred to3 ,if you aspire to be a son of consolation2 if you would partake of the priestly gift of sympathy2 if you would pour something beyond commonplace consolation into a tempted heart2 if you would pass through the intercourse of daily life with the delicate tact that never inflicts pain2 if to that most acute of human ailments--mental doubt1 you are ever to give effectual succor1 you must be content to pay the price of the costly education4 ,like ,him1 you must suffer1 being tempted4 #b ,by the late ,rev4 ,william ,james1 ,d4,d4 #c ,see appendix ,g1 p4#eeg4 #d ,then pastor of the ,collegiate ,reformed ,church1 ,fifth avenue and ,forty-eighth street1 now of ,brooklyn4 #e ,account of the ,union ,meeting for the ,promotion of ,scriptural ,holiness1 held at ,oxford1 ,august #bi to ,september #g1 #ahgd4 #f ,account of the ,union ,meeting for the ,promotion of ,scriptural ,holiness1 held at ,oxford1 ,august #bi to ,september #g1 #ahgd4 ,p4 #ei4 #g ,,griselda2 ,a ,dramatic ,poem in ,five ,acts4 ,translated from the ,german of ,,friederich ,,halm 7,baron ,mnch-,bellinghausen71 by ,mrs4 ,e4 ,prentiss4 #h ,how glad ,i was to see ,griselda's fair face6 ,she is a gem1 and ,i am sure will prove a blessing as she moves about the world in her nobleness and purity1 so exceedingly womanly and winning4 ,the book is full of poetry1 and held me spell-bound to the close4 ,it is very musical1 too1 in its rich1 pure ,english4 ,i don't know how much of its poetic charm lies in the original or in your rendering1 but as it is1 it is just lovely1 as the girls say4--,letter from ,miss ,warner4 #i ,in a letter written in #ahgi1 just after a visit to ,dorset1 ,dr4 ,hamlin thus refers to them3 ,now that ,i have seen again those lights and shadows of the ,green ,mountains1 as they lie around your ,dorset home1 ,i must tell you why they awakened such deep emotions4 ,forty-one years ago ,i was married to ,miss ,henrietta ,jackson1 the youngest daughter of the venerated and beloved pastor of ,dorset1 and we left that lovely valley for our oriental home4 ,i had heard from her lips a glowing description of the magic work of light and shade upon those uplands and heights that lie west of the valley1 before ,i had seen the place4 ,the first morning of my first visit ,i recognised the truth and accuracy of her description1 and was forced to confess that1 although ,i had always admired cloud-shadows1 ,i had never seen them in such rich display and constant recurrence4 ,there were certain days1 which we called field-days1 when all their resources were called out1 and they seemed hurrying in swift battalions to some great contest or grand coronation scene4 ,but at other times they rested in calm repose as though the pulse of nature had ceased to beat444 ,in our home upon the ,bosphorus we were sometimes reminded of these scenes of her native valley4 ,when1 occasionally1 the ,black ,sea clouds floated down in broken masses1 and floods of light here and there poured through the darkly shadowed landscape1 lighting up fragments of hill and vale to the very summits of ,alem ,dagh1 her soul took flight to her beloved ,dorset and all other thoughts vanished4 #aj ,on hearing of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' death1 the poor1 homeless fellow wrote to her husband a touching letter of sympathy4 ,the following is an extract from it3 ,it was1 ,i must acknowledge1 a cherished desire of your dear departed lady that ,i should walk in the footsteps of the ,lord ,jesus1 and1 to obtain that grace1 ,i must invoke ,god's ,power that ,i may accomplish that great ,result4 ,dear sir1 ,i would like to suggest to you that ,i am disgusted with a wandering life2 would like to see ,dorset next ,summer and look on the grave of my greatest friend4 ,nothing could give me greater ,pleasure than to be under the ,influence of your ,christian family2 now1 if ,i had any ,employment1 no matter how simple1 in that locality for the winter1 then ,i would feel ,happy to go next season to your country ,residence and offer my services free4 #aa ,meeta ,sophia ,schaff died ,july #ad1 #ahgf1 in the twenty-first year of her age4 ,she had just returned from the ,centennial4 ,she was a young lady of unusual loveliness of character1 and was deeply lamented by a wide circle of friends1 both young and old4 #ab ,a printed copy of ,lines on her ,golden ,wedding1 written by ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 #ac ,the article is entitled ,educated while ,educating1 and appeared in the ,brooklyn ,journal of ,education for ,march1 #ahge4 #ad ,the ,rev4 ,c4 ,h4 ,payson4 ,see the interesting ,memoir of him1 entitled ,all for ,christ1 edited by his brother ,george1 and published by the ,american ,tract ,society4 #ae ,see ,,henry ,,boynton ,,smith2 ,his ,life and ,work4 ,edited by his ,wife4 ,a4 ,c4 ,armstrong ,son4 #ahhj4 #af ,his biographer1 ,mr4 ,moore1 relates of ,lord ,byron that in all the plenitude of his fame1 he confessed that the depreciation of the lowest of mankind was more painful to him than the applause of the highest was pleasing4 #ag ,peterchen and ,gretchen4 ,she translated it at ,genevrier during the illness of her children4 #ah ,dr4 ,gurdon ,buck4 ,he died shortly afterwards4 ,for more than a quarter of a century be had been a faithful friend of ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 and as their family physician had made both her and her husband his debtors alike by his kindness and his skill4 ,with a generosity so characteristic of his profession1 he refused1 during all these years1 to receive any compensation for his services4 ,as a surgeon he stood in the front rank2 some of the operations1 performed by him1 attracted wide attention for then--novelty and usefulness4 ,he published an account of them1 with illustrations1 which greatly interested ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,she was almost as fond of reading about remarkable eases in surgery as about remarkable criminal trials4 ,dr4 ,buck was one of the founders and first ruling elders of the ,church of the ,covenant4 ,his gratuitous labors in connection with the ,new ,york ,hospital and other public institutions were very great4 ,he was a man of solid worth1 modest1 upright1 and devoted to his ,lord and ,master4 #ai ,one of my brightest recollections of this season at ,dorset is our last ,sunday before returning to town4 ,we went in the phaeton to ,pawlet1 where ,i preached for the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,aiken4 ,the morning was pleasant1 the road lay through a lovely mountain valley1 and the beauty of nature was made perfect by the sweet ,sabbath stillness2 and our thoughts were in unison with the scene and the day4 ,i preached on ,rest in ,christ1 and the service was very comforting to us both4 ,how well ,i recall the same drive and a similar service early in ,september of #ahgf1 when prayer was my theme6 ,what sweet talks and sweeter fellowship we had together by the way1 going and coming6--,recollections of #ahgg-h4 #bj ,recollections of #ahgf-g #ba ,better is it sometimes to go down into the pit with him1 who beholding darkness and bewailing the loss of consolation1 crieth from the bottom of the lowest hell1 ,my ,god1 my ,god1 why hast ,thou forsaken me8 than continually to walk arm in arm with angels1 to sit1 as it were1 in ,abraham's bosom1 and to have no thought1 no cogitation but this1 ',i thank my ,god it is not with me as it is with other men4'--,,hooker4 #bb ,a list of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' writings1 with brief notices of some of them1 will be found at the end of the appendix1 p4 #efh4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,forever ,,with ,,the ,,lord4 #ahgh4 ,but a bound into home immortal1 ,and blessed1 blessed years4 ,i4 ,enters upon her last ,year on ,earth4 ,a ,letter about ,the ,home at ,greylock4 ,her ,motive in writing ,books4 ,visit to the ,aquarium4 ,about ,worry4 ,her ,painting4 ,saturday ,afternoons with her4 ,what she was to her ,friends4 ,resemblance to ,madame de ,broglie4 ,recollections of a ,visit to ,east ,river4 ,a ,picture of her by an old ,friend4 ,goes to ,dorset4 ,second ,advent ,doctrine4 ,last ,letters4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss crossed the threshold of her last year on earth with hands and thoughts still unusually busied4 ,her weekly ,bible-reading1 painting in oils and in water-colors1 needle-work1 and other household duties1 left her no idle moment4 ,my fire is so full of irons1 she wrote1 that ,i do not know which one to take out4 ,nor was her heart less busy than her hands and brain4 ,twice in ,january1 once in ,february1 and again in ,april1 death invaded the circle of her friends2 and when her friends were in trouble she was always in trouble1 too4 #a ,these deaths led to earnest talk with her husband on the mystery of earthly existence1 and on the power of faith in ,christ to sustain the soul in facing its great trials4 ,i am filled with ever fresh wonder at this amazing power1 she said4 ,such subjects always interested her deeply2 never more so than at this time1 when1 although she knew it not1 her feet were drawing so near to the pearly gates4 ,the keynote of her being throughout this last winter was one of unwonted seriousness4 ,a certain startling intensity of thought and feeling showed itself every now and then4 ,it was painfully evident that she was under a severe strain1 both physical and mental4 ,again and again1 as spring advanced1 the anxiety of her husband was aroused to the highest pitch by what seemed to him indications that the unresting1 ever-active spirit was fast wearing away the frail body4 ,at times1 too1 there was a light in her eye and in her face an unearthly1 absolutely angelic expression--to use her own words about her little ,bessie1 six and twenty years before--that filled him with a strange wonder1 and which1 after her departure1 he often recalled as prophetic of the coming event and the glory that should follow4 ,but while to his ear an undertone of unusual seriousness1 deepening ever and anon into a strain of the sweetest tenderness and pathos1 ran through her life during all these early months of #ahgh1 there was little change in its outward aspect4 ,she was often gay and full as ever of bright1 playful fancies4 ,never busier1 so was she never more eager to be of service to her friends--and never was she more loving to her children1 or more thoughtful of their happiness4 ,she proposed for their gratification and advantage to write four new books1 one for each of them1 provided only they and their father would furnish her with subjects4 ,the plan seemed to please her greatly1 and1 had she been spared1 would probably have been carried into effect--for it was just the sort of stimulus she needed to set her mind in action4 ,once furnished with a subject1 her pen1 as has been said before1 always moved with the utmost ease and rapidity4 ,but while she wrote very easily1 she did not write without reflection4 ',she had a keen sense of character in all its phases1 and her individual portraits1 like those of ,katy1 ,mrs4 ,grey and ,margaret1 ,aunt ,avery and ,kezia ,millet1 were worked out with the utmost care1 the result of years of observation and study being embodied in them4 ,and here1 in passing1 it may not be out of place to dwell for an instant upon her motives and experience as an author4 ,from first to last she wrote1 not to get gain or to win applause1 but to do good2 and herein she had her reward1 good measure1 pressed down and running over4 ,but of that kind of reward which gratifies literary taste and ambition1 she had almost none4 ,her books1 even those most admired by the best judges1 and which had the widest circulation1 both at home and abroad1 attracted but little attention from the press4 ,the organs of literary intelligence and criticism scarcely noticed them at all4 ,nor is it known that any attempt was ever made to analyse any of her more striking characters1 or to point out the secret of her power and success as a writer4 ,to be sure1 she had never sought or counted upon this sort of recognition2 and yet that she was keenly alive to a word of discriminating praise1 will appear from a letter to ,mrs4 ,condict1 dated ,jan4 #bjth3 ,the burglary was on this wise1 as far as we know4 ,one man stood on the front steps1 and another slipped the hasp to one of the parlor windows1 stepped in1 took a very valuable ,french clock1 given me on my silver- wedding day1 and all the hats and overcoats from the hall4 ,this was all they had time to do before our night-watchman came round2 they left the window wide open1 and at #d ,a4,m4 ,pat rang the bell and informed ,mr4 ,prentiss that such was the case4 ,we feel it a great mercy that we were not attacked and maltreated4 ,poor ,a4 was sitting up in bed1 hearing what was going on1 but being alone on the third floor1 did not dare to move4 ,i have just finished a short story called ,gentleman ,jim1 which ,i am going to send to ,scribner's2 very likely it will get overlooked and lost4 ,i received1 not long ago1 a letter from ,mr4 ,cady #b about ,greylock1 which he had just read4 ,it was a gratification to both my husband and myself1 as the most discriminating letter ,i ever received2 and after the first rush of pleasure1 the ,evil ,one troubled me1 off and on1 for two or three hours1 but at last ,i reminded him that ,i long ago chose to cast in my lot with the people of ,god1 and so be off the line of human notice or applause1 and that ,i was glad ,i had been enabled to do it1 since literary ambition is unbecoming a ,christian woman4 ,there are #ejj other things ,i should say1 if you were here6 ,the following is a part of the letter referred to3 ,the day after ,new ,year's ,i was visited with a severe cold and general prostration that has kept me in my bed--giving me time6 ,as soon as ,i was strong enough to read ,i had ,the ,home brought4 ,after reading it ,i felt ,i ought to tell you how deeply ,i was impressed with the usefulness1 excellence1 and spirit of the book4 ,as to its usefulness1 you are to be envied2 to have brought light1 as ,i believe you have1 to a large number of people upon the most precious and vital interests of life1 is something worth living and suffering for4 ,the good sense1 wisdom1 experience1 and ,christian faith embodied in it must make it a strong helper and friend to many a home in trouble and to many perplexed and discouraged hearts1 who will doubtless rise up some day to call you blessed4 ,though you cared less about the manner than the matter1 ,i was impressed by its literary qualities4 ,the scene at the death of ,mrs4 ,grey and parting of herself and ,margaret is as highly artistic and beautiful as anything ,i can think of4 ,the contrast of good and bad1 or good and indifferent1 is common enough2 but the contrast of what is noble and what is saintly is something infinitely higher and subtler4 ,i can't imagine anything more exquisitely tender and beautiful than ,mrs4 ,grey's departure1 but it is the more realised by the previous action of ,margaret4 ,the few lines in which this is told bring their whole character--in each case--vividly before you4 ,but ,i see that if the book had previously to this point been differently written it would have been impossible to have rendered this scene so remarkably impressive4 ,the story of ,eric is extremely quaint and charming2 it is a vein ,i am not familiar with in your writings4 ,it is a little classic4 ,this quaint child's story and the death of ,mrs4 ,grey affect me as a fine work of art affects one1 whenever ,i recall them4 ,the trite saying is still true1 ,a thing of beauty is a joy forever4 ,you know children complain of some sweets that they leave a bad taste--and works of fiction often do with me4 ,i feel tired and dissatisfied after ,i have passed out of their excitements2 but the heavenly atmosphere of this book left me better2 ,i know that the ,blessed ,spirit must have influenced you in the writing of it1 and ,i doubt not ,his blessing will accompany its teachings4 ,now will you excuse this blotty letter--written in bed--and accept my thanks for all the good your book has done me4 ,the following is her reply3 ,,dear ,,mr4 ,,cady3--,your letter afforded me more satisfaction than ,i know how to explain4 ,it is true that ,i made up my mind1 as a very young girl1 to keep out of the way of literary people1 so as to avoid literary ambition4 ,nor have ,i regretted that decision4 ,yet the human nature is not dead in me1 and my instincts still crave the kind of recognition you have given me4 ,i have had heaps of letters from all parts of this country1 ,england1 ,scotland1 ,ireland1 ,germany1 and ,switzerland1 about my books1 till ,i have got sick and tired of them4 ,and the reason ,i tired of them was1 that in most cases there was no discrimination4 ,people liked their religious character1 and of course ,i wanted them to do so4 ,but you appreciate and understand everything in ,greylock1 and have1 therefore1 gratified my husband and myself4 ,not a soul out of this house1 for instance1 has ever so much as alluded to my little ,eric1 except one friend who said1 ,we thought that part of the book forced1 and supposed ,a4 wrote it4 ,nobody has ever alluded to ,margaret1 save yourself4 ,i hoped a sequel to the book might be called for1 when ,i meant to elaborate her character4 ,still1 it would have been very hard4444 ,i am not sorry that ,i chose the path in life ,i did choose4 ,a woman should not live for1 or even desire1 fame4 ,this is yet more true of a ,christian woman4 ,if ,i had not steadily suppressed all such ambition1 ,i might have become a sour1 disappointed woman1 seeing my best work unrecognised4 ,but it has been my wish to ,dare to be little and unknown1 ,seen and loved by ,god alone4 ,your letter for a few hours1 did stir up what ,i had always trampled down2 but only for that brief period1 and then ,i said to myself1 ,god has only taken me at my word2 ,i have asked ,him1 a thousand times1 to make me smaller and smaller1 and crowd the self out of me by taking up all the room ,himself4 ,there is so much of that work yet to be done1 that ,i wonder ,he ventures to make so many lines fall to me in pleasant places1 and that ,i have such a goodly heritage4 ,i trust ,he will bless you for your labor of love to me4 ,i do not like the idea of your buying my books4 ,greylock being for mothers1 ,i never dreamed of men reading it4 ,have you had ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told1 ,six ,little ,princesses1 ,the ,little ,preacher1 and ,nidworth8 ,neither of these is really a child's book1 and the next time you are sick1 if you have not read them1 ,i shall love to send them to you4 ,if this is conceit1 ,i have the effrontery not to be a mite ashamed of it6 ,the following notes to ,mrs4 ,fisher show how pleasantly she sympathised with her teacher as a young mother1 while taking lessons of and admiring her as an artist3 ,,new ,,york1 ,february #d1 #ahgh4 ,what a relief to have the days come long again6 ,on ,saturday ,i found in ,a4's portfolio a study you lent her2 exquisite ferns behind the fallen trunk of a tree1 and a tiny group of orange-colored toad-stools4 ,i will send it with its two lovely sisters1 when ,i get through with them4 ,i wish you could get time to come to see me1 or that ,i could get time to go to see you4 ,but it is my unlucky nature to have a great many irons in the fire at once4 ,i am glad your baby keeps well1 and hope he will grow up to be a great comfort to you4 ,feb4 #bc;d4--,i have just received your letter4 ,i have my hands full and there is no need to hurry you4 ,as to worry not being of faith1 ,i do not suppose it is4 ,but a young mother can not be all faith4 ,i do not envy people who love so lightly that they have no wringing out of the heart when they lose their dear ones2 nor can ,i understand her who says she can sit and read the newspaper1 while her babies are crying4 ,none are so old as they who have outlived enthusiasm2 and who should be enthusiastic if a mother may not8 ,i don't think ,god has laid it up against me that ,i nearly killed myself for the sake of my babies1 because when ,he took two away within three months of each other1 my faith in ,him did not falter4444 ,dear ,mrs4 ,fisher1 if you love ,god nothing but ,his best things will ever come to you4 ,this is the experience of a very young1 old woman1 and ,i hope it will comfort you4 ,april #bast4--,such a fight as ,i have had with your exquisite studies1 and how ,i have been beaten6 ,i failed entirely in the golden-rod1 and do not get the brilliant yellow of the mullein flower2 one could not easily fail on the saggitarius1 and the clover was tolerable4 ,i think ,i will take no more lessons at present1 as ,i have much to do in getting another boy fitted for college4 ,after ,i get settled at ,dorset ,i want to make a desperate effort to paint from nature1 and if ,i have any success1 send to you for criticism4 ,fools rush in where angels fear to tread1 and ,i am afraid you will be disgusted with my work1 which will be in the dark1 since ,i have had no instruction in copying nature4444 ,perhaps you may put alongside of the rejection of your picture a lady's telling me about one of my books into which ,i had thrown an experience of the last thirty years of my life1 ,there was nothing in it4 ,il faut souffrir pour etre belle4 ,as long as memory lasts ,i shall rejoice that ,i have seen and studied your work4 ,i remember what a splendid fellow your baby was a year ago4 ,it will depend on your maternal prayers and discipline whether he grows up to be your comfort4 ,a few extracts from her letters will give further glimpses of the manner in which she passed these closing months of her life in ,new ,york-- especially of her delight in the weekly ,bible-reading4 ,one of the ladies who attended it1 thus refers to that exercise3 ,you remember that for one or two years she was a member of a small circle1 that met weekly for ,bible-study4 ,when the leader of this circle removed from the city1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss was urgently requested to become its teacher1 and she consented to do so4 ,for the last four years of her life she threw her whole soul into this exercise4 ,every week the appointed morning found her surrounded by a little group of from eight to fifteen1 each with an open ,bible and all intent less to analyse the word of ,god than to feed upon it and grow thereby4 ,and what a wonderful teacher she was6 ,not neglectful of any helps that dictionary or commentator might give1 her chief source of light was none of these1 but was received in answer to the promise1 ,if any man will do the will of ,god he shall know of the doctrine4 ,she wished the service to be entirely informal1 and that each one present should do her part to aid in the study4 ,this brought out diverse views and different standards of opinion4 ,here her keen intellect1 her warm heart1 the rich stores of her experience and her sanctified common sense all found play1 and many of the words that fell from her lips dwell in the memory as little less than inspired4 ,the last winter of this service showed some marked differences from previous years4 ,as eager as ever to have questions asked and answered by others1 yet from the moment she commenced to speak she scarcely paused till the hour was finished1 her eyes sparkling and her whole manner intensely earnest4 ,often those words of the ,psalmist passed through my mind1 ,the zeal of ,thy house hath eaten me up4 ,her love for her work and zeal in doing it were visibly consuming her4 ,at the last meeting ,i asked her if she should commence the ,bible-reading at ,dorset immediately4 ,she said no1 she must rest a little2 she would wait till her garden was made4 ,when next ,i heard from her flowers and her ,bible-study she had made the bound into home immortal4 ,and all who loved her must rejoice with her2 else have we failed to learn one of the clearest lessons of her life3 ,for me to live is ,christ1 and to die is gain4 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,feb4 #ad1 #ahgh4 ,is it possible ,i had portire on the brain when ,i wrote you last8 ,i thought ,i had just caught the disease4 ,i am very fond of needle-work1 but for years have nearly abandoned it1 because ,i could not thread my needle4 ,but the portire is made with a large worsted needle and will give me pleasant work for the evening4 ,i am getting my hand in on a contumacious closet door that won't stay open in my bedroom4444 ,imitation ,macaroni1 ,by the author of ,pemaquid3 ,boil hominy overnight4 ,next day's dinner prepare like macaroni1 with a little milk and grated cheese and bake4 ,good for a change and cheaper4 ,march #ith4--,what an improvement on the old fashion of reading the ,bible is the present search of the ,word6 ,it is1 as you say1 fascinating work4 ,i have just given ,m4 an admirable book called ,emphatic ,diaglott1 being the ,greek ,testament with a literal translation2 still even that can be misunderstood by one who has a false theory to sustain4 ,the spiritual conflicts ,i have passed through have been a blessing1 as ,i am beginning to see2 ,i can understand better how such conflicts may prepare one for work4 ,this afternoon ,i have1 as usual1 been getting ready for the ,wednesday reading1 and as ,i was requested to speak of the ,holy ,spirit1 have been poring over the ,bible and am astonished at the frequency and variety of passages in which ,he is spoken of4 ,but ,i feel painfully unfit to guide even this little circle of women1 and would be so glad to sit as a learner4 ,some of the children were going1 last ,friday night1 to see the ,aquarium1 and some educated horses and dogs there1 and they persuaded me to go4 ,the performance was wonderful1 but ,i could not help thinking of all these poor animals had gone through in learning all these incredible feats2 each horse responding to his own name1 each dog barking in response to his2 two dogs hanging a third1 cutting him down1 when he lay apparently dead1 other dogs driving in1 in a cart1 and carrying away the body2 others waltzing on their hind legs1 and others jumping the rope4 ,two horses played see-saw1 and one rolled a barrel up an inclined plane with his fore legs2 he hated to do it4 ,but the marvellous fishes and sea-flowers charmed me most4 ,to ,mrs4 ,reed1 ,new ,york1 ,march #ac1 #ahgh4 444 ,i have had a busy winter4 ,we had a variety of losses1 and ,i undertook1 therefore1 to manufacture ,reed1 most of my ,christmas gifts1 which were1 chiefly1 umbrella racks2 this took time4 ,then my ,bible-reading uses up pretty much one day4 ,i never felt so unfit for it1 or more determined to keep it up as long as one would come4 ,besides that1 ,i have read and painted more or less and sewed a good deal2 on the whole1 have had more vacation than work1 at least one looking on would say so4 ,but we all lead two lives1 and one of them is penetrated and understood by no mortal eye4 ,i heard such a sermon from ,dr4 ,bevan last ,sunday night on the text1 ,they saw ,god and did eat and drink4 ,he divided mankind into four classes3 ,those who do eat and drink and do not see ,god2 those who do not see ,him and do not eat and drink2 those who see ,him and do not eat and drink 7he handled them tenderly72 and those who see ,him and yet eat and drink4 ,i hope ,i have made its outline plain to you4 ,it took hold of me4 ,to ,mrs4 ,donaghe1 ,new ,york1 ,april #bf1 #ahgh4 ,i am living my life among breakings-up2 you gone1 ,mrs4 ,smith about to flee to ,northampton1 and our neighbor ,miss ,w4 storing her furniture and probably leaving ,new ,york for good4 ,on the other hand1 ,m4 spends most of her time in helping ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,talbot get to rights in apartments they have just taken4 ,mr4 ,t41 as ,i suppose you know1 is pastor of our ,mission and as good as gold4 ,god has been pleased greatly to bless two ladies1 who attend the ,bible-reading1 and ,i am sure ,he loves to have us study ,his ,word4 ,the more ,i dig into it the richer ,i find it1 and ,i have had some delightful hours this winter in preparing for my ,wednesday work4 ,there is to be a ,women's ,exchange in this city1 where everything manufactured by them 7except underclothing7 will be exposed for sale2 embroidery1 pickles1 preserves1 confectionery1 and articles rejected by the ,society of ,decorative ,art4 ,i hope it will be a success1 and help many worthy women1 all over the land1 to help themselves4444 ,i find it hard to consent to your having1 at your age1 to flit about from home to home1 but a loving ,father has a mansion for you beyond all the changes and chances of this strange complicated life4 ,if ,he gives you ,his presence1 that will be a home4 ,i wish you could visit us at ,dorset4 ,a visit to ,dorset was afterward arranged1 and one of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' last letters was addressed to this old friend1 giving her directions how to get there4 #c ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,new ,york1 ,may #f1 #ahgh4 ,my last ,bible-reading1 or rather one of the last1 was on prayer2 as ,i could not do justice to it in one reading1 ,i concluded to make a resum of the whole subject4 ,though ,i devoted all the readings to this topic last summer1 yet it loomed up wonderfully in this resum4 ,last week the subject was the precious blood of ,christ1 and in studying up the word precious ,i lighted on these lovely verses1 ,deut4 xxxiii4 #ac-af4 ,since ,i began to study the ,bible1 it often seems like a new book4 ,and that passage thrilled the ladies1 as a novelty4 ,i am to have but one more reading4 ,the last sermon ,i heard was on lying4 ,that is not one of my besetting sins1 but1 on the other hand1 ,i push the truth too far1 haggling about evils better let alone4 ,a4 has just finished a splendid placque to order2 a ,japanese figure1 with exquisite foliage in black and grey as background4 ,i have a widow lady every ,saturday to paint with me2 she has a large family1 limited means1 and delicate health2 and ,i want to aid her all ,i can4 ,she enjoys these afternoons so much1 and is doing so well4 ,the lady herself thus recalls these afternoons3 ,how dearly ,i should love to add but one little flower to her wreath of immortelles6 ,i cherish memories of her as among the pleasantest of my life4 ,i recall her room so bright and cheery1 just like herself1 and all the incidents of those ,saturday afternoons4 ,when she first asked me to paint with her1 ,i thought it very kind1 but with her multiplicity of cares1 felt it must be burdensome to her1 and that possibly she would even forget the invitation1 and so ,i hesitated about going4 ,but when the week came round everything was made ready to give me a cordial welcome4 ,again and again ,i found my chair1 palette and other materials waiting for me1 while she sat in her little nook1 busy as a bee over some painting of her own4 ,one day1 passing about the room1 ,i saw on her book-shelves1 arranged with order and precision1 nine little butter plates in the form of pansies4 ,i uttered an exclamation of delight1 and she from her corner1 with the artlessness of a child1 said1 ,i put them there for you to see4 ,another time she sprang up with her quick1 light step1 and ran to the yard to fetch a flower for me to copy1 apparently thoughtless of two flights of stairs to tax her strength4 ,sometimes she would read to me verses of poetry that pleased her4 ,once ,i remember her throwing herself at my feet1 and when ,i stopped to listen to the reading1 she said1 ,oh1 go right on with your painting4 ,now she would relate some amusing anecdote that almost convulsed me with laughter1 and then again speak of some serious theme with such earnestness of feeling6 ,she was eager to give of her store of strength and cheer to others1 but the store seemed inexhaustible4 ,the more she gave1 the more one felt that there was enough and to spare4 ,i looked forward to my little weekly visit as to an oasis in the desert2 not that all else was bleak1 but that spot seemed to me so very refreshing and attractive4 ,little did ,i think1 when she loaded me down that last day with all ,i could carry1 then ran down to the parlor to show me some choice articles there which she knew would give me pleasure--little did ,i think that ,i should see her again no more6 ,not a day passed after leaving her that she was not an inspiration to me4 ,while painting a wayside flower ,i would think1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss would like this--or1 ,in the fall ,i must show that to ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,even in my dreams she was present with me1 and one morning1 only a little while before she passed from us1 ,i waked with a heavy burden upon my spirits--for it seemed to me as if she were gone4 ,the impression was so strong that ,i spoke of it at the time1 and for days could not throw it off4 ,but at last1 saying to myself1 ,oh1 it is only a dream1 ,i answered her little note1 making1 of course1 no reference to my strange feelings in regard to her4 ,her letter1 by a singular mistake1 is dated ,kauinfels1 ,october #aj1 #ahgh1 nearly two months after she had fallen asleep4 ,how just like her is this passage in it3 ,i wish you could leave your little flock1 and take some rest with us4 ,it would do you good1 ,i am sure4 ,is it impossible8 you do look so tired4 ,my letter in reply must have been one of the very last received by her4 ,in it ,i spoke of having just re-read ,stepping ,heavenward and ,aunt ,jane's ,hero1 and of having enjoyed them almost as much as at the first4 ,this was1 perhaps1 one reason why she had been so constantly in my thoughts4 ,when the news came that she had left us1 ,i was at first greatly shocked and grieved--for ,i felt that ,i had lost no ordinary friend--but when ,i considered how complete her life had been in all that makes life noble and beautiful1 and how meet it was that1 having borne the burden and heat of the day1 she should now rest from her labors1 it seemed selfish to give way to sorrow and not rather to rejoice that she had gone to be with ,christ4 ,scores of such grateful testimonies as this might be given4 ,to all who knew and loved her well1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss was an inspiration4 ,they delighted to talk about her to each other and even to strangers4 ,they repeated her bright and pithy sayings4 ,they associated her with favorite characters in the books they read4 ,the very thought of her wrought upon them with gracious and cheering influence4 ,an extract from a letter of one of her old and dearest friends1 written to her husband after her death1 will illustrate this3 ,on the very morning of her departure ,i had been conversing with my physician about her4 ,he spoke in admiration of her published works1 and ,i tried to give him a description of her personal characteristics4 ,the night before1 in my hours of sleeplessness1 ,i recounted the names of friends who ,i thought had been most instrumental in moulding my character1 and ,mrs4 ,prentiss led the list4 ,how little did ,i dream that already her feet had safely touched the shining shore6 ,in all the three and thirty years of our acquaintance ,i loved her ,,dearly and reverenced her most deeply2 but between us there was such a gulf that ,i always felt unworthy to touch even the hem of her garment4 ,whenever ,i did touch it1 strength and comfort were imparted to me4 ,how much ,i was indebted to her most tender sympathy and her prayers in my own great sorrow1 only another world will reveal4 ,is it not a little remarkable that her last letter to me1 written only a few weeks before her death1 closed with a benediction8 ,i could go on talking about her without end2 for ,i have often said that there was more of her1 and to her1 and in her1 than belonged to any five women ,i ever knew4 ,how exceedingly lovely she was in her own home6 ,i remember you once said to me1 ,the greatest charm of my wife is1 after all1 her perfect naturalness4 ,all who knew her1 must have recognised the same winning characteristic4 ,she was always fresh and always new--for she had the well-spring of wisdom as a flowing brook4 444 ,were you not struck1 in reading ,thomas ,erskine's letters on the death of ,madame de ,broglie1 by the wonderful likeness between her and dear ,mrs4 ,prentiss8 ,twin sisters could scarcely have resembled each other more perfectly4 ,such passages as the following quite startled me3 ,her friendship has been to me a great gift4 ,she has been a witness to me for ,god1 a voice crying in the wilderness4 ,she has been a warner and a comforter4 ,i have seen her continually thirsting after a spiritual union with ,god4 ,i have heard the voice of her heart crying after ,god out from the midst of all things which make this life pleasant and satisfying4444 ,she had all the gifts of mind and character--intelligence1 imagination1 nobleness1 and thoughts that wandered through eternity4 ,she had a heart fitted for friendship1 and she had friends who could appreciate her2 but ,god suffered her not to find rest in these things1 her ear was open to ,his own paternal voice1 and she became ,his child1 in the way that the world is not and knoweth not4 ,i see her before me1 her loving spirit uttering itself through every feature of her beautiful and animated countenance4444 ,there was an unspeakable charm about her4 ,she had a truth and simplicity of character1 which one rarely finds even in the highest order of men4 ,i know nobody like her now4 ,i hope to pass eternity with her4 ,it is wonderful to think what a place she has occupied in my life since ,i became acquainted with her4 ,you know it is my belief that we become better acquainted with our friends after they have passed on within the veil4 ,and may it not be that they become better acquainted with us1 too1 loving us more perfectly and forgiving all that has been amiss8 #d ,to her eldest son1 ,new ,york1 ,may #ab1 #ahgh4 ,this is your father's birthday1 and ,i have given him1 to his great delight1 a ,fairbanks postal scale4 ,his twenty-years-old one would not weigh newspapers or books1 and it is time for an improvement on it4 ,on ,thursday evening there was a festival at our church in aid of sick mission children4 ,everybody was there with their children1 and it was the nicest affair we ever had4 ,m4 and ,i went and enjoyed it ever so much4 ,i took between four and five dollars to spend1 though ,i had given between twenty and thirty to the mission1 but did not get a chance to spend much1 as ,mr4 ,m4 took me in charge and paid for everything ,i ate4 ,your father and ,i rather expect to go to ,east ,river1 ,conn41 tomorrow to help ,mrs4 ,washburn celebrate her seventieth birthday2 but the weather is so cold he doubts whether ,i had better go4 ,a4 went on a long drive on ,friday and brought back a host of wild flowers1 which ,i tried with some failure and some success to paint4 ,may #aith4--,we went to ,east ,river on ,monday afternoon and came home on ,thursday1 making a delightful visit4 ,on ,tuesday ,mrs4 ,w4 and ,i went to ,norwich to see the ,gilmans4 ,i was very tired when we got back1 and had to go to bed at half-past seven4 ,the next day it rained2 so ,mrs4 ,w4 and ,i fell to painting4 ,she became so interested in learning ,mrs4 ,fisher's system that she got up at five the next morning and worked two hours4 ,in the evening your father gave his lecture at a little club-room1 got up chiefly by ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,washburn at their own expense4 ,it is just such a room as ,i should like to build at ,dorset4 ,on ,thursday morning ,mrs4 ,w4 took me out to drive through their own woods and dug up some wild flowers for me4 ,a4 has a ,miss ,crocker1 an artistic friend from ,portland1 staying with her--a very nice1 plucky girl4 ,she wants me to let her take my portrait4 #e ,h4 is full of a story of a pious dog1 who was only fond of people who prayed1 went to church regularly1 and1 when not prevented1 to all the neighborhood prayer-meetings1 which were changed every week from house to house2 his only knowledge of where they would be held being from ,sunday notices from the pulpit6 ,i believe this the more readily because of ,pharaoh's always going to my ,bible-reading at ,dorset and never barking there1 whereas if ,i went to the same house to call he barked dreadfully4 ,we are constantly wondering what you boys will be4 ,good men1 ,i hope1 at any rate4 ,good-night1 with a kiss from your affectionate mother4 ,the substance of the following letter of ,mrs4 ,washburn1 giving an account of the visit to ,east ,river1 as also her impressions of ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 was written in response to one received by her from an old friend in ,turk's ,island3 #f ,i am most thankful that we had that last visit from dear ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,it was a rare favor to us that she came4 ,her health was very delicate1 and a slight deviation from the regular routine of home life was apt to give her sleepless nights4 ,dr4 ,p4 had sent us word that he was going to be in ,new ,haven1 and would give us a call before returning to ,new ,york4 ,we' were overjoyed at the prospect of seeing him1 and wrote immediately begging ,mrs4 ,prentiss to come with him4 ,she1 ever ready to sacrifice her own ease for the sake of giving pleasure to others1 and knowing that the #aeth of ,may would be my #gjth anniversary1 and that ,i perfectly longed to see her1 took the risk of personal suffering upon herself to satisfy my earnest desire1 and came4 ,they arrived on the #acth in the late afternoon train4 ,she was so bright and cheerful it was difficult to notice any traces of the weariness which she must have felt4 ,we passed a delightful evening1 and as ,dr4 ,p4 was to spend a part of the next day in ,new ,haven1 we formed a plan for ,mrs4 ,prentiss and me to go to ,norwich at the same time and make a brief visit to our mutual friends1 the ,misses ,gilman4 ,mr4 ,washburn telegraphed to them that we were coming4 ,on arriving at ,new ,london we found1 to our dismay1 that we had been misinformed in regard to the trains1 and that the one we had taken did not connect with the one to ,norwich1 which had been gone two hours4 ,so there we were1 left alone on the platform1 strangers in the place1 with no means of either going on or returning4 ,what should we do8 ,our first thought was to procure1 if possible1 some conveyance to take us to ,norwich and back2 but this we found could not be done1 for want of time1 the distance between the two cities being fourteen miles or more4 ,fortunately for us1 a young lad appeared1 who promised to take us to our friends in ,norwich1 allow us half an hour to spend with them1 and drive to the station there in time for the return train to ,new ,london and ,east ,river4 ,he looked so honest and true that we felt we could trust him1 and we acceded to his terms at once4 ,as soon as he could get his carriage ready we started off on our untried way4 ,it began at the foot of a long hill1 and continued up and down over a succession of the same kind1 with very rare exceptions of a level space between them1 through the whole distance4 ,but the scenery was so varied and beautiful1 we thought if our only object in setting out had been a drive1 we could not have chosen one more charming4 ,the weather was fine1 and dear ,mrs4 ,prentiss in her happiest mood4 ,as for me1 nothing marred my enjoyment but fear that the fatigue would be too much for her1 and an undercurrent of anxiety lest by some mishap we should fail to re-arrive at the home-station in time to meet our husbands who would be waiting for us4 ,but if she had any such misgivings nothing in word or manner betrayed it4 ,so entire was her self-control1 and so delicate her tact1 not to throw the faintest shadow across the wisdom of my precipitate arrangements4 ,she was as happy as a bird all the way1 and talked delightfully4 ,we found our friends had been in a state of great excitement on our account1 having received the telegram1 and knowing that we had taken the wrong train2 so that our unexpected arrival was greeted with even more than their usual cordiality2 and they were specially gratified to see ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 who almost without looking1 discovered a hundred beauties in and around their lovely home1 which it would have taken the eyes of an ordinary guest a week to notice4 ,the very shortness of our time to stay1 intensified our enjoyment while it lasted4 ,our half hour was soon over1 and we came away with our hands full of flowers and our hearts as full of love4 ,we arrived in good time and met our husbands waiting for us at the station4 ,dear ,mrs4 ,prentiss did not appear to be very much fatigued while recounting in her inimitably pleasant manner the various experiences of the day4 ,a restful night prepared her for the quiet enjoyments of the next day1 which we spent mostly at home1 merely making short calls in the morning on my two sisters1 and slowly driving1 or rather1 as ,i call it1 taking a walk in the buggy1 through the woods1 stopping every few minutes to look at1 or gather ferns or mosses or budding wild flowers that could not escape her beauty-loving eye4 ,the afternoon we remained in the house1 occupied with our pencils4 ,she painted a spray of trailing arbutus1 talking while she was doing it1 as nobody else could1 about things beloved and fair4 ,our darling ,julia was with us1 completely charmed with her1 and as busy as we1 trying with her little hands to make pictures as pretty as ours4 ,in the evening ,dr4 ,p4 gave his most interesting lecture on ,recollections of ,hurstmonceaux in our reading-room2 but ,mrs4 ,prentiss was not able to go1 which ,i regretted the more because ,i knew many ladies would be there who came almost as much to see her as to hear him4 ,they were greatly disappointed1 but enjoyed every word of the lecture1 as well they might4 ,the next day was all too short4 ,it seemed to me that ,i could not let them go4 ,but she had more than enough for her ever busy hands and mind and heart to do in preparation for going to her summer home1 and we had to say good-bye4 ,a few short1 characteristic1 loving notes came from the city1 before she left1 and ,i did not hear from her at ,dorset till the overwhelming news came of her death4 ,i could not control my grief4 ,little ,julia tried to comfort me with her sweet sympathy4 ,dear grandma1 she said1 ,i am sorry too4 ,i can not feel so bad as you do1 because you loved her so much1 and you loved her so long2 but ,i loved her too1 and ,i can think just how she looked when she sat right there by that little table talking1 and painting those beautiful flowers4 ,oh6 ,i am very sorry4 ,and here the poor child's tears flowed again with mine4 ,so will all the children who knew her say1 ,we remember just how she looked4 ,yes1 there was no mistaking or forgetting that kindly1 loving look4 ,julia's mother had felt its influence from her own early childhood till she left her precious little one to receive it in her stead4 ,to each of these half-orphaned ones in turn1 ,i had to read ,little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays1 and both always said to me when ,i finished1 ,please read it again4 ,she could read and understand the heart of children through and through1 as indeed she could everybody's4 ,and that was1 perhaps1 her chiefest charm2 a keen eye to see and a true heart to sympathise and love4 ,she was absolutely sincere1 and no one could help feeling that she was so4 ,we felt ourselves fairly imaged when standing before her1 as in a clear plate-glass mirror4 ,there were no distorted lines caused by her own imperfections2 for although she considered herself compassed with infirmity1 no one else could take such a view of her1 but only saw the abundant charity which could cover and forgive a multitude of failings in others4 ,we felt that if there was any good in us1 she knew it1 and even when she saw them with all our faults she loved us still1 and loved to do us good4 ,you would like me to tell you how she looked4 ,you can form some idea from her picture1 but not an adequate one4 ,her face defied both the photographer's and the painter's art4 ,the crayon likeness1 taken shortly before her death by ,miss ,crocker1 a young artist from ,maine1 is1 in some respects1 excellent4 ,the eyes and mouth--not to speak of other features--are very happily reproduced4 ,she was of medium height1 yet stood and walked so erect as to appear taller than she really was4 ,her dress1 always tasteful1 with little or no ornament that one could remember1 was ever suited to the time and place1 and seemed the most becoming to her which could have been chosen4 ,she was perfectly natural1 and1 though shy and reserved among strangers1 had a quiet1 easy grace of manner1 that showed at once deference for them and utter unconsciousness of self4 ,her head was very fine and admirably poised4 ,she had a symmetrical figure1 and her step to the last was as light and elastic as a girl's4 ,when ,i first knew her1 in the flush and bloom of young maternity1 her face scarcely differed in its curving outlines from what it was more than a quarter of a century later1 when the joys and sorrows of full-orbed womanhood had stamped upon it indelible marks of the perfection they had wrought4 ,her hair was then a dark-brown2 her forehead smooth and fair1 her general complexion rich without much depth of color except upon the lips4 ,in silvering her clustering locks time only added to her aspect a graver charm1 and harmonised the still more delicate tints of cheek and brow4 ,her eyes were black1 and at times wonderfully bright and full of spiritual power2 but they were shaded by deep1 smooth lids which gave them when at rest a most dove-like serenity4 ,her other features were equally striking2 the lips and chin exquisitely moulded and marked by great strength as well as beauty4 ,her face1 in repose1 wore the habitual expression of deep thought and a soft earnestness1 like a thin veil of sadness1 which ,i never saw in the same degree in any other4 ,yet when animated by interchange of thought and feeling with congenial minds1 it lighted up with a perfect radiance of love and intelligence1 and a most beaming smile that no pen or pencil can describe--least of all in my hand1 which trembles when ,i try to sketch the faintest outline4 ,hundreds of heart-stirring memories crowd upon me as ,i write1 but it is impossible to give them expression4 ,her books give you the truest transcript of herself4 ,she wrote1 as she talked1 from the heart4 ,to those who knew her1 a written page in almost any one of them recalls her image with the vividness of a portrait2 and they can almost hear her musical voice as they read it themselves4 ,but1 alas6 in reality-- ,no more her low sweet accents can we hear ,no more our plaints can reach her patient ear4 ,o6 loved and lost1 oh6 trusted1 tried1 and true1 ,o6 tender1 pitying eyes forever sealed2 ,how can we bear to speak our last adieu8 ,how to the grave the precious casket yield1 ,and to those old familiar places go ,that knew thee once1 and never more shall know8 ,i hear from heaven a voice angelic cry1 ,blessed1 thrice blessed are the dead who lie ,beneath the flowery sod and graven stone4 ,yea1 saith the answering ,spirit1 for they rest ,forever from the labors they have done4 ,their works do follow them to regions blest2 ,no stain hereafter can their lustre dim2 ,the dead in ,christ from henceforth live in ,him4 ,o6 doubly dear transfigured friend on high1 ,we1 through our tears1 behold thine eyelids dry4 ,by ,him who suffered once1 and once was dead1 ,but liveth evermore through endless days1 ,god hath encircled thy redeemed head ,with rays of glory and eternal praise1 ,and with ,his own kind hand wiped every trace ,of tears1 and pain and sorrow from thy face4 ,c4 ,w4 ,,wildwood1 ,march #g1 #ahhj4 ,one of the notes referred to is as follows3 ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,washburn3--,if you judge by my handwriting1 you will have to conclude that ,i am #ajj years old4 ,but it all comes of my carrying a heavy bag too long1 and is all my own fault for trying to do too many errands in one trip4 ,your dear little chair1 the like of which ,i should love to give to #edj people1 only cost #b4ej1 so ,i enclose my check for the rest of your #aj4 ,we sent off ,mrs4 ,badger's parcel early this morning4 ,i hope digging and driving and packing and climbing in my behalf1 has not quite killed you4 ,a lot of flowers in two boxes came to me from ,matteawan while ,i was gone1 and as my waitress fancied ,i had been shopping--as if ,i should shop at ,east ,river6--she did not open the boxes or inform the children1 so the spectacle of withered beauty was not very agreeable4 ,a4 and ,m4 send love and thanks4 ,the flowers you gave me look beautifully4 ,give our love to ,mr4 ,w4 and ,julia1 and write about her4 ,we shall not soon forget our charming visit to ,east ,river6 ,in acknowledging this note ,mrs4 ,washburn alludes to one of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' most striking traits--the eager promptitude with which she would execute little commissions for her friends4 ,it was as if she had taken a vow that there should not be one instant's delay4 ,i do hope you have not been made sick by doing so many errands in such a short time4 ,the little chair has come and ,mr4 ,w4 is much pleased with it4 ,nobody is so punctual as you4 ,we were all amazed at receiving the picture so soon4 ,how could you possibly have gotten home and packed it and marked the catalogues and bought the chair and written the check and sent me the little package of ,japanese corn-seed and written me the note and have had a moment even to look at ,a4's portrait8 ,it is a mystery to me4 ,you are a wonder of a woman6 ,you are a genius6 ,you are a beloved friend6 ,i thank you again and again4 ,just think of the good you have done us4 ,shall ,i send you some more daisies8 ,i have written in the greatest haste4 ,that is the reason ,i have done no better and not because ,i am seventy years old4 ,here is her last note to ,mrs4 ,washburn1 dated ,june #c3 ,the box of daisies1 clover1 and grass came on ,saturday4 ,we set the plants out in the box in which they came1 and mixed the grass with what cut flowers we had1 in the very prettiest receptacle for flowers ,i ever saw1 just given ,m4 ,the plants look this morning like a piece of ,wildwood and a piece of you1 and will gladden every spring we live to see4444 ,we are packing for ,dorset1 though we do not mean to go if this weather lasts4 ,i wonder if you have a daily rose8 ,i have just bought one2 first heard of it at the ,centennial4 ,it is said to bloom every day from ,may to ,december4 ,i am going out1 now1 to do ever so many errands for ,h4's outfit for college4 ,give our dear love to ,mr4 ,washburn and ,julia4 ,o1 what a mercy it is to have somebody to love4 #g ,on the #fth of ,june ,mrs4 ,prentiss went to ,dorset for the last time4 ,her husband1 after her departure1 thus referred to this period3 ,for four or five weeks after coming here she was very much occupied about the house1 and seemed rather weary and care-worn4 ,but the pressure was then over and she had leisure for her flowers and her painting1 for going to the woods with the girls1 and for taking her favorite drives with me4 ,she spoke repeatedly of you and other friends4 ,on the #bc;d of ,july ,i started for ,monmouth ,beach4 ,the week preceding this little journey was one of the happiest of our married life4 ,no words can tell how sweet and loving and bright--in a word1 how just like herself--she was4 ,the impassion of that week accompanied me to the sea-side and continued with me during my whole stay there4 ,as day after day ,i sat looking out upon the ocean1 or walked alone up and down the shore1 she was still in all my thoughts4 ,the noise of the breakers1 the boundless expanse of waters1 the passing ships1 going out and coming in1 recalled similar scenes long ago on the coast of ,maine1 before and after our marriage--scenes with which her image was indissolubly blended4 ,then ,i met old friends and found new ones1 who talked to me with grateful enthusiasm of ,stepping ,heavenward1 ,more ,love to ,thee1 ,o ,christ1 and other of her writings4 ,in truth1 my feelings about her1 while ,i was at ,monmouth ,beach1 were quite peculiar and excite my wonder still4 ,i scarcely know how to describe them4 ,they were at times very intense1 and1 ,i had almost said1 awe-struck1 seemed bathed in a sweet ,sabbath stillness1 and to belong rather to the other world than to this of time and sense4 ,how do you explain this8 ,was my spirit1 perhaps1 touched in some mysterious way by the coming event8 ,certainly1 had ,i been warned that she was so soon to leave me1 ,i could hardly have passed those days of absence in a mood better attuned to that in which ,i now think of her as forever at home with the ,lord4 ,the following are two of her last letters3 ,to ,mrs4 ,condict1 ,kauinfels1 ,july #bb1 #ahgh4 ,to begin with the most important part of your letter4 ,i reply that neither ,mr4 ,prentiss or myself have ever had any sympathy with ,second ,adventists4 ,all the talk about it seems to us mere speculation and probable doom to disappointment4 ,i do not see that it is as powerful a stimulant to holiness as the uncertainty of life is4 ,christ may come any day2 but ,he may not come for ages2 but we must and shall die in the merest fragment of an age1 and see ,him as ,he is4 ,it will be a day of unspeakable joy1 when we meet ,him here or there4 ,i shrink from unprofitable discussion of points that1 after all1 can only be tested by time and events4 ,i do not think our expecting ,christ will bring ,him a minute sooner1 for the early church expected ,him1 yet ,he came not4 ,there has been so much wildness in theories on this subject that ,i am sore when ,i hear new ones advanced2 none of these theories have proved to be correct1 and ,i do not imagine any of them will4 ,i have been busy indoors1 upholstering not only curtains and couches1 but ever so many boxes1 as our bureaus are shallow and our closets small4 ,i made one for ,a4 large enough for her to get into1 and she uses it as she would a room1 suspending objects from the sides and keeping all her artistic implements in it4 ,i began my ,bible-reading last ,thursday1 the hottest day we have had2 but there was a good attendance4 ,my ,g4 met with an accident from the circular saw which alarmed and distressed me so that his father had to hartshorn and fan me1 while the girls did what they could for ,g4 till the doctor could be got from ,factory ,point4 ,his eyebrow was cut open and his forehead gashed1 but all healed wonderfully1 and we have reason to be thankful that he did not lose an eye1 as he was so near doing4 ,at any time when you must have change1 let me know1 as there are often gaps between guests1 and sometimes those we expected1 fail4 ,mr4 ,prentiss is1 apparently1 benefited by hot weather1 and is unusually well4 ,thanks for the needles1 which will be a great comfort4 ,have you painted a horse-shoe8 ,i had one given me2 black ground and blue forget-me-nots1 and hung by a blue ribbon4 ,i am going to paint one for ,m4 and ,hatty4 ,i feel as if ,i had left out something ,i wanted to say4 ,to ,mrs4 ,george ,payson1 ,kauinfels1 ,aug4 #a1 #ahgh4 ,i am all alone in the house1 this evening1 and as this gives me room at the table1 ,i am going to begin to answer your letter4 ,george is out of town1 and all the rest1 including the servants1 have gone to see the ,mistletoe ,bough4 ,it is astonishing how slowly you get well2 and yet with such heat and such smells as you have in ,chicago1 it is yet more astonishing that you live at all4 ,i thought it dreadful to have the thermometer stand at #ij in my bedroom1 three weeks running1 and to sniff a bad sniff now and then from our pond1 when the water got low1 but ,i see ,i was wrong4 ,we have next to no flowers this summer2 white flies destroyed the roses1 frost killed other things1 and then the three weeks of burning heat1 with no rain1 finished up others4 ,portulacca is our rear-guard1 on which we fall back1 filling empty spaces with it1 and ,i grow more fond of it every year4 ,a good many verbenas sowed themselves1 but came up too late to be of any use4 ,we have a splendid bed of pansies1 sown by a friend here4 ,i have not done much indoors but renovate the house1 but that has been a great job4 ,i brought up a ,japanese picture-book to use as a cornice in my den1 but ,a4 persuaded me to get some wall paper1 and use the pictures as a dado for the dining-room4 ,the effect is very unique and pretty4 ,i expect ,george home to-morrow2 he has been spending a delightful week at ,monmouth ,beach1 visiting friends4 ,i wish ,i could send you some of our delicious ice-cream4 ,we have it twice a week1 with the juices of what fruit is going2 peaches being best4 ,we have not had much company yet4 ,last ,saturday a friend of ,a4's came and goes with her to ,prout's ,neck to-morrow4 ,we do not count ,hatty ,k4 as company1 but as one of us4 ,she gets the brightest letters from ,rob ,s41 son of ,george4 ,i should burst and blow up if my boys wrote as well4 ,they have telephone and microphone on the brain1 and such a bawling between the house and the mill you never heard4 ,it is nice for us when we want meal1 or to have a horse harnessed4 ,have you heard of the chair1 with a fan each side1 that fans you twenty-five minutes from just seating yourself in it4 ,it must be delightful1 especially to invalids1 and ought to prolong life for them4444 ,the clock is striking nine1 my hour for fleeing to get ready for bed1 but none of the angels have come home from the ,mistletoe ,bough1 and so ,i suppose ,i shall have to make haste slowly in undressing4 ,love to all4 ,aug4 #c;d4--,i am delighted that you enjoyed the serge so much2 ,i knew you would4 ,i forgot to answer your question about books4 ,have you read ,noblesse ,oblige8 ,we admire it extremely4 ,there are two works by this title2 one poor4 ,i read ,les ,miserables last winter1 and got greatly interested in it2 whether there is a good ,english translation1 ,i do not know4 ,that ,lass o' ,lowrie's you have probably read4 ,i saw a ,russian novel highly praised the other day2 ,dosea1 translated from the ,french by ,mary ,neal 7,sherwood72 ,victor ,lascar is said to be good4 ,i have1 probably1 praised ,misunderstood to you4 ,strange ,adventures of a ,phaeton we liked2 also ,the ,maid of ,sker and ,off the ,skelligs2 its sequel is ,fated to be ,free4 ,two tongues are running like mill-clappers1 so good-night4 99 99 99 99 99 ,,ii4 ,little ,incidents and ,details of her last ,days on ,earth4 ,last ,visit to the ,woods4 ,sudden ,illness4 ,last ,bible-reading4 ,last ,drive to ,hager-,brook4 ,reminiscence of a last ,interview4 ,closing ,scenes4 ,death4 ,the ,burial4 ,her last days on earth were now close at hand4 ,such days have in themselves1 of necessity1 no virtue above other days2 and yet a tender interest clings to them simply as the last4 ,their conjunction with death and the ,life beyond seems to invest whatsoever comes to pass in them--even trifles light as air--with unwonted significance4 ,soon after her sudden departure her husband noted down1 for the satisfaction of absent friends1 such little incidents and details as could be recalled of her last ten days on earth4 ,the following is a part of this simple record3 ,sunday1 ,aug4 #d1 #ahgh4--,to-day she went to the house of ,god for the last time2 and1 as would have been her wish1 had she known it was for the last time1 heard me preach4 ,there was much in both the tone and matter of the sermon1 that made it seem1 afterwards1 as if it had been written in full view of the approaching sorrow4 ,a good deal of the day at home was spent in getting ready for her ,bible-reading on the ensuing ,thursday4 ,at four o'clock in the afternoon she and the girls1 ,m4 and ,h41 usually drove in the phaeton over to the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,reed's1 on the ,west road1 to attend a neighborhood prayer-meeting2 but to-day1 on account of a threatening thunder-shower1 they did not go4 ,she enjoyed this little meeting very much4 ,monday1 ,aug4 #eth4--,soon after breakfast1 she and the girl--we three girls1 as she used to say--started off1 carrying each a basket1 for the ,cheney woods in quest of ferns2 it having been arranged that at ten o'clock ,i should come with the phaeton to fetch her and the baskets home4 ,the morning1 although warm1 was very pleasant and all three were in high spirits4 ,before leaving the house1 she ran up to her den--so she called the little room where she wrote and painted--to get something2 and on passing out of it through the chamber1 where just then ,i was shaving1 she suddenly stopped1 and pointing at me with her forefinger1 her eye and face beaming with love and full of sweet witchery1 she exclaimed in a tone of pretended anger3 ,how dare you1 sir1 to be shaving in my room8 and in an instant she was gone6 ,a minute or two later ,i looked after her from the window and saw her1 with her two shadows1 hurrying towards the woods4 ,at the time appointed1 ,i went for her4 ,she awaited me sitting on the ground on the further side of the woods1 near the old sugar-house4 ,the three baskets1 all filled with beautiful ferns1 were placed in the phaeton and we drove home4 ,the ,cheney woods1 as we call them1 form one of the attractions of ,dorset4 ,they are quite extensive1 abound in majestic sugar-maples1 some of which have been tapped1 it is said1 for more than sixty successive seasons1 and at one point in them is a water-shed dividing into two little rivulets1 one of which1 after mingling with the waters of the ,battenkill and the ,hudson1 finds its way at last into the ,atlantic ,ocean2 while the other reaches the same ocean through ,pawlet ,river1 ,lake ,champlain and the ,st4 ,lawrence ,river4 ,these woods and our own1 together with the mountain and waterfall and groves beyond ,deacon ,kellogg's1 where she often met her old friend ,uncle ,isaac1 #h were her favorite resorts4 ,a little while after returning home ,i found her in her little room1 looking well and happy1 and busy with her brush4 ,the girls1 also1 on reaching the house found her there4 ,but somewhat later1 without our knowledge1 she went out and worked for a long time on and about the lawn4 ,there was a breeze1 but the rays of the sun were scorchingly hot and she doubtless exerted herself1 as she was always tempted to do1 beyond her strength4 ,i was occupied until noon at the mill and later1 in the field1 watching the men cradling oats4 ,on coming in to dinner1 a little past one1 ,i was startled not to find her at the table1 ,where is mamma8 said ,i to ,m4 ,she is not feeling very well1 ,m4 answered1 and said she would not come down1 as she did not want any dinner4 ,i ran up-stairs1 found her in her little room1 and asked her what was the matter4 ,she replied that she had been troubled with a little nausea and felt weak1 but it was nothing serious4 ,i went back to the table1 but with a worried1 anxious mind4 ,somewhat later she lay down on the bed and the prostration became so great1 that ,i rubbed her hands vigorously and administered hartshorn4 ,it occurred to me at once that she had barely escaped a sunstroke4 ,after rallying from this terrible fit of exhaustion1 she seemed quite like herself again1 and listened with much interest while the girls read to her out of ,boswell's ,johnson4 ,she was in a sweet1 gentle mood all the afternoon4 ,i prayed this morning1 she said1 that ,i might be a comfort to-day to everybody in the house4 ,tuesday1 ,aug4#fth4--,she passed the day in bed2 feeble1 but otherwise seeming still like herself4 ,in the course of the morning we persuaded her to let ,margaret1 ,eddy's old nurse1 make her some milk-toast1 which she enjoyed so much that she said1 ,i wish1 ,margaret1 you were well enough to come and be our cook4 ,m4 had taken the place of our two servants1 who were gone to ,east ,dorset to a ,confirmation1 at which their bishop was to be present4 ,throughout the day she was in a very tender1 gentle mood1 as she had been on the previous afternoon4 ,she was much exercised by the sudden death of the mother of one of our servants1 the news of which came while they were away4 ,had the case been that of a near relative1 she could hardly have shown warmer sympathy1 or administered consolation in a more considerate manner4 ,during the day there was more or less talk about the ,bible-reading and ,i begged her to give it up4 ,we finally agreed that the girls should drive over to ,mrs4 ,reed's and ask her to take charge of it4 ,they did so2 but at ,mrs4 ,r4's suggestion it was decided not to give up the meeting1 but to convert it1 if needful1 into a little service of prayer and praise4 ,this arrangement seemed to please her4 ,although feeling very weak1 she did not appear at all depressed and was alive to everything that was going on in the room4 ,the girls having written to a friend who was to visit us the next week1 she asked if they had mentioned her illness4 ,they both replied no--for each supposed the other had done it4 ,then 7said she7 you had better add a postscript1 telling her that ,i lie at the point of death4 ,wednesday1 ,aug4 #gth4--,a beautiful day4 ,she got up1 put on a dressing-gown1 and sat most of the day in the easy-chair1 or rather the sea-chair1 given us by my dear friend1 ,mr4 ,howland1 when we went to ,europe in #aheh4 ,she looked very lovely and we all enjoyed sitting and talking with her in her chamber4 ,the girls arranged her hair to please their own taste1 and then told her how very charming she was6 ,she liked to be petted by them2 and they were never so happy as in petting and fussing about her4 ,she spent an hour or two in looking over a package of old ,agriculturists1 that had belonged to her brother-in-law1 ,prof4 ,hopkins1 of ,williams ,college4 ,she delighted in such reading1 and nothing curious and interesting1 or suggestive1 escaped her notice4 ,she called my attention to an article on raising tomatoes1 and cut it out for me2 and also cut out many other articles for her own use4 ,towards night she dressed herself and came down to tea4 ,she remained in the parlor1 talking with me and the boys1 and reading the paper1 until the girls returned from the ,wednesday evening meeting4 ,something had occurred to excite their mirth1 and they came home in such a gale that she playfully rebuked them for being so light-minded4 ,but at the same time she couldn't help joining in their mirth4 ,in truth1 she was quite as much a girl as either of them2 and her laugh was as merry4 ,thursday1 ,aug4 #hth4--,she seemed to feel much better this morning4 ,before getting up we talked about her ,bible-reading1 and she asked me various questions concerning the passage that was to be its theme1 namely1 ,john xv4 #bg4 ,she referred particularly to our ,lord's sayings1 at the beginning of the sixteenth chapter1 on the subject of persecution1 and told me how very strange and impressive they seemed to her1 coming1 as they did1 in the midst of ,his last conversation with ,his disciples--a conversation so full of divine tenderness and love4 ,this was almost the last of innumerable and never-to-be-forgotten talks which we had had together1 during more than a third of a century1 upon passages of ,holy ,scripture4 ,after breakfast she went to her workshop and painted six large titles2 and then went down to the piazza and painted a chair for ,hatty4 ,she also assisted the girls in watering her flowers4 ,she came round to the back stoop ,thursday morning 7one of the servants told me afterwards7 and ,i said to her1 ',mis ,prentiss1 and how d'ye feel8' and she said1 ',ellen1 ,i feel weak1 but ,i shall be all right when ,i get my strength4' ,i still felt troubled about her holding the ,bible-reading and tried to dissuade her from attempting it4 ,she had set her heart upon it1 however1 and said that the disappointment at giving it up would be worse than the exertion of holding it4 ,her preparation was all made2 the ladies would be there1 some of them from a distance1 expecting to see her1 and she could not bear to lose the meeting4 ,so ,i yielded4 ,we were expecting ,dr4 ,vincent by the afternoon train and ,i was to go to the station for him4 ,just as ,i was seated in the carriage and was about to start1 she came out on the porch1 already dressed for the ,bible-reading1 and with an expression of infinite sweetness1 half playful and half solemn1 pointing at me with her finger1 said slowly3 ,you pray--one--little--prayer for me4 ,never shall ,i forget that arch expression--so loving1 so spiritual1 and yet so stamped with marks of suffering--the peculiar tones of her voice1 or that dear little gesture6 ,of her last ,bible-reading the following brief account is prepared from the recollections kindly furnished me by several of the ladies who were present3 ,,her ,,last ,,bible-,,reading4 ,there was something very impressive in ,mrs4 ,prentiss' ,bible-readings4 ,she seemed not unlike her gifted father in the power she possessed of captivating those who heard her4 ,her manner was perfectly natural1 quiet1 and even shy2 it evidently cost her considerable effort to speak in the presence of so many listeners4 ,she rarely looked round or even looked up2 but a sort of magnetic influence attracted every eye to her and held all our hearts in breathless attention4 ,her style was entirely conversational2 her sentences were short1 clear as crystal1 full of happy turns1 and always fresh and to the point4 ,the tones of her voice were peculiar2 ,i scarcely know how to describe them2 they had such a fine1 subtle1 womanly quality1 were touched--especially at this last reading--with such tenderness and depth of feeling2 ,i only know that as we heard them1 it was almost as if we were listening to the voice of an angel6 ,and they are1 ,i am sure1 echoing still in all our memories4 ,the first glance at her1 as she entered the room1 a little before three o'clock on the #hth of ,august1 showed that she was not well4 ,her eyes were unusually bright1 but the marks of recent or approaching illness were stamped upon her countenance4 ,it was lighted up1 indeed1 with even unwonted animation and spiritual beauty2 but it had also a pale and wearied look4 ,the reading was usually opened with a silent prayer and closed with two or three short oral prayers4 ,the subject this afternoon was the last verse of the fifteenth chapter of the ,gospel according to ,john3 ,and ye also shall bear witness1 because ye have been with me from the beginning4 ,witnessing for ,christ1 this was her theme4 ,she began by giving a variety of ,scripture references illustrative of the nature and different forms of ,christian witness-bearing4 ,it was her custom always to unfold the topic of the reading1 and to verify her own views of it1 by copious and carefully prepared citations from the ,word of ,god4 ,a ,bible-reading1 as she conducted it1 was not merely a study of a text1 or passage of ,scripture1 by itself1 but study of it in its vital relations to the whole teaching of the ,bible on the subject in hand4 ,in the present instance her references were all written out and were so numerous and so skilfully arranged that they must have cost her no little labor4 ,feeling1 apparently1 too feeble to read them herself1 she turned to her daughter1 who sat by her mother's side1 and requested her to do it4 ,after the references had been given and the passages read1 she went on to express her own thoughts on the subject4 ,and1 surely1 had she been fully conscious that this was the last opportunity she would ever have of thus bearing witness for ,christ1 her words could not have been more happily chosen4 ,would that they could be recalled just as they issued from her own lips6 ,but it is not possible so to recall them4 ,one might as well try to reproduce the sunset scene on the evening of her burial4 ,for even if the exact words could be repeated1 who could bring back again her tender1 loving accents1 or that strange earnestness and unction from the ,holy ,one with which they were uttered8 ,or who could bring back again the awe-struck1 responsive emotions that thrilled our hearts8 ,the simplest outline of this farewell talk is all that is now practicable4 ,had we known what was coming1 our memories would1 no doubt1 have been rendered thereby sevenfold more retentive1 and little that fell from her lips would have been lost4 ,her first point was the great variety of ways in which we can bear witness for ,christ4 ,we can do it in private as well as in public2 and it is in the private spheres and familiar daily intercourse of life that most of us are called to give this testimony1 and to give it by manifesting in this intercourse and in these retired spheres the spirit of our ,master4 ,what an opportunity does the family1 for example1 afford for constant and most effective witness-bearing6 ,how a mother may honor ,christ in what she says to her children about ,him and especially by the manner in which she fulfils her every-day home duties6 ,how a wife may thus testify of ,christ to her worldly1 unconverted husband6 ,and here she spoke of one form of public testimony which everybody might and ought to give4 ,i can not 7she said7 see all the faces in this room but there may be those here who have never confessed ,christ before men by uniting with ,his visible church4 ,let me tell any such who may be present that they are grieving their ,saviour by refusing to give ,him this testimony of their love and devotion4 ,in referring to this subject she remarked that young persons1 after having united with the church1 sometimes felt greatly disheartened and thought themselves the worst ,christians in the world4 ,but this was often a very wrong feeling4 ,their sense of their own weakness and unworthiness might come from the ,holy ,comforter2 and we should be very careful how we treat ,him4 ,his influence is a very tender1 sacred thing1 and1 like the sensitive plant1 recoils at the touch of a rude hand4 ,i have wanted1 she said1 to speak cheerful1 comforting words to you to-day4 ,it was the particular desire of my husband this morning that ,i should do so4 ,he thought that young ,christians1 especially1 needed much encouragement on this point4 ,it was a great thing to lead them to feel that they could please their ,master and be witnesses for ,him in quiet1 simple ways1 and that1 too1 every day of their lives4 ,our ,lord1 to be sure1 does not really need our services4 ,he could quite easily dispense with them4 ,but ,he lets us work for ,him somewhat as a mother lets her little child do things for her--not because she needs the child's help1 but because she loves to see the child trying to please her4 ,and yet1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss 7asked one of the ladies71 does there not come a time when the child is really of service to the mother8 ,i thank you for the suggestion 7she replied72 ,i left my remark incomplete4 ,yes1 it is true such a time does come4 ,and so1 in a certain sense1 it may be said1 perhaps1 that ,god needs the services of ,his children4 ,but how easily ,he can dispense with the best and most useful of them6 ,one may seem to have a great task to perform in the service of the ,master1 but in the midst of it he is taken away1 and1 while he is missed1 the work of ,god goes right on4 ,god does not see such a difference as we do1 she said1 between what we call great and small services rendered to ,him4 ,a cup of cold water given in ,christ's name1 if that is all one can give1 is just as acceptable as the richest offering2 and so is a tea-spoonful1 if one has no more to give4 ,christ loves to be loved2 and the smallest testimony of real love is most pleasing to ,him4 ,and love shown to one of ,his suffering disciples ,he regards as love to ,himself4 ,so a little child1 just carrying a flower to some poor invalid1 may thus do ,christ honor and become more endeared to ,him4 ,there is no one1 old or young1 who has not the power of blessing other souls4 ,we all have far more influence1 both for good and evil1 than we dream of4 ,in the course of her talk she alluded to the trials of life and the shortness of them at the longest4 ,we are all passing away1 one after another4 ,our intimate friends will mourn for us when we are gone1 but the world will move on just the same4 ,and we should not allow ourselves to be troubled lest when our time comes we may be afraid to die4 ,dying grace is not usually given until it is needed4 ,death to the disciple of ,jesus is only stepping from one room to another and far better room of our ,father's house4 ,and how little all the sorrows of the way will seem to us when we get to our home above6 ,i suppose ,st4 ,paul1 amidst the bliss of heaven1 fairly laughs at the thought of what he suffered for ,christ in this brief moment of time4 ,and as she said this1 she gently waved her hand in the way of emphasis4 ,no one of us who saw it will soon forget that little gesture6 ,in one part of her remarks she cautioned us against hasty and harsh judgments4 ,we should cover with our charity the faults and imperfections of those about us1 as nature hides with her mossy covering the unsightly stone4 ,she referred to the case of children3 a child often has a sweet disposition until five or six years of age and then becomes very irritable and cross1 causing the parents much anxiety--and1 perhaps1 much impatience4 ,and yet it may not be the child's fault at all2 but only the effect of ill-health1 too much study and confinement1 or pure mismanagement4 ,a large portion of the disobedience and wrong temper of children comes from improper food or loss of sleep1 or something of that sort4 ,and it is not cross fretful children alone that need to be judged tenderly4 ,a consumptive friend of hers1 rendered nervous and weak by long sickness1 upon being asked one morning1 as usual1 about her health1 replied3 ,don't ask me again--,i feel as if ,i could throw this chair at you4 ,now ,i do not think1 said ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 that this speech was a sin in the sight of ,god4 ,he saw in it nothing but the poor invalid's irritable nerves1 ,god judges us according to the thoughts and intentions of the heart2 and we ought1 as far as possible1 to judge each other in the same way4 ,and when we ourselves are the ones really at fault1 we ought to confess it4 ,i never shall forget how humiliated ,i felt when my mother once came to me and asked my forgiveness--but ,i loved her ten times as much for it4 ,prayer was another point touched upon in this last ,bible-reading4 ,she almost always had something fresh and striking to say about prayer4 ,it was one of her favorite topics4 ,i recall two or three of her remarks at this time4 ,always move the lips in prayer4 ,it helps to keep one's thoughts from wandering4 ,a mother can pray with a sick child on her lap more acceptably than to leave it alone in order to go and pray by herself4 ,accustom yourself to turn all your wants1 cares and trials into prayer4 ,if anything troubled or annoyed my mother she went straight to the 'spare room1' no matter how cold the weather1 and we children knew it was to pray4 ,i shall never forget its influence over me4 ,when a question as to duty comes up1 ,i think we can soon settle it in this way3 ',am ,i living near to ,christ8 ,am ,i seeking ,his guidance8 ,am ,i renouncing self in what ,i undertake to do for ,him8' ,if we can say yes to these questions1 we may safely go into any path where duty lies4 ,we never dread to hear people pray who pray truly and in the ,spirit4 ,they may be unlearned4 ,they may be intellectually weak4 ,but if they pray habitually in the closet1 they will edify out of it4 ,such is a poor1 meagre account of this last precious ,bible-reading4 ,possibly some of the things here recorded belonged to previous readings--though ,mrs4 ,prentiss occasionally repeated remarks on points to which she attached special importance4 ,some good 7she said7 will come of these meetings1 ,i feel sure4 ,it is impossible that you should take so much pains1 and some of you put yourselves to so much inconvenience1 in order to come here and study together ,god's ,word--and ,his blessing not follow4 ,the blessing has already followed1 good measure1 pressed down and running over1 and it will continue to follow in days to come2 especially the blessings of this last meeting1 when1 in a strain so sweet and tender--as though she had a new glimpse of heaven and the heart of ,god--our beloved and now sainted teacher urged us to bear witness for ,christ and showed us so plainly how to do it4 ,at the close of the meeting she looked very pale and seemed much exhausted4 ,you are ill1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 said one of the ladies1 distressed by her appearance4 ,yes1 she said1 ,i am4 ,still1 it seemed a great pleasure to her to have met us once more4 ,nor can ,i help thinking that1 even if she herself had no presentiment of what was coming1 she was yet led of the ,spirit1 the blessed ,comforter1 to hold this last ,bible-reading4 ,it was itself just such a testimony for ,christ as fitly crowned her consecrated and beautiful life4 ,upon my return from the station with ,dr4 ,vincent she met us on the porch1 bade him welcome to ,dorset1 told him with what extraordinary care the girls had made ready his room1 and appeared in excellent spirits all the rest of the day4 ,while at tea she expressed to ,dr4 ,v4 our regret that ,dr4 ,poor could not have made his visit at the same time2 although1 to be sure1 they might1 if together1 have brought the house down upon our heads by the explosions of their mirth4 ,she then related some amusing anecdotes of a queer1 crotchety old domestic of ours in ,new ,bedford a third of a century ago1 and of her delight when ,dr4 ,poor 7then settled at ,fair ,haven1 opposite ,new ,bedford7 got married1 because now1 it was to be hoped1 he would stay at home with his wife and not be coming over all the time and drinking up our tea6 ,on my asking her about the ,bible-reading1 she said she got through with it very well1 expressed surprise at the large attendance1 and spoke of the deep interest manifested4 ,after tea she sat with us in the parlor for some time and then1 kissing ,m4 good-night1 omitted ,hatty and the boys 7a most unusual thing71 remarking1 as she left for her chamber1 ,well1 ,i'm not going to kiss all this roomful4 ,friday1 ,aug4#ith--,a severe thunder-storm had set in early last night and continued at short intervals throughout the day4 ,she was very anxious that ,dr4 ,vincent should enjoy his visit1 and on his account was disturbed by the weather2 otherwise1 a thunder-storm seemed to exhilarate her1 as is said to have been the case with her father4 ,she spent most of ,friday in her den1 finishing a little picture and chatting from time to time with the girls who were busy in the adjoining room4 ,dr4 ,vincent and ,i sat a part of the forenoon on the piazza under her window and whiled away the time1 he in telling and ,i in listening to any number of amusing stories4 ,she called the attention of ,m4 and ,h4 to our unclerical behavior3 ,just hear those doctors of divinity giggling like two schoolgirls6 ,but nobody enjoyed more an amusing story1 or told one with more zest than she did herself4 ,i forget whether it was on ,friday1 or an earlier day1 that she showed me a remarkable letter she had received1 during my absence at the sea-side1 from ,london4 ,it was written by a young wife and mother nearly related to two of the most honored families of ,england1 and sought her counsel in reference to certain questions of duty that had grown out of special domestic trials4 ,stepping ,heavenward1 the writer said1 had formed an era in her religious life2 she had read it through from fifty to sixty times2 it had its place by the side of her ,bible2 and no words could express the good it had done her1 or the comfort she had derived from its pages4 ,the ,home at ,greylock had also been of great help to her as a wife and mother2 and she could not but hope that one whose books had been such a blessing to her1 might be able to render her still greater and more direct aid by personal counsel4 ,the letter1 which was beautifully written and was full of the most grateful feelings1 appealed very strongly to her sympathy4 ,but it was never answered4 ,saturday1 ,aug4 #ajth--,she had a tolerable night1 but on coming down to breakfast said1 in reply to ,dr4 ,vincent's question1 ,how she felt8 ,i feel like bursting out crying4 ,after prayers1 however1 when the plans for the day were arranged and a drive to ,hager brook--a picturesque mountain glen and waterfall--was made the order of the forenoon1 she proposed to go with us4 ,i had almost feared to suggest it1 and yet was greatly relieved to find that she felt able to take the ride4 ,it was decided1 therefore1 that she1 ,hatty ,k41 ,dr4 ,vincent and ,i should form the party4 ,as we drove toward the village ,i noticed that ,dr4 ,wyman was just stopping at our next neighbor's4 ,dr4 ,hemenway1 our old physician1 had removed to ,st4 ,paul's1 and ,dr4 ,w4 had taken his place4 ,i was rejoiced to see him1 both on her account and my own4 ,i had not been well myself during the week1 and although ,i had repeatedly proposed to call in the doctor for her1 she stoutly refused4 ,so1 after getting a prescription for myself1 ,i said1 ,and now1 doctor1 ,i want you to do something for my wife1 relating to him her ill-turn on ,monday4 ,certainly 7the doctor replied7 she needs some arsenicum1 which he gave her1 promising to call and see us on the next ,monday4 ,as we rode on ,dr4 ,vincent suggested1 laughingly1 what a strange story might be based upon ,dr4 ,w4's prescription4 ,i might report1 for example1 that ,i myself saw the author of ',stepping ,heavenward' eating arsenic6 ,she joined heartily in the laugh and during all the rest of the drive conversed with great animation4 ,she related several anecdotes of her early life1 talked with admiration of the writings and genius of ,mrs4 ,stowe--one ,of whose ,new ,england stories she had just been reading--and seemed exactly like herself4 ,upon reaching the brook in ,east ,rupert and starting with ,dr4 ,vincent for the glen1 ,i said to her1 ,now don't walk off out of sight1 where ,i can't see you when we come back4 ,oh yes1 ,i shall1 she replied in her pleasant way4 ,after we were left alone that ,saturday morning 7,hatty writes7 ,mrs4 ,prentiss gathered quite a bunch of the wild ageratum1 and then dug up the roots of three wild clematis vines with her scissors4 ,she then called my attention to the thimbleberry bushes along the edge of the brook1 admiring the foliage of the plant and expressing the determination to have one or more in her garden next year4 ,on coming down from the glen ,i found her sitting on the ground near the brook4 ,taking her by the hand--for she seemed very tired--,i helped her to rise and walked back with her toward the carriage4 ,just before reaching the road she saw some clusters of clematis on the side of the brook1 which at her desire ,i gathered4 ,it was the last service of the kind ever performed for her1 and ,i am so thankful that no hands but mine were privileged to perform it6 ,during the drive home she said almost nothing and was1 evidently1 feeling very much wearied4 ,we returned by the ,west road and on passing in at our gate ,i observed that ,dr4 ,wyman's gig was still in front of ,miss ,kent's4 ,why1 ,lizzy1 ,dr4 ,wyman is still here1 said ,i4 ,then1 ,i would like to see him now rather than wait till ,monday1 she said1 to my surprise4 ,i went immediately and asked him to call4 ,it was1 ,i think1 between eleven and twelve o'clock4 ,he came very soon and she received him in the parlor4 ,i noticed at once that she was extremely nervous and agitated1 while explaining to him her symptoms2 and not being able to recall some point1 she remarked that her mind had been much confused all the week4 ,just then she rose hastily1 excused herself1 and went up to her room4 ,she is very ill 7said the doctor1 turning to me7 and must go to bed instantly4 ,while he was preparing her medicines ,judge ,m4 and family from ,new ,york1 who were sojourning at ,manchester1 called2 but learning of her illness1 soon left4 ,later in the day ,i told her who had called and how much ,mrs4 ,m4 and the young ladies admired her flowers1 especially the portulacas4 ,she seemed pleased and said to me1 ,you had better1 then1 prepare two little boxes of portulacas and send them over to ,mrs4 ,m4 to keep in her windows while she stays at the ,equinox ,house4 ,a few days after her death ,i did so and received a touching note of thanks from ,mrs4 ,m4 ,as the doctor directed1 she at once took to her bed4 ,for an hour or two her prostration was extreme1 and she nearly fainted4 ,her head shook and her condition verged on a collapse4 ,i rubbed her hands vigorously1 gave her a restorative1 and gradually her strength returned4 ,in speaking of the attack she said the sense of weakness was so terrible that she would gladly have died on the spot4 ,in the course of the afternoon1 however1 she was so much easier that the girls read to her again out of ,boswell's ,johnson and she seemed to listen with all the old interest4 ,it pleased her greatly to have them read to her2 and she loved to talk with them about the books read and especially to discuss the characters depicted in any of them4 ,toward evening ,george brought in some trout1 which he had caught for her out of our brook4 ,her appetite was exceedingly poor1 but she was very fond of trout and ,g4 often caught a little mess for her supper4 ,our brook never seemed so dear to me1 nor did its rippling music ever sound so sweet1 as when ,i did the same thing1 before he came home from ,princeton and took the privilege out of my hands4 ,when he brought in the trout1 ,ellen went to his mother's chamber and asked if they should not be kept for breakfast8 ,no1 they are very nice and you had better have them for supper4 ,shan't ,i save some for your breakfast8 asked ,ellen1 knowing how fond she was of them4 ,no1 said she1 the doctor says ,i must take nothing but beef-tea4 ,and d'ye feel better1 ,mis' ,prentiss8 continued ,ellen4 ,oh ,i feel better1 ,ellen1 but ,i'm very weak--,i shall be all right in a few days4 ,after tea she insisted on sending for ,mrs4 ,sarah ,c4 ,mitchell1 of ,philadelphia1 whom she had been unable to see on the previous ,monday4 ,mrs4 ,m4 was the last person out of the family1 with whom she conversed1 excepting the doctors and nurse4 #i ,sunday1 ,aug4 #aath4--,she slept better than ,i feared1 but awoke very feeble1 taking no nourishment except a little beef-tea4 ,she lay quiet a part of the time2 but the quiet intervals grew shorter and were followed by most distressing attacks4 ,m4 and ,i sat by her bed1 but could do nothing to relieve her4 ,my fears had now become thoroughly aroused and ,i awaited the arrival of the doctor with the most intense anxiety4 ,hour after hour of the morning1 however1 passed slowly away and he did not come4 ,at length a messenger brought word from the ,west road1 where he had been called at midnight1 that an urgent telegram had summoned him to ,arlington and that he should not be able to reach ,dorset before one or two o'clock ,p4,m4 ,the anguish of the suspense during the next three or four hours was something dreadful4 ,when the bell rang for church she desired that ,m4 should go1 as ,dr4 ,vincent was to preach1 and it would give a little relief from the strain that was upon her4 ,soon after ,m4 had left1 during an interval of comparative ease1 she fixed her eyes upon me with a most tender1 loving expression1 and in a sort of beseeching tone1 said1 ,darling1 don't you think you could ask the ,lord to let me go8 ,perceiving1 no doubt1 how the question affected me1 she went on to give some reasons for wishing to go4 ,she spoke very slowly1 in the most natural1 simple way1 and yet with an indescribable earnestness of look and voice1 as if aware that she was uttering her dying words4 ,i can not recall all that she said1 but its substance1 and some of the exact expressions1 are indelibly impressed upon my memory4 ,for my and the children's sake she had been willing and even desired to live2 and for several years had made extraordinary efforts to keep up1 although much of the time the burden of ill-health1 as ,i well knew1 had been well-nigh insupportable4 ,so far as this world was concerned1 few persons in it had such reasons for wishing to live1 or so much to render life attractive4 ,but the feeling in her heart had become overpowering that no earthly happiness1 no interest1 no distraction1 could any longer satisfy her1 or give her content1 away from ,christ2 and she longed to be with ,him1 where ,he is4 ,during the past three months especially1 she had passed through very unusual exercises of mind with reference to this subject2 and it seemed to her as if she had now reached a point beyond which she could not go4 ,she evidently had in view the dreadful sleeplessness1 to which she had been so in bondage for a quarter of a century1 whose grasp had become more and more relentless1 and the effects of which upon her nervous system were such as words can hardly describe4 ,no human being but myself had any conception of her suffering1 both physical and mental1 from this cause4 ,to return to her conversation4444 ,in answer to a question which ,i put to her later1 about her view of heaven and of the relation of the saints in glory to their old friends there and here1 she replied1 in substance1 that to her view heaven is being with ,christ and to be with ,christ is heaven4 ,by this she did not mean1 ,i am sure1 to imply any doubt respecting the immortality of ,christian love and friendship1 or that our individual human affections will survive the grave4 ,often had she delighted herself in the thought of meeting her sainted father and mother in heaven1 of meeting there ,eddy and ,bessie and other dear ones who had gone before2 and certain ,i am1 too1 she believed that those who are gone before retain their peculiar interest in those who are toiling after1 only her mind was so absorbed in the thought of the presence and beatific vision of ,christ in ,his glory that1 for the moment1 it was lost to everything else4 ,she then said that1 in the event of her death1 she would like to be buried in ,dorset1 where we could easily visit her grave4 ,but ,i do not expect to go now1 she added4 ,this meant1 as ,i interpret it1 that she regarded so speedy a departure to be with ,christ as something too good to be true4 ,repeatedly1 when very ill1 she had thought herself on the verge of heaven and had been called back to earth1 and she feared it would be so now4 ,hardly had this never-to-be-forgotten conversation come to a close when her feet entered the swelling of ,jordan1 and found no rest until they walked the sweet fields beyond4 ,her disease 7gastro-enteritis7 returned with great violence2 the medical appliances seemed to have little or no effect2 and the paroxysms of pain were excruciating4 ,a chill1 also1 began to creep over her4 ,about two o'clock1 to my inexpressible relief1 the doctor arrived4 ,her first thought was that he should rest a little and that some ice-cream should be brought to him4 ,in answer to his inquiries she told him that she had never known agony such as she had endured that forenoon1 and he immediately applied remedies adapted to the case4 ,but they afforded only temporary relief4 ,a terrible restlessness seized upon her and would not let go its hold4 ,towards evening she got into the sea-chair1 and remained in it near the open window until morning4 ,on leaving for the night ,dr4 ,wyman intrusted her to the care of ,dr4 ,slocum1 who had recently come to ,dorset4 ,dr4 ,s4 remained with her all night and was indefatigable in trying to alleviate her sufferings4 ,how kind he is6 she said to me once when he had left the room4 ,m4 sat up with me till towards morning and assisted in giving the medicines4 ,her distress could only be assuaged by inhaling chloroform every few minutes and by the constant use of ice4 ,as from time to time1 going down for the ice1 ,i stepped out on the piazza1 the scene that met my eye was in strange contrast to the one ,i had just left4 ,within the sick-chamber it was a night dark with suffering and anxiety2 as the hours passed slowly away1 my heart almost died in the shadow of the coming event2 all was gloom and agitation except the sweet patience of the sufferer4 ,but the beauty and stillness of the night out of doors was something marvellous4 ,the light of the great harvest moon was like the light of the sun4 ,it flooded hills and valley with its splendor4 ,the outlines of each mountain1 of every tree1 and of all visible objects1 far or near1 were as distinct as those of the stars1 or of the moon itself4 ,as ,i stood and gazed upon the infinite beauty of the scene1 ,i felt1 as never in my life before1 how helpless is ,nature in the presence of a great trouble4 ,the beauty of the night was fully matched by that of the morning4 ,as the first rays of the sun crossed the mountains and shone down upon the valley1 ,i said to myself1 even while my heart was racked with anxious foreboding--,how wonderful6 ,how wonderful6 ,monday1 ,aug4 #abth4--,for some hours she seemed much more comfortable1 and1 in the course of the morning1 of her own accord1 was removed from the chair to the bed4 ,on ,monday morning 7writes ,dr4 ,wyman7 ,i found her with temperature nearly normal1 pulse less than #ajj1 and other symptoms improved4 ,this gave us hope that the worst was passed1 but it was only the lull before the storm4 ,she was for the most part quiet and took little notice of anything that was going on4 ,during the forenoon ,m4 tried to get some rest in the sea-chair by the window1 while ,hatty kept her place by the bed4 ,several times ,lizzy looked round the room as if in quest of some one4 ,hatty perceiving this and guessing what it meant1 stepped aside 7she was between the bed and the chair so as to intercept the view71 when she fixed her eyes upon ,m4 and rested as if she had found what she sought4 ,having been up most of the night1 ,i also tried to get a little rest in another room1 and later went out in search of a nurse and engaged an excellent one1 ,mrs4 ,c41 who came early in the afternoon4 ,notwithstanding my deep anxiety ,i was deceived by the more favorable symptoms1 and did not allow myself1 during the day1 to think she would not recover4 ,in the early evening ,i wrote to ,a41 who was absent in ,maine3 ,i am sorry to say that your mother had a very trying day yesterday and has been extremely weak and exhausted to-day4444 ,nervous prostration appears to be the great trouble4 ,she has rested quietly much of the time to-day and the medicines seem to be doing their work2 and in a couple of days1 ,i trust1 she may be greatly improved4 ,you know how these ill-turns upset her and how quickly she often rallies from them4 ,she is very anxious you should not shorten your visit on her account4 ,soon after this letter was written1 the whole aspect of the case suddenly changed4 ,the unfavorable symptoms had returned with renewed violence4 ,dr4 ,w4 asked her1 during one of the paroxysms1 about the pain4 ,she answered that it was not a pain--it was a distress1 an agony4 ,but from first to last she never uttered a groan--not during the sharpest paroxysms of distress4 ,she seemed to say to herself1 in the words of two favorite ,german mottoes1 which she had illumined and placed on the wall over her bed1 ,geduld1 ,mein ,herz6 7,patience1 ,my ,heart67--,stille1 ,mein ,wille6 7,still1 ,my ,will67 ,the patient and uncomplaining manner1 writes ,dr4 ,wyman1 in which the most agonizing pains which it has ever been my lot to witness were borne--with no repining1 no murmur1 no fretfulness1 but quiet1 peaceful submission to endure and suffer--will not soon be forgotten4 ,at eleven o'clock1 when the doctor left1 ,i sent the nurse away for a couple of hours rest and took her place by the sick-bed4 ,lizzy1 who had already begun to feel the effects of the morphine1 lay motionless1 and breathed somewhat heavily1 but not alarmingly so4 ,tuesday1 ,aug4 #acth4--,shortly after one o'clock ,i called the nurse and1 directing her to summon me at once in the event of any change1 retired to the green-room for a little rest4 ,the girls had been persuaded before the doctor left1 to throw themselves on their bed4 ,everything was quiet until about three o'clock1 when ,hatty knocked at my door with a message from the nurse4 ,i hurried down and saw at the first glance as ,i entered the room1 that a great change had taken place4 ,it seemed as if ,i heard the crack of doom and that the world was of a sudden going to pieces4 ,i went to ,g4's room1 woke him1 told him what ,i feared1 and desired him to go for ,dr4 ,slocum as quickly as possible4 ,he was dressed in an instant1 as it were1 and gone4 ,in the meantime ,i woke ,h41 and told him his mother1 ,i feared1 was dying4 ,when ,dr4 ,slocum arrived he felt her pulse1 looked at her and listened to her breathing for a minute or two1 and then1 turning slowly to me1 said1 ,it is death6 ,this was not far from four o'clock4 ,i asked if ,i had better send at once for ,dr4 ,wyman8 ,he can do nothing for her1 was the reply1 but you had better send4 ,i requested ,g4 to call ,albert1 and tell him to go for ,dr4 ,w4 as fast as possible4 ,i will saddle ,prince and go myself1 ,g4 said2 and in a few minutes he was riding rapidly towards ,factory ,point4 ,i then knocked at ,dr4 ,poor's door4 ,upon opening it and being told what was coming1 he was so completely stunned that he could with difficulty utter a word4 ,he had arrived the previous afternoon on the same train by which ,dr4 ,vincent left4 ,i had tried by telegraph to prevent his coming2 but a kind ,providence so ordered it that my message reached ,burlington1 where he had been on a visit1 just after he had started for ,dorset4 ,the night1 like that of ,sunday1 was as day for brightness4 ,never shall ,i forget its wondrous beauty1 although it seemed only a mockery of my distress4 ,soon after the first rays of the sun appeared1 ,dr4 ,wyman came1 but only to repeat1 ,it is death4 ,i asked him how long she might be a dying4 ,perhaps several hours2 but she may drop away at any moment4 ,we all gathered about her bed and watched the ebbing tide of life4 ,the girls were already kneeling together on the left side4 ,they never changed their posture for more than four hours2 they wept1 but made no noise4 ,the boys stood at the foot of the bed1 deeply moved1 but calm and self-possessed4 ,the strain was fearful2 and yet it was relieved by blessed thoughts and consolations4 ,although the chamber of death1 it was the chamber of peace1 and a light not of earth shone down upon us all4 ,he who was seen walking1 unhurt1 in the midst of the fire and whose form was like the ,son of ,god1 seemed to overshadow us with ,his presence4 ,as the end drew near1 we all knelt together and my old friend1 ,dr4 ,poor1 commended the departing spirit to ,god and invoked for us1 who were about to be so heavily bereaved1 the solace and support of the blessed ,comforter4444 ,the breathing had now grown slower and less convulsive1 and at length became gentle almost like that of one asleep2 the distressed look changed into a look of sweet repose2 the eyes shut2 the lips closed2 and the whole scene recalled her own lines3 ,oh1 where are words to tell the joy unpriced ,of the rich heart1 that breasting waves no more1 ,drifts thus to shore1 ,laden with peace and tending unto ,christ6 ,about half-past seven it became evident that the mortal struggle was on the point of ending4 ,for several minutes we could scarcely tell whether she still lived or not2 and at twenty minutes before eight she drew one long breath and all was over4 ,again we knelt together1 and in our behalf ,dr4 ,poor gave thanks to ,almighty ,god for the blessed saint now at rest in ,him--and for all she had been to us and all she had done for ,him1 through the grace of ,christ her ,saviour4 ,the following account of the burial was written by the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,vincent and appeared in the ,new ,york ,evangelist3 ,,dorset1 ,,vt4 ,august #af1 #ahgh4 ,this lovely valley has been1 for the past few days1 a valley of the shadow4 ,it is not the least significant tribute to one so widely known as ,mrs4 ,prentiss1 that her death has affected with such real sorrow1 and with such a deep sense of loss1 this little rural community which has been her home during a large part of the last ten years4 ,it would have been hard to find among all who gathered at the funeral services on ,wednesday1 a face which did not bear the marks of true sorrow and of tender sympathy2 while from the groups of sunburned farmers gathered round the door or walking towards the cemetery1 were often heard the words a great loss4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the funeral took place at the house on ,wednesday afternoon1 and was conducted by the ,rev4 ,p4 ,s4 ,pratt1 pastor of the old ,congregational ,church of ,dorset2 assisted by ,dr4 ,vincent1 and ,dr4 ,d4 ,w4 ,poor4 ,mr4 ,pratt read the twenty-third ,psalm and a part of the fourteenth chapter of ,john1 which was followed by the hymn1 ,o gift of gifts1 ,o grace of faith1 after which ,dr4 ,poor delivered a most appropriate1 tender1 and interesting address4 ,dr4 ,vincent then offered prayer1 and the hymn ,nearer1 my ,god1 to ,thee1 was sung1 closing the services at the house4 ,the large assemblage passed in succession by the casket1 where lay such an image of perfect rest as one is rarely favored to see4 ,all traces of struggle and pain had faded from the expressive face1 and nothing was left but the sweetness of eternal repose4 ,it was now a little after six o'clock1 and the shadows were lengthening in the valley at the close of one of those rare days of the ripe summer1 which only the hill-countries develop in their perfect loveliness4 ,the long procession moved from the house1 and at the distance of about a quarter of a mile entered the little cemetery2 and as it mounted the slope on which was the grave1 the scene was one of most pathetic beauty4 ,standing in the shadow of the hills which bound the valley on the east1 the eye ranged southward to the long1 undulating outline of the ,green ,mountain1 coming round to the ,equinox range on the west1 muffled thick to its very crest with the green maples and pines1 and still farther round to the bold hills and sloping uplands on the north4 ,below lay the quiet village1 at our feet ,god's acre1 with the train of mourners winding among the white stones4 ,who could stand there1 compassed about by the mountains1 and in the shadow of that great sorrow1 and not whisper the words of the ,pilgrim ,psalm1 ,i will lift up mine eyes unto the hills4 ,whence should help come to me8 ,my help cometh from ,jehovah1 who made heaven and earth4 ,as the casket was borne to the grave1 the setting sun1 which for the last half hour had been hidden by a mass of clouds1 burst out in full splendor1 gilding the mountain-tops and shedding his parting rays upon the group around the tomb1 the stricken family1 the weeping neighbors and friends1 especially the women whom for some years past she had been in the habit of meeting at her weekly ,bible-reading1 and some of whom had walked each week for miles along the mountain roads1 through storm and heat1 to drink of the living waters which flowed at her touch4 ,dr4 ,vincent1 holding in his hand a little1 well-worn volume1 and standing at the foot of the grave1 spoke substantially as follows3 ,i am glad1 my friends1 that ,i am not one of those who know ,god only as they find ,him identified with the woods and fields and streams4 ,if this were so1 ,i should turn from the grave of this beloved friend1 and go my way in utter heart-sickness and hopelessness2 for ,nature would but mock me to-day with her fulness of summer life4 ,these forest-clad mountains1 that waving grain1 those woods1 pulsating with the hum of insects and with the song of birds1 all speak of life1 while we stand here at the close of a precious and useful human life1 to lay in the dust all that remains of what was so dear1 and so fruitful in good4 ,but1 thanks to ,god1 we are not here as those who face an insoluble riddle4 ,we believe in the ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 and in the resurrection of the dead2 and with this key in our hand1 we stand here at the grave's mouth1 and looking backward1 interpret the lesson of this closed life2 and looking forward1 gaze with hope into the future4 ,thus ,nature becomes our consoler instead of our mocker2 a type1 and not a contradiction of human immortality4 ,thus1 and only thus1 do we find ourselves at the standpoint from which ,christ viewed nature when ,he said1 ,except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die it abideth alone2 but if it die1 it bringeth forth much fruit2 the standpoint from which ,paul viewed nature when he wrote1 ,that which thou sowest is not quickened except it die2 and that which thou sowest1 thou sowest not that body which shall be1 but bare grain1 it may chance of wheat1 or of some other grain2 but ,god giveth it a body as ,he willeth1 and to every seed his own body4 ,so also is the resurrection of the dead4 ,it is sown in corruption1 it is raised in incorruption4 ,it is sown in dishonor1 it is raised in glory4 ,it is sown in weakness1 it is raised in power4 ,it is sown a natural body1 it is raised a spiritual body4 ,and thus too we can understand the words which ,i read from this little volume1 the daily companion of our friend for many years1 containing a passage of ,scripture for every day in the year1 and marked everywhere with her notes of special anniversaries and memorable incidents4 ,was it merely an accidental coincidence that1 on the morning of the thirteenth of ,august1 on which she exchanged earth for heaven1 the passage for the day was1 ,i heard a voice from heaven saying unto me1 ,write1 ,blessed are the dead which die in the ,lord1 from henceforth1 yea1 saith the ,spirit1 that they may rest from their labors1 and their works do follow them4 ,there are two thoughts in this verse which seem to me to be fraught with comfort and hope to us as we gather round this grave4 ,there is the thought of rest4 ,they rest from their labors4 ,bethink you of the long life marked by the discipline of sorrow1 and by those unwearied labors for others4 ,bethink you of the racking agony of the last two days2 and how blessed1 how soothing the contrast introduced by the words--,she rests from her labors4 ,still is the busy hand2 at rest the active brain2 completed the discipline2 the pain ended forever4 ,the other thought is that her work is not done1 so far as its results are concerned4 ,their works do follow them4 ,think you that because she will no longer meet you in her weekly ,bible-readings1 because her pen will no more indite the thoughts which have made so many patient under life's burdens1 and helped so many to make of their burdens steps on which to mount heavenward--think you her work is ended8 ,nay4 ,go into yonder field1 and pluck a single head of wheat1 and plant the grains1 and you know that out of each grain which falls into the ground and dies1 there shall spring up an hundred-fold4 ,shall you recognise so much multiplying power in a corn of wheat1 and not discern the infinitely greater power of multiplication enfolded in a holy life and in a holy thought8 ,no4 ,through the long years in which her mortal remains shall be quietly resting beneath this sod1 the work of her tongue and pen shall be reproducing itself in new forms of power1 of faith1 and of patience4 ,and yet we seem to want something more than these two thoughts give us4 ,it does not satisfy us to contemplate only rest from labor and the perpetuated fruits of labor4 ,and that something this same little volume gives us in the words appointed for this day1 on which we commit her mortal part to the grave3 ,for ,god is not unrighteous to forget your work and labor of love1 which ye have showed toward ,his name1 in that ye have ministered to the saints and do minister4 ,be not slothful1 but followers of them who1 through faith and patience1 inherit the promises4 ,here the veil is lifted1 and we get the glimpse we want of her inheritance and reward in heaven4 ,she has inherited the promises2 such promises as these3 ,if children1 then heirs1 heirs of ,god1 and joint-heirs with ,christ2 if so be that we suffer with ,him1 that we may be also glorified together4 ,they shall hunger no more1 neither thirst any more1 neither shall the sun light on them1 nor any heat2 for the ,lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them1 and shall lead them to living fountains of waters1 and ,god shall wipe away all tears from their eyes4 ,they shall see ,his face1 and ,his name shall be in their foreheads4 ,to him that overcometh will ,i grant to sit with me in my throne1 even as ,i also overcame1 and am set down with my ,father in ,his throne4 ,thus we commit this mortal body to the ground in hope1 and with assurances of victory4 ,oh1 it is one of the most wonderful of facts1 that at the grave's very portal1 amid all the tears and desolation which death brings1 we can stand and sing hymns of triumph--even that song which1 from the morning when the angels met ,mary at the ,lord's empty supulchre1 has been sounding over the graves of the dead in ,christ--,o death1 where is thy sting8 ,o grave1 where is thy victory8 ,the sting of death is sin2 and the strength of sin is the law2 but thanks be to ,god1 who giveth us the victory through our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,how sweet1 how impressive1 is this scene6 ,no wonder that we linger here while ,nature1 at this evening hour1 speaks to us so tenderly and beautifully of rest4 ,even as yonder clouds break from the setting sun1 and are tinged with glory by its parting beams1 so our sorrow is illumined by this truth of the ,resurrection4 ,there is no terror in death1 and relieved by such a faith and hope1 our thoughts are all of peace1 and flow naturally into the mould of those familiar lines3 ,so fades a summer cloud away1 ,so sinks the gale when storms are o'er1 ,so gently shuts the eye of day1 ,so dies a wave along the shore4 ,but this scene is adapted also to kindle aspiration in our hearts-- aspiration to be followers of them who1 through faith and patience1 inherit the promises4 ,her victory over death is the victory of love to ,christ2 and that same victory may be yours through the same ,christ in whose name she conquered4 ,shall we not pray that ,his love may be shed abroad in all our hearts in richer measure8 ,and can we better frame that prayer than in those lines which she wrote out of her own heart8 ,let us then sing ,,more ,,love ,,to ,,thee1 ,o ,,christ4 ,more love1 ,o ,christ1 to ,thee6 ,hear ,thou the prayer ,i make ,on bended knee3 ,this is my earnest plea1-- ,more love1 ,o ,christ1 to ,thee6 ,more love1 ,o ,christ1 to ,thee6 ,more love to ,thee4 ,once earthly joy ,i craved1 ,sought peace and rest2 ,now ,thee alone ,i seek2 ,give what is best6 ,this all my prayer shall be1-- ,more love1 ,o ,christ1 to ,thee6 ,more love to ,thee4 ,let sorrow do its work1 ,send grief and pain2 ,sweet are ,thy messengers1 ,sweet their refrain1 ,when they can sing with me ,more love1 ,o ,christ1 to ,thee6 ,more love to ,thee4 ,then shall my latest breath ,whisper ,thy praise6 ,this be the parting cry ,my heart shall raise1 ,this still its prayer shall be1 ,more love1 ,o ,christ1 to ,thee6 ,more love to ,thee4 ,after the singing of these words1 ,mr4 ,pratt1 according to the old country custom1 returned thanks to the assembled friends in the name of the family1 for their sympathy and aid in the burial of their dead4 ,the several members of the household each laid a floral offering upon the casket lid1 and the body was lowered into the grave4 ,dr4 ,vincent uttered the solemn words of committal to the dust1 and ,dr4 ,poor pronounced the parting blessing in the words1 ,the ,god of peace who brought again from the dead our ,lord ,jesus1 that ,great ,shepherd of the sheep1 through the blood of the ,everlasting ,covenant1 make you perfect in every good work to do ,his will1 working in you that which is well-pleasing in ,his sight1 through ,jesus ,christ1 to whom be glory forever and ever4 ,amen4 ,thus the valley of the shadow has been irradiated4 ,to those who have been permitted to participate in these closing scenes1 it has seemed like standing at heaven's gate4 ,the valley of the shadow has become a transfiguration mountain1 where we have seen the ,lord4 99 99 99 99 99 ,hardly had the news of her death left ,dorset when there began to pour in upon its stricken household a stream of the tenderest ,christian sympathy2 nor did the stream cease until it had brought loving messages from the remotest parts of the land4 ,her friends seemed overcome with special wonder that she could have died1 so vividly was she associated in their thoughts with life and sunlight4 ,for months1 too1 after the return of the family to their city home1 letters from far and near continued to bear witness to the mingled emotions of sorrow and of thanksgiving excited by her sudden departure from earth--sorrow for a great personal loss2 thanksgiving that she had gone to be forever with the ,lord4 ,a little volume of selections from these varied testimonies would form a very touching and precious tribute to her memory4 ,the human heart1 to use her own words1 was made by so delicate1 so cunning a hand1 that it needs less than a breath to put it out of tune2 and an invisible touch1 known only to its own consciousness1 may set all its silvery bells to ringing out a joyous chime4 ,happy he1 thrice blessed she1 who is striving to hush its discords and to awaken its harmonies by never so imperceptible a motion6 ,surely1 the triple benediction belonged to her4 ,already tens of thousands1 both young and old1 who never saw her face1 but have been aided and cheered by her writings1 gladly call her thrice blessed4 ,may this story of her life serve to increase their number and so to render her name dearer still4 ,above all1 may it help to inspire some other souls with her own impassioned and adoring love to our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 #a ,she was specially touched by the sudden decease of ,mrs4 ,harriet ,woolsey ,hodge1 of ,philadelphia1 to whom both for her mother's and her own sake she was warmly attached4 #b ,j4 ,cleveland ,cady1 the distinguished architect4 #c ,mrs4 ,antoinette ,donaghe died at ,staunton1 ,va41 ,april #ad1 #ahhb4 ,her last years were passed amid great bodily sufferings1 which she bore with the patience of a saint4 ,she was a woman of uncommon excellence1 a true ,christian lady1 and much endeared to a wide circle of friends in ,new ,haven1 ,new ,york1 and elsewhere4 ,her husband1 ,mr4 ,james ,donaghe1 a most worthy man1 for many years a prominent citizen of ,new ,haven1 died on the #ast of ,january1 #ahgh4 ,he and ,mrs4 ,donaghe were among the original members of the ,church of the ,covenant4 #d ,the book alluded to is ,letters of ,thomas ,erskine of ,linlathen4 ,from #ahjj till #ahdj4 ,edited by ,dr4 ,hanna1 and republished by ,g4 ,p4 ,putnam's ,sons4 ,the ,duchess de ,broglie was born in ,paris1 in #agig1 and died in ,september1 #ahch1 at the age of forty-one4 ,she was the only daughter of the celebrated ,madame de ,stael4 ,some pleasant glimpses of her are given in the ,life1 ,letters1 and ,journals of ,george ,ticknor4 ,vol4 ,i41 pp4 #abh-aci4 ,vol4 ,,ii41 pp4 #ajc-aci4 #e ,the portrait in this volume is from a drawing by ,miss ,crocker1 engraved by ,a4 ,h4 ,ritchie4 ,miss ,c41 after pursuing her studies for some time in ,paris1 has opened a studio in ,new ,york4 #f ,in this letter she told me how much good ,stepping ,heavenward had done her and how sorry she felt on hearing of ,mrs4 ,p4's death1 that she had never written1 as she longed to do1 to thank her for it4 ,dear soul6 7she added7 perhaps she knows now how many hearts she has lifted up and comforted by her wonderful words4--,from a letter of ,mrs4 ,w4 #g ,mr4 ,washburn died on ,sunday1 the #ahth of ,september1 #ahha1 aged #hj years4 ,he was born in ,farmington1 ,conn4 ,his father1 the ,rev4 ,joseph ,washburn1 pastor of the ,congregational ,church in ,f41 was cut off in the prime of a beautiful and saintly manhood4 ,he inherited some of his father's most attractive traits and was a model of ,christian fidelity and uprightness4 ,in a notice which appeared in the ,new ,york ,evangelist1 shortly after his death1 ,president ,porter1 of ,yale ,college1 whose father succeeded the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,washburn as pastor of the church in ,farmington1 thus refers to his life at ,wildwood3 ,some twenty years since he retired for a part of eight years to the singularly beautiful house which was selected and prepared by the taste of himself and wife1 near ,east ,river1 a district in ,madison1 which he has for several years made his permanent residence4 ,his life was singularly even in its course and happy in its allotments2 a blessing to himself and a blessing to the world4 ,his memory will long be cherished by the many who knew him as one whom to know was to love and honor4 #h ,mr4 ,isaac ,farwell1 or ,uncle ,isaac1 as everybody called him1 was the most remarkable man in ,dorset4 ,he died in #ahha in the #ajb;d year of his age4 ,his centennial was celebrated on the #adth of ,july1 #ahgi2 the whole town joining in it4 ,he was full of interest in life1 retained his mental powers unimpaired1 and would relate incidents that occurred in the last century1 as if they had just happened4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss was fond of meeting him3 and after her departure he delighted to recall his talks with her and to tell where he had seen her creeping through fences1 laden with rustic trophies1 as she and her daughter came home from their tramps in the fields and over the hills4 #i ,the following is an extract from a letter of ,mrs4 ,m4 giving an account of the interview3 ,it was of her ,i thought1 as an hour before sunset1 on that day1 ,i passed through the grounds to the door of her beautiful home4 ,i thought of her as ,i had seen her busy at work among her flowers on the morning of the day when the fatal illness began1 wearing a straw hat1 with broad brim to protect her from the heat of the sun4 ,several of her family were standing around her1 and the pleasant picture we saw as we drove by the lovely lawn is fresh and green in my memory now4 ,once1 after this1 ,i had seen her1 at our last precious ,bible-reading 7though little thought we then it would be our last71 when she so earnestly urged us to be true witnesses for our ,master and ,lord and gently bade us ,god-speed1 encouraging us also1 as she expressed it1 by the particular desire of my husband to-day1 in the heavenward path4 ,i knew that she was not quite well1 and as ,i entered the house was invited to her chamber4 ,i found her attired as usual1 but reclining on the bed1 apparently only for quiet rest4 ,her greeting was warm1 her eyes bright1 she was very cheerful1 and1 ,i think1 was not then suffering from pain4 ,to my inquiries after her health1 she replied1 that she had been at first prostrated by the heat of the sun1 remaining at work in it too long1 with no idea of danger from the exposure2 but now1 she said1 ,i do not think much is the matter with me--though afterwards she added1 ,the doctor has said something to my husband which has alarmed him about me1 and he is anxious1 but ,i can not perceive any reason for this4 ,we talked of many familiar things1 even of home-like methods of cookery1 and she kindly sent for a small manuscript receipt-book of her own to lend me1 looking it over and turning down the leaves at some particular receipts which she approved1 and those were my mother's1 she said of several4 ,she spoke of her engagements and the guests she loved to entertain1 adding that she thought ,god had given this pleasant home1 surrounded by such beautiful things in nature1 that others too might be made happy in enjoying them4 ,all the time while listening to her remarks1 and deeply interested in every one she made1 the strong desire was in my heart to speak to her of her works1 of my appreciation of their great usefulness1 and how ,god had blessed her in permitting her to do so much to benefit others4 ,i longed to say to her1 ,o had you only written the books for the little ones1 ',little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays1' and its companions1 it would have been well worth living for6 had you never written anything but ',the ,flower of the ,family1' it were a blessing for you to have lived6 ,and ',stepping ,heavenward'--what a privilege to have lived to write only that volume6 ,i could scarcely refrain from pouring out before her the thoughts which warmed my heart1 but ,i had been told that she preferred not to be spoken to of her works1 and ,i refrained4 ,only once1 when we were alone1 ,i said1 with some emotion1 ,i am so glad to have seen you2 it was because you were here that ,i wished to come to this village2 this was the strong attraction4 444 ,thus ,i parted from her4 ,i shall not look upon her again until the day when those who sleep in ,jesus shall ,god bring with ,him4 ,,appendix ,a4 ,the allusion is to a young officer of the navy1 ,james ,swan ,thatcher--a grandson of ,general ,knox1 the friend of ,washington1 and a younger brother of ,lieutenant1 afterwards the gallant ,rear ,admiral1 ,henry ,knox ,thatcher4 ,he had become deeply interested in ,miss ,payson1 and at length solicited her hand4 ,the story of his hopeless attachment to her1 as disclosed after his death1 is most touching4 ,he would spend hours together late into the night in walking about the house1 which1 to borrow his brother's expression1 his love had placed on holy ground4 ,he was a young man of singular purity and nobleness of character--one of a thousand1 to use her own words--and1 although she could not accept him as a lover1 she cherished for him a very cordial friendship4 ,not long after1 he was lost at sea4 ,in later years she often referred to him and his tragical end with the tenderest feeling4 ,the following is an extract from a letter of ,rear ,admiral ,thatcher to her husband1 written several months after her death and shortly before his own3 ,i have read with great interest your reference to my dear and only brother1 ,james ,swan ,thatcher4 ,it carried me back to one of the saddest afflictions of my life4 ,we had both been stationed at ,portland for the purpose of recruiting some of the hardy sons of ,maine as seamen for the ,u4 ,s4 naval service4 ,the wife of the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,dwight had advised my calling upon ,mrs4 ,payson1 ,cumberland street1 to obtain quarters4 ,i did so1 and with my wife removed from a noisy hotel to the quiet of that most desirable retreat4 ,my brother made frequent visits to us1 and1 by invitation of ,mrs4 ,payson1 dined with us on ,sundays1 and passed the hours between meetings1 accompanying the ladies to church in the afternoons4 ,this led to an acquaintance between ,miss ,payson and himself4 ,as they were both highly intellectual and were both stepping heavenward1 they naturally fancied each other's conversation and formed a mutual friendship4 ,until after my dear brother's death ,i never imagined that it was more than a fondness for ,miss ,payson's conversational gifts that induced him to call so frequently at ,cumberland street4444 ,james was unexpectedly ordered to join the ,u4 ,s4 schooner ,grampus at ,norfolk1 ,va41 for a winter cruise on the ,southern coast for relief of distressed merchant vessels4 ,the cruise continued for some weeks without entering any port1 but about the #bjth of ,march1 #ahdc1 the ,grampus appeared off the bar of ,charleston1 ,s4 ,c41 and sent in a letter-bag for mailing4 ,that night there came on a terrible gale and the ,grampus disappeared forever--no vestige of her ever having been seen4 ,she was commanded by ,lt4-,commander ,albert ,e4 ,downes1 a good man and a fine seaman1 and who as a midshipman had sailed with me three years before in the ,pacific4 ,my brother was educated for the law1 and studied his profession with the ,hon4 ,john ,holmes1 and1 after completing his studies1 became ,mr4 ,holmes' law-partner4 ,but he being my only brother1 ,i was very desirous that he should obtain a commission as a purser in the navy1 in order that we might be associated on duty2 and1 at ,mr4 ,h4's request1 he was appointed by ,general ,harrison soon after his inauguration4 ,my brother then joined me in ,portland4 ,it is a consolation to know that he lived and died in the exercise of those ,christian sentiments which were deeply instilled into his mind by the society of your angelic wife1 who has preceded you to our home of rest4 ,god grant that we may all meet there6 99 99 99 99 99 ,b4 ,s4 ,s4 ,,prentiss4 ,one of the best informed writers on the history of the ,revolutionary times and of the war for the ,union thus introduces a notice of ,mr4 ,prentiss3 ,small in stature2 limping in gait2 broad-chested2 a high intellectual forehead2 manly beauty in every feature2 a voice of remarkable sweetness and flexibility2 a mild but deeply penetrating eye2 a most retentive memory2 endowed with varied knowledge by extensive reading2 unrivaled in power of oratory2 frank in thought1 speech1 and manner2 patient and forbearing in temper2 powerfully governed by the affections1 and with unbounded generosity of disposition1 ,seargent ,smith ,prentiss was one of the most remarkable characters in our history4 ,living persons who were adults a generation ago will remember how the newspapers between #ahce and #ahej were filled with his praises as a citizen unapproachable in oratory1 whether he spoke as an advocate at the bar1 a debater in the halls of legislation1 or at occasional public gatherings4 #a ,s4 ,s4 ,prentiss was born at ,portland1 ,maine1 ,september #cj1 #ahjh4 ,while yet an infant1 he was reduced by a violent fever to the verge of the grave and deprived for several years of the use of his limbs1 the right leg remaining lame and feeble to the last4 ,for his partial recovery he was indebted to the unwearied care and devotion of his mother1 herself in delicate health4 ,during the war of #ahab his father removed to ,gorham4 ,at the academy in this town1 then one of the best in ,maine1 ,seargent was fitted for ,bowdoin ,college1 where he was graduated in the class of #ahbf1 at the age of seventeen4 ,after studying law for a year with ,judge ,pierce1 of ,gorham1 he set out for what was at that day the ,far ,west1 in quest of fortune4 ,having tarried a few months at ,cincinnati1 he then made his way down the ,mississippi to ,natchez1 where he obtained the situation of tutor in a private family4 ,here he completed his legal studies2 was admitted to the bar in ,june1 #ahbi1 soon afterwards became the law-partner of ,gen4 ,felix ,huston1 and almost at a bound stood in the front rank of his profession in the ,state4 ,boundless good-nature1 to use the language of ,dr4 ,lossing2 keen logic2 quickness and aptness at repartee2 overflowing but kindly wit2 an absolute earnestness and sincerity in all he undertook to do1 made him a universal favorite in every circle4 ,in #ahcb ,mr4 ,prentiss removed to ,vicksburg4 ,john ,m4 ,chilton1 a leading member of the bar of that place1 thus describes his first appearance in the ,circuit ,court of ,warren county3 ,there arrived1 with other members of the bar1 from ,natchez1 a limping youth in plain garb1 but in whose bearing there was a manly1 indeed almost a haughty1 mien2 in whose cheek a rich glow1 telling the influence of more northern climes2 in whose eye a keen but meditative expression2 and in whose voice and conversation a vivacity and originality that attracted every one1 and drew around him1 wherever he appeared1 a knot of listeners1 whose curiosity invariably yielded in a few moments to admiration and delight4 ,there was then a buzz of inquiry1 succeeded by a pleased look of friendly recognition1 and a closer approach1 and in most instances an introduction1 to the object of this general attraction1 so soon as it was told that the stranger was ,s4 ,s4 ,prentiss1 of ,natchez4 ,his fame had preceded him1 and men were surprised to see only beardless youth in one whose speeches1 and learning1 and wit1 and fine social qualities1 had already rendered him at ,natchez the observed of all observers4 ,society in the ,southwest at that day was full of perils to young men1 especially to young men of talent and generous1 impressionable natures4 ,drinking1 duelling1 and gambling widely prevailed4 ,it was a period of flush times1 and wild1 reckless habits4 ,mr4 ,prentiss did not wholly escape the contagion2 but his faults and errors were very much exaggerated in many of the stories that found currency concerning him4 ,one of his friends wrote after his death3 ,i have heard many anecdotes of him1 which ,i considered of doubtful authority2 for he is a traditional character all over ,mississippi--their ,cid1 their ,wallace1 their ,coeur de ,lion1 and all the old stories are wrought over again1 and annexed to his name4 ,another of his friends1 who knew him long and intimately1 the late ,balie ,peyton1 of ,tennessee1 testified3 ,no man ever left a purer fame than ,seargent ,s4 ,prentiss1 in all that constitutes high honor and spotless integrity of character4 ,his principles remained as pure1 and his heart continued as warm and fresh1 as at the instant he bade farewell to his mother4 ,from his settlement at ,vicksburg his career as a lawyer was one of remarkable success2 and it were hard to say in what department of his profession he most excelled1 whether in the varied contests of the ,nisi ,prius courts1 in an argument on a difficult question of legal construction1 or in discussing a fundamental principle of jurisprudence4 ,in #ahcc1 at the age of #bd1 he appeared before the ,supreme ,court at ,washington1 where1 in spite of his youth1 he at once attracted the notice of ,chief ,justice ,marshall4 ,i made a speech three or four hours long 7he wrote to his mother72 and ,i suppose you will say ,i have acquired a great deal of brass since ,i left home1 when ,i tell you that ,i was not at all abashed or alarmed in addressing so grave a set of men as their ,honors the ,judges of the ,supreme ,court of the ,united ,states4 ,in attending the circuit courts of ,mississippi he had experiences of the roughest sort and many a hairbreadth escape4 ,he wrote3 ,i travel entirely on horseback2 and have had to swim1 on my horse1 over creeks and bayous that would astonish you ,northerners4 ,beyond ,pearl river ,i had to ride1 and repeatedly to swim1 through a swamp four miles in extent1 in which the water was all the time up to the horse's belly4 ,what do you think of that for a lawyer's life8 ,in the winter of #ahcf-g he won the great ,commons suit1 which involved a considerable portion of the town of ,vicksburg4 ,this made him1 as was supposed1 one of the richest men in the ,state4 ,about this time he was induced to run for the legislature of ,mississippi4 ,he was elected1 and at once took a foremost position as leader of his party4 ,the next summer he visited his home1 and by a speech at a ,whig political meeting in ,portland1 on the ,fourth of ,july1 he so electrified his hearers by his eloquence that he was pronounced1 in the ,east1 the most finished orator of his time2 as he really was4 ,he became a candidate for a seat in ,congress1 and made the most remarkable electioneering canvass ever recorded4 ,traveling on horseback1 he visited forty-five counties in a sparsely-settled country4 ,for ten weeks he traveled thirty miles each week-day1 and spoke each day two hours4 ,he had announced his engagements beforehand1 and never missed one4 ,mississippi was a strong ,jackson ,state1 but ,mr4 ,prentiss carried it for the ,whigs4 ,his seat was contested by his ,democratic opponent1 and his speech in the ,house of ,representatives at ,washington in favor of his claim gained for him a national reputation as the greatest orator of the age4 ,it occupied three days in its delivery4 ,he had not spoken long before intelligence of his wonderful oratory reached the ,senate chamber and drew its members to the other ,house4 ,rumors of his speech ran through the city1 and before it was concluded the anxiety to hear him became intense4 ,the galleries of the ,house became densely packed1 chiefly with ladies1 and the lobbies were crowded with foreign ministers1 heads of departments1 judges1 officers of the army and navy1 and distinguished citizens4 ,among the charmed auditors were the best ,american statesmen of the time who then occupied seats in both branches of ,congress--,john ,quincy ,adams leading those of the ,representatives1 and ,daniel ,webster and ,henry ,clay of the ,senate4 ,the entire self-possession of ,mr4 ,prentiss1 then only twenty-nine years of age1 never forsook him in such an august presence4 ,there was no straining for effect1 no trick of oratory2 but1 from the first to the last sentence1 everything in manner1 as in matter1 seemed perfectly natural1 as if he were addressing a jury on an ordinary question of law4 ,this feature of his speech--this evidence of sincerity in every word--with the almost boyish beauty of his face1 bound his distinguished audience as with a magic spell4 ,when1 at the conclusion of the speech1 ,mr4 ,webster left the hall1 he remarked to a friend1 with his comprehensive brevity1 ,nobody can equal that6 #b ,mr4 ,prentiss was rejected by the casting vote of the ,speaker1 ,mr4 ,polk1 and the election sent back to the people2 when1 after another extraordinary canvass1 he was triumphantly returned4 ,after the adjournment of ,congress he visited his mother in ,portland4 ,about this time a great reception was given to ,mr4 ,webster1 as defender of the ,constitution1 in ,faneuil ,hall1 and ,mr4 ,prentiss was invited to be present and address the assemblage4 ,his speech on the occasion is still fresh in the memory of all who heard it4 ,he was called upon late in the evening1 and after a succession of very able speakers2 but hardly had the vast audience heard the tap of his cane1 as he stepped forward1 and caught the first sound of his marvellous voice1 when he held them1 as it were1 spell-bound4 ,before he had uttered a word1 indeed1 he had taken possession of his audience by his very look--for1 when aroused by a great occasion1 his countenance flashed like a diamond4 ,gov4 ,everett1 who presided at the banquet1 himself an orator of classic power1 thus referred to ,mr4 ,prentiss' address1 in a letter written more than a dozen years later3 ,it seemed to me the most wonderful specimen of sententious fluency ,i had ever witnessed4 ,the words poured from his lips in a torrent1 but the sentences were correctly formed1 the matter grave and important1 the train of thought distinctly pursued1 the illustrations wonderfully happy1 drawn from a wide range of reading1 and aided by a brilliant imagination4 ,that it was a carefully prepared speech1 no one could believe for a moment4 ,it was the overflow of a full mind1 swelling in the joyous excitement of the friendly reception1 kindling with the glowing themes suggested by the occasion1 and not unmoved by the genius of the place4 ,sitting by ,mr4 ,webster1 ,i asked him if he had ever heard anything like it8 ,he answered1 ,never1 except from ,mr4 ,prentiss himself4 ,political life was exceedingly distasteful to ,mr4 ,prentiss and he soon abandoned it and returned with fresh zeal to the practice of his profession4 ,the applauses of the world seemed never for an instant to deceive him4 ,he wrote after a great speech at ,nashville1 addressed1 it was estimated1 to #dj1jjj people3 ,they heap compliments upon me till ,i am almost crushed beneath them4 ,and yet in the midst of such popular ovations he wrote to his sister3 ,i laugh at those who look upon the uncertain1 slight1 and changeable regards of the multitude1 as worthy even of comparison with the true affection of one warm heart4 ,i have ever yearned for affection2 ,i believe it is the only thing of which ,i am avaricious4 ,i never had any personal ambition1 and do not recollect the time when ,i would not have exchanged the applause of thousands for the love of one of my fellow-beings4 ,in #ahdb his yearning for affection was satisfied by his marriage to ,miss ,mary ,jane ,williams1 of ,natchez2 and henceforth his life was full of the sweetest domestic peace and joy4 ,from the moment of first leaving home he had carried on a constant correspondence with his mother1 sisters1 and brothers1 in the ,north2 and he kept it up while he lived4 ,he took a special interest in the education of his youngest brother1 and at one time had planned to join him in ,germany for purposes of study and travel4 ,all the later years of his life were years of unwearied toil and struggle4 ,in #ahde a case involving the validity of his title to the ,commons property1 was decided against him in the ,supreme ,court of the ,united ,states2 thus wresting from him at a blow that property and the costly buildings which he had erected upon it4 ,in consequence of this misfortune and of his abhorrence of repudiation1 which1 in spite of his determined opposition1 had1 unhappily1 been foisted upon his adopted ,state1 he removed to ,new ,orleans in #ahdf4 ,here1 notwithstanding that he had to master a new system of law1 he at once took his natural position as a leader of the bar2 and but for failing health1 would no doubt have in the end repaired his shattered fortunes and made himself a still more brilliant name among the remarkable men of the country4 ,he died at ,natchez1 ,july #a1 #ahej1 in the forty-second year of his age1 universally beloved and lamented4 ,he left a wife and four young children1 three of whom still survive4 ,mr4 ,prentiss was a natural orator4 ,even as a boy he attracted everybody's attention by the readiness and charm of his speech4 ,but all this would have contributed little toward giving him his marvellous power over the popular mind and heart1 had he not added to the rare gifts of nature the most diligent culture1 a deep study of life and character1 and a wonderful knowledge of books4 ,the whole treasury of general literature--more especially of ,english poetry and fiction--was at his command2 ,shakespeare1 ,milton1 and ,byron he almost knew by heart2 with the ,bible1 ,pilgrim's ,progress1 and ,sir ,walter ,scott1 he seemed to be equally familiar2 and from all these sources he drew endless illustrations in aid of his argument1 whether it was addressed to a jury1 to a judge1 to the people1 or to the legislative assembly4 ,when1 for example1 he undertook to show the wrongfulness of ,mississippi repudiation1 he would refer to ,wordsworth as a poet and philosopher1 whose good opinion was capable of adding weight even to the character of a nation1 and then expatiate1 with the enthusiasm of a scholar1 upon the noble office of such men in human society4 ,he had corresponded with ,mr4 ,wordsworth and knew that members of his family had suffered heavily from the dishonesty of the ,state2 and perhaps no passages in his great speeches against repudiation were more effective than those in which he thus brought his fine literary taste and feeling to the support of the claims of public honesty4 ,this feature of his oratory1 together with the large ethical element which entered into it1 was1 no doubt1 a principal source of its extraordinary power4 ,it would be hard to say in what department of oratory he most excelled4 ,on this point the following is the testimony of ,henry ,clay1 himself a great orator as well as a great statesman1 and one of ,mr4 ,p4's most devoted and admiring friends3 ,mr4 ,prentiss was distinguished1 as a public speaker1 by a rich1 chaste1 and boundless imagination1 the exhaustless resources of which1 in beautiful language and happy illustrations1 he brought to the aid of a logical power1 which he wielded to a very great extent4 ,always ready and prompt1 his conceptions seemed to me almost intuitive4 ,his voice was fine1 softened1 and1 ,i think1 improved1 by a slight lisp1 which an attentive observer could discern4 ,the great theatres of eloquence and public speaking in the ,united ,states are the legislative hall1 the forum1 and the stump1 without adverting to the pulpit4 ,i have known some of my contemporaries eminently successful on one of these theatres1 without being able to exhibit any remarkable ability on the others4 ,mr4 ,prentiss was brilliant and successful on them all4 ,of the attractions of his personal and social character the testimonies are very striking4 ,judge ,bullard1 in a eulogy pronounced before the bar of ,new ,orleans1 thus refers to his own experience3 ,what can ,i say of the noble qualities of his heart8 ,who can describe the charms of his conversation8 ,old as ,i am1 his society was one of my greatest pleasures--,i became a boy again4 ,his conversation resembled the ever-varying clouds that cluster round the setting sun of a summer evening--their edges fringed with gold1 and the noiseless and harmless flashes of lightning spreading1 from time to time1 over their dark bosom4 ,in a similar strain ,gov4 ,j4 ,j4 ,crittenden1 of ,kentucky1 wrote of him shortly after his death3 ,it was impossible to know him without feeling for him admiration and love4 ,his genius1 so rich and rare2 his heart1 so warm1 generous1 and magnanimous2 and his manners1 so graceful and genial1 could not fail to impress these sentiments upon all who approached him4 ,eloquence was a part of his nature1 and over his private conversations as well as his public speeches it scattered its sparkling jewels with more than royal profusion4 99 99 99 99 99 ,c4 ,here are the first stanzas of some of her favorite ,german hymns1 referred to in this letter3 ,jesus1 ,jesus1 nichts als ,jesus ,soll mein ,wunsch sein und mein ,ziel2 ,jetzund mach ich ein ,verbndniss1 ,dass ich will1 was ,jesus will2 ,denn mein ,herz1 mit ihm erfllt1 ,rufet nur2 ,herr1 wie du willt4 ,written by ,elizabeth1 ,countess of ,schwartzburg1 #afdj-afgb4 ,gott ist gegenwrtig6 ,lasset uns anbeten1 ,und in ,erfurcht vor ihn treten2 ,gott ist in der mitten6 ,alles in uns schweige ,und sich innig vor ihm beuge2 ,wer ihn kennt1 wer ihn nennt1 ,schlagt die ,augen nieder1 ,kommt1 ergebt euch wieder4 ,by ,gerhard ,tersteegen1 #afig-agfi4 ,zum ,ernst1 zum ,ernst ruft ,jesu ,geist inwendig2 ,zum ,ernst ruft auch die ,stimme seiner ,braut2 ,getreu und ganz1 und bis zum ,tod bestndig4 ,ein reines ,herz allein den reinen schaut4 ,by the ,same4 ,wir singen dir1 ,immanuel1 ,du ,lebensfrst und ,gnadenquell1 ,du ,himmelsblum und ,morgenstern1 ,du ,jungfrausohn1 ,herr aller ,herrn4 ,paul ,gerhard1 #afjf-afgf4 ,such1 wer da will1 ein ander ,ziel ,die ,seligkeit zu finden1 ,mein ,herz allein bedacht soll sein ,auf ,christum sich zu grnden3 ,sein ,wort ist wahr1 sein ,werk ist klar1 ,sein heilger ,mund hat ,kraft und ,grund1 ,all ,feind z berwinden4 ,george ,weissel1 #aeij-afce4 ,gott1 mein einziges ,vertrauen1 ,gott1 du meine ,zuversicht1 ,deine ,augen zu mir schauen1 ,deine ,hlf versage mir nicht2 ,lass mich nicht vergeblich schreien1 ,sondern hr und lass gedeihen2 ,so will ich1 ,gott1 halten still1 ,gott1 dein ,will ist auch mein ,will4 ,elizabeth ,eleonore1 ,duchess of ,sax-,meiningen1 #afeh-agbi4 ,o ,durchbrecher aller ,bande1 ,der du immer bei uns bist1 ,bei dem ,shaden1 ,spott und ,schande ,lauter ,lust und ,himmel ist1 ,uebe femer dein ,gerichte ,wider unsern ,adamssinn1 ,bis dein treues ,angesichte ,uns fhrt aus dem ,kerken hin4 ,gotter4 ,arnold1 #afff-agad4 99 99 99 99 99 ,lavater's ,hymn4 ,,he ,,must ,,increase1 ,,but ,i ,,must ,,decrease4 --,john iii4 #cj4 ,o ,jesus ,christus1 ivachs in mir1 ,und alles andre schwinde6 ,mein ,herz sei tglich nher dir1 ,und ferner von der ,snde4 ,lass tglich deine ,huld und ,macht ,um meine ,schwachheit schweben6 ,dein ,licht verschlinge meine ,nacht1 ,und meinen ,tod dein ,leben6 ,beim ,sonnenstrahle deines ,lichts ,lass jeden ,wahn verschwinden6 ,dein ,alles1 ,christus1 und mein nichts1 ,lass tglich mich empfinden4 ,sei nahe mir1 werf ich mich hin1 ,wein ich vor dir in stillen2 ,dein reiner gottgelassner ,sinn ,beherrsche meinen ,willen4 ,blick immer herrlicher aus mir ,voll ,weisheit ,huld und ,freude1 ,ich sei ein lebend ,bild von dir ,im ,gluck1 und wenn ich leide4 ,mach alles in mir froh und gut1 ,dass stets ich minder fehle2 ,herr1 deiner ,menschen-,liebe ,glut ,durchglhe meine ,seele4 ,es weiche ,stolz1 und ,trgheit weich2 ,und jeder ,leichtsinn fliehe1 ,wenn1 ,herr1 nach dir und deinem ,reich ,ich redlich mich bemhe4 ,mein eignes1 eitles1 leeres ,ich ,sei jeden ,tag geringer4 ,o rd ich jeden ,tag durch dich ,dein wrdigerer ,junger4 ,von dir erfllter jeden ,tag ,und jeden von mir leerer6 ,o du1 der uber ,flehn vermag1 ,sei meines ,flehns erhrer6 ,der ,glaub an dich und deine ,kraft ,sei ,trieb von jedem ,triebe6 ,sei du nur meine ,leidenschaft1 ,du meine ,freud und ,liebe6 99 99 99 99 99 ,d4 ,a few extracts from the little diaries referred to are here given3 ,may #ae1 #aheg4--;,box came from ,mrs4 ,bumstead--my dear1 kind friend-- containing everything2 salmon1 tomatoes1 oranges1 peaches1 prunes1 cocoa and ham1 tea and sugar from her father4#c ,how pleasant the kindness of friends6 #bast4--,worked at planting aster seeds and putting in verbena cuttings--all in my room1 of course4 #bc;d4--,first hepaticas in garden4 ,sweet peas coming up4 ,brownie hatched--one chicken4 ,june #ast4--,books from dear ,lizzy4 ,sickness1 may it do me good4 #d #bhth4--,sent flowers to the ,b4's1 flowers and strawberries to ,mrs4 ,n41 green peas to ,e4 ,m41 and trout to ,mother ,hopkins4 ,july #b;d4--,continue to send strawberries--yesterday to the ,b4's--to-day to ,a4 ,b4 and ,miss ,g41 with rosebuds4 ,oct4 #aath4--,a beautiful autumn day4 ,could not leave my bed till near noon4 ,then ,albert drove me down the lane and carried me into the woods in his arms4 ,eddy has collected #cj for ,kansas4 #e #beth4--,my whole time1 night and day1 is spent in setting traps for sleep4 ,to-day the money was sent for ,kansas--#ee1 of which #i was from us4 ,nov4 #dth4--,election day4 ,great excitement4 #eth4--,wretched news2 it is feared that ,buchanan is elected4 ,nov4 #agth4--,the anniversary of my dear mother's death4 ,my own can not be far distant4 ,i earnestly entreat that none of my friends will wear mourning for me4 ,january #a1 #aheh4--,outwardly all looks dark--health at the lowest--brain irritated and suffering inexpressibly--but underneath all1 thank ,god1 some patience1 some resignation1 some quiet trust4 ,if it were not for wearing out my friends6 ,but this care1 too1 ,i must learn to cast on ,him4 #eth4--,albert is reading ,miss ,bronte's ,life to me1 and oh1 how many chords vibrate deep in my soul as ,i hear of her shyness2 her dread of coming in contact with others2 her morbid sensitiveness and intense suffering from lowness of spirits2 her thirst for knowledge1 her consciousness of personal defects1 etc41 etc41 etc4 #ith4--,storms to-day like mad4 ,present from ,julia ,willis4 ,each day seems a week long1 but let me be thankful that ,i have a chair to sit in1 limbs free from palsy1 books of all sorts to be read1 and kind friends to read4 ,oh1 yes2 let me be thankful4 ,a4 brought ,school-days at ,rugby4 #bb;d4--,eddy began to wear his coat6 ,a4 read to me ,tom ,brown's ,school-days4 #bc;d4--,,love is the word that fills my horizon to-day4 ,god is ,love2 ,i must be like ,him4 ,feb4 #c;d4--,how lovely seem the words ,,duty and ,,kight6 ,how ,i long to be spotless--all pure within and without6444 ,albert read from ,adolph ,monod4 ,what a precious book6 #bc;d4--,to-morrow ,i shall be forty-six years old4 ,if ,i said one hundred ,i should believe it as well4 #bdth4--,my birthday4444 ,i feel disposed to take as my motto for this year1 ,i will hope continually1 and will yet praise ,thee more and more ,eddy began ,virgil to-day4 #bgth4--,woke with a strong impression that ,i am ,christ's1 ,his servant1 and as such have nothing to do for myself--no separate interest4 ,oh1 to feel this and act upon it always4 ,and not only a servant1 but a child2 and therefore entitled to feel an interest in the affairs of the ,family4 ,albert read from the ,silent ,comforter the piece called ,wearisome ,nights1 which is an exact expression of my state and feelings4 ,long to do some good1 at least by praying for people4 ,a note from ,mrs4 ,c4 ,stoddard to my husband and myself1 which was truly refreshing4 #bfth4--,this morning ,god assisted me out of great weakness to converse and pray with my beloved child4 ,he also prayed4 ,i can not but entertain a trembling hope that he is indeed a ,christian4 ,so great a mercy would fill me with transport4 ,april #fth4--,i love the ,lord because ,he hath heard my voice and my supplication 7,ps4 cxvi4 ,i74 ,albert read this psalm to me nearly fifteen years ago1 the morning of the day succeeding that on which ,god had delivered me out of great danger and excruciating sufferings and had given us a living child4 ,our hearts swelled with thankfulness then2 now we have received our child a second time--anew gift4 ,june #hth4--,a4's holiday4 ,first strawberry6 and first rose6 7cinnamon74 ,july #c;d4--,oh1 my dear1 dear sister ,lizzy6 ,shall ,i never see you again in this world8 ,i fancied ,i was familiar with the thought and reconciled to it1 but now it agonizes me4 #f ,dec4 #bfth4--,i do long to submit to--no1 to accept joyfully--the will of ,god in everything2 to see only ,love in every trial4 ,but to be made a whip in ,his hand with which to scourge others--,i1 who so passionately desire to give pleasure1 to give only pain--,i1 who so hate to cause suffering1 to inflict nothing else on my best friends--oh1 this is hard6444 ,i write by feeling with eyes closed4 ,it is midnight2 and1 as usual1 ,i am and have been sleepless4 ,i am full of tossings to and fro until the dawn4 ,all temporal blessings seem to be expressed by one word--,sleep4444 ,disease is advancing with rapid strides2 many symptoms of paralysis2 that or insanity certain1 unless ,god in mercy to myself and my friends takes me home first4 #cast4--,here then to ,thee ,thine own ,i leave-- ,mould as ,thou wilt ,thy passive clay2 ,but let me all ,thy stamp receive1 ,but let me all ,thy words obey4 ,serve with a single heart and eye1 ,and to ,thy glory live or die4 ,jan4 #bf1 #ahei4--;,cars ran through from ,adams to ,troy first time4 ,eddy studying ,greek1 ,latin1 etc41 at school2 ,geology at home4 ,feb4 #c;d4--,much of the day in intense bodily anguish1 but have had lately more of ,christ in my heart4 ,albert is reading me a precious sermon by ,huntingdon on a life hid with ,christ in ,god4 ,oh1 to learn more of ,christ and ,his love6 #eth4--,o ,god1 who art rich in mercy1 if ,thou art looking for some creature on whom to bestow it1 behold the poorest1 neediest1 emptiest of all ,thou hast made1 and satisfy me with ,thy mercy4 ,sunday1 #fth4--,how thankful ,i am for the many good books ,i have6 and oh1 how ,i stand amazed at the faith and patience of ,god's dear children 7,mrs4 ,coutts1 e4g471 to read of whose sufferings makes my heart bleed and almost murmur on their account4 ,march #agth4--,so foolish was ,i and ignorant1 ,i was as a beast before ,thee4 ,oh1 howr it comforts me that there is such a verse in the ,bible as this6 ,it comes near describing my folly1 stupidity1 ignorance1 and blindness4444 ,quite overcome to-day by a most unexpected favor from my dear friends the ,jameses1 #g who ,i thought had forgotten me4 ,april #abth4--,my love to my dear1 dear sister4 ,i shall never see her1 never write to her1 but we will spend eternity together4 ,dec #ast4--,albert opened the piano1 and1 for the first time in six years1 ,i touched it4 ,beautiful flower-pictures from ,lizzy4 #h ,sunday1 ,jan4 #a1 #ahfj4--,out of weakness were made strong4 ,this is the verse which has been given me as a motto for the year4 ,may it be fulfilled in my experience6 ,but should it not be so to my apprehension1 may ,i be able to say1 ,most gladly1 therefore1 will ,i glory in my infirmities1 that the power of ,christ may rest upon me4 ,march #bfth4--,for several days ,i have been led to pray that the indwelling ,spirit may indite my petitions4 ,to-day ,he leads me to pray for the annihilation of self4 ,my whole soul cries out for this--to forget my own sorrows1 wants1 sins even1 and lose myself in ,christ4444 ,o precious ,saviour1 let me see ,thee2 let me behold ,thy beauty2 let me hear ,thy voice2 let me wash ,thy feet with tears2 let me gaze on ,thee forever4 ,march #cast4--,a remarkable day4 #ast4 ,weather like ,indian summer4 #b;d4 ,after a very poor night1 expecting to spend the day in bed1 ,i was so strengthened as to ride up to the mountain with ,albert and to enjoy seeing the mosses4 ,in the ,p4,m4 rode again with ,eddy4 ,june #cjth4--,for years ,i have been constantly fearing insanity or palsy4 ,now ,i hear of ,mrs4 ---- struck with paralysis and my dear friend ---- with mental alienation1 while ,i am spared4 ,june #bgth4--,let a person take a delicately-strung musical instrument and strike blows on it with a hammer till nearly every string is broken and the whole instrument trembles and shrieks under the infliction--that is what has been done to me4 ,words are entirely inadequate to paint what ,i suffer4 ,june #cjth4--,another great mercy4 ,a letter from ,n4 ,p4 ,w4 #i ,under date of ,june #dth1 ,i wrote1 ,may ,god bless1 etc41 and ,god has blessed him4 ,oh1 praise1 praise to ,him who hears even before we ask4 ,april #bf1 #ahfa4--;,hangs my helpless soul on ,thee4 ,oh1 how many thousand times do ,i repeat this line during the sleepless hours of my wretched nights6 ,as the year advanced1 the entries became fewer and fewer2 some of them1 by reason of extreme weakness and suffering1 having been left unfinished4 ,but no weakness or suffering could wholly repress her love of ,nature4 ,imprisoned within the same pages that record her nights and days of anguish are exquisite bits of fern1 delicate mosses1 rose-leaves1 and other flowers pressed and placed there by her own hand4 ,but far more touching than these mementoes of her love of ,nature are the passages in this diary of her last year on earth1 that express her love to ,christ and testify to ,his presence and supporting grace in what she describes as the fathomless abyss of misery in which she was plunged4 ,they remind one of the tints of unearthly light and beauty that adorn sometimes the face of a thundercloud4 ,they are such as the following3 ,june #aa1 #ahfa4--;,blessed be ,god for comfort4 ,i see my sins all gone--all set down to ,christ's account2 and not only so1 but--oh1 wonder6--all ,his merits transferred to me4 ,well may it be said1 ,let us come boldly to the throne of grace4 ,why not be bold with such--just like presenting an order at a bank4 ,nov4 #fth4--,come1 ,o come1 dear ,lord ,jesus6 ,come to this town1 this church1 this family1 and oh1 come to this poor longing famished heart4 ,sunday1 ,nov4 #ajth4--,a better night and some peace of mind4 ,but ,o my ,saviour1 support me2 let not the fiery billows swallow me up6 ,and ,o let me not fail to be thankful for the mercies mingled in my cup of suffering--a pleasant room adorned with gifts of love from absent friends1 and just now with beautiful mosses brought from the woods by my dear husband4 ,the next entry contains directions respecting parting gifts to be sent to her sister and other absent friends after her death4 ,then comes the last entry1 which is as follows3 ,i need not be afraid to ask to be--first1 'holy and without blame before ,him in love'2 second1 'filled with all the fullness of ,god'2 third--4 ,here her pen dropped from her hand1 and a little later her wearisome pilgrimage was over1 and she entered into the saint's everlasting rest4 99 99 99 99 99 ,further extracts from her literary journal3 ,tuesday1 ,jan4 #aa1 #ahcf4--,last meeting of the class4 ,mr4 ,dana made some remarks intended as a sort of leave-taking4 ,he spoke of the importance of having some fixed principles of criticism4 ,these principles should be obtained from within--from the study of our own minds4 ,if we try many criticisms by this standard1 we shall turn away from them dissatisfied4 ,addison's criticisms on ,milton are often miserable1 and1 where he is right1 it seems to be by a sort of accident4 ,he constantly appeals to the ,french critics as authorities4 ,another advantage will result from establishing principles of judging--we shall acquire self-knowledge4 ,we can not ask ourselves1 ,is this true8 does it accord with my own consciousness8 etc41 without gaining an acquaintance with ourselves4 ,and then1 in general1 the more the taste is cultivated and refined1 the more we shall find to like4 ,critics by rule1 who have one narrow standard by which they try everything1 may find much to condemn and little to approve3 but it is not so in nature1 nor with those who judge after nature4 ,the great duty is to learn to be happy in ourselves4444 ,i am surprised 7said ,mr4 ,dana7 to find how much my present tastes and judgments are those of my childhood4 ,in some respects1 to be sure1 ,i have altered2 but1 in general1 the authors ,i loved and sympathised with then1 ,i love and sympathise with now4 ,when ,i was connected with the ,north-,american1 ,i wrote a review of ,hazlitt's ,british ,poets1 in which ,i expressed my opinion of ,pope and of ,wordsworth4 ,the sensation it excited is inconceivable4 ,one man said ,i was mad and ought to be put in a strait-jacket4 ,however1 ,i did not mind it much1 so long as they did not put me in one--that1 to be sure1 ,i should not have liked very well4 ,public opinion has changed since then4 ,many of the old prose writers are very fine4 ,jeremy ,taylor1 though ,i admire him exceedingly1 has been1 ,i think1 rather indiscriminately praised4444 ,to come to the poets again1 ,young should be read and thought upon4 ,he is often antithetical1 but is a profound thinker4 ,i was quite ashamed the other day on taking up his works to find how many of my thoughts he had expressed better than ,i could express them4 ,i am convinced there is nothing new under the sun4 ,collins has written but little1 but he is a most graceful and beautiful creature4 ,for faithfulness of portraiture and bringing out every-day characters1 ,crabbe is unrivalled in modern days4 ,and ,wordsworth--he and ,coleridge have been obliged to make minds to understand them4 ,who equals ,wordsworth in purity1 in majesty1 in tranquil contemplation1 in childlikeness8 ,coleridge is exerting a great influence in this country1 especially over the minds of some of the young men4 ,friday4--,to-day by invitation ,i attended the first meeting of the new class and heard the introductory lecture4 ,mr4 ,d4 began by speaking of the object of the formation of the class4 ,i shall adopt the first person in writing what he said1 though ,i do not pretend to give his words4 ,i have not invited you here to amuse an idle hour1 or to afford you a topic of conversation when you meet4 ,one great design has been to cherish in you a love of home and of solitude4 ,yet this is not all1 for of what advantage is it to be at home1 unless home is a place for the unfolding of warm affections8 and of what use is solitude1 unless it be improved by patient thought1 self-study and a communion with those great minds who became great by thinking4 ,but it is not merely thinking as an operation of the intellect that is necessary2 it must be affectionate thinking2 there must be heartfelt love1 and this can be attained only by a habit of loving4444 ,i would not impart sternness to the beautiful countenance of ,english literature4 ,beautiful indeed it is1 but not like the beauty of the human face1 that may be discovered by all who have eyes to look upon it2 the heart as well as the head must engage1 or as ,coleridge says1 the heart in the head4 ,let us not approach with carelessness or light-mindedness4 ,poetry requires a peculiar state of mind1 a peculiar combination of mental and moral qualifications to be feelingly apprehended4 ,but there--,i will not write a word more4 ,it is a shame to spoil anything so beautiful4 ,poor ,mr4 ,dana6 ,i hope he will never know to what he has been subjected4 ,wednesday4--,everybody has set out to invite me to visit them4 ,i made two visits last evening1 one to ,mrs4 ,robinson1 where ,i had a fine opportunity to settle some of my ,hebrew difficulties with ,prof4 ,r41 and saw ,de ,wette's translations of ,job4 ,this evening ,i am to make two more1 and to-morrow ,i spend the day out and receive company in the evening4 ,so much for dissipation1 and for study4 ,,portland1 ,march #a1 #ahcf4 ,i believe there is scarcely any branch of knowledge in which ,i am so deficient as history1 both ecclesiastical and profane4 ,i have never been much interested facts1 considered simply as facts1 and that is about all that is to be found in most historical works4 ,the relations of facts to each other and of all to reason1 in other words1 the philosophy of history1 are not often to be found in books1 and ,i have not hitherto been able to supply the want from my own mind4 ,april #af1 #ahcf4--;,if my bump of combativeness does not grow it won't be for want of exercise4 ,i have had another dispute of two hours' length to-day with another person4 ,subjects1 ,cousin--,locke--innate ideas--idea of space--of spirit-life1 materialism--phrenology--,upham--wine--a lcohol--etc4 ,june4--,my patience has been sorely tried this afternoon4 ,i was visiting and ,coleridge was dragged in1 as it seemed for the express purpose of provoking me by abusing him--just as anybody might show off a lunatic4444 ,but ,i did not and never will dispute on such subjects with those who seek not to know the truth4 ,feb4 #f1 #ahcg4--,why is it that our desires so infinitely transcend our capacities8 ,we grasp at everything--do so by the very constitution of our natures2 and seize--less than nothing4 ,we can not rest without perfection in everything1 yet the labor of a life devoted to one thing1 only shows us how unattainable it is4 ,i am oppressed with gloom--oh1 for light1 light1 light6 ,feb4 #bjth4--,alas6 my feelings of discouragement and despondency1 instead of diminishing1 strengthen every day4 ,i have been ill for the last fortnight2 and possibly physical causes have contributed to shroud my mind in this thick darkness4 ,yet ,i can not believe that conviction so clear1 conclusions so irresistible as those which weigh me down1 are entirely the result of morbid physical action4 ,in order to prove that they are not1 and to have the means of judging hereafter of the rationalness of my present judgments1 ,i will record the grounds of my despondency4 ,as nearly as ,i can recollect1 the thought which oftenest pressed itself upon me1 when these feelings of gloom began1 was that ,i was living to no purpose4 ,i was conscious1 not only of a conviction that ,i ought to live to do good1 but of an intense desire to do good--to know that ,i was living to some purpose2 and ,i felt perfectly certain that this knowledge was essential to my happiness4 ,i began to wonder that ,i had been contented to seek knowledge all my life for my own pleasure1 or with an indefinite idea that it might contribute in some way to my usefulness1--without any distinct plan4444 ,i then began to inquire what results ,i had of all my labor which ,i have taken under the sun and these are my conclusions3 #a4 ,i have not that mental discipline1 or that command of my own powers1 which is one of the most valuable results of properly directed study4 ,i can not grasp a subject at once1 and view it in all its bearings4 #b4 ,i have not that self-knowledge which is another sure result of proper study4 ,i do not know what ,i am capable of1 nor what ,i am particularly fitted for1 nor what ,i am most deficient in4 ,i am forever pouring into my own mind1 and yet never find out what is there4 #c;d4 ,i have no principle of arrangement or assimilation which might unite all my scattered knowledge4 ,oh1 how different if ,i had had one definite object which1 like the lens1 should concentrate all the scattered rays to one focus4 ,i met with this remark of ,sir ,egerton ,bridges to-day2 it applies to me exactly3 ,i have never met with one who seemed to have the same overruling passion for literature as ,i have always had4 ,a thousand others have pursued it with more principle1 reason1 method1 fixed purpose1 and effect2 mine ,i admit to have been pure1 blind1 unregulated love4 #dth4 ,i have lost the power of thinking for myself4 ,my memory1 which was originally good1 has been so washed away by the floods of trash which have been poured into it1 that now it scarcely serves me at all4 ,a pleasant picture this of a mind1 which ought to be in the full maturity of its powers4 ,and much reason have ,i to hope that with such an instrument ,i shall leave an impress on other minds6444 ,how ,i envy the other sex6 ,they have certain fixed paths marked out for them--regular professions and trades--between which they may make a choice and know what they have to do4 ,a friend1 to whom ,i had spoken of some of these feelings1 tried last night to convince me that they are the result of physical derangement1 and not at all the expression of a sane mind in a sound body4 ,i laughed at him1 but have every now and then a suspicion that he was right4 ,feb4 #beth4--,last evening we had the company of some friends who are interested in the subjects which ,i love most to talk about4 ,we had a good deal of conversation about books1 authors1 the laws of mind and spirit1 etc4 ,my enthusiasm on these subjects revived2 ,i felt a genial glow resulting from the action of mind upon mind1 and the delight of finding sympathy in my most cherished tastes and pursuits4 ,whether it is owing to this or not1 ,i can not say2 but ,i must confess to a new change of mood1 and1 consequently1 of opinion4 ,i mean that my studies have not only regained their former attractions in my eyes1 but that it seems unquestionably right and proper to pursue them 7when they interfere with no positive duty7 as a means of expanding and strengthening the mind-- even when ,i can not point out the precise use ,i expect to make of such acquisition4444 ,one of my friends tried to convince me last night that ,i was not deficient in invention1 because ,i assigned the fact that ,i am so1 as a reason for attempting translation rather than original writing4 ,several others have labored to convince me of the same thing4 ,strange that they can be so mistaken6 ,i know that ,i have no fancy1 from having tried to exert it2 and1 as this is the lower power and implied in imagination1 of course ,i have none of the latter faculty4 ,the only two things which look like it are my enthusiasm and my relish for works of a high imaginative order4 ,feb4 #bhth4--444 ,oh1 how transporting--how infinite will be the delight when all truth shall burst upon us as ,,one beautiful and perfect whole--each distinct ray harmonising and blending with every other1 and all together forming one mighty flood of radiance6444 ,i can not remember all the thoughts which have given so much pleasure this evening2 ,i only know that ,i have been very happy1 and wondered not a little at my late melancholy4 ,i believe it must have been partly caused by looking at myself 7and that1 too1 as if ,i were a little1 miserable1 isolated wretch71 instead of contemplating those things which have no relation to space and time and matter--the eternal and the infinite--or1 if ,i thought of myself at all1 feeling that ,i am part of a great and wonderful whole4 ,it seems as if a new inner sense had been opened1 revealing to me a world of beauty and perfection that ,i have never before seen4 ,i am filled with a strange1 yet sweet astonishment4 ,sept4 #bd1 #ahcg4--;,i have been profoundly interested in the character of ,goethe1 from reading ,mrs4 ,austin's ,characteristics of him4 ,certainly1 very few men have ever lived of equally wonderful powers4 ,a thing most remarkable in him is what the ,germans call ,vielseitigkeit1 many-sidedness4 ,there was no department of science or art of which he was wholly ignorant1 while in very many of both classes his knowledge was accurate and profound4 ,most men who have attained to distinguished excellence1 have done so by confining themselves to a single department--frequently being led to the choice by a strong1 original bias4 ,even when this is not the case1 there is some class of objects or pursuits1 towards which a particular inclination is manifested2 one loves facts1 and devotes himself to observations and experiments2 another loves principles and seeks everywhere to discover a law4 ,one cherishes the ,ideal1 and neglects and despises the ,real1 while another reverses his judgment4 ,we have become so accustomed to this one-sidedness that it occasions no wonder1 and is regarded as the natural state of the mind4 ,thus we are struck with astonishment on finding a mind like ,goethe's equally at home in the ,ideal and the ,real2 equally interested in the laws of poetical criticism1 and the theory of colors1 equally attentive to a drawing of a new species of plants1 and to the plan of a railroad or canal4 ,in short1 with the most delicate sense of the ,beautiful1 the most accurate conception of the mode of its representation1 and the most intense longing for it 7which alone would have sufficed to make him an ,idealist7 he united a fondness for observation1 a love of the actual in nature1 and a susceptibility to deep impressions from and interest in the objects of sense1 which would have seemed to mark him out for a ,realist4 ,but is not this the true stale of the mind1 instead of being2 one which should excite astonishment8 ,is it not one-sidedness rather than many-sidedness that should be regarded as strange8 ,is it not as much an evidence of disease as the preponderance of one element or function in the physical constitution8 #bfth4--,i have been thinking more about this many-sidedness of ,goethe4 ,it is by no means that versatility which distinguishes so many second-rate geniuses1 which inclines to the selection of many pursuits1 but seldom permits the attainment of distinguished excellence in one4 ,it was one and the same principle acting throughout1 the striving after unity4 ,it was this which made him seek to idealise the actual1 and to actualise the ,ideal4 ,the former he attempted by searching in each outward object for the law which governed its existence and of which its outward development was but an imperfect symbol1 the latter by giving form and consistency to the creations of his own fancy4 ,thus the one was ever-present to him1 and he sought it not in one path1 among the objects of one science alone1 but everywhere in nature and out4 ,in all that was genuine nature he knew that it was to be found2 that it was not to be found in the acquired and the artificial was perhaps the reason of his aversion for them4 ,this aversion he carried so far that even acquired virtue was distasteful to him4 ,whatever may be thought of such a distaste esthetically1 we must think that1 morally1 it was carrying his principle rather to an extreme4 ,i have just come across a plan of study which ,i formed some months ago and ,i could not but smile to see how nothing of it has been accomplished4 ,i was to divide my attention between philosophy1 language 7not languages71 and poetry4 ,the former ,i was to study by topics2 e4g41 take the subject of perception1 write out my own ideas upon it1 if ,i had any1 and then read those of other people4 ,in studying language1 or rather ethnography1 ,i intended--#a4 ,to take the ,hebrew roots1 trace all the derivatives and related words first in that language1 then in others4 #b4 ,to examine words relating to the spiritual1 with a view to discover their original picture-meaning4 #c4 ,search for a type or symbol in nature of every spiritual fact4 ,under the head of poetry ,i mean1 to study the great masters of epic and dramatic poetry1 especially ,shakspeare and ,milton1 and from them make out a science of criticism4 ,alas6 ,april #e1 #ahch4--;,i have been thinking about myself--what a strange1 wayward1 incomprehensible being ,i am1 and how completely misunderstood by almost everybody4 ,uniting excessive pride with excessive sensitiveness1 the greatest ardor and passionateness of emotion with an irresolute will1 a disposition to distrust1 in so far only as the affection of others for me is concerned1 with the extreme of confidence and credulity in everything else--an incapability of expressing1 except occasionally as it were in gushes1 any strong feeling--a tendency to melancholy1 yet with a susceptibility of enjoyment almost transporting--subject to the most sudden1 unaccountable and irresistible changes of mood--capable of being melted and moulded to anything by kindness1 but as cold and unyielding as a rock against harshness and compulsion--such are some of the peculiarities which excellently prepare me for un-happiness4 ,it is true that sometimes ,i am conscious of none of them--when for days together ,i pursue my regular routine of studies and employments1 half mechanically--or when completely under the influence of the outward1 ,i live for a time in what is around me4 ,but this never lasts long4 ,one of the most painful feelings ,i ever know is the sense of an unappeasable craving for sympathy and appreciation--the desire to be understood and loved1 united with the conviction that this desire can never be gratified4 ,i feel alone1 different from all others and of course misunderstood by them4 ,the only other feeling ,i have more miserable than this is the sense of being worse than all others1 and utterly destitute of anything excellent or beautiful4 ,oh6 what mysteries are wrapped up in the mind and heart of man6 ,what a development will be made when the light of another world shall be let in upon these impenetrable recesses6 ,,boston1 ,jan4 #g1 #ahci4--;,i came here on the last day of the last year1 and have since then been very much occupied in different ways4 ,yesterday1 ,i heard ,president ,hopkins all day1 and in the evening1 a lecture from ,dr4 ,follen on ,pantheism4 ,the most abstract of all pantheistic systems he described to be that of the ,brahmans1 as taught in the ,vedas and ,vedashta1 and also at first by ,schelling1 viz41 that the absolute is the first principle of all things2 and this absolute is not to be conceived of as possessing any attribute at all--not even that of existence4 ,a system a little less abstract is that of the ,eleatics1 who believed in the absolute as existing4 ,then that of ,giordano ,bruno1 who made soul and matter the formative principle and the principal recipient of forces--to be the ground of the universe4 ,then ,spinoza1 who postulated thought as the representative of the spiritual1 and extension as that of the material principle2 and these together are his originaux4 ,from thence sprang the spiritual pantheists--such as ,schelling1 ,fichte1 and ,hegel--and the material pantheists4 ,wednesday1 ,april #ajth4--,to-morrow ,i go to ,andover4 ,have been indescribably hurried of late4 ,have finished ,claudius--am reading ,prometheus and ,kant's ,critique4 ,april #aith4--,am reading ,seneca's ,medea and ,southey's ,life of ,cowper4 ,,andover1 ,may #acth4--,dr4 ,woods was remarking to-day at dinner on the influence of hope in sustaining under the severest sufferings4 ,it recalled a thought which occurred to me the other day in reading ,prometheus2 that1 regarded as an example of unyielding determination and unconquerable fortitude he is not equal to ,milton's ,satan4 ,for he has before him not only the hope1 but the certainty of ultimate deliverance1 whereas ,satan bears himself up1 by the mere force of his will1 unsustained by hope1 which comes to all1 but not to him4 #aeth4--,it has just occurred to me that the doctrine of the soul's mortality seems to have no point of contact with humanity4 ,it surely can not have been entertained as being agreeable to man's wishes4 ,and what is there in the system of things1 or in the nature of the mind1 to suggest it8 ,on the contrary1 everything looks in an opposite direction4 ,how is it possible to help seeing that the soul is not here in its proper element1 in its native air8 ,how is it possible to escape the conviction that all its unsatisfied yearnings1 its baffled aims1 its restless1 agonizing aspirings after a something1 clearly perceived to exist1 but to be here unattainable--that all these things point to another life1 the only true life of the soul8 ,there is such a manifest disproportion between all objects of earthly attainment and the capacities of the spirit1 that1 unless man is immortal1 he is vastly more to be pitied than the meanest reptile that crawls upon the earth4 ,so ,i thought as ,i was walking this morning and saw a frog swimming in a puddle of water4 ,i could hardly help envying him when ,i considered that his condition was suited to his nature1 and that he has no wants which are not supplied4 ,june #agth4--,i am reading ,goethe's ,conversations with ,eckermann4 ,one thing ,i remark is this--he does not1 as most men do1 make the degree of sympathy he finds in others the measure of his interest in them and attention to them4 ,goethe looked at all as specimens of human nature1 and1 therefore1 all worthy of study4 ,but1 after all1 this way of looking at others seems to be more suited to the artist than to the man2 and ,i can not conceive of any but a very passionless and immobile person who could do it4444 ,does all nature furnish one type of the soul8 ,if so1 it might be the ocean2 the rough1 swelling1 fluctuating1 unsounded ocean4 ,shall it ever rest8 ,rest8 ,what an infinite1 mournful sweetness in the word6 ,how perfectly sure ,i feel that my soul can never rest in itself1 nor in anything of earth2 if ,i find peace1 it must be in the bosom of ,god4 ,july #b;d4--,the vulgar proverb1 ,it never rains but it pours1 is fully illustrated in my case4 ,last week ,i would have given half the world for a new book2 yesterday and today have overflooded me4 ,mr4 ,hubbard has sent me ,prof4 ,park's ,german ,selections1 ,pliny1 ,heeren's ,ancient ,greece1 two volumes of the ,biblical ,repository1 and two of his own magazines2 ,mr4 ,judd has sent me two volumes of ,carlyle1 and ,mr4 ,ripley four of ,lessing--all of these must be despatched la hte4 ,july #eth4--,last evening we spent upon the ,common witnessing a beautiful exhibition of fireworks4 ,this morning ,i have been to ,union wharf to see the departure of some missionaries4 ,for a few minutes1 time seemed a speck and eternity near--but how transient with me are such impressions6 ,i am indulging myself too much of late in a sort of sentimental reverie4 ,life and its changes1 the depths of the soul1 the fluctuations of passion and feeling--these are the subjects which attract my thoughts perpetually4444 ,we spent last evening at ,richard ,h4 ,dana's4 ,he does not separate his intellectual and sentimental tastes from his moral convictions as ,i do--,i mean that neither in books nor men does he find pleasure unless they are such as his conscience approves4 ,tuesday1 #ith4--,have visited the ,allston gallery and seen ,rosalie for the last time before going home4 ,i could not have believed that ,i should feel such a pang at parting from a picture4 ,i did not succeed in getting to the gallery before others--but1 no matter4 ,i forgot the presence of everybody else and sat for an hour before ,rosalie without moving4 ,i took leave of the other pictures mentally1 for ,i could not look4 ,farewell1 sweet ,beatrice1 lovely ,inez1 beautiful ,ursulina--dear1 dear ,rosalie1 farewell6 ,monday1 #aeth4--,yesterday ,i was happy2 to-day ,i am not exactly unhappy1 but morbid and anxious4 ,i feel continually the pressure of obligation to write something1 in order to contribute toward the support of the family--and yet1 ,i can not write4 ,mother wants me to write children's books2 ,lizzy wants me to write a book of ,natural ,philosophy for schools4 ,i wish ,i had a vocation4 ,sabbath4--,stayed at home on account of the rain and read one of ,tholuck's sermons to ,julia4 ,wrote in my other journal some account of my thoughts and feelings4 ,burned up part of an old diary4 ,thursday1 ,july #beth4--,my soul is dark4 ,what with the sin ,i find within me1 and the darkness and error1 disputes and perplexities around me1 ,i well-nigh despair4 ,whether ,i seek to discover truth or to live it1 ,i am equally unsuccessful4 ,i grope at noon-day as in the night4 ,but there is a ,god1 holy and changeless4 ,he is4 ,from eternity to eternity1 ,he ,,is4 ,on this ,rock will ,i rest----4 ,i stopped a moment and my eye was caught by the waving trees4 ,what do they say to me8 ,how silent they are6 and yet how eloquent6 ,and here ,i sit--to myself the centre of the world1 wondering and speculating about this same little self4 ,do the trees so8 ,no2 they wave and bend and bloom for others4 ,i am ready to join with ,herbert in wishing that ,i were a tree2 then ,at least some bird would trust ,her household to me1 and ,i should be just4 ,evening4--,i read to-day another of ,lessing's tragedies--,miss ,sarah ,sampson1--which ,i do not like nearly as well as ,mina von ,barnhelm4 ,we were engaged to take tea with the ,mayor1 and went with many tremblings and hesitations on account of the rain4 ,very few there1 and a most uncommonly stupid time4 ,saturday ,evening4--,i have been alone for a little while1 and1 as usual1 this time brings with it thronging remembrances of absent friends4 ,their forms flit before me2 their spirits are around me2 ,i feel their presence--almost2 dear friends1 almost ,i clasp you in my arms4 ,my soul yearns for love and sympathy4 ,i do bless and praise my ,god for all ,his goodness to me in this respect1 for my many tender and faithful and devoted friends4 ,part of the day ,i spent in arranging shells in my cabinet of drawers4 ,this afternoon ,i went to ,mr4 ,prentiss' library and obtained ,schlegel's ,lectures on ,dramatic ,art and ,literature4 ,monday ,morning4--,have been trying to rouse myself to write ,lessing1 but can not4 ,it looks so little4 ,when it is all done1 what will it amount to8 ,why1 ,i shall get a few dollars for mother1 which will go to buy bread and butter--and that's the end of it4 ,evening4--,s4 ,w4 and ,m4 ,w4 made a call on us and the former played and sang4 ,then we sat up till after eleven naming each of our acquaintances after some flower4 ,aug4 #hth1--,oh1 what a happy half hour ,i had last evening1 looking at the sky after sunset6 ,we went down to the water--it was smooth as a crystal lake4 ,the horizon was all in a glow--the softest1 mellowest1 warmest glow1 and above dark1 heavy clouds of every variety of form--the clouds and the glow alike reflected in the answering heaven below--,i was almost too happy2 but--it faded4 ,evening4--,i had something to wake me up this afternoon1 viz41 the arrival of the ,july ,no4 of the ,new ,york ,review1 containing ,claudius4 ,this led to some conversation about writing1 its pecuniary profitableness1 subjects for it1 etc4 ,julia wished ,i would take some other topics besides ,german authors1 but when ,i told her the alternative would be metaphysics1 she laughed and retracted the wish4 ,we then laughed over several schemes such as these--that one of us should write a review and another make the book for it afterward2 that ,i should review some book which did not exist and give professed extracts from it1 etc4 ,soon after ,mrs4 ,d4 came in and began to talk about ,undine1 which she and her husband have just been reading--the new translation4 ,i was amused at their opinion of it4 ,the most absurd1 ridiculous story1 she said--with no rationality1 nothing that one can understand in it--and so on1 showing that she had not the slightest idea of a work of fancy merely4 ,i have been wishing1 as ,i often do1 for some records of my past life4 ,what could ,i not give for a daily journal as minute as this1 beginning from my childhood6 ,my past life is mostly a blank to me4 ,aug4 #aeth4--,i am beginning to see dimly some new truths--such ,i believe them to be--in theology4 ,i am inclined to think1 but do not feel sure1 that ,redemption1 instead of being merely a necessary remedy for a great evil1 is in itself the highest positive good1 and that the state into which it brings man1 of union with ,god1 is a far nobler and better condition than that of primitive innocence1 and at the same time a condition attainable in no other way than through redemption1 and1 of course1 through sin4 ,in this case the plan of redemption1 instead of being an afterthought of the divine mind 7speaking anthropomorphically71 is that in reference to which the whole world-system was contrived4 ,these thoughts were partly suggested by reading ,schleiermacher1 who1 if ,i understand him1 has some such notions4 ,if there is any truth in them1 do they not throw light on the much-vexed question why ,god permitted the introduction of moral evil8 ,another point which ,i feel confident is misunderstood by our theologians is the nature of the redemptive act4 ,the work of ,christ in redemption is generally explained to be ,his incarnation1 sufferings1 and death1 by which ,he made atonement to justice for the sins of the world4 ,this1 it is true1 is a part of what ,he did2 it is that part which ,he performed in reference to ,god and ,his law1 but it is not what ,coleridge calls the spiritual and transcendent act by which ,he made us one with ,himself1 and thus secured the possibility of our restoration to spiritual life4 ,aug4 #agth4--,have devoted almost the whole day to ,coleridge's ,literary ,remains1 which ,mr4 ,davenport brought me4 ,my admiration1 even veneration1 for his almost unequalled power is greater than ever1 but ,i can not help thinking that his studies--some of them--exerted an unfavorable influence upon him1 especially1 perhaps1 ,spinoza4 ,aug4 #bb;d--,mr4 ,park sent me the ,life of ,mackintosh by his son4 ,i rejoiced much too soon over it1 for it proves very uninteresting4 ,this is partly to be accounted for from my want of interest in politics1 etc4 ,in great measure1 however1 it is the fault of the biographer1 who has shown us the man at a distance1 on stilts1 or at best only in his most outward circumstances1 never letting us know1 as ,carlyle says1 what sort of stockings he wore1 and what he ate for dinner4 ,i don't think ,sir ,james himself has much inwardness to him1 but certainly his son has shown us only the outermost shell4 ,have read the ,iliad and ,schleiermacher to-day4 ,aug4 #bdth4--,a queer circumstance happened this evening4 ,col4 ,kinsman and ,mr4 ,c4 ,s4 ,davies called4 ,i was considering what unusual occurrence could have brought ,mr4 ,d4 here1 when he increased my wonder still more by disclosing his errand4 ,he had received1 he said1 a letter from ,prof4 ,woods1 requesting that ,i1 or a lady whose taste was as correct in dress as in literature1 would decide upon the fashion of a gown to be worn by him at his inauguration as ,president of ,bowdoin ,college1 and forthwith procure such a gown to be made4 ,aug4 #beth4--,i have been reading the second volume of ,mackintosh1 which is much better than the first1 and gives a higher opinion of him4 ,he is certainly well described by ,coleridge as the king of men of talent4 ,it is curious1 by the way1 to compare what ,m4 says of ,c43 ,it is impossible to give a stronger example of a man1 whose talents are beneath his understanding1 and who trusts to his ingenuity to atone for his ignorance4444 ,shakespeare and ,burke are1 if ,i may venture on the expression1 above talent2 but ,coleridge is not6 ,ah1 well--de gustibus1 etc4 ,i have been as busy as a bee all day2 wrote notes1 prepared for leaving home1 read ,schleiermacher1 and ,philip von ,artevelde1 which delighted me2 walked after tea with ,lizzy1 then examined my papers to see what is to be burned4 ,i wish ,i knew what ,i was made for--,i mean1 in particular--what ,i can do1 and what ,i ought to do4 ,i can not bear to live a life of literary self-indulgence1 which is no better than another self-indulgence4 ,i do want to be of some use in the world1 but ,i am infinitely perplexed as to the how and the what4 ,aug4 #bfth4--,hurried through the last #bjj pages of ,mackintosh today4 ,on the whole1 there is much to like as well as to admire in him4 ,one thing puzzles me in his case as in others3 ,how men who give no signs through a long life of anything more than the most cold and distant respect for religion--the most unfrequent and uninterested remembrance1 if any at all--of the ,saviour1 all at once become so devout--,i mean it not disrespectfully--on their death-beds4 ,what strange doubts this and other like mysteries suggest6 ,after tea ,i carried a bouquet to ,mrs4 ,french4 ,saw all the way a sky so magnificent that words can do no justice to it--splendors piled on splendors1 till my soul was fairly sick with admiration4 ,mrs4 ,french asked me if life ever looked sad and wearisome to me4 ,ever6 ,,boston1 ,saturday morning1 ,sept4 #hth--,the rain keeps me home from church1 but ,i still have the more time for reading and reflection4 ,at every change in my outward situation ,i find myself forming new purposes and plans for the future4444 ,i will trust that1 by the grace of ,god1 the ensuing winter shall be a period of more vigorous effort and more persevering self-culture than any previous season of my life4 ,above all1 let me remember that intellectual culture is worthless when dissociated from moral progress2 that true spiritual growth embraces both2 and the latter as the basis and mould of the former4 ,let me remember1 too1 that in the universe everything may be had for a price1 but nothing can be had without price4 ,the price of successful self-culture is unremitted toil1 labor1 and self-denial2 am ,i willing to pay it8 ,i feel that ,i need light and strength and life2 may ,i find them in ,christ6 ,as to studies1 ,i mean to study the ,bible much2 also dogmatic theology--which of late has an increasing interest for me--and ecclesiastical history4 ,to the ,spirit of all ,truth ,i surrender my mind4 ,monday4--,i have fallen in with ,swedenborg's writings4 ,wonder whether the destiny which seems to bring to us just what we chance to be interested in is a real ordinance of fate or only a seeming one--because interest in a subject makes us observant4 ,am reading ,greek with ,julia4 ,we began the sixth book of the ,iliad4 ,tuesday4--,fifty lines in ,homer2 ,companion proofs2 ,schleiermacher2 the prologue and first scene of ,terence's comedy of ,andria2 two ,nos4 of ,n4 ,nickleby1 and walked round the ,common with ,julia twice4 ,wednesday4--,studies the same as yesterday1 except that ,i read less of ,schleiermacher and spent an hour or so upon ,lessing4 ,read ,much ,ado about ,nothing1 and disliked ,beatrice less than ever before4 ,but ,i am not satisfied with ,claudio2 he is not half sorry and remorseful enough for the supposed death of ,hero--and then to think of his being willing to marry another right off6 ,oh1 it is abominable6 ,walked over four miles in the morning1 and out again before tea4 ,tuesday1 ,sept4 #agth--,well4 ,the family are off--,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,willis1 and ,julia too--and the ,recorder and ,companion #aj are left for a fortnight in my charge4 ,i have been much interested in what ,i have read to-day in ,schleiermacher4 ,it is his evolution of the idea of ,god--if ,i may so say--from holy1 human consciousness4 ,it recalls some thoughts which ,i had on this subject once before1 and which ,i began to write about4 ,my notion was this--that an absolutely perfect idea of man implies1 contains an idea of ,god4 ,i have a great mind to try and make something out of it1 only ,i am so hurried just now4 ,they keep sending me papers to make selections for the ,recorder1 and ,i have just been writing an article for the ,companion4 ,i spend half my time looking over newspapers4 ,double1 double toil and trouble2 most wearisome and profitless4 ,would not edit a paper for the world4 ,no truth can be said to be seen as it is until it is seen in its relation to all other truths4 ,in this relation only is it true4444 ,no error is understood till we have seen all the truth there is in it1 and1 therefore1 as ,coleridge says1 you must understand an author's ignorance1 or conclude yourself ignorant of his understanding4 ,monday1 #cjth4--,i have been very happy this afternoon--writing all the time with a genial flow of thought and without effort4 ,how ,i love to feel that for this ,i am indebted to ,god4 ,he is my intellectual source1 the ,father of my spirit1 as well as the author of everything morally good in me4 ,friday1 ,oct4 #dth4--,i have been too busy reading and writing for the last few days to find time for my journal4 ,i go on with ,schleiermacher and have resumed ,lessing4 ,i am reading the ,memoir of ,mrs4 ,s4 ,l4 ,smith and ,tappan's ,review of ,edwards on the ,will4 ,fifty lines in the ,iliad with ,julia4 ,finished the ,andria and to-day began the ,adelphi4 ,i am amused at comparing the comedy of that day with the modern ,french school4 ,davus in ,andria is but a rough sketch of ,moliere's valet1 and the whole plot is so bungling in comparison4 ,have had very few attacks of melancholy lately2 because1 ,i suppose1 my health is good and ,i am constantly employed4 ,evening4--,i never came nearer losing my wits with delight than this afternoon4 ,went to call on ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ripley1 and saw his fine library of ,german books4 ,the sight was enough to excite me to the utmost1 but to be told that they were all at my service put me into such an ecstasy that ,i could hardly behave with decency4 ,i selected several immediately and promised myself fuller examination of the library very soon4444 ,mr4 ,r4 proposed to me to translate something for his series4 ,shall ,i8 #aa ,sabbath ,evening1 ,oct4 #acth4--,i have just been writing to my dear brother ,g41 for whom as well as for my other brothers1 ,i feel the greatest solicitude4 ,i have separate sources of anxiety for each of them1 and hope that the intenseness of this anxiety will make me more earnest in commending them to ,god4 ,oct4 #adth4--,gave up the time usually devoted to ,lessing to writing two articles for the ,mother's ,magazine4 ,read ,homer1 and the #adith and #aejth ,psalms and the first chapter of ,genesis in ,hebrew4 ,read or rather studied ,schleiermacher4 ,corrected proof4 ,read several articles in the ,biblical ,repository--one by ,prof4 ,park--aloud to ,julia4 ,on the whole1 ,i have been pretty industrious4 ,oh1 how many reasons ,i have for gratitude6 ,health1 friends1 books--nothing is wanting but the heart to enjoy ,god in all4 ,wrote to mother4 ,oct4 #agth4--,this morning dear ,lizzy came2 of course the day has been given up to miscellanies4 ,oct4 #bast4--,mr4 ,albro #ab called and stayed till dinner-time4 ,after dinner read ,greek with ,julia and then wrote a notice of ,gesenius' ,hebrew ,grammar1 and then set off for ,lucy's1 where the others were already gone4 ,mr4 ,albro has concluded to read ,schleiermacher with me--that is1 to keep along at the same rate1 that we may talk about it4 ,letter from mother1 and notes from ,mr4 ,condit and ,mr4 ,hamlin1 with a copy of ,payson's ,thoughts in ,armenian4 ,have just finished reading ,mr4 ,ripley's ,reply to ,mr4 ,norton4 ,mr4 ,willis is forming a ,bible-class for me to teach on the ,sabbath--am very glad4 ,nov4 #adth4--,finished ,lessing yesterday1 and hope for a little rest from hurry4 ,shall resume ,schleiermacher and take up ,fichte on the ,destination of ,man4 ,nov4 #bbnd4--,i am afraid that ,i may have to be resigned to a very great misfortune2 namely1 to the partial loss of eyesight--for a time at least2 so yesterday ,i resolved to give them a holiday1 though sorely against my will1 by not opening a book the whole day4 ,whether ,i should have succeeded in observing such a desperate resolution without the aid of circumstances is quite problematical1 but ,mr4 ,gray opportunely came with a request that ,i should take a ride with him to ,cambridge1 and visit the libraries there4 ,this occupied four or five hours1 and a lyceum lecture provided for the evening4 ,i have always congratulated myself on being so little dependent on others for entertainment--but never considered how entirely ,i am dependent on books4 ,if ,i should be deprived of the use of my eyes1 ,i should be a most miserable creature4 ,thanksgiving1 ,nov4 #bith4--,a very pleasant and delightful day--our hearts full of gladness and1 ,i hope1 of gratitude4 ,i hope dear mother and all at home are as happy4 ,dec4 #beth4--,how plain that all the creations of the ancient mythology are but representations of something in the heart of man6444 ,what is the end of man8 ,infinite contradictions--all opposites blended into one--a mass of confused1 broken parts1 of disjointed fragments--such is he4 ,the circumstances that surround him--the events that happen unto him1 are no less strange4 ,what shall be the end8 ,oh then1 abyss of futurity1 declare it6 unfold thy dark depths--let a voice come up from thy cloudy infinite--let a ray penetrate thy unfathomable profound4 ,if we could but rest till the question is decided6 if we could but float softly on the current of time till we reach the haven6 ,but no1 we must act4 ,we must do something4 ,i must do something now--,,what8 ,evening4 ,but as the morning4 ,in the afternoon ,i was talking with ,l4 ,w4 #ac with as much eagerness and vivacity as if ,i had never known a cloud4 ,this evening ,i was going to a dance at the ,insane ,hospital4 ,for me truly it has been a day of opposites--all the elements of life have met and mingled in it4 ,wednesday1 #bfth4--,the end of man1 says ,carlyle1 is an action1 not a thought4 ,this is partly true1 though all noble action has its root in thought4 ,thought1 indeed1 in its true and highest sense1 is action4 ,it is never lost4 ,if uttered1 it may breathe inspiration into a thousand minds and become the impulse to ten thousand good actions4 ,if unuttered1 and terminating in no single outward act1 it yet has an emanative influence2 it impregnates the man and makes itself felt in his life4 ,a man can not do so noble and godlike a thing as to think1 without being the better for it4 ,indeed1 the distinction between thought and action is not always an accurate one4 ,many thoughts deserve the name of activities much better than certain movements of the muscles and changes of the outward organization which we denominate actions4 ,in this sense1 it is better of the two to think without acting than to act without thinking4 ,mrs4 ,hopkins was the author of the following works1 intended mostly for the young4 ,some of them have had a wide circulation4 ,they are written in an attractive style and breathe the purest spirit of ,christian love and wisdom3 #a4 ,the ,pastor's ,daughter4 #b4 ,lessons on the ,book of ,proverbs4 #c4 ,the ,young ,christian ,encouraged4 #d4 ,henry ,langdon2 or1 ,what ,was ,i ,made ,for8 #e4 ,the ,guiding ,star2 or1 ,the ,bible ,god's ,message2 a ,sequel to ,henry ,langdon4 #f4 ,the ,silent ,comforter2 a ,companion for the ,sick-room4 ,a ,compilation4 99 99 99 99 99 ,e4 ,the following is the rhapsody referred to by ,mr4 ,butler3 7,the words to be used were ,mosquito1 ,brigadier1 ,moon1 ,cathedral1 ,locomotive1 ,piano1 ,mountain1 ,candle1 ,lemon1 ,worsted1 ,charity1 and ,success74 ,a wounded soldier on the ground in helpless languor lay1 ,unheeding in his weariness the tumult of the day2 ,in vain a pert mosquito buzzed madly in his ear1 ,his thoughts were far away from earth--its sounds he could not hear2 ,nor noted he the kindly glance with which his brigadier ,looked down upon his manly form when chance had brought him near4 ,it was a glorious autumn night on which the moon looked down1 ,calmly she looked and her fair face had neither grief nor frown4 ,just as she gazed in other lands on some cathedral dim1 ,whose aisles resounded to the strains of dirges or of hymn4 ,but now with locomotive speed the soldier's thoughts took wing3 ,back to his home they bore him1 and he heard his sisters sing-- ,heard the softest-toned piano touched by hands he used to love4 ,was it home or was it heaven8 ,was that music from above8 ,oh1 for one place or the other6 ,in his mountain air to die1 ,once more upon his mother's breast1 as in infancy1 to lie6 ,the scene has changed4 ,where is he now8 ,not on the cold1 damp ground4 ,whence came this couch8 and who are they who smiling stand around8 ,what friendly hands have borne him to his own free mountain air8 ,and father1 mother1 sisters--every one of them is there4 ,now gentle ministries of love may soothe him in his pain2 ,water to cool his fevered lips he need not ask in vain4 ,his mother shades the candle when she steals across the room2 ,a face like hers would radiant make a very desert's gloom4 ,the fragrant lemon cools his thirst1 pressed by his sister's hand-- ,not one can do enough for him1 the hero of their band4 ,oh1 happy1 convalescing days6 ,how full of pleasant pain6 ,how pleasant to take up the old1 the dear old life again6 ,now1 sitting on the wooden bench before the cottage door1 ,how many times they make him tell the same old story o'er6 ,how he fought and how he fell2 how he longed again to fight2 ,and how he would die fighting yet for the triumph of the right4 ,his good old mother sits all day so fondly by his side2 ,how can she give him up again--her first-born son1 her pride8 ,his sisters with their worsted his stockings fashion too1 ,in patriotic colors--the red1 the white1 the blue4 ,if he should never wear them1 a charity 'twill be ,to give them to some soldier-lad as brave and good as he4 ,they're dreadful homely stockings2 one can not well say less1 ,but whosoever wears 'em--why1 may he have success6 ,here are samples of the charades referred to by ,miss ,morse3 ,,on ,,returning ,a ,,lost ,,glove ,,to ,a ,,friend4 ,,march1 #ahgc4 ,a hand ,i am not1 yet have fingers five2 ,alive ,i am not1 yet was once alive4 ,am found in every house and by the dozen1 ,and am of flesh and blood a sort of cousin4 ,now cut my head off4 ,see what ,i become6 ,no longer am ,i lifeless1 dead1 and dumb4 ,i am the very sweetest thing on earth2 ,royal in power and of royal birth4 ,i in the palace reign and in the cot-- ,there is no place where man is and ,i'm not4 ,i am too costly to be bought and sold2 ,i can not be enticed by piles of gold4 ,and yet ,i am so lowly that a smile ,can woo and win me--and so free from guile1 ,that ,i look forth from many a gentle face ,in tenderness and truthfulness and grace4 ,say1 do you know me8 ,have you known my reign8 ,my joy1 my rapture1 and my silent pain8 ,beneath your pillow have ,i roses placed-- ,your heart's glad festival have ,i not graced8 ,ah me6 ,to mother1 lover1 husband1 wife ,i am the oil and ,i the wine of life4 ,with you1 my dear1 ,i have been hand and glove4 ,shall ,i return the first and keep the ,love8 ,,charade4 ,my first was born to rule2 before him stand ,the potentates and nobles of the land4 ,he loves his grandeur--hopes to be more grand4 ,my second you will find in every lass-- ,both in the highest and the lowest class1 ,and even in a simple blade of grass4 ,but add it to my first1 and straightway he ,becomes my whole--loses identity2 ,parts with his manhood and becomes a ,she4 7,prince1 ss41 ,princess74 99 99 99 99 99 ,f4 ,here is another extract from the same letter3 ,j'ai peine me mettre l'oraison1 et quelquefois quand j'y suis il me tarde d'en sortir4 ,je n'y fais1 ce me semble1 presque rien4 ,je me trouve mme dans une certaine tideur et une tchet pour toutes sortes de biens4 ,je n'ai aucune peine considrable ni dans mon intrieur1 ni dans mon extrieur1 ainsi je ne saurois dire que je passe par aucune preuve4 ,il me semble que c'est un songe1 ou que je me moque quand je cherche mon tat tant je me trouve hors de tout tat spirituel1 dans la voie commune des gens tiedes qui vivent leur aise4 ,cependant cette languor universelle jointe l'abandon qui me fait acceptes tout et qui m'empche de rien rechercher1 ne laisse pas de m'abattre1 et je sens que j'ai quelquefois besoin de donner mes sens quelque amusement pour m'gayer4 ,aussi le fais--je simplement1 mais bien mieux quand je suis seul que quand je suis avec mes meilleurs amis4 ,quand je suis seul1 je joue quelquefois comme un petit enfant1 etc41 etc4 ,the letter may be found in ,vol4 ,v41 pp4 #daa-ab1 of ,madame ,guyon's ,,lettres ,,chr,,tiennes ,,et ,,spirituelles sur divers ,sujets qui regardent ,la ,vie ,intrieure1 ou ,l'esprit du vrai ,christianisme--enrichie de la ,correspondance secrette de ,,mr4 ,,de ,,fenelon avec l',auteur4 ,london1 #agfh4 ,the whole work is extremely interesting4 99 99 99 99 99 ,g4 ,from ,the ,evangelist of ,may #bg1 #ahge4 ,,in ,,memoriam4 ,died in ,paris1 ,france1 ,may #h1 #ahge1 ,,virginia ,s4 ,,osborn1 only daughter of ,william ,h4 and ,virginia ,s4 ,osborn1 of this city1 and granddaughter of the late ,jonathan ,sturges4 ,the sudden death of this gifted young girl has overwhelmed with grief a large social and domestic circle4 ,last ,february1 in perfect health and full of the brightest anticipations1 she set out1 in company with her parents and a young friend1 on a brief foreign tour4 ,after passing several weeks at ,rome and visiting other famous cities of ,italy1 she had just reached ,paris on the way home when a violent fever seized upon her brain1 and1 in defiance of the tenderest parental care and the best medical skill1 hurried her into the unseen world4 ,and yet it is hardly possible to realise that this brilliant young life has forever vanished away from earth1 for she seemed formed alike by nature and ,providence for length of days4 ,already her character gave the fairest promise of a perfect woman4 ,it possessed a strength and maturity beyond her years4 ,although not yet twenty-one1 her varied mental culture and her knowledge of almost every branch of ,english literature1 history1 poetry1 fiction1 even physical science1 were quite remarkable2 nor was she ignorant of some of the best ,french and ,german1 not to speak of ,latin1 authors4 ,we have never known one of her age whose intellectual tastes were of a higher order4 ,she seemed to feel equally at home in reading ,shakespeare and ,goethe2 ,prescott1 ,motley1 and ,froude2 ,mrs4 ,austin1 ,scott1 and ,dickens2 ,taine1 ,huxley1 and ,tyndall2 or the popular biographies and fictions of the day4 ,and yet her studious habits and devotion to books did not render her any the less the unaffected1 attractive1 and whole-hearted girl4 ,her friends1 both old and young1 greatly admired her1 but they loved her still more4 ,as was natural in one of so much character1 she was very decided in her ways2 but she was also perfectly frank1 truthful1 and conscientious--resembling in this respect1 as she did in some other excellent traits1 her honored grandfather1 ,mr4 ,sturges4 ,several years before her death she was enrolled among the disciples of ,jesus4 ,how vividly the writer recalls her earnest look and tones of voice when she declared to him her desire publicly to confess her ,saviour and to remember ,him at ,his table6 ,when from beneath the deep sea the news that she was dangerously ill and then soon after that she was dead stole upon her friends here like a thief in the night1 almost stunning them with grief2 their first feeling was one of tender sympathy for the desolate1 sorely-smitten parents1 and of prayer that ,god would be pleased to comfort and uphold them in their affliction4 ,from many hearts1 we are sure1 that prayer has been offered up oftentimes since4 ,if it were not for the relief which comes of faith and prayer1 what a cloud of hopeless gloom would enshroud such an event6 ,blessed be ,god for this exceeding great and precious relief4 ,the dark cloud is not indeed dispersed even by faith and prayer1 but with what a silver lining they are able to invest it6 ,if we really believed that such tragical events are solely the effects of chance or mere natural law--if we did not believe that the hand of infinite wisdom and love is also in them1 surely the grass would turn black beneath our feet4 ,the ,lord gave2 the ,lord hath taken away2 and blessed be the name of the ,lord4 ,g4 ,l4 ,p4 99 99 99 99 99 ,h4 ,extracts front ,dr4 ,vincent's ,memorial ,discourse4 ,the men and women who know how to comfort human sorrow1 and to teach their fellows to turn it to its highest uses1 are among ,god's best gifts to the world4 ,the office and the name of ,comforter have the highest and purest associations4 ,it is the ,holy ,spirit of ,god who calls ,himself by that name1 and to be a true comforter is to be indeed a co-worker with ,god4 ,but even as the word comfort goes deeper than those pitying commonplaces which even nature teaches us to utter to those who are in any trouble1 so the office of a true comforter requires other qualifications than mere natural tenderness of heart1 or even the experience of suffering4 ,one must know how to interpret as well as how to feel sorrow2 must know its lessons as well as its smart4 ,hence it is that ,god makes ,his comforters by processes of ,his own2 by hard masters ofttimes1 and by lessons not to be found in books4 ,it is in illustration of this truth that ,i bring to you to-day some memorials of the experience1 character1 and life-work of one widely known1 deeply beloved1 and greatly honored by ,god as an instrument of ,christian instruction and of ,christian comfort4 ,it would1 indeed1 be possible to strike some other keynote4 ,a character presenting so many points of interest might be studied from more than one of those points with both pleasure and profit2 but1 on the whole1 it seems to me that the thought of a ,christian comforter best concentrates the lessons of her life1 and best represents her mission to society2 so that we might aptly choose for our motto those beautiful words of the ,apostle3 ,blessed be ,god1 even the ,father of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 the ,father of mercies1 and the ,god of all comfort1 who comforteth us in all our tribulation1 that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of ,god4 ,in endeavoring to depict a life which was largely shaped by sorrow1 ,i am not going to open the record of a sorrowful life1 but rather of a joyful one2 not of a starved and meager life1 but of a very rich one1 both in itself and in its fruits2 yet it may be profitable for us to see through what kind of discipline that life became so rich1 and to strike some of the springs where arose the waters which refreshed so many of the children of pain and care4 ,the daughter of ,edward ,payson might justly have appropriated her father's words3 ,thanks to the fervent1 effectual prayers of my righteous parents1 and the tender mercies of my ,god upon me1 ,i have reason to hope that the pious wishes breathed over my infant head are in some measure fulfilled4 ,she might have said with ,cowper3 ,my boast is not that ,i deduce my birth ,from loins enthroned and rulers of the earth2 ,but higher far my proud pretensions rise2 ,the child of parents passed into the skies4 ,the life and work of that devoted minister of ,jesus ,christ have passed into the religious history of ,new ,england--not to say of our whole country--and no student of that history is unfamiliar with that character so tried1 yet so exalted by suffering2 with that ministry so faithful1 so unselfish1 marked by such yearning for souls1 and with such persistence1 tact1 and success in leading them to ,christ2 with that intellect so richly endowed and so well trained2 that devotional spirit so rapt1 that conscience so acutely sensitive2 with that life so fruitful and that death so triumphant4444 99 99 99 99 99 ,in the summer of #ahfi she found a lovely and peaceful retreat among the hills of ,vermont4 ,there arose that tasteful home with which1 perhaps more than any other spot1 memory loves to associate her4 ,there1 for ten happy summers1 she enjoyed the communion with ,nature's visible forms1 and heard her various language1 and felt her healing touch on the wearied brain and overstrung nerves2 there1 as ,i think she would have wished1 she took leave of earth amid the pomp and flush of the late summer1 and gladly ascended to the eternal sunshine of heaven2 and there1 in the shadow of the giant hills which brought peace to her1 and the changing moods of which she so loved to study1 her ashes await the morning of the ,resurrection4 ,in reviewing this life of nearly sixty years1 we find its keynote1 as was said at the outset1 in the thought of the ,christian comforter4 ,we see in her one whom ,god commissioned1 so far as we can judge1 to bring light and comfort to multitudes1 and whom ,he prepared for that blessed work by peculiar and severe discipline4 ,there is nothing in which ordinary minds are more commonly mistaken than in their estimate of suffering4 ,they seem often unable to conceive it except in its association with appreciable tragedies1 in those grosser forms in which it waits upon visible calamity4 ,such do not know that the heart is often the scene of tragedies which can not be written1 and that there are sufferings more subtle and more acute than any which torture the nerve or wring the brow4 ,take a character like this with which we are dealing2 combine the nature to which love was a necessity of being with those high and pure ideals of character which culled cautiously the objects of affection2 add the intense sensitiveness without the self- esteem which so often serves as a rock of refuge to the most sensitive2 add the sharply-cut individuality which could only see and do and express in its own way1 and which1 therefore1 so frequently exposed its subject to the misunderstanding of strangers or of unappreciative souls2 crown all with the stern conscientiousness which would not compromise the truth even for love's sake1 and the exquisite selfreverence1 if you will allow the expression1 which held the region of religious emotion as holy ground1 and which regarded the attempt to open or to penetrate the inner shrines of ,christian feeling as something akin to sacrilege--and blend all these in a delicate1 highly-strung1 nervous organization1 and you have the elements of a fearful capacity for suffering4 ,besides this capacity for suffering1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss had a very clear cognition of the sacred office of suffering1 and of its relation to perfection of character4 ,there were two ideas which pervaded her whole theory of religious experience4 ,the one was that whenever ,god has special work for ,his children to do1 ,he always fits them for it by suffering4 ,she had the most intense conviction of any one ,i ever knew of the necessity of suffering to perfection of character or of work4 ,doubtless there have been others who have learned as well as she its value as a purifying and exalting power1 but very few1 ,i think1 who have so early and so uncompromisingly taken that truth into their theory of ,christian education4 ,she quoted with approval the words of ,madame ,guyon1 that ,god rarely1 if ever1 makes the educating process a painless one when ,he wants remarkable results4 ,such must drink of ,christ's cup and be baptized with ,his baptism4 ,along with this went another and a complementary thought1 viz41 that as ,god prepares ,his workmen for great work by suffering1 so there is another class of ,his children whom ,he does not find competent to this preparation2 who escape much of the conflict and suffering1 but never attain the highest enjoyments or fight the decisive battles of time4444 ,in a volume of ,fenelon's ,christian ,counsel1 which was one of her favorite closet companions1 this passage is scored3 ,god attacks all the subtle resources of self-love within1 especially in those souls who have generously and without reserve delivered themselves up to the operations of ,his grace4 ,the more ,he would purify them1 the more ,he exercises them interiorly4 ,and she has added a special note at the foot of the page3 ,he never forces ,himself on ungenerous souls for this work4 ,along with this went the thought that ,god's discipline was intended to make not only models1 but ministers2 that one who had passed through the furnace with ,christ was to emerge from the fiery baptism not merely to be gazed at1 but to go down to his brethren telling with power the story of the form of the ,fourth4 ,this is the sentiment of some lines addressed by her to an afflicted friend3 ,o that this heart with grief so well acquainted ,might be a fountain1 rich and sweet and full1 ,for all the weary that have fallen and fainted ,in life's parched desert--thirsty1 sorrowful4 ,thou ,man of ,sorrows1 teach my lips that often ,have told the sacred story of my woe1 ,to speak of ,thee till stony griefs ,i soften-- ,till those that know ,thee not1 learn ,thee to know4 ,at a comparatively early period of her ,christian experience1 the theme of her prayer was3 ,i beseech ,thee1 show me ,thy glory2 for in the answer to that prayer there seemed1 as she said1 to be summed up everything that she needed or could desire4 ,in a paper in which she recorded some of her aspirations1 she wrote3 ,let my life be an all-day looking to ,jesus4 ,let my love to ,god be so deep1 earnest1 and all-pervading1 that ,i can not have even the passing emotion of rebellion to suppress4 ,there is such a thing as an implicit faith in1 and consequent submission to1 ,christ4 ,let me never rest till they are fully mine4 ,i do not know the precise date1 but ,i think it could not have been very late when she received a mighty answer to the prayer to behold ,god's glory4 ,new views of ,christian privilege and of the relation of ,christ to believing souls came with prayerful searching of the ,scriptures4 ,she entered1 to use her own words1 upon a life of incessant peace and serenity--notwithstanding it became1 by degrees1 one of perpetual self- denial and effort4 ,the consciousness of ,god never left her4 ,the whole world seemed holy ground4 ,prayer became a perpetual delight4 ,the pride and turbulence of nature grew quiet under these gentle influences1 and anything from ,god's hand seemed just right and quite good4 ,the secret of her peace and of her usefulness lay very largely in the prayerfulness of her life4 ,from her early years1 prayer was her delight4 ,in describing the comforts of her chamber in the school at ,richmond1 she noted as its crowning charm the daily presence of the ,eternal ,king1 who condescended to make it ,his dwelling-place4 ,with the deeper experiences of which we have spoken came a fresh delight in prayer4 ,it was very delightful1 she says1 to pray all the time2 all day long2 not only for myself1 but for the whole world--particularly for all those who loved ,christ4 ,her views of prayer were ,scriptural1 and1 therefore1 discriminating4 ,she fully accepted ,paul's statement that we know not what we should pray for as we ought without the help of the ,spirit2 and1 therefore1 she always spoke of prayer as something to be learned4 ,if she believed that a ,christian learns to pray when first he lives1 she believed also that the prayer of the infant ,christian life was like the feeble breath of infancy4 ,she understood by prayer something far more and higher than the mere preferring of petitions4 ,it was communion2 ,god's ,spirit responding harmoniously to our own4 ,with ,coleridge she held1 that the act of praying with the total concentration of the faculties is the very highest energy of which the human heart is capable4 ,hence she was accustomed to speak of learning the mysterious art of prayer by an apprenticeship at the throne of grace4 ,she somewhere wrote3 ,i think many of the difficulties attending the subject of prayer would disappear if it could be regarded in early life as an art that must be acquired through daily1 persistent habits with which nothing shall be allowed to interfere4 ,she saw that prayer is not to be made dependent on the various emotive states in which one comes to ,god4 ,the question1 she said1 is not one of mere delight4 ,the ,roman ,catholic poet accurately expressed her thought on this point3 ,prayer was not meant for luxury1 ,nor selfish pastime sweet2 ,it is the prostrate creature's place ,at the ,creator's feet4 ,she illustrated in her own quaint way the truth that moods have nothing to do with the duty of prayer4 ,when one of your little brothers asks you to lend him your knife1 do you inquire first what is the state of his mind8 ,if you do1 what reply can he make but this3 ,the state of my mind is1 ,i want your knife4 ,with her natural temperament and inherited tendencies she might1 perhaps1 under other influences have been drawn too far over to the emotional1 or at least to the contemplative side of religious life4 ,but she saw and avoided the danger4 ,she discerned the harmony and just balance between the contemplative and the active ,christian life1 and felt that they ought to co-exist in every genuine experience4 ,she attached as little meaning to a life of mere raptures as to one of bare1 loveless duty4 ,christian life1 she wrote1 is not all contemplation and prayer2 it is not all muscle and sinew4 ,it is a perfect1 practicable union of the two4 ,i believe in your joyful emotions if they result in self-denying1 patient work for ,christ--,i believe in your work if it is winged by faith and prayer4 ,she had scored this passage in her copy of ,fenelon3 ,to be constantly in a state of enjoyment that takes away the feeling of the cross1 and to live in a fervor of devotion that continually keeps ,paradise open--this is not dying upon the cross and becoming nothing4 ,such experience and such views were behind the active side of her life1 as represented by her personal ministries and by the work of her pen4 ,the one book in which she endeavored to embody formally her views of ,christian doctrine and experience did not1 as might have been expected1 find the same reception or the same response which were accorded to other productions4 ,it was a book which appealed to a smaller and higher class of readers4 ,but1 when she wrought these same truths into pictures of living men and women--when she illustrated them at the points where they touched the drudgery and commonplace of thousands of lives--when she opened outlooks for hundreds of discouraged souls upon the roads where hundreds more were bearing the very same burdens1 and yet stepping heavenward under their pressure--when she1 who had walked in the fire herself1 went to her sisters in the same old furnace and told them of her vision of the form of the ,fourth--when she went down to the many who were sadly working out the mistakes of ill-judged alliances1 and lifted the veil from sorrows which separate their subject from human sympathy because they must be borne in silence--when she told such how heaven might come even into their life--when she1 with her hands yet bleeding from the grasp of her own cross1 came to other sufferers1 not to mock them by the show of an unattainable beauty and an impossible peace1 but to offer them divine peace and the beauty of the ,lord in the name of her ,saviour--then she spoke with a power which multitudes felt and confessed4 ,i am sure that hers is1 in an eminent degree1 the blessing of them that were ready to perish4 ,weary1 overtaxed mothers2 misunderstood and unappreciated wives1 servants1 pale seamstresses1 delicate women forced to live in an atmosphere of drunkenness and coarse brutality1 widows and orphans in the bitterness of their bereavement1 mothers with their tears dropping over empty cradles--to thousands of such she was a messenger from heaven4 ,of all her seventeen or eighteen published volumes1 ,stepping ,heavenward is the one which best represents her and her life-work--not that she produced nothing else of value1 nor that many of her other books were not widely read1 greatly enjoyed1 and truly useful2 but ,stepping ,heavenward seemed to meet so many real1 deep1 inarticulate cravings in such a multitude of hearts1 that the response to it was instant and general4444 ,she wrote for readers of all ages4 ,not the least fruitful work of her pen was bestowed upon the little ones2 and in the number of copies circulated1 the ,susy ,books stand next to ,stepping ,heavenward4 ,through those little half allegories she initiated the children into the rudiments of self-control1 discipline and consecration1 and taught eyes and hands and tongue and feet the noble uses of the kingdom of ,god4 ,even from these children's stories the thought of the discipline of suffering was not absent1 and ,mr4 ,pain1 as many mothers will remember1 figures among ,little ,susy's ,six ,teachers4 ,with the same pure and wholesome lessons1 and with the same easy vivacity she appealed to youth through ,the ,flower of the ,family1 ,the ,percys1 and ,nidworth1 and it would be hard to say by readers of what age was monopolised the interest in ,aunt ,jane's ,hero1 ,fred and ,maria and ,me1 and those two little gems--,the ,story ,lizzie ,told1 and ,gentleman ,jim4 ,while all her writings were religious in the best sense1 they were in nothing more so than in their cheerfulness4 ,they were not only happy and hopeful in their general tone1 but sparkled with her delicate and sprightly humor4 ,the children of her books were not religious puppets1 moving in time to the measured wisdom of their elders1 but real children of flesh and blood1 acting and talking out their impish conceits1 and in nowise conspicuous by their precocious goodness4 ,i think that those who knew her best in her literary relations1 will agree with me that no better type of a consecrated literary talent can be found in the lists of authors4 ,she received enough evidences of popular appreciation to have turned the heads of many writers4 ,over #bjj1jjj bound volumes of her books have been sold in this country alone1 to say nothing of the circulation in ,england1 ,france1 and ,germany4 ,she was not displeased at success1 as ,i suppose no one is--but success to her meant doing good4 ,she did not write for popularity1 and her aversion to having her own literary work mentioned to her was so well known by her friends1 that even those who wished to express to her their gratitude for the good they had received from her books were constrained to be silent4 ,while1 says her publisher1 she was very sensitive to any criticism based on a misconception or a perversion of her purpose1 never1 in all my intercourse with her1 did ,i discover the slightest evidence of a spirit of literary pique1 or pride1 or ambition4 ,in attempting to sum up the characteristics of her writings1 time will suffer me only to state the more prominent features without enlarging upon details4 ,first1 and most prominent1 was their purpose4 ,her pen moved always and only under a sense of duty4 ,she held her talent as a gift from ,god1 and consecrated it sacredly to the enforcement and diffusion of ,his truth4 ,if ,i may quote once more the words of her publisher in his tribute to her memory--her great desire and determination to educate in the highest and best schools was never overlooked or forgotten4 ,she never1 like many writers of religious fiction1 caught the spirit of sensationalism that is in the air1 or sought for effects in unhealthy portraiture1 corrupt style1 or unnatural combinations4 ,second1 she was unconventional4 ,her writings were not religious in any stereotyped1 popular sense4 ,her characters were not stenciled4 ,the holiest of them were strongly and often amusingly individualized4 ,she did not try to make automatons to repeat religious commonplaces1 but actual men and women1 through whose very peculiarities the ,holy ,spirit revealed ,his presence and work4 ,third1 ,i have already referred to her sprightliness4 ,she had naturally a keen sense of humor which overflowed both in her conversation and in her books4 ,she saw nothing in the nature of the faith she professed which bade her lay violent hands on this propensity2 and she once said that if her religion could not stand her saying a funny thing now and then it was not worth much4 ,but1 whatever she might say or write of this character1 one never felt that it betrayed any irreverent lightness of spirit4 ,the undertone of her life was so deeply reverential1 so thoroughly pervaded with adoring love for ,christ1 that it made itself felt through all her lighter moods1 like the ground-swell of the sea through the sparkling ripples on the surface4 ,fourth1 her style was easy1 colloquial1 never stilted or affected1 marked at times by an energy and incisiveness which betrayed earnest thought and intense feeling4 ,she aimed to impress the truth1 not her style1 and therefore aimed at plainness and directness4 ,her hard common sense1 of which her books reveal a goodly share1 was offset by her vivid fancy which made even the region of fable tributary to the service of truth4 ,fifth1 her books were intensely personal2 expressions1 ,i mean1 of her own experience4 ,many of her characters and scenes are simple transcripts of fact1 and much of what she taught in song1 was a repetition of what she had learned in suffering4 ,to go back once more to her office of consoler4 ,she exercised this not only through her books1 but also through her personal ministries in those large and widening circles which centred in her literary and pastoral life4 ,those who were favored with her friendship in times of sorrow found her a comforter indeed4 ,her letters1 of which1 at such times1 she was prodigal1 were to many sore hearts as leaves from the tree of life4 ,she did not expect too much of a sufferer4 ,she recognized human weakness as well as divine strength4 ,but in all her attempts at consolation1 side by side with her deep and true sympathy1 went the lesson of the harvest of sorrow4 ,she was always pointing the mourner past the floods1 to the high place above them--teaching him to sing even amid the waves and billows--the ,lord will command ,his loving-kindness2 ,i shall yet praise ,him for the help of ,his countenance4 ,i knew1 she wrote to a bereaved friend1 that ,god would never afflict you so1 if ,he had not something beautiful and blissful to give in place of what ,he took4 ,the insight which her writings revealed into many and subtle aspects of sorrow1 made her the recipient of hosts of letters from strangers1 opening to her their griefs1 and asking her counsel2 and to all she gave freely and joyfully as far as her strength and time and judgment would allow4 ,there was a tonic vein mingling with her comforts4 ,her touch was firm as well as tender4 ,she knew the shoals of morbid sentimentality which skirt the deeps of trouble1 and sought to pilot the sorrowing past the shoals to the shore4 ,and now1 having thus spoken of her preparation for ,god's work1 the work itself1 and its fruits1 how can we gather up and depict the many personal traits and associations which crowd upon the memory8 ,of such things how many are incapable of reproduction1 their fine flavor vanishing with the moment4 ,how often that which most commends them to remembrance lies in the glance of an eye1 an inflection of the voice1 an expression of the face1 which neither pen nor pencil can put on record4 ,how many such recollections1 for example1 group themselves round that beautiful home among the hills4 ,how it bore her mark and was pervaded with her presence1 and seemed1 more than any other spot1 the appropriate setting of her life4 ,now she was at her chamber window studying the ever shifting lights and shadows on the hills2 now rambling over the fields and through the woods and returning with her hands laden with flowers and grasses2 now busy with her ferns in her garden2 again beguiling the hours with her pencil1 or stealing away to develop some happy fancy or fresh thought on which her mind had been working for days4 ,and how pleasant her talk4 ,how she would dart off sometimes from the line of the gravest theme into some quaint1 mirth-provoking conceit4 ,how many odd things she had seen2 of how many strange adventures she had partaken1 and how graphically and charmingly she told them4 ,with what relish she would bring forth some good thing saved up to tell to one who would appreciate it2 yet1 on the other hand1 how earnestly1 how intelligently1 with what simplicity1 with what eager delight would she pursue the discussion of the deep things of ,god4 ,nor was her home merely a place of rest and retirement4 ,its doors were ever wide open to congenial spirits1 and also to some of ,christ's poor1 to whom the healing breath of the mountains and the rare sights and sounds of country life were as gifts from heaven4 ,in that little community she was not content to be a mere summer idler4 ,there1 too1 she pursued her ministry of comfort and of instruction4 ,eternity alone will reveal the fruitage of the seeds she sowed in her weekly ,bible-reading1 to which the women came for miles over the mountain roads1 through storm and through sunshine4 ,and here the end came4 ,death1 if a surprise at all to her1 could only be a pleasant surprise4 ,in one of her stories an old family servant says of her departed mistress3 ,often's the time ,i've heard her talk about dying1 and ,i mind a time when she thought she was going1 and there was a light in her eye1 and it was just as she looked when she said1 ',mary1 ,i'm going to be married4' ,it was a leaf out of her own life4 ,she had marked in one of her books of devotion a passage which1 ,i imagine1 summed up her view of the whole matter3 ,a true ,christian is neither fond of life nor weary of it4 ,she had no sentimental disgust with life1 but her overmastering desire was to see and be like her ,lord1 and death was the entrance gate to that perfect vision4 ,only the opening of that portal could bring the full answer to her prayer of years1 ,i beseech ,thee1 show me ,thy glory4 ,in this attitude the messenger found her4 ,i will not dwell on the closing scenes4444 ,it is pleasanter to turn from that long1 weary ,sabbath1 when nature in its perfect beauty and repose seemed to mock the bitter agony of the death-chamber1 to the hour when1 with the first full brightness of the morning1 the silver cord was loosed1 and she was present with the ,lord4 ,surely it was something more than an accidental coincidence that1 in the little ,daily ,food1 which for nearly forty years had been her closet companion1 the passage for the #acth of ,august was3 ,i heard a voice from heaven saying unto me1 ,write1 blessed are the dead which die in the ,lord from henceforth3 yea1 saith the ,spirit1 that they may rest from their labors2 and their works do follow them4 ,that summer afternoon when she was laid to rest had a brightness which was not all of the glories of the setting sun1 as he burst forth from the encircling clouds1 and touched with his parting splendor the gates of the grave4 ,nature1 with its fulness of summer life1 was set in the key of the resurrection by the assurance of her victory over death1 and it was with a new and mighty sense of their truth that we spoke over her ashes the words of the ,apostle3 ,it is sown in corruption1 it is raised in incorruption2 it is sown in dishonor1 it is raised in glory2 it is sown in weakness1 it is raised in power2 it is sown a natural body1 it is raised a spiritual body4 ,o death1 where is thy sting8 ,o grave1 where is thy victory8 ,so now1 as then1 more even than then1 since these months have given us time to study the lesson of that life and the sources of its power1 we give thanks to ,god through ,jesus ,christ our ,lord2 thanks for the divine processes which moulded a daughter of consolation2 thanks for the fountains of comfort opened by her along life's highways and which continue to flow while she sleeps in ,jesus2 thanks for a good and fruitful life ended in the communion of the ,holy ,catholic ,church1 in the confidence of a certain faith1 in the comfort of a reasonable1 religious1 and holy hope1 in charity with all mankind1 and in peace with ,god4 99 99 99 99 99 ,i4 ,a ,list of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' ,writings1 with notices of some of them and the dates of their publication3 #a4 ,little ,susy's ,six ,birthdays4 #ahec4 #b4 ,only a ,dandelion1 and other ,stories4 #ahed4 ,the first piece1 from which the little book takes its name1 was written at the time1 and is not excelled by anything of the kind written by ,mrs4 ,prentiss4 ,spring ,breeze is as fresh and delicate as a ,may flower4 ,the other stories are mostly a selection from her early contributions to ,the ,youth's ,companion4 #c4 ,henry and ,bessie2 or1 ,what they did in the ,country4 #ahee4 #d4 ,little ,susy's ,six ,teachers4 #ahef4 #e4 ,little ,susy's ,little ,servants4 #ahef4 ,the three ,little ,susy books were republished in ,england1 where they seem to have been as popular among the children as at home4 ,not far from #ej1jjj copies have been sold in this country4 #f4 ,the ,flower of the ,family4 ,a ,book for ,girls4 #ahef4 ,this work has had a wide circulation at home and abroad4 ,some #ai1jjj copies have been sold here4 ,the following is the title-page of one of the ,french editions3 99 99 99 99 99 ,le ,fleur de ,la ,famille ou ,simple ,histoire pour ,les ,jeunes ,filles4 ,ouvrage ,americain4 ,cinquime dition4 ,toulouse1 ,socit des ,livres ,religieux4 #ahgg4 99 99 99 99 99 ,die ,perle der ,familie is the ,german title4 ,here are a few sentences from a highly laudatory notice in the well-known ,neue ,preuss4 ,zeitung3 ,in ausserordentlicher lieblicher und sinniger ,weise wird uns ein husliches1 schlichtes1 von edlem ,christlichen ,sinn getragenes ,familien- leben forgefhrt1 das durch seine treffliche ,characterschilderung unser lebhaftestes ,interesse flir jedes ,glied des kinderreichen ,hauses in ,anspruch nimmt4 ,es ist im eigentlichsten ,sinne ein ,buch fr die ,familie4 ,the ,flower of the ,family was translated into ,german1--as were also ,stepping ,heavenward1 ,the ,percys1 ,fred and ,maria and ,me1--by ,miss ,marie ,morgenstern1 of ,gttingen4 ,some omissions in the version of ,stepping ,heavenward mar a little the vivacity of the book2 but otherwise her work seems to have been very carefully and well done1 and to have met with the warm approval of the ,german public4 #g4 ,peterchen and ,gretchen2 or1 ,tales of ,early ,childhood4 #ahfj4 ,this is a translation from the ,german4 #h4 ,the ,little ,preacher4 #ahfg4 ,one of the most striking of her smaller works4 ,it has throughout the flavor of ,german peasant life and of the ,black ,forest4 ,but it seems never to have found its way across the sea4 #i4 ,little ,threads2 or1 ,tangle ,thread1 ,silver ,thread1 and ,golden ,thread4 #ahfh4 ,the aim of ,little ,threads is happily indicated in its closing sentences3 ,if you find that you like to have your own way a good deal better than you like your mamma to have hers2 if you pout and cry when you can not do as you please2 if you never own that you are in the wrong1 and are sorry for it2 never1 in short1 try with all your might to be docile and gentle1 then your name is ,tangle ,thread1 and you may depend you cost your mamma many sorrowful hours and many tears4 ,and the best thing you can do is to go away by yourself and pray to ,jesus to make you see how naughty you are1 and to make you humble and sorry4 ,then the old and soiled thread that can be seen in your mother's life will disappear1 and in its place there will come first a silver1 and by and by1 with time and patience1 and ,god's loving help1 a sparkling and beautiful golden one4 ,and do you know of anything in this world you should rather be than ,somebody's ,golden ,thread8--especially the ,golden ,thread of your dear mamma1 who has loved you so many years1 who has prayed for you so many years1 and who longs so to see you gentle and docile like ,him of whom it was said3 ,behold the ,lamb of ,god6 ,little ,threads is based upon a very keen observation of both the dark and the bright side of childhood4 ,the allegory1 in which its lessons are wrought1 is1 perhaps1 less simple and attractive than that of ,little ,susy's ,six ,teachers1 or that of ,little ,susy's ,little ,servants2 but the lessons themselves are full of the sweetest wisdom1 pathos1 and beauty4 #aj4 ,little ,lou's ,sayings and ,doings4 #ahfh4 ,among the papers of her sister1 ,mrs4 ,prentiss found a journal containing numerous little incidents in the early life of her only child1 together with more or less of his boyish sayings4 ,much of the material found in this journal was used in the composition of ,little ,lou2 and that is one thing that gives it such an air of perfect reality4 #aa4 ,fred and ,maria and ,me4 #ahfh4 #ab4 ,the ,old ,brown ,pitcher4 #ahfh4 ,this is a temperance tale4 ,it was written at the request of the ,national ,temperance ,society and issued for their press4 #ac4 ,stepping ,heavenward4 #ahfi4 ,some interesting details respecting this work have been given already4 ,its circulation has been very large1 both at home and abroad2 far greater than that of any other of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' books4 ,more than #fg1jjj copies of it have been sold in this country2 while in ,england it was issued by several houses1 and tens of thousands of copies have been sold there1 in ,canada1 in ,australia1 and in other parts of the ,british dominions4 ,among the ,english houses that republished ,stepping ,heavenward1 were ,james ,nisbet ,co42 ,ward1 ,lock ,co42 ,frederick ,warne ,co42 ,thomas ,nelson ,sons1 ,london and ,edinburgh2 ,milner ,co42 ,weldon ,co4 ,an edition by the last-named house1 neatly printed and intended specially for circulation in ,canada and ,australia1 as well as at home1 was sold at fivepence1 so that the very poorest could buy it4 ,no accurate estimate can be formed of the number of copies circulated in ,great ,britain and its dependencies1 but it must have been enormous4 ,it was also issued at ,leipsic1 by ,tauchnitz1 in his famous ,collection of ,british ,authors4 ,the ,german translation has already passed into a fourth edition--a remarkable proof of its popularity4 ,in the preface to this edition ,miss ,morgenstern1 the translator1 says3 ,so mge sie denn hinausziehen in die ,welt1 diese vierte ,auflage1 mge wiederum aufklopfen an die ,stuben und ,herzenthren1 der deutschen ,lesewelt1 und nachdem ihr aufgethan1 hineintragen in die ,stuben und ,herzen1 was ihre ,vorgngerinnen hineintrugen2--,freude und ,rath und ,trost4 ,nowhere has the work won higher1 or more discriminating1 praise than in ,germany4 ,the following extract from one of the critical notices of it may serve as an instance3 ,in ,form von ,tagebuch--,aufzeichnungen1 somit ,selbstbekenntnissen1 wird uns das ,leben einer ,frau erzlt1 welche--ohne andere ussere ,schickungen freudiger und trber ,art1 als sie in jedem ,leben vorzukommen pflegen--aus einem zwar gutartigen und wohlbegabten aber ,susserst reizbaren und leidenshaftlich erregten ,mdchen zu einer geluterten ,jngerin des ,herrn heranreift4 ,was aber dies ,buch zu einem wahren ,kleinod macht1 das ish nicht die beraus wahre und tiefe ,analyse jener menschlichen ,snde1 ,sndenschwachheit und ,eitelkeit1 die sich auch in die frmmsten ,regungen einuschleichen sucht1 sondern die ,angabe des wahren ,heilmittels4 ,der goldne ,faden nmlich1 der sich durch das ganze ,buch zieht1 ist die ,wahrheit2 ,nicht unser ,rennen und ,lanfen1 sondern ,sein ,erbarmen6 ,nicht wir haben ,ihn geliebt1 sondern ,er hat uns geliebt1 und daran haben wir kindlich zu glauben4 ,sich ,ihm an ,sein ,herz werfen mit all unsern ,schwchen1 all unser ,armuth--das wirkt--ja das ist ,heilung4444 ,das ,ganze ist im hchsten ,grade fesselnd4 ,man lebt sich unwillkrlich in dies christliche ,hauswesen mit ein1 und glaubt in vielen ,zgen einen ,spiegel des eigenen zu erkennen4 #ad ,the title-page of the ,french translation is as follows3 99 99 99 99 99 ,,marchant ,,vers ,,le ,,ciel4 par ,e4 ,,prentiss4 ,auteur de ,la ,fleur de la ,famille1 etc4 ,traduit de ,l',anglais avec ,l',autorization de ,l',auteur4 ,lausanne3 ,georges ,bridel1 ,editeur4 99 99 99 99 99 ,the following extract from a letter of ,madame de ,fressens1 dated ,paris1 ,july #ah1 #ahhb1 will show what impression the work made not only upon the gifted and accomplished writer1 but upon many other of the most cultivated ,christian women of ,france and ,switzerland3 ,c'est un livre qui fait aimer celle qui y a mis son me1 une tude du coeur humain bien vraie et bien dlicate4 ,l'amour de ,dieu dborde dans ses pages charmantes1 dont la lecture rchauffe le coeur4 ,je crois qu'il a t fort apprci dans nos pays de langue franaise4 ,une personne dont toute la vie est un service de ceux qui souffrent me disait l'autre jour3 ,c'est mon livre1 il m'a fait beaucoup de bien4 ,le nombre d'editions qu'a atteint la traduction franaise temoigne qu'il a eu du succs1 et je suis sre que beaucoup de personnes ont prfr1 avec raison1 le lire dans l'original4 ,je suis heureuse que vous m'avez donn l'occasion de le relire1 et d'en prouver de nouveau la bienfaisante influence4444 ,ce serait un vrai privilge de pouvoir faire connatre notre public franais cette femme aussi distingue par le coeur que par l'esprit1 que nous aimons tous4 #ad4 ,nidworth1 and his three ,magic ,wands4 #ahfi4 ,the three ,magic ,wands are3 ,riches1 ,knowledge1 and ,love2 and in depicting their peculiar and wonderful virtues ,mrs4 ,prentiss has wrought into the story with much skill her own theory of a happy life4 ,she wrote the book with intense delight1 and its strange1 weird-like scenes and characters--the home in the forest2 ,dolman1 the poor woodcutter2 ,cinda1 his tall and strong-minded wife2 ,nidworth1 their first-born2 wandering ,hidda1 boding ill-luck2 the hermit2 these and all the rest--seemed to her1 for a while1 almost as real as if she had copied them from life4 ,its publishers 7,roberts ,brothers7 pronounced ,nidworth a gem and were not a little surprised at its failure to strike the popular fancy4 ,it certainly contains some of the author's brightest pictures of life and character4 #ae4 ,the ,percys4 #ahgj4 ,this work was translated into ,french and ,german1 and won warm praise in both languages4 ,it is full of spirit1 depicts real boys and girls and a loving ,christian mother with equal skill1 and abounds in the best lessons of domestic peace4 #af4 ,the ,story ,lizzie ,told4 #ahgj4 #ag4 ,six ,little ,princesses and what they turned into4 #ahga4 ,no one of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' lesser works betrays a keener insight into character or a finer touch than this4 ,its aim is to illustrate the truth that all girls are endowed with their own individual talents2 and to enforce the twofold lesson1 that the diligent use of these talents1 on the one hand1 can furnish innocent pleasures beyond the reach of any outward position1 however brilliant2 and1 on the other1 is the best preparation for the day of adversity4 ,the closing sentences of the story will give an inkling of its aim and quality3 ,i see how it is1 said the ,countess4 ,you must live together4 ,each feels herself incomplete without the others4 ,novella needs somebody to take care of her and somebody to love4 ,in return1 she will give love and endless entertainment4 ,reima1 too1 needs looking after1 and some one will watch with a friendly eye the growth of her paintings4 ,our two musicians must not become one-sided by thinking only of melody and song4 ,they must enjoy being clothed by ,moina's kind hands1 listening to ,novella's poems1 and discussing ,reima's works4 ,and you must train all your ears to appreciate the talents of these two marvellous creatures who sing and play with such rare1 such exquisite harmony4 ,and what shall ,i do8 cried ,delicieuse4 ,you shall do a little of everything1 dear child4 ,you shall help ,moina to guide the house1 and ,reima to mix the colors4 ,you shall take care that the piano is never out of tune1 or ,novella at a loss for pens and paper4 ,in a word1 you shall be what you always have been1 always ready with the oil of gladness1 wherever you see friction1 the sweetest1 the most lovable creature in the world4 ,delicieuse smiled1 and ran to embrace all her sisters1 hardly knowing which she loved best4 ,it was not long before those royal maidens1 royal only in their virtues and their talents1 found themselves in a home in a vine-clad land1 where each could live as ,nature had designed she should live4 ,moina1 whose practical skill was not confined to her needle1 kept the house with such exquisite care and neatness1 that her sisters preferred it to a palace4 ,she found happiness in forgetting herself1 in her pride in them1 and in the freedom from petty cares from which she shielded them4 ,her calm1 serene character was a continual repose to the varying moods of ,reima and ,novella2 a balance-wheel to works that1 running fast1 often ran irregularly4 ,reima studied the old masters with no need for further travel1 for her home lay among their works4 ,mosella and ,papeta composed music1 made ,delicieuse listen to and admire it when other hearers were wanting1 and were satisfied with her criticisms4 ,novella wrote books1 and had her frenzies4 ,she had her gentle and her gay moods1 also1 and made laughter ring through the house at her will4 ,not one of these four was conscious of her powers1 or asked for fame4 ,nor did their aristocratic breeding make them ashamed to work for their bread4 ,they even fancied that bread thus won1 needed less butter to help it down1 than that of charity4 ,as to ,delicieuse1 she was the bright1 the golden link that bound the household together in peace and harmony4 ,her smiles1 her caresses1 the love that flowed forth from her as from a living fountain1 made their home glad with perpetual sunshine4 ,thank ,god for the gifts of genius ,he has scattered abroad with a bountiful hand2 but thank ,him also that1 without such gifts1 one may become a joy and a benediction6 #ah4 ,aunt ,jane's ,hero4 #ahga4 ,this work was at once republished in ,england and appeared also in a ,french version4 #ai4 ,golden ,hours3 ,hymns and ,songs of the ,christian ,life4 #ahgc4 ,several of the pieces in this volume had already appeared2 among them ,more ,love to ,thee1 ,o ,christ4 ,this hymn has passed into most of the later collections4 ,it was translated into ,arabic1 and is sung in the land once trodden by the blessed feet of ,him whose name it adores1 and throughout the ,east4 #bj4 ,urbane and ,his ,friends4 #ahgd4 ,this work was reprinted in ,england4 #ba4 ,griselda3 ,a ,dramatic ,poem in ,five ,acts4 ,translated from the ,german of ,friedrich ,halm 7,baron ,mnch-,bellinghausen74 #ahgf4 ,mrs4 ,prentiss supposed that hers was the first ,english version of this poem4 ,but there is a translation by ,sir ,r4 ,a4 ,anstruther1 which appeared in ,london as early as #ahdj and in a new edition four years later4 ,all attempts to obtain a copy of this translation in ,new ,york1 or from ,london1 have proved futile4 #bb4 ,the ,home at ,greylock4 #ahgf4 ,the following extract from a letter of the author of the ,french translation to ,mrs4 ,prentiss deserves a place here3 ,,madame1--,vous savez sans doute que1 sans votre autorisation1 une plume1 bien hardie peut-tre1 mais pleine de zle et de respect pour vous1 s'est mise traduire un de vos ouvrages1 ,the ,home at ,greylock4 ,sans votre autorisation6 ,etait-ce bien8 tait-ce mal8 ,je me le suis demand plus d'une fois et je vous l'aurais demand1 ,madame1 si j'avais su votre adresse assez tt4 ,l'diteur m'a mis la conscience l'aise en m'assurant que le droit tait le mme pour tous1 et que les auteurs amricains ne pouvaient concder de privilge qui que ce ft4 ,forte de cette assurance1 je me mis l'oeuvre1 mais j'avoue que j'eus besoin d'encouragements ritrs pour mener mon travail bonne fin4 ,encore un mot d'explication1 si vous le permittez1 ,madame4 ,je ne suis pas mre1 mais je suis tante2 j'ai vu natre mes neveux et nices1 je les ai bercs dans mes bras1 j'ai veill sur leurs premiers pas1 j'ai observ le dveloppement graduel de leur coeur et de leur intelligence1 j'ai senti fond combien l'oeuvre de l'ducation est srieuse et combien il importe d'tre disciplin soi-mme par le ,seigneur pour discipliner les petits confis nos soins4 ,il n'est done pas tonnant que votre livre m'ait vivement intresse et que j'aie voulu le mettre la porte d'un grand nombre4 ,cela et t fait tt ou tard par d'autres1 je ne l'ignore point2 mais j'avais envie d'essayer mes forces1 et4444 l'occasion a fait le larron4 ,ne seriez-vous pas ma complice1 ,madame8444 ,m'appuyant sur votre bienveillame et sur la fraternit qui unit les mes dans le ,seigneur1 je vous prie1 ,madame1 de ne pas me considrer comme une trangre et d'agrer l'expression de mon estime et mes voeux en ,christ4 #bc4 ,pemaquid2 a ,story of ,old ,times in ,new ,england4 #ahgg4 #bd4 ,gentleman ,jim4 #ahgh4 ,this little story was the last production of her pen and appeared a few days only after her death4 #be4 ,avis ,benson2 or1 ,mine and ,thine1 with other ,sketches4 #ahgi4 ,this is a collection of pieces that had already appeared in the ,chicago ,advance and in the ,new ,york ,observer4 ,it met with a cordial welcome and has had a large circulation4 ,some of the readers of ,mrs4 ,prentiss' books may be glad to see a specimen of her handwriting4 ,the following is a fac-simile of the closing part of a letter to her cousin1 ,miss ,shipman1 written at ,dorset in #ahfg3 ,illustration3 ,handwriting ,sample #a ,b4 ,j4 ,lossing1 ,l4,l4,d41 in the ,christian ,union of ,oct4 #ae1 #ahgi4 #b ,b4 ,j4 ,lossing in ,the ,christian ,union4 #c ,mr4 ,nathaniel ,willis1 then in his #gfth year4 ,he died at ,boston1 ,may #bf1 #ahgj1 in the #ijth year of his age4 #d ,sickness3 its ,trials and ,blessings4 ,a very wise and comforting book4 ,she bequeathed it back to ,mrs4 ,prentiss at her death4 #e ,to aid in defending it against the ,border-,ruffians4 #f ,mrs4 ,prentiss was on her way to ,europe4 ,before sailing she went to ,williamstown to say good-bye to her sister1 but the latter was too ill to see her4 ,they never met again on earth4 #g ,referring to the family of ,rev4 ,wm4 ,james1 ,d4,d41 of ,albany4 #h ,sent from ,genevrier4 #i ,n4 ,p4 ,willis4 #aj ,the ,boston ,recorder and ,the ,youth's ,companion4 #aa ,the late ,george ,ripley1 the eminent scholar and critic1 is referred to4 ,in a letter1 dated ,new ,york1 ,nov4 #bj1 #ahgi1 ,mr4 ,ripley writes3 ,i beg you to accept1 dear ,dr4 ,prentiss1 my most cordial thanks for your kindness in sending me the extract from ,miss ,payson's journal4 ,i remember perfectly the visits of the young ,german enthusiast to my house in ,boston and the great pleasure they always gave to my wife and myself4 ,my acquaintance with her1 ,i think1 was through ,mr4 ,tappan's family1 of which your former parishioner and my dear friend and classmate1 ,thomas ,denny1 afterward became a member4 ,with my infatuation for ,new ,england people and ,new ,england biography and genealogy and literary endeavor1 it would give me great delight to be permitted to see ,miss ,payson's journal4 ,the journal was sent to ,dr4 ,ripley and read by him with great pleasure4 ,the incident led to the renewal of an old acquaintance and to repeated visits at his residence--one shortly before his death--which left upon the writer a strong impression of his deep interest in theological and religious truth1 as well as of his genial temper and remarkable literary accomplishments4 #ab ,the late ,rev4 ,john ,adams ,albro1 ,d4,d41 of ,cambridge4 #ac ,leonard ,woods1 ,jr41 ,d4,d41 then ,president of ,bowdoin ,college4 #ad ,allgemeiner literarischer ,anzeiger fr das evangelische ,deutschland1 ,jan41 #ahgc4 ,illustration3 ,dorset ,mountains4 ,illustration3 ,a ,view of ,chateau d',oex4 ,illustration3 ,la ,maison des ,bains4 ,illustration3 ,the ,old ,mill and ,pond4